I can tell yer, me heart went thumpety thump soon as saw her like.
1954 it wer, March I think.
Well, me being an imitation Teddy-Boy, I thought she’s not going to be able to resist me yer see.
So I approached her, asked for her name and asked her if she wanted to dance innit.
Bit of a jive like.
I thought she liked me because she kept laughing at me.
I did alright fer about two minutes when me wig started to slip – Tsk!
She walked off in a huff saying something but I didn’t catch what she said because I’d took me hearing-aids out first like.
I asked her if everything was alright like, she replied:
“Oh yes. I like it when a short-sighted midget comes up to me and his hair falls off his head as he passes wind has BO and can’t see without his glasses!”
“Is that all?” I said. I can get some new glue fer me toupee, take some medicine fer me wind have a bath and get contact lenses gal… problems solved midduck!”
I couldn’t understand why the expression of bewilderment came over her face as;
She stood up and belted me with very passable right hook, kicked me in the goolies, tutted and walked off?