It’s been a Funny Old Life… Part 4

It started getting confusing, when I was born,

To mother I was unwanted, a bit of a thorn,

So she kept running off, not that it made me mourn,

I thought at first it was due to me, and felt forlorn,

Then the Police called to see her one morn,

Regarding a Christmas club funds being overdrawn,

But she’s gone hours earlier at the break of dawn!

~

The chase was on, thus her reputation did aggrandise,

They caught her 9 months later, and believed her lies!

Dad took her back in, even I saw that was not wise,

Things kept disappearing, before our very eyes,

She was repeatedly off again, someone else to victimise,

Everyone she conned liked her, hard to realise,

They just trusted her, and that was very unwise!

~

Many callers over the years wanting to know where she’d went,

Loan sharks after money they had foolishly lent,

Lawyers, Window cleaners, neighbours giving vent,

Bookmakers, grocers even cobblers where she had overspent,

All seeking recompense to some extent,

Disappointed and sad they were as they went!

~

When I was fourteen, I started work and earned some cash,

She was back in our midst, quick as a flash!

Of the massive £3.3s.3d a week I earned, not balderdash,

She only charged me £2 for board, I was taken abash!

Shame she nicked me clothes, LP’s and any spare cash!

It didn’t matter where I tried to hide me stash,

She always found it – and flogged it quick as a flash!

~

Finally, many years later, she was up before the beak,

Conning the judge and jury whenever she did speak,

She walked from court without giving a single pique,

A richer woman, new flat with rent paid every week,

No compensation to pay, Gas paid and benefits increased,

Went straight to the bookmakers tongue-in-cheek,

Bet on the second favourite, that won by a streak!

~

But despite all her misdemeanour’s, and folks she did screw,

Those she’s conned lent her more money, yours truly too!

Gave her furniture, money to pay for her electricity, it’s true,

Despite her utility bills being paid by benefits she did accrue!

Crime doesn’t pay? It did for one, I can tell you!

~

Yet fond memories remain of those bitter days,

Of Mother and her strange odd ways,

She was much loved by waifs and strays,

She’s give them 6d of her last shilling in many ways,

Just a shame the shilling was nicked… oh happy days!