Charity Worker Duncan Robertson Trains Inchcock

Duncan, being the charitable caring person he is, soon picked up on, as he read the pathetic blog diary Inchcock Today the obvious problems that Inchy was having and his failings causing them.

He had a talk with three woof-woofs, Old Rab, Susie and Spice and they all agreed that the decrepit Inchy really needed help and guidance and thought Duncan was the man to give this support and encouragement.

To prove his benevolent humanitarian nature, he even decided not to charge any VAT on his bill for the service, and thought it best not to mention the charge to Inchy until after the treatment was over, so as not to worry him like.

He’d already told Inchy on his previous visit to him, about his Schizophrenia and to expect him to appear wearing different clothing. Inchy just said he’s read about the Amsterdam airport and could see no problem, but looked a little confused.

As Duncan set off, he thought it best if he removed his L plates so as not to worry Inchy.

He set his Sat-Nav up for Nottingham and within an hour found himself approaching Alton Towers and knew something had gone wrong with the Sat-Nav possibly?

He pulled up and took off his jumper as he was sweating a bit about getting lost

After an hour or so he woke up.

The Sat-Nav got him into Nottingham and to Inchcock’s block of flats without further bother.

He found Inchy outside his flats making a phone call as his mobile came to life.

Dunc changed into his Batman outfit and met with Inchy and they went to his flat and had a natter and a cup of char.

He asked Inchy if he’d mind wearing an outfit that he’s hired for him and he agreed.

Duncan mentioned that he’d been to the Woodthorpe Park many any years ago and remembered it well, because he had dropped and lost a threepenny bit there in a croft in 1968 and would he mind going out with him to see if they could find it?

So when Inchy agreed, Dunc got his sign that he’d made out of one of his bags, and they set off into the woods.

Where Duncan said a few words in remembrance of the threepenny bit and laid a plaque.

Inchy liked the outfit that Dunc had supplied for him and was a tad peeved when Dunc told him he had another one for him to change into.

They went back to the flat and Duncan started his training session with Inchy.

Soon Inchy had learned how to visit the porcelain without giving himself shower at the same time and learnt what the roll of paper in there was for.

They changed outfits again and set off on a walk so Inchy could get some tips about walking without talking – because this has been a problem for others as he usually poddles along muttering away to his-self.

He was soon cured of this habit when Dunc clouted him across his head with his Bat-glove each time he started waffling.

Inchy changed clothes and they went to the local supermarket where Duncan hoped to train Inchy not to spend too much money and buy thing he didn’t need!

When Dunc saw him putting two bottles of Virgin Extra oil in his basket he inquired why he had done so.

Inchy replied: “They’re on offer, a pound off if I buy two of em!”

The Bat-glove was utilised again, with a venomous right hook following the initial slap across his mush.

They returned to Inchies flat, and Dunc brought up the matter of his fee, demanding that it is paid straight away or he would take goods to the value from the flat.

Although, if he took everything it wouldn’t add up to total of his bill presented to Inchy!

They tried to work out a weekly payment but Dunc wasn’t happy at that at all.

Inchy got his calculator out and decided it would take him ten years to pay at the weekly rate suggested, taking into account the interest as well like. He pointed out to Dunc that he would probably not live to 81 years of age and he wouldn’t get the dosh then would you?

Dunc softened a touch, and gave Inchy his last costume to put on while he thought over the proposition for payment.

Duncan enjoyed fitting it for him and asked if he could think of any other way to pay the bill.

“Ah… yes…” cried Inchy, “I have an American friend coming to see me next month, and the friend is a police officer of sorts in the States! Let me show you a photograph and you can meet up and sort out me payment!”

That shook Duncan up!

He wanted no truck nor bother with this gal!

So he decided to leave it up to whatever she decided when she came to visit Inchy and he’s agree to it.

Now, this tale is a load of baloney and just fun, but I’d like to report a serious little item here about Duncan Robertson…

He is now a grandfather again!

How such a beautiful Angel as Seren came from Duncan’s loins is amazing!

Nice one Dunc – well done, gawd yer must be so proud – and rightly so too!

No Politicians, Pavement Cyclists, Traffic Wardens or Jobs-worths were harmed in the creation of is post.

Unfortunately.