Medical Terminology Explained:

Anally: Occurring yearly

Antepartum : When your father’s sister goes home

Anti-Body: Against everyone

Artery: Study of paintings.

Aspirin: Snake up your leg.

Atonic: Goes with your gin

Bacteria: Back door of the cafeteria.

Bandages: – The Rolling Stones.

Barium:  What doctors do when treatment fails.

Benign:  What you are after you are eight.  

Bowel:  Letter like A.E.I.O.U.

Caesarean section: District in Rome.

Carpal: Someone with whom you drive to work.

Cat Scan: Searching for kitty.

Cauterise: Made eye contact with her.

Chiropractor:  An Egyptian doctor.

Codeine: Number you use at ATM.

Colic: Sheepdog.

Coma:  A punctuation mark.

Domperidone: Toilet session finished.

Congenital: Friendly.

Cardiology: Advanced study of poker playing.

Castrate: Market price for setting a fracture.

Coronary: Domesticated yellow bird.

Cortisone: The local courthouse.

Cystogram: A cable sent to your sister.

Diarrhoea: Journal of daily events.

Dilate: To live long.

Ear: Where you are now.

Elixir: What a dog gives to his owner when she gives him a bone.

Enema: Not a friend.

Fester: Quicker.

Fibrillate: To tell a small lie.

Fibula: A small lie.

Gallstones: What the Gauls threw at the Romans.

Hangnail: Coat-hook.

Humerus: Funny, tell us what we want to hear.

Impotent:  Distinguished, well known.

Inbred: The best way to eat peanut butter.

Inguinal:  A new type of Italian noodle.

Intense Pain: Torture in a tepee.

Jaundice: Biassed.

Kidney: Part of a child’s leg.

Labour pain: Conservative victory.

Medical staff: A doctor’s cane.

Migraine: What a Russian farmer now says about his harvest.

Minor operation: Coal mining.

Morbid: A higher offer.

Nitrates: Cheaper than day rates.

Node: Was aware of.

Organic: Church musician.

Outpatient: A person who has fainted.

Paralyse: Two far-fetched stories.

Pathological: A reasonable way to go.

Pelvis: Cousin of Elvis.

Penis: Someone who plays the piano.

Pharmacist: Person who makes a living dealing in agriculture.

Post­operative: A letter carrier.

Protein: In favour of young people.

Quackery: Politicians core training module.

Recovery room: A place to do upholstery.

Rectum: Dang near killed ‘em.

Rheumatic: Amorous.

Sacrum: Holy.

Saline: Where you go on your boyfriend’s boat

Scab: Blackleg in Union strike.

Scar: Rolled tobacco leaf.

Secretion: Hiding anything.

Seizure: Roman emperor.

Serology: A study of English knighthood.

Serum: What you do when you barbecue steaks.

Sterile solution: Not using the elevator during a fire.

Surgery: A reason to get an uninterruptible power supply.

Sperm: To reject.

Tablet: Small table.

Terminal illness: Getting sick at the airport.

Tibia: Country in North Africa.

Tumour: An extra pair.

Urine: Opposite of you’re out.

Varicose: Nearby.

Vein: Conceited.

Vitamin: What you do when friends stop by for a visit.

Warfarin: Rat killer.

Wart: Mr Disney.

X-Ray: Man, who changed his name.

Yersinia: Have you seen her?

Zinc: Where you wash the pots.