Saint Peter was having a slow day at the Pearly Gates, so he took a little stroll. He noticed that the fence between heaven and hell was in need of some repair. So he hollers over the fence to Lucifer.
Saint Peter: “This fence needs some repair. I’ll see to it that it gets fixed if you will help pay for it.”

Lucifer: “If you want it fixed, you pay for it.”

Saint Peter: “The fence is partly your responsibility, and you will help pay for it, or I will sue you for that amount.”

Lucifer: “Ha! And where do you think you are going to get a lawyer?!”

*****

Sunday 14 February 2016

Valentines Day – I expect to be busy! 

Gave up trying to sleep. I arose around 0250hrs, got up, I passed wind, visited the porcelain, then made a cup of tea.

I found myself in a sombre mood for some reason or other. Perhaps the dreams had been of a particular melancholic nature? 

Another visit to the bathroom, this time, to use the throne. This revealed the agony and blood from the rear end Hemorrhoids to be of a tenderness and inflammability not known before!

Laptop on to start this diary, and when I sat down, I almost took off again with the surprise at the shock at the pain the little devils were giving me!

Oh, dearie me!

Settling down after a few minutes trying to arrange things between my rear-end and the cushion that was mutually agreeable to both, and not too painful: Another sudden involuntary escapage of wind developed, that felt a little risky. So I had to get up and go to visit the bathroom again to check things out. Then go through all the palaver again of re-settling in the least painful position possible. Tut!

Inchcock was not very happy at all at this stage of the day. Humph!

No chance of doing any of the plans of cleaning up yet.

I had hoped to get the kitchen done today, but the piles were preventing me from doing so; Well, the pain and bleeding from them every time I moved, sat down or passed any wind, were.

Horrible isn’t it? One thing after another. Hey-ho, never mind, looking back at some of the stupid stuff I did as a youngster, makes me think I deserve to suffer like this. Gloom and self-reproach dawned.

0400hrs: took the medications – the dosage pots will need doing later. This task I can manage I reckon, no bending involved. Of course, all I have to do now is remember the job need doing, and stay awake long enough to get it done. Hehe!

I visited the bathroom again, to clean my teeth because the inside of my mouth felt, dry, furry somehow. More bother here.

On looking in the mirror (Something I like to keep to a minimum), I espied blotches all over me face, cracked lips and bleeding from inside and around the gums?

Was I rotting away? Haha!

Dispirited even more now, I spoke with myself and told me, “You can only expect these things at your age mate! With all your problems you’re lucky to be here, you should have croaked ages ago!” This did cheer me up a little.

I Considered changing the instructions for my gravestone wording to: “He Came, He Failed, He Went – It was cruel that he was allowed to come in the first place!” Hehehe!

I settled (gingerly and carefully) back into the chair at the laptop and finished yesterday’s diary off and posted it.

Started an Ode post, hoping it would sound amusing to anyone reading it like.

Got it finished and posted.

The morning had shot by; it was gone 0700hrs already.

I think I might, after my bath, have a walk up into Woodthorpe Grange Park and see if I can find something decent to photographicalise?

The main event – the Bathing!

Fun was getting out of the bath today. Oh yes! The right leg was easier, but this didn’t stop it giving way on me as I tackled the job of standing up after my scrub and soak. Oh No! Then the task of actually getting me leg over (Not good at this) left me sprawled half-in-half-out of the tub, spreadeagled so as to speak. Eventually, I did manage to free myself only to bang the leg on the side of the bath as I did so. some surprising language burst forth, but I couldn’t resist seeing the funny side of it all.

Took the last of my Angina under-tongue lozenge. The GP is stopping them. 

Then I got Little Inchy well dried and the Betamethasone corticosteroid cream on his lesion. Phorpain gelled the knees ankles and hands. Cetraben creamed the marks on my face neck and arms. Applied the pile’s cream on me rear end.

I’ll be glad when they get around to doing the Haemorrhoidectomy, I think.

Sorted out the medication into their time-related colour coded little dosage pots

All proof that here: that growing old can have just a few drawbacks. Hehe!

Then I got myself wrapped up well, and set off on my walk up to the park.

The weather was surprisingly good this morning. No rain, the winds had dropped at last, and the sun was out! The sky and clouds were bright!

I went via the back route over the field. The climb was a bit dodgy underfoot, as the rain had not drained away. But the sight of the Bluebells forcing their way through the muddy soil cheered me up a bit.

I hobbled up to the path, turned and took a photographicalisation of the Woodthorpe Court flats I’d departed from earlier. Then I walked along the road, and onto the grass (Bit dodgy again underfoot here) and down to the end of the park, to take a photograph of the full-size model of a train-engine front, cleverly added to the old entrance to a tunnel.

I was sad to see that the yobboes had added some more graffiti around it.

Getting out from there was another task that needed care on my behalf. The soil and what bit of grass thereabouts were very wet and slippery.

Hey-ho, I managed to get back up to the footpath without any undo hiatus.

Farther up the walkway, I took a photograph to the North of Nottingham, towards Mansfield and Sutton.

I don’t know if the detail will show in the distance on this shot, but it is virtually nearly all housing estates.

I stood and watched some of the locals with their dogs, all having a good time.

Although there were not that many out and about today, perhaps it was a little early?

Then made my way down the gravel path to the flats.

The clouds in the sky looked amazing to me.

Got to the bottom of the hill and, Whoopsidangleplop; I hit me leg on one of the giant stones as I passed it.

I’ve flipping been in agony with it since.M

I had to catch it right on the torn muscle part didn’t I?

Humph and curse!

I limped up to the flat.

Took the medications. Laptop on, and updated this effort.

Got some fodder ready, took me a while and I got it wrong in places.

Lamb and veg stew, I added some gravy, but it had gotten a bit cold somehow? And when laying it out, I put the potato scones back in the oven to warm a bit longer and forgot about them.

Oh dear!

I was so tired and weary again. I did nothing of any value other than watching some A-Team videos in between nodding off and rewinding!

I’d forgotten how bad, yet funny they were.