If, by chance, you are elderly, poorly and unsteady on your feet,

A real challenge would be to hobble down Clumber Street,

Big Issue sellers, jugglers and street performers you’ll meet,

Mobile phone and TV sellers will collar you and browbeat,

Pavement Cyclist, skate-boarders infest this back-street, 

Risks of being knocked over and ran into high, as for space they compete!

It’s safer if you persistently wave your walking stick about,

Not that this would save you from the muggers without doubt,

And you’ll probably fall over giving your head a clout,

The pick-pockets are good, they’ll leave you with nowt,

For shoplifters escaping store detectives, you must watch out!

 Nearby competing take-aways, offer a variety smells, and a distinctive pong,

The first takeaway van offers goat meat sarnies, frogs legs and ox-tongue,

The next one sells Kangaroo, Ostrich and Beef from the Billabong,

Then the Asian chippy van, Japati with curried chips from Kawan,

Poo aloo, Pohe, and pickled pigeon from Choo Chong,

The usual that infest our City are there, to feed every tongue,

McDonalds, KFC, King Burger for which many Nottinghamians long,

So don’t fall over the packages that are where they don’t belong!

There will be some nice looking lasses as you hobble up and down,

Some so pretty and beautiful, they will hold you spellbound,

You lose your footing and fall to the ground,

Many Nottinghamians, will instantly gather around,

As they steal your wallet, they will pat you down.

Asking how are you, do you feel sound?

A cyclist or mobile scooter will hit you as you turn around, 

So remember, Clumber Street is the criminals playground!