I’ll start with just what is a Whoopsiedangleplop,

It’s when the accidents, mishaps and calamities don’t stop,

Inanimate things break, disappear & if breakable, these you’ll drop,

 The surgeon takes poorly when doing your hernia op,

Your brain power is of 50cc in power, others have a turboprop,

Some go hang-gliding or skiing, you visit the bookshop,

For a self-treat some buy themselves a Jaguar or BMW soft-top,

A Whoopsiedangleplopper treats himself to an orange lollipop,

Other blokes may have a perm, but you’ve no hair on top,

Whoopsedangleplopper’s, too soft, you won’t even tread on a snowdrop,

Blokes work on their cars in the garage or workshop,

You polish your Pensioner’s bus pass as you wait at the bus stop,

Men give their partners Caviar, you make yours do with chips & a rollmop,

And Whoopsiedangleplopper’s, buy their clothes from the charity shop.

Common sense, confidence, social skills, Whoopsiedangleploppers? No ability!

Born, but unwelcomed into the world, a pity,

Whoopsiedangleplops followed him with great ubiquity,

He was surrounded my anger, hatred and mendacity,

But tried all his life to be kind, caring and witty,

Worked hard not to become a burden or a liability,

He soon learned to despise hatred, the selfish and nihility,

But to free himself of Whoopsiedangleplops he had no ability,

Dragged up in slums, he did not want nobility,

Thrown into the canal, that was no farcicality!

He yearned for a family and happiness in any quantity,

But he got just unintended iniquity, 

Left school at fourteen, little education or capability,

Into a bed and breakfast dwelling, turned to alcohol, life was shitty.

Got a partner and lost her soon, then a new disability,

The ailments he accrued with great persistency,

Deafness, colour blindness, duodenal ulcer with rapidity,

New mechanical ticker valve, done my Dr Ivan Moskovsky,

Then his hernia, being shot, and Anne Gyna appeared,

As he anticipated more ailments came over the years,

Broke his leg, ankles and rheumatoid  arthritis appears,

Then his reflux valve stuck to add to his fears.

Crushed his big toe, then he got colitis another disability,

Made redundant when turned 62, life was not very pretty,

Made redundant twice more, life now full of instability,

Eight years later, still full of gullibility,

Moves into the flat, feeling great inferiority,

Since which nothing has gone right much at all,

Not that life has ever been a ball…

I face each new day filled with trepidity.

Thinking, how today will show my stupidity,

I’m bound to once again display my ineffectivity,

I’d love to find and show some intrepidity.

In support of the Outer Peruvian Pregnant Kangaroo Appreciation Society