Ode to the Radiators Installation Day

Geroff out for the day, the Obergruppenfureress Warden said to me,

“Yer not see wot they’re doing, and you’ll be noise free”,

She took her hand from around me neck, and so I did agree,

So, on the fitting-morning, off out I did merrily flee,

Duodenal Donald hurting, Arthur Itis painful on me knee,

Also a shame it was freezing and so icy!

I set off on my hobble, with determination,

A long day out ahead, luckily I had constipation,

Walked through Sherwood, and then Carrington,

Which way to walk to the Arboretum,

I took the shortest route, this took no persuasion.

Through the Nottingham Rock Cemetary, I rested,

Thought that death should not be detested,

But life should not be unattested,

Knowledge should be shared and reinvested,

Those in the know, shouldn’t be so tight-fisted,

By gum, been a long walk, my feet are getting blistered!

Arrived at the pond, bird and duck food in my carrier,

But this did not make me feel any cheerier,

Not a duck or bird in sight,

The water had frozen-over, surrounded by dying wisteria,

l looked on the bright side, at least I haven’t got diphtheria!

A Pavement Cyclist, came from behind, far too close!

I shouted out a sarcastic verbal ‘Thank you boss’!

His reply was naughty word ridden and gross,

I answered with meaningless verbose,

Walked the other way, and bade him Adios!

I went to tower and the cannons on show,

Nibbled an apple and ate a marshmallow,

They both tasted horrible though,

It was a long way for this old one to walk, though!

Eventually, I got home, back to the flat,

To find the electricians, one was wearing a hat,

But it doesn’t matter about that,

Why did I mention it? Don’t know, I am a pratt,

They laughed at me limping, and we had a chat,

Most of which I have since forgat,

They showed me the controls, not how to use them, not that,

I wish they had, I wanted to be a copy-cat,

I asked for information,

One big bloke called me a miniature wombat,

But we soon came to a concordat,

What with me being a scaredy-cat,

I thanked them and gave each one a two-bar Kit-Kat!

The spare room Radiator

The Living Room Radiator

The Hallway Radiator

The Kitchen Radiator was of interest,

Tried opening the cupboard-door and drawer too,

I really did try my best, get to retrieve my packets of Tyhpoo,

The carving knife stuck at the draw-back, will have to do!

But let me tell you…

Damn it, the memory has gone again, I’m going Cuckoo!