Thursday 26th March 2020

Swedish: Torsdagen den 26 Mars 2020

01:45hrs: I stirred into an ersatz version of life; feeling otiose, vague, and in need of a non-alcoholic potation. As I removed my horrendously ever-growing stomach with thin arms and legs attached to it, from the £300, second-hand, c1968 recliner, the innards gurgled, I started coughing, and wind passed involuntarily from the rear end!

The thoughts of a brew of tea came second to the need for the Porcelain Throne. Off to the wet-room, the walking stick had never been used quickerer! In, PPs down, settled and… Wind! Nothing but noisy and smelly fluffer-doodling! Past experiences made me wait there, in case of sudden movements catching me out. A go at the crosswords, no clues solved, and no action actuated! Had a wash, changed PPs. Off to get the kettle on, as if the tea was a drug to me?

I got the kettle on, took the medications, again dropping the Omeprazole capsule, and made a brew of Glengettie. Into the computer desk, and had a look at the two-page, side-effects of the Omeprazole’s leaflet. But there was so much of it, I gave up.

Got the computer on, and went on Word Press Reader first. Then tackled updating the Wednesday post.

The almost immediate need to go back to the Throne was responded to as fast as I could manage it. Which was a good thing too! Because this time the innards-controlled evacuation started the moment I’d got seated. Eurgh! Splosh, splash, quirt, splatter! And with an aroma, that if bottled, could have been used as an effective nerve-gas by the military!

The stomach churned and ached after the release, for a long time. I cleaned up once more, me and the WC. Then had a few good-sized guzzles of the Silica gel and Dimethicone medicine, thinking it might calm down the borborygmus eruptions. (It didn’t) Shame, the pong of the repeated intestinal gas escapes, is filling the flat already, and it continues. As does the rumbling, grumbling innards and eructations, in between my coughing and sneezing. Sounds terrible, doesn’t it? It is! Gruelling-Gromble-Garblisations!

When I got the post updated and sent off, I went on Pinterest, then TFZer Facebooking. Then did some searching to find out about the two outstanding Amazon orders. A good job that I’m home-isolated innit!

I tried for the ninth time in 24hrs, to get a Morrison Grocery order done. Hehehe! What a hopeful, old, gullible, senile idiot, I am!

I got some graphics done. Started this blog off. The gut still exploding, but the coughing had eased off, and one of the sneezes was probably heard by Sandra Lentz and Tim Price in America! As for the accompanying wind… Phwoar!

I made a brew of Thompsons Punjana tea and had to shoot off to the Throne again. Oh, dear! Another messy, miasmic smelling session. I keep washing my hands in between and on Throne visits, and I must have the cleaning mitts in the place!

I opened a can of baked beans and put some hickory marinade in them, a long soak into for later.

I did a try at getting some food from Ocado. Another negative, no slots available!

I went on Facebook for a while, then on to CorelDraw for a creating graphic session.

After about a couple of hours,  the door chimes rang out with their ♫I only want to be with you!♫. I thought it might be Amazon with the ear inserts or seaweed packs. I got my onerously large body to the front door. There, just outside on the floor, was a bag of food that had been left for me!

I’ve no idea who had donated the fodder for me, but it was a beautiful gesture. I unloaded the pack, full of appreciation.

The cobs will be perfect with my beans later! Onions and carrots, I’ve got some parsnips in reasonable nick, in the fridge. Tomorrow’s meal sorted thanks to the donator. That frees me from the worry of having to go out today! Bless whoever it was! Canned mushy peas, baked beans, sardines. A yoghourt that unfortunately has the lethal to me cranberries in it. Milk, lemonade, tomato puree, and some white bread. So kind of them! Oh, and a can of orange pieces, a perfect after for me!

I was putting the stuff away, and the landline rang and flashed. It was from Jenny. She was the angel who left the food for me, and perfect timing it was, may her foibles ferment with festive functions frequently! ♥ After the current scare, of course. Thanks again, Jenny! I feel humbled!

Made a brew in celebration, and got back to the graphicalisationing. It was slow going, and I had to leave it again, for yet another Porcelain Throne mission! The same evacuation mode as the last one. By gum, I’ve got a sore bottom now! Dangwangling Dangwangles!

After much tenderising and medicating, I returned and, oh, so painfully sat in the computer chair. I could do with another of the cushion-rings. Tsk!

The Dizzy Dennis and Shaking Shaun visits got too much for me. I had to stop computerising and while putting everything away, had to pay another Porcelain Throne visit, a visitational record today I think. Exactly the same activity. Messiness and uncomfortableness. I took an anti-Diarrhorea-Duncan capsule. Washed medicated and had to just sit quietly for a while.

Within seconds I’d drifted into a dream-filled sleep, in which I knew I was sleeping and just seemed to be enjoying the mangled,  foozled dreams.

The landline flashed and sounded, I woke and fumbled my way to the phone. It was Jenny, helping me out again! She had miraculously got through to Iceland to give an order. And, as is her natural, considerate, obliging characteristics, she asked if I would like anything adding to the order for Saturday. If I email her back with anything, she will add it to her order. Not many folks would think of that, but Jenny is special.

I was still a tad confused at being woken up. And am not sure if owt else was said, and I sat down again for a few minutes and wrote down some items, then nodded off again.

I woke with a start. With a new headache above the eyes. Accompanied by Shaking Shaun, and Shaking Shoulder-Shirley having a go at me. To round things off, Flatulating Frank was rampant and persistent. Off to the Throne again! At least this session was not as messy.

My body just wanted to sleep, but I wanted to get back to Jenny and thank her and give a little list of items she had kindly asked for me to add to her Iceland delivery. Her delivery is for late on Friday, and Jen’ politely said she would not wake-me then, and bring it to me until Saturday morning. The lady is so thoughtful! So, a treat of braised beef in onion gravy cook-in-the-bag again for me this weekend after all! Bless yers, Jenny!

I got the computer on again. And sent the email. Then got the meal prepared. I had to take care in doing so, cause Shirley and Shaun were in attendance still.

The hickory seasoned beans with the last of the tomatoes, and triple-fried chips, and the Jenny-supplied bread, were smashing!

A taste-rating of 8.5/10! The white slice and cobs did an excellent job of soaking up the sauce! Hehehe!

I washed the dish and cutlery and got the handwashing in Woolite soaking in the bowl. I was too tired to do it tonight. It had been an emotional, draining, ‘shaking-all-over’ day, the Trots, and the fatigue and lack of proper sleep had affected me worse than usual.

I got back down in the £300, second-hand, dilapidated, c1968, rickety recliner. The eyes began to droop, and a particular sort of, well, almost joy came over me, as I realised I might get some sleep in without waiting for hours. I think Flatulent Frank agreed, cause he kept passing little comments! Hahaha!

As a blissful Morpheus was coming over me, and Dogwangles! I’d not taken the evening medications! With tremendous and grumpy petulant reluctance, I heaved my stomach-dominated torso from the recliner. And made my way to the kitchen’s medicines drawer…

– As slowly as I was hobbling, and as carefully as I could, I still managed to give myself a toe-stubbing on the corner of the kitchen door! I held onto the door frame for extra support, closed my eye, and withheld the urge to cry out loud and swear! A few moments later, after a Thought Storm that was partly incomprehensible, but included niggling, depressive thoughts about my bad luck and stupidity, I got the medications from the drawer and imbibed them with a drink of spring water.

It took me a lot longer to get back to the chair than it did to get to the kitchen. The throbbing toe, headache above the eyes and Shaking-Shoulder-Shirley joined forces to stop me getting to sleep for along time. But fatigue was getting the upper hand slowly but surely. Sweet Morpheous blessedly arrived!

But not for long! Tsk! The sounds of ♫ I only want to be with you ♫ rang out from the door chimes. Reluctantly, I freed my weighty lump of a body from the recliner, the toe didn’t half sting, as I fumbled my way to the door. It was Josie ringing, to tell me I’d had a parcel left outside the door. Bless her! I’m sure we chatted, I seem to remember telling her it was the seaweed snacks, and she would have some on her Sunday meal and thanking her for letting me know.

I was done-in now, mentally. How I got back to the recliner, and where I put the seaweed box, will have to be investigated in the morning.

Never have I been so tired! But I did get down and asleep, I know this because later, ♫ I only want to be with you ♫ rang out from the door chimes, and woke me again! Argh! There was no one there when I got to the door!

Crying out loud was an option that came to mind… but I didn’t!