Friday 17th April 2020

Indonesian: Jumat 17 April 2020

02:10hrs: I woke with two voices talking to me, both apparently, mine? One said “Sod-it, go back to sleep,  soddum all!” the naughty me. The other, obviously a more conscientious me, said, “Don’t mess about, it takes you that long to get anything done nowadays, here is your chance to get caught up on your CorelDrawing, come on, gerrup!” The naughty me won this argument, and I drifted off back into slumberland!

05:00hrs: I’d been having a bad dream, where I was being chased by a gang of armed, vicious, blood-thirsty hoodlums again, through demolished offices, I sprang awake. Passed wind violently, and the innards started churning and rumbling, and a tummy-ache of Defcon Two proportions kicked in. My immediate thought, was, is this through those damned pork and leek sausages I ate last night? They looked almost white, the skin was three or four times the usual thickness for wienerwursts, I was a bit doubtful about eating them at the time. But I think not, cause they were very mild with a delicate taste of leeks, any pork flavour had done a bunk.

 I had no option other than to get my still aching from cleaning up the flood mess body, dragged off of the £300, second-hand, c1968 recliner, with some difficulty. Arthur Itis and Back-Pain-Brenda being the main culprits. Grabbed the stick, and wobbled to the wet room.

 And to think that I thought yesterday’s last visit was a painful one! This was a painful one! I almost tired myself out with all the agonising force needed to get things through. But at least, the bleeding was no worse, and not a messy evacuation.

Washed, and off to make a brew and take the medications. Toothache Terence wasn’t too bad for once, so no extra painkillers were taken… of course, I’ll probably get a Neuropathic Schuhplattler dance, Dizzy Dennis spell, or Shaking Shaun attack and injure myself later, and end up taking one anyway. (Depressed? Lack of Confidence? Anxiety? Insecurity? Self-doubt?, Self-loathing? Nervousness? Defeatism? Negativity? Pessimism? Demoralised? Despondent? Melancholia? Me? Yes!)

I took a couple of snaps of the view outside. The mist was clearing, I just wish the fog of depression would go away from me.

 On to the computer, and made a start on the updating of the Thursday post. It became a tad farcical, Nicodemus’s Neurotransmitters were on and off, which meant it took me even longer than I expected. Saccades-Sandra kept making focussing difficult at times. But neither were consistent, they keep coming and going. This was getting to me today. Hours were lost in just correcting things done wrongly through the senseless fingers or Sandra’s blurring of vision. What with the floods that were my fault, the struggle to sort out food, not being considered at risk, so no food parcels, I fear that depression is coming over me again. Sickly, pathetic self-pity! Humph!

I made the comments on WordPress and then went on the Reader Section.

My usual heart and enthusiasm were not with me. I didn’t, couldn’t, seem to snap out of it this morning.

I checked the emails, I can’t work out if the virus situation is getting easier or not. Confirmed cases seem to be getting fewer. But, of course, there are millions of people who have not had any checks yet, so, if they check fewer patients, the figure will go down? And the deaths recorded are only those who died in a hospital. The hundreds who have died in care homes or their own home are not registered. According to the Guardian newspaper anyway.

 Boy, I’m on a downer today!

I emailed the blog link and pressed on, stutteringly with this blog.

The landline tinkled and flashed. Sister Jane, who was out shopping, to get some eggs on Central Avenue in West Bridgford, rang me from the ‘Social Distance’ waiting queue! She said she was at number 18 on the list.

It really cheered me up a bundle, when I was informed that she and Pete had had there weekly freebie box of food delivered today. Fruits, canned goods, pasta, toilet rolls, vegetables, sauces, rice, cakes, bread etc., oh, I was pleased for them! I’m not complaining really (much!), I did get a loaf of bread and bottle of milk last week from the Nottingham City Council.

It seems I am not ill enough or do not have sufficient ailments for me to qualify as in need, for any food parcels. Nottingham County Council, give them out to fit people of the same age as me. Who are pools and lottery winners, have been left a fortune by unknown distant relatives, retired at 32, live in a mansion, on a tree-lined avenue, with a bus service at both ends of the road, car-owners as well! Luckily, this does not bother me.  Hehehe!

 Well, I might add something to the list of my ailments (Which are, Reflux Valve sticking, Mechanical Aorta Heart valve fitted, Duodenal ulcer, Hernia, Ever bleeding piles and awaiting a strangulation operation, Peripheral Neuropathy, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Ischemic stroke, given Clopidgrel in hospital and found to be allergic to it, but it’s in my bloodstream, and blotches, lumps on the ever-changing legs have to be contended with now. Dizzy spells every day, At risk for falls, Saccades, Thrombophlebitis, and Neurotransmitters dying (right side of my body) which makes walking and keeping balance very difficult. Deafness, Warfarin for life, Bladder cancer. And now Stuttering-Stephanie (along with the deafness) is making life and communicating a bloody nightmare at times!

But this list above is not enough to get a food parcel. I’ll see if I can catch something else to add to these and try again. Depressed? Me?

I went to make a start on prepping for the meal later. I got some canned potatoes in the saucepan, (Took them out of the can first, mind) and added some hoisin sauce and hickory.

I emptied the beef in onion into the pan with the potatoes. Unfortunately, Nocodemus’s nerve ends failed while I was pouring in the hickory, the whole lot tipped into the saucepan! I spent the next hour or so, keeping nipping in to extract some gravy and add boiling water, to weaken the juice. Boy, it was intense! Hehe! Another mess to clear up. Tsk!

The mist had cleared. I took a photo of towards Nottingham. Then zoomed right in to try and get a decent shot of the high-rise student flats right in the distance (Near the centre of the panorama photo).

A lady Vapour was taking her three doggies for a walk. I tried to catch all three dogs with her in one shot, but the younger one was very lively. Hahaha! I did manage to get one chance.

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Well, I wanted to do some more graphics, but Saccades and Nicodemus decided I shouldn’t.

So I got the nosh sorted out. I had overdone it with spilling the hickory into the stew. I and to remove a lot of gravy and weaken it, before serving it up. But it was worth the effort, it tasted most delightful! The flavour rating was a worthy 8/10.

I got it all slowly masticated and digested, got the washing-up done (Slow job).

The door chime rang out, and I stumbled to the door. It was Robert. Our caretaker, he’d kindly brought me a bottle of bleach. I think I must have mentioned to him on Wednesday, about not being able to get any. Kind of him. I ignorantly did not offer to pay for the bleach, I was half-out of things with Dizzy Dennis having a go at me at the time. Sorry, Robert, and thanks. Saved the day for me there!

Settled to watch some TV, got my head down a bit earlier today, in hopes of getting some sleep in for a change. (Oy vey!) The self-derogatory thought-Storming started almost straight away! On, and on they flowed. Eventually, and thankfully, I nodded off…

The landline rang and flashed, I struggled to get to the phone in time. I was the nice lady from the NCC Support Team. But Stuttering Stephanie came online, and the worst visit ever, I could hardly get words out, and when I did, the poor lady could not decipher them. Then said, “You don’t sound too well, I’ll ring you back later another day.” I thanked her, but then again, I think I thanked her and seemed to find myself back down on the recliner, with a blank period in between talking and getting sat down.

Sleep had decided it would not return again, I’d upset it I think with keeping getting up.

I spent hours, musing, thinking, Thought-Storming, and passing wind!