Sunday 24th May 2020

Azerbaijani: Bazar 24 May 2020

04:00hrs: I woke up, for about the twentieth time, in imperative need of another wee-wee. I was out of the £300, second-hand, rickety recliner swiftly. I caught my balance, grabbed the stick, and hobbled over to the EOGPB (Emergency-Overnight-Grey-Plastic-Bucket).

I found the bucket, too full to risk using again. And miraculously, I carried the bucket, and the walking stick, to the wet room, and arrived in time to avoid any leakages en route! A certain amount of smugness was gleaned from this little victory!

I started off in a regular man’s standing position, the wee-wee was barely a trickle. Then I had to do a quick turnaround, and got seated on the Porcelain Throne, for the, (what I thought was) on-it’s-way evacuation! But no, things stopped part-way again, and the crossword book was utilised for many minutes, as I sat there wincing, before Constipation Konrad decided to reactivate and release items. Just as yesterday, a messy dollop that took several flushes to remove. And a heck of cleansing and medicating certain bodily area afterwards!

How many folks do you know, who wake, go for a wee, need a sudden dump, that sticks half-way. Toys with his crossword book for 15 minutes, waiting in pain before Constipation Konrad allows movement again. Then has to clean-up and treat Little Inchies fungal lesion (Nearly crying out in pain as he does so), then the same for Harold’s Haemorrhoids! Finally, get himself a quick wash. Good Heavens, it was an hour-plus by the time I’d done this little lot! I was ready for some sleep again! Hahaha!

Still, on the bright side, there were no trips, tumbles, Dizzy Dennis or Shaking Shaun visits. Nicodemus’s Neurotransmitters and Duodenal Donald were trouble-free! Saccades Sandra was a smidge blurry at times. But, fair do’s, Anne Gyna was stabbing away, and Reflux Roger was bothersome. The worst thing at this moment is Toothache Tim was starting to ache a bit. Can’t win ’em all!

Off to the kitchen, took the BP, Sys 155, Dia 69, Pulse 72 and temperature showing as just ‘Low’. Sys reading is a bit high. When I took the medications, I felt like having an extra pain-killer, to counter Toothache Tim. But with the rear-end passing problems, I’ve already been taking extra Codeine, and this may be contributing to the Constipation Konrads recent run of success in fouling up my evacuations? After a little ponderisationing and circumlocutionary dithering, I decided to take only an extra Co-codamol. I’m not sure how I arrived at this decision, but I’m almost sure it made sense at the time. Maybe?

It must have been gone 06:00hrs now. I opened the unliked, unwanted, letting draughts and rain in, thick-framed, light and view-blocking, cannot be accessed for cleaning, designed by a photography hating designer, window in the kitchen, and took a couple of snaps of the morning’s cloudy skies.

With an unnatural for me, turn of determination, I laughed at Nocodemus’s dying nerve-ends, and Shoulder Shuddering Sheila best efforts at disrupting my progress, and delay me further! I contemptuously sneered at their designs to deter me from my computerisationing! Admittedly, it took me far longer than usual to get the updating finished, but I mocked their (Nicodemus & Sheila’s) painful efforts, by not letting them get to me in the slightest! (It was as if someone else was in control of my mind?) Time for some Sanity-Testing, methinks! When I realised how I’d coped with the attacks, all calm and almost nonchalantly, the biggest swank-mode-ever came over me.

I went on Pinterest to post a few photos. Then checked the Emails and posted the link.

As I went onto the WP Reader…

And, as a testimony to my composure and restraint this morning. (I know, it’s a little rare!), I had no urge to question the parentage, abilities, greed, ridiculously sickening to ordinary working people salary, or bullying nature of Mr (No idea how to give a service that works – but I still get paid) Fries, at all. Honestly!

Unflappably, I just put the computer in sleep mode, and went and got two black bags made up, and limped to the waste chute with them. Returned to the apartment, and looked in the fridge to decide what to have for me nosh later on.

Not only that, but I made my choice! All logical-like, sensible and worked out! I will make Josies first, I’ll have some of the Iceland sausage burgers, make extra cheesy potatoes for Josie, and have them cold with the sausage pattie thingies in bread rolls, some tomatoes as well later on. I then planned Josie’s nosh. Cheesy spuds, gherkins, tomatoes, cheese discs, Tuna chunks in brine, mixed with some BBQ mayonnaise, garden peas and mackerel in mild chilli sauce.

Back to the computer, booted her up, and the internet was back working. I finished the WordPress reader perusing. Sent the links off for the blog, and got a can of the San Benedetto, Primo Spremtura Clementina juice from the fridge, and took a swig as I worked for an hour or so, CorelDrawing making a graphic to use on tomorrow‘s Inchcockski.

Oh, by Cragknackles! That was a mistaka-to-maker! Toothache Tim was most annoyed with my stupidity in gulping down the biggest mouthful of the ‘Oh-so-cold, clementine drink! Now my new-found calmness and acceptance mode was changed immediately! Argh! I dare not try any more painkillers, so I had to grit my teeth! But, I was aware that it was my own silly fault! Schnook!

I turned the computer to Sleep Mode and got on with Josie’s nosh. All went well. apart from taking a photo of the good-looking meal, with no Simcard in the Nikon, not realising until much later when I got around to, theoretically uploading it. My mood is sinking back toward the darkness, now! Oy, Vey!

Delivered the meal to Josie’s door. She asked if she could pay me, but I wasn’t having that! I told Josie, no need, as long as she likes it, then that’s enough for me! Bless her! 

I got on with updating this blog for a few hours. Oh, the wee-wees have died down now! Just thought I’d mention it, like. Hahaha!

And then, again…

I gave up, turned everything off, and tended to making up my own dinner. Got the sausage patties in the oven, dribbled with a drop of Hickory Garden peas in the saucepan, and cheesy mash on the plate with the tomatoes.

Unbelievable, now out of the blue, Dizzy Dennis is having a bash at me! He was worryingly persistent this time. The stomach began rumbling and grumbling, but no pain with it, just a tad uncomfy.

Got the plastic plate piled up with pretty fodder, and poddled to the recliner to digest the decent looking pot-luck, potlatch. Overall Taste-Rating: 5/10.

The sausage patties looked natty and appealing. But oddly with no smell coming from them when they came out of the oven? I should imagine, if I’d had patties made of paper-mache soaked for a week in stagnant 20/30 gearbox oil for a month or two, the taste would have been the same. Eurgh!

Got the washing up done, and nipped to the wet room for freshen up. I took this photo of the just above the belly button burn mark, I got last night, and recall taking it to make up a funny idea I had for a graphic. But blown if I can remember what my idea was now! Something about a black hole?

The rumbling innards did not indicate any Porcelain Throne needs, though?

I got down in the recliner, to struggle to find sleep arriving. Tons of nod-offs, mind, that lasted a minute or so each time.

The damned ‘Hum’ became louder the longer I failed to nod off properly.

Many get-ups for a wee-wee again. Not easy having so many, in my physical state. I’m concerned that the walking stick ferrules will wear down to a frazzle! Hehehe!

Take care folks, hope you are all coping ‘wiv-fings’ okay. TTFN!