Inchcocks Local News Snippets – Part 12⅝th

Don’t forget, when it’s wet, Aspro keeps you dry,
A saying from my youth, putting this in, you may think why?
Sorry, I’ve not got the foggiest, I’m losing it, I cannot lie!
So, the police take it seriously if it’s been reported?
A passing policeman saw it; would he be uninterested?
Oh, my sarcasm is at its peskiest!

By the time I’d read this, I’d a headache from my arithmophobia!
The NHS workers are well above being mediocre…
The pressure they’ve been under must have been a live-changer,
Can’t we do something, so they can have a recharger?
To give them a decent pay rise – reading this, Boris, you minger!

I don’t mean to be a rumourmonger or scandalmonger, scaremonger, But I’ll hold my hands up to being a gossipmonger!
But why does a Tory like what Boris used to be… Nae, not really!
Pay big raises to some, and others are not so feely-feely?
Boris is not a low-lifer… more like a copy of Lucifer?
Whatever your view; I think it’s the type of politics you prefer
Are politicians, each one a philanderer, or pilferer,
Are they better than a postman or scaffolder?
A lot of them get caught, exposing their doojigger…
Expense fiddlers, tax-dodger, or some a doppelganger!
They all seem to quickly point their forefinger…
They’ll make one if there isn’t a political cliffhanger,
Some MPs are better than others at propaganda…
I think of them when I’m using my guzunder!
Cause they take the piss, lie, cheat and plunder…
Cunningly increasing prices, they invest with a Luxemburger…
Still, bless ’em, they have a lot of money to launder!.

The grey cells seem to have got a bit mixed up here, doing this little ode below. The plot sort of evaporated. I ended up having a go at the politicians. Nothing new, I know, but usually, I can control these urges. Getting it back online, in a fashion, took me ages. Sorry!

Figures and numbers again, what an ache,
They can be manipulated, for the politicians’ sake!
For the politicians and wealthy, caviar at Le Gavroche,
Where a dinner cost around $590 per person, Ouch!
Still, I’m content with my cheesy potatoes and a fishcake,
Too much and rich food gives me the tummyache…
Anything rich, like roast quails, venison or cheesecake,
My finances are tight, my bank interest is opaque,
I’ll stick with the base food brought over by Francis Drake?
Potatoes, chips, mash, roast or raw… I always want more,
It’s the prol’ in me, I’m used to struggling, always been poor,
I’m at ease with plebs; they try to nick off of you, I assure…
But by my having nowt they haven’t got, I’m safe for sure
I need nowt else, no desire for haute couture!
Yep, in all things and areas, I am, at best, demure…
Just as well that I’m no epicure…
I’ve lost track of what I typing about – a mental rupture?
Intelligence, education, long ago I did disinure!

I’m not doing a lot for Nottingham’s tourist industry here!

When I see such figures, confident, I’m not!
Then again, who am I, intelligent, clever… You what!
I had faggots and potatoes for lunch… but it matters not!
How are these numbers arrived at and begot?
Are they accurate, true, to be trusted, or am I a clot?
I think they are part of a political plot…
Believing them leaves my brain in a knot,
Is truth doctorable, like a camera shot?
Have they been got at by a Judas Iscariot?
Are they genuine? Or fiddled, and tommyrot?
Or, am I a thicker than I thought fusspot?

Murderers, murderers who tell people they are going to kill someone an hour before they do, and the pathetic namby-pamby, out of touch with reality, criminal fancying, Arf-arf, judge tells him he believes you didn’t intend to kill him. Humph! No, you bewigged Pratt! The drugs made him do it, which are supposed to be illegal! No wonder crime is rising, with pillocks like this giving laughable sentences for murderers, and he can’t remember the evidence!

But it doesn’t bother me, oh, no!

Reminds me of a humorous happening that occurred when I was recovering from the heart op in the City Hospital. I was to be allowed visitors that day and had an appointment with the DVT Clinic in the morning. They collected me, and the chatting merrily nurses that took me to the clinic stopped in the main corridor and asked if they left me there for a couple of minutes, would I mind?

No problem, I replied. (I got the crossword book and pen snuck under the blanket on the trolley). I fell asleep, though… I was woken by a very concerned and harassed looking and sounding nurse.

I’d been there apparently, for over two hours, and no one had missed me. (It’s with me being so popular, Haha!) Sister Jane and Pete had come to visit me to find an empty bed – Poor Jane was genuinely concerned (I owed her a tenner – Haha, only joking!)

Up and onwards, near the end now…

So, if anyone fancies a lovely peaceful break over Easter, Covid restriction permitting; Why not visit Nottingham. They have a few cafe’s that have not gone bankrupt during the lockdown. If you fancy staying, there are many retail units available for sale or rent on the half-mile stretch of Mansfield Road available… You might even consider moving to Nottingham? No? I don’t blame yer!

Part of The Inchcock Make Em Laugh with Odes Series

17 thoughts on “Inchcocks Local News Snippets – Part 12⅝th

    • Hehehe! Not good here at all. Two police officers were attacked in Bulwell, and it only got a few lines of mention in the Emagazine, skimpy on detail. But both officers are off work, it said.
      Oh, I’ve remembered at last. An article on some old TV programme I was watching, mentions a murderer who escaped from an Arizona prison, ran to Albuquerque and got a job as a policeman? He was rearrested when they found hos true identity, and shipped back to prison. The amazing thing was he worked there for five years. I think it was in the 70’s. Watching it, the few shots that showed the sky were so like the ones you capture so well. Can;t remember for sure, but I think his name was Cartright to Cartwright. I’ve been meaning to mention this for months. He was in traffic. I’ll have to get something to record things. Not worth doing it with only watching it fr to hours or less a day – on weekdays, to watch my old favourite while its on, Heartbeat. (Buddy’s Heartbeat is the them music on it. I’m waffling again… Tsk! Cheers Sir.

      • Albuquerque isAlso famous for the TV series “Breaking Bad”, a fast-moving production filmed there. Somehow, a scene where a character throws a pizza on a rooftop. It became a thing to throw pizzas to demonstrate an abilty to watch TV and mimic something. Seems a waste of a good pizza…

      • I’n not into pizzas, Billum. A funny gloke, I know, but not my cup of tea. I’ve not heard of the fillums mentioned, Sir.
        Tim gives us an update though.
        A proper industry in New Mexico, films. Shame it came too late for Clint… or did it? Not a Spaghetti Western, but Albuquerque Western? Haha!

      • Another nosh similarity that we both share. Pizza eating is a very high incident habit that both of us do NOT like to partake of, good sir! They certainly would NOT be your cup of Glengetti. An awful thing to suffer, the cardboard box might well go betterer wif G’gettie. Pizzas might become hot shingle items in Albuquerque roofing business orders.

      • Carer Julia who cameth tonight, is an American (When she calls again, I’ll ask her where frometh), and mentioned last week, that she had a Tequila Pizza in New Mexico when on vacation there. just thought I’d mention it, Sire.

      • I am eager to know where Julia hails from, perhaps Fort Thomas, New Jersey?
        Tequila Pizza is a new one for me, but it sounds better than a Hawaiian Pizza — famous for its use of pineapples. I’ve yet to try one, Sir Sire.

      • Julia came this moprning, bless her. And has supplied me with the requested location, Tadaaa! Here be it: St Pete. Tampa, Florida. A little ower down in the country, so Julia pointed out on the map for me? Such a kind gal! ♥

      • Now I know of a kind gal from Tampa, now on British soil and serving as Carer Supreme to a young bloke in Woodthorpe Building. Must find a mappage of Tampa/Saint Petersburg. ♥

      • Super-kind Carers are thin on the ground, so she is precious. I’m praying she does not move on like Jillie did. The gooderer ones tend to do that at Meridian.
        I shall ring Jillie later for help – My bank is closing its branch in Sherwood. Than heavens for the Jillies and Julies, Tim Prices and HRH-Billums, I say ♥! All a grand super finds for me late in life. Ah, if and henever I write that is is going to late in my life when I think or scribble it – is that a gerund? (Another new word to me) Hehehe! Love to all ♥

      • Carers are very important supports. Lisa says such stuff as well, I think she is talking about the furries.
        Not many banks close in our area, they just keep changing their names, usually the names are acronyms. Had I a bank, I’d call it SODIT.
        In your sentence, “going” is something called a present participle (a form of *verb* (the action verb “going’)
        A gerund is a *noun* formed by adding “ing” to a verb. Example:

        You went to the doctor, which was good going. (going is a noun)

        I am going to the doctor (going is a verb used as an action word)

        Much love from us here guys!

      • It’s no good, Billum. I’m still confused.
        Dad was a farm hand originally, country chap. Education was not high on his list. But the cobbled all the shoes excellently!

      • I guess Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul were hits. I only saw a clip from one episode of Breaking Bad. My programmer was a stand in. He played a German guard and got quite a bit of time in that episode. His truck had a quick spot on Better Call Saul. He was in every episode of In Plain Sight. A lot of shows are film here. NetFlix has one of the big studios south of town now. We call New Mexico’s film industry Tamalewood.

      • Bill mentioned Breaking Bad. Life in Albuquerque and New Mexico are not too unlike real life here. Which is not too much different from what goes on in Nottingham.

  1. Politicians are loath to call themselves criminal elements of course, graft is a sport of sorts. The NHS could use the funds absconded by the pillars of society and the ne’er-do-wells out on the streets in shady corners. The “Cat Man” boasts of his intents an hour before carrying his oaths out. An honest bloke is what he be, yer see?
    Being left in a hallway for a couple of hours is not my cup of Glengettie.
    And we’re also seeing the closure of quite a few businesses, thanks to the present pandaenema.

    Cheers to yer, mate!

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