Local News Snippets – Part 13⅔rds

Local News Snippets – Part 13⅔rds

Not much today, folks.

But even Nottinghamians can have off days, criminally!

We anticipate high winds from Storm Dudley,
To be nearing Nottingham on Friday…
These storms I consider dangerous, antisocially,
I shall be acting rather claustrophobically…
Hemmed indoors, warm and well away…
From wet rain and winds fully…
Taking my tablets, drinking tea, convivially!

Ah, the new cases have dropped a bit…
Yet in our complex, another six have caught it?
In Winwood, Winchester and Woodthorpe Courts,
And staff as well, say the verbal reports…
And, I’m feeling a little out of sorts…

Not a very wise thing to do; a prosecution is now due?
With the number plates being the same too?
Not that I have any strong view…
Driving I’m no longer allowed to do,
Oh, I’ll have to rush to the loo…

Yes, you guessed it, a Chinese takeaway they did own,
They got a decent fine, which I fully condone…
Two years ago, they were done, for cooking a thighbone,
And selling stolen bottles of zabajone!

Do the scumballs of Nottingham start early?
Kids now live life so nastily, violently…
Copying Dad, who is not very fatherly…
Taking their pleasures intravenously?
Do they bother about the law? Not particularly!

Another violent youth for us to worry about!
My biggest concern is his future fallout…
That he will be a criminal, there is little doubt…
For him, the weekend will not mean a meal out…
It’ll be mugging someone; use his head for a kickabout!
The law and rules are made for him to flout…
Another one, for the life of a bully and lout!

Sometimes there’s no escaping the law, you know…
You must avoid any type of emotional imbroglio,
It’s not always the evil men, scum or a wino…
So, off to prison, another one will go…
I notice not many Fathers or Vicars in there, though?

A bit vague this report is, to me?


Friday, the threat is of Storm Eunice!
I’m not surprised to hear of this…
The weather forecasting is always remiss,
I had an accident during Storm Alice,
Cost me my car, but I did get some bliss…
I fell in love with Nurse Mavis ♥

My postcode crime has gone up somewhat,
8.2%, It might be considered to be a lot…
No mention of the two murders, what?
The four people who got themselves shot?
Or the baby strangled to death in his cot!
That makes seven… are they in the other crime slot?

Inchcock Fights Power-Point Paul Twice in two days!

It was a losing battle each time. Brought on by a combination of Dizzy Dennis, both times, with Peripheral Neuropathy Pete assisting on the first clouting of the power box by Inchcock.

Just a little lump on the head yesterday. Today, after toppling over onto the box, the body-mass, and there’s a lot of it nowadays, slid like a massive jellyfish, down the box and wall, creating a mess of fleshiness crumpled on the floor. Thus, a little bruising and scratches on his man-breasts, nose and chest.

Further snippets on this subject may follow later.

The Nottingham Lads News Snippets in Ode

16 thoughts on “Local News Snippets – Part 13⅔rds

  1. Fighting with Power-Point Paul sounds like losing battles. Criminals are getting younger. Sad state of affairs.

    • Haha! The frist time I started toppling over after the stroke, on of the Nottingham City homes bosses came to see me when I eventually got back to the flat: The conversation went something like this;
      Her: We will have to see how you go, a residential home is a possiblity… Later on, me, with a big grin on by face, in answer to Her question of “Is there anything we can helo you with?” Me: “Could you have an airbag fitted around this box in the wet room” Bigger grin from me… Her: No, it’s the water you see!” Stone cold serious faced! I avoid humour when I see her now. Hahaha!

  2. I shall stay turned to Radio Nottingham tomorrow for word on the dastardly Dudley and the evil Eunice. There is a radio channel option on my olde and reliable AM and FM options. It also has a weather channel, but they refuse to report on the worrying storms named Dudley Do Right of Squirrel and Moose fame. Not to forget Boris and Natasha (or is it Dominic and Natasha?)
    I like the the two guys sharing the same plate numbers, wondering if their driving licenses also carry the same number.
    Bank closings worry me exactly as much as to yer, Sir. There are about a dozen banks within 5 miles of this very keyboard. Each of them will offer you accounts that pay interest in fractions of a percent.
    I enjoyed yer joke about the requisite air bag for a water-powered item that causes you frequent bashing at shower time. Usually, it is your right shoulder careening onto a door jamb. I am thinking that an air bag for your upper body is in order, because right now it is out of order.
    A mess of fleshiness on the floor evokes vivid images. Youch!

      • Aha, I had one of them portable ones, Billum. I bought it when Securex sent me to a boring do nothing site, in Colwick. To watch or listen to between patrols. The screen (black & white) was about 2.5 by 3″. I could even see the set nowadays let alone the screen. Hahaha! But I recall it was a great picture quality. A few year later on a fofgy site in Bulwell, some gits broke into the car and stole my little bit of pleasure, Bluder Kerl!

    • Cleverly worded fort comnications there Billum, to start me off wiv a smile… I fank you! And, maintained throughout, Sir!
      I’ve got itching and little red marks on the bulbous stomach when I woke this morning, now a few hours later, the itching remains but the spots have gone? Wooraya fink?

      • Between the two of us we cover all the the newslies wot others cower from. No one else gathers the kind of news we deem worthy, and no one delves through these many rabbit holes to scrunge up the stuff that falls in with the rabbits, then have the temerity and the bollocks to bring all that starf to a worldwide audience on a daily basis.
        Car thieves wot break yer window open to steal yer meatloaf sandwich…that’s wot.
        I went to the doctorship to get a new tube of stuff to put on me itching red spots. Here’s hoping that they do something. Now they do note that it were not designed to substitute for toothpaste, so it be best not to keep the ointment with yer teggie implements…says nothing about NOT using it on yer sarnie…no…not a word about slathering it on a sarnie…doesn’t say a dotted i about sarnies… …doesn’t even taste good…Yachylrats…ptui

      • Cracked my semi-depression there Bill! A smile and laugh eeked their through to me. For which I fanks you.
        It evoked a memory from long ago, when I medicated Harold’s Haemorrhoids with Little Inchies fungal lesion Daktacort, instead of Germoloid Ointment… By golly, that stung a bit! Hahaha!
        Cheers, and all the bestestist to all. ♥

  3. A smile can go a long way and back again without losing a beat.
    I know that Harold can tell the difference between bloody stinging Daktacort and soothing Germoloid Ointment. Outrage is called for. I hope it were a distant memory.

      • Much can transpire in the passage of 74 years. It could indeed be Dementia Doreen, but there is nowt you can do to bar Doreen from the door. There are more things we cannot change than the pitifully few things that we can.
        A Haha is something we can do however. So, hahaha. 🙂

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