Local News Snippets – Issue 82⅜ths

Local News Snippets – Issue 82⅜ths

No murders today, as far as I can gather…
But don’t panic, worry or get yourself into a lather!
Although murderless days are somewhat rarer…
It’s not the end of the killing, murdering era!
Although this Thursday seems a little drearier…
When the murdering stops and they malinger…
Who will the police arrest? At least point the finger!
They’ll mayhaps chase speeding motorists, use a stinger?
I sense the actions of a serial killer; that’ll be a humdinger!

Here we go…

Poor student, out for a laugh, whisky and ginger?
Two blokes start to fight, but not like a Ninja…
Man ducks the punch; it hit the girl, whose hair is ginger…
Cause he meant to better her, nor injure…
He wanted to hit the bloke, whomsoever…
I hope he gets imprisoned, then he can blubber!

The Covid figures might be unsound, but reported as better,
The hospital tells us they’ve more Covid patients than ever?
Fiddling numbers, like the banks that our money launders?
The government lying to us; someone must be honest, whoever?

Drink or drugs involved, sex, or whatever?
I’ve done with all that stuff; now I’m a dodderer…
Not that I overdid sex, and the missus just didn’t bother!
I thought it was her age she’d sooner have a good blather?
But she told me before she left me, it was Inchy being miniature!

A tea-time attack, close to home, that a bugger!
Can’t seem to stop kids fighting or even a mugger!
Could they lock them off to the Riviera?
Make ’em pay for it while catching barracuda?
Or let the git’s freeze, send them up the Sierra?

Feeding the birds is something all we oldies did…
In the fifties… no one said no, or gave us a whid?
Everyone threw bread to the birds when I was a kid!
Now, this lady faces a fine of £250 quid!
To the City Council Hitlers, most of them hominid…
It’s all about money; the council is so turgid…
Birds eat all dropped food; it’s soon chugalugged!
Fining this woman is cruel and turpid!

Despite Governments imposed police restrictions,
The Home Office’s safe money, iterations…
Despite Priti Patel’s pathetic condensations…
They caught the culprit – Oh, jubilations!
Proving the officers have sufficient gumption…
The man’s lawyer will no doubt offer much vociferation…
Pleading for the animal, begging with gesticulation…
Winking at the judge in veneration…
He’ll lose the case and look suitably crestfallen…
If the driver gets sent down for years, I’ll not be crestfallen!

Fifteen years in jail for the worthless shit!
I hope he’s got at and serves every little bit,
He deserves to have some pain and hardship…He’s ruined thee girls’ lives; he should be regularly walloped!
A few good beatings from inmates would be fair and apt!

Vicious scumbags! In a few years, they’ll be out and free!
Get their rent paid and likely gratis food & electricity,
They’ll have learnt more crimes to do; this wrangles me!
They’ll have watched court cases for free on the prison TV…
If they get cataracts, they’ll get medicated before me!
I hereby Hex them! A painful death will do, you see…
A slow one, crack-heads, bullies like them: I make no apology!

A little victory.

These animals wander around town every day!

What can the future hold for honest people who only want to work and earn enough to support their families? It’s a bleak outlook!

Are they bothered? Over the last seven days, I’ve uncovered two of them. Ha! My luck with the Daily find-three-houses free competition on the YourArea Emagazine continues.

26 thoughts on “Local News Snippets – Issue 82⅜ths

  1. Didn’t you get in trouble for feeding the ducks? Government love fining people. Taxes aren’t enough for them. Nottingham’s high class criminal society is thriving.

    • Oh, yes. The Canada geese on the embankment, £90 fine. Dementia Doreen had let me forget about that one, Tim. Glad you mentioned it, had I recalled it then I could have done an ode to it. Hahaha!
      The scum-balls never stop, and are winning the battle I fear. One the Est Midlands news (which I rarely watch nowadays) last night, it said that Nottingham has the highest rate of run-offs at petrol station in the land, per capita! With the increase in prices, ir ain’t going to get any better.
      Humph! Cheers, Sir.

  2. An official who would fine one for giving crusts to pigeons needs to watch Mary Poppins and learn from it. Gits.
    Meanwhile the genuine ruffians are receiving the equivalent of a wrist slap and a handshake. Dr. Who recently praised a character fro his stalwartness, Even mentioning that he deserved a Paul Hollywood handshake, the highest honor given to a baker for flawless cakery. The highest praise I can imagine at the moment.

    https://mfitv.com/doctor-who-fans-surprised-after-time-lord-makes-paul-hollywood-handshake-reference-in-flux-finale/

    No Hollywood handshakes for the cretins in your rogue’s gallery.

    • Nasty officialdom!
      Bakery shows? Talking of fodder, I made the simplest of meals last night, I was too drained and shakt to risk cooking. Sourdough bread, absolutely filled with mushroom pate, yellow and black tomatoes and that was it. (The bread was in big, thick slices mind you) Sprinkled some vinegar over them. Taste Rating: 9/10! Gorgeous! Took a photo, but can’t get it on the computer at the moment, as with about ten others I’ve taken, Tsk! I shall try again later, and if I can load them, I’ll do another retrieved photographs blog. I can’t say how delicious they were.

      • Baking shows bring out the genius in some people, the greater the genius, the more likely the chance of a Paul Hollywood handshake: a value now recognizes throughout the universe.
        9/10 of 10 is a high ratio indeed. My compliments to the chef!

      • Imaging an Inchcock Handshake – the kitchen would be covered in flour, fruit, pastries from the shaking arm and hand… Hahaha! I’d probably not be able to let go as well, and walk back dragging the contestant over the food… Har-har!
        It was only two slices of buttered bread, each with half a mushroom pate on them and folded. Sliced tomatoes with a sprinkle of vinegar and liquid salt, and that was that, so easy, and so delicious! I tried one again last night – no mushroom pate of course, all gone now, Hehe! But by beloved Jillie who called, brought me some Polish garlic ham, and that was used. Another cracking tasting nosh!
        Going to have some chips today (fries?). All being well.
        Josie woke me up last night, to tell me her Sister is taking her out for a meal, so no fodder required this Sunday.

      • The Paul Hollywood handshake has taken on the attention of every participant in the baking show tent. Sometimes two people will receive that invaluable shake in the same program. It all comes down to whether the specific baker has achieved a recognized quality that qualifies it as flawless. On one show, Judge Paul asked a participant if she had noticed “something”. Well, that worried her quite a bit, so she walked up to see what Mr. Hollywood was talking about. As soon as she arrived at the station, that priceless handshake was extended and the high quality of her work was solidified in a way that only top-notch baking can achieve: perfection. Of course, everyone is waiting to witness the next one, but it can sometimes be a long time between those golden handshakes.
        Hahaha. But it is all in good fun. In a schade freude sort of way, a complete failure also receives much attention.

      • Perhaps you could dream about the Grimm scene and send the accounts to a Hollywood studio, no to be confused with a Hollywood handshake.
        Sleepeth well, Sireth.

      • Thanks for the clarificationalistioning Sir. Do you know… Ocado have ran out of Heinz Texas style vegeburgers? The swines! Still, nowt compared to Putin. Haha!

      • We watch Grimm right here in the hotel room on Netflix, also a vet show from Australia. As you know, we are big furries fans. That one is on YouTube, here is a link for your convenience:

        Hope that Ocado restocks on Heinz Texas-style veggieburgers real soon!

      • I can’t get the sound to work on this computer, not that the ears would hear it if I could. Subtitle might have helped… as long as the cataracts and glaucoma were kind enough to let me see them. Int life a bugger! Carol the mad cat lady showed on screen… my kind of gal!
        Still out of stock of the veggiburgers – Humph! Swines!

      • I cannot watch TV without the aid of subtitles at the bottom of the screen. But I do enjoy subtitles in German. I once watched a German program that featured Swedish subtitles. Ears are not always necessary.
        What the H? When a purveyor is out of veggiburgers, they are out of their mind. Humphish Swines!!

      • I bought a DVD years ago from Amazon. The box was in English. The sound, Polish I think, and the sub-titles in… Bulgarian! Hehe!
        Just checked online, Ocado still out of the burgers! Gerangleknags!

      • Fortunately, you are fully fluent in Polish and Bulgarian. English is the tough one.
        Ocado is only out of the good stuff, I second you on the Gerangleknags, Sire!

      • Hahaha! Have you looked at the Welsh language, Billum? ‘Good morning Bill’ to Welsh ‘Bore da Bill’. “Hope the family are keeping well” – “Gobeithio bod y teulu’n cadw’n iach”.
        Tim is learning it, we both have Welsh ancestry. I gave up on it.

      • You would make an outstanding judge on a baking show, able to bestow a fine and fastidious with an Inchcockian handshake over that flour-strewn table, shewing the essence of what it means to celebrate a flawless performance. Then you have to shake free from all that fruity floury mess. But you would receive a standing ovation for standing up to al that.
        Yes, all that confusion regarding the differences between crisps, chips, fries, and pommes frite. All tater transformation in the final analysis.
        Fine foddering to you, Sir!

      • Anuver smile brought forth from your Commentings, good Sire. I thank you.
        Sleep deprivation again, Sir. I dare not go to sleep until after 02:30hr ‘Intruder Door Chime Chiming’. None last night – Phew!

      • Paul Hollywood very likely reads the comments on this blog, so I expect him to contact you in the near future about substituting as judge on the Great British Baking Show. It would improve show ratings by 132 1/9th percent.

      • Only if it involves cheesy baked potatoes, or Heinz Texas style vegeburgers, Billum. Then I could as for some burgers to take home with me… Hehehe! It’s the only thing I feel confident in cooking. That and veggie chillie stew, for Josie.

      • Paul Hollywood knows that a Sir Inchcock handshake is worth 10,000 of his. The baking show was on the BBC before moving to Channel 4, leaving you a slot available at the Beeb?

      • I had not known that until just now. Will pass this information to HRH, who is sleeping at the moment. We got back from the dentist, then had to wake up at 8:15 to arrive at the doctor’s denizen. The physician we have been seeing for 30 years is retiring on 30 June, he’s a good one and good ones are very rare. No one wants to specialise in family practice, there is more money and better hours for specialists. Woe is us! Granglegarberts!!

      • Sad to lose a good doctor, physicain or dentist, Billum.
        I hope your next one will be up to scratch.
        My Doctor has gone downhill, since she became the ruler of the clinic when Dr Cooper resigned, then the Covid, I’ve not seen her since that started! Treated via telephone and email nowadays.
        Your assessment of the specialist makes sense, Sir.
        Woe we are indeed. Thank heavens there is HRH to sort things out. Hehe! ♥

Leave a Reply