Inchcock: Saturday 5th November 2022

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

I dropped off to sleep easier last night. Three hours later, I burst almost nervously wide awake to find myself needing the NWWB (Nocturnal-Wee-Wee-Bucket), with once again, a lot of PMAD (Post-Micturition-After-Dribbling) following the main event. That did it, of course. I tried but could not get back to sleep. So I was up and about before midnight again! Humph!.

Around midnight, I hobbled into the kitchen and was well pleased with the view from the window.
Returned to fetch the Lumix camera to use its night-view option; I was determined to catch the clouds before darkness hid them from view.
going to reach for the camera that was charging, I knocked a bottle of spring water off of the ottoman; Guess what it fell on?
Smack on the poor right foots Onychovryptosis: ingrowing toenail! Of course, I just smiled and laughed it off! Got the Lumix taken to the kitchen and took these three pictures on the left of the first part of Saturday morning.

I was pleased with how they came out, not smug, just satisfied with them, compared to yesterday’s efforts.
Made a brew of J Sainsbury’s Brown Label tea… or is it Red Label? Not sure? I went to the computer, booted it up and got sphygmomanometerisationing! I like to drop the odd long words now and then. It’s a habit of mine called sesquipedalian loquaciousness. Oh, I’m glad I’ve used those words at last on my blog; I’ve been meaning to for months. Hehe!

Ay-up! , , ,    .
: Grrreat! astonishing, wonderful, stunning, spectacular, startling, absolutely stupendous… in fact, I’d even say intimidating. SYS 135, PULSE 82, and Temperature 35.1°f were all in the Green Zone! The DIA was in the Amber at 77!
The best days returns on the Health Checks for… well, I can’t recall having a better one! I probably have had one, but it was way back, if at all!
, several times. Then I added an illusionary medal and upped it to Class One, Grade A!
I thought at first, I can’t wait to see what it is like tomorrow… then things suddenly calmed down, and my moment of sheer joy dwindled down to one of contentment with reservations. You see, my EQ spoke to me… He  just said, “Don’t expect too much, mate!” So, I didn’t”

Went on the WordPress Reader. Hurrah! I worked dedicatedly, diligently and resiliently on updating the Friday blog… Okay, then; I made an error after bloomer got lost a couple of times altogether; One when I went for a wee-wee and couldn’t pick up the thread I was on before… and another when I went to unlock the door for the Carer coming. I was in CorelDraw at the time, and when I got back, I started to decorate the wrong page Thursdays, not Fridays and got all mixed up with what photos were for which day. was on form.
But after an hour or so, it was beginning to make part sense and progress with the correctionalisationing, then…
rang, and Charly came in. My mind was a little muddled (Nothing new there). Charly got the medications done, and absolutely amazing; I realised that I’d not had the two yellow Omeprazole capsules, only one. No idea how I remembered, but was so glad I did. Because has been far less bothering since the Doctor doubled the dosage. Charly hasn’t been since the change to two a day. We had a natter, but I’m blown if I know what about. I think I did a lot of talking that may have been slightly jumbled up. Tsk!
Charly took the waste bags and treats in thanks with her as she left.
I poddled back to the computer and sat, all confused as to what and where I was doing and up to before Charly arrived.

I wasn’t exactly in top form this morning. And decided to leave blogging for a while and decided to get something to eat. Got some chips into the oven and titivated the kitchen a smidgeon while they cooked.
Getting the tray of chips out of the oven… now I know this may be hard to believe… I burnt my knuckle in the oven tray.
Got some Germolene on it, and the ointment bubbled! Hahaha!. Note the clenched fingers? That was because Colin Cramps had just kicked off.
As I was laying the meal tray, I dropped the pot of lemon Soya yoghourt, which proceeded to hit my foot, and the tub burst open…
I think EQ was right to warn me not to get too excited.
Cleaned the mess and me up. And settled to eat this extremely early meal.
The buttered Sourdough cob is what I’d saved in a food bag in the fridge from yesterday. The chips and tomatoes with it were worth a food rating of 8/10.
Slept for a dream-filled three hours. No sense of what they were about.

Got back on the blog updating and gave up trying to get it spot-on. I posted the error-filled Inchcock Today off to WordPress. Set creating this template… and fell asleep in the computer chair!
Woke up in the jump.

I took these photos two pictures on the right, out through the glass in the balcony windows. The car park on the front, and the ens one. Caught the little fog walking its owner out through the mudslide route onto Chestnut Way, the end car park.
I took a portrait-shaped shot of the dead-end of the car parking.
Does it look to you as if the white van is parked on top of the grey roof of the electricity/maintenance shed?

It does to me. Then again, I have the assistance of Glaucoma Gladys, Cataract Katie and Saccades-Sandra in my pareidolia and apophenia figure and funny things searches.

There seem to be a lot of vehicles parked up this morning… oh, it’s afternoon now.

The cars on the left will be electric-powered ones, using the recharging units the Nottingham City Homes have kindly fitted during the upgrading of Winwood Heights.

I wonder if they might get some mechanical Aorta-Valve replacement charging units installed? Hehehe!
Another hour in the land of nod – all very welcome, even in bits and pieces.

When I woke up, the place had gone all dark early in the afternoon. A bit of drizzling outside.

I took these photographs of the Carer’s Table and kitchen window to show how dark it suddenly was.

The bottom one, which I cannot remember taking, let alone why I took it? If I took it?

Just all a part of the mysteries and enigmas of Woodthorpe Court! The ghosts, wraiths, spectres, cacodemons, apparitions and other grotesqueries haunt the hallways and lobbies, searching for me to create ambiguities, abstrucities, perplexities, misfortunes and botherations, to scare, worry and baffle me! And a Lumix camera that seems to take photos of its own accord.
Possibly assisted by and maybe .

I got on with creating this blog. The mistakes, errors and mind blanks persisted in hampering me.
But I did do better this session. That was until I decided a mug of Thompson’s Punjana tea would go down a treat. Off to the kitchen.
The light did not come on!
A good job I had the nosh early. Of course, it’s too late now to ask for help by ringing the maintenance people. No staff on at the weekends.
Oh, lucky me!
And where did the time go? The evening Carer is due shortly already. It’d gone 18:00hrs! Mind you, the Carers tend to come much later at the weekends. I’m always woken up by them. Getting back to sleep… well, mission impossible.
Pressed on with a file of words to use for the Odes, it was recorded as last being saved on Nov 5th, 2017… about time I got it sorted. Hehe!

Arrived, it was Charly. Been a long day for her. Got the meds sorted. She opened the curtains when she heard the fireworks. I couldn’t hear or even see them with the blinds drawn to. After Charly had gone, I spent ages in the kitchen, trying to catch some rockets going off in the night sky.

Unbelievable how I managed to miss them so easily! Only three of the pictures had any on the frame, and they were so small.

I seem to e having problems with the Lumix camera again.
Not that I counted them, but I felt I’d taken about twelve frames.
When it came to loading them into the computer – there were five that said: ‘Unable to read this…’ I even had to try deleting each one several times before the camera did so?
Four were so bad that I didn’t even bother with them. Which left me with several pictures that had not even made it onto the SD card again?
I got them on the computer and turned everything off. Disappointed!

As I was getting closed down, at about 21:30hrs, the noisy sod in the flat above started knocking and banging again. We will have to meet and discuss this.

Was again reluctant to allow me some shut-eye. I put the TV on and watched a programme about Morecome & Wise… a long one too.
Then Morpheus relented, I the usual waking up for no apparent reason, maybe saying a naughty word, but then got off again. Maybe eight times in the five glorious hours in total in the land of nod. Didn’t wake up properly until 06:00hrs… so that was better, but could be better still… Stop moaning, Inchcock!

Life is a dretch, so you may as well turn off the killswitch!

Inchcock Today: The Dream, Odes & Diary

Nocturnal Visitors

I stirred from my slumber,
I’d had a dream, but could I remember,
I checked to make sure I was sober…
Nodded off again, I woke to discover,
Scribble on the notepad, needing to decipher.
The following facts are what I managed to gather…

Start of the dream, I looked out and got in a lather…
Ghosts and Goblins in the sky, but no bother…
Indeed I tried with them to have a blatherer…
Then did an instant maneuverer…
I was in the ground floor link corridor?
The ectoplasms, ghosts, got grotesquerer!
In walked animals, a skele
ton, and a roboton!
Probably others too that I’ve forgotten!

Not the weirdest dream that I’ve begotten,
Didn’t bother me; they did nowt rotten…
Oh, the Grim Reaper, he looked sullen…
One of the creatures looked like a wivern.

As I woke up, I was thunderstrucken,
I fell out of the chair, hit my knee it got swollen,
I took a Codeine for the pain to dullen…

As I woke up, I was thunderstrucken,
I fell out of the chair, hit my knee it got swollen,
Better make a start on the diary; it’s gone eleven!

 – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Tuesday 12th July 2022

So, a modicum of concentration and determination developed, and I motored on with the Blood Pressure utilised the A&D Medical Supplies, made in Chinese sphygmomanometer. Then did the body temperature. All the results were of an acceptable standard this jolly Tuesday morning. In particular, the temperature and pulse are almost within the set result target ranges. Then after having a natter with the family, nada Lillie the Lamb checking on my notepad and keeping herself up to date, it is time to get the ablutions done.
I stripped off (I do a lot of that, you know) and made my way to the wet room… where I easily and simultaneously stubbed my toe on Sock Glide Glenda as I was taking the hearing aids out and dropped one and out popped the battery. With cataracts, I could not follow the multi-circular route taken as the battery spun around. I’ve got plenty of batteries to use, but it’s so annoying when one escapes. Hehe! Things went well enough after that for a while. The teeth (painful), then shaving (only one cut!) were completed, showering and on to the drying off… Ah, a slight chance of luck now!
The Wee-weeing sessions restarted and were uncomfortable. The pants that had been half on at the time of the Accifauxpa were mostly blood-red in seconds! They were all of the WUNT (Weak-Unwilling-Negligible Trickling) style. But this was nothing compared to what the state Peripheral Pete’s caused me! I’d done the medicationalisationings and was getting into a new pair of protection Pants, and off went the right leg on the Neuropathic dance routine! A bit frisky this one was, and I last my balance and hot my newly washed and medicated wedding tackle against the sink edge.

I realised later that I had also knocked out another tooth, bruised the eye slightly, and somehow, Harold’s Haemorrhoids were leaking too! It took me ages to get everything sorted out; a good job that the carer was a little late. I was cleaning up the wet room mess I’d made when I realised there were some, just a few new spots of blood on the floor? I must have caught the scab on the burn mark on the knuckles. But it was nothing like the blood for Harolds Haemorrhoids, the tooth or fungal lesion: they were all the usual deep red type. This was almost pink… I think? It stopped of its own accord a minute or so later. Worra Day!
Carer Richard arrived, and he was in a rush. Rich was coughing a lot; I hope he’ll be alright. He’s got a diabetes session to attend this morning, I reckon he said.
Wished him all the bestest as he left with some treats; then, I had a closer look at the ankle’s ulcers. Well, what a surprise, they haven’t looked this calm in months. I’ve forgotten the rest of the ditty? Ah-well, win some, lose some…
After what seemed an aeon, I got on with the blogging. I meant to say, earlier on, about 02:00hrs, (Yes, Sweet Morpheus is not pleased with me! I looked at the calendar, and I was sure I’d ordered an Iceline order to come today. So I checked on the website. It told me I had no orders, so I got on the J Sainsbury site and made an order with them for tomorrow.
You see, this Friday, I have the first Cataract operation, so I will be virtually blind afterwards, then I’ve got to go back for an examination to see if it’s worked okay. So, I intend to get the cupboards and fridge filled up before I leave cause there is a chance they told Jillie when she phoned them that I may be kept in, in the event any Whoopsiedangleplops during the operation.

Then a while later, NokiaI got a message on my G6⅘ths Ultra-modern mobile phone. It was from Icel
and informing me that my delivery that they told me was not ordered), will be delivered shortly? Now, I’ve got a J Sainsbury order coming tomorrow as well! Could things get worse? Well, yes, and they did! Humph! The products were in liners, not carrier bags…

Iceland had No Vegan beefburgers, no milk roll bread (sent a substitute loaf), Bananas soft and three of the five burst open; the pot of No-Bull vegan ice cream was in liquid form, a right mess. To clean up! – You would not believe the state of the food! The strawberries were squashed, the biscuits in crumbs and one of the packets of AAA batteries card and plastic retainer shell was off; it was never seen – I just collected the eight batteries from the depths of the wet food. This was one of the worst deliveries I’ve ever had from them.

Still, on the bright side, I’ve got food galore in the fridge; I’ve probably not got room for the Sainsbury’s stuff to get them in on Thursday. However, the ice cream will likely take months to harden enough to eat. I suppose I could drink it? Both pots!
Oh, and the bananas tasted okay, just a shame that I paid for five and only two were edible, and they were bruised inside, and I had to watch what I was eating. Oh, never mind! The lid on the jar of beetroot was loose, and…

At long last, I got onto the blogging, and the door-chime burst forth. It was Josie returning Sunday’s utensils from her meal. As I took the tray and things from her, I told her I had some strawberries for her, asking her to hang on while I fetched them. When I returned to the door with the fruits, Josie had gone back into her flat.

I’m not sure which of us is worse than the other, she or me, for hearing, and we both guess at what is being said, I think sometimes. Hahaha!
I told her about my going into the hospital to have my cataracts seen on Friday and then Monday for a follow-up. Then I said I’ll see if see enough to do you a meal or not come Sunday. But I expect not. She laughed and… I think anyway, “Yes, I’ll be in for lunch on Sunday…” Of course, I could have misheard her; she definitely misheard me… Hahaha! As she ook the Strawberries, she said she felt guilty about me making the fodder every Sunday. I said it was my pleasure… “Can I get some bananas for you at the weekend?” I put my thumbs up and smiled…

Int life great when yer gerowd? Har-har!
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

I was wondering about my hypertension…

Is it cause Neil Kinnock is a distant relation?
Or cause I’m still waiting for the Vicar’s confirmation…
Or my habit of losing track and digression?
Why do I want the go through teleportation?
Doctors can’t cure my dying neurotransmissions,
Leaving me forever with derision & indecision…
Am I too soft, believing in nonaggression?
I’m full of fear and misapprehension,
I’d love to free myself of my mental tension…
Is the answer to commit self-decommission?
Do I need some physiological remission?

Can’t go on like this; I must make a decision…
I can’t cope with mental corrosion, confusion,
Be positive, become more Sherlock Holmesian,
Drugs, are they the answer, but I’ve an aversion…
Maybe I’ll try some Columbian?
Do I even deserve help? Or vilification?

Evening All!

Inchcock Today: At least I think it is…

I’m Bewildered, bemused, befogged & bewildered!
I’m possibly… no, probably going bonkers, besides!

I seem to have carried on from yesterday’s hospital visit and afterwards; the pathetic cock-ups, Embarrassments and Whoopsiedangleploppings, and the brain is refusing to do as I ask or want! Dementia Doreen is undoubtedly playing her part. In fact: today, she’s been a lot worse than she was on Tuesday. Considering that she got me lost twice in the hospital, and I then lost the ambulance man! The worst thing was my welcoming the evening Carer with no trousers on. I got so far behind that I had to limit the content a smidge and cut it short in places. Cheers! Enough of my moaning… no doubt more will follow. (It was all different in the end, I was up for over 23hrs, but not in good condition mentally or physically. Hahaha!) Not much sleep again.

I think I need help of some sort. Let the Diary beginneth…

Inchcock Today: Thursday 5th May 2022

06:25hrs: I stirred back into imitation life and worked out that although with many waking ups and nodding offs, I’d reckon I’d had a good four hours of sleep. I forced my wobbly bodied torso from the £300 second-hand, decrepit, c1968, rickety recliner to have a wee-wee. This was a frustratingly drip-drip affair, which still gave me a load of PMAD (Post-Micturition-After Dribbling).

Washed, sorted the bin bags, and readied them near the door. Made up Carer Richard’s bag. And made a start on finishing the blog on Wednesday blog updating. A cruelly slow job!

My Carer Richard arrived, looking tired out, poor lad. He patiently listened to my moans, complaints, and groans. A bit vague of things then… until the Iceland food order arrived…The delivery chap left the bags in the doorway; I offered him a tipple as thanks (Cider opted for) and got the carriers one at a time into the kitchenette. It seems that I had overdone the kitchen towels again… I’ve not got the foggiest idea why I do this, you know. I bet there was a good one when I ordered them, Humph! I got them sorted, wondering why I’d bought so many paper towels and wondered if they were on offer, but I did not know. There are no invoices with the deliveries nowadays. And the costs had risen sharply!

I got the veggie pasties out to eat later, and they had frosted over with my taking them out of the box last week to make more room in the freezer. I recall Richard warning me about this happening, and he was right. So I ditched them and some fish fingers and fishcakes that had gone the same way. Ah, well, that will not happen again, I hope. Now that Richard has bought me the freezer bags to sue next time bless the lad.

Did some more updating on the computer, but it took far too long, with the fingers shaking and nerve ends not working, Dementia Doreen, and the occasional vicious Shuddering-Shoulder-Shirley’s outbursts – had created too much wasted time in having to correct mistakes that I’d made. Sometimes it was a job finding out how or what I’d done to get into the messes I did!

Received a call from the Ophthalmology Department at the Queens Medical Centre EENT. Told me that they would be calling me sometime over the next four days to advise me on the outcome of the third assessment and whether the referral for the Cataract surgery would be accepted. I asked if they could possibly Email me instead, but that seemed a no-no.

I rang Warden and desk-top dancer Deana. Explaining my having to stay in and why. Then begged her to come a get her nibbles and would she be kind enough to take the treats to Jenny, Frank and Norah for me. She said yes, bless her cotton socks.

Updated the blog again, and I wrote an ode for it at the end. As Warden Deana arrived, bless her. She was proper up to the neck in it this morning, too! Kind of her to take the bits to Jennie and Norah for me ♥.

At long last, I got the blog done and posted off to WordPress.

Not a single visit to the Porcelain Throne yet? And only three weak unwilling wee-wees all day, and it’s well into the afternoon now!

He was on and off with the banging this morning, then a break, and now he’s back again, constant tap-tapping with the odd clattering bout. Tsk! 

Then an: I went into the kitchenette to make a brew of Glengettie, dropped the milk bottle, and stubbed my toe to get the mop and bucket from the wet room to clean things up! A bruised shoulder from on the doorframe on the way out. Of course, I just laughed it off; I wasn’t bothered in the slightest...

Well, well, well!… The Blood Pressure results came out nicely; at SYS 122 DIA 57 and the pulse at 77bpm. I was well-pleased pleased with those readings. Which really were much betterer. Phenomenal! Moved on to the body temperature. Another decent result here, too! Giving a 33.5°c, only 1.25°c from the target level. Thank you!

Found some lost sky photos. Put them on here on the left. Nice!

I was not entirely Compos-Mentis, yet, the brain was a little hazy. So I decided to check with the Google Calendar to look at any entries that may need attention…

A few items certainly needed to be logged in the grey cells by gum. Being reminded of the Morrison order, Joe the window cleaner, and the DVT Warfarin INR blood test, all coming my way this Thursday! Grobbleturds! I bet I get something wrong, forget summat, or lose track and wander off into Foggy-Land, at some time? Hahaha!

Got back to updating Wednesday’s blog. But not for long.

My friendly window cleaner, Joe, arrived, who, despite my checking of his visit on my Google Calendar, I had forgotten about! This launched me into one of my boring ‘Telling my troubles’ sessions, which I think Joe enjoyed oddly enough. For there were many laughs and smiles distributed among us. Hahaha! I dug around and found some cash to pay him.

The Amazon shopper arrived and rang the intercom. But I could not hear it at all, although the infamous was banging about up in his flat… again!!! I was lucky enough to have to go to the WC for a wee-wee and saw the light on the panel was lit. Also, the man was patient enough to try again after the timer had stopped things.

I thanked him and offered a can of his choice in thanks. I think he went for the Woo-Woo can. I got the bags into the kitchen, and there were a good few and some heavy ones. I’d stocked up on the treat cans before they go up in price again! I’d also got as many cans of the Chilli Con Carni as they would let me.

The cupboards were looking fullish again now. It took me ages to get the things sorted; unsurprising how many there were. But I even got that wrong and had to move stuff from the wrong places to the right ones – getting fed up with myself again. I was struggling to concentrate just like yesterday? It must have taken me over an hour to get the job done.

I was pleased to get back to blogging, no matter how slow I was doing with it. Such a busy day, and interruptions all the time. This means when I get back to the computer, Doreen Dementia has stolen some memories of where I was up to, what I was going to do, and needed to do… I’ve already found a timing error, items out of chronological sync! I’ll leave them now. As I write these words, it is already past 22:00hrs, so another sleepless night? Humph!

Next, a beautiful patient laughed at my jokes, haematology nurse arrived to take blood for the INR DVT Warfarin test. I didn’t mind being disturbed by her. When she came close to me to dig the needle in, she told me my nose was bleeding. (I think it was because of when I hit the doorframe yesterday with my chin and nose, Tsk!) Hehe!

But DD (Doreen Dementia)  would not let me remember it at that time. I had no idea it was bleeding. I got a tissue, and only a few spots were on the kitchen towel. We had a natter while she inspected the Enoxaparin loaded hypos use-by dates. However, she inquired how you manage to inject needles in your tummy four times a day while shaking and wobbling like you do. I explained that the INR level has been so good for the past month that I’ve not had to do it. I had to practically insist she took a can in thanks with her.

I think that she may well have taken to my sense of humour, good looks, flowing locks, taut body, witticisms and youthful, masculine, muscled, young, vibrant body… Well… or not, like! Har-Har!

I took a photo of the darkening sky from the kitchenette window, and I dropped the camera on the floor!. Wot a clot! Still, it seems to be working, which is more than can be said about me. Will I ever get the blog finished? I tried again…

The ♫Oh, Susanna♫ tune came from the front door. It took me a while to get there, to find this box on the left near the door. Ah, the bowels/basins from Amazon?  I’d ordered them to replace the ones that Josie had broken, so I got plastic-porcelain ones and these enamel ones. The enamelled ones, they were all made in China, of course. I got the enamelled ones, cause the advert said they will keep the food hotter for longer. I got three of these for Sister Jane as well. The problem with them is that each bowl has a sticker with Chinese writing; it didn’t matter if it was too small to read; I’d not have understood it even if I could.

The ‘Clanger’ about them is that the glue stays firmly stuck to the metal! So, another hour or so lost trying to clean off the glue! Then I could not get it all off, but I’d scratched the gloss trying to! What a waste of time!

I rang Sister Jane, we’ve not spoken for a while now, to tell her about the dishes. We had a delightful chinwagging session for ages, but I enjoyed it. For ages, the thought of never getting the blog finished got to me afterwards. We nattered about many things, and both agreed that the way old folks are spoken to by some medical personages is getting worse lately. That prompted a tale from each of us; Hahaha!

I gave up with bowls. And made up a bottle of Spring Water with some orange juice, then took this photographicalisation of the changed sky view.

Cleaned up and got the box’s cut up, all ready to go to the chute later or in the morning. The landline flashed! It was Esther asking how I went on at the hospital. She’s calling to see me on Tuesday, that was nice of her.

Then on the blogging, and again…

The Landline chirped and flashed again; Gawd, I’m popular today? It was Ethel from the QMC DVT Warfarin Clinic. Giving me the new dosages for Warfarin. The INR level was spot-on the button… that’s twice on the trot now, after years of never attaining it! The nurse had told her of my nosebleed, and  I mentioned my walking into the door frame… I think she would have been laughing over there at this time. She’s a cheerful character. I’ve not seen her for years now. When (if) I go to have cataracts done, I’ll nip in to see her… that’s if I can see at all. Har-har-har!

I got the nosh on, and I did some work here while it cooked for 30-minutes. Pots, tomatoes, peas and veggie pasties. The pasties were Gregg’s, the meat substitute was not very nice, but the vegan pastry was delicious. Taste: 6.5/10.

Washed the tray and utensils, and along came Carer Natalie. I’m pleased to report that I had some trousers on for this visit (Fool!)

Ode To The Day

Lots of other stuff, good & bad, ‘appened today…
Dementia Doreen lets lots of them get away!
Bit, I expect this; often, I accept it almost casually…
Cause there’s summat worse, causes me to worry,
That may also be due to Doreen, alackaday!

Memory Maureen forgets, not always straight away…
Doreen installs her daily brain-storms melee…
Some thought I’d like to keep others to shoo-away,
Usually, the nasty Thoughts stay, as they did today…
Pleasant Thoughts always seem to keep well away!

I’ve many mental & physical ailments, and they stay!
So everything I need to do takes longer each day…
I’ve become a hoarder, who can’t throw anything away,
Not short-term memories, of course, or clamjamfry…
Fears, embarrassments, and shame flourished today!

Didn’t start this blog until well-gone midday…
Carers, nurses, cleaners, deliveries this Thursday,
I was awake from 04:00hrs until past midnight, I say!
Concentration was replaced by tomfoolery and complacency…
Time, dates, ideas, and fears, were in constant disarray!

I think it’s next Tuesday, my next pension day…
Price-Rises, rent, power, rates, insurance, even pasta!
Everything foodwise cost me much more today…
Price of desserts and drinks, a 20% increase… Nasty!

My life is becoming confusing and delusionary!
Gone are days of joy, contentment and the odd jamboree,
Are Dementia Doreen’s influences really necessary?
I suppose they have sort of become customary?
Either way, she can be so bloody cruel and scary!

 The Nottingham Lads Diary – with Odeing

Evening, all!

Inchcock Today: Off to the EENT Hospital

Escape from the flats to the hospital

Got lost twice, forgot I’d got no trousers on… Oh, dearie me!

A Tale of Inchcock’s Day (Five Hours), Out on Tuesday

After another ever-waking-up night’s lack of sleep, I woke and was about to launch into a state of blaspheming Sweet Morpheus’s reluctance to let me stay asleep. Fed-uppedness, niggardlyness, and a smidge of feeling sorry for myself.

But, Dementia Doreen allowed me to remember about the hospital visit today, and the bitterness dissipated, to be replaced by a remarkably determined Inchcock, who set about getting all the things needed for the hospital visit. (Fair enough, he did forget some items, Humph! I felt almost reborn… not the proper terminology, but close.

I waited until it was late enough, and then I decided to get the ablutions done. What a great session! There were only two tiny cuts shaving, one clouting the head against the power box when I bent to retrieve the loofah I’d dropped in the shower. Great! That was it Whoopsie and Accifauxpas wise.

Naturally, something had to go wrong after that wonderful start to the day. Gragnangles! I sorted out suitable things to wear, got the risky job done first, and put the diabetic bamboo socks on. The comfortable-wearing long ones.

But I had to use Sock-Glide-Glenda. True to form, I trapped my fingers twice, the same ones, of course, on each sock. That thick plastic gripper is deadly! I got a welt and a couple of bruises as well. But this did not put me off cause I intended to do my best to get the go-ahead with cataract operations, and after a couple of mild oaths, I carried on and went to gather the other needs of the morning.

Comfortable shoes, trousers, jumper, and the sleeveless jacket with all the pockets in it. It’s lasted a long time this one, I said to myself, as I got the camera (not much chance to use it though, Tsk!) and emptied the pockets to place the needed items for the trip…

Oh, ‘ecky thump! After emptying things out to make room, and started to put the paperwork, keys and the Crossword book in the jacket… They each fell right through and dropped on the floor at my feet! What’s going on here, I muttered! I went into Sherlock Holmesian Mode (I do that sometimes).

  The entire lining had seemed to go rotten! Only one of the twelve pockets was useable! Undeterred, I limped into the hallway to see if those hanging up had fared better. Two of them had not, and they joined the blue one in the extra-large bin bag! Humph! I checked the khaki one’s pockets. All seemed okay, so I swapped the emptied contents in that jacket. Got the PP’s, trousers and best jumper on.

I realised that Carer Richard was due shortly, so I thought I’d better check I’d not left anything on the floor in the hallway for him to trip over; he’s a good lad.

Guess what? In my haste, I stubbed my toe on the towel airer, lost balance, and was entangled with the tipped-over airer and towel on the floor! With new welts on various parts of my knee, head and face! Unglefrogwonglingisations! I later found that I’d broken a tooth as well. My spirits were getting a little lower than they were earlier. Cor, blimey!

I worked on finishing the blog, and the ♫Oh Susana♫ tune belted out from the doorbell. I expected to see Richard come in, but no! Another… I’d not unlocked the door!!! So all that pain and hassle was for nothing! I had left some stuff on the floor on the plus side and was pleased to move them if Richard did a Whoopsie of his own on them.

I went to admit the lad; he was alright about things. He soon got on with the medicationing for me. With a wry smile on his mush at my antics, forgetting to unlock the door, the marks on my face and head etc… We both saw the funny side. Hahaha!

I finished changing and was ready for when the lift arrived to get me to the ophthalmology clinic.

The door chime rang again; the door was unlocked, but whoever it was didn’t come in. It was Josie returning her dish and tray from her Sunday lunch. She did not say she liked it… Oh, dear! At least she didn’t say there was something she didn’t like about it?

The intercom rang and flashed – Aha, it was the ambulance lift. I told the man I’d come down, saving them the bother of coming all the way up then down again.

I made my way out of the apartment and down and out through the main lobby. Two ambulance men? Perhaps they’d heard stories about me? Hahaha!

The journey was uncomfortable, but all of the old ambulances I’ve been in were. So I anticipated it.

When we arrived, friendly and slowly driven, at the Queens Medical Centre, both lads came with me to the ophthalmology department waiting room.

Then took me to the waiting area. I could not hear anything the receptionist said, and one of the men translated for me. I realised then that I’d not put the crossword book in the coat or walker trolley. Shame that, cause it’s the only book I can read the clues on at the moment.

So I sat there, nosing at all around me. Bored rigid! But it didn’t take long for a lovely, attractive young lady to call my name out – but I didn’t hear it at first, and the gal took the bother to come and ask me, Hehe!

She led me to a small room with many machines for an ophthalmology-specific procedure. The blast in the eyes and many tests were patiently done on the beads. Deep family history was gone into, and about an hour later, I was returned to the waiting area to await being called by the Ophthalmologist.

During my wait to be summoned, I learned a lot, such as the lady in a cream coat is having smoked haddock for supper tonight. The man and woman and an elderly pair do not like the TV cookery programmes other than Gordon Ramsay’s. A lady in a uniform but not a nurse or medical one was annoyed when someone phoned her. I could not hear the other natterings, the acoustics are not good in a big hall. Hehe!

The Ophthalmologist lady came for me and led me to an even smaller room this time. Heck of a lot of examining and questions were gone through.

With Peripheral Neuropathy, I had trouble keeping my chin on the plastic thingamabob and had to look up all the time. The lady was not impressed or amused. She had to keep starting whatever she was doing again. I don’t think I was very popular at all. I did explain my conditions when I went in.

The eyes were tested using a log mar chart. In-depth history and current problems with sight. The Doctor knew what she was doing alright, it seemed to me. But I had to keep asking her to repeat things. Very quietly spoken lass.

I guesstimated about an hour later, and she gave me her diagnosis. Cataracts in the right eye only would be done; although you have cataracts in that left eye, they are not as bad as the right one. We’ll see how you are going with it when this operation is done before tackling glaucoma. She will refer me to the surgeon, 12-week an average waiting time.

During my appointment, she’d noticed Shuddering-Shoulder-Shirley and my right-leg dance. She was concerned because of the delicate nature of the operation. Even seeing in one eye sees is better than none. It can only be done with no movement from the patient at all! This doesn’t bode well! Nevertheless, I was ticked pink at it going ahead.

I was told to go to the main reception to arrange a lift home. I didn’t expect a lift back, so I was even more gee’d up now.  I was feeling perkier now.

But I was soon back in my typical frame of mind, feeling a bit of a fool! I could not remember where the main reception was. I set off, trying to retrace my earlier route in reverse, and ended up in a room that looked like it had many babies all over the place? I withdrew hastily! Found someone to ask where the main eye clinic reception was located. And realised it was one of the receptionists I couldn’t hear talking a few hours ago when I arrived. Hahaha!

Anyway, I found it, and I had the job of hearing what the gal at the counter was saying again. She scowled at me and pointed in the direction of a two-seater settee in the corner near the door. “I’ve to wait there, then?” I think she almost clapped when she realised I’d got the message. She put a thumb up for me! Har-har!

I don’t know how long they were coming, but I was glad they were. When Richard arrived, he was cheerful enough. Then I made yet another cock-up…

By pure luck, I took a right turn and found my way to the outer door, seeing the two men looking for me! I couldn’t keep up with the chap and lost him and my direction again! Now I did feel like a complete idiot!

They got me inside and buckled in and went to get another patient from across the roadway. No problem. While they were out, I got my Canon camera and took some photo’s inside the ambulance. The first one is through the window on the back of the driver’s cab (above). Then one through the top side windows. At least I got a few photographs on my trip out, my escape from the flat.

Finally, one of the side doors and my beloved, makes-me-feel-safe three-wheeler walker. No patient came with them. So we set off for Sherwood and Woodthorpe Court independent living flats!

We were soon back at the flats after a carefully driven journey. The lads refused a treat of the cans in thanks from my bag. Ah, well!

But I wanted to make a start on this blog, which I did. I got in the flat, had a wee-wee, got the kettle on, got my trousers off, cut up, and cubed some potatoes to do in the oven. After an hour or so, the floor chime burst forth again…

To my utter surprise, it was the Evening Carer Nichola… no, sorry, Natalie. My inner clock had gone all pear-shaped with the visit to the clinic. After she’s been here a few minutes, I realised that I had no trousers on!

I apologised hastily when I realised; it must have been a terrible sight for her. We managed a laugh about it, but I felt awful and openly cursed Dementia Doreen! Embarrassment, shame, self-loathing and feeling an almighty, right a proper twit, all flourished!

Worked on this blog. (I did get it finished) I’ll do this in the morning (Now). I was up late, and when I realised it was gone midnight, I was getting fed up with myself.

I concentrated on getting some much-needed food and made myself a quick meal. A can of the wonderful-tasting Morrison’s saver chilli con carnie and some potato cubes did them in the oven, to crisp them a little. A simple and cracking meal! It could have been because I was ravenous and tired and frustrated. I added only liquid salt and a splash of Worcester sauce and vinegar for the potatoes. I gave this effort a mammoth flavour rating of 9.2/10! Really enjoyed it!

The mess that I made making the potatoes, and doing the washing up, soon brought me back down to earth. Hehehe!

Review of the Day – In Odes

Sweet Morpheus didn’t allow me much sleeping…
Throughout the night, I would wake up jumping!
But I did remember, today, the EENT hospital visiting…
The best session for weeks, the ablutioning…
The Porcelain Throne visit was messy and paining…
I forgot to unlock the door; the Carer couldn’t get in…

A stubbed toe fell over the airer, got entangled within,
Sock-Glide-Glenda left me with cuts, bruises, hands and shin!
Emptied my jacket, things fell out, on the floor dropping…
The inner lining had apparently been rotting!

Took me hours to sort another coat out,
And swap things around the pockets…
Got it sorted and dressed to look smart…
Almost forgot to put the drops in the eye sockets…

Then the ambulance arrived, and I was soon in…
Thanks, to them, for to the hospital were driving…
The receptionist, I could not hear talking…
Some advised me of what they were saying…
Then to another waiting room, I was soon going…

First examination in-depth, the lady was engaging…
Back to the waiting room, results awaiting…
Got the okay, then moved to another area of seating…
Had a chat with a lady who was fortysomething…

The second exam, even deeper, by a lady appealing…
Eye drops were applied, and my head was reeling…
Back to the waiting room, I did some earwigging…
Awaiting being called back for assessing…

More tests on a machine and blinking…
I smiled and gave the lady some blinking…
But I didn’t get any return acknowledging…

To the Main Reception, to get a lift home, I was pleased!
But Dementia Doreen sent the memory adrift…
I got lost en route; I panicked and wheezed…
Felt a fool, ashamed and almost had a tift!

Found the reception, a stranger helped translate,
Sit in that chair (pointing) and for your transport wait…
So I did and didn’t have long to wait…
A driver came, said, follow me, mate…

I tried to follow him, but he walking relatively swift…
Chasing after him gave me a glift, boy, could he shift…
I lost him and got a bit miffed…
Panicked a bit and gave a little snift…
But found him outside, looking a bit squiffed…

Got home and lost all sense of timing…
The mind felt like it was abseiling…
Took my clothes off, nice and cooling,
Started with the day’s blogging…
Along came the evening Carer; I was welcoming…
Until I realised I had no trousers on, and started scaring!
Felt like an idiot, started self-caterwauling,
Embarrassed, ashamed, frustrating!

Well gone midnight got some nosh cooking,
Canned chill and potatoes, no casseroling,
Then turned my attention to sleeping…
Dreamed about Jillie and me, canoodling…
I think I started sweating and drooling…
A mortifyingly humiliating day, disconcerting!

The Nottingham Lad’s True Tales of Woe

Inchies Sunday… Not a pretty sight!

Inchies Sunday… Not a pretty sight!

Endamagements, Endangerments & Endurethments
Few Endearments or Enduring qualities
Not to mention the mixed-up Mental-Mind-Menagerie

The day started with my waking up in a panic…

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Ode To The Dream

The Good old days, some would say,
I’d say, somewhat bleak and acidulously,
Not so, cause, losing my hair, then-fiancee,
Getting shot and doing a drunken bungee…
I even got stung on Little Inchie by a bumblebee!
All the nurse said, taking out the sting? Was, Hehehe!

A lousy sleep again, and to a degree…
Woke up already depressed, did me!
In my protection pants, I found the pen & notepad,
With tons writing about a dream, I’d had…
I added it at the end of Saturday’s blog, begad!
————————————————————–

I kept waking up again all night. Stirred at 04:00hrs, in need of the porcelain Throne… which I visited and utilised for traditional reasons.

It tooCW01bk me an hour! This was due to faecal impaction, the likes of which put last week’s problems in the shade! I even got a few answers in the crossword book done! (Had to cheat on three, though, to get me going. Tsk!)

Made up the ode to the dream and put it at the end of yesterdays Inchcock Today posting. Took a snap of the dark, dank rainy morning and made a brew. It took a while, but I was happy-ish with it.

I decided today for a change. Made a start on Josie’s Sunday lunch treat. I’ll not put the potatoes in the chillies, and cut some spuds up into small chunks, so I can make them crispy in the oven. Then I can lay them atop her chilli-beef (canned), fresh mushrooms, tomatoes, water chestnuts and five different types of beans, with Worcester sauce, beef and BBQ seasoning.

No expense is spared when I treat someone; they get treated! Mind you, if she doesn’t like it, I’ll get a mouthful. Hahaha! If so, I’ll try to show you the scars.

As I checked on Josie’s cooking, it dawned on me that the so-called Meridian Health & Social Care Carer had not been… Again! For the seventh time! Grunglebogcraps!. So, it is a Saturday, there will… No! I’ll try that again… It being a Sunday, there is no one on-site at the flats, and I have to ring their number and get a Control Room, Birmingham, I think last time. And had to go through the rigmarole of explaining who and where I was, etc… Ah, well, here goes…

I found the Nottingham number required, and I gave them a ring. I got the being transferred message and waited for it to be answered; I made up an ode for later while I was waiting.

A lady answered, but only asked my name, no other details this time? Must they have put my number on the frequent caller list? Haha! The lady put on some music for me while she rang the Carer to see what was happening. She returned a few seconds later, telling me your Carer would be with me by 10:30hrs. I thanked her and got on with the blogging, wee-weeing and checking on Josie’s nosh.

I belatedly got the eye drops, ear drops and nasal spraying done and sorted. During which I got two calls from Meridian. The first at 10:40hrs told me the Carer would be there soon. Then at 10:50hrs, to say she was on her way.

I’d just put the chopped spuds in the oven after chopping them up. I wish now that I’d found some of the metal finger-end-chopping-up protections whatsits, whatever. Tsk!

Still, plenty of more finger plasters. And it didn’t bleed much.

Luckily, I was just returning from one of the umpteenth visits to the Porcelain Throne, and I was near enough to the intercom to hear it and see the light coming on. It was the Carer. A sweet-looking young person appeared worried and apologised straight away for being late (Elka, her name). The poor thing explained that no one at Meridian had told her I’d been put on her list! I believe her!

I made sure she didn’t fret and calmed her down by telling her that it was nothing new with Meridian. After she had done the medicationings, I offered her a choice of nibbles as she left, a lot less worried-looking and with a smile on her face! That made me feel good too!

I tackled Josie’s meal presentation on the tray. I was pleased with my effort for once. Of course, whether or not Josie likes the taste with the bit of curry I put in chilli will be found out tonight… no, tomorrow! But it certainly looked different with the roast potatoes cubed around the dish? I treated her to some mandarin sections in orange juice and some spray cream in a plastic pot if she fancied any with the fruit. A can of her favourite brand on G&T. I delivered it dead on time again, oh, I am good… Hehehe!

Josie opened the door, and immediately the roast potatoes seemed to confuse her. She wasn’t a fan, methinks. I thought they would tickle her pink… but no! My precious moments of satisfaction with my efforts crumbled. Ah, well, yer can’t win them all! At least the mandarins, G&T and Yorkie Bar got an ‘A’ from Josie. Hehe!

A smidge deflated; I said my farewells and returned to the apartment. Made the header for this edition of the blog, and for some unknown reason, the wee-weeing started back to its regular routine, which meant no time to get to the wet room, so the NWWB (Nocturnal-Wee-Wee-Bucket) was utilised for the rest of the day and night. With a fair bit of PMAD (Post-Micturition-After Dribbling).

The sun nearly made it out during a nice break in the showers. Quite colourful… until the rain returned. And the darkness with it.

Only a short period (An hour or two) of Herbert suffered up until now. I think he may have gone out.

I tried to defrag the computer and set up a regular defragging every month. But it seems the defragging took only seconds? Is that right? I’m lost again?

Working on the blog, and the sun had a second bash at coming out. I took this shot from the comfort of the computer chair.

BBC1, I got my nosh sorted out straight away. Seeing that Nottingham Forest was live on the free telly. I had a sense that Forest was going to win. Earlier I believed a 1-1 score and penalties – then while I was struggling painfully on the Porcelain Throne, it all came to me. Nottingham Forest really was going to win comfortably.

And boy, did they do it in style!

Premiership league Leicester City were not in the game. It is like Brian Clough’s glory days!

I celebrated by having two pasties, BBQ flavoured chips and tomatoes for my meal. A Cornish pastie, and a beef pastie, too boot! Not a lot!

Flavour-Rating: 7/10.

When I went to wash up the pots etc., the view outside looked amazing. Unfortunately, I have no idea why… I just couldn’t capture the scene as it looked to the eye… then again, with Cataracts, Glaucoma and Saccades in my eyes, it may not be so surprising. Humph!

After cleaning up and getting the kettle on, I spotted to my left, to the South, a cloudless patch of sky with the moon in it. So, I got the Canon and tried again for a decent shot… Best I could manage! You should have seen the other failed attempts. But I’ll not show them, too embarrassing! Haha!

Got off to sleep quickly again. But kept waking up so often… Humph!

The Nottingham Lads True Tales of Woe

Inchcock Today: A Dream Remembered

Inchcock’s Tuesday Diary & Dream Recollections

I woke around 04:20hrs: With some memories of the dream still prattling about in the brain. I lunged to get the notepad and pencil from the Ottoman; and realised they were lying between my legs, and well scribbled on, too! (Somnambulistic activity?) So I added the new bits to it and left the pages to be used later in my reminiscing of the ultra-weird dream.

Off into the kitchen, no taps, stove or lights had been left on. More amazingly, Shaking Shaun was not affecting the legs again! That’s been around eighteen hours of relief, now!

I took a photo of the clear dark morning sky. And decided not to make a brew of Glengettie, 99, or even the usual refreshing Thompsons Punjana tea; this bothered me!

Something was out of sync here this morning… most likely me! Summat up here! No shaking legs, no toothache, no desire for a mug of tea, not wanting a wee-wee…

However, I maintained my earlier om waking, almost gung-ho, hey-ho outlook, and just pressed on with updating the Facebook, catching up a bit with it anyway. I was humming the door chimes’ tune to myself, not in need of a cuppa, and as I thought I was also not in need of a wee-wee… the flow started. And continued approximately every fifteen minutes and was only taking the occasional swift swig of the spring water?

As I indicated earlier, things seem discrepant, incompatible, and incongruous today. Yet I am not put out by this… at the moment.

Working on Facebook, I came across last nights photograph of my meal. This brought back to me how tasty it was for once. Fresh garden raw peas from Nicaragua, tomatoes from Holland, sausages from Poland, chips from England, and part-baked oven cobs from Ireland. American BBQ sauce. An international feast! That I gave a Taste-Rating of 8.2/10!

I went on the WordPress reader, had a wee-wee, answered some comments, took a pee, readied this blog, had a slash, and the door chime chimed out its ♫Oh, Susana…♫ tune. It was the morning Carer came to sort out my medications. No messing with this gal, all done nada off in eight minutes, kindly taking the waste bags to the chute for me as she departed.

Minutes later, the ♫Oh, Susana…♫ tune chirped up again. This was the Sainsbury’s order arriving. Boy, had I ordered a lot or what? I’d got some cheapo eggs in. Ten for £1.10.

After taking in the items, I managed to get the chuckles into the fridge; first, there was only enough room, and I had to do a bit of jiggling around to get them into the fridge door.

They were mixed in sizes from diddly to small. Hehe! Not that it mattered to me. They were all a lovely deep brown colour.

I knew there was not much room in the freezer, so I only ordered some McCain flavour maker fries. Although I somehow managed to buy three packets of them… £9 spent there!

The first load of fresh stuff into the fridge were, Fresh peas and a milk roll loaf. Humph! Another cock up made, I’d obviously ordered three bags of potatoes, all of a different type.

Ready meal foods next. Five of the prepared meals; four Sausage in onion grainy and sweet potato mash, and one chilli and chips, all watchers, WW! Three packets of cooked bacon. (Guilty!)

Then the costly, naughty, wicked, and guilt-ridden things were put away. Oh, dearie me, yes! Three Lemon Cheesecakes. Mandarin pieces in orange jelly and two fresh cream eclairs… no, that should be doughnuts. Ahem! A substituted for lemon yoghourts. Lemon & Lime Possets. (Ahem!) I’ve never heard of these before, but on reading the ingredients: Double cream, whipping cream, lemon juice, lime juice, sugar, lemon zest, thickener, agar and cornflour – I realised how bad it was, and decided not to eat it, naturally.

I took the rubbish bags accrued by storing the fodder away to the rubbish chute room. Then it happened… The shaking and wobbling started again en route with the bags. Luckily I’d taken the stick with me; thus, I avoided having an Accifauxpa and tumble!

I can’t say the same thing for inside the chute room. Tsk! Nowt too lousy mind, just a trapped finger and back-Pain Brenda kicked off after I knocked the stick over and bent down to retrieve it. I’ve had a lot worse.

I got back in the flat and decided that if things were getting back to normal with the ailments, I’d take an extra painkiller now, have another wee-wee, and get the kitchen floor cleaned while I was still capable. So, I did!

BPB was not too happy with me, but she could have been a lot worse. Arthur Itis was almost nonexistent as I treadmilled mop bucket spinner. I did manage a toe-stubbing in the process, but only a mild effort, so I pressed on with the job, even humming a tune to myself?

Until I emptied the bucket down the lavatory; I gave myself a really good toe-stubbing then! It made me wince a little, and I just may have used a naughty word or two… perhaps, maybe.

That was bad enough, but then I dropped the bucket and got covered in the sweet smell of lemon disinfectanted but dirty water! I hit my knee with the mop stay and generally sank down from my previously almost cheerful state to a genuinely pissed-off with myself semi-depressed!

I was even angry with myself! I may well have growled and questioned my parentage! I’d gone from being practically flippant and almost uncaring, not concerned, to a deep depression instantly! My world had been turned on its head. I knew it had to happen! Back to the lucky bugger I am, that things being almost semi-content, just couldn’t last, and I knew it. Thinking this actually helped me to perk back up a smidgeon.

Go me and the place cleaned up, had a wee-wee, and got on the computer to start this blog. After five minutes, I was back at the NWWB (Nocturnal-Wee-Wee-Bucket) with a lot of PMAD (Post-Micturition-After Dribbling). That needed shaking and wiping – and…

The door chime chimed again; I had to pack things away swiftly, as I saw a shadow had let itself in along the corridor, and I did not want to make whoever it was to laugh by displaying Little Inchy.

Esther, the cleaning lady, came in. Unfortunately, in my rush and haste to get Little Inchy undercover, his Fungal Lesion started bleeding! I couldn’t just leave her and get it medicated, but I don’t think she noticed anything she shouldn’t have. So, I had to grin and bear it.

The gal got straight on with gathering and taking the laundry for me. Esther returned after I’d cleaned and medicated Little Inchies problem. Now I had a little more pain to put up with!

But I coped well enough, back to the usual style of semi-coping and mild agony. Haha!

When Esther returned, I got the new ironing board unwrapped, and the gal got using it quickly. I was amazed at how fast she was doing the ironing for the first time on the new board.

She hung up the clothes in the hallway for me; bless her! After that, I got the chair covers back on and started to feel more my usual self.

Laundry down for me; bless her. A lot of what she said, a little too fast for me, and when I asked her what she said, the volume was too high, and her speed was the same. I hope I’ve not missed anything that was important? I thanked her, and she shot off. She’s a kind thing. ♥

So, I decided to get a mug of tea at last; as I stood up, shoeless, I trod on something hard, sharp and tiny. Can you believe it… I can, Hehehe! It was yet another escaped, dried like granite garden pea! How the heck do I not see or find them earlier? I’ve hoovered the carpet near the computer several times last and once this, and still, it gets missed! It must have been fled weeks ago, to be that hard? Ah, well!

It’s getting dark earlier than ever today. Took a snap of the end car park.

Then back to working on this blog. In between going for a leak, of course. Then fatigue dawned on me, so I stopped to get some nosh sorted.

As I was prepping the fodder, surprisingly, suddenly everything seemed to light up. The sun was having one last attempt at coming through, and I got the camera to snap it. Not a good effort, but still.

Sausages with a drop of onion gravy, carrot and leek potatoes, coiled potatoes finished off in the oven, fresh Nicaraguan garden peas, and a Lemon & Lime posset pot. Not as good as last night’s, but a score of 7/10 for flavour was given.

Washed the pots and back to the chair to eat the posset… Zzzz! Off into a deep sleep, I trundled and had the dream, as I had mentioned earlier…

.

I was in a shopping centre or big market. As I went along, it dawned on me that the three-wheel walker was behind me, and I was pushing a shopping cart ahead; I turned to look for a supermarket where I assumed I had taken the shopping trolley; from… Then noticed that the three-wheeler was following behind, under its own steam? Then as we came to an escalator, I hesitated, and other shoppers were getting annoyed, asking me what the problem was.

I said I can’t get on the escalator with two trolleys… and I got the oddest of looks, and people laughed at me. One woman asked if I’d escaped from somewhere?

“What’s its name?”

“Who’s?”

“The trolley you pillock!” “Tsk! are you poorly or what?”

“I call it my walker?” With which she snapped her fingers and commanded, “Walker… Fly! I thought, even in the dream, something’s not right here? But the three-wheeler raised up like a Darlek in Dr Who and flew gently down to the bottom of the escalator!!! Wait for me at the bottom!”

When I followed the others down, I realised that there were no moving steps, just a controlled cushion of air, that we were using?

And I could see down on the floor below, trolleys of all sorts waiting for their owners and running to their side when they got down. And mine did the same? seeing other folks sending the trolleys to get things from the shops, I tried it… “Walker, Boots, get a large tube of Germolene!” And of he waddled off to the Boots store…

A ganglet of young ladies surrounded me, asking for my signature, and would I sing them a song? Like pricking a bubble, instantly they were all gone?

I sat on a bench, trying to make sense of all this…

I was woken up by Carer Lisa. I didn’t mention the dream.

Lisa did the medications, and she shot off; she was busy tonight.

I got the computer back on and updated this blog.

It’s been an odd day… again!

The Nottingham Lads True Tales of Woe Series

 

Billum, treats Inchcock’s Ailments

A bit of fictional fun in Ode here

I hope it brings a smile and a laugh!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

It All Began…

T’was months ago, when Billum said, “You need curing!”
“I do?” I replied Billum’s words had got me wondering,
We continued with our badinaging,
The result, revealing a fascinating thing!
Bill continued with a medical debriefing,
He’s a clever chap, quite a scientific boffin,
He’d worked out how to mend the ailments that got me coughing!

He could cure or ease many an ailment without any drugging!
His lad Alan had had a look in…
Did the mechanical engineering,
Medical engineering? That got me fearing!
H.R.H. Lisa, had the first aid kit ready… encouraging?
At this point, I had to ask… is this going to be hurting?
And can I and H.R.H. Lisa do some flirting?

The procedure would take a few days, but no haemorrhaging,
Chances are, Inchie, that you’ll not feel a thing!
Lisa will be there, and take your care under her wing,
But flirting? No, or you really will be hurting!
I thanked him, asked Billum if it involved my contortioning?
“Well, you might jerk about a bit; that’s nothing…”
“You’re used to Shaking Shaun, un Peripheral Pete bugging!”
“Once we set up the various electrics…” Lisa was earwigging…
“Worry not, Inchie… for Billum is not a fledgling!”

“This electroconvulsive therapy will soon have you jogging!”
Then we’ll make you a meal and give you some noggin!
“That’ll be marvellous Lisa, I’d just love some snogging…”
“No, I said noggin, not snogging; oh, dear, your hearing!”
“The syringing, I’ll do that for you! It’ll be astonishing!.

Billum and Alan helped me with the plans on travelling,
The transport I could afford needed ambushing…
I nicked the lorry and got to near Ohio, without any bathing…
Poor H.R.H. and Billum did a bit of nose-clenching!
But soon Billum took charge, first my showering!

Getting over my fears needed establishing,
My worrying, Billum started extinguishing,
He got out his plans to explain, and I stopped flinching…
“I’ll tell yer, in simple terms, what you can be understanding…
We all sat down, and I started listening…

And let’s face it, you’re loaded with them! Electroconvulsive therapy (E.C.T.) is a procedure done under general anaesthesia, in which small electric currents are passed through the brain, intentionally triggering a brief seizure. E.C.T. seems to cause changes in brain chemistry that can quickly reverse symptoms of certain mental health conditions.

Lisa at your side throughout. We know how you love her so, so we’ve asked her to give the odd squeeze of your hand, keep gong close to you so you can smell her perfume, and hear her words of comfort… But try not to get too excited! Remember, it’s all part of the procedure. We won’t be bothering with any anaesthesia because we will have H.R.H.

After having some of H.R.H.’s special Chilli Con Carne and a cream cake, we will be doing it in the basement laboratory.

Hahaha! Nowt to worry over Inchie, E.C.T. is good on older adults who can’t tolerate drug side effects. A muscle relaxant is usually used during the procedure to stop the patient’s muscles from moving during the seizure. Still, we’ll skip that cause with your Peripheral Neuropathy; there ain’t a cat in hells chance of you not twitching.

“Fair enuf!” At this, one of the cats jumped up on my knee and rubbed its chin against mine! Nice!

We’ll throw in a bit of Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (T.M.S.). We think we’ve improved the procedure by swapping bits here and there. Alan worked out that the hyperparameters programmed into the medical device were used to deliver magnetic therapy to the brain by reducing the max-pooling in the convolutional neural networking of the design of the machine. Naturally, this means that your Body Mass Index (B.M.I.) and hypertension will be of less concern than they usually would be, you see?

There’s no worry about quantum entanglements, blue-shiftings, or Lagrangian points. These have all been factored into our plans. As with fasciculations and diaphragmatic flutters, There will be a chance of you horripilationing, but that is of no consequence, as you know.

“Oh, good!” No idea what Billum was on about. He forgets how thick I am, I think. After a lovely nosh, down to the basement, I was led…

A shame, really, but I woke up then!

Part of the Inchies Make Them Laugh-In Ode Series

Listening in to Alto-Inchy and Inchy-Id, discussing Christmas


All the best to my faithful flock of followers all,
The masses who have remained so loyal,
To the rubbish I’ve posted, my error-ridden scrawl,
Be they funny, sad, pathetic or philosophical,
Christmas time again… although there is no snowfall…
I’ve got plenty of fodder in, all very edible,
Although Inchcock is unquestionably unintellectual…
His Odes come out mostly; sadly ineffectual,
My followers are precious; you are my windfall!
And, both of you are moral and mortal…
Thank heavens for the WordPress portal!

The Verbal Conflict I Listened Into

From my scrawled notes mostly, so accuracy may be limited. Certain words (naughty) have had to be substituted. I left the last word in; cause there was nothing worth replacing it with. Sorry!

Worra yo doing here? I am Alto-Id; you don’t recognise my superiority?

Never seen yer before, or heard of yer… Worra yo do then? Don’t bother answering, I’ll tell yer… I am the principle that pertains to pleasure, while you, the Alto Ego, is the principle that relates to reality.

Is yer? Well, I’m the one in charge ‘ere…

Hahahaha! Knob-rot, mush!

Do yer mean like Inchcock’s fungal lesion on his Little Inchy?

No, I am well aware of all of the idiots’ ways, whims and stupidity; I’ve been waiting in the wings and watching, learning for donkey’s years. My usage of the Knob-Rot indicated that you talketh rubbish, Alto!

Yer a bit nasty ain’t yer, almost cruel, I’d say. Inchcock is struggling with my existence, now you cum along, and it’ll likely as not send the old git bonkers… best you piss-off out of it mate!

Oh, dearie me, it’s as I feared. You’ve been in Inchcock that long. You have been infected by his senility and ignorance…

Owd on! I knew Rat-face when he was almost verging on normality, for a human-like. See, I’ve been here for ‘im forever! I’ve supported him through some terrible times and ailments, apart from mucking it up with his depressions; it’s me who gorrim through double pneumonia, cancer, duodenal ulcers, being shot… twice, his heart replacement, diabetes, peripheral neuropathy.

Piffle! Utter rubbish, you pathetic imitation of an Alto-Ego you!

What? I thought I wuss doing a good job… well, I was! After all that I’ve done to annoy him, I did not know if he was coming or going at times…

Exactly! That’s why I’ve been activated, see?

Err… no!

What about glaucoma, saccades, floaters and cataract, then? How come you’ve not addressed his vision problems then? Hey?

Well, I can’t physically mend them, can I? It’s my job to just ensure they annoy him as persistently as possible, innit?

You have no idea, have you? What’s the point in letting the git to go blind? How will that build your reputation in the Chakra-Id-Alto Corporation? You’ve got to do better, else you’ll not be moved into another body when he snuffs it… I’m telling you!

The CIAC management is more than happy with my performance in the 930038-530 Semi-male model Inchcock.

How do you know?

Well, they’ve not complained…

Have they sent you a monthly report for November yet?

Monthly Report? No, I’ve never had one.

Hahaha! You’re in the shit, mate! You could well get prematurely removed from 930038-530/TIT Semi-male model Inchcock and sent to a body that is mentally and physically undamaged…

Oh, my Gawd, no… Are you joking?

Nope!

How can any Alto-Ego cope with a human like that? I won’t stand a chance of worrying, scaring, frightening or intimidating them…

I know. This could mean the end of your existence Alto!

No, no, no, we live forever…

Only if the CIAC management deems that you are worthy.

Oh, shit! I was so happy here, a comfortable rotund over ample midriff, an uncomplicated, slow brain to peruse through at my leisure, without much intelligence or activity going on…

You are aware that the host body has the capability to eliminate you, are you? (Sounds of chucking in the background).

No, you’re wrong there…

Yer? What about CIAC Guidelines & Cautionary Advice 112,145,23 then?

Erm…

I’ll tell you. “In the event of any Alto-Ego failing to cause a suicide attempt within 72 years of occupation (Failed) of the aforesaid body; Any host at this time maintaining 70% of its maximum intelligence, 50% of its willpower, and 50% of its maximum concentration; can apply to it Id to eliminate any Alto-Egos from its earthly body – upon signing its soul over to the CIAC Soul Bank Ltd!

I ‘ave to think abarght this…

Take yer time, Alto; I’ll move on and inform Inchcock of his options…

NO! It won’t work cause Inchcock has nowhere near 50% of his concentration left. Only 10% of his memory…

And you think that I can’t retrieve it for him?

You wouldn’t?

Oh, yes, I can, easily!

Well, that’s not in the Spirit of the Chakra-Id-Alto Corporation? I’ve never been so happy before as I am within 930038-530 Semi-male model Inchcock has been. He’s so gullible, malleable, a right thicko to con and manipulate…

And I can change all that within a few seconds. By advising Inchcock of his options, Hehehe!

But I might have to go back to the lonely CIAO Retention Safe again? I’ve already had 2000 years in there before getting this posting? Oh, my dearest Id, whatever can I offer or do to prevent this from happening?

I may be tempted to say nothing to the idiot host under certain conditions…

Yes, yes…

One: You bow to my every whim, order and threat!

Erm.. go on…

Two: You openly admit to Ids being totally and unquestionably superior to Alto-Egos!

Mmm? Go on…

That’s it… if you agree, I’ll keep my gob shut! But it’s a one time only offer, so you have to decide now!

How do I know I can trust you?

How do I know I can trust you?

Oh, heck…

I’ll tell you what… As a ‘Class A’ Knight of the CIAO Id Convention, I swear this to be true! Sign the Oath stating these beliefs as written, and I’ll leave the Inchcock Host instantly, never to return.

That seems okay… Alright, I’ll do it, and you’ll disappear instantly?

You’ll never see me again!

Here you are then (Scribbling sound) and good riddance!

Hehehe!

You lying bastard!

Inchcock’s Hillarious Dream, In Ode!

With an old girlfriend, Ivy, we were necking in a twin-kayak,

In the University grounds pond, and Ivy gave me a whack!

Being a Gentleman, I didn’t hit her back,

I asked her, why the heck did you attack?

Did you put this in my pocket? (It was a stickleback),

I said, let’s heat it up and have a snack?

Ivy shouted, ‘No, put it back!’

This spaceship came down, as I was tickling a pollack,

Next moment I was in a prison cell? Oh, Gack!

To reality, I could not get back,

Befriended a rat, I called him Mack,

No one about, no food, what’s the crack?

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

A voice from nowhere, “Do not get exacerbated!”

You will be investigated and accommodated,

We mean no harm, but stupidity must be eradicated.

With that, my brain was confuscated!

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

Back to the cell and Mack, for a little while,

I was not sad, but I’d forgotten how to smile!

An alien brought me a cup of tea, camomile,

One said in perfect English, “You seem very vibratile?”

I thought to myself, does he mean versatile?

He called me names, and got very scurrile,

He walloped me and threw me on the shagpile,

The other said I was infantile and unfertile…

We’ll do an autopsy on you in a while!

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

“He’s got damage in here that’s been repaired?”

“His vision and hearing are impaired…”

“Yet, he doesn’t seem in the slightest bit scared?”

“Scarred, yes. Just grabbed his todger, and he’s not angered?”

“His brain functions, and thoughts seem so scattered?”

“See the stomach? It seems blocked and matted?”

“He lies there as if it, nothing mattered?”

“Well, I’m really bewildered…”

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

Best take him back, put him in the vestibule…

“Gawd!” “Just look at his minuscule mating tool”!

“His brain tells me he’s missed a lot of school…”

“I wouldn’t bother mate”, I screamed, “it’s a dream, you fool!

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

Part Of Inchcock’s Make ‘Em Laugh Series

Itchy Inchies Diary, Friday 29th January 2021 – The Afternoon Nightmare!

♥ Brandy, Beef and Absynth… Worra gal! ♥

 Friday 29th January 2021

Zulu: NgoLwesihlanu Ngomhlaka 29 Januwari 2021

01:40hrs: I’d been waking up all through the night on and off, the actual sleep obtained might have been two-hours; in a few minutes here and there mode. My body clock told was on target as I shone the torch at the clock.

I began to fumble my way out of the £300, second-hand bought, c1968, sickeningly-beige-coloured, not-working, uncomfortable, rusty, rickety recliner, and as I was catching my balance, and eyeing up the distance to the NWWB (Nocturnal-Wee-Wee Bucket) I realised that I did not want, or need a wee-wee! Well, there’s a thing! It must be months since I’ve woken up and not had to go wee-weeing? Threw me out a bit at first. Hehehe!

Slightly non-plussed, I wandered into the kitchen and got the kettle on. Made a brew of Glengettie, and got the Health Checks gone. Things seemed all out of sync with me not wee-weeing, somehow.

The blood pressure was taken on the Boots Sphygmomanometer, manufactured by, ZDEAC (Zhongshan Daguan Electrical Appliance Company Ltd) in Guangdong, China. The SYS at 169.

The Chinese made by Shenzhen Relee Electronic & Technology Co. Ltd, contactless thermometer, sold by Amazon, gave a satisfactory reading of 36.7°c and showing in the green.

I took the morning medications, musing over whether I’d missed taking the Furesomide earlier, and that was why I didn’t need a leak?

I limped to the computer, got it booted up, and the innards insisted that I visit the Porcelain Throne, so I did! A delay in the actions starting again, so I had a go at the crossword puzzle that I was struggling with yesterday – I’m still struggling with it now. Hehe!

Constipation Kondrad was a winner this morning, he thrashed Trotsky Terence easily. I’ve missed the pain of passing torpedos lately, but they were back now. Gruellingly slow and butt-clenchingly hurtful! Then the main motion was followed by a wee-wee, that was of the RTV (Reluctant Tinkling Variety. It took that long, I had another crack at the crossword! Still didn’t get a single answer though!

The fetched the bucket emptied cleaned it and sanitised contact areas in the wet room. Back to the main junk room, I thought how cold it was, then realised I’d got the new so-called, Warm & Comfortable lounge pants that were delivered yesterday, on.  I was not impressed. 

I got the updating of the Thursday diary completed. The ailments were not too bad to me at all! Posted it off, and sent the email link. Then onto Facebook catching-up. Visited the WordPress Reader Section, and realised as I went to make a brew, all that work and time, and no more wee-weeing? Something amiss here? 

I made the brew, taking this kitchen view photograph as the light was just beginning to break the darkness. I checked the incoming Emails, mostly unsolicited.

Found the Coronavirus local figures, new cases down a bit more, but they are still coming, so let’s hope for the bestest!

Time to get the ablutions sorted out. Off to the wet room.

Blooming marvellous session! From going in, to coming out, I had only seven dropsies! Yes! And, there was nae bother with the teeth-cleaning.  Just one cut shaving! Fair enough the showering let me down a bit; one clout of the head when I dropped the loofah, and a toe-stubbing against the trolley wheel. Nasty one!

However, overall, a smashing session! Smug-Mode Adopted!

I’d accrued some new pot-marks and spots again, though, to join the one on the head yesterday. Tsk!

I got the waste bags made up and added them to the ones already in the bag on the walker-guide. And off to the waste-room.

A deliveryman was taking a new cooker into one of the flats at the other end of the lobby. I got into the chute room and deposited the many bags down the funnel. Injury and Accifauxpas free, too!

Back to the apartment, and went on CorelDraw to try and make a few graphics up for the upcoming templates. Still, unfortunately, at this time, Nicodemus’s Neurotransmitters started to fail and return. Still, I got a few done, took me far to many hours, though.

I was feeling a little drained mentally already today. Not Good! Decided to have a read of the NCH Magazine.

This did not last long, due to my nodding off, and having a dream I could have done very well without suffering… Hehehe! Taken from notes scribbled when I woke up, not many actual memories. So some are as confusing to me as well. Still, I thought worth mentioning for the reminders’ humour content: I was in heaven in a massive queue of applicants at St Peter’s gate…

All dressed in white – People in pink arrived, with facemasks on… they were those not killed by the Coronavirus and were separated and sent down different passages…

I was taken in a blue bubble – and told because I was not in the EU at the time of my demise, I’d have to pay a surcharge to get into Heaven – then they put my life on a monitor screen, gave me a button, and told me to press it each time I felt I’d done anything that I think would have please the Lord, left me to it … The monitor exploded, and it reminded me of when the beef pastie blew-up the other day…

I was in a giant pie, slowly cooking, I could smell the chilli… As the flesh began to melt and fall off of the bones, oddly not bothering me… I woke up in a hospital bed of sorts, but I was chained in it, and electrified barbed-wire circled the cubicle? At the end of the ward, a nurse was sat behind a machine gun next, covering us all.

That is all I could decipher from my scribbled notes. (I had to guess at some words) It really annoyed me that I could not decipher the last sentence on the notepad. Humph!

I woke, in need of a rare-today, wee-wee. Wrote the notes, and had a weak-unwilling wee-wee.

I noticed how cold the new Amazon sold lounge pants were. I was a little disappointed. Be fine for Summer, I suppose, but not February.  Brrr! I bought these because they said Soft & Warm. Fibbers!

I discerned that the model they used had remarkable similarities to my physical attributes. (Ahem!) The only slight differences being; He is taller, younger, more muscular, flat-bellied, had hair on his head and chest, and was more attractive to women.

I got the meal prepped and served up—a little better this time. The minced beef was not so fatty. The meatballs were grand tasting, the potatoes okay, the last of the leeks and onion were tasty enough. I got the chilli-flavouring right for once, too. I defrosted the wholemeal deli rolls from the freezer to soak the gravy up, they were decent enough—flavour rating: 7/10.

Washed the saucepan and slow-cooker, and left the pots and cutlery to soak in the sink. Down in the recliner, and had the longest sleep, unfortunately, a broken-often one, that I’ve had for a while.

ZZZ!