Irkable-Inchies Diary – Sunday 7th February 2021

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Sunday 7th February 2021

Dydd Sul 7fed Chwefror 2021

23:00hrs: I woke in a confused condition, and lay there, half-hanging-out of the c1968 recliner, with paperwork all over the carpet and ottoman.

But the brain recovered and started stutteringly working. I realised that all the form-filling that arrived and needed sorting must have been on my mind while sleeping? I was probably perusing it in my sleep, which is surely impossible?

I found the resolution to rise up on my feet, catch my balance and go for the daily early morning wee-wee. It was a long trickling job, it stung a bit too. (I later checked the NHS Wee Colour Card, it was on three, which is good) During which, I decided to get on with the updating of the Saturday (Gawd, I hate weekends – I’m not all that keen on weekdays nowadays actually!) I’ve no templates done, and I still need to create some graphics to make anyTsk! The plan was to do nowt but concentrate on getting on with it!

I opened the computer, well, turned it on, and opened CorelDraw and WordPress. But my plans had to abandoned as off to the Porcelain Throne I trotted!

Precisely the same type of evacuation as yesterdays first effort: No pain, no bleeding, no mess! Grrreat! All done and washed up within a few minutes! Back to the computer.

Pressed on with finalising the Saturday diary, did well, the ailments were hardly bothering me at all? Amazing! Smug-Mode-Engaged! Got it posted off, emailed the link, and Pinterested a coup[le of snaps. Then went on Facebooking.

Set myself ready to make a template for today’s blog, got it created, and a second-calling to the Porcelain Throne arrived. (Just like yesterday?) And turned out to be another carbon copy of that 2nd evacuation like from Saturday!

Sloppy, in messy slithery dollops, stunk awful, and much bleeding from Harold’s Haemorrhoids. More time was lost in cleaning things up, but today it was not such a lousy job, cause I got to the Throne in time. Washed and disinfected, and back to the computer again.

I read and replied to the WP comments. Went on the WP Reader Section, and finally, after hours of being up, I made a start on this blog. Two-minutes later, I needed a wee-wee, washed the hands and made a brew of Co-op 99 tea.

Then, CorelDraw went to get some graphics made-up, a long job, but I enjoy doing them, oh, another wee-wee first. Started graphicationalisationing at around 03:00hrs.

Around 05:30hrs, a third Porcelain Throne session had to be tended too, and I do not kid you… it came so suddenly, straight to the wet room, and somehow, I got there, but only just in time. Trotsky Terence is now in full charge of things. I dug out and took an anti-diahorrea capsule. Then back on with the graphics.

I got the graphics done, but not until 08:50hrs! I was ready to go back to bed, Hahaha!

Seriously though, for a moment. The ‘runs’ must be connected to yesterdays bad-do when I just gave up doing anything and felt rotten. Not good anyway. Not identifiably poorly, like in a haze? I could only sit down. Now the third Throne visit in what, eight or nine hours?  Mmm? Same again, but messier! Eurgh! Had a shave and shower, which went okay.

I took a snap of the bleeding eye, I think it is looking less bloodied now!

I got Josie’s nosh prepped as far as I could, and heard a clunk? It was a parcel being put through the door, a small one in an inner box? It was the Alert Wristlets for Warfarin. Although dearer than the last ones I bought (I break them regularly you know, Tsk!), they were not very thick or wide-fitting.

I nipped back to do some work on the blog, and I had problems with the WordPress Editor. The scroll bar had disappeared, making it hard work to change colours, modes, add graphics… well, everything really. I searched on Gooogle, to find that many other people were having the same problem, the only reply to one question from WordPress only worked o the new block layout, and I can’t get my head around that at all. I tried sending for help on all three channels available from WordPress, they were either gone, dead, or turned off! I turned of the blog and put it back on, but that didn’t help, then it dawned on me – Josie’s meal!!!

I hobbled hastily and got it ready, but it was twenty minutes passed when I got it to Josie’s flat.

Still, she was on the phone to her sister, and she didn’t seem worried, bless her.

I rushed around cleaning up after the cooking, and got mu saucepan filled with peppers, peas, chilli-meatballs, sliced some sweet carrots, onions, seasoned with sea salt, Oxo meat and vegetable cubes, and a pinch of chilli powder.

I went to move the potatoes, that had been in crock-pot for around six hours, to the saucepan. But they were rock hard still? If anyone likes green or hard potatoes; I can recommend Iceland to send some!

I left the saucepan on a minimum low heat and gobbled up a banana. I felt quite honoured at Iceland, sending some fresh foo that was not sour, green, mouldy, out-of-date, and edible. I must send them an email thanking them.

I had a bit of a job getting the rubbish bags gathered and sorted into the cardboard box. Some heavy loads were in it today. BPB kicked off as I bent to pick the package up onto the trolley guide, and has been lingering on and of ever since.

Of course; this Back-Pain-Brenda agony doesn’t affect me in the slightest. No, a man who’s suffered a change of heart for a plastic and metal one, a Barium meal gone wrong, a burst duodenal ulcer, been shot twice, fell of the back of a lorry on the A52, had a 100% record in his squash games, boxing matches, (he lost every one). The got Peripheral Neuropathy, a leg ulcer, and next, a stroke, and still didn’t complain later in life when he got Saccades, started stuttering, and was diagnosed as diabetic. No, a little thing like BPB isn’t going to bother me, oh, no… Well, maybe a bit then! Hahaha! Even when I got to the chute-room and trapped my knuckle on the cast iron drop lid, I merely laughed it off. Ahem!

On my hobble back to the flat in the lift lobby, the silent suddenly hit me.

In there, I could not hear the blasted ‘Hum’, or any of the machinery noises either, which were there when I got back in the apartment, of course?

It dawned on me that I had not taken the afternoon medications, nor had I done the Health Checks, either! So, I did! The SYS reading may impress Tim Price, 147, Dia 71, Pulse 95 – Grrreat! I can report to Tim, I took them very late in the day, and after three Throne-dumps!

Or was it four? Ha!

Time to get something to eat, the Inchy-made nosh of, Meatballs, onions, sweet carrots, potatoes (canned ones now), peas, black beans, parsnip, and yellow pepper. Riskily flavoured with chill powder, sea salt, squid vinegar and vegetable and meat Oxo cubes. It smells pleasant enough from where I am in the next room… Crickey, I have to go check it in case…

All okay, it’ll be ready in a while, five or ten minutes methinks. Had a spoon of the mix, the onions are terribly tough (thanks again to Iceland), everything else seems fine and dandy.

The meal looked a treat, a delight, appealing… but it wasn’t! The expensive sweet tomatoes had not cooked and were too hard to eat easily, I picked them out and dished them. The roll was a smidge stale tasting, I dished them. Everything else tasted fine… apart from the well in date lemon yoghourt, that had gone off! So, I dished it! Overall taste: 7/10. I put the things to soak in the sink.

A quick look to see if owt worth watching on the bo and, then getting washed and changed into the jammies. Then a prayer for Josie not to wake me again this week. She didn’t bless her! 

I turned the TV on, and then I nodded off. Woke ten-minutes later, thinking it was time to get up! As I struggled to get free of the recliner, it dawned on me what time it was, and I plonked back down in the chair. Minutes later, I was in the land of nod again, dreaming about a river in New Mexico, and searching for my lost camera, which had a 2-foot long lens extension? Two owls hooted as I passed them by. Other things happened, but no idea what now? I think I know where this dream came from, a site on WordPress. I woke again, thinking that a few minutes had passed, and four hours had!

Got up for a wee-wee…

Inchoate Inchcock Diary – Thursday 4th February 2021

♥ Australian Garden Centre ♥

Thursday 4th February 2021

Hawaiian: Pōʻahā 4 Pepeluali 2021

Good Morning!

01:05hrs. I seemed to wake up more slowly this morning, it took a while to engage the brain. A few moments of vagueness, and utter disinterest in anything, soon passed, and I realised that I’d just had over five hours in the arms of sweet Morpheus, which surprised me a little after the four previous nights of broken, disturbed rest. Maybe things are going to go better today for me? What a stupid thought! My brain was near-fully operational, and the Thought Storms began. Thankfully, the need of a wee-wee broke the trend.

I rose calmly, and carefully from the c1968 recliner, and caught my balance easily enough. Hobbled over to the ‘unused’, overnight nocturnal wee-wee bucket, and boy what a shocker it was! Back to those of last year; Stinging like hell, bursts out for a few seconds, then went into a dribble mode with even worse pain! Silver Lining Search: There was no pre or after dribbling!

Started doing the Health-Checks, with the Blood Pressure on the Boots Sphygmomanometer, manufactured by, ZDEAC (Zhongshan Daguan Electrical Appliance Company Ltd) in Guangdong, China. Great! The SYS was down to 130, it’s never been so low! Dia 83, pulse 79.
The Chinese (Hong Kong) made by Shenzhen Relee Electronic & Technology Co. Ltd, contactless thermometer, gave exactly the same reading as it did yesterday, of 36.7°c. That was pleasing, cause I reckon that is a fair level.

I took the morning tablets. Please note that I did not miss last nights doses! Hehe! About time too!

I turned the computer on to do some graphics, then had a look at the emails. One indicated that L9 bus service is to be cancelled in apart of the Nottingham City Councils efforts to claw back £millions, due to Covid-19. There was an email address to offer our views on the subject, and I sent one. But it will inevitably have to go. Shame, but it can’t be helped.

I went to make a brew of Glengettie, and I got side-tracked (I do tat an awful lot, lately). Into sorting the seasoning cupboard out. Glad to say I’ve now got some various seasonings in hand. Mild chilli, basil, paprika, chives, various types of salts, peri-peri, etc. Soy sauce, balsamic vinegar, Squid sauce, normal and extra-strong matured Marmite (Hehehehe, lovely!), black pepper, too. Shame that Iceland and Sainsbury’s didn’t send me any fresh onions, leeks or shallots. Tsk!

I put the remainder of the mini-potatoes in the crock-pot, and added some chives and sea salt, leaving them to hopefully, marinate. Note how SSS (Shuddering-Shoulder-Shirley) encouraged me to tip in half the pot of chives? Grumph!

Titivating the fridge, and I came across this whatever it was in the photo on the right? It was snuggled in the door tray, hidden under some pots of milk. I wonder what it was? You have to laugh! Well, I did anyway, during which, I let pains in both eyes, not bad at all, but it worried me. So much that I got the camera to investigate.

It was the subconjunctival haemorrhage in the eye. But it didn’t look so bad as the last time.  I wondered why it was in the right eye this time, but the pictures looked the same as previously? It dawned on me after a while, the Nikon camera, now deceased; I’m afraid, had something called an unmirrored lens… I might be getting myself all confused here? Anyway, I sneezed a few times again, and now both eyes are itching like mad? My typical bad timing, with the vaccination due tomorrow, I don’t want to get in a pickle appointment-wise. Then, of course, Saturday and Sunday, so no help available. The left eye is getting filled with mucus, and making seeing properly difficult as the day goes on.

I went for another painful pee, of the same mode as the first one. And got started on updating the blog from yesterday. I fear many mistakes have been made with the eyes problems. I fear that if Saccedes Sandra comes on as well, I’ll just have to summon help.

It was uncomfortable and Oh, so slow job doing the updating. Got it finished eventually. Posted it off, Emailed the link, Pinterested a photo or two, then went on Facebook catch-up. Hard work seeing things correctly. Went on the WordPress Reader section. Next, I replied to the WP comments.

Then, I did some template adjusting, changed the font, I wanted to widen the main text body, but couldn’t. This might am not allowed on this template, or, as is more likely, I couldn’t remember how to do it. Tsk!

I put the computer into sleep-mode and got some handwashing done. The made in Myanmar (Burmese), maroon zip-up jacket, and the new made in India, Tru-Size pyjama bottoms-lounge pants, are not true-to-size very warm, but comfortable enough with all the heating on full.

Off to get the ablutions tended to. I had a nosey at the eye again, it looks a tad worse than yesterday, and the annoying itching continues. As for the ablutions, well, hardly any problems at all. It was as if I was in a dream! Total all the way through, there were only about six dropsies, nowt knocked over – Grrreat!

Back to the computer, and I saw the thick quilt that I was going to wash earlier. It was where I left it, folded on the clothes airer, so I wouldn’t forget it – but I did! So I set to washing it in the sink, and it was a bit of a job, with it being thicker. I then hung on the shower track in the wet room to dry.

I made a start on the waste bag assembling. And found four letters had been posted, I went off to investigate, one from the NHS – DVT Deep-Vein-Thrombosis Warfarin clinic with the results of the last blood test, the INR was up to 3.4, which is almost spot-on, at last something went right! Yee-Haa!

The next one, was from the City of Nottingham City Police, about the Pegasus listing I presume, I’ve not opened it yet. I must ask Deana if she can help me that one, it needs a lot of living details filling in about Winwood Heights.

Another from the NHS, telling to book an appointment for the Covid-19 Vaccine – this is the third one I’ve had, and the appointments were made last Wednesday, I think it was. Another, telling me the same thing, including a leaflet of what to expect and do at the appointment.

Sister Jane rang, I was in the middle of sorting out the waste bags, and she said she’d ring back. Which she did! I got the job cleared up, and she rang back with impeccable timing, as is her way. Haha! We had a good chinwag, Pete chipping in. He’s doing so well with his Big C – Super! We even managed a few laughs and a spot of reminiscing, too!

I got the waste bags on the walker and limped along through flat looby, to the end of the lift lobby, and into the chute room – not an uneventful little poddle as it turned out…

As I fumbled a little to get in without scratching the new paintwork with the trolley-guide wheels, the blasted git of a bad timer, SSS gave me a bashing at the worst possible moment! Just as I opened the cover and reached down to pick the bag up, SSS made me clout the back of my elbow joint on the cast iron metal!

I’m writing this a couple of hours later than when it happened, and the elbow still hurts! Grigglesbogworthy!

Of course, it didn’t bother me really.

I went down ion the lift to take the recycling stuff to the bin. The flooring chaps were working in the lobby, and the main front doors were out of bounds, so I went through the caretaker’s access room, and out to the big bin.

Back up, had a mug of Thompsons Punjana tea, rubbed some Phorpain Gel on the bashed up elbow, and top, the midday medications, olive oiled the lugholes nibbled some Pretzel pieces, the Honey, Mustard and Onion flavoured ones. Gawd they’re good!

I then investigated the chances of getting a Sainsbury order done for next Monday or Tuesday. I see what’s what and available, back in a bit folks…

Few options on slots I’m afraid, I had no choice than to have a late one – Fangnations! Wednesday 10th February 2021 – 18:30>19:30hrs. Still, I can look forward to getting some of the ordered minced beef to make the Chill-Con-Carne with, hopefully, some leeks, parsnips, onions and carrots to go with it this time. I’ve blocked substitutes on the veg, else I might have ended up their Sainsbury’s famous Super-Substitutes and got things like; a cheese knife, pickled walnut and/or some postage stamps.

The weariness is coming on. I put the delivery on the Google Calendar. Added some diced onions on the Iceland order for Saturday.

I got an email telling me that the damned charges for the mobile are going up again! That was nice… Grumphs!

A year or so ago, I called in the shop in Victoria Centre to cancel the contract… and the smooth, villainous, young Arthur Daily type assistant manager, said they could put me on a contract with free calls and texts, for a sim, at £15 a month. Naturally, I fell for the con. It’s gone up three times since, and a limit on free phone calls has come into play. Well, I don’t have Network Envy!

Going to get some nosh sorted, I’m fading fast here. Haha!

I took this snap from the kitchenette window, I’ve forgotten why, but there was a reason. (Tsk!)

Then I set to serving the meal up on the tray. And a decent one it was. The turkey slices were supposed to be Chilli-flavoured, some folks would have been disappointed, but the mild taste suited me down to the ground… Which is where some of the meat ended up when SSS gave me a rattling good shaking as I was getting it out of the packet! Cringleblastit! A worthy flavour-rating of 7.5/10, though. The sourdough bread had kept well, and as delicious with the Lurpac loaded on the slices! I noticed the bag’s writing had changed, and now states ‘Slow-fermented Starter-Dough’, what does that mean? I’ll get time eventually to ask Mr Google.

I washed the pots, and took the evening medications (that’s two nights remembering to take them on the trot, now! Hehe!).

Settled to watch two episodes of ‘Tales of the Unexpected’, on Freeview channel 11. Wonderfully, I flaked-out at the first set of adverts and was in the hands of Sweet Morpheus… Ahhh!

Insecure Inchies Diary – Tuesday 2nd February 2021

TFZer Cooking, and another looking?

Tuesday 2nd February 2021

Croatian: Utorak, 2 Veljače 2021

(2.2.21) 02:34hrs: I forced open my eyes and waited for the brain to catch me up. I soon realised that I’d just had a whopping great sleep of over five-hours duration! Grrreat! But why did I feel so tired still? There were no demands for any immediate wee-weeing needs. (Another surprise for me!)

I stayed there, on the £300, second-hand c1968, recliner, and did a bit of enforced bodily wriggling, to access the state of the ailments.

No signs of pain or even discomfort, from Ann Gyna. Reflux Roger, Arthur Itis, SSS (Shuddering-Shoulder-Shirley), or hassles, were all absent! Toothache Thomas and BPB (Back-Pain-Brenda) were the tiniest bit uncomfortable, but well-bearable to live with! Only Cartilage Cathy, of the Pain-Giving selection of ailments, was hurtful!  An extraordinary and delightsome state of medical affairs to wake up to! But I held back from going into a ‘Smug-Mode’, all the same.

For as I made my first moves to free myself from the battered and tatty futon, I realised that Nicoemus’s neurotransmitters failing, Saccades was blurring the vision, and Dizzy Dennis were both active! Not good, but far much better than the average upping and at ’em times, pain-wise.

By the time I’d fought my body out of the recliner and caught my balance. A wee-wee was needed. To the overnight bucket, and got a hell of a shock, as an FPB (Forceful-Painful-Blasting) marathon of a wee-wee flowed out, as if from a hose-pipe! Gorblimey! A few specs of blood floaters too, probably from the Fungal Lesion, I’ll check on it later. Still, it woke me up fully, Hehe!

I washed me and the bucket, disinfected and got on with the Health Checks.

Yet another surprise. The SYS reading was down even further this morning, to 140, the lowest for years!

The made in Hong Kong, by the Chinese Harpin Xian Di company, and reliable contactless thermometer result as down a smidgeon on yesterdays reading, at 36.9°c,  (98.42°f). A good count, methinks? It’s ion the green anyway.

I made a mess of photographing the feet as I got dressed. I’ve no idea what I did wrong? But it came out pretty horrible! 

Then I took the medications from last night, that again I’ve forgotten to take. Humph!

I made a brew of Glengettie tea, put the milk in, and had to nip to the Porcelain Throne in some haste. 

No doubt in my mind from the innards rumbling, and that uncertain feeling in the stomach, this was going to be a session, that was dominated my Trotsky Terence again! Boy, was I right!

Again, like the last three visits, no soon had I plumped my bum on the plastic raised seat, the evacuations started and flowed slowly, but painlessly for once, on and on it went. Where is it coming from, I didn’t have a meal last night? Masses of it! Messy, stinky, mushy, all in long thin torpedo-shapes, that gelled together as I looked at it!

I swear it began steaming!

What a picklement, the flushes were not clearing much away down the hole, despite things looking like they were turning almost liquid each time the handle was pressed, and that was many times! I don’t think I’ve ever had to flush and refill the tank so often? Took me ages free things up. But eventually, it disappeared! Phew!

The towel that I had put on the sock-glide to air-off was left where it was. I felt a comfort of sorts, in not having to look at the vindictive, injury-producing, hateful damned thing! Hahaha!

Off to get the ablutions tackled. The teeth cleaning produced only two dropsies! The shaving was a good session, only two dropsies, and three minuscule nicks. The showering was a bit of a lark, eleven dropsies, two bags against hard objects, and a few worries over loses of balance – however, I got through it without any severe injuries, all the same. It took me well over an hour this time.

The wee-wees were getting a little more frequent for some unknown. Back on the computer, I got sidetracked when I found a site with some good usable old English words. Made a brew, the bitterly cold fine rain was falling.

I had a bash at cleaning the reading glasses, but I had to be careful with Nicodemus and SSS starting to play up. It took me ages to find where I’d left the wristwatch.

After a lengthy and in-depth ‘driving-me-bonkers’ search…

I found it right in front of me, on the 1963-designed and made Hopewell’s G-plan cabinet. I bought it from the charity shop in Sherwood when I moved into the flat. I wish I’d known it was going to fall to pieces so soon. Tsk!

I got the hearing aids decoked and out in. And returned to the computer, and at a whim, I started to create a little humorous rhyme with graphics, about the lockdown.

I got as far as making the header for the funny ode post, and the door chimes burst forth. It was the district nurse, bless her cotton socks! I hobble unsteadily to the door and welcomed her in. Such a lovely lady ♥. She set to getting things done, while I waffled on, going through the usual stuff and checks.

BP, Diabetes, Peripheral Neuropathy. Temperatures, DVT. Urine bladder and bowels, Warfarin level, etc. The Fungal Lesion was explained in full, I only just stopped her having a look at it – that would have been mega-embarrassing for me. Hehehe! We discussed the PPs and the problems I’d been having.

Not too happy with the BP, when she looked at the readings log. Took a photo of it to take with her to the clinic, or whatever. Also, she took the notes of the wee-weeing colour etc. and the heavy-duty Throne activities with her. I always feel cared for after she’s been to see me. ♥

She checked the two Covid-19 vaccination papers details. I thanked her, and feeling so much better for her calling, off she shot to her next old biddy or middy. Ah, so sad to see her go! Sob!

Back to the Lockdown Advice, funny post creating. The odes took me a lot longer than anticipated, and it was getting late now, and the weariness was coming on, as it usually does at this time. So, I pressed on to get the blog finished of and posted it off to WordPress.

In case you wish to have a smile, here is the link: Inchies Lockdown Escape Advice.

As I was posting off, at long last, the graphic and ode funny (I hope) to WordPress, what a clatter of noise from above. I hope whoever is living where it came from are alright.

I found the latest Covid-19 figures locally.

They show new cases being done on the previous full week as being down 14.9%.

I’d forgot to put the photographs of the icy weather this morning on the blog, better late than never I suppose, so here they the be.

Bottom field, with the human footsteps imprinted on the shortcuts that had been taken.

The kitchenette window, as I opened it to take the pictures, wit the droplets showing as the dripped all over my bulging but wobbly belly.

The wet roads and the mist and drizzle gave an eerie aspect to this shot to Sherwood’s left view. The view reminded me of something, but what? I can’t remember.

I was getting another brew (Oh, the wee-wees have died down by the way!), and the landline burst forth, but I could not get to it in time. Back to the kitchen, and the mobile burst forth. It was Jenny, and we had a friendly little gossip, that was good of her to call me. I enjoyed that, thanks, Jenny. ♥

I made sure I had some bread, well baps, unfrozen ready to have ham rolls and tomatoes for nosh later on!

The landline rang and flashed one more. It was the Sherrington Park Medical Practice receptionist, the one with a good clear voice. Amazing, after finding out that was had booked and have to travel all that way to have the Covid-19 vaccinations, I find out I could have had it done at home!!!!!!

Funny that is, just the day after Deana made the appointments, I get the chance, which I can no longer accept, of having the injections done at home arranged by the Doctor! Then it changed to “We were just making sure your covered, being ‘a-high-risker’ That was that, I felt the opposite of what I did after seeing the nurse, and felt a little like I’d been fobbed off in some way. But I soon came round after the call. It’s not going to be easy, and it might be expensive if I have to get a taxi. But, weather permitting, at least if you have to get two buses, either way, I can manage it (he says hopefully). Haha!

I got the nosh, such as it was, prepared and on the plate and tray. So wearified now! No cooking involved, all cold stuff, but I did enjoy it, as I settled and watched a Tales of the unexpected episode, well, tow pf them, but I nodded off when the advertisements came on in the second one, waking up as the music started as it finished.

Zzzz!

Inchie’s Lockdown Escape Advice (To four holiday locations in a day) Oh, Yes!

Can one cope with the lockdown, and still get vacationing done?

The piccies and odes below, show how Inchcock managed this fete, feet, feat!

I started my wondering, my holiday,

The junk room I was in, so I did stay,

Watched video, although no BluRay,

I viewed episodes, of Red Dwarf and Stingray,

Had nibble of yoghourt, strawberry,

By gum it was nice, to escape as they say!

My next vacation, to the kitchen, it was untidy,

Washed my socks and blue beret,

I was content, not uptight or snidey,

In fact, I was moving well, not torpidly,

I was relaxed, my mind working unhurriedly,

So I left the messy scullery,

Then went on a tour of the balcony!

The windows let in the ice-like rain,

Leaving me wet, cold and  unhappy again,

Although stubbing my toe was a pain,

But this trip out wasn’t mundane,

The bleeding left me with a bloodstain,

My slippers’ll have to be cleaned again,

But my sense of humour I did retain,

Porcelain Throne, needed, that I must not retain,

I hope it passes easily and is not a painful strain!

My most used and popular room of them all,

A place where I’ve had many a fall,

Accifaupas, Whoopsiedangleplops I have in there,

Well above my fair-share,

The wet room, always something to hurt, scare or enthral

Good stuff too, to be fair,

Sometimes on the Throne, I see passings in freefall,

Others, with blockages, nothing moves, at all,

Yes, the seat seems to get heavy wear,

At times in there, there’s little fresh air,

Bleach & disinfectant I do share,

It’s a losing battle, but do I care?

Sometimes, I think I must be bilingual,

Frustrated, my language can be, erm… individual,

Naughty words used, I do declare,

When the flush doesn’t work, despair!

No wonder I’ve got no hair!

Then there’s the Sock-Glide in there,

Gives me many a nightmare,

It nips, pinches finger-ends, traps your finger hair,

Blood flows using it’s unfair,

It drives me, nearly nuclear…

””””””””””””

I had planned to visit the ground floor,

But the situation down there was desperate for sure,

Trying to find a way out, I stubbed my toe,

Perhaps later, I’ll give it another go?

Still, I mustn’t complain, though!

Written on the spur of the moment, I apologise!

Institutionalised Inchies Diary – Monday 1st February 2021

Our TFZer Angel, Gladys

Monday 1st February 2021

Maori: Mane 1st Pepuere 2021

02:35hrs: Yet another night of broken sleep patterns. Shame that! Still, needing a wee-wee, and the Vampire Nurse being due to remove my blood early today, I had to rise from the £300, second-hand, c1968, excrescent, horrendously-grungy, beige coloured, haemorrhoid-testing, unfit-for-use, recliner.

I caught my balance easily enough, and I made my way to the NWWB (Nocturnal-Wee-Wee Bucket), and painfully rid myself of about three eggcups full of wee-wee, with even more of the stubborn PMAD (Post-Micturition-After Dribbling) to cope with.

Relieving myself, I got a message from the EQ. It was not a clear one, but sort of mixed signals that didn’t warn me, but rather advised me to absorb what was coming along soon and analyse the situation and make a positive decision. Very vapid and vague, but that what was revealed to me?

I emptied and cleaned the overnight bucket, and hobbled to the kitchen, with Cartilage Cathy’s knee giving way a couple of times en route. I tried to link this with the EQ message, but am sure not connected.

I took the hanging to dry green quilt down from the coat hanger on the rail above the sink. And laid it on the server-trolley, in such a position, that the damp parts, top and bottom, were nearest the wall heater. Cunning eh? I’m mastering this, you know!

I did the Health Checks, starting with the dependable, trustworthy, Chinese manufactured Boot’s Sphygmomanometer.

The SYS had tumbled down to 145, the first time it’s been those low in many a month?

The made in Hong Kong, by the Chinese Harpin Xian Di company, and jolly reliable contactless battery-powered thermometer, looked close to turning into amber from green, showing the body-temperature of 37.2° Centigrade. 98.96° Fahrenheit.

An urgent summoning from the innards to the Porcelain Throne followed. So, I went to the wet room as instructed, without delay. Haha! A good job I did, too!

Only a bit nifty work in dropping everything and getting down on the seat saved an embarrassing situation from occurring! The evacuation started before I’d actually got my rear end settled! The PTDDSB (Porcelain-Throne-Daily-Domination-Stakes-Battle) was won hands down by Trotsky Terence this morning. Constipation Konrad was well beaten out of sight. And messy, it certainly was, the cleaning up afterwards took me ages. Made worse, by the cisterns inability to cope with the mass of the downloaded product.  The multiple refilling of the water tank, and my dropping the water jug, and more bending down to sort out the mess, surrounded by the pungent aroma, had me feeling rather drained, pained and mordacious! Tsk! Still, I didn’t mind. Ahem!

After being up for what felt like half a day, I finally got around to updating the Sunday (I do hate Sundays!) blog.

Blessedly, and amazingly, apart from Cartilage-Cathy (who did not affect the typing, only the concentration), and SSS Shuddering-Shoulder-Shirley frequently attacking; the other ailments were in a good mood with me. Which meant I got the blog updated in an efficient time scale. Smug-Mode-Adopted, and Smirking with swaying-head, and Satisfied-Smile, that gave way to blooming great laugh, breaking out, too!)

I posted off the IT diary, emailed the link, and went on Facebooking updating. Then went on the WordPress Reader, and answered some comments. I was getting a smidge, worried, with things going so well? I even got the jobs done in time, so no need to rush the ablutions before the nurse was due to,

I had over an hour, to get the shaving-shower etc. done! I put the computer in sleep mode (I wish I could that with me), and off to the wet room.

The teeth cleaning proved no bother! The shaving, only four dropsies, and only two tiny nocks that hardly bled at all!

The showering, well, was brilliant! Only two dropsies, no dizzies, no tumbles, no hitting into anything, Grrreat! Drying off, only the one dropsies; that was the towel – but it did so several times. Hehe!

The medicationalisationing went fair, too! The legs looked a little blotchy, but I think that was due to the lighting in the wet room.

I got some handwashing done and hung above the kitchen sink.

Then, a surprise, a wee-wee. It had been ages since I had one. Not that I wanted to have one, but the changes in the wee-weeing habits seem to change several times a day. Just thought I’d mention it.

I got the waste bags sorted out and stacked up on the trolley-walker in the hallway, with a box of recyclables on the top of the pile.

It’s going to be interesting getting that to the waste room chute. (For interesting, you may consider using ‘risky’. Haha! My plan was to take the small bags to deposit in the waste funnel, the not take the glass and recycling boxes on down to the caretaker Robert’s bins. Next, to call on Ballerina Warden Deana, and ask her to arrange the Covid-19 inoculation for me. A plan…me? Having a plan! Scary!

The intercom rang forth and flashed, and the angelic-looking mask of the Haematology Nurse appeared on the intercom screen. I admitted her and went to get a shirt on quickly because I didn’t want to scare her by making her look at my lardaceous, protruding wobbly-belly. Fairs, fair!

A cheery soul she was, efficient too. She soon had the blood taken, filled the missed-medications form in for me as well. As she was leaving, they are always in a rush. (That or want to get away as fast as possible from me for fear of catching something, Hahahaha!) I asked if she had children a hone, and she said yes, so I gave a boy and girls facemask from the ones I’d bought, mistakenly thinking they were adult ones (Waste not, want not). I’ll find someone today to give the others to.

I got the walker-trolley out into the lift lobby, and down to the far end to the waste-chute room. It was a close call, but UI got there without losing or dropping anything.

Put the nine small bags down the funnel, and I took the empty box back to the flat, then down with the nibble bags, full recycling box, Covid-19 letter and the other two facemasks. I sound almost organised today, don’t I? As I say, worrying innit? Worse with EQ’s cryptic message for the day.

Down in the lift, and met Doris, we fought our way through the lobby that was being done-up. Out and to the bin, left the bag of recyclables, no sign of Robert. Then I carried on to the Winwood Court and the warden’s, Obergruppenfürheress Deana,
Reichs Inspekteuress Julie interrogation office.

I handed the bag to Deana and begged her for help with the vaccination paperwork, she told me to sit down in the lobby, while she sorts the dates and times our for me, bless her cotton socks.

Mary was in the lobby, we chatted, but neither of were sure what the other one was saying, made worse by the facemasks.

This reminded me, and I inquired if anyone had kiddywinks at home, but no. Deana came out and said she has got me an appointment for the Covid-Vaccine giving, at 11:10 hrs on Friday 12th February, and the follow-up one on Saturday 1st May at the same time. Both at the Djanology School on Gregory Road near the Forest ground. Which will mean four buses, two, each way, or a taxi both ways on those days, my heads in a daze… She had written the dates down for me to put in my calendar, bless her cotton socks.

I asked if the foot-lady was still open, Deana said no, so that’s the end of my Friday appointment then, Humph!

I thanked her, and as I got outside, I thought I’d take a photo of the note with the times. Just in case I lost it. Ahem!

I walked along Chestnut Way back to the flats.

I met Robert on the way, and I put the glass jars that I’d forgot to do earlier, in the green glass bin. He had kids at home, so I gave him the camouflage and pink children’s facemasks, back up to the flat.

First thing, I put the date and times of the vaccine appointments into the Google Calendar.

Then I got the photos uploaded to CorelDraw to resize and sort them.

I made a brew of Glengettie, and I took this photo on the right, of Chestnut Walk below the flats.

Back to the computer, and updated this blog for a few hours.

Then got the Wax Clearer kit out that was delivered yesterday.

The instructions were far to small to read. I did a search for my magnifying glass, after half an hour or so, I gave up.

I took a photo of the English Translated instructions.

Then also gave up on understanding them, and I got the old soft-screw one out and used that.

A couple more hours updating, and I was feeling shattered, so gave up trying to do any more on the computer.

I made a tasty brew, Glengettie of course, and took the evening medications. (I fact, I found in the morning that I hadn’t imbibed them, when I found the pot of tablets stuck in the folds of my blubbery stomach, Tsk!)

Too tired for owt to eat. Washed and settle in the c1968 recliner, stayed awake to watch Tales of the unexpected, and part of a Kitchen Nightmare episode, and Sweet Morpheus took over at last. Thank heavens for that!

Itchy Inchies Diary, Friday 29th January 2021 – The Afternoon Nightmare!

♥ Brandy, Beef and Absynth… Worra gal! ♥

 Friday 29th January 2021

Zulu: NgoLwesihlanu Ngomhlaka 29 Januwari 2021

01:40hrs: I’d been waking up all through the night on and off, the actual sleep obtained might have been two-hours; in a few minutes here and there mode. My body clock told was on target as I shone the torch at the clock.

I began to fumble my way out of the £300, second-hand bought, c1968, sickeningly-beige-coloured, not-working, uncomfortable, rusty, rickety recliner, and as I was catching my balance, and eyeing up the distance to the NWWB (Nocturnal-Wee-Wee Bucket) I realised that I did not want, or need a wee-wee! Well, there’s a thing! It must be months since I’ve woken up and not had to go wee-weeing? Threw me out a bit at first. Hehehe!

Slightly non-plussed, I wandered into the kitchen and got the kettle on. Made a brew of Glengettie, and got the Health Checks gone. Things seemed all out of sync with me not wee-weeing, somehow.

The blood pressure was taken on the Boots Sphygmomanometer, manufactured by, ZDEAC (Zhongshan Daguan Electrical Appliance Company Ltd) in Guangdong, China. The SYS at 169.

The Chinese made by Shenzhen Relee Electronic & Technology Co. Ltd, contactless thermometer, sold by Amazon, gave a satisfactory reading of 36.7°c and showing in the green.

I took the morning medications, musing over whether I’d missed taking the Furesomide earlier, and that was why I didn’t need a leak?

I limped to the computer, got it booted up, and the innards insisted that I visit the Porcelain Throne, so I did! A delay in the actions starting again, so I had a go at the crossword puzzle that I was struggling with yesterday – I’m still struggling with it now. Hehe!

Constipation Kondrad was a winner this morning, he thrashed Trotsky Terence easily. I’ve missed the pain of passing torpedos lately, but they were back now. Gruellingly slow and butt-clenchingly hurtful! Then the main motion was followed by a wee-wee, that was of the RTV (Reluctant Tinkling Variety. It took that long, I had another crack at the crossword! Still didn’t get a single answer though!

The fetched the bucket emptied cleaned it and sanitised contact areas in the wet room. Back to the main junk room, I thought how cold it was, then realised I’d got the new so-called, Warm & Comfortable lounge pants that were delivered yesterday, on.  I was not impressed. 

I got the updating of the Thursday diary completed. The ailments were not too bad to me at all! Posted it off, and sent the email link. Then onto Facebook catching-up. Visited the WordPress Reader Section, and realised as I went to make a brew, all that work and time, and no more wee-weeing? Something amiss here? 

I made the brew, taking this kitchen view photograph as the light was just beginning to break the darkness. I checked the incoming Emails, mostly unsolicited.

Found the Coronavirus local figures, new cases down a bit more, but they are still coming, so let’s hope for the bestest!

Time to get the ablutions sorted out. Off to the wet room.

Blooming marvellous session! From going in, to coming out, I had only seven dropsies! Yes! And, there was nae bother with the teeth-cleaning.  Just one cut shaving! Fair enough the showering let me down a bit; one clout of the head when I dropped the loofah, and a toe-stubbing against the trolley wheel. Nasty one!

However, overall, a smashing session! Smug-Mode Adopted!

I’d accrued some new pot-marks and spots again, though, to join the one on the head yesterday. Tsk!

I got the waste bags made up and added them to the ones already in the bag on the walker-guide. And off to the waste-room.

A deliveryman was taking a new cooker into one of the flats at the other end of the lobby. I got into the chute room and deposited the many bags down the funnel. Injury and Accifauxpas free, too!

Back to the apartment, and went on CorelDraw to try and make a few graphics up for the upcoming templates. Still, unfortunately, at this time, Nicodemus’s Neurotransmitters started to fail and return. Still, I got a few done, took me far to many hours, though.

I was feeling a little drained mentally already today. Not Good! Decided to have a read of the NCH Magazine.

This did not last long, due to my nodding off, and having a dream I could have done very well without suffering… Hehehe! Taken from notes scribbled when I woke up, not many actual memories. So some are as confusing to me as well. Still, I thought worth mentioning for the reminders’ humour content: I was in heaven in a massive queue of applicants at St Peter’s gate…

All dressed in white – People in pink arrived, with facemasks on… they were those not killed by the Coronavirus and were separated and sent down different passages…

I was taken in a blue bubble – and told because I was not in the EU at the time of my demise, I’d have to pay a surcharge to get into Heaven – then they put my life on a monitor screen, gave me a button, and told me to press it each time I felt I’d done anything that I think would have please the Lord, left me to it … The monitor exploded, and it reminded me of when the beef pastie blew-up the other day…

I was in a giant pie, slowly cooking, I could smell the chilli… As the flesh began to melt and fall off of the bones, oddly not bothering me… I woke up in a hospital bed of sorts, but I was chained in it, and electrified barbed-wire circled the cubicle? At the end of the ward, a nurse was sat behind a machine gun next, covering us all.

That is all I could decipher from my scribbled notes. (I had to guess at some words) It really annoyed me that I could not decipher the last sentence on the notepad. Humph!

I woke, in need of a rare-today, wee-wee. Wrote the notes, and had a weak-unwilling wee-wee.

I noticed how cold the new Amazon sold lounge pants were. I was a little disappointed. Be fine for Summer, I suppose, but not February.  Brrr! I bought these because they said Soft & Warm. Fibbers!

I discerned that the model they used had remarkable similarities to my physical attributes. (Ahem!) The only slight differences being; He is taller, younger, more muscular, flat-bellied, had hair on his head and chest, and was more attractive to women.

I got the meal prepped and served up—a little better this time. The minced beef was not so fatty. The meatballs were grand tasting, the potatoes okay, the last of the leeks and onion were tasty enough. I got the chilli-flavouring right for once, too. I defrosted the wholemeal deli rolls from the freezer to soak the gravy up, they were decent enough—flavour rating: 7/10.

Washed the saucepan and slow-cooker, and left the pots and cutlery to soak in the sink. Down in the recliner, and had the longest sleep, unfortunately, a broken-often one, that I’ve had for a while.

ZZZ!

Irritated Inchies Diary, Tuesday 26th January 2021

The TFZer Trio – performing! Hahaha!

Tuesday 26th January 2021

Wales: Dydd Mawrth 26ain Ionawr 2021

Last night at kip downtime; I lasted a few minutes watching a programme and nodded off into sweet bliss. Unfortunately, I kept waking up so often I wondered what the heck was happening? Each time I shot awake, I pondered, and got back to sleep easily enough? Only for it happen again repeatedly. This went on for hours and hours… So aggravating!

04:10hrs: Another jumping awake, this time with a loathsome need for a wee-wee, so I dragged my body from the recliner, caught my balance, and had to nip rather smartly to the NWWB (Nocturnal-Wee-Wee Bucket), getting there in a panic time-wise.

Oh, heckithump! I dropped the jammie-bottoms and tore off the PPs in haste, and felt the dried blood crack and flow along with the wee-weeing. It hurt as well! I hobbled hastily to the wet room, to tend to things and stop the bleeding from Little Inchies fungal lesion.

No time to investigate the wound though, for I needed to utilise the Porcelain Throne. (Or at least I thought I did!) But everything was solid and not moving. I had a go at the crossword book, but it became apparent that the expected evacuation would not start. I rose from the Throne and got the lesion looked at. A bad do!

I reckon it must have been bleeding most of the time overnight. It was possibly the cause of me waking up so often, but I was so tired that I didn’t recognise the problem? I had to have a good clean-up and a hurtful medicationing session. (Sob!) The jammie bottoms were put ready for washing later, I put fresh PPs on, cleaned the floor and body, and in a bit of a daze now, I went to get the Health Checks done, and medications were taken.

The SYS had tumbled down to 158, DIA 77, Pulse at a steady 89.

The ever-reliable Chinese made by Shenzhen Relee Electronic & Technology Co. Ltd, contactless thermometer, was again in the green, at 36.8°c. I forgot to take the tablets and went to get the kettle on. Salted the potatoes, sliced some mushrooms, and got them on low in the crock-pot.

I took this terrible photo from the kitchenette window as the kettle boiled, then I made a super-strong mug of Glengettie tea. And with using the newly bought Cravendale full milk, it tasted superb! Even when I put a little too much in the mug, it still tasted fine. The morning tablets were at last imbibed. I noticed that the outside temperature was -4°c!

I got on the computer, and I made a start on updating the Monday diary. But not for long.

The need for the porcelain Throne arose, and I revisited the wet room. Fingers crossed, I settled on the seat for the session to start… but no! I availed myself of the crossword book, and waited, not wanting to force the action, for it to begin.

Five minutes or so later, the motion was still stubbornly sticking with three clues having been solved. Another bash at the crosswording, then I bravely exerted as much pressure as I dare, and things moved, but in slow-motion. I distinctly remember giving out a few muffled ‘Aerarghhhs!’ as the action started, it continued even more slowly, but without any input from me, so that saved me a bit of uncomfortableness, at least. The pain relief as a dollop of mini-meat balls filled the bowl, plop-plopping, was very welcome!

A few seconds to recover my equipollence, and I investigated the evacuated product. Obviously, this PTDDSB (Porcelain Throne-Daily-Domination-Stakes-Battle) was an easy victory for Constipation Konrad. (Trotsky Terence was well beaten) Not messy at all, and bafflingly, Harolds Haemorrhoids were not hurting or bleeding. I was not complaining about that – for the fungal lesion was doing enough haemorrhaging to be going on with! I cleaned things up, and medicationing was carried out. The pain could not be described as agony, to be fair, perhaps purgatory will do. Argh!

A very tender Inchcock, literally this time, washed and got back to the computer. Things were more intolerable, by the fact that the flipping PMAD (Post-Micturition-After Dribbling) kept me worrying that it may be the lesion bleeding? I went to put a pad on, inside the PPs. Messy, but safer and far less messy if things do kick-off again. When I got back and sat down, SSS (Shuddering Shoulder-Shirley) started off at me. Just when I began typing! Worra life, innit?

The wee-weeing was testing my nerves each time, they were all followed with the PMAD, and there were tiny specs, signs of escaping blood on the pad as well. I didn’t feel very confident about this.

I struggled through and got the updating done on Monday’s IT. Posted the blog off. Emailed the links, Pinterested some photos, and then went on the Facebooking.

I put the kettle on and had a look at the day’s weather forecast locally.

At least it looks like it’ll get a little warmer later on.

By gum and golly! I just knocked the pencil off of the computer desk… and caught it with the only hand available, my disabled right one! Fantastic! How I did it, I’ve no idea!

Well, its hours later than usual, four at least, but I’m going to get the ablutions done. Back in a while. I got sidetracked on my plans again, and I got the trousers and shirt washed that had been bloodied, and wee’d on my earlier Whoopsiedangleplop and Accifauxpas. (Hehe!)

I got them done, wrung and hung above the sink. To drip dry.

Off to the wet room Well, I’ve been doing exceptionally well in ablution duties for days now, so, I can’t complain. Here is the run-down of how it went:

👍 The teeth cleaning was done carefully, not bad at all.

👍👎 The shaving, thanks mainly to SSS, was a bloody affair. But it could have been worse, six cuts, yes, but none serious! They all stopped on their own!

👍 The showering, well, as I pulled the curtain back, a hook dropped off of the rail. A simple job, you’d think? Not in my condition Hehehe! I tried to get it back on with the shirt picker-upperer, but it was impossible.

👎 So, I fetched the step ladders and mounted as high as I dare, and I faffled about for ages, but I was pretty chuffed when it eventually went in the ring. Hurrah!

👎 Getting down from the steps… it had to happen… I lost my balance and ended up with a scraped ankle on the aluminium tread on the ladder on my way to the floor. Hey-ho!

👍 👎 The showering went fine, although I did give the shoulder a bang on the grab rail when retrieving the dropped shower gel bottle. But it didn’t matter, because SSS was already shaking me about, which did not make her any worse than she was!

👎After spraying and medicating, that went better than I thought it would, I turned to get the trews on, and I knocked the crossword book off of the floor cabinet. The book struck at the top, but the pen went down the back onto the floor. Thank heavens for Jenny’s short picker-upperer, it did the job alright.

👍 I was cautious in leaving the wet room, and I ensured no colliding with any hard surfaces with any body parts. Like the door frame!

I went to check on the hanging hand washing, and I noticed that the humidity had gone down again. I think Tim Price was right about it going up the other day due to my leaving the hot water tap running.

Then I went to check out the mushrooms and potatoes in the crockpot…

Only to find that I had not turned the electricity on to it!

I’m beginning to worry about myself! Hehe! I moved them into a normal saucepan and let it come to the boil, making sure I turned it down onto a low heat, to simmer, hopefully in time for the meal. Tsk!

Finally, I got back to the computer to do some updating on this blog.

After an hour or so, the weariness was beginning to dawn again, so I made a brew of Thompsons Punjana tea, and planned what to have for today’s nosh. I checked the mushrooms and potatoes and turned them up a tad to hasten them in cooking.

The meal consisted of; milk-roll bread beef sarnies: fried crispy onions, tomatoes, mushrooms, terribly weak, expensive cheese portions, and potatoes.

Taste Rating:7/10.

Sleep was reluctant, Thought storms plagued me up.

Inchcocks, (Long, sorry about that) Diary, for Monday 25th January 2021

♥ New Member Henny – You’re so Welcome! ♥

The Whitechapel Whelk Editor

Monday 25th January 2021

Irish: Dé Luain 25 Eanáir 2021

01:30hrs: The flipping ‘Hum’ was giving it some when I stirred back into imitation life. I’d managed about three hours, so it could have been worse – I stayed up late (for me) to watch a football match on the telly. I wasn’t stood on the TV, you understand! Hahaha!

I dismounted from the c1968 recliner, caught my balance, and utilised the NWWB (Nocturnal-Wee-Wee Bucket), taking a  UTD (Unwilling-Trickling-Dribbling) variety wee-wee, that the same as yesterdays first effort, had a lot of PMAD (Post-Micturition-After Dribbling) I had to wait for ages to finish. The main event, and the after-dribble together, would probably not have filled two eggcups! Taking a wee-wee, without wonderous expectations and puzzling results, are the norm now. Normal bodily functions are quondam. One visit this happens, the next it’s a painful torrent then, a trickling marathon... talk about variety!

I tackled the Health Checks next. Starting with the Boots Sphygmomanometer. That is manufactured by ZDEAC (Zhongshan Daguan Electrical Appliance Company Ltd) in Guangdong, China. SYS and dia are a bit high again, Tsk!

The made-in Hong Kong, Chinese Harpin Xian Di contactless thermometer, showed another in the green reading, of 36.5°c.

Then as I put the kettle on, I espied the moon was out, high in the sky.

I did my best to get a decent photo of it. But had little success at it. I tried taking it in various limited mode available on the little Canon camera, but Nicodemus’s Neurotransmitters stopped me every time!

I hung out of the light & view-blocking, thick-framed kitchen window, and took several blind shots because if I’d leant out any further to see what I was photographing, I might have ended up out on the Chestnut Walk myself. Hehehe! I wasn’t too displeased with the second picture.

I took the medications, and I got the computer going to update yesterday’s blog. Apart from some Nicodemus failures making things difficult typing wise, the other ailments were all so good!

Posted it off, went on the WordPress Reader section, comments and Pinterested a few shots. Then went on Facebooking, unsure if anyone was getting the posts or not.

As I readied myself to sort the Calendars, must, don’t want, have-to and belated checks, I noticed how well the bruise near the knuckle was healing. A couple of new scratches had appeared on the wrist and back of the hand? Nowt even approaching serious, though.

The Google Calendar was working again, why it stopped beats me. A busy week ahead already.

I got sidetracked and went on the BBC Sports site to see all of the football results. I had a funny thought, as I read about this result on the right. Manager of Genoa to news reporter: “An easy win, it was Genoa bother at all!” I’m losing it again.

Off to get the Ablutions done early, with the Iceland and Amazon-Morrison being due to arrive first thing.

Oh, and the Snyder’s Ham Mustard and Onion broken Pretzel pieces. At least I think they are pretzels? Huh! I’ve just seen Pretzel Pieces on this photo. Quick, I am not – Keen, not a lot, – Saccades is the blot – I think my brain is shot!

As I got inside the wet room, and it couldn’t have been better timed, even if unplanned, there I was less than two feet away from the Porcelain Throne… when the evacuation began of its own accord! I whipped down the jammie-bottoms and PPs, and plonked my overly-stomached body down on the seat without a second to spare! Harold’s Haemorrhoids paid the price with pain! Then, I wondered if the torpedo would ever end… ‘Blimus I thought’, this whale will block up the whole system!

To my utter amazement, there was only the tiniest bit of bleeding, no mess, and the dumped dollop disappeared from view with one flush! I’m using up all my good luck for the day, I think! Possible the week!

I got the teeth done, again without any undue pain from the molars!

The shaving resulted in only two tiny-little hardly-worth mentioning nicks!

The medicationalisationing, even Cartilage Cathy and Harolds Haemorrhoids were nowhere near as painful as they usually would be!

The drying and freshening up went fine!

I think I must have unknowingly adopted a self-satisfied Smug-Mode because…

As I swanked out of the room to get dressed, I had my worst ever collision with the door frame! I nearly knocked myself backwards! But I stayed on my feet.

I think that Doctor Flewitt could be spot on when he suggested that DCE Developmental Coordination Disorder, or dyspraxia, could be affecting me. Course since then, the Peripheral Neuropathy and Stroke have not helped any, I can’t blame the Diabetes as well. Hehe! (Can I?)

Anyroad-up; by the time,e I regained my balance and finished swearing and spitting, BPB (Back-Pain-Brenda) and Reflux Roger were both going full-tilt at the Inchcock pain-offering department.

The bottom lip protruded and wriggled a smidge. Well, it’s always worse when something like this happens after a run of good luck, as the ablutions going so well!

I got the blue Made in Myanmar (Burmese), zip-up jacket on, to fend off the cold, and did the handwashing of the made in China, Cedar Wood Hollow-out Round Neck Acrylic Sweater. I got it done rung and hung!

The moon was tormenting me to try again to get a decent photographicalisation of it. I had three or four tries, but BPB had been joined by SSS Shuddering-Shoulder-Shirley in assaulting me on and off, more on than off! Another fine mess of things made, this was the best one I could manage. Sorry about that!

Back to the computer and started, well I opened it, this blog, and the Intercom burst forth and flashed.

It was the Iceland man who cometh (Hehe!) with six bags of nosh for me. He gently threw them down into the hallway for me.

He seemed in a rush, but I insisted on his having a can of Vodka mixer as a thank you. Bade him good luck and to take care in the snow and ice, off he popped.

I heaved the bags into the kitchen, and as I was doing so, I got a message on mobile. I investigated it, and in doing so get another message come in. The first one from Iceland informed me of just two items unavailable on this order. Only two? That was an improvement, thanks, Iceland.

The second was from either Morrisons or Amazon, ah! Amazon indicating the tracker code or address, or whatever you call it.

I got the things stored away, and came across a packet of what should have been fresh Chilli Chicken breast slices, but was Tikka Chicken Breast slices.

Possibly (or more likely) an error on my behalf, I expect. But the packet was frozen solid? Had only three days Eat-before date on the front.

Can I safely eat it when it’s been defrosted? All the writing on the packet indicated it was a fresh (Not Frozen) product? Anyone know, please tell me, thanks.

I got the mushrooms in the slow-cooker with some leeks, potatoes. Added some sea-salt and vegetable Oxo cubes, on a low setting. As I was putting them in, I wasn’t really concentrating, I do a lot that, not concentrating lately, and realised that the ‘fresh’ button mushrooms were also frozen! What’s going on?

Time for a rest, at last, made a brew of Glengettie.

The morning hue was blue, and with the snow covering photographing it I just had to do.

I went out into the balcony to try and get some better shots to view.

The windows would not open at all, they were frozen through! So, back to the kitchenette to see what I could view.

Opened the icicled frosty window, and knocked down yesterdays hand-washing, hanging from the broken, no longer working curtain rails. Picking them up, just annoyed BPB and CC Cathy’s Cartilage.

The sky had now got a tinge of pink on the horizon, compared to ten minutes ago. Beautiful! So worthy of photographing. Glad I did, it didn’t last for long.

I gathered the waste bins in the box on top of the trolley-guide, then collected the glass and jars for recycling. And pondered over what to do if Morrisons do have the loaves of bread and cobs that I have ordered? There was not enough room in the freezer to put them into it? After musing over this predicament for a while, I decided to get rid of some foods from the freezer, as the bread is important (If they arrive) of course.

I rang Caretaker Robert to see if he had a freezer on sight, he said no. Told me to ring Deana, she has one and might have room to take the food. So, I did! They can take some, but she was uncertain if the load I was freeing might be too much. If so, they can be given away to someone in the flats to make use of. She said she would come and collect them later.

I got back on updating this post at long last, but did none of it, as the Amazon shopper sent a message telling me he would be here in minutes! I got myself into a bit of a flap now! Would the driver know where I was? If I went down to take the rubbish to the bins, would I miss the driver’s arrival? I risked getting down to meet him straight away.

Down in the lift ASAP, and met Robert again. The foyer is still being worked in, and of course no heating. I took the bottles out to the glass bin. And the ice nearly had me over, the walking stick was a hindrance in the snow and ice more than an aid.

The shopper man arrived when I was going back inside (Great timing!)

Up we went to the flat, and the chap popped the bags inside the door for me, then need proof of my age. A bit humorous at my age, being asked if I was eighteen, I was 58 years ago! Hehehe! 

I took the things through to the kitchen, and I found all the loaves of bread etc. had been delivered! I now needed to make room in the freezer properly. I decided to take the waste bags to the chute, then I loaded the two big carriers onto the box, and decided to take it to Winwood court.

I didn’t take the camera with me, I so wish I had, though. I got out, and into the snow and ice, the trolley got stuck, the trolley and box toppled over as I tried to get it back on course… A reet mess I was in! I

I was rescued by Dean! Humph! I did feel a fool! She took the carriers and walked me back to the flats. Not happy at my trying to walk out in this weather! ♥ Oh, dearie me!

I got back indoors, and I made sure the bread all fitted properly in the freezer. Just! Despite the cock-ups and wrong decisions that I’d made, I now felt calmer and more at ease with things. Having some bread in helped! I plan to make some ham sarnies later, best butter, tomatoes the mushroom and potatoes with them, and a dessert of my choice, I now have a choice of four, different ones in stock. Smug-Mode-Adopted!

Oh, I forgot, Jane rang while I was sorting the freezer out, but she gave up[ trying to get my attention. I thought I’d ring her back, so I did! We had a great natter and chinwag, Pete was doing well. Things were getting brighter… she mentioned something, that reminded me, I had to ring the Doctors about the possibility of a subcutaneous Coronavirus injection. Rudely I said I’d email them now, while it was fresh in my lapsidasicle mind. She understood what I was saying, bless her.

I made up an email, which took me a long time to get how I wanted it to sound. I was moderately happy with it, and I sent it off.

The weariness began to fall on me now. I will have to wait until the Amazon delivered Pretzels arrive before getting anything to eat, else I may fall asleep while waiting. Best laid plans, eh?

My mind is vagarious, to say the least, but an iota of contentment is lingering in there somewhere.

I must stay awake. He says with a smile.

The Amazon ETA for the Pretzels is getting later & later. This is not doing my temper, faith, prospects of staying awake, or suicidal tendencies any good at all! The Amazon tracker, the lorry, hasn’t moved fro over two hours? Still, with the weather, it can’t be helped!

I had a look at the local YourArea Emagazine. Coronavirus figures are not good, but better than of late, fingers crossed in hopes.

The Amazon lorry is close now! Five drops away, the Amazon tracker now says. Belated hope for nosh and sleep yet. Hehehe!

I went down to the front door as the Amazon tracker turned to a local road view and saw the van was outside the flats! On the way out of the door to go down, the chap arrived with the box of Pretzel pieces. I slipped him a can of Vodka and lemonade by way of thanking him, and he shot off, with my masked voice thanking him again.

I opened the box and took a packet out, and put them in a plastic lidded pot, ready to try out after eating. They were apparently a right mix of bit, from dust to some chunks from different products that had broken off during the cooking process, I resisted nibbling any yet.

I opened a 2-litre bottle of spring water, had a good guzzle, and added some orange cordial to the bottle, just a drop, and tool it into the main junk/computer room, for my nocturnal guzzling.

I got the nosh served up, snd it turned out a cracking decent one. A good mix, fancy cheese blocks, Gorgeous pork and mushroom pate, potatoes, mushrooms (not so good), chicken Tikka, mini caramelised onion pork pies, tomatoes (Morrocan, pretty tasteless), some thin-sliced Milk Roll buttered bread, and a lemon dessert, the pot of Pretzels on the ottoman. The mushrooms and tomatoes let it down, but still a taste rating of 7/10.

It was now five hours beyond my usual head-down time. I got the pots washed, and settled to watch a documentary about, erm… what was it? Not that it matters much. Ah, it was Nightmare Kitchens!

I started nibbling the Snyders of Hanover honey mustard & onion pretzel pieces – delicious! In fact, Grrreat!

I lasted a few minutes watching the programme and nodded of in sweet bliss. Unfortunately, I kept making up so often I wondered what the heck was happening? Each time I shot awake, I pondered, and got back to sleep easily enough? Only for it happen again repeatedly. So aggravating!

Innavigable Inchcocks Diary, Sunday 24th January 2021

♫ Heaven, I’m in heaven…♫

‘In the event of more none-events, eventually, something must evolve!

Sunday 24th January 2021

Welsh: Dydd Sul 24ain Ionawr 2021

00:15hrs: I woke to the smell of burnt food yesterday when the pastie exploded in the oven! Tsk!

As I was fumbling my way out of the second-hand, c1968, recliner, the noise from the damned ‘Hum’ began to get on my wick already! When up and caught my balance, the almost regulatory visit to the bucket was needed. It turned out to be another unwilling, reluctant wee-wee, but gallons of PMAD (Post-Micturition-After Dribbling) to cope with. Hey-Ho!

I took the medications (Last nights that I’d forgotten), made a mug of Glengettie, and I remembered the Sainsbury order was due today, twixt 06:30 > 07:30hrs. My EQ gave me a laugh! No words, hints or indications. Hmm!

Then got on with the updating of yesterdays diary. It took me over four hours! Due to the ailments, I found it hard to keep on kilter, concentrate and many errors, and much time pondering why I cannot remember things. This was not good, it felt a smidge like my brain was full and needed a good defragging.

Still, I got there in the end, and I posted the blog off to WordPress. Emailed the link, Pinterested a couple of photos. Visited the WordPress Reader section, and then on with Facebooking. It appears I have been banned for 30 days. Something I posted did not meet their terms and conditions. Well, it had to happen!

I had a good read of the WP comments and answered them all, well, both. Josie’s meal to do later, not sure I’ll be up to it, but I anticipate feeling better later on.

I had a stand-up bath of sorts. All went well. Toothache Thomas was kind to me. Only one little nick shaving, no more than six dropsies, no Balance-Loss-Leslie or Dizzy Dennis. BPB (Back-Pain-Brenda) and SSS (Shuddering-Shoulder-Shirley) were the only ailments really active. Even Harold’s Haemorrhoids were calmish.

As I was filling the sink ready to get the handwashing sorted out, I think I must have had a visit from the Mysteries of Woodthorpe Court, with the hobgoblins, spectres, gnomai, phantasms, ghost, succubuses, the grotesque succubae, extraterrestrials, ectoplasms, or the Fata Morganas, that have been sent to taunt, irritate and terminate my already limited saneness of mind? And they were arriving up the sink waste-pipe! No idea what caused the cloudiness and plug jumping out?

I cleared the blockage with Free-It liquid and got the clothes in the sink to soak.

Got the Health Checks done. Pleased again with the temperature, it was in the green. Then got the Chinese manufactured Boot’s Sphygmomanometer. It might be sneaking back up, but still. It’s been low for a few days now.

I had a bit of job with the handwashing. Turkish made Socks, Korean jammie-bottoms and the manufactured in Myanmar (Burmese), zip-up jacket. I think I spent longer cleaning up[ the spilt water than dong the handwashing! Still, all is done, wrung and hung up drying now.

Back to the computer, and fond an email come from Jenny. She said she had the small crock-pot and would swap it for my too big a one. She also has a kettle I can have. Bless her!

An email came in from Sainsbury’s, no bread being delivered, no substitutes as I opted for not having any. I suppose with it being a Sunday, and so early in the day, I can accept this without moaning. Grumph! Last time when they substituted for my breast, the sent pikelets?!?  Then they sent the wrong size PPs! So, I stopped the substitutes. You, (Well, me), can’t win, can yer? That doesn’t make sense?

So, now I have no bread at all! Not allowed out to go to the shops! So I went on Amazon to see if I was allowed a Morrison delivered by Amazon order again yet. Luckily I was, and I got an order in for tomorrow! Of course, if there is any bread on it is the question. The choice is limited on these Amazon food deliveries, but by gum they are quick! With a hopper collecting and delivering, he might pick betterer substitutes? Or not!

I cleared the rubbish bags out of the box on the walker, to use it for the food coming without carrier bags from Sainsbury’s. (Without any bread too!)

I left them in the hallway corner because it’s far too early to take them yet, to the waste chute.

Off to make a brew, Co-op 99 this time. Not as good as Glengettie, but then again, no other tea I’ve ever tasted is as tasty as the Welsh brew.Took this shot of the morning’s view from the kitchen.

The Sainsbury bloke came at 07:20hrs. He put the things in a box and a carrier for me, nice of him. At least there was no bread to get crushed, although he did manage to squash the cream cake, and break some pretzels for me. I’ve ordered some more from Morrisons for tomorrow – and of course, I’m praying that the bread will come. I’m getting withdrawal symptoms here! Hahaha!

I got the none foods sorted out. Not a lot of them this time!

Just look at the state of this tine of Chilli-Con-Carne they delivered! Swine! Crapheads! Scumballs! Animals! Gits!...

Sorry, I nearly got carried away there! I can’t see any reason for me being sarcastic… Oh, yes, I can!

Sourdough Bread subbed my pikelets? A 90p tin of Chilli subbed with a £2.29 tin!  Leaking bottles delivered, and now a crushed health hazard can! Not to mention an order being three hours late, my phoning them and get a recorded message, part-of which said; ‘You can rest assured that it the delivery is delayed for any reason, we will contact you to inform you!’ Eventually, nearly five hours late the order arrived – the van had broken down – but rest assured as I assuredly did, no one contacted me! Still, it can’t be helped! Huh!

I got the waste bags back in and on the trolley-guide.

Do you see those odd-looking things on the left of the top picture? In case you’ve forgotten what they are: They are jackets and coats… You remember, we used to put them on in winter when we went out, before Coronavirus and the lockdown! Hehehe! I think they could do with some moth-balls and freshener on them, it’s that long since I’ve actually worn any! Grumph!

I got the trolley-guide and bags to the waste-Chute room. I was wobbling a bit en route and back to the flat.

Both ankles were hurting, the toes stinging and, for some unknown reason, I was feeling a bit giddy without any cause for feeling a bit giddy! Haha! I’m pleased, nae, proud to report a total lack of injuries, whoopsiedangleplops or Accifauxpas on this little expedition to the rubbish chute. Smug-Mode-Engaged! I think it was because yesterdays head-clouting us still fresh in my mind – there’s not much else in there today!

As if to prove my point about being all confused today, when I got back to the flat, Jenny had been up and left the kettle and crock-pot outside my door for me. I investigated, but I found the slow-cooker was even bigger than the one I was already getting rid of for being too large for me. I rang Jenny to explain. I thanked her, saying I  would return it in a while.

I gathered the crock-pot and added some treats in another bag, and got myself a little lost again as to what I was doing. I can’t multitask nowadays since the stroke. I popped the things down and left them outside Jenny’s door. Came back up to the apartment and got the kettle on.

I made a start prepping the cheesy potatoes feast for Josie. Added some leaks as chives, butter and sea salt with the masses of red Leicester cheese.

I noticed that the carrier with the bar of Frank’s favourite chocolate, and some other bits inside it, meant for Nora and Jenny, was still there on the server tray? What had I done now! I could not find the kettle Jenny had left me. Had I took it back to Jen’s? Had I put it down the waste chute? Oh, dearie me! I popped down with the treats bag, and I returned all confused with myself. I rang Jenny again, but am not sure what we agreed on or said.

To help clear my head, I opened the window to take some photos of the snow.

By gum, it was cold out there!

The light snow was being blown about, and of course, lots came in as the wind changed! (I’m such a lucky so-and-so!)

I had to clean the floor afterwards. Which did not please BPB at all.

Time to get Josie’s meal served up. Some Baby Belles, a can of Pimms, two well in date pots of dessert added to the tray. I tried a spoon or two of the cheesy spuds and even impressed myself, they tasted very morish. Of to Josies, dead on time, as usual, she was going out to the bin.

She just seems to forget every Sunday. Hehehe! Bless Here!

Still, she seemed happy enough with the meal.

I had an extended period on this blog.

Weariness-William arrived. The brain was getting a little muddled, but that is par for the daily routine nowadays.

Got the nosh started; Chillie Con Carne, added leeks, red peppers and garden peas.

Doing an Iceland order, I rang Jenny about the Iceland brand minced beef she said was tasty and not fatty. On the site were five different ones, she soon had me sorted on which one to get. With them being on offer, 4 for £10, she agreed to share them, they are coming on Wednesday.

The snow started flaking again as I prepped the meal. The local lads were out with their sledges, folks walking their dogs in this view I took, took me back reminiscing. Was it really all those years ago when it was me out there, totally unbothered by the weather or health problems?

I found the lost yesterday, bread thins – I’d put them in the medical draw! Aha! I thought, bread to have with the Chillie, Hurrah! I opened the half-pack and found I might have been wrong about the Thins being the ones lost yesterday, after all. They had a ‘Use-By’ date of December the something. So, no bread for the Chillie, then. Humph!

I served up the nosh! One of my best, and tastiest CCC’s ever! I’d added some potatoes with having no bread. It was a smidge too hot pepper-wise, but I really did enjoy this one, a reet-treat! Flavour Rating given was 9/10!

Put the pots to soak in the sink bowl. I got the Heartbeat DVD on again, then as I put the TV on, I realised the BBC showed the Man Utd v Liverpool Cup match, so I watched that instead. Not a good choice; The wrong team won, it made me so late in getting to sleep and ruined my nocturnal rejuvenating rest! As for getting into the land of Nod, Huh!

The mind showed signs of ecdemomania, refusing to stop, rattling on worrying about things at random. Thus getting to sleep proved difficult, by the time I nodded off, it was almost my usual getting up time! Gragglespitgurgle! 

Recalcitrant Inchcock: Saturday 23rd January 2021 Diary

TFZer, at her holiday home

Saturday 23rd January 2021

Welsh: Dydd Sadwrn 23ain Ionawr 2021

23:50hrs: I woke to Thought Storms that must have been in a dream because they were very active straight away. Fears, concerns, anxious concerns that came and went for ages.

I needed a wee-wee shortly, and after getting IP from the recliner, catching my balance and getting to the NWWB (Nocturnal-Wee-Wee Bucket), I found it nearly full! Still, there was no rush, things didn’t feel urgent. I took the bucket with me to the wet room, used the WC, for a WDWW (Weak-Dribbling-Wee-Wee) and cleaned and disinfected the bucket. While doing this, I thought I could smell burning, and remembered yesterdays incinerated Chilli-Con-Carne in the pan.

I’d left it soaking, and went to investigate to see if anything was salvageable. Amazingly, the last few bits of fodder came off quickly? And the saucepan was usable again! Made a brew, and took the morning medications.

Going to get the computer on to get the Templates started, and I returned to the wet room, to us the Porcelain Throne. Constipation Konrad was thrashed by Trotsky Terence in this mornings DESB (Daily-Evacuation-Stakes-Battle). What a messy affair! Much refilling of the tank, before the great-dollop of evacuated product, was cleared.

Back to the computer and the now gone cold mug of Glengettie, and made a start on finishing off yesterdays diary. It was hard work again, with interruptions from SSS (Shuddering-Shoulder-Shirley). Got it done, posted off, and Pinterested a few photos.

I made up a template for today. Then went onto Facebooking catch-up. The WordPress Reader section next and emailed the link.

I then tried to get the advance Templates done. This was even more frustrating, cause Nicodemus’s Neurotransmitters kept going off-line, and causing me to make many errors and mistakes, many not noticed at first, and I had to keep going back top check earlier work done. Confusing, innit? I persevered…

Sixteen-hours after getting up. I got the temp[lates finished! I’d cream-crackered now.

The scribbled notes and few photos I took will help me remember bits, in the morning… he says hopefully. It may be a little muddled, though!

I turned off the computer to allow it to cool down a smidge, I went to do the ablutions.

I can’t recall things much because when I got around to updating this, it was 22 hours later. I’ll do me bestest. The knees before and legs after the shower were photographed.

I made a brew of Glengettie and restarted the computer. It might have been a mistake turning it off, cause now the internet was slower than ever, and CorelDraw kept playing up and needed restarting frequently.

Mistakes were being made in the Template creations, and much time was lost going back after finding a mistake to correct it. I expect many cock-ups will still have been missed.

Hours later, I got increasingly frustrated with mu wrongdoings, cocking things up, and forgetting, rechecking… Not good! I went to make another brew and took these photographs of the snow shower. The wind was blowing the light snow in all directions, but the shots I took some through the window, a lot of snow came into the room! Haha!

The templating was returned to, and I persisted for several more hours until the need for the Porcelain Throne arrived. Off I poddled

‘Never, in the field of human ablutionisationing have I had such a massive evacuation!’ Much bleeding.

I opened MS Word to find one I needed from my ‘Future Use’ dictionary, and the bloody layout had changed on its own again!

I lost an hour or more trying to get it back to how I wanted it. But had to make do, as it was beyond me this new layout.

It was a slow slog getting the templates all done. If it wasn’t MS Word, CorelDraw or the Internet being incredibly sluggish, there was problem delaying me all day! It wrangled me so much, Duodenal Donald kicked-off.

The snow fell again. A slight covering and the wind with it was more violent now.

I decided to make another brew and take some more photographs. But was not going to make the same mistake as in the earlier shoot – I took all of these pictures through the window.

I tried using the Nikon camera, but it was beyond salvation.

I’ve not had a good day, really.

Eventually, I got the templates done – I’m too tired to double-check them at the moment. No doubt whatsoever that many errors will be found when I do get around to checking them.

I got a pastie put in the oven warming, and the CCC and meatballs, with added sliced capsicum, in the saucepan, I was determined not to burn it this time.

I returned and turned off the computer. I was wrecked mentally. All the things that went wrong, the time lost, and I didn’t mention the wee-weeing, did I – it was repetitive!

  : I heard a thud, or loud, dull plop like sound, that had come from the kitchen area. Panic-Mode-Engaged, I hastened to have a look at what had happened. It had to be something severe or dangerous if I heard the noise without the hearing aids in?

A fresh burning smell welcomed me as I got in the kitchen.

Oh, dearie me! After a few seconds in Sherlock Holmesian Mode, I found that the beef pastie in the oven had exploded! The minced beef, onion, gravy and pastry was glued to the door and all over the stove! Crying was one option! On the bright side, the place smelt like the old roadside cafes used to! Hehehe! 

I scraped off as much of the gunk as I could. Then got the Cif oven cleaner spray, and did my best (failing miserably) to get the oven and door cleaned. I even remembered to keep stirring the Chillie-Con-Carne, as I tried to clean the oven, so the saucepan wouldn’t burn!

There was no repeated muttering, spitting out of the terrible parentage-questioning word. Bile growing in the stomach. Depression, or feeling sorry for myself, at all.

I got the other remaining pastie from the fridge then dropped it in the white plastic eating-bowl (dare not use the oven again). Then poured the pan full of CCC over it. Well, another surprise, no sooner had I buried the pie with the CCC, it expanded and came to the top of the mixture, and burst open?!?! My puzzlement knew no bounds!

Then, I went to get the half-packet of brown bread thins, from where I just knew I’d left it… But no, it wasn’t there! I was sure I’d saved it in the bread bin, thinking at the time, how well it had worked out, having some for this feast, and with Sainsbury’s order due in the morning? (Although, of course, they may not send any, or might send a can of Turpentine as one of their infamous substitutes). The search had to be curtailed before the meal got too cold.

Despite the horrible, frustrating, failure-ridden day it’s been, the meal went down a treat! Flavour rating, 8.2/10! I put the basin etc. in the bowl to soak overnight.

I grabbed the next in line ‘Heartbeat’ DVD from the box and got it playing.

I was happily viewing away, and a thought came to me. (ideas do that sometimes, not very often, mind) Did I drop the bread thins down between the chairs last night? Oh, course, I had to get my body manipulated in such a position that I could shine the wind-up torch down into the darkness to look for any signs of the bread… Why, now that I’d eaten the meal is a mystery?

BPB (Back-Pain-Brenda) twinged, and has been painful ever since… of course, there was no bread down there!

♫ Fings, ain’t wot they used to be!♫