Inchcock’s Local New Snippets – Issue 33⅓rd

Discuss the case? Pal of Putin?

So, you stab someone in the middle of the day,
Then walk cursing, but casually away…
You get arrested, to your complete dismay,
Charged with a bladed weapon, they say…
They may also charge you with causing an affray.
And you’re released on bail the same day?
What is all this futile legal foppery?

So, a fine will be nothing; she gets £76,500+ a year,
Expenses on top, bet she’s not feeling toeier!
Coming out of court, she looked full of cheer?
Perhaps she’s going to see the judge for a beer?

Oddlimost, no name of the arrested personage. I can’t see one for the victim, either. This is not going to be a straightforward case!

Robbing, hitting in the face, for chocolates, never?
Is he a Putin spy working undercover?
No permanent home, so a bit of a rover?
He doesn’t look thick, but clever?
Likely he’s a cunning conniver…
He should’ve gotten a job and become an achiever!
Instead of getting himself into all that bovver…
No job involving a hammer, knife or screwdriver!
Perhaps in jail, he’ll train to be a basket weaver?
Or find Christ, and become a believer?
Then he just might stop being a skiver?

The man may have been telling the truth at a whim,
But somehow, I feel a little sympathy for him…
His Mrs giving a verbal onslaught to Darren,
He felt depressed, feeling sick to the brim…
He escaped her nagging, if only for a minim…
And the police went a gorrim!

Drunk or not, he should not have been carrying a knife – that should have been five years for the scumball in a proper prison on its own! Four years in a young offenders’ institution? Pathetic! He’s capable of getting drunk and threatening a woman and child with a knife. A coward, although he no doubts believes he’s not.

Mr Woodall knew alleged killer Campbell through his stepsons Kieran and Joshua – with the three men meeting while they served jail terms at HMP Birmingham. All defendants lived in Nottingham. Mr Heywood added. Mr Woodall lived ‘like a hermit’ on the industrial estate, where he had been renting a unit for about 14 years. The three murder-accused men answered no comment during their police interviews, jurors have been told. McGhee gave officers a prepared statement in which he said: “I have no knowledge of the attack on Carl Woodall and played no part in any attack upon him. I’m not responsible for his death or assaulting him. I do not know who he is.”

Tongue-in-cheek response



Judge Gregory QC: “It will be a prison sentence, of course,”
Vitoldas Platakis, who showed not a sign of remorse…
Killed Valdamara Zemaitiene, not intending to, of course…
They were partners, so there could be no divorce…
He battered her many times, as a matter of course…
He suggested they were having intercourse?
Unintentionally killed her… my arse!.

I’d have liked to win a £260 Amazon gift card…
Thinking I might win one day, I was blinkered…
Freeing oneself from defeat can be awkward,
Success for me is like custard and mustard…
I used to think before my life was completed…
Just once, that failure be temporarily deleted,
If I was to have a win, I would be riveted!
Anyway, my hopes and prayers were not answered!
So now my wishes, not placated, I vacated…
The world of dreams lies ruined and splattered…
But not winning owt, I refuse to be angered,
I can now work on getting other hopes decluttered!


Released while an investigation takes place…
A man who carries a knife, the law, is in a malaise…
Freed, no danger… what if he stabs and slays?
A lot of stabbings in Nottingham; I’m amazed,
Attacking an eighty-year-old? It dismays…
I hope he gets a good fine and serves 5000 days!


TTFNski, each!

Inchcocks Local News Snippets – Issue 44⅘ths

Mud Gorning

I’d just like to explain to you what happened. I thought I’d try it in odes, but after writing the poem below and reading it, that was maybe not such a good idea. So, I’ll tell yers, abarght wot happened:

Ocado had no ~Heinz burgers in stock again, so I ordered some frozen ones from Iceland to try. Which I did and got them cooked for the suggested length of time. And them to some baked beans in the bowl…

Not one of my des photographicalisations, I grant you. On top of the beans are the two ‘NoBull’ veggieburgers. They didn’t taste anywhere as lovely as the Heinz ones, but beggars can’t be choosers. I git into them and dipped the sourdough bread in the baked seasoned beans; I thought all was very passable… An odd choice of words, considering what was to follow…

This morning, I stirred around 04:00hrs, and a sort of gurgling from my innards caught my attention. No sooner had I got to my feet to catch my balance than it became clear that I needed to make way to the wet room and Porcelain Throne as a matter of some urgency. Which I did.

The evacuated torpedo was a little softer, although a lot larger than yesterday’s, but still not messy… painful, yes! Things needed a little cleaning up, and I used the Germolene on my rear end.

Back out and to the kitchen, tittivated around the kitchenette sink area, and made a brew of Thompson Punjana tea. I went back to the front room and got the computer on… And needed to hasten back to the Porcelain Throne again. ♫It’s not unusual to pass twice ♫ for me. I was surprised when I got down on the seat; the speed and splattering sound as the mish-mash landed. A lot of cleaning up was needed this time. Washed and back to the computer.

An hour later, session three was taken. Very watery, stinky and a lot of it. Where was it coming from? Why?

Another hour and trip number four was then needed. This time, embarrassment and shame… As I was whipping down the trousers, things started of their own accord and all (nearly) liquid! What a mess!!!

The morning carer arrived, and I hoped she could smell nothing; she didn’t say owt anyway, bless her. As she left, call number five started; I was not hesitating at all, and stubbed my toe, then hit my shoulder on the door to the wet room in my haste going in. I barely made it in time. At least there was not so much of it by now; there can’t be anything left there?

An hour or so later, I found there was something left in there, all liquid. There’s something oddly disturbing about sitting there expecting a torpedo, and all one can hear is liquid shooting into the water.

Summoning number six had a bit of body, and there was much less evacuated. Also, some of the real stuff (brown… well, no, more khaki, really, trickled out – so new PPs were used again. More cleaning and medicating, and back to the computer.

Number seven was short but not sweet! The splattering of some mud had to be cleaned up, and Germolening of the poor painful piles!

The last one, number eight (an hour ago), was noisy and back to the liquid format?  Since then, no signs of the Throne being needed, but the wee-weeing has gone crazy suddenly?

Sorry, I just needed to tell someone.


To listen to the radio, I need a headphone…
Can’t hear anyone when they speak on the phone,
I’m passing wind, sounds like a trombone?
The innards are churning like it was a battle zone…
Then came my first visit to the Porcelain Throne…

It was reluctant, the torpedo as hard as a stone!
Seven hours later, I need a medical arbiter…
Eight more visits, nine in total, stomach still aflutter!
The last two evacuated more as water…
My bum is sore, daren’t eat… I’ve felt a lot better…
It brewing inside again; will it ever settle?
So, should I snuff it and die, lackaday!

Remember veggie-burgers, and stay away…
Resist eating them; I ate two NoBull ones yesterday…
I shan’t be eating anymore anyway…
Pain and queasy feelings of dismay,
I may get over it, I dare say, someway…
But I do feel grotty and giddy,
Now there are bouts of going dizzy…
I’ll do my best to press on anyway,
I’ve the door wide open for a quick getaway…
Crap-it, I need another one, instantly…

Was that the ninth or tenth? I flowed cruelly…
Far less this time, or am I getting delusory?
Or should word have been delusionally?
I feel hungry but dare not try owt gastronomically!
More food, make affects the innards to react harmfully?
Making me rush to the Throne more frantically?
I feel lethargic; the knees feel like jelly?
Surely the shits like these will be temporary?

I said this ten craps ago,
What to do? I don’t know…
I’m bent forward, really low,
Must look like Quasimodo?
I speak, it sounds like Esperanto?
Even my thoughts are akimbo…
Is it safe to eat dry bread or sourdough?

The Trotskies seem like they’ve lasted for an eternity?
They could drive me back to drinking whisky…
Oh, better not, with the stomach so empty…
I’m in pain, and dizzy, aching… no, really!
Each evacuation today has shown consistency…
I pray the next one will not show urgency…
Or I’ll have to make a long-distance delivery – Hehehe!


Treating it as a hate crime? Why? Yes, it is a hate crime, but why draw attention to it? Unless the scumbags can be prosecuted to a greater degree for hate crimes than any other, I’m all for it!

Another hate crime? What’s going on? I hope the poor devils coming to the UK, running from Putin’s bullies, don’t get such a welcome!

I assume from the facts as I read last week that Nottingham has more students pro-rater than any other City. Indeed, that has been taken into consideration… or has it?

Same comment as above?

So, virtually attempting to murder police officers, endangering members of the public, and he gets 12 months in prison? Grrr! The namby-pamby legal system is no deterrent at all. He’ll likely still get his drugs and booze sneaked in by his friends…

I wonder if Russia can offer them any jobs?

That should be knife found, another cock-up!

I am not complaining about Van Der Merwe getting a decent sentence, but so should Barrass! Four years and eight months. I concur with this sharp sentence. But why do attempted murderers and the Barrass above get one year for trying to kill police officers and putting the lives of the innocent at risk? Not to mention his drug offences, stabbing, firearms and woman battering qualities?

Price must be laughing his head off! 18 Months of Community order? What’s that, then? 80hrs of unpaid work?

A bit embarrassing that!

Parole Board members… don’t forget to give him full remission!


If it’s true, fair enough!

Well done to the private group who caught him!

Angeringly sad.

Bit of decent speedy job done there by the police!

Keeping my determination not to win!


Trust is something we do all the time without thinking. Doctors (Harold Shipman), Nurses (Beverley Allitt), and policemen (Wayne Couzens) are professionals that we rely on, trust! We can guarantee that the Parole Board will release convicted murderers to kill again! The facts are, we can never know for sure…

Ending on a personal note…

I’ve found the legend for the local postcode crime map.

Pink: Theft from a person
Dark Pink: Shoplifting
Dark Grey: Vehicle Crime
Light Grey: Violence & Sexual Offence
Light Green: Other crime
Dark Green: Drugs
Mid Blue: Antisocial
Light Blue: Bicycle theft
Orange: Burglary
Mustard: Possession of a weapon
Teal: Public order
Greeny-Blue: Public order.

Bearing in mind along with the Cataracts, Glaucoma, and Saccades, I also have achromatopsia (colour blindness), my choice of colours may not be of much help. Tsk!

A lot less crime in my area this time. But I know that the youths breaking into my flat did not make it onto the map? How many others are missing?

Local News Snippets – Part 4⅔rds

Local News Snippets – Part 4⅔rds

Last week’s Snippets – Part 4⅔rd,
Crimes committed by the criminal herd?
Murders, knifings, muggings… occurred,
Are sentences being suspended and deferred?
The end of public safety… read my words…

It’s started, the crumbling of morality…
Violent crimes are committed daily & nightly!
Such offences are falling, apparently?
Methinks the Government say this, lyingly!
Crime figures are given with a certain mendacity…

Repeatedly freeing killers early, to murder again,
And yet, so many people do not complain?
The average proletariat shows some disdain,
I’m known locally as a harmless lamebrain…
Who is generally a softy and relatively humane,
Who voted in Brexit to remain…
Now violent crime is sending me to Novocaine!

This young man, is our hopes for the future?

Crime reducing in Nottingham, we were told…
Now multiple murders every week, behold!
The figures are hidden, those unsolved…
Reported crimes are down… down?
That brings on a furrowed brow…
Little faith left in the legal system now!

Four months, suspended for twelve months, and 15 days of rehabilitation activities? Oh, good!.

Then I found this report…

I’m getting confused here…

Bestest ever try… still no cigar…

Link: Unsolved Nottingham Murders

The Nottingham Lads Local News Snippet Series

Local News Snippets: With Ode Comments, Part 11⅛th

Local News Snippets
With Ode Comments
Part 11⅛th

Nottinghamshire News

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

How many more people are the Government and Parole Boards going to get murdered? Why are the namby-pamby, battling for prisoners-rights, pathetic parole board members getting it wrong and freeing so many killers? Why do killers have so many rights? Other than to get to use the gallows, they should have none!

On March 9, 1950, a young Welshman living in London was sentenced to death for one of the worst crimes imaginable – the brutal murder of his wife and young child. After a whistle-stop trial lasting just three days, Timothy Evans was convicted and subsequently executed for the murder of his wife Beryl and 14-month-od daughter Geraldine. So, again, who was to blame?

And they do – REPEATEDLY!

Following the unmasking of Christie, a campaign led by many prominent journalists and newspapers sought to highlight what they said was a miscarriage of justice. Still, two official inquiries ordered by the Home Office found nothing wrong. The first, led by John Scott Henderson QC, upheld Evans’ conviction, concluding that Christie’s confession of murdering Beryl Evans was unreliable because it was made to support his defence that he was insane. The second, chaired by High Court judge Sir Daniel Brabin, found it was “more probable than not” that Evans murdered his wife and that he did not murder his daughter – contrary to the prosecution case in the original trial. Yet still, they get things wrong! Jailed ‘for life’ (Hahaha!), but freed to kill again: Shocking new data reveals that 149 criminals have joined the ranks of ‘double-lifers’ over the last ten years to kill again! Our legal systems gang of rich misfits are guilty themselves yet once more.

No wonder freed killers don’t target judges, lawyers or parole officers!

I wonder what would happen if they catch the scumball?
His lawyer will claim he’s going demential?
He took a pain pill once, and now he’s hooked on Ketamine Special?
His ten past convictions have only been financial?
He’s a Covid doctor and must keep his job; it’s essential?
An Auntie touched his knee; his emotions were conflictual?
He got raped by a male cat; unsure if he’s homosexual?
His teachers forced him to play football?
All he wanted was to be an intellectual?
Hit his head, twixt right and wrong are not recognisable?

Conning the judge? Easy, malleable, manageable, and manipulable!
The barrister tells him his clients’ past crimes are nullifiable…
He admits to this charge, for it is not deniable…
Really my client is the one who is pitiable…
He’s not stabbed or raped anyone for weeks; surely that’s praisable?
His motives were not malignant or questionable…
Although his actions he now finds regrettable…
Would a case of Glenfiddich 1937 be acceptable?

A potential trial in September?
Nothing about our legal system is certain,
Then October, maybe even November?
The judge has to break for tea and a frangipane,
Or not at all, unless the judge can keep sober…

And how long before this pair of shits is free again?
By the look of them, their dink must be high-octane…
They don’t look respectable or humane…
They ought to be stuck on top of a weathervane…
I’d sentence them both to an overdose of lidocaine…
I bet the soft judge sentencing, he’ll maintain…
While locked up, they cannot to innocents give pain…
They’ll be out, molesting, hurting and raping again!

An eighteen-year-old attacks five… Holy shit!
Hands and arms of officers and guards he bit?
Well, you can’t say he has no drive and spirit?
Every officer took some form of a kick or hit…
One guard thinks the lad broke a digit?
It took five of them to get him in the car, then the git…
Another officer got kicked on the chin; Gawdamit!
I hope the police carried a haematocrit!

Good heavens, what next! The Black Death?

A fifteen-year sentence?
With an 8-year extended licence?
Eh! What’s all this nonsense?
Chicanery or maybe ambivalence?
Hope it’s not the judges’ munificence?
I looked it up; it proves this judge has sentience!
The additional term in the nick… With I hope, quiescence!
To keep people safe from his concupiscence!
Fancy a judge showing some prospicience!

Looks decent to me?

Well, dang my eye, a conflicting report?
The changing figures seem a little distort…
One set gives fears, the other one comfort?
Still, I’m going to get myself all fraught…
I’ll chew on my bar of strawberry noughat!

What a dodgy looking set of villains!

Elizabeth Dodds, prosecuting, said the steroids, a class C drug, were worth between £90 and £120 on the outside, but in jail, the value increased tenfold up to £1,200. When questioned, Kirkland – who has 139 offences to her name, mainly for shoplifting – announced: “It was just tobacco.” Hahaha!

Alternative accommodation to be found?
Somewhere mayhaps snowbound or icebound?
Somewhere suitable six-foot underground?
Where food has to be begged for or scrounged?
Where freedom again will never be tasted or found!

Well, I’m back to my usual on the find three-houses competition,
Not that this encourages any mardiness or derision!
I never expected to win, although that would be a sensation!
If I was to win anything, I’d lose my identification…
As the unluckiest person in the world, in any Nation…
I’ve not won owt for donkey years; I’ve lost the motivation!

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Late Snippet

13 and 12 months. Do they look like they’re bothered? No wonder I have no faith in the future. There will be more and more violence – and fewer and fewer deterrents.

The End Is Nigh!

Ah, well! I’d berra get summat to eat then.

Local News Snippets – Part 12⅗ths

Local News Snippets

Whoever did this, is the lowest scumball,
With no morals, decency or pride at all!
Humanities decline is continual,
They are without care and principal…
Shamefully these crimes are not unusual…
Nor in London, Leeds, Manchester and Walsall,
Yet, no worse than many politicians in Whitehall!

What? She’s drunk a bottle of Baccardi!
Should have stuck with tea, safer, you see?
Or stuck to massaging just the man’s knee!
I wonder if she offered him an apology?
58-years old she acted rather adolescently,
Should have known better, putting it bluntly,
I think she really should have consulted me!

Cor blimey, an increase in cases, well blow me!
We are not yet from Covid, going to be free!
Caused by the citizens’ recent complacency…
Going back in shops without masks, crapulently!
And nightclubs, get-togethers, restaurants too!
But that’s just jealousy… things that I can’t do!

Well, these two scumbags will test the jurisprudence!
They are totally unaware, of the harm and despair…
Concerned on where their next fix comes hence!
The harm caused to innocent victims? They do not care!
They’ll ignore help offered of rejuvenescence…
Their next needle or drink, in the dustbin they share!
The young, old, weak are all targets – so be aware!

The poor things have sunken low with flatulence…
Are in need of help really, through their indigence…
They get the drug money, through grandiloquence…
But mostly muggings old folk, and belligerence!
Letting them of lightly, has proved its idempotence…
Satisfying me, of their existence, nature of feculence!

The poor bus driver, need a number-two, he decided…
So, off to the only one in town, he was riveted!
Closed down, vandalised since he last visited!
This left him nonplussed and he fidgetted…
Can a nasty-underpants accident be thwarted?
It frit him a few times when he farted…
The Council can be so cold-hearted!

Serious Comment from Inchcock
This scares me, now I’m in the early stages of Vascular Dementia, I’m getting nervous. After getting Peripheral Neuropathy, then having the stroke, the hospital had to send me to a ‘Home’ for three weeks, before I could be sent back to my flat. Some of the things I saw there and had to endure was frightening, and that Nottingham Council Home, had a good H&S rating! Eventually, I suppose it will have to come to this… it’ll be worse next time, with the Cataracts not being seen to, the Glaucoma and right eye Saccades will all have to be done after the Cataracts. Each Cataract could take, according to the NHS site up to 48 weeks waiting time, and I have both eyes to be treated! And cannot have another eye test and new spectacles until they have all been treated successfully. With Vascular Dementia Doreen getting a better grip on me slowly, I worry

Nice to see 3-years for his female accompanist,
19 years for Jake, the young scum murderist?
But let’s not get too happy and alarmist…
It’s not long enough for this adiaphorist,
Whoever gave this sentence, a good few years were missed!

A least they caught him, of that I am pleased…
He’ll likely be out in ten years, for that I am pissed!
A life term should be that… or is there summat I’ve missed?
Murderers’ sentences should be increased!

Far too early they are freed…
So many of them to kill again indeed!
No deterrent, no hardships to intercede!
They should be fed on carrots and swede…

If they behave… on grilled meat flies they can feed!
Do the killers no harm to be ravished…
Then they can have their toenails revarnished?
Get exercise from a velocipede…
Do their own washing, clean up after they’ve pee’d…

Well, well, another Nottingham Murder!
There are lots of murders for a Wearsider,
To some areas, it’s a matter of pride!
Like in Liverpool, London and Tynesider
Not in for a resident Togolander…
But far less than for a Thailander,
Sorry, I’ve started to meander…
Back to the Local murders, makes me shudder,
Stabbings and shootings, locally we are a titleholder,
More murders than anywhere in England… Per Capita!
Two, within a mile; I’m getting scarederer!

As a rule, all 3 Green Houses are usually missed,
I expect this, I’m not lucky if you get my grist…
From doing this game, I can’t resist…
This week’s record of hits each day, well if you insist…
0,0,1,0.1, yet hitting two in five days; I was impressed…
I’m feeling rather pleased and chuffed!

Inchcock’s Local News Snippets – Part 691⅑

A bit close for comfort this one,

We’ll Start with some BBC Midland News shots that I took with the Canon Camera while fighting off sleep watching the TV

You’ll notice my cock-up here, I suppose? Well, I nodded off for a few seconds and it moved onto National news… Tsk!

This is worrying news. Although I’m no Royalist, the Queen has gone through so much lately. Hope she’s going on alright.

And why have they printed Sherwood in a different font and colour, I ask? Are we the highest area of Nottinghamshire for Covid infections? I’ll do some investigationing here… Back soon…

Oh, it seems we are the second-worst, in Nottinghamshire, and Nottingham the worst in the country.

According to another page on the same magazine, Nottingham is 32.5% down vs last week? Mind you, I keep hearing that someone here at the flats has gone down with it. Mmm?

You’ll be pleased to know, that my record at getting close to a win on the find the three houses competition, is still safe. Humph!

Ah, Nottingham will get it now, if this forecast is right, we’re smack in the middle of the blue!.

Aha, a bit of news about what Nottingham is good at – Crime!


My fears for the youth of today,
Even those studying, academically,
Those on drugs, acting absurdly,
Using weapons, even hairspray…
With no care for others, empathy…
Back in the day, I could have been me!
But we can’t deny, there’s a moral decay…
Too many are acting aggressively,
Me, me, me… greed and banality…
But even I should be examined really…
Psychologically and clinicopathologically!


I stay worried for the next generation, criminologically,
I don’t want to talk of them disdainfully…
But when they act so disgracefully, antagonistically…
Do you ever see a teenager nowadays, looking bashfully?
Mostly they act leery and bombastically…

It the few who have manners and good nature,
Prepared to work in manufacturing or agriculture…
To earn a living, to give others pain a suture!
Not expect things for free, think crime, no bother!
They deserve a much better future…
I pray they can become caring, and uncouther…
Avoid the urge to shoplift, become a druggie and loafer!
Have a kid, and make him her into a goffer!


The lock-Down, get the blame for many a thing,
Lawyers mitigate this, over knifings and shop-lifting,
Arson, stealing, mugging, fighting, and brawling…
GBH, supplying of drugs, even dangerous driving…
It’s likely that some solicitor blames it for farting!


It’s had its fair share of crime, had this tram stop,
In the 1890s it was the original tram stop…
I remember when it was a Trolleybus stop,
Then back to an omnibus stop…
Now its become a criminal-loving tram stop

At this bus stop, I fell off a trolleybus, did a belly flop…
The reason as I recall was beer… more than a drop,
In those days I was an addict, a drunken sop!
So it didn’t hurt, got up feeling right tip-top…
And bought some Guinness from a nearby shop!

Years later at this bus stop, I wasn’t feeling well, I’d got the flu,
Getting on the bus, missed the platform, what a hullabaloo!
Conductors in those days, in fact, he was my nephew…
A big cheery lad, he laughed so much did Stew…
He said; If I want a laugh, I can rely on you!


When did cowardly replace guts in folks?
Fights used to be one on one twixt blokes?
Fists alone, and a handshake after…
Begrudgingly, but forgot about later,
No guns, knives or roving gangs were seen…
Being a coward, on fighting, I’m not so keen…
Any action, you’ll see me fleeing!.


A warning of a third storm coming today, Franklin!
But is this warning, just bumfuzzling?
Some are saying it came from Beijing,
But that’s just silly gossiping,
Many places had it a lot worse, with flooding,
So that’s enough of my caterwauling!!

This below is so sad. I’ll stop…


Rest In Peace

Inchcock Today: Local News Snippets – Part 11¼

Inchcock Today: Local News Snippets – Part 11¼

Made this graphicalisation for a bit of a laugh… well laugh then!

On with the genuine stuff then…

The driver was three times over the drink-drive limit,
Carted off to the station, gave him tea and a biscuit,
His licence he will no doubt temporarily disinherit?
His fourth-time drink driving – Goddammit!
He should have had just one alcohol-free gin and tonic!

Came from Birmingham for a night out?
We’ve already got many a local lout…
Imported turds we can do without…
Did he come to do a burglary or knockabout?
Ahmed Kalif, shouldn’t he be tea-total and devout?
But Christian, church, kids also need to keep an eye out…
Especially with the boy-liking Vicars lurking about!

Cockroaches, beetles? To be fair…
Didn’t they find some once at the Mayfair,
The big posh one, in Leicester Square?
Hong Kong restaurant, they found cat food there!
And Harrods’, they found maggots in an armchair…
Still, they let him stay open; that’s extremely fair…
There’s some logic in these actions… somewhere!

A year, suspended sentencing from Mcadam, it’s nowt!
The sentence deciding Mcadam is the bigger lout!
What made him so weak and chicken out?
I bet the lady is now scared and will freak out…
Maybe it’s the same pub in which they both hang out?
Both of them are alcoholics?… well, I have some doubt!

On a lighter note, my luck’s still out!

Well, effective sentencing is something new…
And well and truly, cheer-making, although overdue,
To the judge, I feel the need to say thank you…
Ah, I reread this, tried in Derby, you see…
Had it been Nottingham, they’d likely have walked free!.

Drunken Animal!

Ah, a new Coronavirus overview…
But figure one can easily misconstrue,
Are they genuine, real, untainted, true?
At least they claim the virus is lessening; phew!.

So, the police have £360,000 worth of cannabis accrued,
By a cunning tip-off, that should be reviewed…
I think it is cheaper and less hullabaloo…
For competing gangs to split on another, it’s true…
Then arrange to attack them… when the police will do?

Scum of the planet, beyond humanity and saving,
What can be done to tame these shits needs probing,
They survive on our fear, robbing, stabbing, thieving!
These animals, beyond any respect, acquiescing!
No good the gallows, or electrocution reintroducing,
Or corporal punished embracing…
They can’t lose in my experience,
But on them both, I wouldn’t mind peeing!

Still not enough for potential murderers, though,
They’ll all be out in a few years, so…
They’ll be buying more guns and ammo…
They’re all empathically dead, fallow…
Full of greed and bullying mojo!


Cost of supermarket staples up 8% in a year across Asda, Morrisons, Sainsbury’s and Tesco

Just thought I’d end with a bit of good news!

Inchcock Diary & Local News Snippets Part 32⅔

Breaking News!

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Inchcocks Diary Wednesday 9th February 2022

Around 03:10hrs, I woke for the umpteenth time – I urgently needed to utilise the Porcelain Throne. Again, as I got up quickly, Dizzy Dennis visited me, but I didn’t fall back into the rickety recliner this morning. That must have pleased Harold’s Haemorrhoids; it did me, that Germoloid Cream is not cheap, you know!) However, I stubbed my right big toe on the doorframe going into the wet room… Which is better than clouting my shoulder on the doorframe!

Unfortunately, the evacuation was another loose, splotchy, messy affair. But not as bad as yesterday morning. I withheld going into a Smug-Mode, all the same.

Back to the main room. And as I got some clothes on, I chatted with my family, of fun furries. (Sweetly supplied my HRH Lisa, in the USA♥). They and even I seemed in a decent mood for once.

I got the kettle on and went to do the sphygmomanometerisationing, etc. The temperature first came out at 34.4°c. 93.92°f. I checked on Mr Google, who told me: “Hypothermia is a dangerous drop in body temperature below 35C (average body temperature is around 37°c). It’s a medical emergency that needs to be treated in the hospital! I really can’t understand this? I’ve been in the 34°c areas for over a week now, but no Health personnel have said anything? I wonder if I’ve got it wrong somehow? Hey-Ho! Confusion Conrad with me again. Did the Blood Pressure next. SYS 151, Dia 73 and Pulse 68. I’ll check these on the NHS site. Back in a bit…

Message back: A blood pressure reading of 151/73 indicates Stage 1 Hypertension (high blood pressure). Well, the Doctor knows about this, whether she’s bothered or not, I don’t know. I’m on tablets for high BP… I’ll check again… I found it; the Ramipril is for BP; should I take an extra one… or not? Oh, dearie me! One day last week, my BP MedPhorpainwas 171/65, but I didn’t feel poorly. The last thing I need is another stroke. Mind you, I’m not all the tickled pink with losing my eyesight and teeth. The hearing is virtually gone, anyway. Innit a life! I olive-oiled the ear-holes. Phorpain gelled the knees.

But I refused to wash or medicate Little Inchies fungal lesion with the darned, Oh sp painful Daktacort. This obviously is because it’s as disheartening as owt I’ve had! And my being a namby-pamby sissy, left it until later. Tsk!

I nearly made a cock-up, and took one of the capsules from Amazon that Esther said help you sleep better. They work for her brother, I think she told me. I got two bottles, one for Carer Richard, who mentioned when I told him of my waking up at night lately that he is suffering the same thing. But we must not take any in the morning, just at night to help us stay nodded-off! Har-har! Nice to be able to help out with him being a good lad.

I made a start on finishing yesterdays blog and got it done eventually. Then tried to make an order for J. Sainsbury’s. But the system was down again. Humph! Had to use Iceland. Ultra limited choice and crazy substitutions are their forte.

Started the template graphics for today’s post, and “Oh, Susana” chimed away as Carer Richard came in! The poor lad had his leg collapse on him last night, get strain and bruising. But, I cheered him up a smidgeon by giving him his CBD Hemp tablets I’d bought for us both to try. A tube of pain gel for his leg. A bottle of spring water, an Easter egg, and a can of plonk. He definitely left happier than he arrived; bless him. Don’t think I’ll see him until the following Monday now.

Richard departed sooner than Herbert kicked off with his tapping and banging. On and off all morning, but not too bad.

I got the kettle on and went back into the balcony to see the end car park parking. As near as I could tell, it looked just like yesterdays snap did? Have I made another cock-up. Whoopsiedangleplop or error? Yes, there is a difference twixt these maladies. Haha!

Back to the kitchen, I made a brew of Glengettie tea and had four chocolate biscuits with it at the computer as I pressed on, slowly getting the blog prepared. I made the top graphic for Bill and Lisa. I hope they like it. Oh, and took this photo above of the dank morning view.

I hope it doesn’t rain and make walking difficult for Richard with his leg – mind you, it would be more difficult perambulating without it. Hehehe! I am a fool!

Good heavens! Where’s the time gone to? It’s 14:00hrs already!

Better make a start on the Local news section then…!

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Animals! Back in a bit, but not happy with the first Snippet at all. Better have a perusal of the YourArea newsletter and get a few graphicalisations to use…

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I am really pissed off with myself now!

I got a rattling shake from Peripheral Pete as I was typing… the keyboard was knocked to the floor via the waste bin. I retrieved it after a while, and the shaking stopped…

Norton had taken over the Google Home page… I’d lost the favourites bar from the screen, and somehow, Gawd knows what I did in those few uncontrollable seconds, but I lost access to WordPress altogether! To make things worse, I had to go for the Porcelain Throne session again… with bleeding as well that had to be sorted – all the time worrying about the computer mess I’d made. Then I hit of all things, my chin on the grab bar rushing to get out of the wet room…To find the History folder had opened up…

When I got back to the computer, I could have cried… in fact I think I did a bit. Anger, self-recriminations, frustrations and a feeling of utter worthlessness enfolded every part of me, mental and physical!

How I avoided becoming a gibbering wreck needs looking into. Well, I didn’t avoid it altogether. Then, I struggled to work out what I had done to get into such a pickle.

It took me a good three hours to get the favourites and font listing back – all trial and error. I found the courage to try things I would usually avoid for fear of destroying something, not the foggiest what I was doing, but my managing getting those two things back was a miracle! Now, I have no Google, but I can access Firefox, and the most fantastic thing, is I now have hundreds of unwanted fonts appearing from somewhere? And they have slowed down the whole computer!

I got a green window come up, and again, I had no idea what it meant; it seemed in part code? Then after a good five minutes, it disappeared from the screen?

The greatest farce, I use the word farce, because I was panicking a lot and had no idea what it was I might have done right, but I now have WordPress back… hang on, I might not have… I’ll have to find out by closing and rebooting I think… It allowed me to save and close everything… Oh please, please, PLEASE, let it open; here goes…

I may be fretting over nothing, but it did let me reboot.

I’ve had the same opening screen saver for weeks now… a new one came up, with the genuine but different photo of me?

The VPN had to be reset or restarted. (Norton).

But I’ve calmed down tremendously now I’ve got back on WordPress. Phew! The tons of fonts are still on. They won’t let me delete them. I’ve got a… Shit my potatoes in the oven… They are relatively well done now.

The Carer will be due soon, I’ve had nowt to eat yet, and I am suddenly so hungry.

Packing in on the computer now. I’ll try to catch up in the morning, feeling a bit nervy now, better get the nosh sorted.

I took this sky view photo while getting the nosh sorted out. Unique cloud formations that look like ridges in the fabric of the sky? Could it be the exhaust from alien invaders spaceships? Hehe!

Again, not a fancy meal, but more than adequate for an old Nottinghamian with vascular dementia, a high heart rate, and losing the plot. Sea salt and butter on the potatoes, the gorgeous podded garden peas from Kenya. Brown, yellow and red mini-tomatoes (All tastier than I thought they may be). A small BBQ burger, a pot of yoghourt. Deserved Taste Rating: 8.6/10! Nothing like being precise? Har-har!

A bit of luxury, then. I put the TV on to watch a football match while eating the meal on the tray, balancing on my bulbous, adipose, abdominous, wobbly, far-too-large stomach.

I fell asleep for the last ten minutes of the game. Then started the search to recover the lost bits of the meal, primarily peas, from the areas they had managed to hide themselves in. Some, in open view (Using the torch anyway).

I hobbled to put the light on so I could see things, unknowingly crunching several peas that had rolled on the carpet en route. Two of which squelched in between my toes and were a painful devil to get at to remove.

Two or three had found their way into the dressing gown pocket. Several in the fleshy folds of the tummy rolls. Some underneath the cushions on the recliner. A few on the side chair used by the Carers… I’m not sure how they got that far or high? Mayhaps, the most surprising escapee pea was found stuck on my left hearing aid! This was not spotted until I had a wash later?

You know that sometimes, Vascular Dementia Doreen can bring forth an amusing little Whoopsiedangleplop or Accifauxpas. That does little harm, and even to me afterwards, as in this instance, can bring forth mirth and the odd self-chuckle! Although stubbing my right big toe while bending to search under the cabinet for skedaddled garden peas was a little painful.

Got the washing up done and off for a wash. (Finding the squashed garden pea on the hearing-aid? Hehehe!)

Belated Carers arrived; due to training new gal, Kiya. Cheeky little monkey, I like her. Offered treat nibbles, said my farewells, but neither gal took the waste bags to the chute for me… so I took them.

Then, I remembered to take one of the new CBD Pure Hemp capsules. I’m hoping they will help with the recent lousy nights of sleep. I’ve been waking up, anything up to twelve times a night, and occasionally more often. Almost jumping or jerking awake. Fingers crossed! But the nurse said that it will take a few days to have any effect.

The capsules are transparent, and the contents look a little like tobacco, or maybe cannabis? Either way, the capsule slipped down easily enough. They are very light, which made me think they may be difficult to swallow, but, no problem. On this first one anyway! Hopefully, in a few days, I can find some proper undisturbed nights of rest? 🙏

The Thought Storms began as soon I got seated in the £300, second-hand, decrepit, c1968, rickety, none-working recliner. But the brain was defending me, I think. The memories of the cock-ups with the computer seemed to be masked? A mystery again as to why. But for some reason, the self-recrimination and hatred were very mild and only fleeting. Only the positive side of the days’ events was mused over??? Those are the only words I can use in describing m thoughts at that time.

In the early hours of the morning, the noise that woke me was atrocious. The loudest ever humming noise I’ve heard? Where from? I’m not sure. It may have been the dreaded not understood ‘Hum’. Or the machinery on the roof of the building? Or even a combination of both. Overnight, my sudden awakenings added up to about only six or so. Please let the Hemp capsules work!

The Nottingham Lads True Tales of Woe

Inchcocks Local News Snippets in Odes

Welcome to the Local Nottingham News Snippets Selection. Chosen this week, with many crime reports omitted; Cause I thought you’d be getting fed up with reading them. Ahem!


A 19-year-old lad, the police suspect of violence,
Part of a gang of yobs, who fractured a lads skull,
Arrested and out on bail as a subsequence…
I hope he’s learnt his lesson… what a load of bull!

Cases down by 7.5%, this should make us hopeful,
Nae… almost glad, nearly joyful…
Then I see this snippet below…
Mmm, what do we know?.

And then…

Jonathan, the criminal, impervious to the right thing to do,
Yet people fall in love with him… desiring him it’s true!
The women want to meet him, and pas de deux…
And some fellas fancy him too…
Well, I’m jealous, and I admit to you…
When sentenced, I hope they deport him to Timbuktu!

So, the robbed family, and all others too…
To keep safe, here’s what you must do…
Be Vigilant, get burglar alarms and CCTV,
Get monitored ones, although it’ll be a high fee,
Ten cameras should do, to keep a good view…
Mayhaps a double-barreled shotgun, or a few?
Should it be sufficient to make the burglars Depardieu?

May they be spotted by a policeman on his beat?
What am I saying, a PC on his beat… they are obsolete!
Get a suitable spray to get them with… spirochaete?
Bribe then not to rob you; ecstasy might be alreet?
Buy a taser, but please do be discreet…
Just for the taxman, ask them for a receipt!

Killer Matthew Farmer, who smiled and winked to police after stabbing his ex-partner 21 times, has been given a life sentence for this murder in his absence. There is a minimum term to serve 29 years before an application can be made for parole.

So, murderer Matthew Farmer turns into an Angel wannabee?
I see the ploy of his solicitor, whoever he may be…
He wants to prove remorse to people on the jury?
No, too late for that; it must be the Parole Board, you see…
To impress the virtual killers by setting them free early!
So when he applies, it may go in his favour… Lordy Me!

Shame he couldn’t kill himself as he did his partner so easily…
If the turd wanted some help, he should have asked me!
So three decades, no tax to pay, better off economically?
Do prisoners have poll tax or rent to pay? Surely…

It would only be right and fair that murderers should do?
Let them earn it, give them hardships; it’s overdue!
If one wants to die, he has the right; indeed, that’s true?
Ban luxuries, give them a book written in Hebrew,

Let them keep their smuggled in or prison-grown weed…
And then, in suicide next time, they can succeed!
I’m not calling for hanging or the use of a thumbscrew!
I just pray that murdering discontinues.

Well sorted, Sir!

I fear this blight is World Wide, seemingly…
The so-called artists, ignorant, are sickeningly…
Uncaring of the damage and ugliness they bring,
They all have a humanity and compassion deficiency,
There is no solution; the law is fiddledeedee!

When my carer read this out to me,
Although it’s happening is sad, you see…
I just couldn’t help bursting out with a “Hehehe!”

YourArea Scratch Card

Three tries this week to find three green houses.
Not doing very well, am I?

The Nottinghamshire Police are gathering injury after injury,
They get little support from judges or the jury…
Parole Board pillocks freeing prisoners early…
No wonder the officers are so grumpy and surly…
Arrestees think the courts are like a matinee!

Another murder in Nottingham then…
Saying nowt about this one, I’m not in the ken,
Little to report other than violence again…
It may get better… but when?


The very cheek and impertinence,
No insurance, no tax, and no licence,
No MOTs either; he didn’t want the inconvenience,
He was bailed under his own cognisance!.

There is no detail of what offences are marked on, nor the time or date. Be interesting to see one v the present day?

Inchcock’s Local News Snippets in Ode

Inchcock Today: The Nottingham Lads Local News Snippets

The Nottingham Lads Local News Snippets

Gotten Himmel – Seven Hours Straight-Through sleep!

What a marathon, a pleasurable hypersleep!
When I woke, my joy did reep…
But I’m not going to threap…
But I did spend nearly an hour on the toilet seat!

The carer gals ganged up on me… but I was alreet,
I dropped two tablets, but they only spotted one!
Still, I gave them a nibble and drink as a treat,
If I left it to them, I’d be dead and gone!
Thanked them and carried on…
Getting the beans, seasonings and chunks of meat,
Carefully prepping the chilli for Josie’s luncheon!

I was already feeling somewhat smugger,
Until I went to the Throne, a right bugger!
Harold’s Haemorrhoids bleeding, the flow rate larger…
Then I realised, the fungal lesion was bleeding too!
But I began to get a little cheerier,
One thing that went well though, was the poo!
The Brute worked, and I cleaned up getting things drier,
Again, I as soon felt frumpier,
Had another toe stumper!

Got Josie’s nosh sorted, but it was a scramble…
Too long doing this blog as a preamble…
So I rushed the prepping; took a gamble,
But didn’t land in the proverbial…
The tray prepped, I dropped some bit… that’s immaterial…
It was delivered on time, keeping my record was essential,
Josie was in spirits, a chinwag was attainable,
Wished her good eating, and Josie was delightable!

Back to the kitchen, tap left running again, I’m blameable!
Got the pots washed and put away, then, being so capable…
I’ve the habit of doing this, I dropped the kettle…
Burnt my leg, took ages to clean the mess, I’d had a bellyful!
I’d broken the handle against the table!
Took a photo of the end car park, just because I was able!

My frustrations with myself, are indescribable,
Self-loathing, grudgeful, and yet, also grateful?
I suddenly realised I was really lucky!
Or do I mean highly gullible?
I’m still going, not strong, but plucky…
I’m not sinful, and definitely not skilful…
Why thinking like this, confusion was plentiful,
I’d better get on with the blog before I get forgetful…
Yet, for some reason or other, I don’t feel stressful?.

Local News Snippets

This is a sport?
Violence to report…
A game, tempers short?
Well, not my sort!

Well said Police Officer Sarge…
Amazing, can you enl
Will anyone be charged?
I don’t mean to be a targe!

So sad, I used it so many times!

An anti-social behaviour injunction?
He’s a scumbag, give him a vaccination!
One that might improve his sensitisation…
Pentobarbital should help is putrefaction!

Nottinghamianese to the core!


Fingers crossed!

How many years will the animal be given?
Will he be yet another freed prisoner to kill again?
Judges, parole pillocks show stupefaction…
Or should the question be when?

Another potential killer.

Inchcocks Postcode crime figures…
Can’t say that they assure us…
Police redundancies and station closures!
Stabbings, murders, bleachings, fractures…
The courts give them stiff lectures…
The odd lengthy sentence in the mixtures,
But the worst of devious plicatures…
Are they are better of inside… time for reflectures?

I know, I know… but it rhymes! Hehehe!

Particularly nasty, bearing in mind who she was working for!



♥ I put the photo of Lisa on the header, cause she’s lovely! ♥

The Nottingham Lads Local News Snippets Series