Inchcock Today: Monday 13th June 2022

13th June 2022

LOCAL NEWS SNIPPETS

Apparently, he also had charges pending for arson,
Drug supplying, TWOC and mugging with aggression,
He resisted arrest in June, giving a PC an abrasion…
Which bled, and the PC needed a blood transfusion,
Some good news, although he was bitten by a police Alsatian!

Luke Riley was jailed for 18 years; what are the chances?
Guilty of 11 child sex offences… it brings hatred & tears!
Including two counts of rape of a child under 13 years!
The Parole board’ll free the swine after 10, sad dears,
To enable him to rape again, of course…
They’re as guilty as he is, but what is worse…
For another child, it’ll prove disastrous…
Parole namby-pambies deserve some adverse…
Black Magic, hexing, a witches curse,
Locking up, hanging, at least something mortiferous!

No mention of Brayan’s admission of getting 139 illegals into Nottingham last year. No doubt he runs ten properties in the Nott’m area, which is all owned on paper by his Sister back in the city of Kirkuk in south Kurdistanin, and them being room rented out… Ah, Gorrit! Bet he’s shopped on the bosses of the slave trade? That’ll be why they have been treated so lightly for the despicable crimes they have committed? Profiteering by getting the poor lost souls into the country hidden in vans, and making them pay through the nose for years! Gits!

His defence? Almighty God wanted me there! I wouldn’t have thought that Putin would be too bothered?

I bravely hung out of the window this morning…
To take this photo, it was cold, I was shaking…
I hurried it, all done in a twinkling,
But, getting back in, Glaucoma Gladys was itching…
The hospital told me there’s to be no scratching!
The Cataract left eye, not even any touching…
So, I stubbed my toe instead… Hello, the mobile’s ringing?
Who can this be a three o’clock in the morning?

The message above, you see, was somewhat confusing…
I thought the tune was a telephone ring…
But no, definitely someone was texting.
Was this genuine, or was someone hacking?
Mayhaps a cold-caller pestering?
A con-job, this’ll need careful handling?
Carer Richard’s due in two hours; I’m praying…
He’s the lad to help, no quibbling!

It was getting lighter later but not much brighter,
Shut the window, trapped finger… blood blister!
Dropped the ointment and trod on it in a fluster,
But my bravery, I did muster…
Proud, I felt like a boshter!

Three visits, over £2,500 worth of stock filtered…
Had they not caught him, he’d have made a fortune!
Luckily they got him as he faltered…
He’ll be out on parole by the end of June…
To carry on, and Wilko will be pilfered!…

He punctures a stranger’s lungs, fractured his sternum, stabbed him in his chest, he’s on drugs of course – and what do the good old protect the public Crown Court turnips give him for this unprovoked attack? 10 months in Young Offenders holiday camp!!! Then tell him he’ll only serve half of the sentence and be released on licence… I can help but remember the 30 murderers who were released early and all killed again! The 44 early release prisoners who raped again! The 9 who stabbed again… the 11 who raped again… And my biggest hatred, the overpaid yet inept Parole Board scumbags who allowed these to happen – they should be found guilty of the offences of their freed early prisoners!

Just thought I’d mention it.

COVID

FIGURE UP?

Inchcock Meal Snippet News

Chips: passable
Turnips: Undercooked
Mushrooms: Nicely seasoned for once
Tomatoes: Okay
Gherkins: Good
Pickle Balls: Enjoyed them
Apple: Too hard for the teeth to cope
Strawberry dessert: Too sweet
Veggie Hot Dogs: Terrible binned them

SAD LATE NEWS

e-scooters: Eleven deaths and over 1000 injuries were reported across England, Scotland and Wales last year. The use of privately-owned e-scooters on public roads is illegal. The figures alone should be enough for the Government (sic) to act on this.

The poor woman’s family do not want any bother or attention, and they have asked to be left alone, to mourn.

What with these e-scooter killings and injuries, the repeated releasing of killers & rapists early by the Parole Board, who murder and rape again… It baffles me.

Keep Safe Out There!

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Inchcock’s Local News Snippets – Part 33⅓rd

Inchcock’s Local News Snippets – Part 33⅓rd

Seems to be a question over which part this is? Haha!

Breaking News – Deadly Caterpillars found in Nottingham!

What with swine fever & poisonous insecticide…
Covid, Putin, bird flu, which is worse? You decide!
Drunk drivers, murderers, and a shortage of cyanide…
We’d better sort out the best choice for suicide…
Jump off a high building, shoot yourself, or use Fungicide?
Easy for me, I’ll take 10 Warfarins and a few Furosemide
The kids would be heartbroken if their dog died…
But would self-immolation really be justified?
Maybe, cause Putin’s war will soon go worldwide!

I’ll try to catch the court case to see the sentence,
Unless the lily-livered judge decides on his innocence,
All he’ll have to do is show the mock judge reticence,
The judge will bring up some 1895 jurisprudence…
See that the lad didn’t mean to kill, using grandiloquence…
The beak congratulates the lawyer on his great defence…
Fines the lad £50 and pays his court cost expense!

I keep seeing in these reports; the word Sherwood…
Me living there midst of the violence and blood…
Means I don’t feel safe, as any innocent would!
I think I should have left, absquatulated…
Mayhaps the miscreants are misunderstood?
Whatever happened to an eye for an eye, blood for blood…
Christs, it’s dangerous living in Sherwood!

An Angel of Mercy came to the rescue,
Gave no name, a white van driver, too!
Would you think he was from Nottingham, do you?
Probably from Wales, Devon or Crewe?

According to the court records, (a chap here works there). This animal has had 91 convictions for 41 offences. He’s awaiting trial for four fraud charges, attempted robbery, carrying a knife in a  public place, and demanding money from several taxi drivers! There are another 44 charges that were ‘dropped’ through lack of evidence (that seems a lot?) and domestic abuse. Five years and five months, with eight months for the eleven fraud charges. I need a mathematician here… how long did the scumbag get for each crime he committed, please?

Confusing?

We’ll trace the suspects earnestly!
No doubt, using their renowned synergy,
And cunningly concealed sagacity…
And scribble a note on the back of the hand!

By pure default.
This man’s a dolt!

Parole Board idiots let him leave clink early,
They should be prosecuted and sued, clearly…
They got it wrong yet again, then surely…
There are not up to the job, pathetically!
As Hughie Green said, ‘I mean this sincerely’…
The Parollers should be sacked and fined, but severely!

Mayhaps in prison, Brown could train…
The Parole Board idiots again…
Tell them they are thick, nonsane!
Freeing scumbags early is transmundane,
They’ll commit crimes again, fly off in a plane…
Laugh at them, call them names profane!

A murderer, drug dealer and a crackbrain…
They have been freed this year, have they no brain?
Everyone who was freed and committed a crime again!
I’ve proved at catching runaways; you are inane…
Parole Boarders have no morals to maintain,
Freeing murderers to kill again is inhumane!

Parole Boarders are as guilty… of this, I am certain…
Off the crimes committed by the freed-early lurdane!
Are the idiots’ drug addicts, or do they use enflurane?
Cause the arseholes free killers again and again?

We (UK) have 246 Parole Board members. It’s agreed,
The highest-paid member gets £166,560 indeed!
The Prime Ministers’ pay, this does exceed!
Justice for the innocents killed by Murderers freed…
The wife, husband or child victims’ families…

Guilty Parole members should be locked up or sauteed,
On bread and water, with the occasional fried centipede,
I wouldn’t say I hate or loath those that intercede…
Indeed one or two must-have accurately refereed?
Too many freed killers kill again! For revenge or greed!

LATE SNIPPET

Got Him!

Fair enough!

Inchcocks Selected Whoopsiedangleplops of the day

ONE

SOCK GLIDE-GLENDA

Absolutely!

This morning, I used Sock-Glide-Glenda, rather unwisely,
I felt confident and assured that I could use it injury-free!
I wanted to prove I’ve no need to be nervy…
Sure, that I had the ability, guts, and dexterity!
I thought this task to be just a formality…
Where I got this idea from also confused me!

It was going along pretty well, almost easy peasy!
But my confidence in my abilities turned into nihility…
Stepping out of frame, I lost my feelings of sensitivity,
And tumbled onto Glenda… tempting moribundity!
Scratches, bruises, welts… such a pity…
I soon lost my earlier orotundity!
I really am a liability!


Although the welt is morphing into putrefaction…
Add the bruised on the head for precision,
I came out in fair nick from this Accifauxpas action…
I’ve had no severe reaction…
It just spoils my good looks and beautification!

TWO

The Iceland Food Cometh!

No unavailable substitutes, things looked good,
The driver took the bags to the kitchen…
Thanked him, can of pop given, as I should…
The stomach wounds show no signs of blood…
I’d ordered some beef chunks, priced very good,
Went to get the fodder away as I would…
Then I saw the beef; some pieces looked like wood!
The rest were coloured red, as they should!

Above is the photo I took of one of the packs of need. Some pieces looked like cannabis colours blocks; the others looked fine. Opening up the pack, still in date, the texture of the CBD Hemp looking ones (about 30% of the contents!); was of an entirely different texture to the others? Things got me a little hot under the collar; when I checked the other two trays, they all had the Cannabis coloured chunks in them. I visited the Iceland site, and I checked the email that Iceland had sent…

I tried through the internet and found a page where they said I could email them… Fine, I thought, I’ll do that then… I’d got the details needed and went through a mammoth set of questions to finally get down to the email Iceland section at the bottom… But No! There was a list of reasons for the email, and one had to be selected. Otherwise, it didn’t let me get to the email page. Grumph!

So, I had to try the landline.

Dialled the number, and it was answered quickly… I waited… By a recorded message telling me they were experiencing a large number of calls and spent a few minutes telling me how I could contact them on the web, even recommending that I do that.

But not for long; the recorded message chappie interrupted the kip-the-sods-waiting music, which seemed like every minute. “If you want to know where your delivery is, phone…” Then next time something like – it was hard to hear him) “If you wish to question any charges… ring” – Followed by “A list on all new products re available at ……… .com” I had about ten of these interruptions.

Eventually, I got a real person to talk to. But hearing what she was saying was a nightmare! I answered all the details asked of me. I didn’t know how many pimples I had on my bottom, so I couldn’t answer that one… Hahaha! Only joking!

After only 20 minutes of the call being answered, I thanked her for her help. I’ve no idea why. I hadn’t got the foggiest notion of what was going to happen. But did catch ’email mentioned a minute before she rang off? So anticipate getting one (email) about a refund… or not, if I’ve got it wrong again…

I got this Email shortly after laundry and ironer Esther had gone. She kindly brought me the numbers to ring Amazon about the misleading information about my deliveries. Bless her.

And here we go…

Three

Amazing Amazon Cock Up

They told me as below on the tracker thingamajig. That the Galpharm Capsules would arrive on 20th – 21st April. They were delivered last Thursday 14th April). More of concern, they told me the Throw had been delivered last Saturday? I have not arrived yet! And was originally due on the 23rd of April. Confusion reigns?

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Four

Things started well; I oiled the ears to make them less waxy,
But they were still solid; the oiling failed dismally,
I syringed in water, which worked satisfactorily…
I waited for anything happening, cynically…
The noises from the canals became sort of crackly,
I viewed the treatment as failed – somewhat sceptically!

Nasal clearing, Germoloiding, Germolening… carefully…
All going okay; I Pain Gelled my knees and ankles easily…
Got the eye drops in… well, practically… but woefully…
Some got into the eyes, but with Shaking Shaun’s ability…
I got most of it down my cheek into my mouth, literally!

Then came the Blood Pressure taking…

Then onto the sphygmomanometerisationing,
In other words, the blood pressure taking…
The results lately have been astounding…
The last eight tests, all within a high rating…
But only just, nothing worth worrying about…

Flibbledonkackles! & Spurgledamnations!

Great Balls Of Fire!

Bloody Nora, what a shock!
This made me clench my buttock!
And my bladder wanted to unlock!
Hehehe!
I’ll have to ponder and take stock?
I checked the NHS site, like a shot!

Computer on, I entered details in the NHS, BP chart…
My result was off the scale; I passed an unintentional fart,
But I felt well pretty well, as best I could tell…
Leave it; check again later? Is that smart?
Listen to some music, perhaps some musical art?
Joannes Chrysostomus Wolfgangus Theophilus Mozart,
He was only 39 when from this earth he did depart!
I’ll go on the NHS helpline, well, it’s a start…

This message came on the screen after I pressed the ‘Go’ button to see the graph. Automatic response, mayhaps?

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A typical day for an old one like me… ruminations…
Frustrations, Whoopsiedangleplops, abominations,
Lack of socialisation and communications…
Accifauxpas, injury collecting, misread intonations,
The mind’s acute lack of clarity and precision!

Deafness, warping conversations,
Confirmation of hypertension…
Worries about the yobbo’s flat intrusion,
The brain is confused between reality and illusion…
A nasty, Thought-Storm invasion,

But odd things that baffled yet pleased me?
A movement in my loins, the first since 2003!
A yearning to have back my 4×4 Panda Sisley?
I wanted a pan of streaky smoked bacon, crispy…
Needing the dentist to repair my cavity…

Hate: Dementia Doreen, for causing such deficiency,
Denying my once held abilities, from logicality…
Ensuring my confidence less, and other disabilities…
My memories fade, but old ones remain: A malady?
Not knowing what time & day it is, is not an abnormality!

Failed & deferred appointments, like with the audiologist,
A Doctor who I’ve forgotten what she looks like?
The Ophthalmologist, no appointments were missed…
That’s cause I haven’t had one yet, about which I’m pissed!
Three cancellations from the phlebotomist…
Just the one from the immunopathologist,
Four from the Gerontologist, Two for the dentist…
The DVT clinic, four from the neuropathologist…
Could I get help from a psychiatrist or hypnotherapist?
A couple more to put on the cancelled list!
I must stop moaning… I must desist!

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.

Inchcock Today: Tuesday 15th February 2022: Farcicalisationing again!

Vascular-Dementia-Doreen Strikes Again!

Tuesday 15th February 2022

Another slightly better night, at least once I got off to sleep. Over the past couple of weeks now, I’d been jumping awake, nervously, anything from 5-minutes to half an hour after nodding off, but I’ve always been able, once I’ve fought off the Thought-Storms, that is; to get back into the land of nod swiftly again. Last night it was getting to sleep in the first place that was the problem. I even turned on the TV cause that usually helps me fall out of consciousness. But not last night, it was ‘orrible! Once did, the waking ups started, of course, but no more often than average. Hey-Ho! I’m losing faith in the Hemp capsules already.

So, it was later than usual when I did stir back into imitation life. Not that I noticed at the time, cause the need to utilise the Porcelain Throne was soon on me. Off to the wet room, and Gawd Blimey! Another wet but willing evacuation! I got things cleaned up… and the wet room was washed and changed into day clobber, teeth, eye drops, ear drops, Germolened Little Inchies final lesion, and Germoloided Harolds Haemorrhoids. It’s a job every morning and night this is! 

Made a brew of the J Sainsbury’s Extra Strong tea; this is not bad at all, but not up to the standards of Thompsons Punjana or Glengettie. Got on the computer to start updating yesterdays blog!

A flipping hard slog with the Shaking Shaun interference… I like that word, but why?

The intercom sounded and lit up. Hello, Sainsbury are good and early this morning! 

I gave the deliveryman two boxes and a carrier bag. He filled with the delivered items for me, and he put them through the door in the hallway for me. I slipped him a choice of drinkies in thanks, and off he trudged.

I’d not seemed to get much this time? Before sorting them out, I had a look on the web to see the order. A good few items are unavailable, and I’d ticked the no substitutes on them. Very risky letting Sainsbury’s make substitutes, I can tell yer! Still, some of luxury, spoil-the-old man foods had arrived, Hehehe!

How the fresh cream French Horns got requested is beyond my imagination… me? Buying fresh cream French Horns? Ahem! With whole cream milk? Lemon cream desserts, too? I also tried some JS own label Extra Strong Teabags. (Not bad at all!) The cheesy twist pastries looked good. I’ll have them later on tonight. Worra feast in store!

A few minutes after getting fodder stored away, ♫ Oh, Susana ♫ chirped up from the doorbell, and in walked Carer Cassie. She’s brought with her the monthly prescriptions. While she was putting them away, I nattered away.

During which something came up in the one-way conversation. And as we went into the main room, I said I’d make a note to remind myself to phone the Doctor…

It then dawned on me… I could not find the Nokia! I always leave it to the computer’s right, as a rule. Where the charging cable can reach the phone from the socket?

Later, I felt an Ode coming on…

That if I could not find it this morning!
When Carer Cassandra came calling…
She set off, with me, both searching…
My hopes were not worth a farthing,
Of me discovering, finding…
My beloved mobile, a precious thing…
It was most irritating and frustrating…
Irking and embarrassing!
Cassie looked in every nook was persisting…
Every room searched, drawer-jostling…
Finding it? My hopes were now fading…
Vascular Dementia Doreen, it was very degrading,
We investigated under the chairs, it was so rilling,
Cassie carried on, with no getting ruffling…
Where can it be? Then I needed a wee-weeing…
Off to the wet room, not easy peeing and thinking…
Wondering where I’d put the danged thing!

I got back to the main room – & Cassie was smiling! ♥
With eyes that were brighter and twinkling…
She pointed out where she found the phone hiding…
Yes, Cassie found it, I gave her a kiss, but I was infringing,
But she gave me no whinging; I started singing!

We both began grinning and laughing!
I was so happy, I could have wet my underclothing!
It’s lovely to find a little joy in something…
Although later, I was scathing, scything, and seething…
At getting in such a mess… things I’m constantly losing,
I’m an expert on having things go vanishing!

With my telling her of my funny turn yesterday, I was unsure if cleaner Esther had called on me or not. Cassie pointed out that she could have moved the mobile; because the computer desk looked like it had been dusted. (which means it is usually dirty? Haha!)

Oh, I’ve not said have I, where the phone was found? It was moved a few inches from its usual position, but out of sight, underneath the keyboard! I feel a greater fool than ever now!

The blooming day was nearly gone by the time I started on this post! Getting the Monday blog finished after all the time spent searching for Nokia-Nigel, meant it cost me a total of over five hours before I got it finished and posted off. Adding the fact that Peripheral Neuropathy Pete had joined with Shaking Shaun in making things nigh on impossible to type without so many errors… I should have been angry, but no… I was grateful that Cassie helped me find the mobile to use…

Then a Mega Mess! Could I  remember who I was going to call in the first place? Could I ‘eck as! Now, this is just how life is going for me at the moment…

I had the oddest thoughts and confusions. I was still grateful for Cassie finding errant mobile for me, and at the same time, felt worthless and full of self-loathing for not being able to recall who I needed to call!

There are people like lovely Lisa and Sister Jane, who I want to converse with. But no time left again! The evening carer is nearly due! And I’ve not had anything to eat yet! Ah, well, no wonder I’m not sleeping well.

I did a little Facebooking answered some comments. Then had a look at the WordPress reader. I just made the WP comments; now I shall have to give up blogging and prepare some fodder prepared… I imagine I will not be back until the morning.

Really weary now, just about done in, and the fodder had to be prepared, cause sometimes even hunger can survive the onslaught of weariness. (Ah, a touch of cleverness there, I thought?)

Bean and cheese and beef pasties, naughty cheese curls, slow-cooker destroyed potatoes by doing them for eleven hours! Tsk! Roast chestnuts and, sadly, the last of the black tomatoes. However, I did make too much of a plateful, and I was running out of eating-steam and considering abandoning the by now gruelling task of shoving any more food into my gullet, and…

♫ Oh, Susan ♫ chimed out from the doorbell. I instantly morphed into a smiling, happy, hopeful and cheerful chap; the moment that I saw it was Carer Julie coming into the room!

I asked her if she had enjoyed her holiday, as the others told me she was on. But she had been poorly, not on holiday. After giving me the medications, we had a too long chinwag and laugh. I mentioned that I had not paid her yet for posting the package to Lisa and Bill for me. And forwarded the thanks of Billum for her help. Showed her some photo’s graphics I’d done of Lisa and Bill, and she showed interest. ♥

But she really had to go; I had delayed her a long enough. I insisted she tool some treats and nibbles if only to help cover the cost of her doing the mailing for me. The last two little Natoora tomatoes from the fridge were taken. I do hope she and her partner enjoy them. ♥ Said my sad farewells to Carer Julie.

Washed, got down in the awesomely uncomfortable recliner, and prepared for the arrival of Sweet Morpheus

A mention of Sweet Morpheus, or sleep…
Sometimes he won’t let me get a peep…
This makes me tired, and I want to weep,
I’ve tried, it doesn’t work, counting sheep,
Nightly the wakings up rerepeat,
Insomnolence, can it be beaten?

Tonight, I gorrof to sleep really quickly…
Woke; pains from Shuddering-Shoulder-Shirley,
I thought I’d been a kip for hours… ghastly…
I’d slept for ten minutes at most, eerie?
God of Sleep & Dreams, ignoring my sleep-deficiency?
Nodding back, and again started dreaming…
About ‘Man from Uncle’ Mr Waverley?

My shooting awakes, giving me hypertension…
Spent a while, in fretting and procrastination,
Back in the land of nod, minutes later, depression!
This time shaking from failed neurotransmissions,
Like a shot, back and deeply sleeping…
Why and how is beyond my comprehension…
Seems I’ve got a staying-asleep suppression?

Is it possible to get a sleep transfusion?
Will Sweet Morpheus be open to persuasion?
Can I bribe him or offer complete adulation?
Every time I nod off, I awake in absquatulation…
Can one invent a sleep button? Press for activation?
Or will I continue suffering mental altercation?

The Pure Hemp is bringing no sleep satisfaction…
I can see no improvement in my nocturnal hibernation,
I suppose I’ll be left with new mental disorientation,
I crave rest at times; there’s no commiseration,
I’d see the Doctor, but that’s another complication,
Hearing on the phone, she bounces back my email communication,

I see no way to make things better, somnambulatorily,
Fact is, today, I feel pretty poorly…
Awaiting the next Whoopsie…
Willing life to be hassle-free…
Asking profound questions of me…
Getting self-answers, of fiddledeedee!

Sad, innit?

Wednesdays Sunset – Bootiful!

Sherwood’s Sunset, daunting, yet so picturesque,
Almost like it was designed by an artist…
With the aid of an abstractionist?
Believe me, viewing it, I heard a clarinettist…
Playing Stranger on the Shore, perfectionist!

The scenes almost spoke to me,
My worries were replaced, temporarily,
I began to think, rather melancholily…
When I snuff it, I’ll miss these sunsets, sadly!

For all my worries and ailments, I feel lucky…
Though I may be writing circumlocutorily…
In bad odeing too, but that comes naturally,
It brings on a desire to be conciliatory!
And admiration seems so obligatory!.

At this moment of photographing…
I don’t want to visit Beijing,
Go skiing or backpacking…
Have sex, or go mountain scaling,
I made a spot of decision-making…
Enjoy nature; I find it so enthralling!.

Hello, the cold rains started drizzling,
The winds are getting up, more nature enabling?
This means other worries are expelling…
The thought of getting back to normality is dismaying!

Back to the day to day stuff means disentangling,
Pleasures of Mother nature at work, disengaging…
Making a brew, having a wee-wee – blood-curdling!
I think it’s time I went for some counselling?

Editor Inchcock, happy as usual!

Inchcock Today Monday 24th January 2022

Inchcock Today Monday 24th January 2022

Scam

Horrible Night!

Waking up all through the night, 4 times an hour on averagely!
Each time, Thought-Storms rampant, both knees hurting arthritically,
Wee-wees galore, getting up and down, good exercise, physically…
Getting out and in the chair went painfully, almost backbreakingly,
On one visit to the nocturnal wee-wee bucket, suddenly…
I realised the time, t’was time to get up, sadly!

However, the Thought-Storms continued, affecting me badly,
Howling around the mind, numbers, calculations, mathematically…
Ghosts, fears, hopes and confusions, mixed maniacally…
Went to fill the kettle, but put water in the saucepan; pathetically!
Left the hot tap running, dropped the milk… I spoke cursingly!
Oh, I wish the Thoughts would leave me, but no, sadly!

Carer Richard arrived, which seemed to ease my mental disarray,
We chatted, both of us relating many a memory,
We have a lot in common, medically…
Although I must say, not academically,
Our natterings went most ambiguously,
I can still access my long-term memory!

My views and thoughts on life today go anachronistically?
If I’ve got the wrong word there, please forgive me…
Richard departed, the brain stopped acting ballistically…
The wee-weeing steadied down… but not entirely,
Cheered up a smidge, I went to get my Strawberry sundae,
But found it had a use-by date on it, for last Friday!

Made a start to this blog, checked the day…Monday,
Thought I’d make a sarnie, last of the beef, oh, Ya!
But the beef had gone off, more stuff to throw away!
Back to the computerisationing, went on an Odeing foray!
Taking time to find a rhyming word, I forgot what I was going to say!
Porcelain Throne time… what will it be like today…,

Oh, that was fine, not messy, good texture… and no delay!
Easiest and pain-free than for many a day!
Coming out, all chuffed, I stubbed my toe on the way…
Shaking Shaun, Shuddering Shoulder Shirley, have gone away…
Only just typed this, and Shirley began to jump and flay…
Contentment and hope, I should not really display!

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Photographicalisationings

Got the camera out, and found some snaps I’d taken earlier. I don’t think I’ve blogged them yet, but I could be wrong. It has been known!

Josies Sunday Lunch

My Sunday Lunch

My Second Sunday Lunch!

Yes, a little embarrassing that was. I forgot I’d had an earlier nosh, and made another. I gobbled it all up mind. Glutton!

Strayed off of my plans again,
My memory is such a pain…
Got a shave, cleaned the teeth,
Hit my knee on the bucket beneath…
But I mustn’t and won’t complain…
My higher spirits I want to maintain!
Back to photographing again…

The red van parked in the car park? No, surely…
Good heavens, Gore Blimey, and lackaday,
The red van had to park proper… Mayday!
It’s the black car in his way…
Parked in his illegal spot today!
All I can say is Hahaha!

A misty morning dawning,
Stayed this way all day…
Door chime ringing, it’s Josie!
Returning her Sunday dish and tray,
Said she enjoyed it immensely…
That perked me up, egotistically!.

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Thoughts

I’ve lived my life, caringly, blindly and anacreontically,
But mostly I suppose it’s been okay, absobloodylutely,
I must have been old minded at birth, characteristically,
There have been moments of my living abstemiously…
I never fitted in, why I didn’t even like Old Mother Riley!
I’d turn from shyly to bravely, and back again, abruptly…
Rarely aggressively, agitatedly, or abrasively,
Often agonisingly, agreeably, and absentmindedly!
Now I live with depression and insanity…
But try to hang on to my natural humanity…
Vascular dementia, stroke, means mental abnormality,
But it’s all part of life, along with dying eyesight, apparently?
Forgetting new things brings forth my acting apologetically,
I admit to acting more and more confusedly…
But this only happens when I remember, I live pathetically,
Abstractedly, physically arduously, but I love laughter abundantly!

By gum, that was deep in parts. Did I write it?

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Hello, Esther came in, (Just finished taking an urgent wee-wee in the bucket, too!) She’d picked up a parcel in the lobby, and brought it up for me, bless her. It was the TV remote control that amazon said would be arriving on the 28-29th January? Great! She is going to do my washing that the Meridian Care shower failed to do last Friday!

Wallah! Got the batteries into the remote and tried it out. Tales of the unexpected were one too!

Time to get this blog sent off, and get summat to eat.

Keep safe all!

Part of the Inchies Make Them Laugh In-Ode Series

Inchcock’s Odes to Why?

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WHY COVID?

Covid-19 and Sars-CoV-2, why they came, is what I’m thinking?
Government confused findings, need reabsorbing…
Pandemic and HMG hold a party, hobnobbing?
Annoyed me, so this Ode I’m now scribing…
Yet, to their rules, I’ve been acquiescing,
Two years now, since any Doctor interfacing,
Definites, the Government are sidestepping?
I feel like I’m permanently convalescing,
Anti-maskers are not exactly applauding…
Anti-vaccers protests showing no signs of concluding,
Jab or mask-wearing? Some are not deciding…
I follow the guidelines, but it can be confusing,
Doing what you can to protect others is frustrating,
Between the Do’s and the Don’ts, there’s bile offloading,
No give or understanding of others, compassion is subsiding,
Sarcasticness abounds, even where I am residing!

Coronavirus arrives, HMG problems beginning,
Changes meant more hassle, problems teething,
Proletariats, needing hopes strengthening,
Some vague chance of things improving…
New strains, deaths, started the mudslinging…
Ordinary voters started teeth-gnashing,
Anti-vaxxers and maskers began badmouthing,
But some uncaring folks just started shrugging,
Accusing HMG of ignorance and gross mismanaging,
The businesses set out to gain more profit – I’m seething!
Indeed, we should be encouraging, not rubbishing?

Official figures are baffling and misleading,
Dyscalculia makes it difficult in reading…
Have the Governments been Shanghaiing?
In favour of financing, from businesses and banking?
Are their advisors’ advising wrongly and failing?
Does their arriere-pensee to us need rethinking?
How do they stop the money-men from sabotaging?
The bankers, investors from profit-pocketing?
Indeed it’s impossible to stop them interfering and scavenging?

And, whatever’s happened to the political duelling?
No calls from Labour, as Kinnock would have been lambasting?
Lib-Dems are still about, are they? I’m just asking!
I think I worked it out; why is the silence blasting?
They both think, thank heavens, we are not ruling…
All this confusion, entangling… they’ve no idea of detangling,
So give Boris no bother, or at the subsequent voting…
The masses may vote for us, and we win… nonplussing!
The thought of us dealing with things is blood-curdling!
Labour in power, cause enough for frightful caterwauling!
Well, that’s enough of my HMG & Covid caterwauling,
Not such a good Ode, this one, it left me… Tsking!

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WHY AM I SO UNLUCKY?

I’ll start with one event, the heart thing,
That was not unlucky; it did not leave me whining!
This operation saved my life… Else I’d have been missing…
The Hernia, Peripheral Neuropathy and Colin Cramping,
Cancer of the bladder, and stroke, and a lot of bemoaning. Hehe!

Being an unlucky sod can be so time-consuming,
Leaving very little time left for resting and vacuuming,
A Whoopsiedangleplop, maybe the Thought Storms brewing…
A memory loss, missed bus, lost keys or painful burping…
From near-deadly to a tap left running or finger burning,
Ailments, senility and old age means the end of by beep-bopping,
The worst is Vascular Dementia, the brain transitioning…

My diabetes and oedema cause much bother urinating,
Each morning, the feet will be either bloated or very thin,
It’s not so bad since I stopped doing my trampolining,
The tumbling or fallings is constantly threatening…

Neuropathy and Shaking Shoulder Shirley are disquietening!

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I regularly get subconjunctival haemorrhaging,
Saccades and the new eye problems are definitely worrying,
Floaters, cataracts and glaucoma, almost frightening!
Everything taking longer to do, from the ablutioning…
Painful bending to retrieve dropped items can sting!
Oh, and evacuations on the Throne, and Wee-weeing!

I nearly always cut myself shaving,
Sometimes taking many minutes peeing…
Occasionally, taking only seconds at urine freeing!
The Porcelain Throne, often with evacuation misfunctioning.

Porcelain Throne options for me are; water-like spurting…
Which can be over like lighting!
Or resistant, rock-hard, and bloody,
Either or both are constantly hurting and agony!

Cleaning, me or the flat internally, is so burdening,
Seems nowadays to take an eternity, and much groaning,
Hardly any time for my beloved Word Pressing,
My confidence is egringolering…
My hearing is worsening…
Every task’s success is gimping!

The leaking blood through the plaster was bubbling!
But it was not at all troubling…
Cause actually, it made me do some laughing…
Which I found rather refreshing!

Inchcocks’ True Odes to Life Series

Inchcock Today: A Dream Remembered

Inchcock’s Tuesday Diary & Dream Recollections

I woke around 04:20hrs: With some memories of the dream still prattling about in the brain. I lunged to get the notepad and pencil from the Ottoman; and realised they were lying between my legs, and well scribbled on, too! (Somnambulistic activity?) So I added the new bits to it and left the pages to be used later in my reminiscing of the ultra-weird dream.

Off into the kitchen, no taps, stove or lights had been left on. More amazingly, Shaking Shaun was not affecting the legs again! That’s been around eighteen hours of relief, now!

I took a photo of the clear dark morning sky. And decided not to make a brew of Glengettie, 99, or even the usual refreshing Thompsons Punjana tea; this bothered me!

Something was out of sync here this morning… most likely me! Summat up here! No shaking legs, no toothache, no desire for a mug of tea, not wanting a wee-wee…

However, I maintained my earlier om waking, almost gung-ho, hey-ho outlook, and just pressed on with updating the Facebook, catching up a bit with it anyway. I was humming the door chimes’ tune to myself, not in need of a cuppa, and as I thought I was also not in need of a wee-wee… the flow started. And continued approximately every fifteen minutes and was only taking the occasional swift swig of the spring water?

As I indicated earlier, things seem discrepant, incompatible, and incongruous today. Yet I am not put out by this… at the moment.

Working on Facebook, I came across last nights photograph of my meal. This brought back to me how tasty it was for once. Fresh garden raw peas from Nicaragua, tomatoes from Holland, sausages from Poland, chips from England, and part-baked oven cobs from Ireland. American BBQ sauce. An international feast! That I gave a Taste-Rating of 8.2/10!

I went on the WordPress reader, had a wee-wee, answered some comments, took a pee, readied this blog, had a slash, and the door chime chimed out its ♫Oh, Susana…♫ tune. It was the morning Carer came to sort out my medications. No messing with this gal, all done nada off in eight minutes, kindly taking the waste bags to the chute for me as she departed.

Minutes later, the ♫Oh, Susana…♫ tune chirped up again. This was the Sainsbury’s order arriving. Boy, had I ordered a lot or what? I’d got some cheapo eggs in. Ten for £1.10.

After taking in the items, I managed to get the chuckles into the fridge; first, there was only enough room, and I had to do a bit of jiggling around to get them into the fridge door.

They were mixed in sizes from diddly to small. Hehe! Not that it mattered to me. They were all a lovely deep brown colour.

I knew there was not much room in the freezer, so I only ordered some McCain flavour maker fries. Although I somehow managed to buy three packets of them… £9 spent there!

The first load of fresh stuff into the fridge were, Fresh peas and a milk roll loaf. Humph! Another cock up made, I’d obviously ordered three bags of potatoes, all of a different type.

Ready meal foods next. Five of the prepared meals; four Sausage in onion grainy and sweet potato mash, and one chilli and chips, all watchers, WW! Three packets of cooked bacon. (Guilty!)

Then the costly, naughty, wicked, and guilt-ridden things were put away. Oh, dearie me, yes! Three Lemon Cheesecakes. Mandarin pieces in orange jelly and two fresh cream eclairs… no, that should be doughnuts. Ahem! A substituted for lemon yoghourts. Lemon & Lime Possets. (Ahem!) I’ve never heard of these before, but on reading the ingredients: Double cream, whipping cream, lemon juice, lime juice, sugar, lemon zest, thickener, agar and cornflour – I realised how bad it was, and decided not to eat it, naturally.

I took the rubbish bags accrued by storing the fodder away to the rubbish chute room. Then it happened… The shaking and wobbling started again en route with the bags. Luckily I’d taken the stick with me; thus, I avoided having an Accifauxpa and tumble!

I can’t say the same thing for inside the chute room. Tsk! Nowt too lousy mind, just a trapped finger and back-Pain Brenda kicked off after I knocked the stick over and bent down to retrieve it. I’ve had a lot worse.

I got back in the flat and decided that if things were getting back to normal with the ailments, I’d take an extra painkiller now, have another wee-wee, and get the kitchen floor cleaned while I was still capable. So, I did!

BPB was not too happy with me, but she could have been a lot worse. Arthur Itis was almost nonexistent as I treadmilled mop bucket spinner. I did manage a toe-stubbing in the process, but only a mild effort, so I pressed on with the job, even humming a tune to myself?

Until I emptied the bucket down the lavatory; I gave myself a really good toe-stubbing then! It made me wince a little, and I just may have used a naughty word or two… perhaps, maybe.

That was bad enough, but then I dropped the bucket and got covered in the sweet smell of lemon disinfectanted but dirty water! I hit my knee with the mop stay and generally sank down from my previously almost cheerful state to a genuinely pissed-off with myself semi-depressed!

I was even angry with myself! I may well have growled and questioned my parentage! I’d gone from being practically flippant and almost uncaring, not concerned, to a deep depression instantly! My world had been turned on its head. I knew it had to happen! Back to the lucky bugger I am, that things being almost semi-content, just couldn’t last, and I knew it. Thinking this actually helped me to perk back up a smidgeon.

Go me and the place cleaned up, had a wee-wee, and got on the computer to start this blog. After five minutes, I was back at the NWWB (Nocturnal-Wee-Wee-Bucket) with a lot of PMAD (Post-Micturition-After Dribbling). That needed shaking and wiping – and…

The door chime chimed again; I had to pack things away swiftly, as I saw a shadow had let itself in along the corridor, and I did not want to make whoever it was to laugh by displaying Little Inchy.

Esther, the cleaning lady, came in. Unfortunately, in my rush and haste to get Little Inchy undercover, his Fungal Lesion started bleeding! I couldn’t just leave her and get it medicated, but I don’t think she noticed anything she shouldn’t have. So, I had to grin and bear it.

The gal got straight on with gathering and taking the laundry for me. Esther returned after I’d cleaned and medicated Little Inchies problem. Now I had a little more pain to put up with!

But I coped well enough, back to the usual style of semi-coping and mild agony. Haha!

When Esther returned, I got the new ironing board unwrapped, and the gal got using it quickly. I was amazed at how fast she was doing the ironing for the first time on the new board.

She hung up the clothes in the hallway for me; bless her! After that, I got the chair covers back on and started to feel more my usual self.

Laundry down for me; bless her. A lot of what she said, a little too fast for me, and when I asked her what she said, the volume was too high, and her speed was the same. I hope I’ve not missed anything that was important? I thanked her, and she shot off. She’s a kind thing. ♥

So, I decided to get a mug of tea at last; as I stood up, shoeless, I trod on something hard, sharp and tiny. Can you believe it… I can, Hehehe! It was yet another escaped, dried like granite garden pea! How the heck do I not see or find them earlier? I’ve hoovered the carpet near the computer several times last and once this, and still, it gets missed! It must have been fled weeks ago, to be that hard? Ah, well!

It’s getting dark earlier than ever today. Took a snap of the end car park.

Then back to working on this blog. In between going for a leak, of course. Then fatigue dawned on me, so I stopped to get some nosh sorted.

As I was prepping the fodder, surprisingly, suddenly everything seemed to light up. The sun was having one last attempt at coming through, and I got the camera to snap it. Not a good effort, but still.

Sausages with a drop of onion gravy, carrot and leek potatoes, coiled potatoes finished off in the oven, fresh Nicaraguan garden peas, and a Lemon & Lime posset pot. Not as good as last night’s, but a score of 7/10 for flavour was given.

Washed the pots and back to the chair to eat the posset… Zzzz! Off into a deep sleep, I trundled and had the dream, as I had mentioned earlier…

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I was in a shopping centre or big market. As I went along, it dawned on me that the three-wheel walker was behind me, and I was pushing a shopping cart ahead; I turned to look for a supermarket where I assumed I had taken the shopping trolley; from… Then noticed that the three-wheeler was following behind, under its own steam? Then as we came to an escalator, I hesitated, and other shoppers were getting annoyed, asking me what the problem was.

I said I can’t get on the escalator with two trolleys… and I got the oddest of looks, and people laughed at me. One woman asked if I’d escaped from somewhere?

“What’s its name?”

“Who’s?”

“The trolley you pillock!” “Tsk! are you poorly or what?”

“I call it my walker?” With which she snapped her fingers and commanded, “Walker… Fly! I thought, even in the dream, something’s not right here? But the three-wheeler raised up like a Darlek in Dr Who and flew gently down to the bottom of the escalator!!! Wait for me at the bottom!”

When I followed the others down, I realised that there were no moving steps, just a controlled cushion of air, that we were using?

And I could see down on the floor below, trolleys of all sorts waiting for their owners and running to their side when they got down. And mine did the same? seeing other folks sending the trolleys to get things from the shops, I tried it… “Walker, Boots, get a large tube of Germolene!” And of he waddled off to the Boots store…

A ganglet of young ladies surrounded me, asking for my signature, and would I sing them a song? Like pricking a bubble, instantly they were all gone?

I sat on a bench, trying to make sense of all this…

I was woken up by Carer Lisa. I didn’t mention the dream.

Lisa did the medications, and she shot off; she was busy tonight.

I got the computer back on and updated this blog.

It’s been an odd day… again!

The Nottingham Lads True Tales of Woe Series

 

Sunday Evening’s Photographicalisations

Sunday 2nd January 2022

Sunday Evening’s Photographicalisations

At first, I thought I’d have a hamburger or fishburger,
Noe in: So I had chips & sausages and a shandy lager…
As meals go, this was a fair pallet-pleasing humdinger!
After three on the trot, each a taste-bud slaughterer!

Good heavens, the end car park showing activity!
Vehicles moving, I think I can see three,
Of course, there’s the red van parked clumsily,

Well, goodness, gracious me!
Another car coming in, do you see?
Much more of this, they may make a fee,
But it’s nice to be able to park for free!

I took more snaps, first one up the hill to the park,
Going up there once, I saw a woodlark!
Can’t get up the hill now, I have to remark…
Facts like this you have to get used to – although stark!

Later I took the one above, of the skies so azure.
It’s nice to live in sight of such nature,
And images, still be able to capture…
Natural beauty almost sends me into rapture!.

The later sunsets, beautiful!

17:00hrs: Sunset from the kitchen window.

17:12hrs: Sunset from the balcony.

17:20hrs: Sunset from the balcony.

Inchcock – Beyond help now? Hehe!

Amazingly quick changes, that I did see,
Nature always seems to impress me…
From the skies, animals and how often I have to wee!
Sometimes from humanity…
I wish somehow I could flee…
Then someone’s so kind to me…
I’m very confused, I think you’ll agree?

Part of Inchcock’s Ode to Life Series

36 Graphics of this year – Wot Inchcock done for the TFZers

36 of this year’s Graphics – done for the TFZers

I’d like to start with one done earlier – for Sandie Lentz. It was Sandie that started the TFZ (Troll Free Zone). Initially, with only former members of Yahoo Questions Site, which was getting overly trolled.

We all loved and miss Sandie. Her other hobby and fascination was the American Civil War history. When I made this graphic a few years ago, she said she loved it, so it goes on first for the TFZ and our former First Lady. With Love.

♥ Sandie Lentz ♥

Here are a few from earlier this year. As they came from the file.

Pattie, Janet, Marie, Gladys Lona & Jillie. ♥

Pattie ♥ & Meritt

Jillie, in the sea! ♥.

Keith nibbling.

Nancy, gorrit organised! ♥

Janet & Me

Mary – Well done! ♥

Jillie & Mary ♥

Nancy, Marie, Pattie, Betty, Meritt, Wayne, Me

Keith. Hehehe!

Pattie & Serge (Hubby) ♥

Janet A, Heather, Keith & me ♥

Pattie – Cor! ♥

TFZers Tribute Trio Consisting of Julie, Lillie and Linda

Janet A, me, and Keith nosing at us. Hehe!.

Marie ♥ – Had enough of the entertainment?

Marie, Keith and me. (Bacon lovers)

Lona, Patricia, Julie, Nancy, Janet, Heather, Jillie, Meritt, Keith and the two Thomas’s.

Kitchen again – We like our food! Mary, Gladys, Jillie and Nancy

Janet cooking! Is that absinthe?

Meritt organising the TFZer transport.

Gladys (Many members favourite – mine too)

Julie doing what she does best! Haha!

Another Winner for Shirley! ♥

Mary dining! Free drink?

Part-Time Astronaut Julie!

Full-time Cook, Marie, Cook for me any day!

Actress Nancy – getting paid… for what? Haha!

Mary with Keith lurking?

Heather serves the ale – Thomas & Andy interested.

All the lads ogling Gladys! I don’t blame them!

Marie and Thomas S

Pattie, with guess who thumbed a lift?

Lona – Not to be messed, this gal!

Lillie, attracting the attention of the ship cleaner?

Hello, Lona’s back – on stage with Thomas G!

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