Local News Snippets for Nottingham


ODE TO THE PAROLE BOARD ZOMBIES

Forgive my hatred of the murderers on the Parole Board…
My confidence in them will never be restored,

Are they under the thumb of a drug or gang lord?
Are they permanently pissed, schnockered?
Cause freeing murderers all the time, I’m shocked!
Freeing to kill again, this should have been stopped.

Parole Board? More like a smorgasbord!
When they go on holiday, wherever their boat is moored…
I wouldn’t mind if they fall overboard in the fjord!

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Well, it must be at least one murder a day in Nottinghamshire this year,
Yet folk carry on as if they have no fear?
To me, this all seems odd and queer,
The world going ever crazier…
Chanced for man’s survival, is doubtfuller,
Going outdoors has never been dicier!
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Police Inspector: ““I am pleased we have now charged a suspect in connection with this offence and would like to thank all of the officers involved for their quick response and determination.” Why are they not normally responsive or determined, then? More police on the beat might have been a better option. Ah, the cost… I see! I’ll try to visit the lady in the hospital and explain it to her.
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The gentlemen arrested and victim, for that matter, seem to be a little old for these violent shenanigans. I’m looking forward to and hoping to find out what went on. Mind you, the police are as well.
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I rather hope it was not in an Easy Link bus; I use and pay them for lifts to the Diabetes Sessions. I’ll remember not to question any driver next time they say I can’t use my bus pass to get a reduction in price.
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Scumballs!
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Thought I’d just slip a bit of good news in here!
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This must sound attractive to anyone thinking of relocating to Nottinghamshire to live or enjoy a worry-free, peaceful retirement?

Well, at least he chose the dearest supermarket firm to rob. I suppose they have been robbing us, certainly me, with all their ridiculous increases in prices. Now they send me a Coupon – to save £30 on my next online shopping. But I’ll have to spend not the usual $40, but £80! to get it. Bearing in mind that there will be a delivery charge if you spend below…
So, if they have, and they always have any products unavailable, then the saving will not apply. Also, last week, the limit permitted to buy on some lines had: Spring water – One. Freshly sliced potatoes – One. Five unavailables, three substitutions. But it doesn’t bother me in the slightest!

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Did I read that sentence right?

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Wotta record!
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Don’t they look like a sweet set of men?

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Inchcock’s Local News Snippets – Issue 33↉

ODE TO CRIME

Some say crime is committed by the riffraff, the social residue,
And we’re all aware this is in itself, true…
Those who escape punishment are often the true blue…
Bankers, the rich can get away with crimes, so often do!
Anteriority and ruling classes are dishonest too…

But get prosecuted? There are so very few!
Worldwide there is deception, greed, murders, a hullabaloo…
For the Grenfell fire, justice is long overdue…
A Tory Council killed so many people, seventy-two!
Over Grenfell, the councillor’s actions are still under review!
It makes my blood boil and stew…

Why no protests? Cause they were immigrants or a Jew?
From Lithuania, India, China, Pakistan, or Timbuktu?
Misleading claims, lies, and cover-ups, for us to misconstrue,
The brave firefighters dejected, hitherto…
Their ladders were too short, they suffered Deja Vu,
The victims and relatives need justice, but from who?
Let’s be honest; prosecutions are long overdue!

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NEWS SNIPPETS

You can see why they needed so many weapons about…
All of their drugs, it’s worth the law to flout?
Bet they drink champagne, and the police on stout,
With so many weapons, they could give Putin a hand-out?
Every gang member, each one a lout!
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Well, these angelic little Angels would tempt most waverers on the bringing back hanging to reconsider! Don’t they look nervous?
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Can anyone help them?
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He was feeling a little depressed. This can happen to anyone…
Defending himself, is he an arrogant paragon arrogant?
Obviously, money-mad, being a plastic surgeon,
Why not an EENT man, cancer, or psychosurgeon?
Mayhaps he drinks champagne by the flagon?
Has an evening meal of caviar and sturgeon?
His hopes of being found innocent? A smidgeon!
If so, he can run away and start surgery in the Yukon!
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I hope this murdering scumball is not getting paid for his appearance on Gogglebox? I’d bet that he is!
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An Uber spokesperson said: “The safety of riders and drivers is a top priority for Uber, and this is a concerning report. We will investigate this incident.”
Must be more to this, worra you think?
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Result in the minus for the first time in a while!
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Inchcock continues to fail to win in the free Play-To-Win competition!
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These are the latest available records of Nottingham Violent Crime Statistics.
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ODE of UNRELATED THOUGHTS

Peripheral Neuropathy has made me ambisinister.
We’ve got Rishi or Lizzie for Prime Minister…
Either one could prove to be sinister,
I was never much of a student or educator…
But I self-taught myself later…
Which was a disaster…
He hated me… the headmaster,
On the balcony last night, I thought I saw Jupiter,
Taking 10-minutes of wee-weeing; makes me loopier…
Do you think my Arithmophobia…
Would it stop me from getting a job as a croupier?
I think my memory is getting more forgettier!
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Keep Safe.
Cheers!