Inchcock: Saturday 12th November 2022

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So, listen to this, you may not believe it, my maties:
I woketh up and soon had it worked out that I’d been asleep for very nearly eight hours! EIGHT HOURS! Danged well staggering!
I didn’t write the time on my memory pad, but it was almost light when I went to make a brew and take these two photos through the kitchen window. I didn’t make the tea after all and made for the wet room to get the Ablutionalisationing done. Collecting the clothes needed for afterwards, with me. 
The teeth-cleaning triggered , and it bled a fair bit. The shaving went well, just two teeny-weeny nicks, and they didn’t bleed much at all.
At had to divert to the before getting into the shower. That didn’t go so well. A smidge messy, it seems that is making a fight out of it, for control of the evacuations with . He’s ahead at the moment, and a messy result that needed much cleaning up and disinfectioning.
Amazingly one of the tiny on the neck started bleeding after I’d looffered the back. It reminded me of that Hotel horror movie. Hehehe! I wanted to take a photograph cause it did look scary with the blood swirling around the drain. But I hadn’t taken the camera in with me. Shame, that would have looked great in the blog! Tsk!
Being as it was Saturday, I decided to put the jammies back on with the heavy dressing gown. No deliveries (I thought at the time), nurses, only the carers to come today. (How even I can forget that the Iceland order was being delivered today...
Made a brew, did the and on the computer to feed the figures in the analyser a create the graphics. In the Red Hypertension – 1 zone again, but not too far away from the Amber. Content with this.

 

 

 

The Iceland man cometh
I remembered he was coming the moment I saw that…

I got the bags inside and sorted them out. I did wonder why I’d bought
the Starbucks Coffee at first.
But as I went on sorting the other stuff out, I remembered!
It was on offer at very nearly half the normal price. So I thought I get some in, in case the carers or nurses like them.
I may have made a mistake. If they do like them, I can’t afford to get any more at the full price, like.

But I can’t really see anyone liking them; cold coffee?
Got the bottles of wine for Christmas pressies. Two items short, but no substitutes, so that was good. Bread and Vegan pie missing.

  Arrived: it was during this visit that I had a mind-blank, I think. I know I was talking almost non-stop… or was I? Oh, I don’t know.
Many hours later, I sort of came around a lot and found this was the only other photo on the SD card.
Nothing concrete in the memory box, but maybe I was seeing this and thought about how active and fun-loving I was in those days. Or, maybe even proud of winning my first-ever angling cup fishing match award? Most likely, I was feeling guilty for fishing in the first place?
I had been working on CorelDraw and Excel doing a blog. I had no idea what time it was, and as I turned to look at the clock…
Came in. I reckon I was nattering away again. As Jodie was picking up the bags to leave, she said she could not get in the key safe. I went out to her, and we both tried again, but no luck. Must mention this to Deana or Julie.

I took some photos of the evening view.

Better check on the taps and stove. make sure I’ve not left anything that might be during my absence of awareness hours.

I tried catching up[ on the blogging.
Spent a few hours at it and realised things were not going well.

Which brought to mind the appointment at the Mental Health place regarding Doreen Dementia.
The address is confusing and long-winded; I’ll have a look at the Google map if I remember.
Hazelwood House, The Coppice, Highbury Hospital, Highbury Road, Bulwell, Nottingham NG6 6DR.
The bits of the letters and pamphlets I can read (and forget so easily). tell me:
Bring your Medications, Eyeglasses & hearing aids.
Wear a face mask. Use your own toilet before leaving home.
Bring only one carer/relative with you.
Bring your own drink if needed.
You must arrive for your appointment early.
Try not to be more than 5-minutes early.
Use the hand-sanitiser on arrival.
During your appointment, a hand sanitiser is to be used.
Leaving Your Appointment:
When finished, a member of staff will walk you through
showing you the way out.
I’ll have a look at the map now.

Not confident; I can’t find which reception I’ll need.
Knackered now. No desire for food or drink.

Get my head down, I think. Hope I’m up to doing Josie’s meal in the morning.

Changed my mind as I was getting the jammies on. I needed a meal, after all.

I made up a meal that looked okay. But it wasn’t; I was not concentrating, methinks. The veggie burger and pastie were only warm at best. The sausages were undercooked. Taste: 3/10!
Still, didn’t visit, so I had a good sleep for once.

Inchcock: Friday 11th November 2022

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04:30hrs: I can’t tell you I woke up cause I never got to sleep! Because I had   For all night long! I was forever getting up to stretch the calves, massage them and dollop on and rub in the Phorpain Gel. MedPhorpain
And take painkillers. I meandered into the kitchen to get the kettle on for a mug of Glengettie tea. I took these photos from the window; in two different settings, and the second came out much better than the first one did. But can I remember which settings?
Made a brew of the Glengettie, left the bag to marinate well, and I sorted out the waste bin bags. Had a wee-wee and cleaned and disinfected the NWWB (Nocturnal-Wee-Wee-Bucket)
To the computer with the tasty strong mug of black tea and photographed the calves; they were coming down, the carves were easing off now. As long as I do not spend too much time inactive, I hope they will stop twisting my legs. I can’t understand why they played up so much last night and just didn’t stop for about nine hours? However, they seem to have had a calming effect on the able ulcer; I could hardly see it this morning. Hey-Ho!
Finished the tea… ah, now that might be a possible reason for the bad Cramps. I’d run out of Glengettie teabags and not had any for a day or two until they were delivered yesterday. And had drunk a number of mugs last night? But I’ve never heard of that before? I’ll look it up later.

I’ll get the Health Checks done. hopefully, the results will again be in the Amber Zone? We shall soon find out…

Back up again!

Still, it’s better than Wednesdays!

I set to getting the Thursday post done, and after half an hour, I could feel the cramps building up in the calves again. So, I had a walk around and did some stretching exercises, which seemed to work for me.
Which reminded me to have a look on the web for tea and cramps. Back in a while…

Carbonated drinks, caffeine, and aerated drinks should also be avoided during menstrual days because they have high levels of sugar in them, which can cause inflammation and make the cramps more severe.

No mention of tea there, then?
I started reading another page, and it said: 13 more ways to stop period cramps. I moved on…
I altered my queries to “What to drink when legs are cramping?”
Black tea is safe to drink. When he switched to plain black tea, the symptoms disappeared within a week. The scientist who reported this case pointed out that the flavouring in Earl Grey tea is bergamot oil, which can block the movement of potassium in muscles. This can lead to muscle cramps and twitches.
Well, Glengettie is black tea. So that should be safe, then.

  Came in. She looked very tired, but I bored her with tales of my past Whoopsiedangleplops, which brought some smiles. She got the medications handed out.  A can of the new Carer’s treat I got from Asda. Rum & Cola, with strawberry. And a choccy bar in thanks. Took the waste bag with her as she departed! I thank you!

I was making another brew of Glengettie, and Esther came in.
she called int ogive me the change from the overpayment.

I’m going to get the ablutions done now… then get something to eat, and try to get caught up with some sleep… Pleeease! Sweet Morpheus!

I got sidetracked when I saw the wonderful evening sky from the kitchen window and decided they would be worth photographicalisationing.
The hue was so different. Bootiful!

I stripped and put the clobber in the laundry basket, well, bag.

I got into the bathroom, and the ablutioning went well, other than two things.

❶ I managed to get several nicks shaving, and they were a devil to stop bleeding. (Possible Warfarin INR level low?)
❷ After it all was washed and medicated and dried... I did feel like l a fool… I came out and put trousers and day-wear on to go to sleep in!. So I had to changed back into the jammies! Tsk!

🍽️ I got the meal sorted out.
That veggie minced beef & onion pie was gorgeous tasting! Brilliant vegan pastry.
Potatoes, tomatoes, and a pot of the soya lemon yoghourt. My regulation issue of BBQ sauce added, of course.
A well-worthy 8.2/10 for Taste-Rating.
As I got into the aged, grotty-looking c1966 made, charity-shop-bought, horribly beige-coloured, £300, Harold’s Haemorrhoid-testing, non-operational, acne-giving, virus-breeding, rickety, easy-to-fall-out-of recliner, I think I felt the start of a visit from ! I offered a prayer to anyone or thing interested, not to have another agony-ridden sleepless night.
Then thought it wise, to massage the legs.
Dolloped some Phorpain gel and rubbed it in well, and I took two paracetamol. Got back down again.
I’ve no idea if it really helped, but by Jimminee – once I got to sleep, I had the longest unbroken kip I’ve managed for years! (This should not be surprising, I suppose, considering last night’s total absence of sleep?) Damned nearly 8 hours before I woke up!
Sleep at last! Grrreat!.

Inchcock Today: Wednesday November 2nd, 2022

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I bounded out of the recliner, did some skipping, touching-toes, and a few press-ups, and went onto the balcony for the hip hinges and Tai-Chee exercises. I yodelled as was worked the weights. I gave out a loud “Whoop!” as I made a perfect double-flip-over loop.
NokiaI grabbed my Nokia G400, Android 13, 5G, 128GB, 6GB RAM, Glass front (Gorilla Glass 3.45), aluminium framed, Nano-SIM, GPS, GALILEO, microSDXC (dedicated slot), LED flash, HDR, panorama, FM radio, Type-C 2.0, USB. With On-The-Go Features; Sensors Fingerprint (side & rear-mounted), accelerometer, gyro, proximity, compass, and barometer. Li-Po 5000 mAh, non-removable. Charging Fast charging 20W – Power Delivery 3.0, N1530DL £345.25 mobile phone, and rang King Charles to see how he was going on and asked if he needed anyone else topping… Hahaha!
02:30hrs: Then I woke up, belched and got the taste of the cheesy potatoes I had last night come up my throat, and I took a swig of Tonic Water I’d flavoured with Roses lime juice – the two tastes did not go well together. But they blended together enough for me to get out of the £300, used, second-hand shop bought nine years ago, c1966, discomfiting, alarmingly Karki-beige coloured, crumb containing, TV remote hiding, not working recliner, on a mission to get myself a good string mug of tea, Glengettie perhaps, to rid my mouth and tongue of the terrible taste.
I caught my balance and was feeling in better shape than of late. Of course, that was corporeal.

Mentally I was a wreck; Thoughts wandered into my mind at will, no chance of me sorting out any that may need attention or were important though… The need for the Porcelain Throne arose. Yesterday morning the evacuation was rock solid torpedo style – knowing my cunning innards have the ability to alternate twixt brick-like torpedoes and slimy-sludge on each visit, I anticipated that Trotsky Terence would be in charge this morning. How wrong I was!
I sat there on the Throne and had to force things along painfully. I had the hearing aids in, so heard a rare plop every now and then as another one of the pebble-sized products was pressured-free, and it was like this for ages!
What made it more frustrating was that I’d left the crossword book in the three-wheeled walker trolley from yesterday! The cracks in the wet room ceiling seem to have reduced? I could only see 21 today? I’m sure there were 34 yesterday?
It must have been a good ten minutes or more before the last of the dark brown hazelnut-shaped turds was pressured into evacuating! What a relief I felt! But not for long; as I got up to clean things, I felt poor warm blood running down my inner thighs. I cleaned things up and gently applied some Germoloid ointment onto the pained area at the rear! Real Relief!
Had a stand-up wash.
I had a farce with trying to put in the Chloramphenicol antibiotic eye drops. More went down the cheek, in the nose and mouth than ever got close to the eyes! I got dressed and took a Senna tablet, just the one, to try to ease the concrete rear-end passengers’ trip to freedom on the next visit.

This could prove to be a mistake if Trotsky Terence makes a comeback on my next visit to the Porcelain Throne?
To the kitchen to make a brew of tea. This time it will be a tasty Thompson’s Punjana The kettle was put on.
I took this shot of the car park below from the kitchenette window. It was drizzling with rain at the time, but I’m blown if I can see any in this rather decent picture? To the balcony…
Where I spotted the rain-induced mudslide from the nearby Woodthorpe Grange Park, had made another entrance into the end car park.
I think there is a drain under the water, but obviously, it isn’t coping very well when we get a rainstorm. The people taking the dogs for a walk and crap go via this route, coming and going… I’ve forgotten why I said this now! Dementia Doreen! I can say this now the Doctor’s confirmed my latest ailment. Hehehe!

Sounded, and in came . I had forgotten to unlock the front door again! apart from giving me a sideways glance and tutting as he came in, he was fine about it. Haha!
What a great Carer Ricard is. As we got into the room, he produced a list in an envelope of all my medications and how much and when they are given. Worra, great chap! I thanked him profusely and pulled out the pink gins I got for him yesterday at Lidl’s. That was a marvellous thing to do for me; another worry over the trip to the hospital was now sorted! Merci Mon Ami, Richard!
I fear he was over-yawning again. But this didn’t stop us from having a little natter and laugh after he gave me the medications.
After he’s left, taking the waste bags with him, I found a bag with some bottled water, a rice meal and chilli in it – it was for Richard! Thanks again, Doreen!

Back to the computer. This time, thanks to Jenny, I was expecting it. Yet an hour or so later, it came back on? And seemed a little quicker. But an hour later, it was back to slow coaching. We’ll see if it goes off again… if they are upgrading, it must surely go off again? Or the upgrading has failed… hard to believe from Liberty Global Virgin Media, Hahaha!

So, I got a meal made up. It looked good, and most of it was fine. Those gorgeous Frikadellens tasted superb!
The tomatoes were just grand and sweet flavoured, both yellow and red ones.
The Lidl Parmesan potatoes, let it down. They were so tasteless! But looked and smelt good? Taste: 6/10.

GC sleepSat down to wait for the Carer to arrive . And that was it until the Evening arrived, and I got a rude awakening stirring me back to life when the chimed from the power box in front of me, forcing a Shake, Rattle & Roll in surprise, and I all but fell out of the recliner!
The lad Jozeph looked so weary and tired, he’s even caught the yawning bug from Richard – both hard-working Carers. It looked so odd when yawned with his facemask on. Hehehe!
I tried to cheer him up. He got the medications sorted. He even cleaned the Pentax measure-dose pot for me and returned it to the carer’s desk. Had to push him to select a can of pop in thanks. Walked to the door to lock it, and he took the waste bags to the shoot with him.

GC sleepI thought I’d try the computer again to see if it was reconnected yet, to update this blog. But my body and mind had other ideas for me… I again!
And I stayed there for hours. But it was an often broken sleep, interspersed with weird dreams. Short odd senseless ones and I woke up after each one. At least, it felt like I did, to lay there trying to fathom out what it was all about, then drift off and have another dream that was short and unfathomable to me. Repetition is the word needed here.

PART RECOLLECTIONS OF THE FIRST DREAM

I dreamt I was an auctioneer...
Folks were bidding to buy gunpowder?
But I knew it was only chowder flour?
Some as they ran to their helicopter…
Said, “Aha, we’ll blow up another tower!”
A policeman I.D.’d himself, a CID inspector…
He asked them to reconsider…
Cause there had no M.O.T. for their copter…
This dream couldn’t have been gimpier!

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Evening all!

Inchcock: Monday 24th October

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After roughly four hours of kip, I was jolted, mentally-viciously awake at 02:00hrs. I spent the next three hours or so trying to get back to sleep. It was very frustrating as it had taken me hours to get to sleep in the first place. But it didn’t bother me much at all.
At 05:30ish, the need for a wee-wee forced me to abandon my plans to get back to sleep. Not that it mattered, there was not a chance of it happening, thanks to Sweet Morpheus being in a bad mood with me again.

By the time I’d got myself onto my feet and caught my balance, I’d decided to get the done. I divested the jammies, and gathered the clothes needed to put on, and limped to the wet room. Things went very well. I even managed to get the socks on without having to battle, one which I was bound to lose against .
In this photo, I was resting painfully with my right leg on the WC seat. You wouldn’t believe the again I went through to get it up there! Did you see the Deep vein thrombosis veins had started to appear again? I’ll mention this when the DVT Nurse comes again. I can show her this picture… Of course, it’ll drive her passion again for me; when she sees them, her eyes will twinkle, and she’ll move closer to me and have a feel… Hehehe!

Well, even I realised after the ablutionalisationing session was over; I’m been exceptionally lucky this morning, and I really had, mate. had not attacked me at all, and I’d been up and about for over an hour by then! No Dizzies, walking into anything. (although it would not be too long until I did, and more than once!) Not dropping anything (Ah, I did drop the toothbrush, sorry). was noticeable by her absence, but were not too bad… (mind you, I haven’t dropped anything on them or stubbed a toe yet) and no… I’d better not mention anything else, don’t want to push my luck. I went into the kitchen, and I took a photo of the view from the window. I doctored it later to this shape.
Not too bad a job either. He says…
Sorted some waste bags out. Took all four to the waste chute. It’s funny how I suddenly had so many? A Blank? Have I spoken too soon?

Got a text from Iceland telling me they had been forced to make substitutions. Fancy that!
I got the started, and made up these graphics with the results.
Look at that! A near-perfect body temperature resulted for today. I had a feeling that I was doing too well, you know!

The SYS & DIA combined and were in the Hypertension Red zone again, so, no surprise there, then.

The 7-Day Excel record is looking betterer, but it still confuses me how they allot the colours?


I was working merrily away on CorelDraw, and it had another blip! They stand-need to tell me the price has increased!.
It started freezing again, but I waited long enough on three occasions, and it did start once more. I’m not sure how much longer it will last?

arrived as I was putting some potatoes into the crock-pot. Soon got the medications sorted out for me. Then I had him in tucks, telling him about the trousers dropping down on Sunday. Hehe!
Unfortunately, but not unexpectedly for me, as we were going along the corridor, I clouted my elbow on the funny bone on the closet door! Richard’s face lit up, and laughter broke out. He said: “I wonder why they call it the funny bone,
I walked him to the door, and we parted, both of us laughing. I even gave him a thumbs-up sign as he disappeared through the end flat lobby door, and then, still smiling with pleasure, I went back into the flat…
And fell arse-over tit when I tripped against the three-wheeler-trolley guide. I ended up a flobby mass of a dishevelled pensioner… the worst bit was hitting my head against the radiator on the way down, then bounced in a fashion sideways, hitting my right shoulder on the opposite wall, rolling into the towel airer, knocking it flying! Ending up with a leg bent underneath my body mass, the other stuck through the tubes on the fallen heater!

I went on hands and knees to the recliner and got myself up again. That was enough work for me for a day or two! Hahaha! After cleaning myself up, Phorpain Gelling the shoulder, and Germoleneing the forehead, I got back to the memory notepad to write my experiences to go on today’s blog. That is if I ever get Sundays finished first!

The intercom flashed, and the Iceland delivery arrived.

The delivery man threw the things into some carrier’s bags and departed the flats and the boxes. I got the bags into the kitchen.

Very luckily, I remembered the potatoes bubbling away in the crock pot, and I turned them off. Always the hero I am! Very strongly in this case! “Shurrup!” Alto-Ego; No, I won’t!
Unloaded the items. The strawberries were part of the Warden’s treats. I’ll take them down with the other stuff this afternoon.
The burgers, which are the favourites of Carer Richard, and be given to him each day so he doesn’t overeat. Hahaha!
The treats for the Carers were hidden from view, so they will be a surprise when they get them offered to them.

I got back to the computer, and I had an email from Asda. Thinking it was about Wednesday’s order and/or substitutes, I opened it to investigate. There were three substitutions and two not available. ! The order is coming today, not Wednesday!
Now my spirits sank a bit. When I realised I’d made another bloomer. Then…
The intercom went. The DVT Haematology Nurse, Hristina, had arrived. Now, I expect you will think that I either forgot or got the date wrong for this blood-taking session? Me? Well, yes, you’d be right! Hristina is an Angel. I have two Angels, one in the UK and one beauty in the US of A. She is Lisa-Petal, HRH (Her Royal Highness), or Sweetheart, and I’ve never met her. Yet she keeps me going. HRH and Hristina are like each other in many ways. Billum, HRH’s hubby, is my Cyber-Buddy

Gonna have to rush this, it’s getting late, so I’ll type in shorthand – Hehehe! I was looking out of the kitchen window at the rain and the Asda delivery man arrived next.

He was throwing things a great distance to get crushed, broken or misshapen! Got them stored away. I struggled to get everything in the fridge and freezer.

I tried ringing Deana and Julie the wardens, to see if they were in so I could take the treats down to them. They are always busy, but Mondays are horrendous for them. This is why I thought I’d ordered their bits for Wednesday. Tsk! No answers and I had no room to put them in the fridge either, so I went down hoping to find them.

Down in the lift and through the Winwood Court link passage. The office in Winwood’s foyer looked to be closed and locked up.

So I meandered into the Winwood Social and had a nosey around.

Got to the other end, and I turned back
This is on the third photo down.

Looks nice, doesn’t it?
Not many folks around, though.

I caught Julie coming back to the office and gave her the carrier bags. She looked busy, so I didn’t stop for a natter. Much as I wanted to.

Back into Woodthorpe Courts, in the lift lobby and back to flat number 72. I thought it best, with me lining there.
Worked away at this blog for several hours. It was slow-going, error-ridden etc.

Arrived and got the medications sorted. We had a little chinwag of sorts, and she asked about the Sever Frailty Test results. I’d forgotten about the bus fare change again! I’ve a tenner and some change but not enough for the trip. I asked Jodie what I could do, but between us, nothing matured. I asked her to remind me to ask Deana if she could look into the chance of me paying monthly with my card. Too late for tomorrow, but if she could set it up, it’ll be a load off of my mind.

I had a look at the squashed and damaged ready meals I’d bought. I quite fancied the Vegan Chilli-Non-Carne.

But the time was late, and I was tired and frustrated. I ended up having a veg pastie and a few of the potatoes from the slow cooker.
Not the most inspiring of meals. Nor the best tasting. But it did me.
I know that I’m not going to get to sleep again tonight. I’m too uptight at myself for all the mistakes I’ve made; the main one, at this moment, is not sorting out the money to pay for the lift to the Doctor’s for the results of the Severe Frailty Test in the morning.

I’m sorry, but Carer Jodie has just been, and it’s so late. She reminded me about the Doctors in the morning. I think the clout on my head has affected me. Too late for me to sort out the cash for the lift. I’ll see if the Wardens can help me in the morning before I leave.

I really hope I can get some sleep. I need it badly. But Anne Gyna is still going away at me, worry about the money situation, and even the bruise on my head is stinging more now.

No sleep allowed again. I got up and carried on with this blog, then posted it off around 02:00hrs.

Friday 26th August 2022

Opening Political Cartoon
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I woke up and was on my way to the NWWB (Nocturnal-Wee-Wee-Bucket) within 30-seconds of stirring back into ersatz life! With managing to almost fall out of the £300, second-hand, c1968, charity shop-bought, eyesorely-horrendously grungy coloured, Harold Haemorrhoid-testing, easily-falloutable from, unfit-for-use, not working, recliner last night. I don’t know how I didn’t lose contact with the Amazon-bought, uncomfortable, plastic-peeling-off-of swivel chair! Hahaha! Yes, I’d fallen asleep at the computer!

The wee-wee was of the variety of UTD (Unwilling-Trickling-Dribbling) and CM (Cessational-Micturitional dribbling). The after-dribble after the initial wee-wee, possibly tool three times longer!
As I turned back with the bucket to be emptied held in my hands, I stubbed my toe against the ottoman! My reaction to saving the bucket from being dropped; was nothing short of a miracle. I dropped it, but not from a great height, and the liquid stayed in the bucket. Naturally, as the pain shot up the leg to the brain, I merely laughed it off. No cursing whatsoever.

I got the bucket emptied, sanitised and disinfected, and got on with the task of sphygmomanometerisationing.
I was jolly-well pleased with the Blood

Pressure figures. I put them in the medical site’s programme and returned this descriptive graph. I remembered that the Riverside Diabetes meeting for today had been cancelled as I was doing the readings.
I added my graphics to it in the name of entertainment… and because I love making them for a bit of fun.
After four days in the red zone, one day nearly of-off the graph: Things seem much improved today. Back in the amber area, that’s where I like it to be as well. Although two years ago, I had one day in the green Zone. Yes! That’s been my target ever since! If I live long enough, I might achieve this.

Aha! My spirits rose enormously! This morning’s Carer was Carol-Anne! Not seen her for months, many months. I thought she’d left to be honest.
What a precious gal. I had to give her a kiss and cuddle on her arrival. Carole didn’t mind, bless her. She spoke of the extra hour on Fridays, not having been since it was so-called arranged. I explained: It was initially for the Carer to do the laundry. But sometimes the laundry would come back not dried, and the clothing wrinkly. Also, I had not had socks, bobble hats, and shirts returned. Conversely, I have made a hand towel, tea towel, and pair of ladies’ knickers. I’m still paying for the hour, even though I’m paying Esther to do the laundry. She does a good job, and Esther hangs up the trews and shirts for me. Also as well as and besides that, she sews missing buttons on for me. Carol and I had an excellent nattering session, mostly me bemoaning my plight with the Diabetes, PN and Doctors farce. As I was paying for the hour, she lent me an ear. Hehehe! She checked the dates on the stuff in the fridge for me, cheese and ready meal found out of date. She will talk with my Doctor for me when she gets back to work. Carol has a few days off, going with her Mum away for a while. Great! She had to rush off after the hour, another call to make.

I spent many hours on CorelDraw before getting onto the blogging. Most of it was accompanied by Herbert’s mechanical concert from above. Percussion and drums mostly, with an odd clunk, throw in for good measure.

It was well into the afternoon before I started the daily ode and cartoon-creating. But I love doing the blog. Sometimes my hoard of followers and fans comment on them, you know. Why, on one day, only last month, both of them did!

That took a while too. Better get summat to eat before the evening carer arrives. Now then, what’s in the fridge freezer to have? I shall investigate… hang on; I’ve got some potatoes already on the boil.

Hang on, I’ve got to get the Warfarin tablets cut. So, I will do that. All done!
I’ll get a meal of some sort sorted out. Potatoes, tomatoes, and pretend fish sticks, it looks like. Good job. I’ve got the JS order coming on Sunday. It’s looking bare in the fridge after throwing away the short and out-of-date food. Tsk!

I’ll have a rummage around to see what can be found. To make a decent meal… Doreen makes me feel a schlemiel!

Well, I managed to knock up a half-acceptable-looking plate of fodder.
Imitation fish sticks, crispy onions, tomatoes, gherkins and those terribly-tasteless so-called by J Sainsbury, new potatoes. The overall flavour score was 6.4/10. The tomatoes and pretend fish sticks were not bad.

Arrived late, into that it mattered to me. Two Carers, one presumably a trainee. I was in a half-daze from being rudely awakened (Haha!), so I cannot say who it was that came or what happened. I recall telling them to help themselves to a treat on the top of the bookcase. Then walking to the door with them to lock it and wishing them well.

After that, I got down in the recliner again and started to watch the end of the heartbeat programme. I and my nodding off again. I woke for a wee-wee with a mammoth amount of

Back to the TV, nodded off again, and woke for another wee-wee! With the regulation .

Fell asleep again and woke up with the Dirty Harry film being shown; it was just starting. I decided to try and enjoy viewing it and bugger the sleeping. Ah, I like Clint Eastwood films.

At least another ten or twelve times and had to have four more wee-wees.

Woke up with the film credits scrolling down the screen! Well, that was Farcical!

I was worn out by then.
One final wee-wee with , and off to the wet room to clean and freshen up. Changed into new PPs, of course.
Straight off into the land of nod when got down again.
Overnight, I had to force myself awake eight more times for a wee-wee! Each one was short and sharp. Thankfully there were no more leakages, seepages or in these ones.

What an Oddlimost day!

ENDING POLITICAL CARTOON

Inchcock Today: Saturday 13th August 2022

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

12:05hrs: I was abruptly woken by the mind-numbing regulation jolt this morning.  It took me a few minutes to gather the time, where I was, and who I was! Hehehe! Most annoyingly, because I was having a dream, enjoying a dream. The nature of which may not be suitable for blogging. It didn’t do me as good as it happens; Being torn from heavenly bliss, and believing it was actually happening, is cruel in the extreme. The sadness and disappointment in realising it just being a dream is heartbreaking. However, it’s best not to have such goals in the first place. I may need an extra beta-blocker!

Bootiful moon. I had to lean out of the kitchenette window to get it. Had to take four shots to get this one that was usable for my readers. Har-har! Mother Nature at her finest! Sorry, I could not get a better photo of it; I dun me best!

Closing the window, I knocked a bottle off of the window ledge. Although it didn’t break, it landed on a soft part… my big toe that the foot lady cut yesterday! It had to be a heavy glass bottle, the Squid Vinegar.

I needed a wee-wee, it didn’t seem urgent, so I got the kettle on and nipped into the Throne Room. It was a trickling affair that must have taken five minutes to get rid of a few fluid ounces. Zipping up Little Inchies spy hole, I only just got it down again in time for the after-micturition to drip. Minutes later, the zipper was utilised likewise, and the same thing happened. Which must have been another five or six minutes! Worra life! So I decided to have a sit down as I waited patiently for the leaking to stop.

However, such matters… well, anything concerning the brains malfunctioning, mentally, like; is nowadays down to the Demoness Dementia Doreen, I’m afraid.
Like yesterday’s mind-blank in Bulwell, I think I lost about half an hour of memory. How could I walk all that way to the Poundland Shop without my recalling anything about it?
The worrying bit about this one was when I sort of realised where I was, in the shop, with some products already picked and put into the three-wheeler trolley basket; I didn’t panic at all. I seemed to feel lucky I wasn’t mugged or been run over.

Trying now, looking back, to find any other reason or cause other than Doreen. I lay there this morning musing over this incident and my reactions to it.  I know I had just had a lot of hassle with the Diabetes meeting going all wrong… The farce with the hearing aids and strangers trying to help me, well, they did, and that was heartwarming! But cataracts and deafness made it impossible for me to participate in the proceedings.
Disgustingly, I felt sorry for myself and sulked with the frustration of it all. It was immediately after my departure that the mind-blank occurred. This may be part of the causes of the blanks. I don’t get them often, but each time previously, they worried me. But this time, I just accepted the situation. I started fretting, later on, mind. Hehehe! I hope someone reads this who knows me, and friends and family… no, both of them, maybe then they’ll understand my situation better. The guilt at my self-centred actions is still fresh in my mind – I see that Dementia Doreen has not stolen that memory… Bitch!
There are bound to have been people in that room with worse ailments than I have, but all I could think of were mine. I intend to make some amends at the next meeting, and be upfront, and tell Nathanial about my needing to be facing any talker, even with the hearing aids in, and not facing any light or sunshine, to give my one semi-good eye a chance. And importantly, to apologise to the others for ruining their meeting. If they accept me back, this must be done.
Waffled on a bit there, didn’t I? Sorry!

Up A Bit More Today!
SYS 151, DIA 67 Pulse 72 (Down a smidgeon) Body Temperature, 34.3°f, excellent.
The room temperature was 81°f, and the outside one from the web information was 85f. Another warm one?
Put the numbers on the NHS DVT page and got this graph up. Not the photo of me and writing. That was me trying to be creative.

, Is kicking off early today. Blimey, it must be a big order; it’s been non-stop for ages. Nowt too loud this time, just sounding like annoying tap-tapping and scratching, scuffing sounds. Richard the Caring-Heart may have a rush job on… or not. He might be having a bath. Hahahaha! I am awful!

This on the left is the message I got back from the NHS about the test results. I offered a few comments on their comments and suggested recommendations and actions to take to lower the BP.

Got yesterday’s blog completed; it took a few hours. Posted it off, and I sent the email links. Went to make a brew of Glengettie, and ♫Oh, Susana♫ chimed out.
Samantha came in, and I’m delighted to report she was patient and listened to my tale of woe, from yesterday’s Diabetes Lesson, the mind-blank, the punch-up on the Vale, the foot-lady trying to sever my big toe, patiently! Bless her cotton socks!

I came across some more undecipherable parts of the reminder notes again. Just a line and a half of terrible scribble. Can’t work out many words, but it went like this… No, I’ll take a photo of it, and then someone may be able to read it and let me know. Hang on, I’ll get the camera…
Gorrit took a photo of it, and here it is on the left.
I think the Nicodemus’s Neurotransmitters must have been offline when I wrote some of these notes, comical reminders.

♫Oh, Susana♫  burst into life again. It was the Amazon delivery lady with the boxes of various nuts I’d ordered.
Seems like a lot looking at the boxes, but they weighed very little, apart from one.
The delightful chocolate walnuts and white yoghourt cashews were a real treat for me.
The extra unique trial crisps of a sort I looked forward to trying with a certain relishness! Seaweed crisps and Shitakka dried mushroom crisps! I shall report on them after I’ve tried them. (Lower down) Cleared away the boxes to the waste chute and started making something to eat. Using the shortest use-by dates that I could read. Any I can’t read will have to be dished.

Success! Fishless fish sticks,  chips, tomatoes and two oven-baked bread rolls. Not classy stuff, but it suits my essentially lower-class, impecunious, plebian, proletarian and bourgeoisie upbringing. I was ten before I had my first hot meal, and I had to toast that on the coal fire. I tell a fib there, not intentionally. I’d get home from school and do my evening paper rounds to find the chipped enamel off-white bowl on the homemade kitchen sink lean-to, with a couple of Oxo cubes and some mouldy bread. There would be a note left somewhere “Dinner on draining board” Happy days. So this was a feast for me. Waffled on a bit there, again. Tsk!
The eyes are getting tired sooner every day. I’m hoping cataracts can be done sooner rather than later. They played a big part in my getting into such a mess, frustrated, and in the end, having the memory blank at the Diabetes session at the Riverside.

I had the meal and drifted off with the tray and things still on my knee. Got a couple of hours in. The tray was in the same position when I woke up.

Arrived; unfortunately, I’d just taken off my trousers. But Valerie always presses the doorbell, so I had time to get behind the door, wave my hand around it, asking her to wait a while. It’s job gerrin’ owd, innit! I’m not sure when Val is leaving, but I’ll miss her. She’ll miss me too; there may not be treats for her at the care home she’s going to work at. Hahaha!
After Val left for another hour or so, I nodded again, then got up to tend to the blogging needs.
But, being so tired, the concentration and eyes not working correctly – I got into the same pickle with CorelDraw as two days ago. It took me well into Monday morning to sort it out again. So no point in getting my head down now. At least I got some sleep in earlier. Humph!

Morning All!

Inchcocks Tuesday 1st June 2022 – With Ode

Inchies Ode to Failed Wishes

I wanted Mummy to love me for sure…
But crime had caused her departure…
Police caught her in a cottage on the river Nure,
But that was years later, not really a cure…

I wanted to become a competent swimmer…
But I soon discovered that I was scared of water,
I soon got Inchcock as a new nomenclature…
I fought to get into the footy team, the agony I did endure…
But I was useless; I even thought of becoming a friar!

Things were depressing and getting dire…
Then we had a nasty frying pan fire…
Left me scalded, but to the pain, I am no stranger,
The most used word to me was Shurrup! I was a chinwagger…
I once poked myself in the eye with a penny banger!

I try dancing, the Twist and the Conger…
Of course, I can’t do them any longer…
In those days, I was younger and stronger,
And, I was earning some serious wonga,
All of which I’ve spent and have no longer…

Nowadays, my life is a little austerer…
To socialisationing, I’ve become a sightseer,
My ailments often mean that I feel a bit queer…
So when someone relates to me, I hold it dear…
But folks generally keep away, don’t come near!

I became a Headway volunteer…
Tried to give the patients a little cheer
We’d share Monopoly, darts and the odd root beer…
I’ve never been any kind of profiteer…
Eventually, they said I was becoming battier…

Why? was it some form of solastalgia?
I found out it was due to Peripheral Neuralgia,
I was definitely getting a little crochetier…
And my body was getting heftier… fatter,
I decided that this didn’t matter…

With my self-hatred, I felt evermore guiltier…
My calling myself names got much nastier,
If I just accept things, maybe life may come easier…
I even went to speak with the local vicar…
He touched what he shouldn’t. I’m now a nonbeliever!

I still press on, getting wobblier and clumsier,
To avoid depression, I tried to keep myself busier,
Each day I get crappier, creepier, and dizzier…
Even the carers think that I’m getting barmier!
I admit I’m getting poorlier, older and bolshier!

There’s no denying that I’m getting more Clishmaclaver…
Numbers, figures calculation I can no longer figure,
I muse over my fear, praying there may be a cure…
Against the darkness of gloom, I cannot enure!

Even talking to myself, I’m getting more spitefuller…
I can’t reason things sometimes; that makes me mardier…
And my body is aching so, and getting lardier…
My wee-weeing is more frequent and dribblier,
My Haemorrhoids are bloodier and much itchier!

The short term memory is confused, vaguer, muddier…
And used to be such an excellent rememberer!
At this moment, I don’t know if it’s March or September?
Have I put the oven on yet? I’ll have a gander…
No, I’ve not; what else have I missed on my agenda?
Well, I left the hot tap on… frustration and anger!

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Diary Tuesday 1st June 2022

  After perhaps twenty jump-awakes, I gave up on the 21st or so and rose onto my feet for a wee-wee at 04:10hrs. Grumph!

The leak was free of Pre and After Micturitional Dribbling. Well, that was something! It sort of got me in an up mood.

I trotted off to the wet room to empty and sanitize the wee-wee bucket, and I got the Ablutions done while I was in there. There was only one tiny nick shaving and two dropsies, none of which caused any bother. A good session as well this time.

Got the Blood Pressure and Temperature sorted out. Despite the lousy night’s limited sleep and unending damned shooting awake, I was not in a bad mood, with a jump almost! They are getting worse each night?

SIA 136. DIA 71 and the Pulse were at 77bpm, I think. Cataracts etc., making it hard for me to see. The body temperature was still slightly low at 33.6°c, but not a lot below the 35.0°c target. It might be more explicit when blogging.

I nipped off to make a waste bag-up and got some potatoes in the saucepan to marinate in the fish sauce before boiling later on. I was on form today!

Made a brew of Thompson’s Punjana tea, and the early morning sky caught my good eye. The cloud looked like it would turn into an alien spaceship and burst into view. I must have got the idea from a film that I’d seen? I’ll remember it! Got some photo’s from the SD card onto the computer. And started to do the Ode Tuesday blog.

200 0 0 Porc I’d not gotten far with the odeing, and the call to the Porcelain Throne arrived from the innards. Trotsky Terence shared control; along with Constipation Konrad; I know it doesn’t make sense. But again, the movement took ages to get started and needed so much effort it was painful with it when it did begin, which wasn’t for a long time. I even got some answers in the crossword! But when things moved, they were cripplingly slow, and the final desperate push exited not rock hard as the first few but messy and gooey? What? I didn’t like that session at all!

Back to the odeing and got it finished at last. Getting ready to review the blog before posting, and ♫ Oh, Susana ♫ Chimed out. As soon as I heard it, I remembered I’d not yet unlocked the door. So, I did!

The look on Carer Richard’s face was with a place in the Tate Gallery! Worth a thousand words. Amongst them would be, “You pillock, you’ve forgotten again to unlock the door!” Hehe!

I was busy on the blogging, but due to a three-hour circumlocution of great vagueness, I can only use the scribbled notes to guess what took place. Here they are as best I can decipher them: Ode… rushing, emailed, Facebooking, WP Comments, WP Reader… Ode for today… Conrad Confusion, mind-blanks… rampant wee-wees…

I checked on the spuds to find that I’d not turned on the heat. Plonker! 

Herbert was not so bad today, not as loud. But still persistent throughout.

Took Strawberries unwanted by Richard to Josie. Got the nosh sorted out. Beer battered chips were great, and new potatoes with BBQ sauce and a ketchup dip pot. Sourdough bread, veg sausages, and tomatoes. Baby banana to follow. 8.2/10.

Still vague-minded, no idea who came… yes, I have; it might have been Cheeky-Charley… Yes, I think it was. Bless her.

Grrreat! I nodded off within ten minutes and stayed that way for three solid hours! Then the jumping-awake started again… Grumph!

Inchcock v Alto – The Suicide Discussion

“Oi, pay attention, Inchcock; it’s your devoted, friendly, happy-go-lucky Alto-Ego here. Bringing you news and a…

Eh, erum… Oh, Sod-Off!

That’s nice, innit! I’ve come to warn you of the explosions in the gut, and all yer do is get antisocial wiv me?

Well, that’s cause I’m sitting here on the Porcelain Throne for the ninth time today, coping with the eruptions mentioned above in my stomach! You’re a little late in telling me…

Don’t get nasty turd-face, no need for insults! Anyway, if you want to nit-pick, I said explosion, not eruption, so there! Haha! I got here as fast as I could…

For an Alto who claims to have been in existence for thousands of years, you are very childish at times, mate… What were you doing in the guts anyway?

Obvious innit?

No!

Why do they keep sending me to thicko-idiots to threaten and get depressed? If yer must know, I was checking yer body for any new signs of ailment, injuries or the likes…

What for… No, no, don’t tell me… It’s so you can worry, annoy and depress me, innit?

Oh, yes, clever clogs! An’ I did it too! See? Your Blood Pressure has shot up, spittle is building in yer throat, and you’re in agony with trots… I bet Haemorrhoid Harold is bleeding as well?

Yea, putting it that way, you’re nearly right...

Owd on… nearly right? How am I not spot-on then, freckle-balls?

It proved yer lied when you first disturbed me.

You coffin-seeker! Lied, ruggish! Everyfing I say is John-Bull and Cosher!…

Yer? Like, “It’s your devoted, friendly, happy-go-lucky Alto-Ego here? Devoted, friendly, you? You are an unwanted blight on me mentality!

Well, thank you very much; I appreciate that. It proves that I’m doing my job successfully and adequately: “Assure at all times that your client is DFF; Depressed, Frustrated, in Pain. For extra Alto points, you human having suicidal tendencies a minimum of once a day…” “Achieving an 80% success rate is required” – Now that’s in the Alto-Ego job description!

So?

I proved I have the credentials for promotion…

How can you get a promotion when I’m yours, and you are mine? What did you call it? Client or human? You’ve already said you’re stuck with me, so what kind of promotion can you get clever clogs?

Gawd, you’re thick as a pancake with hebetude! When you kick the bucket, snuff it, I might be moved on to a politician, bank director or even Putin. Then…

Putin?

Yer that’d be cushty. We had a bit of a drawback with Putin, never been known before, but his Alto-Ego went mad. He’s had to be delisted. No doubt he’ll be moved to some war immigrant in another country. Putin with me by his side could rule the planet… not that it’s got much time left, mind you…

 Has it not? I expected as much...

Crap! You’re too thick to work owt out, Inchcock; you’ve been reading Billum’s blog, ain’t yer…

Well, yes, and he’s dead right...

You’ll be the dead one, Fungle-Knob: although I’ve not worked out the best way to nobble yer yet. I’ve thought about getting into Putin’s brain; just think of it…

Hang on, I’m getting confused here…

Nothing new there, dog-breath…

Can we start again?

Oh, so now yer want to converse with me? You want to make your feeble, befuddled mini-mind up! Dumbo!

You said you can’t hurt your human?

Oh yer, right, but only physically, now mentally, is another matter. And being as you are already halfway to being bonkers, discussions like these will soon tip you over the edge, and hey-presto, you’ll be dead, and I can put my bid in to be sent to Mr Putin, see… easy!

How are you planning to top me then?

I’m glad yer asked me brain-dead. I see there are three possible options.

One: You’ll get a heart attack from hearing the truth from me…

Two: You’ll do the decent thing and swig a litre of chlorinated bleach and drink it with ten Beta-blockers, Warfarins, and a good swig of liquid Codeine. I know they are regulated, but if you can time it for when you just get the prescriptions delivered, I advise you to take the whole packet of Morphine sulfate to be safe. Then stick all the remaining Enoxaparin Injections into your belly. (Not that it will matter where now). Then open the balcony window, make sure no one is below… No, no! Better not dive out of the window; with your eyesight, there may be someone on the pavement to crush when you land, and that’s not fair. Just stick with the bleach, medications and injections; they should do the job efficiently.

Three: you will have one of your tumbles when the neurotransmitter nerve-ends fail, and you fall forwards, trip over yer walking stick on the way down, and crack yer head a good belt on the sharp corner of the end counter… you’ll basically bleed to death, and be found the following day by a Carer, who after clearing out any valuables, will call the paramedics, but you be declared dead in your kitchenette floor, probably around 08:33hrs tomorrow. Oddly enough, your prescription delivery day, Hehehe! Well, you asked, you gormless dunderhead, Hahaha!

Thanks, I did ask, didn’t I? Well, that’s honest enough, Alto. Although I’m a little concerned at your going into great detail on option two? Suicide. It sounds to me like this is your favoured route to my demise?

Well, it’s the least bother for me, and I can shoot off and go Putin-hunting straight away. I’ll make my report first, of course. Should you plump for committing Hari-Kari, I promise I’ll make a good praising report of you and your actions to the Alto-Ego Controller. They don’t get many of those; I think Florence Nightingale was the last human to get one. You could live in fame in your death, mate!

I could live in fame in my death?’ Somehow, that doesn’t sound very attractive to me at the moment…

Ah, that’s cause you are temporarily not frustrated or depressed. That’s thanks to me, see. Bringing good news and advice to you again… Giving you thoughts that grabbed your attention and shooed away destructive emotions. I really hope you go for the choice to autodarwinate. It makes the most sense all around…

 Maybe for you, but not for me…

Whyever not, Numbskull? I’m sure you are going to say that Altos can’t die, so have no idea what it’s like?

  No, but that’s a good point; what’s your answer to your own question then?

Oh, dearie me, my ugly duckling. Is it not so obvious what I was referring to? I shall miss you your ignorance, unknowingness, innocence, duality, absent-mindedness, scepticism, ambivalence, and lack of sophistication when I’ve moved on… thankfully!

No!

Oh, you dense creature! What power I have given you…

Wot power ‘ave you given me?

How many people have the knowledge of when they are going to die?

How do I know? You’re bamboozling me again…

No, Knuckle-Mouth! I’m empowering you. You can pick your timing to take the suicide route, lock the door to prevent any interruptions, and just resign yourself to the nothingness that will follow, a certainty within minutes… minutes of pain, yes. Still, you will be well prepared for that, having led a pain-ridden emotional and physical life, so what does a couple of minutes of further pain mean to you? Nothing! No ailments, no food orders to get wrong, substituted items, nothing to forget or learn, no crime, no emotional topsy-turvy; a state of utter bliss is death! Which is where you will be going, mate – into nothingness – no noisy neighbour above you, no rent, tax or fuel prices rising to fret over.

Inchcock & Alto-Ego, launch into Q&A Odeing Mode…

  You keep harking back to suicide.

That is for you, my Button-Willy, to decide!

But will life never be indemnified?

Not until your death is verified!

Suicide? All my hopes will be pulverised,

Which is better than being lobotomised!

My friends will miss me, far and wide…

Friends, you? Now your telling porky-pies!

This conversation is like Morecome and Wise!

Death can be a pleasure, do you realise?

I’m not so sure… it’s a sacrifice?

In death, there’ll be no one who vilifies?

My ailment, all gone, pain defies…

Freedom, nothing left to visualise!

So, Covid has gone; no need to immunise?

You must get your thoughts strategised!

The thought of nothing does tantalise…

Alto sensed Inchcocks resistance to suicide weakening…

That’s the spirit, Inchcock, my old fruit…

Hold a minute, just wait...

Indeed, my old cocker, you take your time…

Take me time? What in or at?

Choosing which way to die…

I’m not sure how we got into discussing suicide?

Well, you wanted to know the best way to do it.

I did?

Yes, plan B you went for…

Plan B?

Yes, you decided you’ll do the decent thing and swig a litre of chlorinated bleach and drink it with ten Beta-blockers, Warfarins, and a good swig of liquid Codeine. (I know they are regulated, but if you can time it for when you just get the prescriptions delivered, you to take the whole packet of Morphine sulfate to be safe.) Then stick all the remaining Enoxaparin Injections into your belly.

Are you sure I chose this way and agreed?

Course you did Snot-Head, and it makes common sense, my friend! And once you’ve succeeded in suiciding, there’ll be no more painful battles with Trotsky Terence or Constipation Konrad! Now, this must be worth topping yourself for?

You really thought I was going to do it, didn’t you?

Well, yes! Are you not going to?

Too bloody true I ain’t going to.

Gragnangles! But I’ll be back!

Inchcock on the Throne realised Alto had truly flit…
He finished his evacuation, messy, but just a bit,
Pondered over suicide, blaming Alt-Inchie, the shit!
Putting it into my mind, a disgusting gambit!

All a part of Alto & Inchies’ mutual brinksmanship…
A strange sort of unwanted mental partnership,
Full of insults, bullying and unsportsmanship,
Alto’s getting nasty, pretending to be a prophet?

If he expects Gerry to top himself, there’s a blip…
Even suggesting it shows Alto’s unsportsmanship,
Suicide? No, he’d instead favour the opposite,
Even living with ailments and a financial deficit!

More critical now, Harold’s Haemorrhoids do bleed,
He cleans things, ointmentates, & takes some hempseed,
It’ll be painful; he mustn’t hesitate and proceed…
Agonisingly he did, then he wee-wee’d…

He turned his attention to what to self-feed,
From his fridge and freezer, he took a swede…
Leeks, mushrooms, tomatoes and bread, just a snead,
Prepped and got them cooking; it smelt good indeed.

Off to the wet room. where he passed wind and pee’d,
Settled in his recliner, he nodded off; he was so pleased,
Woke two hours later, surprised yet frustrated…
At the smell of burnt food, he recognised!

All his vegetables had been pureed!
Burnt potatoes, uneatable, he had to concede…
A Whoopsiedangleplop, he just didn’t need…
He cleaned the mess to the bucket he pee’d!

The meal he ate for dinner was not one of his best…
A can of peas, an out-of-date vegetarian duck breast,
The whole meal went in the bin, top join the rest…
Which annoyed him, and he began to get stressed!

Thought-Storms stopped him from getting to sleep…
His life, he began to despise and threap…
Suicide? Not a failure living, even in this muckheap…
His life is not good, but living he wants to keep,

Though he passes evacuations, the liquid then concrete…
Has cataracts, is deaf, tumbles over, and has terrible feet…
There are times when he finds life semi-sweet,
Screw Alto; his life is not yet over or complete!

He vows to ignore Alto-Ego, on his next visit…
Alto’s intrusions, he’ll try his best to prohibit…
He belched; the extruding wind tasted like horseshit,
Inchcock pondered, is it me or Alto, that’s the eejit?

Dizzy Dennis called; his head felt as if it was in orbit…
Thoughts coming so fast, he can’t cope, dagnabit!
He thinks this is becoming a nightly habit…
And he had Alto to return, the nasty dipshit!

But this time, Inchcock was determined, not frit…
He decided to keep up his flagging spirit…
Amidst words like Grongletits and Gawdammit!
He got up and this Ode he writ…
Hoping Alto stays in his pit!

Part of Inchcocks Make Them Laugh Series

Inchcock Today: Thursday 28th April 2022

Thursday 28th April 2022

I thought, but I was wrong!

After a terrible, almost sleepless night, I burst into life with a jump, and I soon realised Little Inchies Fungal Lesion was bleeding, I wanted a wee-wee, and the innards were rumbling away something awful. I thought this was a fine kettle of fish to greet the day… Worse was to come…

As I climbed out of the £300, second-hand, c1968, charity shop-bought, eyesorely-horrendously hideously beige coloured, haemorrhoid-testing, easily-falloutable, unfit-for-use, not working, recliner, and got to my feet to catch my balance – I missed it, for it wasn’t there, and lurched backwards into the chair.

Leaving myself in a bit of a pickle… I needed the wee-wee, could feel the warm wetness in the PPs from the lesion, and there I was, struggling to get back up from the sharp landing on my bum, and felt Harold Haemorrhoids bleeding. Now as well! I fumbled out of the recliner again, the balance was still wrong, I got Metal Mickey (the three-pronged walking stick) and made way ASAP to the wet room. Naughty foul language was being muttered en route! Took a reluctant sprinkly wee-wee first.

Heck of a long job, but I cleaned things up, medicated Harold’s Haemorrhoids with Germoloid ointment, and used Daktacort cream on Little Inchies Fungal Lesion. The most painful of all the ailments to clean and medicate! Argh! But it has to be done.

How often it happens, the moment the piles have been cleaned and ointmentated, the need for Porcelain Throne follows. Grrr!

It’s a good job that I got up early all the same. Because the evacuation was the same as yesterday, under the control of Constipation Konrad! Solid, unwilling, and a giant torpedo when it eventually came out! . I set too on the crossword and finished it ultimately. T’was nothing to a man of my calibre! I finished one in 1972 as well… Mind you, I sat there for over an hour in hopes that the half-in, half-out situation with the rear end would flow again. Humph!

I decided to get the ablutions done as I was already in there. Mind you too early for a shower; the noise would wake the late sleepers. Things felt a bit better after that.

The shaving left me with.. wait for it… just one teeny-weeny cut. Another !

I got dressed in the day clothes. Then got the new slippers out of the packing bag. It took me a while to get them back into a shoe shape, suffice for me to get them on the feet. Warm, comfortable, cheap, they’ll do for me. Chinese made, not surprisingly – the stitching had started to split already, after three minutes of use.

Then started updating the Wednesday blog. I made a brew of Glengettie tea, tasty! But the balance let me down a little later when I visited the bucket for my fourth wee-wee, I don’t know how I did it, I held onto the bucket as I fell to the ground on one knee, without having any spillages?

MedPhorpain I got the Phorpain gel out, and I gave the knee a good massage and ointmented it. Cleared things up, emptied, cleaned and sanitised the bucket, and got back to the blog updating, it’ll be a long job, and the shakes were back again. In fact, I was having a double-visit from Shaking Shaun and Shuddering-Shoulder-Shirley, as carer Richard arrived. I think it fritted him for a second. It did me, and I’m used to them. Hahaha!

Ricard pointed out that I was swaying somewhat when I moved, and Metal Mickey was shaking a bit in use. Within minutes of him mentioning it, things improved greatly shaking-wise. I told Richard he should come more often to see me, you bring good luck with you. The lad looked tired again, but not as bad as yesterday. Then I found he was having a day off tomorrow. In fact, he wasn’t working again until Monday, I think he said. Nice chap, I wish I could do more for him. Still, treated him to some bits before he went, I insisted.

I wished him a good sleep, and I closed the door as Richard took out the waste bags, and as I turned to go down the hallway, the balance went out of sync… But let’s face it, it couldn’t have happened in a better place for me! I used both walls as the stick fell, and it was dead easy, too, with the hallway being so narrow! No injuries whatsoever. I brushed my chin against the wall, but no hassle. I felt a little chuffed with myself, smug!

Back to the updating of the blog. What a state I got myself into. I spent hours trying to get the photographs on the system, the card-reader was laughing at me. He even teased me sometimes, my part-loading the photos so I could see some of them, then freezing and coming up with messages “Please put a disc in drive-F. Then I had to wait several times when this repeated;y happened, cause it would not let me close anything. I just had to wait until it closed down of its own accord? Grumph!

Gone lunchtime by the time I got some loaded to use, and I was hours behind with everything else!

Then I checked the Amazon tracker, as the Morrison delivery via Amazon arrived. The driver rang me, but I couldn’t hear anything he was saying, but recognised the voice all the same, cause when he came months ago he left the bags downstairs for me. I said I’d go down, but by the time I got to the front lobby door the shakes were back, no problem with the balance, but Peripheral Neuropathy Pete was trying to give me forced leg dance again… I might have scared the Asian driver a bit, with my jerking antics. Hehehe!  Anyway, although I had no idea what he was saying to me, his facial expressions showed he would not let me carry anything, and we made out way back up to the flat. He took the parcels and put them in the kitchenette for me. Bless him. I started to sort out the fodder. Only a few things for the freezer. Fries, leeks and waffle bites…

Which I can’t say that I can remember ordering… the waffles I mean? Got the frozen bits in the freezer, (it seemed a logical thing to do at the time, Hehe!) Then sorted the items for the fridge, which ended up rather full.

I’d overdone the desserts, and a box of cakes I ordered, apparently, I did not even like. There were no flowers available for Jenny and Francis’ treats, most annoying. But they did send the strawberries for them.

The cupboard foods had a wonderful surprise for me, the ‘Savers’ generic label Chilli Con Carnie was back in stock, not only that, they allowed me to buy five cans!!! This is my favourite of all the brands of chilli that I’ve tried. Soya pieces in place of meat, and tons of beans, all seasoned to my likes. Gorgeous flavour! Now I have something to live for! Hehehe!

I made up two bags on nibbles, sorry about not getting any daffodils for them. Cleaned up from the sorting things out. Took the bags of waste with me, and the bags on the walker, and delivered them. You wouldn’t believe how long it took in the lifts; when I wanted to down others were going up, so I waited for the next lift I don’t know how many times, and visa-versa when I wanted to get back up. No complaints, at least Morrisons had some strawberries for the gals, and I got my beloved cans of chilli again!

I dropped off the waste bag down the chute and made my way back to the flat. During which it dawned on me how few times in the last hours, I’ve needed a wee-wee? Also, the balance had improved… it’s a funny old life!

By the time I got back into the apartment, I realised what time it was. four PM! 16:00hrs! Late afternoon, and I had not even started on this blog yet! Everything takes so much longer to get done nowadays.

I got the blood pressure and temperature taken. While I remembered that it hadn’t been done yet.

Also, I was beginning to worry that I’d forgotten something that had to be done, or whatever today?

Then,  I noticed as I got the things that I needed for the Health Checks gathered together, how leathery the skin looked n my hands… I suppose it should be expected really at my age. Still, I’ve kept onto my face dimples. Hahaha!

Another set of encouraging results today! The body temperature was almost spot-on the ideal target of 35°c. Can’t moan about these figures at all, never had them any better!

The Blood Pressure returns via the sphygmomanometer were good yet again! Creeping back up a little, maybe? Compared to last week end’s Sys of 208, it shot down to 137, then 142, 144, now 147. But it will settle again, I’m sure… Did I just say that? Har-har, we’ll see.

I spent many hours on this blog. The evening carer is due soon, too. I’ve not had owt to eat yer as well! Or should that be either?

I tried to reply to some WP comments. Most successfully, a few failed? I’ve been trying to reply to Tim Price’s comment on Rescued photographs & diary. But keep getting the red box ‘Comment Failed! – try again’ – which I have many times. Well, Tim below is my failed reply:

The best for ages, Tim, well pleased. Not really my choice of photos, Tim… there are the card readers choice, he’s taken to stopping so many from loading, seemingly at random. I need help here. Hahaha!
Cheers, TTFNski.

Also, I cannot answer my beloved petal Lisa. I’ll try again in the morning. Is it WP? The Computer? Me? Or a combination of all three?

Better get some nosh sorted out, then. Got the beans and veggieburgers served up. I took a photo, but the card reader will not let me get at it.

Evening Care called, but I was not in a good condition, and I was confused when she arrived. No recollection of much. Remember seeing her off and locking the door, as she took the waste bag with her.

Sweet Morpheus resistant.

Inchcock: Sunday 27th February 2022

Inchcocks Morning Ode…

There are some things of interest, some nostalgic…
I wish to admit to and share on this Samstag,
Like my being an insomniac…
But not a kleptomaniac…
My ailments ensure I move about, looking like a maniac!
My stomach doesn’t look like a sixpack…
The flesh wobbles, flails about, and bounces back…
This is not my only physical drawback…
Cateracted eyes are going; I can just see a haystack!
The hearing is fading, teeth covered in plaque…
Medical bother, I can’t get to see the quack,
My hobbling pace is down to that of a lollygag!
When Jillie came yesterday, she brought me a snack…
Did I mention it? To me, she’s an aphrodisiac! 💘

Inchcock: Sunday 27th February 2022

Gobsmacking! I woke up at 06:40hrs, having had an uninterrupted straight six hours of kip! At last! I think the Hemp capsules, just one at night, must be working! We’ll see!

The fight to free my substantially flabbier and grossly larger-stomached body from the £300, second-hand bought, c1968, nauseously beige-coloured, not-working, rusty, rickety, difficile, crumb-covered tatty recliner; went so smoothly! No Dizzy Dennis’s antics, Cartilage Cathy was hardly any hassle at all, and no toe-stubbing. Arthur Itis, Duodenal Donald, Shuddering-Shoulder-Shirley, were all calm!!! I realised this may be bluff from the body, so I delayed going into a Smug-Mode!