Inccockski. Sat 7 Sept 19: A melee-like medley of mishaps!

2019 Sept 07

2019 Sept 07

Saturday 7th September 2019

Hebrew: שבת 7 בספטמבר 2019


WD 150.0.0 02:45hrs: I stirred awake, shivering with cold, and forced myself to evacuate the Brother-in-Law Pete damaged while he was flat-sitting, when I was in hospital, as he fitted new CCTC cameras, and searched for my valuables, which he found and took, I still haven’t got them back yet four-months later, £300, second-hand, near-dilapidated, gungy-beige coloured, c1968, sometimes working, uncomfortable, rickety, rinky-dinked, rattling, rusty, resurrected, reconditioned, recalcitrant, recidivating and rotting-away recliner, and get the dressing gown on my goose-pimpled gross body. Brr!

WD 150.0.0 Taking a wee-wee in the unused overnight GPB (Grey-Plastic-Bucket). Which caught me out with its USBUWSS (Ultra-Slow-But-Uncontrollable-Weak-Sprinkly) nature! Also, my whipping down the PPs without thinking, and the dried blood from Little Inchies leaking fungal lesion got torn off, and the blood flowed afresh! (I believe a silently cursed, using language that I usually wouldn’t have, with the shock of the pain!)

While cleansing things and tidying up, I had a moment of… what’re the words, erm, err… ‘Feeling a bit sorry for missen’ I suppose! This was not good. But all the things going wrong, and carrying on from last night, just got a bit much for me, I reckon. I decided the therapy I needed was to get some work done. So I decided to sort things out, and then get the kitchen windows cleaned as best I could. So, off to the kitchen.

Got the handwashing I’d left soaking overnight, rinsed and refreshed with the ylang scented Wilko stuff. I needed a new bottle, so I hobbled (painfully, the RAI (Rheumatoid Arthur Itis) was still giving me grief), to the junk room mark two, to fetch a new bottle.

WD 150.0.0 Clouting my elbow on the door handle on the way back, and dropping the container, which landed on my right foot. At least it didn’t burst open! I got the clobber on the stand-up airer. Had a wee-wee of the freakish BOBSL (Blasting-Out-But-Short-Lived) mode.

WD 150.0.0 When it came to taking the morning medication, it came to light that I had missed taking last night’s! So, the getting to usual lately performance of trying to identify which were the tablets to not duplicate was done, and both doses were imbibed. 

WD 150.0.0 I set about getting the things out to do the windows with and had to divert to the wet room and the Throne. Under-‘rotten’-believable! What an evacuation. Right back to the solid, flesh-tearing, wait-for-it, mode! Argh!  My spirit and determination were wavering now!

6Sat02WD 150.0.0 WD 150.0.0a Back to the kitchen, took a picture of the wonderful sky.

Then moved the gear away, and got the spray and kitchen towels nearby. Up the stepladder… then fell off of it, backwards! No idea why, but I didn’t have a Neuropathic Schuhplattler dance from the leg? As I was struggling to get back up, so I could nurse my head, that I’d banged on the way down, I thought: What can I do? The chap who Jenny got in touch with said he was coming to see me about cleaning the windows last Saturday, but did not arrive. Maybe he meant another Saturday, and I got it wrong again. I came out of the Accifauxpas in remarkably good condition really. A little bang on the arm and the clout on the head was all I suffered. But the body was aching a bit in places.

6Sat01Mind you, the nut was throbbing away!

I checked out the legs for ant damage, and to my utter amazement, apart from a tiny bit of a mark on my right ankle, they looked just fine?

I began to question my ability to live a normal life.

I left the mess in the kitchen after making a brew, (I really wasn’t interested in doing anything in the cleaning up stakes, now) and in a morose frame of mind, I got the computer on to update the Friday blog.

5Fri20fWD 150.0.0 On selecting the photographs to go on, I put the wrong one for the nosh on the post. This is the one that should have gone on! Fancy me making a mistake. Humph!

WD 150.0.0 A confirmation email from Amazon arrived, to inform me that the two tomatoe slicers I’d ordered were due to be delivered this Sunday. How I managed to order two, I just don’t know. But, thinking about it, I am surely assured that I will either lose one or break one, so it might yet prove to be a good idea? Oy Vey!


WD 150.0.0 Anything to avoid any more cuts. Especially with the Sherrington Park Medical Practise, currently impossible to contact, I tried nineteen times on the phone this week to contact them, fifteen times in one day!  And leaving me in a right state over their lack of interest in my Warfarin INR levels, or arranging any test! The last time I heard from them, by email, they wanted to know if I still wanted a nurse to call to take the blood; if so, they will arrange for it. I sent a reply message saying yes please and thank you. That was three weeks ago. Now I can’t even get to ask them why no nurse arrived, and I do not know the level or how many Warfarin tablets to take! Warden Deana was busy with the opening of the Winwood Court and burying of the time capsule (Last Monday). So, no help there. I still do not know if or when the next test is due after the missed one! Am I so hated? Why are they ignoring me? Have I too many issues and ailments for them? Why am I asking these questions?

Anyway, with so many surgeries shut down through not coming up to scratch, I imagine they are getting an influx of new patients. Which will probably result in the Grim Reaper taking me earlier than I would have liked, but who is interested? I’m not coping well at all with the hassle and lack of concern. Let him come!

I pressed on and got the Friday post finished. The hands and fingertips are not so bothersome at the moment. The head still aches, Hehe!

Made a start on this blog, and then stopped to get the ablutions sorted out. Just in case the window cleaner man might call. Mmm?

Things must be improving, the shave, teggies and shower session, held only two dropsies!

Virg 150.0.0

Gave up. Decided to go to Sherwood to see if any of the shops had any shortcrust cakes in stock.

6Sat03I got the trolley and myself all ready, forgetting to take the black bags I made up in the kitchen and left, to find the three-flats foyer in darkness. The new light put in by the same electricians who cut my power for nine-hours, when putting in the Fire-Alarm sprinkler system I’ve little confidence in them working!) Not the NCH men who gave me the floods and destroyed my clothing in the airing cupboard, that people are even less interested in than my Doctor is in missing my Warfarin blood tests. They probably don’t even know it’s happened. I can’t get through on the phone to them. Oh, I’m getting niggly again! 

6Sat03aI wobbled through the cut-through passage to Winwood Court.

I checked to see if the broken locking mechanism had been mended yet, on the door out to the alfresco benches. No!

I got outside via the new Winwood Court Extra Care foyer door and made my way to the bus stop.

WD 150.0.0 I made the queue into three of us. It soon grew to about twelve of us. I enjoyed a nattering session. Despite my struggling to hear everything, as I had failed to put my hearing aids in. Malcolm told me how to get up to the rooftop seating on top of Winwood Court. There is a dedicated lift up and down! I thought I’d see how I was when I came back if well enough I might have a nip up take some photos?

WD 150.0.0 I thought about going on the outward-bound L9, in search of the flaky pastry biscuits. When the first bus arrived, without even thinking, I got on, to find it was the inward bound bus! Surprisingly this did not seem to bother me. I just thought I’d go to the Aldi store then, on Mapperley tops. I got off and took a photo to the left then right. And a zoomed-in one of my new destination.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

I came out with, a BLT sarnie, rice-cakes, caramel bars for the nibble box. Sourdough baguettes, walnut halves, ham off-cuts and eight kitchen rolls. The kitchen paper was bought cause it was on offer. Carrying it home caused a bit of a kerfuffle, as it filled the spare carrier. In fact, the young man on the till packed the rolls into the carrier-bag for me. That was kind of him!

6Sat07The highlight of my mini-hobble home came as I got on the main road. A pavement cyclist also leaving the store stacked all his purchases in a carrier bag, on his little bar at the back of his bike’s seat, and rode within inches of me as he passed. A hundred yards or so further along Mapperley Top, his things fell off! It made a right mess for him to sort-out. In the end, he had to walk pushing his bike. 6Sat08There is a God!

Somewhat perked-up, now, I wobbled on and down Mapperley Rise. Where I took this photographicalisation. Regrettably, it came out looking nothing like how the eye saw the distant parts of the scene! Shame!

WD 150.0.0 Limping down the hill, turned out to be little more arduous than I wanted. The three-wheeler really doesn’t like going downhill on uneven ground. And the pavement got worse, more irregular dips, rise’s and pot-marks, the further I travelled. There was a couple of near-trips and falls en route, but I managed to stay on my now, painful feet. The brakes are not very useful on this trolley.

WD 150.0.0a When I reached the corner of Sherwood Vale, where I had to cross over, the road surface is as bad as they come. My closest call to a fall happened here. I did go down on one knee which pissed-off RAI (Rheumatoid Arthur Itis)! But no injuries 6Sat09really. As I was trying to get up, a bloke who’d stopped his came over and asked if I was alright. Another humanitarian gesture! I thanked him and said I was fine, thank you.

I took this picture as I walked down to Chestnut Way and the Winwood Heights barren looking person-less area.

The planning as not be thought out too well. To avoid all the high pavements safely, would mean going onto the road all the time and back again.

As I neared the Gulag, I mean, flats, I decided I would have a walk up to the Extra Care Winwood Court sitting-out area, now Malcolm has told me how to get up there. They have a games room, with a sink, power-sockets, seats and tables, and a kitchen as well. I got in the one-stop lift, and a lady in there, sat at a table, gave me rum-look and said something, but couldn’t hear what she said.

I went out onto the terrace-top. There were no chairs as you will in the photos that I took  ad-lib:

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

6Sat21Inside of Winwood Courts dedicated lift, on my way back down. I didn’t see anyone at all on the walk home through the linking-passage to Woodthorpe Court.

I stopped for a while, something was not right. What was it? Ah, the silence! No banging from the flat above, no laughter, no fridge rattling away, no mystery whining sounds, no wind 6Sat22blowing through the holes in the wall and floor, courtesy of the builders and repairmen… still, you can’t expect it sound just like inside your Woodthorpe Court flat, can you?

And of course, it’s the weekend, many people going to see their families or being collected, that’s another reason for the lack of Winwoodonians about.

6Sat23I got in the apartment. No wee-weeing, no Porcelain Throne requirements, no new ailments acquired. Apart from a little bruise on the head still there from my falling off the stepladder earlier, and an even smaller injury-come-graze, on the knee, from the mini-fall on the road.

I got the fodder stored away.

6Sat24I got on with updating this blog, for hours, but the finger-ends were making it slow work. Eventually, the CIDP won, and I gave up working on the computer.

WD 150.0.0 I got the nosh prepared. The oven in the chips… now there’s a cock-up! I meant, Chips in the oven, and got the tomatoes sliced. Sliced the finger as well! Not really, just a knick under a fingernail again.

WD 150.0.0 So, there I was, limping around in the nude prepping the meal, and the Intercom light flashed (I couldn’t hear the pathetically week chiming it is supposed to give out). When I pressed the answer button, the picture of the caller, disappeared, and the picture screen came up ‘Picture Fault’. I pressed the door open button, but I was not sure if it had done so or not. Pushed the reset button, then the answer button, and got the picture back. No one in view. I assumed they had been let in by someone.

6Sat25I got the dressing gown on sharpish, and the door chime rang out. Guess who it was? It was the tomato slicer delivery from Amazon, that was due to arrive on Sunday. I thanked the lady and took the box into the kitchen and had a look at the slicer.

A shame it didn’t come half-an-hour earlier, it would have saved me losing the blood. Hehe! I just had to try it out. So I cleaned it, and sliced another tomato with it, and added it to the plate. Works alright, I have to be wary when cleaning the fixed blades.

6Sat26I got the handwashing done and hung.

Then sorted the meal out. I overdid the quantities, and could not eat it all, but what I did eat was flavoursome, a taste-rating of 7.5/10.

Got the washing-up done, and settled to watch some TV. Staying awake to see the England v 1Mon02Bulgaria Euro qualifying match. When I say stayed awake, I mean mostly. Half-time I drifted off.But came back to life when the match restarted.

At long last, the RAI (Rheumatoid Arthur Itis) was easing in the knees. It should just about have got to a bearable pain level, in time for Tuesday, and the next crippling, blood-curling, agony-ridden, depressing, After-Stroke physio session! Haha!


Photo Requiring Caption – Danny Soz

This old photograph was found in my Scuba-Diving equipment, next to my Mountaineering gear in my Mansion’s garage last week.


Mr D. Soz (19¾) seen soon after his release from HMP Brixton clink.

He still denies the charge he was convicted of as I understand it.


This graphic was created and posted in the hope of bringing fame and fortune to Danny, one of if not the best and sporting types of West Ham fans. (I now this, he told me). Thus, I can start to repay his bill of £33,290 he’s charged me for wheel calipers, used motor oil and other items he has stolen for me or bought me from Lidl.

Newly Identified Medical Sydromes

Newly Identified Syndromes

Named Disease: HAJ (Had-a-job) Syndrome

aa03MSSymptoms: Being made redundant through no fault of your own, suicidal feelings, lack of food, and the disappearance of respect.

Most at Risk: The proletariat, anyone not related to a banker or a friend of a Politician, the unemployed, the millions of immigrants both legal and otherwise, the impecunious, the uneducated youths of today, and the educated youths of today without rich family connections.

Area’s most affected: The North – Midlands.

Named Disease: Spooninthegobatbirthness Syndrome

Osb07Symptoms: A snottiness and uncaring attitude develops that cannot be countered. The bank balance and overseas investment accounts increase exponentially.

Most at Risk: Royalty, Aristocracy, Politicians, Footballers, and the Right Honourable George Osborne MP (Conservative)

Area’s most affectedThe rich 10% of the population.

Named DiseaseA.A.D.(Alcoholic Addiction Dysrhythmia) Syndrome

aa03MS2Symptoms: Finding you have not got any alcoholic addictions, and the concern and worry you get about being so different to everyone else. A.A.D. syndrome is often claimed by alcoholics and West Ham fans for their failure.

Most at RiskThose under the age of eight, and more mature liars.

Area’s most affected: Nursery schools, MOT stations, 

Named DiseaseMonetary Cystitis (M.C.) Syndrome

aa03MS3Symptoms: It is extremely painful, nigh on impossible for you to repay money owed by you, forcing the sufferer to short change and overcharge whenever possible. Also builds an inbred hatred of Bank Managers, Loan companies and Old Age Pensioners.

Most at Risk: Pensioners, Politicians, Dentists, Lawyers, Bankers, Haliburton, George Osborne, Claret Appreciation Group members and Taxi Drivers.

Area’s most affectedNationwide.

Named Disease: Hope Alopecia  (H.A.) Syndrome

aa03MS4Symptoms: A sudden realisation that all hope is lost, other than for the War Mongers, Politicians, bankers, Car Mechanics, David Cameron, Nigel Farage, Haliburton and other nepotistic clans.

One person definitely not suffering from this Syndrome is UKIP’s Nigel Farage. Campaigning in a seat where Labour “should weigh the vote”, Mr Farage said that his party is “taking big numbers” of Labour supporters making Thursday’s result “very very tight”. And with young and older voters both warming to his message on immigration and borders control, Mr Farage revealed that he had new evidence that the Labour vote across the country is collapsing because of the Corbyn effect. He produced polling evidence by former Labour leader Ed Miliband’s ex-adviser Ian Warren which he said showed 50 per cent of those who voted Labour in the humiliating general election defeat in May will desert the party. Humph!

Most at RiskEveryone not connected with the above.

Area’s most affectedAnywhere with any businesses still owned and ran by English management, so as you can tell, these are scarce.

Named DiseaseCompassion Deficiency Anaemia (C.D.A.) Syndrome

aa03MS5Symptoms: You couldn’t give a toss about anyone else.

Most at Risk: Most predominant in Parliament, and Lawyers offices, although likely to be found anywhere.

Area’s most affectedVirtually throughout the world.

Named DiseaseCacospysy Syndrome (C.S.)

aa03MS6Symptoms:  Irregular pulse, concern and worry that the government will find your stash of undeclared earnings from illegal practices of varying secretly ran companies. Panic attacks at Government Budget announcement time.

Most at Risk: The poor and the dodgy types.

Area’s most affected: All of the UK and FIFA representatives.

Named DiseaseE.D.D. Early Decrepitude disease

aa03MS7Symptoms: Sudden realisation that the poor are getting poorer, and the Rich are getting richer, and you are one of the poorer. Urges to dress up in fancy dress and join WordPress might affect them. Memory loss and bodily function controls are common amongst these syndrome sufferers.

Most at Risk: Those who are poor and getting poorer.

Area’s most affected: Worldwide: In the event that you should feel or find any of the above symptoms coming on, do not consult your Doctor who will be too rich to be bothered to understand your frustrations and problems. In the event of your becoming disinterested in money and valuable items, Danny Soz (19¾) can be contacted for help. You could consider suicide, alcoholism, hibernation, or becoming a Politician. But best not to worry… your Doomed. Most E.E.D. sufferers end up not knowing the difference between the syndromes anyway, then read up on them and forget they did.

Inchcock Shows Signs of Contentment – Investigation to follow…

Unheard of Inchcock Symptoms Disclosed!

Medical experts and fellow bloggers today found out that Inchcock was showing signs of Contentment this morning.

A stand-by rapid response team was despatched to his flat on the 12th floor in Nottingham post haste. Led by Duncan Robertson head of the Inchcock Support and Containment Squad of the Satirist’s Blogger Union.


Gary Hoadley delayed by unforeseen circumstances

Unfortunately the Inchcock Support and Containment Squad of the Satirist’s Blogger Union’s Riot Controller Gaz Hoadley (22) could not respond with the team due to his return home from his holiday in New York being delayed by unforeseen circumstances.


The Inchcock Support and Containment Squad of the Satirist’s Blogger Unionists Members preparing to go into battle to save Inchcock by adorning protective equipment.

The team, all worried about Inchcock’s attack of Contentment were soon on the scene.

Inchcock Gazette reporter Kentucky Angel interviewed Duncan as the Inchcock Support and Containment Squad of the Satirist’s Blogger Unionists were preparing themselves to enter Inchcock’s premises: She asked him why it was taking so long to gain entry?

“There are so many dangers in their Angel. Many unknown to those not within the bloggers circle – we must protect ourselves from diseases not commonly encountered and obstacles within the premises, I know I been in there! also to avoid catching anything ourselves…”

“What do you mean?”


Inchcock’s Grabbers – A Danger!

Well we have make sure me know where his walking stick and three grabbers are located to avoid falling over them you see.

Also we must know where his medications, and used pads, bandages and elastica are stored.

And, we are sure of his current condition you see… if he’s come back to his usual depressed, moronic, not knowing what’s going on condition there will be no worries or need for us to offer assistance – but if he’s still on a high and showing signs of fitness, healthiness or happiness then we are in trouble and may lose him altogether I’m afraid. His metabolism and brain are just not used to contentment or optimism, I’m sure he could not cope with any of these emotions unless of course they are drug induced..”

At this Duncan passed the supply of DDT to Rachel Carerra (18¼) the Inchcock Support and Containment Squad of the Satirist’s Blogger Unionists Accountant & Massage Specialist she quoted; “This could be dangerous, but Inchcock by being the crappiest, worst pathetic blogger of all time in a round about way supports and improves the standing of all of our members and other satirists you see. So we’d sooner he didn’t snuff it yet, until we find someone as bad as him to take over the mantle – and of course he still owes £20,450.26 to our bookkeeper and vehicle acquirement officer Danny Soz (19¾) who is here with as much if not more concern for the lad Inchcock (79).”


Shirley Blamey & Mike Steedenski were requisitioning essential supplies for the squad

At this Danny Soz chipped in: “I care about the imbecile more than most do. And what would Lidl and the NHS do without him?” He rolled a Golden Virginia fag in a an MOT certificate and continued: “His fading with age short-term memory has been a boost the to Inchcock Support and Containment Squad of the Satirist’s Blogger Unionist’s bank balance. The missus would surely miss him if he has another heart attack trying to cope with the excitement any unnatural to him feeling of contentment, enthusiasm, fulfilment or pleasure… we stop this at all costs, especially the costs to my bank balance…” At this he coughed on his roll-up, took a swig from his absinthe flask and asked where the hell was Shirley Blamey (Not saying, Social Events Secretary) and Mike Steedenski (24 Health advisor) anyway? Do they not care about fellow blogger Inchcock? (Fellow members of the  Inchcock Support and Containment Squad of the Satirist’s Blogger Unionists) Rachel Carerra explained that both of them were commandeering essential supplies for the  Inchcock Support and Containment Squad of the Satirist’s Blogger Unionists squad, and she was concerned for his safety.

She then questioned the absence of the  Inchcock Support and Containment Squad of the Satirist’s Blogger Unionist’s (Music Director and Supermom Marissa Bergen 16½,)


Marissa, delayed a the bar in the airport in Newcastle

It transpired that she was last seen at Newcastle airport. However they did receive a message from the Northumbria Police that he had been released on bail and her methadone had been returned to her.

We understand that the Prime Minister has been informed along with Interpol and the NHS Psychiatric Unit. Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt has since contacted Minister of Works & Pensions Ian Duncan Smith to see if anything could be done about avoiding the news of this Inchcock phenomenon getting out onto the web.

AndyBreaking News:

Just in from the Nottingham Perverts Monthly.

Inchcock was seen this evening outside of a ladies shop ogling at the headless models in the window. In the rain, looking miserable and with odd socks on.

So, all back to normal then?

Well… Thank heavens for that!

Marissa’s Barmy Blogger Band caught practising new routine!

Marissa’s Barmy Blogger Band


Marissa’s Part-Time Barmy Blogger band were caught going through their new routine yesterday at the Sewer Lane Studios in the Carshalton Medical Practice.

Tom Brake Lib-dem MP for Carshalton and Wallington welcomed the initiated as yet Band formed and managed part-time by Marissa Bergen, previously the Executive Assistant to Sid Rotten, and now Rock-n-Roll Supermom from Burbank California, with a plaque in remembrance of Nick Clegg.

He suggested to Marissa and the band that perhaps they could play some old Jim Reeves numbers at the upcoming do at the Carshalton Methodist church near the park.

The band members then moved on to a free luncheon laid on for the by the Council at the local KFC branch.

Shirley Blamey (Vocals), Rachel Carerra (Dancer), Danny Soz (19¾’s Trombonist), Duncan Robertson (Guitar and Bagpipes), Mike Steedenski (Various blowable instruments), Inchcock Chambers (71¼ years old, Percussion and string-less violin) went along with Marissa for the free meal.

Unfortunately Gary Hoadley (24½ Retired Kray’s body guard and dancer vocalist) had to miss the meal when 11 police officers arrested him for belting the living daylights out of Tim Brake earlier for suggesting the group put old Jim Reeves numbers in the line-up. He joined them later after bursting out of the black maria on Ruskin Street.

After the meal they all went The Hope pub on West Street for the night.

Damages came to £15000, and the début of Marrisa’s Blogger Band is now in question.

The band are currently in the Metropolitan Police Station on Carshalton Road.


More news to follow as soon as groups publicity agent Mike Steedenski has finished off his claret, well a little while after then…