Woodthorpe Alcatraz Pensioner: Now up for Adoption!


Would you like to help this 72-year-old young Inmate to find a life again?

Alk05After several failed escape bids, and his refusal to love his new windows, that block the light and view; something had to be done.

The management has no other option to put Inchcock up for adoption.

Although getting on a bit in years, he has no problem in manoeuvering to and from the cell blocks daily. His stratagem, as with many of the Alk07detainees, is just to ignore the lorries, tractors, etc. and plod on.

He sometimes goes out during his exercise period, to the wood behind his block.

Should you not get along with Inchcock after taking him in, don’t worry. He is suicidal, and few well-chosen words of reprimand, reproach or if desperate, an unwarranted tongue-lashing for something he didn’t do, will suffice.

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Alk06So, you can see, if you decided to adopt Inchcock, you would not be getting a totally inept or immobile adoptee, indeed. He is capable of cleaning shoes for you (although this must not include his bending down, as he can’t get back up again).

The Nottingham City Council have made arrangements for his funeral, if he snuffs it before the upgrading is done, anyway.

Alk04No matter what the weather, he gets out to his Doctors, chemist, clinic, and hospital almost daily. This would, of course, mean less hassle with having to listen to his stories of the 50’s and how much simpler life was then, and the musical talents of Frankie Vaughan and Billy Fury. Another bonus for any adoptee!

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Alk03No need for you to worry in the event of any fire alarms either.

Inchcock knows many of the Fire Service personnel himself.

And he has watched them as they attend the average twice weekly false fire alarms to Woodthorpe Block. And I can say that none of these emanated from his Evil Boll Weevil Ironclad black biting beetles infested cell.

So, another possible worry about adopting Inchcock is deleted.

He has grown to like his Evil Boll Weevil Ironclad black biting beetles.

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If he is adopted on his release, this will mean so much to him, knowing he no longer has to kill the creatures every day, to avoid being bitten.

It was mentioned at the last Block Wardens meeting, about the amount of what he calls Whoopsiedangleplops and Accifauxpas he suffers. This is nothing to worry about, we don’t, just ignore him, and he’ll go away back to his crossword book, no problem.

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If Inchcocks becomes defiant and will not do as he is told, here is the advice of the Oberführer and Gruppenführer of the Winwood Alcatraz Wardens Union and Training Brigade. Just ignore him, unless there is some valid point to his moaning, then pretend to listen intently, then ignore him. It works a treat!

In the rare event that he persists, offer him a scowl, and threaten him with eviction and being moved to a prison cell in a rough area of Nottingham. That always quietens Inchcock down, for us.

Alk08kYou will have no problem with his often almost daily visits to the doctor for his blood tests and fungal lesion treatment.

As long as you live no more than two miles from Carrington, in Nottingham.

He enjoys the hobbling to and fro, and seems to get some satisfaction from the telling-offs and reprimands when he arrives at his surgery. He is also in Alk08jlove with one of the nurses.

No need fret over his medicationalisationing needs at all.

He can take his medications, albeit that he gets them wrong at times, this is nothing for any prospective adoptor to worry about, though.

In the event of his snuffing it while in your care, call for a quick removal of the body. Inform Nottingham Winwood Alcatraz Wardens Union on 0115 955 0029, and he has a nose ring he keeps with him, at all times. It is the only thing he has left of any value, but it could fetch up to £1.50, so worth searching for.

Alk09Prisoner 72, is well known for his willingness to help at the outings and trips away.

The Social side of things can be a bit daunting for Inchcock.

His social skills are somewhat limited, but he does try his best, although without much success. But credit to him for trying.

Alk13bHe can be used for doing the washing for any adoptee and their family. He is well versed in the operation of older washing machines and is a bit of a wizard with the iron.

One handicap with his doing the laundry is his persistent habit of finding odd socks. This does not matter to him, or that he is that short-sighted he usual wears odd ones anyway without realising it. 

Alk12His being deafish could well help and having a bad memory can come in handy for any adoptor. He’ll believe it when you tell him you told him yesterday! Hehe!

Well-versed in electrical work and planning.

He is the envy of many other prisoners, at how he keeps his cell arranged.

1Mon04His window cleaning skills are a bit different from most inmates.

But they usually get a laugh.

Naturally, they are part of his many flunked escape plans.

So, if you can help us with this overweight, deaf, short, bald, Duodenal Ulcer, Anne Gyna, Reflux Valve, Harold Haemorrhoid, Hippy Hilda, Hernia Harry, Dizzies Dennis and Shaking Steven ailment suffering old Inchcock, and take him away, please get in touch.

Thank You


Inchcock’s Thoughts of the Week in Rhyme




The ironclad-min-biting beetles, I’ve had to avoid,

They’re quick, and refuse to be destroyed,

Nowhere left that I’d not disinfected and scoured,

They move faster than flipping Concord!


Failed efforts to conker them, left me losing my sanfroid,

Fly spray, bleach and boiling water utilised and deployed,

The result? Next day, an even bigger-beetle hoard!

I ordered from Amazon, beetle-killing pads, effective I was assured,

When the van arrived it had none on board!


Soon I was hindered, and very annoyed,

Liberty Virgin Global, left my life in a void,

The internet connection was again destroyed.


Curses and oaths emanated from my thyroid,

So often, I was frustratingly forced to be internet underemployed!

I wished I had in my prescriptions, something made from Opioid!


Inchcock Today Thu 2 June 2016: Hectic day again… Tsk!


Thursday 2nd June 2016

Up 0450hrs. Manoeuvred out of the second hand £300 recliner chair and to the porcelain throne. I remembered about the bathroom door being the other way around this time. No bleeding from either of the lower region areas, good! But the knees were getting a lot of bother from Arthur Itis again.

Put the kettle on, got the ablution items as needed. Then took the medications.

Sorted the nibbles into the bag, for the Tenants Social Hour later.


Janet Arron and Henry

Laptop on and did some TFZ graphicalisationing, Emails, WordPressing and even had a go on Tetris.

This one of the graphics I got done, it is of Janet Arron, a beauty from the TFZ site, with Henry, her adorable impish kitten.

An official letter arrived, from the Police Pegasus team, they wanted an update on the details held.


Deana, Interviewing me!

0805hrs: Kevin, my maintenance man, arrived, made him a cuppa, and we had a chinwag. He set to working.

0909hrs; Deana Walker came to do the tenants interview.

She also supplied her details for me to put on the Trusted Contacts list on Pegasus for the Nottingham Chief Constable.

We managed to have a natter, in between the official form filling, well, entering it onto her laptop.

Bless her cotton socks.


The Dynamic Drill

Kev worked on the tiling in the bathroom for a couple of hours.

Then he fetched the gigantic drill in, got his helmet, ear muffs and smoke mask on and started digging away kindly keeping the bathroom door closed while he did so.

Looked to me that he was doing a good job of the tiles.

He then started on the drilling of the floor.

I observed that the door opened and concealed the light switch string behind it.

304 2

Light switch cord is now is hidden behind the door. Kevin pointed out that an electrician will be coming to move the switch to the other side later on some time.

I set off for the Tenants Social Hour at the community shed.

So few folks there today, I reckon no more than 15 in all?

I missed the raffle and forgot to pay for my tea – Oh dear. I’ll pay double next week.

We all seemed to be happy and made the best of it, though.

I got myself ready and set off to the bus stop for the trip to the clinic.

Bid Kevin farewell and down to the foyer, where I had a gossip with some fellow tenants, and we all left to catch the bus.

I was soon at the clinic. Booked me in, and took a seat in the waiting area. I was called in shortly. By a different doctor again, I’ve never seen the same doctor more than once at this clinic. The usual embarrassing examinations under highly lit magnifying tubes by several female attendants. Many, oohs and ahs later, they decided I should continue with the same treatment, and I was sent off.


Slab Square dancing today

Bus into town and went to the bank for some cash first. Then had a wander around.

There were some dancers in the slab square near the temporary food courts, and so many of the Nottinghamians joined in.

I went in Primark to get some more loose fitting undies, but they had none in stock. Tsk! I did get some of the warm long sleeved shirts. I got three while they had them in stock, at £6 each.

P1110001Out and went to the Spar shop to get one of their £1 bacon butties as a treat.

They were giving away copies of the sun for free!

I also got one of the TV papers for next week, like the one I got last week, like this one, although more costly, is so much easier to read.

I surreptitiously slipped the pigeons some pellets.

Caught the L9 bus back to the flats.

P1090088By gum, Kevin has been so busy today.

The tiles were nearly finished, the floor had been readied for the application of the shower tiles.

Made him a cuppa and managed a chinwag.

He told me of his camera, a Nikon Bridge P900 model. I looked them up on the web and was very impressed with them.

He’s going to bring his in tomorrow and show me the workings. Kind of him that. I reckon when I get the curtains sorted, one of these might be my expenditure?


He left it all neat and tidy again. Even put a board down so I didn’t fall into the hole in the floor and warned me about it.

Laptop on and updated this claptrap.

Got the oven warming up, to cook the meal for tonight.

Too tired now to do any more graphics.

Checked the TV paper to see if owt worth watching might be on the goggle-box tonight.

Ah, of course, the England Match vs. Portugal. I hope they haven’t found another Eusébio da Silva Ferreira? Hehe! A bit too tasty he was on the pitch he was!

P1110003Got the nosh done and watched the match eating from a tray on my knee on the second-hand £300 recliner… Luxury!

What a disappointing match it was!

No bread was eaten with this excellent meal again tonight.

(Smug Mode Adopted, Hehe!)

The early dreams were of my labascating down cliffs and off of buildings again, but never landing anywhere, just moved onto another thing to fall off of?


Brexit – In or Out? Inchcock remains puzzled!

The lesser educated pensioner of Nottingham, Inchcock, continues his quest to find a resolution to his decision on which way to vote in the Brexit Election

01I think the lad needs some help.


George (Never had a job) Osborne:

It is my “responsibility” to warn on the risks to people’s jobs, standards too!

Millions of pensioners could find themselves worse off if the UK quits the European Union, George Osborne claims. Also, Cameron has won many concessions from Brussels?

He also said way back, that he would never increase VAT.

Compare and contrast. Here is the answer that George Osborne gave, in December last year, when asked whether he would consider campaigning for Britain to leave the EU.

“We have said that we rule out nothing. If you rule nothing out, you rule nothing out!”

Now here is the answer Mr Osborne gave today, to the MPs of the Treasury select committee in Parliament, when asked what would happen if Britain did indeed leave the EU.

“What’s absolutely clear is that our public finances would take a significant hit because the economy would be weaker, people’s incomes would be less than they would otherwise be, businesses wouldn’t be as profitable. And that would mean that our public finances would be around £36 billion worse off – dwarfing any supposed money we would get by not making a contribution to the EU. We would be very significantly worse off, and that would have an impact on public services like the NHS.” He added that as well as being “poorer” we would be “less secure”.

Look at those two statements. The Chancellor is now saying, with total certainty, that Brexit would make us £36 billion worse off, grievously damage the NHS, and leave us more vulnerable to terrorism and war.

The Chancellor spoke twice about the importance of Britain ‘living within its means’. Of course, this should be a basic principle of all good financial housekeeping and practically every sane person would agree with it.

In effect, he is acting as the chief executive of the Government — whereas Cameron is increasingly behaving like a less hands-on company chairman

Unfortunately, although Osborne talks of ‘living within our means’, the truth is that he has been the most profligate Chancellor in British history. Our national debt is likely to have doubled to just under £2 trillion under his stewardship of the nation’s finances.

Well, that didn’t help me to make my mind up!

WAH03The Cameron Threats:

He claims that a Brexit Vote is immoral? I think perhaps that sending troops to their deaths to kill, bomb and maim ordinary citizens all over the world is immoral?

Mr Cameron, speaking as the Treasury published an analysis warning that a British exit from the EU would plunge the country into a year-long recession and cost as many as 820,000 jobs in just two years. 

The report was criticised by leading Tory Eurosceptics such as Boris Johnson, who said it was a “hoax”, and the former Cabinet minister Iain Duncan Smith, who said it was “not an honest assessment but a deeply biassed view of the future”.

The Treasury document said that in the worst case scenario GDP will fall by 6 per cent, house prices by 18 per cent and the deficit will rise by £39 billion. The pound would drop 15 per cent. 

Speaking at the head office of B&Q in Hampshire, Mr Cameron said that, given these risks to the British economy, a Remain vote was the “moral” choice for voters.

Knowing Cameron and Osborne’s acts and decisions requiring vadiation, will get no such thing, but it they did it could not be believed…  This doesn’t help me to make my mind up!

Scottish Labour Party

WAK001 Then I read somewhere about Scottish Labour party leader Kezia Dugdale who  has pledged to support Britain’s continued membership of the EU but others will be allowed to campaign for a Leave vote, a Scottish Labour spokesperson said.

 Well, that didn’t help me to make my mind up!

Scaremongering from all.

WAH02 Some

David Cameron has been accused of “scaremongering” by his own MPs after warning that Britain’s exit from the EU could see Calais’ Jungle move onto the south coast of England.

With negotiations over Britain’s membership ongoing and a referendum likely to happen as early as June, both the “stay” and “leave” campaigns have ramped up their warnings of what kind of terrible things will happen depending on which way the vote goes.

But following Cameron’s latest suggestion, and a host of other “warning” headlines in sections of the media, Eurosceptics have hit back at what they clearly think are ridiculous assertions on the part of the pro-EU campaigners.

And yes, those Ukippers, Tory Eurosceptics and even Louise Mensch have managed to be funny…

This doesn’t help me to make my mind up!

WAK02The Leave.EU site published:

Leaving the EU would give us back control of our WAK03borders

  • The UK is currently obliged to accept ALL persons entering from Europe, regardless of skill level.
  • The UK public is increasingly concerned  by open borders, a recent poll by The Economist/Ipsos MORI found that immigration is now the most prominent issue on the UK’s political agenda.
  • 1.5 Million EU migrants moved to the UK between 2004 and 2010. Most of them were low-skilled. Low-skilled EU migrants can often deprive British citizens of jobs in the low-skilled end of the labour market.
  • By contrast, more and more non-EU visa applicants are skilled, yet the UK’s non-EU visa cap (for skilled labour) was filled within the first 6 months of 2015.
  • Migration accounts for one third of the deficit in social housing and undoubtedly puts pressure on public services as a whole. 

As the world’s fifth biggest economy, the UK is well placed to supply its own labour. So it would make sense for UK immigration policy to be tailored towards filling any employment shortfalls, with the freedom to draw specialist skills from a global talent pool.

Given the current free movement of people within the EU, Britain’s attempts to reduce net migration have led to incredibly tight restrictions on non-EU students and workers. Leaving the EU would ensure that the very best and brightest minds could come to the UK – wherever in the world they are from. What’s more, an overall cap on migration would allow the UK to ease some of the current (huge) pressure on public services.

Well, that didn’t help me to make my mind up!


Vote Leave published this:

A dossier of murders and rapes committed by 50 EU criminals in Britain has been published by a leading out campaign, in a move described by critics as “scaremongering of the worst kind”.
Vote Leave, which has its campaign committee chaired by the justice secretary, Michael Gove, listed 14 murders and other homicides committed by EU citizens in the UK, including the murder of 14-year-old Alice Gross by the Latvian Arnis Zalkalns.

The dossier also listed rapes by Lithuanian, Polish and Slovakian men with convictions in their home countries. The document quotes Lady Justice Hallett asking: “Do we have to take in anybody, even if they have a conviction for raping a child? OF course we do while were are in the Euro!” 

It is believed that a list of hundreds of criminal charges bought last week against, specifically Eastern European immigrants was witheld, on the orders of a Government Minister.

This doesn’t help me to make my mind up, but it did make me think a bit!

Eventually, I ran out of time and enthusiasm in my search to discover which way to vote.

After all, in a General election, we cannot trust or believe anything that the candidates say.

Thatcher, Blair, Brown and Cameron all failed to find honesty or openness, thus any trust from the electorate.

Then I saw this?


I’m more confused than ever now! Humph!

Political Graphics (Silly) to aid your choice of who to Vote for in May 2015

Where should they be?


What have they done?


Osborne parked in a disabled bay

The real Osborne?


Still, I reckon

M-Theresa May

MPs known not to have fiddled their expenses are marked with a cross.

M-Theresa May

Lib-Dem’s Manifesto

M-Theresa May

The Rt Hon Jeremy Hunt finds a cheaper version of Warfarin for the NHS patients

M-Theresa May

Inchcock refused entry to Parliament, just because he was carrying a home-made stink bomb and had not paid his Poll Tax – Tsk!

M-Theresa May

Ed Miliband fights the removal of page 3 nudes

M-Theresa May

The finest liar since Tony Blair!

M-Theresa May

Quote from The Guardian: David Cameron warned on Sunday that Britain needs to be on alert for “roving firearms terrorist attacks” in Britain!

M-Theresa May

Islington Labour controlled County Council to introduce £60 fines for diesel found leaving their motors running – 2nd offence could mean imprisonment!

Lib-Dems say ban all petrol and Diesel cars by 2040!

M-Theresa May

UKIP – and when you wake up…

M-Theresa May

Would you buy  car from this nepotist?