INCHIE: Monday 20th March 2023

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

More out of it than with it today,
Ideas and plans just fall away daily,
Logic, eye-sight, and hearing fade away.
Dementia Doreen, the brains stowaway…
Is with me every second of every day!
Even when I have a brain scan or x-ray…
Even my hopes are in disarray…
Several times today… and this sounds eerie…
I’ve not been me, but looking at me!
Occasionally this happens, & seems like cajolery,
This scenario holds traces of insanity?
I question my own humanity…
Struggling with the catheter and my cecity,
Losing track, thoughts and memory…
Now the mind-medics say ‘encephalopathy’,
I’ll look that up when this blog has gone away,
Is that owt to do with my Peripheral Neuropathy?
Encephalopathy? It doesn’t mean a thing to me!
Hehehe!

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Sorry, got a lot on today – up to the neck in it,
without the ability to get the jobs done.
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
First Wee-Colour Check.

2nd check. Not sure how I got the colour to look silver? Hehe!

The ankles were looking a lot betterer!

The urine colour also looks betterer!

Georges (Asda) delivered the dressing gowns.

The darned valve leaked again on the

Care Kara called, as did Carers… erm… Sam? and… Kara, Jo… maybe Josef… I’m guessing here… What a mess I’m in.

No idea now what happened for many hours. After Asda on the notepad, something about massage evacuation? A tumble? Lost memory, Mind blanks, and Bladder  problems, leaking?
Not with it at all, here, mates.

Found the George throw on the Carers chair.

Late evening nosh.
Veg; potatoes, vegan cheese and butter,
Did some baked spuds to add.
Think I enjoyed it.

Maybe got my head down earlier than usual.

Woke up in as said above ‘Agony!’ with leg cramps! Trenches and dips in both legs, the right one far worse.
After ten-minutes or so they died down, and I realised that the pouch needed emptying…
Oh, Dearie me!  acci-whoop I lost balance bending down to take the wire off of the valve – the wee splashed over the bucket… mostly on me!
Struggled to the recliner to get back upright, and first thing was to get to the wet room, to strip off and wash myself. During which, I dropped the bottle of disinfectant, and it landed…
On , on the exact spot where the nail had dug itself in! No doubt about it – I was pissed off…
I knocked a selection of the medications off of the floor cabinet… the last olive oil bottle shattered as it hit the floor! At least it missed my feet and toes! I suppose!
Back into the main room, and got disinfecting the carpet, threw my cloths in the laundry bag. I continued cursing as I got back down into the c1966, £300 pound, second-hand charity-shop bought, crumb-containing, odour-retaining, Harold’s Haemorrhoid-testing, nauseatingly beige coloured, non-working, virus-breeding recliner. But could I get back to sleep? No!

I lay there full of self pity. A pathetic site, it must have been.
I’ve not felt this low for… well, ever before.

TTFN

INCHIE TODAY: Wednesday 15th March 2023

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

I woke after what I believed was a six-hour dream, and the memory of the ‘Gone-Missing-Laundry’ came to mind; as I was getting depressed and morbid at the prospects of having no dressing gowns, spending a fortune to replace them and the throws that may turn up, or likely will never will, and the email from the bank asking for confirmation and why I have bought the same things that I~~ did three months ago…

Then the real worry came to me. Wearing trousers for the Brain Scan at the hospital which is going to produce at least agony to poor Little Inchy as the catheter tube pulls and tugs again his fungal lesion. Next, the thought of having no dressing gown to change into and get out of the pain-giving trews when I get home to relieve the pain hit me… Argh!

A Mild Depression Dawned!
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
When I forced my tormented body and mind to rise from the depths of the second-hand, £300, charity shop bought, crumb-retaining, microorganism-microbe producing, gungy, moth-eaten, beige-coloured, non-working, bacillus encouraging, incommodious, Haemorrhoid Harold testing, c1968 recliner, I found that the Catheter punch contents were…


.
At the highest level of colouration on the chart.
.

I think there may be a slight chance, remote possibility, hundred-to-one shot, that today may not be a good one. Then again, when was my last good day?
was not too hopeful of finding my ‘taken-away-to-be-laundered clothing’. The chances, must be slim, but she did say she’d have another look around for me.

Found my laundry.
But no throws in there.

Morning:
CorelDraw not letting me add any photos.
Trouble getting into WP.
Mousee taking me left & right, not up and down?
Fearing the worse here…

INCHIE TODAY: Saturday 11th March 2023

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
Heck of a shock here today! The NHS input site advised me to ring NHS 111 starlight away, So I did!
But they were too busy and told me to visit the NHS 111 site. So, I did.
An hour later, I filled in the questions asked & guessed at the choices made.
Sent it off and was told someone would contact me later. They are very busy, and this may take some time, be patient. So, I did!
I went to make a brew, and the telephone rang – I was surprised I heard it in the kitchen, but, there you are, I did.
Answered many questions and had to guess at a few. The nurse had an accent, and the kine was not good, so it took a time to review all the needed details. Ultimately, she decided that the SYSs 128, and 119, with respective DIAs 57 and 59, were okay? This despite the NHS monitoring site telling me it was Too Low and to ring 111?
Don’t feel too confident about this. But then again, it’s unsurprising; they are the lowest readings I’ve ever had?

Well, the lowest B~P readings ever, advised to ring 111 – told to go online, spent ages sorting required details. Told it was okay. And earlier, this above when I woketh up. Similar farces these two. If the blood in the wee is level 6 or 7, I’m supposed to ring 111 – Ha!

I was woken up (Didn’t get settled until around 04:00hrs) and was woken by the arrival of Carer Sam. I was half out of it, having just been stirred reluctantly back to life. Think we had a chinwag, and Sam took the washing nada waste bag on her way out. Thank you.

Porcelain Throne visited, cleaned up the kitchen, dropped the milk bottle, and stubbed my toes again. The brain was not too interested in being creative and went on strike a few times when I got nothing done whatsoever; just seemed to sit here thinking but not knowing why or what of?

The yes were still bad, and concentration as well.
Dizzy Dennis, The Kathleen Catheter tube, and Anne Gyna all gave me bother of some sort. I really was only half here for many hours. Scary!  Sort of light-headed, I suppose… mind you, I still am now seven hours later.

Lost the camera but found it a few hours later, hidden in front of me to the right of the computer – How the hell did I miss that?

Liberty-Global Virgin Media went down.
I made a brew and fell asleep for a while…
A while? Four bloody hours!

Carer Jo-Anne arrived; I was still a bit vague about things.
After the gal left… Ah, it was Jo-Anne I think that tool the washing? I could be wrong; of course, it has been known.

No sunset tonight. Boo!

Found the camera.
Lost the eye drops.
Sadly no chance of any sunset tonight… Sob!

Took early evening shots.

A couple of hours late, these…

Very little snow left now

Then got the soup and put the potatoes and soya bits in with it,
then the seasoning. But could not find the mint sauce?
Are a lot of things disappearing today?

Looking okay to me.

Blogging for another hour or two.
Got about ten minutes’ worth of work done, Huh!

Carer Ayowoke arrived. The first time I’d seen him. Nice lad. He gave me a roster for next week, no Carer Richard in it! I asked if he knew anything about Richard, but he did not know him.

Did some more effort on this blog, but I still can’t get my head around the
NHS telling me to ring NHS 111, and then eventually, telling me to log onto the web with NHS 111. After having to log in all my details, telling me
that the Blood Pressure figures were okay?

I got the nosh on and served up.
Another part-canned meal.
A can of Asda Chunky Lamb & Vegetable soup.
Couldn’t find the mint sauce to add to it,
I think maybe it may have gone out of date? (Spit!)
Added vegetable stock and some Pertranic,
Cooked & sliced potatoes, just one finger knick!.
Soy bacon thingies added; the final bit…
Wholemeal rolls for me to dunk and dip!
And soon, I’d demolished it!
Eating every morsel and bit!
Flavour Rating: 705/10.

The late Carer was Carole-Anne.
Still no .
We had a mini natter & laugh. Refreshing!

acci-whoopI woke up as my ginormously flabby body hit the floor!
Landing conveniently on my bottom, but rather, unfortunately, the burst open .
It was the mess of sorting things out that got to me rather than the bleeding itself. Handily, it was almost easy to get me back up on my bloated feet and legs… The first job was to check .
I placed some paper towels inside the Protection Pants first, then looked over the pouch, grippers and tubing. All seems to be still attached.

Off to the wet room, giving the door frame a mini shoulder-charge as I went in. That hurt more than anything else did. Hehehe! I didn’t fret about this being half asleep; I expected that ,   and would cause me some problems.
Even joined in with an . Only a little one, but enough for me to knock the Germoloid, Daktacort and Savlon creams off of the floor cabinet. Then after the haemorrhoids were treated… the always ‘Painful-Job’ of Cleaning up and ointmentationing !

 After a multitude of Argh! – Ouches, curse words and loathings, and a moment of ‘Why Me Mate’ emotions, it was done.

REFLECTIONS

I was amazingly calm and physiological about things… at least, I think I was? That’s probably not the word I should have used?
It could have been a sign of my acceptance of the circumstances or my rotten luck?
I may have been sick to the back teeth (mind you, there’s only one of them left in the mouth now) of hearing myself moan and whining on about my inabilities, ailments, frustrations, Accifauxpas, Whoopsiedangleplops, eyesight, hearing, Cathy Catheter pains, shortage of pouches, and the seemingly never-ending Bladder-Infection. Being bald, overweight, Duodenal Donald, Little Inches Phimosis and fungal lesion, Peripheral Neuropathy, having two strokes, being shot twice, scared shit of going in water.
Now, there’s the , and the 80 40 0 lurgy. The palpitating of the mechanical ticker. The almost persistent No help attainable for things like the computer and letters that are either too small or complicated for me to hear, see or understand? This will, I assume, be due to the attention gleaned of…
.

But I don’t complain…
Hahaha!

INCHIE TODAY: Tuesday 7th March 2023

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Starting with a bit of a laugh from Inchie

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

I think I spent more time today out of it – than in?
Problems with the bank (unsorted), WordPress (ongoing),
CorelDraw (a night & daymare), Catheter Kathleen’s
Accoutrements (Sorted by Carer Carole-Anne), the start
of Trotsky Terence and the lurgy; a combined, concerted
attack that was still in full flow this morning. (Wednesday). 
Multitudinous Memory Blanks and many periods for which
I have not yet made a name to use for it. It’s hard to
explain as well. But I’ll try;

 ❶: Over perhaps a four-hour period, during which two carers called, and several times I forgot what they had just said and what I was saying and going to say in reply.
❷: My mood went from euphoria to depression within seconds and kept alternating for a few minutes? (This has happened a couple of times over this last week, and this is the second session of it this week?
❸: The mind blanks and freezes can last for seconds or hours?.
❹: Sometimes I am so positive about something – certain, sure…
Until five minutes, or hours, days later, and the doubts, dithering and then the oscillating begins.
❺: Questioning my own decisions. Loathing my actions sometimes…
Momentarily engulfing bigger problems I have…
❻: Then, any stage or condition of mind may take over (worryingly)
This can vary from a ‘Sod-Em-all’, ‘Why bother?’, ‘No one is bothered’, to a newish standard for me. ‘What can I say?’ ‘What can I do?…
❼: Which always turns into a self-loathing mode, frustration, or a hated, pathetic, dreaded Dracula-Depression.

If the end is really, nigh…
Why should I wonder why?
My depression I’d like to transmogrify…
My brain & logic, to reunify,
Or would it be best to just die?
My moustache, with indigo dye?
Either way, would there be an outcry?
Or, take some CBD or eat some nautili?
I asked for help, do I get a reply?
I’m losing it quicker as time goes by…
No good luck, fortune or stimuli!
Sleep: I’m not getting much shuteye,
Failures, bad luck; no shortage have I!
Should I eat Spinach, like Popeye?
But no, in vitamin K it’s too high!
Banned for me, like sprouts & broccoli…
Cabbage, grapefruit, at least I know why,
What can I do: Whatever I try…
But I’ll not let myself sink, mope or cry…
What to have to eat? (I give a sigh!)
Worrying, my weight’s getting so high!
Apache potatoes, & a lemon cream pie?
My gluttony, I cannot rectify,
The Catheter hangs down painfully from my thigh,
Although, what the heck does that signify?
We’ll never know… bye-bye.
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Photos of the day with the odd bit of comment.

Crisp-coloured day pouch.

Not the foggiest idea now; why I took this one?

Nor this one, but there may have been a witty idea drifting about that I could use... but it escaped!

Aha! The Ocado order arrived.
Marmite!
Fullish cupboard?
Been after trying this for ages.
Spring Water stockpile?
Apache potatoes.
Good looking and tasting, too!

A smidge bloodier?

Afternoon clouds.
Very nice…
Absolutely gorgeous close-up!
Do you see a duck’s or snake’s head?

Later…
Could be from another planet.
These three had another sun showing up on the photo?
Or did they?

Sunset starting…

Reflection… or whatever you call it…

Dang it, I had to visit the Porcelain Throne
Thus the flow started…
nine more visits before midnight!.
ARGH!

The last views of the Sundown…

Fare Thee Well!

I think Carers Choe, Anne=Mrie, Sam and erm... er… Charly did for me today. So many blanks in the memory.

State of the pouches colourisationings today…

A one on the scale – Perfect!

1.5 Grrreat!

Whoops! Bottom Grade is not good; 7

acci-whoopWell, fancy that!

TTFN

INCHIE TODAY: Saturday 25th February 3023

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Sorry, no text, time, pains or Dementia Doreen.

Things are not good. Cheers!

INCHIE TODAY: Friday 24th February 2023

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
HOW LONG CAN THESE HORRID DAYS GO ON?

I woke at about 06:00hrs. The pains in the sole of the right foot were agonising. I tried to stand up, but the pain was so tender I had to sit down again. After a minute or two of ponderisationing, I decided to press the Wristlet Alarm. For I could not even get back up on my feet, let alone get to the Porcelain Throne (I don’t think I need to tell you what happened, very embarrassing indeed!) or unlock the front door.
I was having great difficulty hearing what the nice lady in Nottingham City Homes Control on the monitor was saying. This was hurting more than Mystery Rib Pains Petunia, Shaking-Shoulder-Shirley, or even Catheter Kathleen’s tune had been! It was only about, last a guess, 20 minutes before the Paramedics arrived, and the pains were already reduced to a level-5 rating as they arrived. But walking, or rather hobbling, took me a little longer to tackle. There were three of them, one I think might have been a trainee.

They did the usual ECG Temp etc. But could not even guess what was causing the pain in the foot. The lady had a close look underfoot, declaring that she could see nothing that might be causing the pains? However, they put a pad around the foot that should ease the pressure of standing up.
I just had to go to the Porcelain Throne, which I painfully did.
The pad fell off on my way back to the room.

They asked many questions, many of which I could not answer. The Carer not turning up for the medicationalisationings concerned them. I said they had probably had someone not turn in for work. And they were only about an hour late. Pressure on those at work today, methinks. They came an hour or so later; not their fault, no blame attached.

I told him about the Brain Scan due today and the lack of transport to get there. He assured me that the NHS transport would collect me. The man in charge, wrote a note for the carer to ring the number he’d circled on the QMC letter to ask for a lift for me. During their attendance, one asked me if I usually speak the wrong words. I said others had mentioned it, but I was not aware, pointing out that Dementia Doreen is to blame.

I remember ringing Meridian, but I could not hear properly. I went into a Mind-Blank-Mode for a while. A Carer arrived, Adele, I think. She medicated me. Then, I tried to get the blog for yesterday done…

I seemed in and out all day, mentally. Finally, at about 23:00hrs, the pain in the right foot became bearable… what the heck is it?
Carer Jozef and Carole Anne called. No idea if any others did. The pan had left me terribly confused… which, of course, I always am. But this was more acute in handicapping me.
The day flew by all the same. I’ll get the photos from the camera now and see if any memories ate prompted. I think they will be in order… Huh!

The day is now a blur to me. (Saturday A.M.)
The level of pain from the Mystery-Underfoot-Pain varied throughout the day, I think. From bad to chronic, Tsk! Yet some bits I recall in detail, others not at all, or vaguely. Then again, maybe I just think I remember? But do I? I sense I was laughing and joking with some Carers? But was I?
I’ve had a painful lump or bruise on my neck this morning. Mayhap, I had a tumble or walked into something. But did I?
I’ll get the photographs from the SD card and see if they help. I can recall the sunset being stronger… I think. I’ll get them loaded and onto CorelDraw to sort out and post here.
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Woke in agony with the right foot underfoot pains.
Pressed the wristlet alarm when I realised it was too painful to stand up, let alone hobble around. Controller called the paramedics. Three arrived. (See above, please) Man left a note for Carers in their log book. Asking them to ring the QMC to try to book a lift to the Brain Scan job.
The District Nurse, or the Warfarin DVT nurse, or both (I think) arrived. O~ne rang the QMC for me, but I could not get through. She rang their main switchboard, and they tried but could not get through, (Leave a message each time). The lady will ring back as soon as she knows.
She did ring back. No lift was available, so she cancelled the appointment and rearranged it for March.
I got through to Easy-Link, and the kind lady accepted the booking for Wednesday, 15th March, at 13:15hrs for the brain scan. Bless her!
I was not in a good state, panic-wise and mentally, by then.
I thought it would be a good idea to let the Carers know that I am not going out this morning. So they do not get confused like what I am. Haha!
As I dialled Meridian, I suffered a Stuttering Stephanie Attack, and Dizzy Dennis joined in. I must have been waffling on intelligibly cause I was told I was talking rubbish. Which I naturally assumed I was, no doubt about that. I apologised and rang off.
.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Feet-Leg

Paramedics notes
View from the computer chair
Hear perfect Urine Colour.

Getting late…
Possible sunset brewing?
Not made it, but beautiful all the same!
Loved this one…

Nightie-night!

Has urine stopped flowing?

Totally Crap Meal Made!
Chips tasteless…
Marmite Cobs stale…
Frankfurter Sausage was tasteless…
Strawberry dessert, horribly over-sweet!
Tomatoes were bitter!
Flavour-Rating 2.2/10

Evening all!

INCHIE TODAY: Sunday 19th February 2023

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

WELL, SNIPPETS, ANY WAY…

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Today was possibly, maybe, perhaps, conceivably, feasibly perhaps, I imagine, I dare say without too much doubt (although this may be debatable), it is plausibly my worst day since being born, then years later, finding out from the midwife that mater’s first words and action as the accoucheuse lady handed me to mother in a bloodied pillow slip.

This is Genuine; Mother also admitted it years later.
Telling me that she took to me later.

“I don’t want it; throw it in the Trent!” Then dropped her fag ash from her Park Drive all over me.” Not one of the best starts to life, but now I’m nearing the end of it; it dawns on me that nothing seems to have changed?

Ah, life’s been good to me”

Not much of Diary again, sorry. I even had a roughly three-hour spell of total memory loss, a Mind-Blank, if you like. Mind you, when I came back into ersatz reality, the sunset was just starting, and I spent about two hours photographing the sun and skies… I’m just addicted to the beauty of it. Not a lot I can remember, my scrawled notes are not of much use, I’m afraid.

Anyway, here I go…

Up around 06:15hrs, and realised that the need for the porcelain Throne was due. I got the night pouch off of the .
Hastened to the Throne and a messy job it was again.

To the kitchen to take these three terrible photographs of the view.

Sorry about this…
Not good at all…

Made up the waste bags, a brew and Carer Jozef arrived. He was obviously running behind and wanted and or needed to press on with his rounds. So I did not engage him in any gossiping. Nice lad.

Made a start on updating yesterday’s blog. The pouch was filling up and needed emptying a few times more than usual… but every single time I bent down to open the valve for emptying, I went light-headed, and Dizzy Dennis paid a visit. This went on all day and is the same now at 23:00hrs

Then, the mind blank arrived. Not the foggiest memory, but a Carer had been and signed the log… who or what happened? I know not.
Also, my little finger was hurting and the left side of the jaw too???
A tumble? Had I walked into a doorframe again? Mmm?

I remember Carer Caroline arriving, and I found out that I’d not given her a torch, so did so. Lovely gal!

Things came back as normal as they can be for me around sunset time. And boy, did I get fascinated by the changing sky… Yes, I did! Hehe!
Here are all the Sunset photographs I took; I think I spent ages, with a few interruptions:

First shot

Clouds move all the time…

Sun lowering…

Coming through…

Nearly through…

Took a close-up

Getting brighter…

Ah, the colour comes…

Darn it! Had to go empty the pouch.
Got back in time to catch these beauties…