Do you know… are you listening?
There were times today; I’m not kidding…
When I almost knew what I was doing!
Twelve goes at the Catheter irrigating,
There must be summat else, it’s irritating…
So much I keep on forgetting,
Doreen Dementia’s inquinating…
My memory, she’s masticating…
The Doctor’s ready for cognoscing,
My concentration is cadencing,
I await good luck commencing,
My brain is beyond assubjugating.
I suppose all this should be heartbreaking?
But a chance of some little ameliorating…
I’ve got cheesy potatoes in the oven baking!
I can smell the cheese as it’s melting…
I bet this is going to taste belting!
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
20:15hrs now. Another day flashes by. What I’ve done and why. Who’s been to see me? Can’t remember, can’t decree… Been a sad muddled day for me! So, some photos you can see, Feeling so confused, I could cry!
First Pouch emptying…
Before the mist descended.
Food order. Some treats for the Carers.
One of the afternoon pouch emptying. Amazing colour, healthy looking!
Nice parking today!
Mug of Glengettie, note-less notepad, and a nose bleed.
Blimus! This one filled up quickly.
Late Carer Josef called. Only needed some painkillers to ease the mild agony from the Catheter bag tube in Little Inchy. Argh!
The plan was to show a photo of the served-up nosh here. However: The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry!
No matter how carefully a project is planned, something may still go wrong with it. The saying is adapted from a line in “To a Mouse” by Robert Burns: “The best-laid schemes o’ mice an’ men / Gang aft a-gley.” Yes, Inchie forgot to put the SD card back in the camera again! So the evening shot and shot of the TV on, also, as Rabbi Burns said… “Gang aft a-gley “.
When I emptied night pouch, I did remember to put the car in first. Tsk!
Not a good colour.
When I was nodding off, I needed to utilise the. again. The visit took me half an hour or so overall. Sticky, gooey, messy. The actual evacuation maybe lasted a minute. The cleaning up & medicating… ages! Costly business nowadays. Last year the above cost me £2.19 – Now… £4.99! But it does a good job of easing .
On that rather sordid note, I’ll leave you now. (Fri Morning) And get this blog checked. (I’m bound to miss some mistakes, of course, I’m getting good at that recently) and sent off to WordPress.
Gotten Himmel & Cragknangles! Am I ever going to get any better? The obvious answer is no!. Dementia Doreen is the worst problem. Because people just do not understand… I don’t understand! Why do I do so many things okay, one minute, then I lose it. I may get a Mind-Blank, which is scary even to me… but not until I realise I’ve had one. Then the depressions start. But not for long. Why can’t I realise that the memory is going to affect me, or lack of it and confusion in the head? Numbers, letters (Mail), dates, and times all get jumbled up – thus, I can’t even rely on myself to grasp, hold on to things, and wander off physically and mentally at times. Taking two hours, and finding the time too as well, to get the shower shaving done??? Times I feel I’m almost in charge… but, of course, the question is, Am I actually? People do not realise the lack of control and ability to cope. That’s without taking into account the Catheter, bladder, prostate, tumbling and falls, cataracts, Glaucoma, Saccades, deafness, and Peripheral Neuropathy with its balance and leg dances ever-threatening.
Shaking Shaun, Dizzy Dennis, the Mystery Rib Pains, Little Inchies struggle with the Phimosis, inserted tube and his fungal lesion bleeding, Duodenal Donald, Haemorrhoid Harold, and Anne Gyna. And my fear of paperwork, Reflux Roger, and Confusion Konrad through not retaining any details, making notes, and just forgetting about them. I’m not coping well.
The first brain scan is on Friday – wonder if they’ll find one in there? Yet sometimes, I seem to be sharp-witted, but that is soon frittered away. The bad moments seem to stay longer… or ~I think they do. My confidence is shattered. I’m up and down all the time. In and out of logicalness, caring and then not caring. Frustrated and get so angry with myself when I lose events and have no idea what has taken place. What I was about to do… this crap I’m writing is coming easily, flowing from my mind… Why?
Just thought I’d mention it, like.
I suppose if, or rather when, it gets worse, it won’t bother me so much? But the thought of going into a home… I don’t think I could allow that. Then again, would I realise it if it happened?
No diary but some photos. More or less in order of events.
Up, emptied and removed the , and emptied washed the bucket, and checked on the urine colouration.
Not too good.
Photographed the morning view.
Got the spuds in the slow cooker and made a brew. Which I promptly dropped and then got cleaned up to the accompaniment of some self-slandering curse words.
Many, many or more hours later. After blogging away – Well, I mean making mistakes, errors etc on the blog. Visits from Carer Charly amid Sam. I marathon, never had one that took longer – No, that’s a fib, sorry. I had my first barium meal; they forgot to give me the crystals to free things up on the Porcelain Throne. For four hours, I sat sitting in agony. So today’s hour was nothing. I’m sorry I mentioned it now. And many emptying of the catheter day pouch; it is so small…
I did another urine check. Grrreat! Carried out the Blood Pressure testing.
For about two hours, boy, did the wee-weeing do well.
I was working on the blog, but that is all I recall. Mind-Blank again!
Shame about the Sunsetting – it didn’t! At least it was covered by the clouds. But I did get some interesting shots…
I can see her in this one… Took a close-up of her… And so quickly, she was gone. Fare Thee Well!
Did the second G~P test.
Oh, ‘eck, not so good today, then?
Got some canned veg soup in the saucepan and flavoured it with some basil, and sea salt. Added baked beans and garden peas… I know what you are thinking… “Why did the pillock put peas in with beans? I’ll tell yers… I’ve no idea! Another mind, blank, and when I realised I may have left the pan on, or tap, or stove, or heater… Tsk! I hastened to the kitchenette to check. And sure enough, I could see the beans and peas in the soup. I added sliced tomatoes, the potatoes from the crockpot, and a sprinkle of basil. What the hell it will taste like, I don’t know.
Carer Richard arrived. Got the night bag on, and within five minutes as he was sorting the medications, it had filled up almost a third??? We had a little natter, moan and laugh, and off he trotted to his bed. I had a last go at this blog. Then heated the rather scary-looking pan of vegetable soup with the potatoes and baked means – it didn’t look particularly attractive. Hehehe!
Got some cobs in the oven, and I bravely served up the food in a giant plastic basin. And tackled it!
I ate nearly all of this vegetable stew concoction and two of the bread rolls. Took me a while to eat it, and I fell asleep part-way through doing so. A miracle it didn’t fall on the floor!
04:30hrs: I woke up juddering and acclimatised myself to the current renewal of consciousness.
Needed a wee-wee, hauled my gigantic mould of flab from the c1966, £300 pound, second-hand charity-shop bought, crumb-containing, odour-retaining, Harold’s Haemorrhoid-testing, nauseatingly beige coloured, non-working, virus-breeding recliner, and caught my balance.
Took a wee; that had some PMAD (Post- Micturition-After-Dribbling). And took the bucket to be emptied, rinsed and refreshed. (To say how little I passed, the bucket was surprisingly half full)
I took these snaps of a clear morning; there was no fog lingering this Christmas Morning. Well, in my misty mind, perhaps!
Got the kettle on, sorted out some new potatoes, removed the shoots growing out of them, and got them in the slow cooker. Added some of the delightful Polish Winiary sauce, very tasty indeed. Winiary Przyprawa, it’s named.
A mystery photo was found later on. This is it on the left here. As I recall, I’d just cleaned up the sink, and this is the cloth soaking in the bowl? But why?
Got a brew of Thompson Punjana tea made up.
Got onto the computer and dunked four shortcake biscuits into the tea.
Checked the notepad. Took an unwilling wee-wee. Washed and went back to the computer to finish the cold tea.
Continued to visit the bucket, with short, painful trickles of urine regularly for the next two hours. The computer work was farcical. Couldn’t see properly, had zero concentration, and talk about making errors!
Would you believe it? The Liberty-Global-Virgin Media went down?
Gave up on Fries’s rubbish Internet service
I took this picture to try and take a shot of me waving in the reflection on the balcony door glass.
I made a mess of that, too. The computer came back on, and I’d had a flood of WordPress comments come it.
So I replied to it. Hahaha!
Well pleased with these results!
Ah, he’s not gone out to see his children with the Christmas Presents kids he’s built for them… or was it him making the noise?
Called 12 minutes.
Called four minutes.
Hello, Herbert banging again; only lasted a minute if that? Hope nobody has broken into his flat.
Jillie called, bad line couldn’t hear her, she gave up.
Rang her back, but with my hearing so bad and the dodgy line, it was a struggle to make conversation. I think she is poorly.
Sister Jane rang, but the same thing, and she rang off.
Rang her back, and it was not any better. She did manage to tell me off about a few things I was doing wrong or ought to be doing. But she was talking so fast, I lost most of it.
Made an Asda order for next Tuesday 28th, from 11:30 > to 12:30 hours.
Well, would you believe it!
I went to have a look around and make a brew while Mr Fries, Liberty-Global-owned Virgin Media, was yet again offline.
I’d left the hot tap running. Obviously, did not check it, or did he? It might be me getting mixed up here; either way, no hot water to get the done!
Made another brew, Glengettie, this time.
Took a shot of the car park from the kitchenette window. Made up some waste bags.
Emptied, cleaned and sanitised the Wee-wee bucket, and disinfected it.
From this point, the wee-wees became less painful, and some of them were not sprinkly. Yes!
God heavens above, it’s 21:20hrs already!
Better get summat to eat then. Cottage pie and potatoes sound good enough for me on this depressing, lonely, miserable Christmas Day.
CHANGE OF PLANS: I’d forgotten I had the new potatoes in the crock-pot. And the Vegan stuffing was on its use-by date, so I had them with tomatoes and a few tomatoes, followed by a pot of mandarins in orange jelly and a pot of my favourite Lemon Soy yoghourt. Taste rating: 702/10.
I poddled cautiously into the kitchenette to wash the pots, and the stomach and back pains got a lot worse for some unknown reason.
The evening sky looked like one of those that looked more like a water painting than a picture. Bootiful!
It took me a long time to get to sleep; due the and the even more crippling stomach and back pains.
But things were about to get worserer!
The next blog with all the bare, sordid details will Cover Monday and Tuesday – all spent in the Queens Medical A&E Centre, then Nottingham City Hospital Urology Wing.
07:15hrs: The semi-reactivation of the brain began. reigned. I lay there uncomfortably in the aged, grotty-looking c1966 made, charity-shop-bought, horribly beige-coloured, £300, Harold’s Haemorrhoid-testing, non-operational, acne-giving, virus-breeding, rickety, easy-to-fall-out-of recliner… The raging, interfering with my trying to work out if it was night or day, the watch told me only the time, which could have been night or day, of course. And what day was it? I assumed it was evening, and I’d nodded off; because the TV was on. As I fought off the to get some clarity…
sounded, and in walked , a smile on her face… Why I’m not sure, but I was now convinced it was night. She got the medications given to me, and we had a little chat. She asked me if I’d met the new Carer. When I said, “Yes, Ty… he came this morning…” Jodie pointed out that this was the morning, and he had come last night! My bamboozlement only got worse.I should have realised by the different medications she’d given me, but I honestly can’t remember taking them now. As we chatted, I worked out that it was well into the morning when I got to sleep, and that’s the reason I was still in a head-down mode when Jodie arrived. I told her of the new flavour available in the thank-you-treats. The red cans I put in yesterday’s blog. Selected a cold nibble from the fridge – I’m struggling nowto recall everything spoken of. I think I asked Jodie to check the taps for me when she calls, to make suite I’d not left them running, and turn them off if I had? I did apologise for there being two big bags of waste to go to the chute, explaining that I forgot to ask Carer Ty to take them. I think we parted laughingly. Oh, and I’d unlocked the door for her to get in, either… well, I was asleep still. Haha!
Making a brew of Glengettie, I realised that I had not had, and did not feel the need, for a wee-wee. Very rare, that!
As I got the computer on, the nyaff, noisy nasty nitwit in the flat above started his tapping and banging – for hours on end! Swine! Not that it bothered me. of course.
After a couple of hours of updating the Thursday blog, Got it now; it’s definitely a Friday today [Jodie told me]). I noted the beautiful hue of the morning, and also, it was not raining! I took this picture from the kitchenette window. A dramatic shade, don’t you think? Then it came to me that in my morning confusion, I had not checked the calendar. So, I did! Just a note to remind me to make an Asda order for next Monday. So, I did! ETA 16:00 > 17:00hrs. So, Carer Richard’s treats in thanks he can have Tuesday this week.
I eventually got the updating done hours later and posted it to WordPress. Then did some Pinteresting. Then I started this template an hour.Herbert was giving it some hammer again but stopped after an hour or so… I’m anticipating that he will be kicking off again soon. (He did later!)
I don’t like this lack of sleep when it makes me get up late; it throws everything in the mind into disorder. Heavens above, it’s 13:30hrs already!
Plodded on with the blogging (And still no wee-wee taken???) for an hour or so. but got weary again and turned off everything, and got a meal done
I couldn’t eat half of this plateful. I’d made too much. I was soon fighting to stay awake.
I put the tray down, and .
Broke my moments of bliss… I awoke in utter confusion. I was certain that it was morning, and my first thought was, did I lock the door last night? I rose and caught my balance. I did hear Bang-about Herbert start his knocking and tap-tapping again as began to walk to the door to check if the Carer was locked out or not. From somewhere in my head, something told me this just can’t be… a doubt, nagging at me…
appeared just as I was doubting my earlier assessment of the day and time. He clarified it was Friday evening. Not Saturday morning for me. et doubts still lingered.This was, and is, a worrying concern for me!
Jozeph was understanding of my haziness. Sorted the medications and listened to them while I explained what the effects that can and are doing to my sanity. Not moaning; I was just explaining. But not fully understanding my present plight myself. I insisted on his selecting a can of his choice and some nibbles for my keeping him from his own bed. As I said, he was patient & understanding toward me. This in itself cheered me a little, knowing that someone cared enough to listen. And the lad must have been tired out himself at the end of his shift. He’s in the mould of Carer Richard.
As I hobbled with him to the door to lock it after him, I spotted the bag of rat food I’d bought from Wilko, in mistake for bird food, and mentioned this whoopsiedangleplop to Jozeph. Turns out that he has a pet rat at home. I gave him the bag of food to use, I felt better after doing so, and it cheered up one tired Carer. Me, and hopefully, it will satisfy the taste buds of one pet rat. Haha! Should I remember, I’ll ask him the name of his rat on his next call.
After writing this, I had to check that I did lock the door… thus the kicked in. I checked the taps in the wet room and kitchen. Stove, fridge & freezer doors, and even checked the door another time!
What a nitwit!
I espied the last of the sunset when I checked the kitchenette out for any disasters. I got the Lumix camera and, on the SCN setting, chose the Night View option. Not too bad, I suppose. Trouble is nowadays with the three optical ailments, , the dreaded and also , I can never be certain if photos, graphics and things are right or not, good or bad, pathetic, or a shambles!
Hello… I sense a warm wetness in the front of my diapers… I mean protection pants! Hehehe! I went to the wet room to investigate. At first, I thought it was going to be poor Little Inchies , and fear of applying the stinging, painful Daktacort ointment sank my spirits. This is one medication that is always an agony to use!
But No! for it being just the lasered bladder that had passed a little … but without informing me that I needed a wee-wee! It does that sometimes, since the cancer-lasering. It got more frequent after the stroke. I only get embarrassed, not angry, about this ailment; after all, Bladder Belinda has lost ⅓rd of her storage capacity. At least it wasn’t blooded this time. (As it would have been if the Fungal-lesion had burst again!) Had a clean-up, got a new pair of Depend protection pants on, jammies back on, and back to the computer; feeling pretty good, really. I wish now that I’d had a shave while in there.
Those American PPs contained most of the escaping wee-wee. There are so reliable! Oh, dear, should I have risked saying that? Haha!
I got carried away with creating the Ode. Made a mess of it, and my concentration shot again. Errors after mistakes and Mind-Blanks!