Chinwag With Alto-Ego Inchie!

Confounding Confusionableitis!

Time for a proper chinwag with Alto-Ego Inchie. Who I consider as much a mental ailment like all the other medical ones. I am determined to free myself of his persistent, nagging interference in my thoughts. His mission it seems to me is to make me feel guilty, inadequate, inconsequential, ineffective, and insignificant.

Which he has in fact already successfully achieved.

Although, possible beyond the understanding of anyone normal mortal, and maybe anyone who does not have a cruel, Alto-Ego, nagging away, analysing, mocking and criticising your every decision, and choice, one makes or decides on.

This natter took place last night as I lay in bed, with the notepad near to hand, and took place in several episodes! Sleep was certainly not an option for me…

Inchcock Opens The Chinwag Session:

Inchcock: I can sense your sneering and contempt Inchie, and I have to say you are a bane!
Inchie: Huh! Do yer fink I like being stuck in your brain!

Inchcock: Then go away, stop giving me mental pain!
Inchie: What the hell do think it’s like in here? In your dithering, feckless, vacillant thought-filled indecisive brain?

Inchcock: That’s it, go on, put me down, mock again…
Inchie: From human contact, you should refrain…

Inchcock: You said that when we last spoke, now again?
Inchie: Oh, a comeback from Inchcock, I’ve heard better insults from solid lepidomelane!

Inchcock: Erm… lepidomelane? Wot’s that then? Explain!
Inchie: When you read fings, facts you should retain!
Inchcock: Did I read about lepidomelane?
Inchie: Yer! In 1963, yer pea brain!
Inchcock: I’ve got Vascular Dementia, mental pain…
Inchie: Oh shurrup! Abarght time yer took yer Novocain?
Inchcock: You’ve changed the topic, confused me, yer know that makes me go brain-lame!
Inchie: Course I do, you pillock, I’ve had enough of this game…
Inchcock: What games that’s then, are you on cocaine?
Inchie: Yer coming owt with the insults tonight Inchcock! Enough! This topic’s getting too urbane…
Alright, I’ll piss off then!

Inchcock almost nodded off, when Inchie Returned!

Inchie: Hey-up, I’m calling back in defiance!
Inchcock: Why? Have no cognisance!
Inchie: Thought I might catch you on the loo, by chance…
Inchcock: You ‘horrible scumball! You no allegiance?
Inchie: Allegiance? Any idea wot that means?
Inchcock: I learnt that when in my teens!
Inchie: Huh! Gonna give me more gibberish?
Inchcock: Well, thanks for your pertinent attendance…
Inchie: Eh? Playing tricks? Do you mean good riddance?
Inchcock: Well, yes, I do, I’ve had enough of your cruel words!
Inchie: Wot, me? You’re the one spouting insulting words…
Inchcock: Am I? I was just making some lemon curds…
Inchie: What out off… Turds?

Inchcock ignored the Alta-Ego – With Difficulty Mind

He mellowed a little, and went deep in thought, until Inchie returned, and was ready to mislead the interloper…

Inchie: Wotsup, dogbreath? Pissed-off again, blockhead?
Inchcock: Oddly I thought that is what would be said…
Inchie: What’s yer game, that was said well mannered?
Inchcock: It’s up to us both, kill this mutual arguing, time to get together, and start apologising… not endangered!
Inchie: What? Am I being outmanoeuvred?
Inchcock: No mate! My wish is for you to get scunnered!
Inchie: You mean like, we get together and schnockered?
Inchcock: That’s it, we can have our relationship bettered!
Inchie: Summat wrong ‘ere… you and me, get stonkered?
Inchcock: Yea… let our animosity be withered!
Inchie: Why? you dare not… your lily-livered!

Inchcock: Hahaha! Such a poetic turn of phrase!
Inchie: Well, I’m not used to giving praise…
Inchcock: Oh, it’s easy, ns so many ways…
Inchie: Worra yer mean?
Inchcock: We could take time out, play the Steinways…
Inchie: Yer…
Inchcock: Go on holiday, as stowaways?
Inchie: Oh…
Inchcock: Have a drink, see where our hands stray…
Inchie: Hang on, are you after me body?
Inchcock: No, you haven’t got one, although you can have some control over mine, anyway ♥,
Inchie: Not ‘aving that… but then I couldn’t… could I?
Inchcock: not sure, but I’d risk it if you will. I’m free on Wednesday?
Inchie: Erm… I’m not used to this, who’s gonna pay?
Inchcock: You pay in enjoyment, we both can on the day?
Inchie: Hey, hey, hey… Could we just stop arguing, and have a laze?
Inchcock: Certainly, and we could have a few hoorays?
Inchie: I feel my emotions coming ablaze…
Inchcock: I could bring some bottles… Chardonnays?
Inchie: Surely it can’t be done? No ways!
Inchcock: You Pratt! You’re only in my mind! Best then if we return to our mental, non-verbal affrays!

 –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –

Inchcock was arrested and rushed to the Psychiatric Hospital by paramedics, after being caught making rigorous love to his non-existent Alto Ego Inchie, in the balcony of his flat this evening.

The Doctor told the Inchcock Today reporter: “We managed to stop his weeing with excitement, and finally convinced him was not having sex for the first time in his life. He is currently being treated for Psychotic Manic Depression.

Luckily the Doctor on duty had treated Mr Inchcock several times before over the years and had a straight jacket to hand.

Inchcock is expected to be released in a few years, providing he doesn’t kick the bucket earlier! (He’s getting on a bit)

Part of the Inchcock Make ‘Em Laugh Series

Inchcock’s Ode: Talking with my ailments – Part Two

Talking with my ailments

Introduction:

Part Two – Shaking Shoulder Shirley

After Inchcock was diagnosed with Peripheral Neuropathy, he then got told he was a diabetic. Then had a stroke. (He’s a lucky lad… Not!) Next, a Subconjuntival Haemorrhage in his right eye.

Then while recovering in an NCH (Nottingham City Homes) Care Home, Shaking-Shoulder-Shirley introduced herself. He presumes this is due to the (Nicodemus’s) Nerve ends dying. But the occasional Neuropathy Pete’s shuddering, shaking and jerking of the right side of his body and limbs rarely last for more than a few minutes at max. Usually, Shirley is a lot more violent for some unknown reason and can wear the old man down when she’s persistent. Shaking and lashing about. Her efforts recently have increased somewhat, time-wise, and Inchcock says, “After a long hour or so session, I’m convinced she is trying to wrench my humeral head bone free of the socket” Oh, and Inchcock also needed three stitches in a shaving cut!

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

The Nocturnal Natter with Shirley

A mixture of awake, half-asleep, and dreamt discussions, wrote from notes and during the actual multiple chin-waggings…

Inchcock: I’m not sure why or how you came about… Shirley: Ha!, now you talk to me; I’m not as important as Bloody Boris bladder then, what’s that about?
Inchcock: Whaddya mean about?
Shirley: Yo started this ‘ere Talking to yer ailments series of blogs off wiv him… not me, who is far more painful indeed… innit, no doubt?
Inchcock: Well… it depends which ailment is worst at the time… giving me the severest clot…
Shirley: Argh, shurrup! You’ll know now why I’ve been giving the jerks and aches then? Cause yer doesn’t rate me was mean enough… yer, I’ll put yer in more pain than gout!
Inchcock: I wouldn’t and don’t doubt your pain-giving qualities at all; I’m already in pain, tired and worn-out!
Shirley: I suppose Bartholomew give it more to you?
Inchcock: Well, he has been lasered and still works,
Shirley: Cum on mush, look how yers treated me, bad or not!
Inchcock: I massage you twice a day with Phorpain gel
Shirley: Not like you, an old fart that still drinks bottled stout! Yer just an ungrateful old trout!
Inchcock: I…
Shirley: And another thing, I’ve never let the shoulder joint fall out!
Inchcock: Well, I doubt…
Shirley: I’ll tell yer to wot you done to me int past, Inured me you have, I remember the Colwick security stakeout!
Inchcock: Go one then, tell me all about it… it won’t make me freak out!
Shirley: Now yer makin’ me want to puke and pout!
Inchcock: Pout? Why? What about?
Shirley: Oh! Yer not bovvered about me puking then, yer an emotional wash-out!
Inchcock: I remember now, Shirley, Colwick, when we did an overnight lookout…
Shirley: Ah, year, that’s wot it was about!
Inchcock: When I was using the night goggles, from the back of the van… and from it, I fell out, giving you a good clout?
Shirley, you landed in a field, and blood did spout…
Inchcock: Blood? Who’s? No, surely not?
Shirley: It was me, and you bleeding.. have you no memory left or what?
Inchcock: Erm…
Shirley: The burglars arrived? You felt around in the dark for the R.T., went out of the van to take a nighttime photo, missed the step.., and fell on me! What an idiot!
Inchcock: Ah, yes… I fell on a broken tin pot…
Shirley: And it cut me! And you still never got the I.D. shot!

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Notes made for later use…

In the afternoon, Inchcock: Fell asleep…

Shirley: Oi, you Inchie! Are you ready to have anuvver talk wiv me?
Inchcock: Well, I’d like for me…
Shirley: Don’t tell me, you’re back on the Drambuie?
Inchcock: No, no, no, I don’t drink anymore…
Shirley: Sounds like an oxymoron, yer fibbing, you see…
Inchcock: No, I’m not, you’ve been hanging around for over seventy-odd years, must have noticed, so you must indeed acquiesce, concede, and agree?
Shirley: Oh, trying to get clever with words, I see?
Inchcock: Why are you so nasty and sarkie?
Shirley: Me? I’ll tell yer why, dumbo! In left Shoulder Lilly, never, always me, that’s what causes my incongruity! Why is it always me the doctors stick the hypos in?
Inchcock: Now look, we’ve grown old together, Shirley…
Shirley: Yea!
Inchcock: We’ve been through some tough times, we all suffer, Duodenal Donald, Anne Gyna, Reflux Roger, Deaf Darren, Hemorrhoidal Harold, Saccades Sandra all of them, oh, and Toothache Tiffany…
Shirley: Enough of this claptrap mush! But I do wish you well with this little ditty!
Inchcock: She suddenly returned into the ether; what a pity!

Time To Get An Iceland Order Done, methinks

A bit bare, innit?

Inchcock’s Ode: Talking with my ailments

Inchcock’s Ode: Talking with my ailments

Number One – The Bladder

I begin with Little Inchies Bladder; I think I used all my luck up for the rest of my life around 1989. I got a hernia from lifting the bins at Hero Drinks at Kegworth, went in to have the Hernia Repaired, which they did immediately, putting me in the Men’s Surgery in Ward 19.

When I woke up, and they told me how lucky I had been! And they were right! When they went in with the laser and camera (Yes, I know… how the heck did get all that down Little Inchy you were going to ask, weren’t you? Well, I don’t know, I was blissfully asleep all the way through the operations!) The Consultant carried on; they found cancer in the bladder, which showed up on the mini laser camera, and being as they had all the same tools needed for the hernia, they burnt it out straight away! But my bladder capacity is reduced by 50%. Fair enough, I thought, thank you!

That brought a smile to my face! But the man wouldn’t let me kiss him. Hahaha!

He added that they would remove the catheter and bag from Little Inchy for me in a short while.

An Auxhilary nurse on her own arrived to do it. The poor gal was a bag of nerves and started to pull it out without bleeding it enough first. I asked her to stop and bleed it a bit more… the gal was shaking, bless her.

Above my ward was Prince Charles come in to have his tennis elbow looked at. The staff earlier were disgusted; the hospital had emptied the ward above me. I could hear them moaning about patients being put into a corridor!!! And set two nurses and a Sister on duty, 24/7 for the duration of the Prince’s visit.

Back to the beside:

A sudden, unbelievably loud screech/scream burst out from a nurse. I think, “Look, look, it’s Princess Di coming in!” At this, everyone who could move did so over to the window to look down at Di and her (they told me later) the armed protection officers, as they got her in through a fire door to avoid the press waiting, with cameras at the main front door!

Most unfortunately for me, the young nurse was amongst the Royalists who stampeded to get a view of Lady Di – and pulled the catheter out, catching it with her foot, I assume, as she rushed for her Royal treat!

So, I was with blood spraying up like a fountain, and covering me the bed, clothes and floor… Which the nurse spotted a minute or two later, and she came to me in a panic and crying at what she’d done! Sobbing her heart out, she was! Other staff arrived, the poor young lass couldn’t stop crying, and eventually, things got sorted.

A ranking nurse joined us and started to tear a strip off of the Axhilary nurse; I don’t know why, (Well, I do, I felt terrible for her), but I said; “No, it wasn’t her fault, I turned to see what the fuss was and pulled it out…” I’m sorry I said that now, cause for the next two days, my name was mud with nurses!

The first wee I took with the catheter out, shot forth as if from a fireman’s hose, bounced back from the walls – and I kid you not, left an imprint of my body on the back wall, with blood around it!

I’ve wandered off the plot here, haven’t I?

Sorry, back to the chinwag with the bladder fun…

Inchcock Gerry: Why do you have days when you don’t want to wee-wee, then go bad at it, mate?

Bladder Inchock: Why? It’s obvious, innit? Anyway, I don’t want to confabulate!

Inchcock Gerry: But for two days, you’ve flowed freely, been considerate?

Bladder Inchock: Humph!

Inchcock Gerry: What’s up? I’ve been taking in the extra fluid. Now it must be gallons you hydrate?

Bladder Inchock: That bloody surgeon lasered me; no wonder I can’t concentrate and urinate!

Inchcock Gerry: You should be glad, freed of death! A bit of pain, indeed you can tolerate?

Bladder Inchock: Listen clever-clogs, weeing for me, is variable, strangulate, freeflow, then it may stagnate!

Inchcock Gerry: What? I make sure water does circulate…

Bladder Inchock: I have pain too, do you appreciate?

Inchcock Gerry: Well, I can only speculate!

Bladder Inchock: I send you messages beforehand, admittedly just a few seconds at times, but you also had cancer on my prostate!

Inchcock Gerry: Oh, that’s my fault too, is it? I did ruminate.

Bladder Inchock: I hate talking to a thicko like you – why didn’t you become a graduate?

Inchcock Gerry: Well, I was uneducated and got a job cleaning the sluicegate…

Bladder Inchock: Sod off! You were chasing girls on yer one rollerskate!

Inchcock Gerry: Times were bad back then…

Bladder Inchock: Other people Inchy, have a toilet inside, not going out into the backyard, and having to wait…

Inchcock Gerry: Trust you to be irritable as you postulate…

Bladder Inchock: Ha! So now you accuse me of having irritable bowel syndrome as you orate?

Inchcock Gerry: I’ve no idea what I’m doing talking to a bladder?

Bladder Inchock: You’d better shut up then cause you’re making me madder!

Inchcock – Sun 31 May 2020: Sometimes, I feel happy, merry and gay… but not today!

May31

2020 ttttMay31

Sunday 31st May 2020

Icelandic: Sunnudaginn 31 Maí 2020

00 May 31 mix

0GM 050.00:00hrs: I’d just got the Saturday blog done and posted off when midnight arrived.

WD 33.21.12 Sleep has been unavailable, none-existent all night. But now, after setting up this template, I will try again, I need some rest. Why I could not get off earlier is a mystery. Maybe the sudden hot weather, or the day I had yesterday? Everything that happened reminded me of my bad fortunes and luck. I was grumpy with myself and got annoyed and irritable most of the time. Carping in the brain, moaning, cantankerously belly-aching, whining on, and wingeing and ended up boring myself!

Well, at least I got things shut down, and settled my corpulent, boing-boinging bellied body into the second-hand, £300, c1968, puckeringly-beige-coloured recliner, without any injuries.

I’d half-hoped to get off to kip sharpishly, but no. I turned the TV on, that often helps me fall asleep. Especially if some programme comes on, that I want to watch. But insomnia prevailed. I just lay there trying to stop the thought-storming, for ages, hours!

05:15hrs: I bestirred, the main expergefactor being the need for a wee-wee. Out of the recliner, and to the GPEB (Grey-Plastic-Emergency-Bucket) SWOT (Sprinkly-Weak-Orange-Tinged), mode. Took the container with me to be cleaned and sanitised. An out-of-the-blue need for the Porcelain Throne was tended to, and a flipping good job I was in the wetroom at the time. Else I never would have made it in time to the Throne! Phew! 

Not messy, or gooey, but keenly-painful (they all are nowadays!)

7Sun01a Disappointingly, as I opened the kitchen window, I realised by the wonderful petrichor, I’d missed the rain. The ground outside was not soaking wet, so it must have been a short shower of sorts. But it left a beautiful whiff in the air! A bit colder this morning too.

7Sun02WD 33.21.12 Made a brew, medications taken, and after another quick wee-wee, the sphygmomanometerisationing commenced. Sys was back up a smidge, and the thermometer read 32.9°c (91.2°f) which is, I think, healthier than it’s been for a while. That is if I remembered the way to convert from Celsius to Fahrenheit. Ended up using Google) My arithmophobia doesn’t help. Nor the discovered too late to counter it, dyscalculia. Sad, innit? But, I had to laugh when they told me about it, it brought to mind Dracula! Hehehe!

Reco 0.30.0 For some unknown reason, typing this, reminded of the Dr in the cardiac unit, in the City Hospital. I know I had been given some pre-transplant drugs, but it seems soundly entrenched in my memory – I hope it’s true and not a dream I’d had. A Mr someone or other was going to observe the procedure.

Reco 0.30.0 The surgeon came to the bed and told me about this Consultant who was on his way to see me. “We are holding back your other pre-op meds, in case he wishes to speak with you!” “I’ll be back with him later, Mr Chaplin”. I mentioned my name was Chambers. Minutes later, Dr Khandowa introduce me to the Consultant as Mr Chamberlain! I recall thinking: “Gawd-blimey, and he’ll be replacing my ticker in an hour!” Hahaha! He did a good job though.

Reco 0.30.0 The assistant who put the metal strips through the ribcage to reseal it afterwards, whoever he was, had put them in, as the nurses said when they came to take them out days later ‘Tighter than we have ever seen them done before! I had never had pain like it before, even when I got shot. The nurse was sat on my legs heaving and puffing to pull the metal strips out. One nurse kept spraying liquid Morphine in my mouth throughout the job. Through it all, I have a distinct, pleasurable occasion though… But of course, once the metal tubing was removed, the nurse had to get off of me and the bed! Shame!

I waffled there again, I beg your pardon.

Then, after one more wee-wee, of a different calibre this one. A SWAT, (Sprinkly-Weak-Apricot-Tinged) configuration. I then made a brew of Thompsons Punjabi, and went on CorelDraw and Paint to make up some urgently–needed graphics for later use.

VirFail01WD 33.21.12 But plans were again cocked-up. No doubt prompted by the mysterious wonders of Woodthorpe Court: The ghosts, hobgoblins, boll-weevils, aliens, gremlins, karakia-cursing entities, hallucinations. Materialisations, poltergeist, lemures, wairuas, kehuas, manifestations that permeate, pass through the pores and interstices of space, through the time-continuum. Usually, without rupture or displacement within the building. To cause havoc, fear and frustration, as they dislodge time itself, in their aspirations and skulduggery, to complete their given by Satan, ‘Let’s Piss-off Inchcock’ mission?

At least this time, it only lasted for a few minutes, then came back on of its own accord.

Started again on the graphicalisationing. Three hours later, I was feeling real-weary, and not got o very well with the graphic making. For one, not from the ailments, just from the tired worn-outness. I must get some sleep in, this lack of sleeping is getting farcical. Just to point out one problem its causing; as I wrote ‘farcical’, I thought of a more suitable word, then cleared farcical from the blog, and forgot what the word was I was going to replace it with! So, I put ‘Farcical back in. I down know whether to laugh or cry! Yes, I do! Hahaha! 

I rang Sister Hane to ask about Pete, and blow me he was back at home again! He’s to go back in for the biopsy tomorrow. The chap in the ward with him is having chemo and told Pete of the problems with it. I lost the signal while talking. I rang back on the landline, but it doesn’t-half cost to call mobiles on it. Despite all the Up-in-the-Airness of things with the hospital, Pete sounded okay and accepting of things until he gets the job done, and analysis later. His spirits seem reasonably high. Good for him. I’ll have a look at the City Hospital with the binoculars tomorrow, see if I can see him. Hehe! Jane and Pete told me I could go out from tomorrow. But I won’t go without a mask. I’ll check the Government statement later.

A few minutes late, the door chimes rang out the ♫ I only want to be with you! ♫ tune. It was Josie, to let me know she was going out with her Nephew, to celebrate his birthday. I wished her all the bestest, but I felt a little concerned she was going out, so soon.

WD 33.21.12 The Nikon camera battery was flat, so I got the Canon to take a photo of the Puff-Puff clouds, and that was flat, in fact, it was dead! I cunningly got out the old Lumix, thinking it might have enough power left in its battery. I didn’t. So, I’ve now got all three on charging. And if I want to watch telly later, the computer will have to come off. I’m such a lucky-bugger. Hair-brained, too!

I got the nosh prepared. I hope I can stay awake long enough to enjoy it. With virtually no sleep for such a long time, I feel confident of dropping off. But, hopefully, not before I want to. Worra life, innit! Into the kitchen to take the meds and prepare the meal.

I remembered about looking at the latest can-do again things Jane mention. So I got the computer back on for a look:

Vulnerable people in England and Wales advised to stay home since the coronavirus lockdown began will be able to go outdoors again from Monday. This change means people will be able to go out with members of their household. Those living alone can meet with someone from another household while maintaining social distancing. Support for shielders, such as food and medicine deliveries, will continue.

Those shielding should not go out to work, to shop or visit friends in their homes. Around 2.5 million UK people were advised to stay at home as lockdown began because they were identified as being at particularly high risk of needing hospital treatment for coronavirus symptoms. Most were notified by their GP. The list of people who should be shielding includes, Clinically extremely vulnerable people may include the people listed below, though disease severity, history or treatment levels will also affect who is in this group.

  1. Solid organ transplant recipients. (Ah, I’m in here!)
  2. People with specific cancers:
    • people with cancer who are undergoing active chemotherapy. (Nope not me!)
    • people with lung cancer who are undergoing radical radiotherapy. (Nope not me!)
    • people with cancers of the blood or bone marrow such as leukaemia, lymphoma or myeloma who are at any stage of treatment. (Nope not me!)
    • people having immunotherapy or other continuing antibody treatments for cancer. (Nope not me!)
    • people having other targeted cancer treatments which can affect the immune system, such as protein kinase inhibitors or PARP inhibitors (Nope not me!)
    • people who have had bone marrow or stem cell transplants in the last 6 months, or who are still taking immunosuppression drugs (Nope not me!)
  3. People with severe respiratory conditions including all cystic fibrosis, severe asthma and severe chronic obstructive pulmonary (COPD). (Ah, I’m in here!)
  4. People with rare diseases that significantly increase the risk of infections (such as severe combined immunodeficiency (SCID), homozygous sickle cell). (Nope not me!)
  5. People on immunosuppression therapies sufficient to significantly increase the risk of infection. (No idea what this means!)
  6. Women who are pregnant with significant heart disease, congenital or acquired. (Nope not me!)

People in this group should have been contacted to tell them they are clinically extremely vulnerable.

Some scientists have expressed concerns about England’s easing of lockdown rules while infection rates remain at around 8,000 per day according to the Office for National Statistics. “Many of us would prefer to see the incidence down to lower levels before we relax measures,” said Professor John Edmunds, from the London School of Tropical Hygiene and Medicine and one of the government’s top advisors. “Covid-19 is still spreading too fast to lift lockdown in England,” tweeted Jeremy Farrar, director of the Wellcome Trust.

It’s all confusing to me!

7Sun03aBack to gerrin’ some nosh prepared and eaten. The five-beans in vinegarette were pretty tasteless and bland, despite my adding Hickory and Balsamic vinegar while heating them up. Most disappointing, because it said they were in vinegar, I felt certain they would be delicious and bought four cans! Huh! Three to get rid off.

As for the other stuff, they were all okay. The seedless grapes, this time from Egypt, were a lot less sweet than the Indian ones, but this was alright with me. The sourdough muffins were well Marmited and went well with everything else. I soon satiated my hunger, cleaned the pots, thought about having a shave, but felt so tired I rejected the idea. (Which will probably mean more bleeding when I have to shave so much stubble off in the morning, Tsk!)

I got down in the £300, second-hand, c1968 recliner, and events seemed to have been lost into the ether. I can remember nothing else, until waking in the morning? And, I got about 6½ hours kip in!

Must have been triederer than I thought. Hehehe!

I’m Determined to destroy Depression!

I’m Determined to destroy Depression!

2Tue08a

I decided, in a dream, I had yesternight,
Depression, I’ll resist, beat and outfight,
I must be strong, determined, not contrite,
I’ll be honest with myself, not like a Blairite,
My approach, will-power, must be definite!
I’ll have courage, like a brave medieval Knight,
And continue to show my vigour and fight,
Although my confidence may be finite,
This misery, I will surely try to expedite,
I must give this depression, no respite,
Ridding myself of this soul-destroying plight,
Who knows if I can, I just possibly might?
Then hopefully, I’ll get some sleep tonight,
And for supper, I can have some toasted Marmite!

Created during an aberrant spell of semi-confidence.

No Brexiteers were harmed during the production of this waffle!

Inchcockski: Searching for Sanity & Logicality – In bad Rhyme!

Gerald James Timothy Algernon Archibald Inchcock

The Nottinghamian lad knows he is losing it, big time.

Mentally and physically, getting help is hopeless,

 He gets uptight, but he’s completely harmless,

Depressed, untidy, ill and charmless,

He can’t commit suicide, he ain’t got the time,

Even his words don’t properly rhyme!

 

WDP 1Lda

Inchcock: Sadly searching for Sanity

Somewhere, in his tortured labyrinth of a brain,

Lies logic, intelligence, but he can’t find them today,

The brain is active but rarely reliable or decisive,

Also, hesitant, feeble, and the memory’s gone away,

 Some details it retains, and admires he does say,

Mostly about medications, Red Dwarf and Will Hay,

 But his desire, longing for sanity, will not go away!

 

WDP 1L

 However, his efforts, hopes and plans are derisive,

 The mentality-seeking strategies are not conducive,

At least not for 74 years… that’s including today,

He redoubled his spiritual side, and started to pray,

Again in hopes, he’d be semi-sane again, one day,

He talks to his EQ, that’s hyper-sensitive.

 

WDP 1Lcb

He wrote to an Agony Aunt, that was digressive,

 He revealed all, and thought that was impressive!

She said she couldn’t help, and she was sorry,

But why did she throw herself under a lorry?

Inchy thought that was a touch impulsive and excessive!

Regaining logicality, will he ever find a way?

Or remain an idiot, until his dying day?

Another thing, why do his wee-wees always over-spray?

 

This blog was produced without a warning disclaimer.

No claims made for any educationalistical prowess of the author.

Donations and mental assistance will be gladly accepted.

In the event of the writer snuffing it, kindly donate to the Outer Peruvian Pregnant Kangaroo Appreciation Society, Nottingham Branch. 0115 999999.

Thank You

WDPT02L

‘Bonkersness’ An everyday pleasure for old folk!’

2019 April 17

It’s a shock, when you wake up, not feeling unwell,
Take your medications, and rub in the Pain-Gel,
The heart monitor might well need a new Duracell,
You wonder around without clothes on, au naturel,
But you don’t realise, till someone does tell.

You and youngsters are on a different parallel,
You worry about your leaks, do they really smell?
Will someone be waiting for you, down in hell?
Sticks to your dentures do marzipan and caramel!

You’ve a shoebox flat to live in now and dwell.
But you call it an apartment, so your pride can swell!
Retentativeness goes away, you’ll forget how to spell,
Your short term memory will never again excel!
Steps, climbing, will make you fear any stairwell.

Doctors, dentist, you’ll be part of their clientele,
Podiatrists, Opticians, analyst, maybe the as well?
Audiologist too, you’ll not hear your phone or doorbell,
Psychoanalyst, avoid talking about your death-knell,
Well, they have a profit to protect, and service to sell.

We’ll lose our logicality, patience and sense of smell,
And when the time comes for to heaven to travel,
Here’s the really-surprising bombshell,
We can’t take clothes with us, even if they’re brocatelle,
No knick-knacks of gold, silver or tortoiseshell,
But I ain’t got none, anyway – so farewell!
I wonder if I’ll see Dad, Mam, or maybe a pterodactyl?

 

2019 Aug 01

Ageing can be a little Confusing – Inchcock’s Explanatory Ode

The pointlessness, confusion, mayhem, of morning thoughts, will no doubt affect the elderly. Even the alcoholic, chain-smoking, ones are at risk!

If perchance you can make any sense of these Inchcock Thursday morning ponderations wot he wrote this morning, then it is time for you to seek more help and support. Age Concern – PDSA or the snug in the Lions Arms?

Should you reach this stage, my personal advice would be to avoid thoughts of the National Health Service, Grenfell, the Government or Brexit!

4Thu01

1Mon01

Inchcock – Wed 28 Nov 2018: A day in which at times I believed I was going insane, bonkers, demented, cuckoo or off my rocker. With maniacal moments in between. Humph!

ZZZZa22

Wednesday 28th November 2018

Scots Gaelic: Diciadain 28 Samhain 2018

23:35hrs: WD145.6.145 I stirred into imitation life, with the head and mind so active, I swear the cerebrum must have been bubbling, throbbing with over-capacity and close to bursting point! Not that I could recognise any clear thoughts, fears or desires in there, for as fast as an idea or consideration arrived, others would follow immediately, it was like a conveyor belt full of emotions and inclinations. Intensity, fervour, with moments of such peace and beauty… but I’m damned if I could find any synecdoche or pellucid reasons, or even recognise any specific details from this noctuary.

I lay there on the £300 second-hand recliner and did nothing, just waited for the head to clear. Which it did within a few minutes. Instantly leaving my usual vacuum in place of the rabid, unidentifiable previous flood of thoughts. I wondered if I was going bonkers? I engaged my more natural “Never mind, carry-on Mode!”.

3Wed05aHauling my rotund body with the gone-to-seed floppy extended abdomen out of the recliner, with ease this time, I poddled off for an SSWW. (Short Sharp Wee-Wee).

WD145.6.145 I could see no more new bruising on the legs this morning. The body did look a little ghostly and anaemic. But this happens more and more lately. With no bleeding from Little Inchies Fungal Lesion recently. Also, with Haemorrhoid Harold losing nowhere near as much as he used to blood-wise, I was a tad confused at my pasty, pallidness. I think the bruises are losing their vividity now. Typical, just I go to see the Doctor, whatever it is I was suffering with either gets unaccountably better or improved inexplicably. Huh! Perhaps I’m slowly transmogrifying into a leopard or jaguar? I am a fool! If anything it would have been an elephant or rhinoceros! Hehehe!

Washed the dandies and got the Health Checks done.

3Wed001a

3Wed001Sys, Dia, Pulse and Temperature all down against yesterday’s first checks!

WD145.6.145 I found the evening dose pot still full from last night! Missed taking them. I wonder if that might be part of the reason for the pale skin?

Ah, well! I took just the Warfarin and Magnesium Phosphate. Off for another SSWW.

I went on an EIBWBBBs (Evil ironclad Boll-Weevil black biting beetles) reconnaissance patrol. Amazingly, I came across only two weevils, one in the kitchen, one in the spare room. Both alive, large and quick enough to avoid my well-aimed sprays of the Rentokil bug killer, Damn it! But it was encouraging to find so few. Of course, I expect this is all part of their devious master-plan counter attack ploy to fool me again! I still distributed the contents of the killer spray in all rooms, having the now daily customary coughing fit in the process.

Off for yet another SSWW, which turned into a Porcelain Throne session of frustratingly long duration. Still, I got a few pages of the Clarkson Unofficial biography read. To the kitchen to make a brew of tea and take a Dia-Limit tablet to soften things in a specific department.

WD145.6.145 Made the mug of Assam, and took a Dia-Limit capsule… I thought I did anyway. But it turned out that I’d swallowed an opposite intended pill. A flipping Diahorrea one! Not sure what to do now… I decided to take a Dia-Limit to counter the other capsule, still uncertain if I’d done right or wrong of course. There can be no question about it now… I must be officially one of the biggest eizels on earth! What will my next cock-up be today, I wondered? Haha!

I got updating the Tuesday blog. Finished it (taking three SSWWs in between).

Off to make another mug of tea, English Breakfast this time.

3Wed04aWD145.6.145 Well, it didn’t take me long to find out what my next Accifauxpa would be! I don’t know how or why I did it, but, making the brew, I poured the boiling water over my thumb! Tsk!

I ran cold water on it and went to the wet room where I keep the Savlon cream and dabbed some on the affected areas of the thumb. Now I’m thinking of applying for the title of Official UK Accifauxpa Champion of 2018! Hahaha!

I had a bash on the WordPress reader and then got on with starting this blog going.

TFZer Facebooking next.

An SSWW, and got the ablutions sorted. No shower today, too early, the noise you know. But I have to get things done now in case they are late arriving… mind you, they have never been on time yet. I need to get the things ready for the medics visiting.

0815hrs: The Willmott-Dixon Oberstgruppenführer arrived to check I was in, and kindly arranged for the painter chap to call to finish the balcony for me. Fifteen minutes later the bloke came, and it seemed five-minutes afterwards had finished the job. It was likely fifteen, though. Thanked him and off he poddled.

Took two photographs from the balcony. I got a bit wet when opening the glass windows.

3Wed12b

WD145.6.145 Had a bit of a clean around in the kitchen. I opened the packet of Dettol antiseptic-impregnated cloths, and boy did I get a surprise and further shock at the EIBWBBBs determination and courage…

3Wed06a

Just how did they get inside this sealed pack? I’m beginning to get some admiration of these little beasts hardihood, tenacity and courage!

3Wed07Computer off I got the right spectacles on, hearing-aids in, a jar for the recycling bin, two black bags for the waste chute, nibble bag and had a last SSWW. Set off out into the drizzly cold morning.

I had a talk with the Ladybird bug on the concrete post outside the foyer, as I dropped off the lat and bag of recyclable waste. Hehe!

3Wed08I took this photograph of Winchester Court, with the Willmott-Dixon lads looking busy on the hoists.

Damp and murky weather today, proper Novemberish.

I popped in the Nottingham City Homes, Winwood Flats, Sturmbannführeress Wardens Temporary HQ, Toilet, Sarcasm & Insult distribution area, Rumourmongering Clinic. Tenants Socialisation Shed. Telling Inchcock off zone. Things like china and pottery to be stolen from, and residents room. Dropped off some nibbles, had a chinwag with Angela and Roy, then out to the bus stop. More nattering and laughter enjoyed before the bus arrived, and was filled with about fifteen of the Winwood Heights residents. They all dropped off in Sherwood, I stayed on to go to get some bread and visit the Mallards in Arnold.

3Wed09I dropped off of the bus and into the Sainsbury store for a plod around and get some Sourdough bread.

I got carried away, like a child in a chocolate factory as I plodded around checking out this and that aisle.

WD145.6.145 However, when I got to the bakery section, I was disappointed in the Sourdough bread. A wide selection, yes, but my not having an electric saw, and the hardness of the loaves prevented me buying any. I got some soft cheesy topped cobs, though.

I came out with the cobs, mint sauce, a bottle of smokey BBQ sauce, a turnip, Ciabatta bread for Jenny and sunglow tomatoes. Also two items, that I should not have bought at all, and I felt guilty afterwards. Limoncello desserts and Anya potatoes. Shame on me!

3Wed10 I paid the man on the till, and as I went to walk out of the store.

WD145.6.145 I got a visit from Shaking Shaun. This was not good and prevented me from walking to the park to feed the mallards. I decided to rest for a while under the cover to avoid getting wet as well until Shaun and the rain stopped.

3Wed11I arrived at the bus stop later, and stood in the corner of the shelter, in case Shaking Shaun returned.

I felt a little confused as well. This does not usually happen when I am afflicted with the dizzies.

I had a long wait for the bus and began to feel a bit better.

3Wed12Caught the bus just in time before the rain poured down.

Dropped off in Sherwood and caught another bus down into Carrington and the Sherrington Park Medical Practice. Had another visit from Shaking Shaun as I went in. But this was only a short one, and not so bad at all.

I was seen straight away. I had the leg bruises inspected. Various tests were done in the nurse’s room, by a nurse I had never seen before. They seemed happy with the results, but of course, the INR Warfarin level result will not be back for a day or two. I was asked a lot of questions and told I would get an appointment to go to the Queens Medical Anticoagulation and Deep Vein Thrombosis Clinic. New pro-tem dosages for the Warfarin. I must remember to go back tomorrow.

3Wed12aWD145.6.145 I got back to the flats, still feeling a little out-of-sorts, and snapped this shot of Willmott Dixon’s Ian Incharge supervising the loading or unloading of a wagon on the road where the bus has to go round. 

The site at Winwood Heights is a nightmare logistically, but I reckon that they have coped well under the circumstances.

I got into the flats, drained. Got the Health Checks done

WD145.6.145 As I stood looking out through the window, I thought I’d take a picture of the glass in the balcony, to show you the gaps between the four panes of glass. Cunningly designed to let in the Weevils, wasps, ladybugs, leaves, rain, snow, sleet and hail. Hehehe! Don’t know why I’m laughing, all that glass to be cleaned!

3Wed12aa

The view is beautiful, though. Makes it all look quaint and picturesque, do you think? I purposely missed off the tree path where Frank was mugged. At least the rain had stopped now.

3Wed12bI pottered about and got the nosh ready. No bother or hassle with this plate preperationing.

The turnip I cooked in the slow cooker with the potatoes with just sea salt, tasted right gorgeous, in fact, everything was okay, apart from not being enough to feed a fly. Hehehe!

I added another cheesy topped ham filled cob to it later. Naughty!

3Wed14Went for an SSWW, and took a look at the mystery leg bruises enigma. Clearing up well now, but how and why they appeared is not clear to me.

Got the Health Checks done and washed the pots up, had another SSWW and flaked out in the £300 second-hand recliner to watch the end of a DVD I’ve been trying to stay awake to view for some days now. Haha!

I failed again. Zzzz…

3Wed06

Inchcock Today – Thursday 8th February 2018

Thursday 8th February 2018

Serbian: Четвртак, 8. фебруар 2018

0215hrs: Woke with a bit of a headache from last nights Whoopsiedangleplop getting into the night attire and clouting the back of my head against the wall as I fell in a heap, and humiliating position with one leg in and one leg out of the jammie bottoms. Hehe!

There’s no doubt about it; I never expected old age to bring me such excitement, or confusion. Or pain. Nor more ailments than I have wrinkles on my arthritic hands and knees. Memory blanks either! But I fret not about these things, for my insanity and bêtise help to mask the truth and facts from me. Heck, did I say that? Good innit? Haha!

I struggled out of the £300 second-hand recliner without much bother at all and made my way to the Porcelain Throne. There were no stubbing of toes or any other incidents en route. However, the session was much messier than of recent visits. I put this down to the amazingly tasty meal I enjoyed last night being perhaps a tad too spicy. A clean-up and off into the kitchen.

I initially opened the window to take this photographicalisation of the foreboding murky sky. But close it again post-haste, as the icy wind blew in. Brrr! Made it through the glass.

Got the kettle on and did the Health Checks, then took the medications.

The readings looked to be perfick to me?

I got the nibble box sorted for the Winwood Social Hour Meeting later.

Computer started and got carried away reading the local newspaper site’s news. Nottingham Castle can now be seen from the Court Building now they have begun to demolish the Broad Marsh car park.

Closed Coffee cafe, shoe shop and restaurant. Two youths stabbed at Burger King on Milton Street. Courts: A rapist jailed. An aggressive street beggar who spent £150 a day on drugs banned from the City Centre. Tram drags kids pram trapped in the doors for one stop. I lost heart in reading any more.

Set about finishing off the Wednesday diary. A big one it was, so much happened yesterday. Then started on creating this one, got up to here, and went on WordPress reader.

0650hrs: Went on Facebooking. Got the raffle prizes sorted and in the bag.

I had a look at YouTube crash videos for a bit. Then tended to the ablutions, got the bag and set off to the Obergruppnefhuress Wardens Hut for the Social Hour. Dropping the waste bags thrown the chute en route, to boot!

Had a natter and a laugh with Gladys who I met on the way out. She was going to catch the bus into town.

Into the hut and asked Jenny if she would be kind enough to ring foot lady Sue for me. Who was not very pleased or happy with me. (Sue) Because as I feared, when the computer went down, and I transferred the calendar details afterwards, I did not look far enough on to see her appointment, thus it did not get put on the new diary. She could not gain entry to the flats because this idiot had gone out! Jenny arranged for her to call on next Friday, the 16th at 0930hrs. Hope I can still get the shoes, socks and slippers on by then. Hehe!

Not many people in attendance today. About 14 I reckon. But those there seemed to enjoy themselves.

I got a phone call on the mobile while chatting to BJ. I could not make out what the woman was saying, but the phone indicated it was from the doctors. Luckily Warden Deana was nearby, and I asked her to take the details. It was the INR Warfarin results. I really must take care not to cut myself – the level was 4.7! Dosages for the week were given and written down for me. 2 tablets each day, apart from today, Saturday and Monday when it is 1½. Next appointment was given, for 1020hrs on Wednesday 14th Feb. I’m so glad this receptionist did me, she is the only one who gives an appointment day and time.

The familiar warm wet feeling from the lower regions was felt and recognised. So I left early to tend to the cleaning up and medicationalisationing.

Having the PPs on, made me brave enough, to stop on the way to the apartment and take a picture of both blocks of flat and the building of the new centre one.

The workmen were hard at it on the Winchester block, starting to prepare the balconies for removal and the new ones to be installed soon.

The Winchester flats show one of the hoist cradles right at the top. It looked like some of the new cladding had been started. I assumed the yellow-gold areas were indicative of this?

I got up and into the flat without seeing any other residents. Got in and to the wet room and cleaned things up and changed PPs.

Made a brew, and got on with adding the two appointments to the written diary and online calendar.

Got the oven on to warm it up for the chips later and put the peas in the saucepan ready.

Started to update this blog. Got to here and;

It had to come. For so long now, I’ve been free of the severe ailments. Dizzy Dennis and Anne Gyna both came on at the same time. Also, the fatigue arrived so much earlier in the day than usual.

I decided to do the Health Checks and take the medication at noon and evening now.

Got the nosh prepared.

It looked good, but I ate very little of it. Just fell tired and a little out-of-sorts.

Drained and suffering a bit with Anne Gyna for some reason, and sore bottom.

I got down in the £300 second-hand recliner and did nowt much at all. I could not sleep, but getting up seemed beyond me. So I accepted things and put the TV on, that usually gets me to nod-off. It took a lot longer than usual, many mini-nod-offs later, one of them worked.

TTFN each.