Inchcockski: Searching for Sanity & Logicality – In bad Rhyme!

Gerald James Timothy Algernon Archibald Inchcock

The Nottinghamian lad knows he is losing it, big time.

Mentally and physically, getting help is hopeless,

 He gets uptight, but he’s completely harmless,

Depressed, untidy, ill and charmless,

He can’t commit suicide, he ain’t got the time,

Even his words don’t properly rhyme!


WDP 1Lda

Inchcock: Sadly searching for Sanity

Somewhere, in his tortured labyrinth of a brain,

Lies logic, intelligence, but he can’t find them today,

The brain is active but rarely reliable or decisive,

Also, hesitant, feeble, and the memory’s gone away,

 Some details it retains, and admires he does say,

Mostly about medications, Red Dwarf and Will Hay,

 But his desire, longing for sanity, will not go away!



 However, his efforts, hopes and plans are derisive,

 The mentality-seeking strategies are not conducive,

At least not for 74 years… that’s including today,

He redoubled his spiritual side, and started to pray,

Again in hopes, he’d be semi-sane again, one day,

He talks to his EQ, that’s hyper-sensitive.


WDP 1Lcb

He wrote to an Agony Aunt, that was digressive,

 He revealed all, and thought that was impressive!

She said she couldn’t help, and she was sorry,

But why did she throw herself under a lorry?

Inchy thought that was a touch impulsive and excessive!

Regaining logicality, will he ever find a way?

Or remain an idiot, until his dying day?

Another thing, why do his wee-wees always over-spray?


This blog was produced without a warning disclaimer.

No claims made for any educationalistical prowess of the author.

Donations and mental assistance will be gladly accepted.

In the event of the writer snuffing it, kindly donate to the Outer Peruvian Pregnant Kangaroo Appreciation Society, Nottingham Branch. 0115 999999.

Thank You


‘Bonkersness’ An everyday pleasure for old folk!’

2019 April 17

It’s a shock, when you wake up, not feeling unwell,
Take your medications, and rub in the Pain-Gel,
The heart monitor might well need a new Duracell,
You wonder around without clothes on, au naturel,
But you don’t realise, till someone does tell.

You and youngsters are on a different parallel,
You worry about your leaks, do they really smell?
Will someone be waiting for you, down in hell?
Sticks to your dentures do marzipan and caramel!

You’ve a shoebox flat to live in now and dwell.
But you call it an apartment, so your pride can swell!
Retentativeness goes away, you’ll forget how to spell,
Your short term memory will never again excel!
Steps, climbing, will make you fear any stairwell.

Doctors, dentist, you’ll be part of their clientele,
Podiatrists, Opticians, analyst, maybe the as well?
Audiologist too, you’ll not hear your phone or doorbell,
Psychoanalyst, avoid talking about your death-knell,
Well, they have a profit to protect, and service to sell.

We’ll lose our logicality, patience and sense of smell,
And when the time comes for to heaven to travel,
Here’s the really-surprising bombshell,
We can’t take clothes with us, even if they’re brocatelle,
No knick-knacks of gold, silver or tortoiseshell,
But I ain’t got none, anyway – so farewell!
I wonder if I’ll see Dad, Mam, or maybe a pterodactyl?


2019 Aug 01

Ageing can be a little Confusing – Inchcock’s Explanatory Ode

The pointlessness, confusion, mayhem, of morning thoughts, will no doubt affect the elderly. Even the alcoholic, chain-smoking, ones are at risk!

If perchance you can make any sense of these Inchcock Thursday morning ponderations wot he wrote this morning, then it is time for you to seek more help and support. Age Concern – PDSA or the snug in the Lions Arms?

Should you reach this stage, my personal advice would be to avoid thoughts of the National Health Service, Grenfell, the Government or Brexit!



Inchcock – Wed 28 Nov 2018: A day in which at times I believed I was going insane, bonkers, demented, cuckoo or off my rocker. With maniacal moments in between. Humph!


Wednesday 28th November 2018

Scots Gaelic: Diciadain 28 Samhain 2018

23:35hrs: WD145.6.145 I stirred into imitation life, with the head and mind so active, I swear the cerebrum must have been bubbling, throbbing with over-capacity and close to bursting point! Not that I could recognise any clear thoughts, fears or desires in there, for as fast as an idea or consideration arrived, others would follow immediately, it was like a conveyor belt full of emotions and inclinations. Intensity, fervour, with moments of such peace and beauty… but I’m damned if I could find any synecdoche or pellucid reasons, or even recognise any specific details from this noctuary.

I lay there on the £300 second-hand recliner and did nothing, just waited for the head to clear. Which it did within a few minutes. Instantly leaving my usual vacuum in place of the rabid, unidentifiable previous flood of thoughts. I wondered if I was going bonkers? I engaged my more natural “Never mind, carry-on Mode!”.

3Wed05aHauling my rotund body with the gone-to-seed floppy extended abdomen out of the recliner, with ease this time, I poddled off for an SSWW. (Short Sharp Wee-Wee).

WD145.6.145 I could see no more new bruising on the legs this morning. The body did look a little ghostly and anaemic. But this happens more and more lately. With no bleeding from Little Inchies Fungal Lesion recently. Also, with Haemorrhoid Harold losing nowhere near as much as he used to blood-wise, I was a tad confused at my pasty, pallidness. I think the bruises are losing their vividity now. Typical, just I go to see the Doctor, whatever it is I was suffering with either gets unaccountably better or improved inexplicably. Huh! Perhaps I’m slowly transmogrifying into a leopard or jaguar? I am a fool! If anything it would have been an elephant or rhinoceros! Hehehe!

Washed the dandies and got the Health Checks done.


3Wed001Sys, Dia, Pulse and Temperature all down against yesterday’s first checks!

WD145.6.145 I found the evening dose pot still full from last night! Missed taking them. I wonder if that might be part of the reason for the pale skin?

Ah, well! I took just the Warfarin and Magnesium Phosphate. Off for another SSWW.

I went on an EIBWBBBs (Evil ironclad Boll-Weevil black biting beetles) reconnaissance patrol. Amazingly, I came across only two weevils, one in the kitchen, one in the spare room. Both alive, large and quick enough to avoid my well-aimed sprays of the Rentokil bug killer, Damn it! But it was encouraging to find so few. Of course, I expect this is all part of their devious master-plan counter attack ploy to fool me again! I still distributed the contents of the killer spray in all rooms, having the now daily customary coughing fit in the process.

Off for yet another SSWW, which turned into a Porcelain Throne session of frustratingly long duration. Still, I got a few pages of the Clarkson Unofficial biography read. To the kitchen to make a brew of tea and take a Dia-Limit tablet to soften things in a specific department.

WD145.6.145 Made the mug of Assam, and took a Dia-Limit capsule… I thought I did anyway. But it turned out that I’d swallowed an opposite intended pill. A flipping Diahorrea one! Not sure what to do now… I decided to take a Dia-Limit to counter the other capsule, still uncertain if I’d done right or wrong of course. There can be no question about it now… I must be officially one of the biggest eizels on earth! What will my next cock-up be today, I wondered? Haha!

I got updating the Tuesday blog. Finished it (taking three SSWWs in between).

Off to make another mug of tea, English Breakfast this time.

3Wed04aWD145.6.145 Well, it didn’t take me long to find out what my next Accifauxpa would be! I don’t know how or why I did it, but, making the brew, I poured the boiling water over my thumb! Tsk!

I ran cold water on it and went to the wet room where I keep the Savlon cream and dabbed some on the affected areas of the thumb. Now I’m thinking of applying for the title of Official UK Accifauxpa Champion of 2018! Hahaha!

I had a bash on the WordPress reader and then got on with starting this blog going.

TFZer Facebooking next.

An SSWW, and got the ablutions sorted. No shower today, too early, the noise you know. But I have to get things done now in case they are late arriving… mind you, they have never been on time yet. I need to get the things ready for the medics visiting.

0815hrs: The Willmott-Dixon Oberstgruppenführer arrived to check I was in, and kindly arranged for the painter chap to call to finish the balcony for me. Fifteen minutes later the bloke came, and it seemed five-minutes afterwards had finished the job. It was likely fifteen, though. Thanked him and off he poddled.

Took two photographs from the balcony. I got a bit wet when opening the glass windows.


WD145.6.145 Had a bit of a clean around in the kitchen. I opened the packet of Dettol antiseptic-impregnated cloths, and boy did I get a surprise and further shock at the EIBWBBBs determination and courage…


Just how did they get inside this sealed pack? I’m beginning to get some admiration of these little beasts hardihood, tenacity and courage!

3Wed07Computer off I got the right spectacles on, hearing-aids in, a jar for the recycling bin, two black bags for the waste chute, nibble bag and had a last SSWW. Set off out into the drizzly cold morning.

I had a talk with the Ladybird bug on the concrete post outside the foyer, as I dropped off the lat and bag of recyclable waste. Hehe!

3Wed08I took this photograph of Winchester Court, with the Willmott-Dixon lads looking busy on the hoists.

Damp and murky weather today, proper Novemberish.

I popped in the Nottingham City Homes, Winwood Flats, Sturmbannführeress Wardens Temporary HQ, Toilet, Sarcasm & Insult distribution area, Rumourmongering Clinic. Tenants Socialisation Shed. Telling Inchcock off zone. Things like china and pottery to be stolen from, and residents room. Dropped off some nibbles, had a chinwag with Angela and Roy, then out to the bus stop. More nattering and laughter enjoyed before the bus arrived, and was filled with about fifteen of the Winwood Heights residents. They all dropped off in Sherwood, I stayed on to go to get some bread and visit the Mallards in Arnold.

3Wed09I dropped off of the bus and into the Sainsbury store for a plod around and get some Sourdough bread.

I got carried away, like a child in a chocolate factory as I plodded around checking out this and that aisle.

WD145.6.145 However, when I got to the bakery section, I was disappointed in the Sourdough bread. A wide selection, yes, but my not having an electric saw, and the hardness of the loaves prevented me buying any. I got some soft cheesy topped cobs, though.

I came out with the cobs, mint sauce, a bottle of smokey BBQ sauce, a turnip, Ciabatta bread for Jenny and sunglow tomatoes. Also two items, that I should not have bought at all, and I felt guilty afterwards. Limoncello desserts and Anya potatoes. Shame on me!

3Wed10 I paid the man on the till, and as I went to walk out of the store.

WD145.6.145 I got a visit from Shaking Shaun. This was not good and prevented me from walking to the park to feed the mallards. I decided to rest for a while under the cover to avoid getting wet as well until Shaun and the rain stopped.

3Wed11I arrived at the bus stop later, and stood in the corner of the shelter, in case Shaking Shaun returned.

I felt a little confused as well. This does not usually happen when I am afflicted with the dizzies.

I had a long wait for the bus and began to feel a bit better.

3Wed12Caught the bus just in time before the rain poured down.

Dropped off in Sherwood and caught another bus down into Carrington and the Sherrington Park Medical Practice. Had another visit from Shaking Shaun as I went in. But this was only a short one, and not so bad at all.

I was seen straight away. I had the leg bruises inspected. Various tests were done in the nurse’s room, by a nurse I had never seen before. They seemed happy with the results, but of course, the INR Warfarin level result will not be back for a day or two. I was asked a lot of questions and told I would get an appointment to go to the Queens Medical Anticoagulation and Deep Vein Thrombosis Clinic. New pro-tem dosages for the Warfarin. I must remember to go back tomorrow.

3Wed12aWD145.6.145 I got back to the flats, still feeling a little out-of-sorts, and snapped this shot of Willmott Dixon’s Ian Incharge supervising the loading or unloading of a wagon on the road where the bus has to go round. 

The site at Winwood Heights is a nightmare logistically, but I reckon that they have coped well under the circumstances.

I got into the flats, drained. Got the Health Checks done

WD145.6.145 As I stood looking out through the window, I thought I’d take a picture of the glass in the balcony, to show you the gaps between the four panes of glass. Cunningly designed to let in the Weevils, wasps, ladybugs, leaves, rain, snow, sleet and hail. Hehehe! Don’t know why I’m laughing, all that glass to be cleaned!


The view is beautiful, though. Makes it all look quaint and picturesque, do you think? I purposely missed off the tree path where Frank was mugged. At least the rain had stopped now.

3Wed12bI pottered about and got the nosh ready. No bother or hassle with this plate preperationing.

The turnip I cooked in the slow cooker with the potatoes with just sea salt, tasted right gorgeous, in fact, everything was okay, apart from not being enough to feed a fly. Hehehe!

I added another cheesy topped ham filled cob to it later. Naughty!

3Wed14Went for an SSWW, and took a look at the mystery leg bruises enigma. Clearing up well now, but how and why they appeared is not clear to me.

Got the Health Checks done and washed the pots up, had another SSWW and flaked out in the £300 second-hand recliner to watch the end of a DVD I’ve been trying to stay awake to view for some days now. Haha!

I failed again. Zzzz…


Inchcock Today – Thursday 8th February 2018

Thursday 8th February 2018

Serbian: Четвртак, 8. фебруар 2018

0215hrs: Woke with a bit of a headache from last nights Whoopsiedangleplop getting into the night attire and clouting the back of my head against the wall as I fell in a heap, and humiliating position with one leg in and one leg out of the jammie bottoms. Hehe!

There’s no doubt about it; I never expected old age to bring me such excitement, or confusion. Or pain. Nor more ailments than I have wrinkles on my arthritic hands and knees. Memory blanks either! But I fret not about these things, for my insanity and bêtise help to mask the truth and facts from me. Heck, did I say that? Good innit? Haha!

I struggled out of the £300 second-hand recliner without much bother at all and made my way to the Porcelain Throne. There were no stubbing of toes or any other incidents en route. However, the session was much messier than of recent visits. I put this down to the amazingly tasty meal I enjoyed last night being perhaps a tad too spicy. A clean-up and off into the kitchen.

I initially opened the window to take this photographicalisation of the foreboding murky sky. But close it again post-haste, as the icy wind blew in. Brrr! Made it through the glass.

Got the kettle on and did the Health Checks, then took the medications.

The readings looked to be perfick to me?

I got the nibble box sorted for the Winwood Social Hour Meeting later.

Computer started and got carried away reading the local newspaper site’s news. Nottingham Castle can now be seen from the Court Building now they have begun to demolish the Broad Marsh car park.

Closed Coffee cafe, shoe shop and restaurant. Two youths stabbed at Burger King on Milton Street. Courts: A rapist jailed. An aggressive street beggar who spent £150 a day on drugs banned from the City Centre. Tram drags kids pram trapped in the doors for one stop. I lost heart in reading any more.

Set about finishing off the Wednesday diary. A big one it was, so much happened yesterday. Then started on creating this one, got up to here, and went on WordPress reader.

0650hrs: Went on Facebooking. Got the raffle prizes sorted and in the bag.

I had a look at YouTube crash videos for a bit. Then tended to the ablutions, got the bag and set off to the Obergruppnefhuress Wardens Hut for the Social Hour. Dropping the waste bags thrown the chute en route, to boot!

Had a natter and a laugh with Gladys who I met on the way out. She was going to catch the bus into town.

Into the hut and asked Jenny if she would be kind enough to ring foot lady Sue for me. Who was not very pleased or happy with me. (Sue) Because as I feared, when the computer went down, and I transferred the calendar details afterwards, I did not look far enough on to see her appointment, thus it did not get put on the new diary. She could not gain entry to the flats because this idiot had gone out! Jenny arranged for her to call on next Friday, the 16th at 0930hrs. Hope I can still get the shoes, socks and slippers on by then. Hehe!

Not many people in attendance today. About 14 I reckon. But those there seemed to enjoy themselves.

I got a phone call on the mobile while chatting to BJ. I could not make out what the woman was saying, but the phone indicated it was from the doctors. Luckily Warden Deana was nearby, and I asked her to take the details. It was the INR Warfarin results. I really must take care not to cut myself – the level was 4.7! Dosages for the week were given and written down for me. 2 tablets each day, apart from today, Saturday and Monday when it is 1½. Next appointment was given, for 1020hrs on Wednesday 14th Feb. I’m so glad this receptionist did me, she is the only one who gives an appointment day and time.

The familiar warm wet feeling from the lower regions was felt and recognised. So I left early to tend to the cleaning up and medicationalisationing.

Having the PPs on, made me brave enough, to stop on the way to the apartment and take a picture of both blocks of flat and the building of the new centre one.

The workmen were hard at it on the Winchester block, starting to prepare the balconies for removal and the new ones to be installed soon.

The Winchester flats show one of the hoist cradles right at the top. It looked like some of the new cladding had been started. I assumed the yellow-gold areas were indicative of this?

I got up and into the flat without seeing any other residents. Got in and to the wet room and cleaned things up and changed PPs.

Made a brew, and got on with adding the two appointments to the written diary and online calendar.

Got the oven on to warm it up for the chips later and put the peas in the saucepan ready.

Started to update this blog. Got to here and;

It had to come. For so long now, I’ve been free of the severe ailments. Dizzy Dennis and Anne Gyna both came on at the same time. Also, the fatigue arrived so much earlier in the day than usual.

I decided to do the Health Checks and take the medication at noon and evening now.

Got the nosh prepared.

It looked good, but I ate very little of it. Just fell tired and a little out-of-sorts.

Drained and suffering a bit with Anne Gyna for some reason, and sore bottom.

I got down in the £300 second-hand recliner and did nowt much at all. I could not sleep, but getting up seemed beyond me. So I accepted things and put the TV on, that usually gets me to nod-off. It took a lot longer than usual, many mini-nod-offs later, one of them worked.

TTFN each.

He Talks to himself, you know!

Insanity is his guiding light – Sad I know, but there you are!

I talk to and chastise myself,

How did I lose all of my wealth?

However, did I get like this, pale, achromaticity?

Memory has gone to pot, it’s such a pity,

I’ve lost my guile, drive and stealth.

_ _ _

My once slim body, now a flobby monstrosity,

Sometimes I find it hard to breathe,

At times I think it best if I pass-on with fugacity

I’d have liked to learn how to sew and weave,

I’ve always had too much sensuosity.

_ _ _

Life is getting filled with struggles and tortuosity,

I’ve never had sufficient tenacity or ferocity,

Now I’m losing my logic and synchronicity,

To be a good man, I have ever striven,

Passionate about nothing, never driven,

Alway tended towards showing sequacity.

_ _ _

Fell in love and lost her, a crying shame,

Heartbroken, but who should I blame,

Never again for me, the romance game,

Anyway, the ailment stopped that in its tracks,

Even tried fishing, but just caught sticklebacks,

Nothing left now to set me aflame!

_ _ _

That’s another thing, setting the cooker on fire,

Lifes desires are sinking into the Grimpen Mire,

Ah, Sherlock Holmes, his books were good,

I suppose I’ve become a Stuck-in-the-mud?

Ever since poor health and I did retire?

_ _ _

Even my thoughts confuse me, so much now,

Leaving me frustrated, baffled somehow,

Depression I used to disallow and disavow,

But not anymore, and that’s for sure,

No desire for wealth or pleasure to store,

But I still like my mug of tea and chow.

Now the blank spells have taken a grip,

Nae doubt for me it’ll soon be Toodle-pip,

Still, it’ll free me from the pains in the hip,

Arthur Itis, Anne Gyna, and the Enoxaparin,

I’ll no worry about me being fat and flabby, not thin,

Yes, I welcome the end, not to worry about losing my grip,

No fretting over the level of heparin!

_ _ _

Oh, hang on though, the A-Teams on telly tonight,

Now that’s put my mind in a plight,

I’d better take me tablets after all, whatever,

I love it when a plan comes together!

_ _ _

Hehehe! Cheers all!