Inchcock Local New Snippers – Issue 31⅜ths with Odeing

Local New Snippers – Issue 31⅜ths with Odeing

ODE to the Parole Board Killers!

Early on the week so fewer murders, you see?
Not that violence and killing, are my cup of tea…
Death can be unexpected… come abruptly…
Or a knife across the throat, from a druggie?

Or a murderer gets life… ten years and he is free…
To kill again… it’s the Parole Board that’s guilty!
In prisons, more prisoners become an escapee!
It’ll happen again, I can guarantee!
Each killer should become an amputee!
Penis, hand, foot or leg, doesn’t matter to me…

Parole Board are paid so exorbitantly…
Taking their pay, for acting fraudulently,
As killer after killer, they set free!
Most, to murder again… honestly!
They should be hung straight immediately…
As a freed killer takes another life away!

30 killers killed again after being freed I say…
Release from prison twixt 2000 to 2010, May,
Will there be justice for relatives one day?
As parole board members, kill negligently,
Innocent victims have to die this way?
I share my views somewhat ineloquently,
But I so hate Parole Boarder’s complacency!

That’s got that gripe out of the way for a bit… Onwards…

Mayhaps the officers good will they nouriture?
Will criminals expect this kindness, in the future?
And at the station, a glass of wine, a bowl of garbure?
Giving time to a mugger, to scratch his dojigger?
I can’t understand this… best you figure!

That’s three weeks on the trot that faults have been found in a care home? Mansfield Road too. It rings true to home about the medicines not being given on time or making sure they are taken. That’s if they come at all. I hope Meridian don’t get a sudden visit from the CQC… could be the end of the company. And there are so many characterful and a few empty, and brilliant Carers who call. Eventually, that is. There have only been three times they have missed.

More policemen hurt, yet again,
Violent crime is growing immane!
PCs ought to carry some enflurane…
Criminals using language, most profane…
No good talking to them nicely, that’s certain!
Most arrests seem to contain a blood stain?
Or bruise, getting battered about and pain…
These are for policemen, not for the villain!

Another young local scumball,

Scum-Bucket, I can see his home from my flat window,
Another local druggie, mug-whumph and crooked Amigo!

That’s a different weapon used for stabbing…
Policemen of Nottingham, and attacking
Spitting in their face and verbally ridiculing,
Is common, like many things, kicking, shooting…
No doubt police injuries are centuplicating,
Will they ever stop? I’m still waiting…

When I was born, I logged in at just over 3lb,
Weighed in the coal scales, the only thing around,
Mummy said, “I don’t want it, throw it in the Trent!”
Being told this later was a bit of a rent!
She did some things later that made me gay…
When I was four, she ran away!
And they say there’s no answer when you pray?

Good News at last?

Bad News continues! Haha!

The con-man drug-pusher, named Pauca Dzintars,
Escapes punishment, say for his mother he’s a carer,
So the law is kind to him, trying to be fairer…
His going free will undoubtedly make him cheerier,
He’ll go back to pushing, it makes him wealthier…
And thinking of the law, with a laugh and snigger!


Chasing violent crooks can be dangerous & risky,
Offenders may be drugged up or drunk on whisky,
When caught, if caught, they escape acrobatically,
Killers are freed early, to murder again automatically,
Officers are expected to act at all times ‘properly’!

Arrest people nicely, and do the job soberly…
Getting knifed, shot, or stabbed, comes naturally…
They must not say anything to prisoners inflammatory,
They’ll get support nor help, Parliamentarily,
It’s no wonder new recruits get a little fidgety!

I fang you!

Inchcock’s Local New Snippets – Issue 33⅓rd

Discuss the case? Pal of Putin?

So, you stab someone in the middle of the day,
Then walk cursing, but casually away…
You get arrested, to your complete dismay,
Charged with a bladed weapon, they say…
They may also charge you with causing an affray.
And you’re released on bail the same day?
What is all this futile legal foppery?

So, a fine will be nothing; she gets £76,500+ a year,
Expenses on top, bet she’s not feeling toeier!
Coming out of court, she looked full of cheer?
Perhaps she’s going to see the judge for a beer?

Oddlimost, no name of the arrested personage. I can’t see one for the victim, either. This is not going to be a straightforward case!

Robbing, hitting in the face, for chocolates, never?
Is he a Putin spy working undercover?
No permanent home, so a bit of a rover?
He doesn’t look thick, but clever?
Likely he’s a cunning conniver…
He should’ve gotten a job and become an achiever!
Instead of getting himself into all that bovver…
No job involving a hammer, knife or screwdriver!
Perhaps in jail, he’ll train to be a basket weaver?
Or find Christ, and become a believer?
Then he just might stop being a skiver?

The man may have been telling the truth at a whim,
But somehow, I feel a little sympathy for him…
His Mrs giving a verbal onslaught to Darren,
He felt depressed, feeling sick to the brim…
He escaped her nagging, if only for a minim…
And the police went a gorrim!

Drunk or not, he should not have been carrying a knife – that should have been five years for the scumball in a proper prison on its own! Four years in a young offenders’ institution? Pathetic! He’s capable of getting drunk and threatening a woman and child with a knife. A coward, although he no doubts believes he’s not.

Mr Woodall knew alleged killer Campbell through his stepsons Kieran and Joshua – with the three men meeting while they served jail terms at HMP Birmingham. All defendants lived in Nottingham. Mr Heywood added. Mr Woodall lived ‘like a hermit’ on the industrial estate, where he had been renting a unit for about 14 years. The three murder-accused men answered no comment during their police interviews, jurors have been told. McGhee gave officers a prepared statement in which he said: “I have no knowledge of the attack on Carl Woodall and played no part in any attack upon him. I’m not responsible for his death or assaulting him. I do not know who he is.”

Tongue-in-cheek response



Judge Gregory QC: “It will be a prison sentence, of course,”
Vitoldas Platakis, who showed not a sign of remorse…
Killed Valdamara Zemaitiene, not intending to, of course…
They were partners, so there could be no divorce…
He battered her many times, as a matter of course…
He suggested they were having intercourse?
Unintentionally killed her… my arse!.

I’d have liked to win a £260 Amazon gift card…
Thinking I might win one day, I was blinkered…
Freeing oneself from defeat can be awkward,
Success for me is like custard and mustard…
I used to think before my life was completed…
Just once, that failure be temporarily deleted,
If I was to have a win, I would be riveted!
Anyway, my hopes and prayers were not answered!
So now my wishes, not placated, I vacated…
The world of dreams lies ruined and splattered…
But not winning owt, I refuse to be angered,
I can now work on getting other hopes decluttered!


Released while an investigation takes place…
A man who carries a knife, the law, is in a malaise…
Freed, no danger… what if he stabs and slays?
A lot of stabbings in Nottingham; I’m amazed,
Attacking an eighty-year-old? It dismays…
I hope he gets a good fine and serves 5000 days!


TTFNski, each!

Inchcock Today: Intruder Yobboes In The Flat! Sunday 17th April 2022


The door chime rang out, but not for the usual length of time? I thought I must have dreamt it, going into and out of wakefulness. A minute later, the chime rang again! I got up and went to the door and looked through the spy-hole – the motion detector light in the lobby was lit! I remembered the note about youths gaining access to the flats through a fire escape door and going around the block, pressing door buzzers and bells, and trying doors! I think it must have been them! Now I was nervous, so sleep was out of the question.

And later, the buzzer went again; I put the light on and heard the door closing noisily! Shit! 

I checked, and the lobby light was on again, so someone had been there. I suspect the youths rampaging again, and this time they were coming into the flat with no doubt nefarious criminal intentions. But with me putting the light on so quickly, it must have surprised them. I heard a voice saying what sounded like ‘Scram! and shadows from the lobby light as they shot off.

I shall have to report this to Warden Deana in the morning… oh, it is morning now. When the wardens arrive at about 09:00hrs.

I am a fool! It is the weekend now. There are no wardens on duty Saturdays and Sundays or evenings. I’ll have to find the Nottingham City Homes control room number and let them know.

I’m a little apprehensive and twitchy now. I bet the scumballs will be back again tonight? Clapthunder! 

As I lay there fretting, I passed wind and made a mess in the Protection Pants to make things worse! Good job that I’ve got plenty in stock. Cause this happened again later! Trotsky Terence was in charge.

The evacuation started and ended before I got down onto the plastic seat! Virtually liquid. What few shreds of solids were a khaki colour, with yellow liquid. The stomach ached and was rumbling throughout. What had I eaten that could have caused this?

I washed, shaved, the teeth were done, olive oiled the ears, Germoloided Harold’s Haemorrhoids, and put the eye drops in (some of the drops actually getting into the eyes!). New PP’s adorned. Changed into the day clothes, and I put the kettle on. Took a Galpharm capsule and a Co-codamol for the tummy pains.

Later on Sunday, I worked on this blog then, the Morning Carer arrived and sorted the medications for me.

I tried to find the number to report the incidents to Nottingham City Homes, but the number was only for Mon to Friday. I mentioned this worry, on the Winwood Heights Facebook page, hoping there may be another number to use. No answer, but it’s only 10:30hrs yet.

Then thought, I’ll report it on the non-emergency police number 101. A fat lot of good that was!

I was getting into a right state, mentally. I rang the 111 NHS number by mistake!

I carefully dialled the 101 digits: The first recorder voice I could hear clearly and got my hopes up. I had to press for Derby or Nottingham Police, which I did. I got a female squeaky to my ears to understand the recorded message.

Farcical! I’d no chance of understanding what was said. So, I had to give up on that, too! People with hearing, sight, and dementia problems are lost in the ether of evolutional methods of contacting anyone for help.

Much as I don’t feel safe locking the door, just in case of another stroke or bad tumble… I do not want the yobs getting into the flat again… Do I lock the door or not?

Not one of my better day endings!

Inchcock Today Mon 4 July 16: Nottingham had policemen all over the place today?


Monday 4th July 2016

Woke 0415hrs, desperate once again for a wee-wee and WCHD (Water Closet Heavy duty) job. Not a nice or easy experience this morning.

Made a brew and took the medications and I was soon back in the WCHD tea

I got the washing ready and went down to the laundry room – oh dear… Some one had left their washing in washer number two, and dryer number two was still out of action, seven days now. Shows how bad the situation is, tenants were arriving in the hope of getting their washing done, even at this ungodly hour of the morning, but they had to go back to their flats chuntering curses.

01Tha one washer I had to use was playing up rotten. It didn’t help that I usually avoid using this one cause of the complicated mechanical’s like. I had no idea what settings I eventually got it to accept, just waited for it to finish, which it did, leaving the freshener capsule undiluted and the clothes rather wet. I got the washing into the one dryer and started it going. After having to clean the filter that someone had not done last time it was used.

Another lady arrived in the hope of using the dryer. She had to try again later.

Back up, and into the WCWW (Water Closet Wee-wee) again! Updated the work I was doing on WordPress, another WCWW and back down to retrieve the washing 50 minutes later. The dryer finished a couple of minutes later, and I removed the attire and it had dried okay but left little marks all over the stuff that I had to pick off when folding and bagging them. Huh! I cleaned the filter and back up to the flat.

WCHD & WW on arrival. Worrying this?

Put the togs away in the airing cupboard, made a cup of tea and before I got the laptop back on to update things again, another WCWW had to be performed.

Over the next few minutes, I had two phone calls one after the other. First BJ telling me about some Old Nottingham Trolley Bus’s being shown this morning in the Slab Square. Had a chinwag.

Then Brother-in-law Pete rang, but the connection was awful on his new mobile, breaking up all the time, not sure what it was he rang about, to be honest.

Made another cuppa, to replace the one that had gone cold, and the phone rang again a third time. BJ confirming the timing of the bus show in town.

Did some graphicalisationing and posted them on the TFZ Facebook site, and did the one for the top of this page.

Got the letters ready to show to Deana, if she is in today that is. Confusing letters (2) from the British Gas (Who supply the electricity, with two account numbers again!) Also a letter from FraserBrown solicitors about the house sale that needs to be explained to me. Sad innit?

Got the ablutions and showerisationing (Do yer like that word? Hehe) done.

Off to the Winwood Community Shed to find Deana. She wasn’t there, nobody was. So I left a note on her desk for her.

To the bus stop in good time to catch the L9 bus to town. Had a chinwag with the bloke form the 14th floor while waiting for it and on the journey.

10dDropped off on Upper Parliament Street and walked down Clumber Street and through to St Peter’s Gate.

There was a sense or feeling that things were too unnaturally calm…

An expectancy of hassle, bother or upset to arrive any minute? I felt oddly rather uncomfortable? shook it off and ventured to St Peter’s Square 10ewhere a sign on the church front offerred Conducted Silence?

Then I nipped into the M&S food-hall. Where once again, I got caught out by their habit of putting the price ticket for the goods, sometimes above the produce sometimes below!

Saw a new product, called M&S Navarin of lamb (Neck fillets) mushrooms carrots shallots leeks, only a 500 g meal at £4 (I thought). I treat myself and put one in the shopping basket. Got some other bits and paid the lady at the checkout. Had a dizzy as I was getting served. Tsk!

I went up the escalator and out into the sunlight, and it dawned on me how much I was charges. So i got the receipt out and had a look at it. The flaming meal was £8 not £4! Ah well, just hope I like it!

10gAt this point I realised that there were many police around all over the place. An ARV black Land Rover slowly lulled up outside M&S at the junction of Regent Street as I stood there. Police out all over town?

10fI wandered up to see the old bus’s on display in the City Centre Slab Square.

Strictly, Look don’t touch notices all over them.

Understandable really.

Had another dizzy while perusing the vehicles, so decided to make my way up Queen Street to catch the L9 bus back to Woodthorpe Court and the flat I call home.

Nice feeling that was, going home!

As I got to the stop I looked at the 10hwonderful sky and clouds and noticed the gargoyles on the roof had been cleaned.

Took a photo (Left) to use later to try and doctor with someones face later, for a laugh like.

Caught the bus back, once more having to fight to keep awake and not miss the stop.

Got in flat, put the food away, but got the Lamb Navarin (I’ll have to look this up) in the oven, and remembered Deana. Hobbled swiftlyish to the Community Hut to explain after spotting the wrong address, old one on British Gas letters. And Julie was in with Jenny. Explained cock up with letters.

10jJulie said Deana was very busy with the police dealing with an emergency.

I’d spotted the police car as I walked to the hut.

Nice to know Nottingham had some policemen left free and they were not all in the City Centre today?

I wondered if they had expected a right or left wing demonstration? I didn’t hear or read anything about this?

Back to flat, remembered Olive visit, went to see her and explained and apologised for not coming earlier and she kindly told me I could go see her tomorrow after 1400hrs, when she returns from seeing her daughter and grandchildren. Looking forward to that, I love listening to her tales… and her massaging me with the pain-gel too! Hehehe!

10kBack to the flat, nervous at leaving the fodder in the oven cooking, all was well, I reckoned it needed a few minutes longer.

I noticed that far away on the footpath hill twelve floor below, was a gal making the best of the weather. Bet it was a good book she was reading. I noticed that in the few minutes between each shot I took, her shoes had moved? Just thought I’d mention it like.

10lGot the fodder presented.

I reckon it was equal top rating for this one, 9.54/10.

But, at this price (£8) I might not be treating myself again too soon.

Another dizzy as I doing the washing up, and I abluted and settled in the Second-hand £300 recliner to watch some TV. Amazingly I did not fall asleep… too often. And when it came time to get the head down, I did without any hiatus whatsoever.

But it didn’t last, Tsk! An hour later I started the waking up regularly routine, telling myself to remember what it was I had dreamt, forgetting it, having a wee-wee, nodding off again, waking up telling myself…


Inchcock Today: Thursday January 1st 2015

Dreams were rife but I cannot recall any part of them this morning – huh!

Got woke up at midnight of course with the fireworks and drunken sounds from all around the house – shook me a bit at first, I thought a war had started. Hehe.


Some of the Troll Free Zone gals bless em 

Got up about 0230hrs and made a cuppa and set to work doing a graphic for the TFZers site.

It took me until 0715hrs to get it right and posted, in fact I’ll put it on here hang on…

Here it is.

Took me medications and did a bit of Facebooking.

I’m hoping that the ice has eased off it didn’t look anywhere near as bad as yesterday when I peeped out of the windows earlier, so maybe I can get a good walk into town and wander around getting some bread and long sleeved t-shirts? I’ll see later.

Had a look outside and was well pleased to see the ice had all but gone now.


Rather peaceful for my locality this morning

So I did myself up hygienically like and got me clean togs on and set off on a walk into town.

Took a photo of the sky at the end of the road… that doesn’t the sky was only at the end of the road it means I took the photo of the sky from the end of the road yer see?

It didn’t look too threatening at all and there were no threatening folk, cyclists. yobs or muggers about – heaven really!


One car and fewer pedestrians this morning

I wandered down to Mansfield Road. There were few people about and even less cars at this point.

In fact I tooketh a photo of the road for I’ve not seen it so barren of vehicles for along time – then it dawned on me what day it was. (I get there in the end… usually).

All still sozzled I expect.

I pressed on the arthritis not too bad at all. The angina fair. The haemorrhoids calm. The rumbling innards fairly good, all in all I felt good to be out in the fresh air and limping along nicely (This situation was to change drastically later!).


How do they make it pay?

40 minutes later when I arrived in Nottingham and was going into the Victoria Centre through the bus station something else dawned upon me. There were no buses! So I’d have to walk all the way back as well after I hobbled there and around town to get me shopping… oh dear never mind I’ve done it before so I can do it again. Huh!.

As I waddled through the centre I noticed the Juice stall below was again customer free and had two staff on duty. I wonder how they make it pay?

0410I walked through and out the other end over walk-way and along to Primark to see if they had any of the really warm long t-shirts in stock.

I plodded up tp the gents department and found them still at £6 each so bought five of them and a pair of lounge pants reduced to £3. I got the XL size in them al this time making sure I did after getting the L last time and it’s an Hell of a job getting into and out of them I can tell yer.

Pleased with myself but not with the knees and angina starting to play up, I limped along checking on the few food stores that were open, but none of them had fresh bread in.

Eventually I found some store made cobs at the Mini-Waitrose. They each cost more than a loaf of bread elsewhere, but hey-ho I’d got me bread of sorts to have with the other half of me Prok Farms pie. I also got a tiny pot BBQ mix beans. Had I realised they cost £2.80 I wouldn’t have bought them, but I was so pleased at getting the warm shirts I didn’t notice the price of the beans. Tsk!

As I came out of the shop the police were cordoning off a bus shelter. As I passed by I could see some crushed spectacles and blood on the floor. I thought about taking a photo but the look the officer gave me discouraged me from doing so.


Rare dancing shoes on sale

I started me walk back to Carrington up Mansfield Road.

I saw an independent shop had some children’s shoes for sale: Girls Cromwell Shoes £5, Scottish Dance Shoes £10, Boys Jig Shoes £5, Jazz Boots £10 and Girls PU Cuban heel Top Shoes on sale. The prices seemed reasonable to me. However I didn’t know what some of them were, all dancing shoes of some type I imagine though? Notice the straw 0406hats? I liked them for some unknown reason.

As I struggled along with the bangs I had a dizzy spell. Not surprising in my condition with the blood being prevented from flowing and my hands were well red. (That’s not a typing error and meaning I had my fortune told be a gypsy like – I meant red the colour your see. Hehe! Forgive me, I feel so good getting me walk in)

As I crossed to the other side of the road I spotted three Police vehicles arriving at some business premises.

0407I took a photo from there and then one of the Scientific Support Vehicle when passed by it. The Nottingham burglars are not taking a day off for the New Year then I thought.

The New Year in Nottingham seems to have continued like the old one, muggings shoplifting burglaries etc?

A limped on, and I mean limped, the feet and knees were rather painful at this stage of me enforced longer walk, on up the hill and down passed the cemetery.


More Nottingham Street Art spotted

Noticing some more Nottingham Street Art in near an entrance gate to some student flats.

It was better than what I saw earlier, the blood and broken glasses in the City Centre anyway.

I plodded down the hill and three fire engines went by, blues and twos on. I hope all these emergency services activity are not a portent sign of things to come again this year in my beloved Nottingham. (Did I say that?)


The pigeons cheered me up

I was struggling walking now but got through the cutting and the pigeons came down and landed and looked up at me as if to say “Come on then, where’s the seed youth?”.

That cheered me up. I gave them some seed and earth-worm pellets and managed the last few hundred yards back to the dump.

A painful rush to the WC first thing demanded.

Took some extra painkillers, started the laptop and made a cuppa.

Started to finish if you know what I mean, this diary.

0411Well shattered physically, poor old twerp.

My nosh tonight consisted of Rustic cobs, pork pie, BBQ bean mix, crispy bacon rashes, Marmite crisps two lollies and a cup of strong tea, along with me medications of course.

An unhealthy choice and including some forbidden by the doctor foodstuffs. And the bean mix contained sweetcorn which is on my definitely-not-to-eat list. I ate many of them and enjoyed them before  realised they were in the mix – bet I suffer from the rear-end after this… oh dear!

Inchcock Today: Sat/Sun 11th/12th October 2014

Saturday 11th October

0400hrs: WC. Checked the ‘Inch’ – very little blood, still swollen and looking inflamed. I forgot to put me Clotrimazole cream on (Twit!)

Being as our Jane and Pete had too much on for me to visit them. They do live a full life, and Jane has is doing well, so proud of her.

So I’ve decreed today as an idle stay at home day!

My concentration is not good today for some reason.

Laptop started. Made a cuppa took me medications

I spend an awfully long time doing graphics for later use, perusing the Men’s Left Handed Usage sites etc. (Only joking)

On retiring the ‘Inch’ bed and bled when I applied the cream. Huh!

Sunday 12th October


Wot an odd night! Waking up every few minutes throughout. The porcelain had a good few visits.

Pains in the knees of a new character – when I went to apply me Phorpain gel I realised what they were… Boils!

Oh lucky me.

Bloomin’ cold again this morning.

Came down and put the heater on in the front room. Made a cuppa and took me medications. During which I thought and pondered about me dosages. On the usual medications it says clearly so many to be taken days or nights. But what about the penicillin? It says four a day – is a day 12 hours or 24? Must remember to ask Dr Vindla about this in the morning. And the fact that despite the med’s and cream, little ‘Inch’ is still bleeding away.

0545hrd, Updated this and started working on my next Nottingham Lads True Tales of Woe for me Inchcock site.

Got the post finished and posted – toyed on Facebook and did some graphics to post.

A warm wet feeling had encroached on my lower regions… I’d better go and get myself ready for me walk and check out the ‘Inch’ then get beautified in case some lady speaks to me on me ramble. (Hehe… back in a bit… I hope – None did!)

0702Well I’ve got me ablutions finished and very little blood this time. Talking of time, it’s time I was off on me  walk into town.

Set off on it and took a picture of Mansfield Road in Carrington.

Then walked along and noticed the sky looked 0702awonderful this morning, but it was colder than it looked though.

I trundled limping along, with everyone passing me, and there seemed a lot of folk going into town for a Sunday.

0701cWonder what was taking place?


As I got nearer town, I noticed the window ledge of House of Fraser had come in handy for somebody last night on their piss-up night out. A contraceptive, fag packet and nub-ends Costa coffee cups and a crushed half eaten food box scattered around. In the phone box further on the same assortment was laying inside?

Clinton Street looked like there was a marathon going on in it, it was that busy.

The many banks ATM’s were busy as well.

0702bSo I took the less busy longer route into the slab square because I could see a couple of mobility scooters mixed in with the crowds on Milton Street.

In the slab square a bit of excitement I thought – seeing a police van, a police car an ambulance and a paramedics car sited on Long Row.

I took a photo or two and approached to see if I could find out what had been taking place – but could see nothing untoward and was very disappointed.

I pondered around a bit and made me way back to Parliament Street via King Street, and there was a demonstration taking place just near Brian Clough’s statue.

It looked like Brian Clough’s statue was cheering them on.

I didn’t find out what it was all about as there were some hecklers to the right of em as I took the photo.

So I decided to walk the long way around again.

That explains the police presence then.

In the square there was many temporary food take-away outlets, some giving off steam and flames as they prepared the many foreign foods for the eager Nottinghamians prepared to pay out the outrageous prices being asked.

Man skateboarders and cyclists belting about all over the place – but none of the police officers around seemed concerned at all.

0703If I’d got a 303 and shot a few they would be I suppose.

I hobbled up Market Street and realised how many of them ‘orrible money grabbing Pay-Day Loan companies had premises on Upper Parliament Street and took a photo of a few.

Some of the signs were approaching liable I think.

“You are not alone – we can help!”

“We buy your gold”

“Cheques Cashed”

“Can we help you – It’s so easy!”

“Loans Guaranteed”

“We buy and sell all items”

“Short Term Loans at fantastic rate!”

“Exclusive Pay-day Loans – No Credit Checks!” etc.

The gullible and poor are being preyed on here! 

And I don’t think it’s right! Moan over now!

0703bI caught the bus back to Carrington, and it was so full and I think the driver was behind because he was doing his best to have the passenger on the floor as he rushed us home.

As we stopped at the traffic lights (much to the displeasure of the driver) I noticed the old Evangelical Church had been sold and they had moved into premised that were obviously cheaper to maintain and run.

If I remember afterwards I’ll Google the new occupants’ name and see if I can find out who they are.

Got off bruised a little, and hobbled back to the hovel.

I updated this tosh, cuppa and medications taken. ‘Inch’ tended to (A bit more blood this time) and got me nosh ready.

Nottingham Police Granted Special Status

Nottingham Police Granted Special Status


Juan questions Ashgar

It was disclosed this morning by Ashgar Tyson a City Council litter and Big Issue seller to our ace, unpaid, senile WordPress reporter Juan Inchcock that the Nottingham City Police are to be awarded a Special Preservation Order from the Nottingham City Council.

Inchcock contacted the City Council leader Con Jollins (Expenses so far this year £46,814.48) who had just returned from a fact finding mission to see how the Miami Council deals with their Gay Lithuanian Support Groups. He met him as he was being woken up at a Council meeting on spending cuts and asked him about this rumour of the Nottingham City Police being awarded a Special Status.

Mr Jollins replied; Now the Coalition Government has dramatically cut the number of officers, and their having asked for a further 2000 voluntary applications from officers for early redundancy, and their having actually received over 6,200 application, we are considering placing a ‘Protected Species’ classification on them as well. But this is being dealt with by our Social Services leader Nugget Khan (Expenses to date this year £4,646.45) He is currently in Luxembourg  assessing the Social needs of immigrants from Luxembourg within Nottingham society.

He added; However, you might like to speak with his secretaries third assistant cleaners support worker, Shirley (Wage £9.37 hourly). She will be available every second Wednesday between ten and ten past ten at the Job Centre plus offices on Upper Parliament Street where she gives support and advice to the masses of Nottingham… as part of the City Council’s support group for the underprivileged.

Unsure if it was worth following up this rumour, Juan left and took his medications.


Commissioner Steedenski

Inchcock eventually did catch up with Shirley by chance, when he was on his way to apply for a new bus-pass, Shirley’s chauffeur driven Jaguar swerved to avoid a skateboarder who had collided with a mobility scooter, and they knocked Inchcock over.

Commissioner Mike Steedenski, who was in the vehicle groping Shirley at the time bore witness that Juan had caused the accident by running away from the skateboarder and mobility scooter in the first place.

When he was released from hospital, he decided to chase the story about the Nottingham police, and ensconced at the Job Centre plus offices on the Wednesday at ten a.m. and awaited the arrival of Shirley.

He saw her arrive and put her bottle of Gin in the glove compartment, she entered the Job Centre Plus premises. Where Juan cornered her and asked for her views on the Granting of Special Status for the Nottingham Police Force.

She was very calm and collected and explained: “Any rare species is entitled to our protection to save their becoming totally extinct. Look what happened to the Dodo and Simon Dee! Do we want this to happen to our Policemen as they become more and more scarce?”


Offensive weapon caution

At that she walked off into the back offices with a hiccup and staggered waddle.

Juan was still not sure if he should continue with the story to press, as there seemed little interest shown by the Big issue sellers, street artists, muggers and Pay-Day loan customers he had interviewed so far that week.

As he left the premises, he was approached by an armed police officer who wished to be advised as to why Juan was in possession of an offensive weapon?

His walking stick.


Police requesting an interview with Inchy about his walking stick & his attack on Commissioner Mike Steedenski’s vehicle

Juan gave the man short change, questioned his parentage put his cap on and limped off disgusted with his treatment.

He caught the bus home to his flea-pit house, and immediately (Well, after he’d taken his medications) drafted a letter of resignation as an unpaid WordPress reporter.

As he set off on a hobble to post it off, the police arrived and conducted an interview with him about his dangerous walking stick he left the Job Centre Plus office.