Inchcock Local New Snippers – Issue 31⅜ths with Odeing

Local New Snippers – Issue 31⅜ths with Odeing

ODE to the Parole Board Killers!

Early on the week so fewer murders, you see?
Not that violence and killing, are my cup of tea…
Death can be unexpected… come abruptly…
Or a knife across the throat, from a druggie?

Or a murderer gets life… ten years and he is free…
To kill again… it’s the Parole Board that’s guilty!
In prisons, more prisoners become an escapee!
It’ll happen again, I can guarantee!
Each killer should become an amputee!
Penis, hand, foot or leg, doesn’t matter to me…

Parole Board are paid so exorbitantly…
Taking their pay, for acting fraudulently,
As killer after killer, they set free!
Most, to murder again… honestly!
They should be hung straight immediately…
As a freed killer takes another life away!

30 killers killed again after being freed I say…
Release from prison twixt 2000 to 2010, May,
Will there be justice for relatives one day?
As parole board members, kill negligently,
Innocent victims have to die this way?
I share my views somewhat ineloquently,
But I so hate Parole Boarder’s complacency!

That’s got that gripe out of the way for a bit… Onwards…

Mayhaps the officers good will they nouriture?
Will criminals expect this kindness, in the future?
And at the station, a glass of wine, a bowl of garbure?
Giving time to a mugger, to scratch his dojigger?
I can’t understand this… best you figure!

That’s three weeks on the trot that faults have been found in a care home? Mansfield Road too. It rings true to home about the medicines not being given on time or making sure they are taken. That’s if they come at all. I hope Meridian don’t get a sudden visit from the CQC… could be the end of the company. And there are so many characterful and a few empty, and brilliant Carers who call. Eventually, that is. There have only been three times they have missed.

More policemen hurt, yet again,
Violent crime is growing immane!
PCs ought to carry some enflurane…
Criminals using language, most profane…
No good talking to them nicely, that’s certain!
Most arrests seem to contain a blood stain?
Or bruise, getting battered about and pain…
These are for policemen, not for the villain!

Another young local scumball,

Scum-Bucket, I can see his home from my flat window,
Another local druggie, mug-whumph and crooked Amigo!

That’s a different weapon used for stabbing…
Policemen of Nottingham, and attacking
Spitting in their face and verbally ridiculing,
Is common, like many things, kicking, shooting…
No doubt police injuries are centuplicating,
Will they ever stop? I’m still waiting…

When I was born, I logged in at just over 3lb,
Weighed in the coal scales, the only thing around,
Mummy said, “I don’t want it, throw it in the Trent!”
Being told this later was a bit of a rent!
She did some things later that made me gay…
When I was four, she ran away!
And they say there’s no answer when you pray?

Good News at last?

Bad News continues! Haha!

The con-man drug-pusher, named Pauca Dzintars,
Escapes punishment, say for his mother he’s a carer,
So the law is kind to him, trying to be fairer…
His going free will undoubtedly make him cheerier,
He’ll go back to pushing, it makes him wealthier…
And thinking of the law, with a laugh and snigger!


Chasing violent crooks can be dangerous & risky,
Offenders may be drugged up or drunk on whisky,
When caught, if caught, they escape acrobatically,
Killers are freed early, to murder again automatically,
Officers are expected to act at all times ‘properly’!

Arrest people nicely, and do the job soberly…
Getting knifed, shot, or stabbed, comes naturally…
They must not say anything to prisoners inflammatory,
They’ll get support nor help, Parliamentarily,
It’s no wonder new recruits get a little fidgety!

I fang you!

Local News Snippets with Comments Part 5⅜

Good Question!

I’ve got arithmophobia, numbers leave my head in a haze,
No doubt, I’m an old gentleman, who is easy to faze,
Trying to understand and or appraise,
Easy, back in my earlier days,
Confusing now, my brain decays…
Facts and figures mixed, like mayonnaise!

This is clearer to me, a lot less bull,
+113.6%, well, that’s plainly plentiful!
Far too high for things to remain uneventful!
In fact, we must indeed all be very careful…
Or things can easily become more fatal!

I’m not sure why this was in the news at all?
This article is not likely to amuse or enthral?
Still, nice to see summat that’s not hard-ball,
I should welcome an item that’s not conflictual!

What is conditional bail?
Bed at a certain time?
Don’t stab anyone or impale?
Collect your dole on time?
Or eat only Wensleydale?
Don’t commit another crime?
Or is conditional bail, a dwale?

Here’s a right git who is rather unnice!
He’d drunk-driven before… Twice!
Nearly six years he got, very nice,
He was tried at Derby, didn’t apologise…
Better than the Nottingham Court guys…
They’d given him a month and free pork pies!

I can’t believe it, just two years… surely?
Our justice system is a tragi-comedy!
It defies logic and believability,
Saving money, with short sentences essentially,
Do we spend too much locking them up excessively?
Starve the gits! Forget about doing things humanely,
Or did the scumbag pretend to act demurely?

I find it hard to make a comment on this scum!

I’m sure she meant no harm at all,
By gum, she’s persistent, in for the long haul,
Though to be honest, it is only natural…
When the grandkids want drugs, avoid being conflictual,
Wanting to please young Elvis and Myrtle?

Brothers Jamil and Shakeel Amin spearheaded the group, who, in their twenties themselves, had a significant influence on young people in the city, who they were targeting since 2018. They were found to have long lists of clients, with frequent phone calls and texts relating to buying the likes of cocaine, MDMA and ketamine. Two members even bragged that they had so much money they could throw fivers ‘in the bin’, and the video of 29-year-old Shakeel Amin and 22-year-old Zain Mushtaq casting the notes aside was shown during the court case involving nine people as part of a drugs conspiracy.

I thought I’d end on a higher note, the top gang bullies got seven years each. It should have been a lot more, but with our justice magistrates and judges, it was a miracle they got seven!

Part of The Inchcock Local News Snippet Series – In Ode

Foster Parents needed for Nottingham Boy – 2nd Appeal


Dr Uppopo Smyth-Robinson, MRCPsych, FRCPsych

Nottingham Social Service’s Manager Dr Uppopo Smyth-Robinson, MRCPsych, FRCPsych has pleaded with us to republish this old (updated information in Red Ink) appeal to find Foster Parents, Adoption parents, anyone really, who is willing to take this Nottingham Lad into their hearts and home.

The many letters of support we have received from the care workers employed by Dr Uppopo Smyth-Robinson, MRCPsych, FRCPsych begging us to help has touched our own hearts, and we agreed to go to WordPress with it.

Dr Uppopo Smyth-Robinson came into the office to plead his case:

I’m afraid this gentle genitally challenged child is causing too many problems at the home, and my staff members are suffering in many ways trying to cope with him.

I fear for the sanity and health of my staff.

Every day they beg me for good news on his adoption status, and every day I have to tell them ‘No… We still haven’t had any inquiries’ from anyone or anywhere.

When I tell them this and they break-down into pitiable tears and let rent with curses, pulling their hair and wailing, it hurts me so to see this.

Since we first put out this appeal over a year ago, Inchcock’s circumstances have changed and so the team got together and amended the facts and figures on the appeal in the hope that this may touch someone’s heart and encourage them to consider at least, to adopt this Nottingham lad.

My staff members (those who have not left the job) are at this moment having a collection and organising fund raising activities to raise some cash for any person who is willing to take Inchcock off our hands.

I have written the changes in Inchcocks status in red ink… please please I beg of you… publish this second appeal… please…

Foster Parents needed for Nottingham Boy, can you help?


Advertised in the Nottingham Evening Post, this surely explains why we need to apply ourselves and provide the resources to cater for our young children?

Nottingham Council’s Adoption Agency

Nottinghamshire Council provides a range of services to look after children and aims to provide quality foster care placements to meet each child’s individual needs in respect of race, culture, religion, disability and language.

Can you offer a home to this young person?


Name: Juan Inchcock.

D.O.B.: 27 August 1946

Nationality: White, British. (We think)

But we are not racist and point out that any denomination of Christian Faith, Muslim, UKIP, Alien or insanitary personages are allowed to apply to adopt this Nottingham lad! PLEASE!

Currently Being cared for by: Local muggers, and the NHS.


* Survived double pneumonia at the age of 3

* Brought up by his father. Very little education received. No etiquette, decorum, deportment, or finesse installed.

* Mother on the run from the police 1950-51 – 1954-1955 – 1956-62

* Loved sports, but was totally useless at them.

* Went bald at 23 years of age.

* Worked for 50 years, in the Retail, Military, Security, and Gas lamp lighting trades – made redundant four times through no fault of his own.

* Broke eleven bones, crushed his right thumb, had a hernia repaired, cancer of the bladder lasered, duodenal ulcer, went deaf, needs three levels of spectacles, contracted Angina, Aorta heart valve replacement, Arthritis in knees and hands, his Reflux valve sticking, Kidney infection and chronically depressed .

* After his cardiac procedures were carried out, he started writing for the Spoof Website, and started his own blog site. Unfortunately, he gets confused at times, and started posting to the wrong site in mistake for the other.

* Then he contracted Arthritis, and Impetigo, currently being treated.

* Inchcock has been fitted with new teeth

* Inchcock has been supplied with new prescription spectacles

The above two items should help him to make less mess when eating and toileting, thus making the any adoptive parents life a little less hazardous!

Medical care required:

He will have to attend a blood test, and await dosage recommendations for the Warfarin tablets he is on weekly if not daily according to results. He has a bus-pass, so you will not need to run him about; he is capable of hobbling to and from the medical appointment as necessary. The other 16 daily medications he is on, will require you to make sure he takes them in order and to the correct dosage:

* Codeine Phosphate as required

* Furosemide 40mg – one each morning

* Lactulose – three x 5ml spoonsful three times a day

* Bisoprolol (Beta Blockers) 25mg – one each morning

* Omeprazole 20mg – one each morning

* Iboprofen Gel – to be applied to the arthritic knees and hands when required.

* Ramipril 5mg – One in AM, one in PM

* Zocor 15mg – One in the evening

* Simvastin 40mg – One in the evening

* Otomise Spray – apply in ears three times a day

* Vitamin B Complex – one a day

* Glyceryl Trinitrate – 600mcg as required not more than two at a time though.

Plus of course, the specified dose of Warfarin for the day, at night.

In the event of the rare dizzy spells attacking Juan, leave him on the floor until he feels he can get up again.

The Nottingham Social Services Department Manager Dr Uppopo Smyth-Robinson points out that legal representation in the event of any adoptive parents getting the medications wrong would be supplied free of charge by Councillor and lawyer Shirley Blamey. 

Personal Traits:

Potty Training:

Originally fully potty trained, but Juan’s memory is getting worse, and this can cause the occasional problem. (Especially now he is on Water Tablets)

Sometimes the busy staff at the Care Home just leave Inchcock on his commode for the day. As long as you leave his laptop with internet connection supplies, he is quite happy with this!


Juan will eat anything not too rich. He has become accustomed since being made redundant, then retiring to living on Asda Smartprice, and Pound Shop products, and you will find these good value… crap!… but good value, and they will suffice for Juan.

Emissions of wind from his anus:

Possibly a by-product of his medications, be warned that after he had laser treatment, he is unaware of any build-up of gases, and they tend to burst out painfully, for him, and anyone in his vicinity.

Gas-masks can and will be provided free of charge at the adoptive parents request.

His Nature:

He is an easy going boy, who likes to feed the pigeons and ducks.

It is essential that you supply an internet connection for him, so he can continue to present crap like this on his blog website, as he is thoroughly addicted.

Do you feel you can help?

Anyone who feels they can take on Juan as foster parents, or adopt him, please send your application in to us, along with a Doctor’s, or Psychologist’s Sanity letter with confirmation of your mental condition.

The above restriction no longer applies.