Random, waffling thoughts from Inchcock!

7Sun13

I think that should be Milliganesqueness?

7Sun14

No animal (Apart from Inchcock of course) were harmed in this production

This blog is lactose-free & suitable for vegetarians and vegans

No artificial colouring or flavourings were used

Inchcock is a semi-free-range production

Organically reclaimed wording used

7Sun15

Vital Advice for Nottinghamian Senior Citizens, Part one – In Rhyme, of sorts

BNC01

They’re dangerous, uncouth and some are blind,

The ignorant swine are uncaring, and what’s more,

They often hit you, coming silently from behind,

Leaving your hand arm or elbow, feeling sore,

They test your sanity, patience and mind,

They’ve no warning bells or horn, that’s for sure,

Belting along the pavements, they are a bind,

It’s no use if you beg and implore,

For them to leave more room, not be so unkind,

The few who reply, use sneers, curse-words obscure,

To roads and cycle paths they should be confined,

Their insults, two fingers you’ll have to endure,

Best to use your walking stick – hit ’em on the jaw!

BNC02

But that’s no solution, not a good idea, you see,

Cause they are young, fit and violence-loving,

They offer scowls and are threatening to me,

Some ride at me, I have to do some manoeuvering,

Which ain’t easy with the walker to push, you see!

Empathy, sympathy, and understanding they are avoiding,

Making this old fart, run and flee!

 Taking their photograph may get me a beating,

But don’t give up the struggle, become an attritee,

Join me on my hobbles, bring a Glock, that’s the thing!

BNC03

They don’t scare me though… well, not too much.

Alright, the law-breaking and getting-away-with-it ‘Gits’ do!

‘Bonkersness’ An everyday pleasure for old folk!’

2019 April 17

It’s a shock, when you wake up, not feeling unwell,
Take your medications, and rub in the Pain-Gel,
The heart monitor might well need a new Duracell,
You wonder around without clothes on, au naturel,
But you don’t realise, till someone does tell.

You and youngsters are on a different parallel,
You worry about your leaks, do they really smell?
Will someone be waiting for you, down in hell?
Sticks to your dentures do marzipan and caramel!

You’ve a shoebox flat to live in now and dwell.
But you call it an apartment, so your pride can swell!
Retentativeness goes away, you’ll forget how to spell,
Your short term memory will never again excel!
Steps, climbing, will make you fear any stairwell.

Doctors, dentist, you’ll be part of their clientele,
Podiatrists, Opticians, analyst, maybe the as well?
Audiologist too, you’ll not hear your phone or doorbell,
Psychoanalyst, avoid talking about your death-knell,
Well, they have a profit to protect, and service to sell.

We’ll lose our logicality, patience and sense of smell,
And when the time comes for to heaven to travel,
Here’s the really-surprising bombshell,
We can’t take clothes with us, even if they’re brocatelle,
No knick-knacks of gold, silver or tortoiseshell,
But I ain’t got none, anyway – so farewell!
I wonder if I’ll see Dad, Mam, or maybe a pterodactyl?

 

2019 Aug 01

Neuropathic Mambo – A song by Timothy Price – Brilliant!

1Mon09a

Written to Spite the peripheral neuralgia!

Neuropathic Mambo

By Timothy Price

♫ When the legs go dancing on their own
Electric feelings shock my bones
Arms all flailing, fingers shake and role
Bumping and grinding out a neuropathic mambo ♫

♫ Shaking
Shocking ♫

♫ Neuropathic mambo ♫

♫ Shocking
Shaking ♫

♫ My knees get weak and start a shake
My arms go limp and then they quake
I stub my toe Ouch I’m still alive
Instead of Typing, my fingers do the hand jive ♫

♫ Shocking
Shaking ♫

♫ Neuropathic mambo ♫

♫ Shocking
Shaking ♫

♫ When the legs start dancing on their own
Electric feelings shock my bones
Arms all flailing, fingers shake and role
Bumping and grinding out a neuropathic mambo ♫

♫ Shaking, shocking, bumping out a mambo ♫
♫ Shaking, shocking, bumping out a neuropathic mambo
Shaking, shocking, bumping out a Neuropathic mambo
Shaking, shocking, bumping out a Neuropathic mambo! ♫

 

Here is the link to the song: Neropathetic Mambo

I Thang You.

 

 

Why Inchcock’s Confidence is at an all-time low. An Ode, laugh and a truth”

1Mon06

Thoughts that Inchcock considers as vital information to pass-on to the younger generation, in a bid to help them decide when to top themselves.

Knowing what is coming to them in old age.

Here starteth the THOUGHTS of WOE

My confidence is at an all-time low,
Things I need, disappear, memories don’t flow,
What’s right, wrong or real, where to go,
Sometimes frustrated, I’ve a wee-wee overflow,
I can’t play an instrument, trumpet or piano!

I fall asleep anytime, anywhere, stunts my workflow,
A bag-of-nerves, no confidence, I’m going loco,
Will I ever regain my sanity? I just don’t know,
Losing my mobility capabilities is a severe blow!

Just some of the programmes I miss watching, though,
Red Dwarf, The A-Team, Heartbeat, Boon & Columbo,
All on Freeview now, but I can’t watch them though,
I can’t stay awake long enough to watch a TV show!

I eat foods from Idaho, Sesotho, Mexico, Morocco,
Montenegro, and Puerto Rico, as my stomach, does grow!
I can’t see my feet when stood up, you know!
Lost Faith in Muslim, Christianity, Gnosticism & Shinto!
In Tellurians, politicians, banks, and Boll-Weevils, too!

Getting up in a morning is a pitiful, painful fiasco,
As are bending, stretching and lifting things is also,
But the mental side, the brain burst into a crescendo,
But no ideas, aims, plans, designs or manifesto,
Always, I use the feeble excuse, “I’ll get it done tomorrow!”

In depression, moroseness I will often wallow,
Meekly go along with others, revealing no bravado,
The only solution is a brain transplant to undergo,
Then I can take lessons, in Judo and Aikido,
Become a Champion, a success, make lots of dough!

Go on TV with Richard Attenborough,
Defeat my enemies, crush my foe!
Become admired, a local hero!
Get a job in Santa’s Grotto!
Or should I just get blotto?

Just a few of the daily ailments below that you can expect.

I didn’t put the Kidney stones, blood poisoning or Mental Decay on the list for fear of making it sound a tad too bleak for the ankle-snappers!

1Mon07

Ageing can be a little Confusing – Inchcock’s Explanatory Ode

The pointlessness, confusion, mayhem, of morning thoughts, will no doubt affect the elderly. Even the alcoholic, chain-smoking, ones are at risk!

If perchance you can make any sense of these Inchcock Thursday morning ponderations wot he wrote this morning, then it is time for you to seek more help and support. Age Concern – PDSA or the snug in the Lions Arms?

Should you reach this stage, my personal advice would be to avoid thoughts of the National Health Service, Grenfell, the Government or Brexit!

4Thu01

1Mon01

Evening Skies, from Inchcock’s Kitchen Window – Part of the The Nottingham Lads True Tales of Woe series

Evening Skies, from Inchcock’s Kitchen Window

2Tue26

Views that started Inchcock’s brain rambling off, thinking, pondering over and worrying about everything. Frustrated that he can do nothing about anything nor even comprehend, understand or communicate with his own mind!

2Tue07b

The sky tonight: It’s polymorphous really did impress me,

The dying sun, struggling through the darkness, expressly,

Should have inspired a song, probably from Elvis Presley,

Magnificence flowed, from apex to apogee,

The above line is wrong, I couldn’t find another word to rhyme, you see!

2Tue08a

Ah, the joys of living up high up in the clouds, primarily,

Where I can feel abandoned, sometimes get a bit dizzy,

Seek happiness… but that’s another story,

Viewing this landscape installs much inner psychoactivity,

I had to break off a while, I’d had too much curry,

So off to the Porcelain Throne in a hurry.

2Tue09

As to the reason for the natures ostentatiousness, I’m not privy,

Why mankind’s existence? Finding out is no tantivy,

No point in searching, so close to my logging out of life’s activity,

I blame my failure, on my brains under-activity,

Also on my abundant  impecunity,

My lack of faith and the absence of any divinity!

2Tue10

I’m aware my brain has an impaired cognitivity,

My physical condition deteriorated, no longer of its high-quality,

Ailments abound, and the midriff is a superabundant mass, too much quantity,

My life’s actions have had little bioactivity on others, that’s a sad pity,

Relationship-wise, there’s been a paucity!

2Tue10a

Fellow workers seemed to be more successful, with greater superiority,

They had confidence; that bosses mistook for ability!

Too late for me now, as I approach my senility,

Now I’m classed as having a disability,

I mean apart from my natural stupidity!

2Tue11

Porcelain Throne evacuations, now show great fluidity,

This occurs now with a pungent consistency,

The monthly medications increasing, remind one of mortality,

The brain wakes in the morning with even more veracity,

Often with thoughts lacking in reality,

But I do my best to keep my humour and morality!

2Tue12

I try to keep my medical appointments with accuracy,

I do my bestest, to avoid any turpitude and degeneracy,

Keeping my perambulations regular and ambling, not sprightly,

Sometimes I forget to take my medicines nightly,

When I do miss them, I accept the pains, quite quietly,

For it was me who caused them by acting deficiently!

2Tue12a

I wrote these words in a mood, benignantly,

I dream of helping others to have a laugh, but not confidently,

For I fear that humour’s now being received with severity,

Not with a smile, merriment, or joviality,

Still, the photographicalisations came out chromolithographic.

 

I blame folks worrying, over the UK’s Brexitaliticalisationing!