Inchcock Today: Ode to Ageing Confusions – Part 1⅔rds Ending with Inchies Forecast for the World!

The Birthing of Inchcock

It had to come, he was welcomed unappreciatively,
By his Park Drive smoking mummy…
She dropped her fag ash all over Inchies tummy…
Sneered and told the Midwife, Emily…
“Don’t want it; throw it in the Trent straight away!”

Not the most pleasant welcoming lambing…
Midwife Emily, years later, fact confirming!
I asked Mother if it were true, her replying…
“Yea, but for a less than 3lb lump birthing…”
“You caused me a lot of hurting!”…
Then she started absconding… the police pursuing!

Schooling

The worst of all up then his schooling,
Him being so thick, no real educationing,
Each school day is dedicated to just surviving…
Avoiding teachers’ attention advancing,
Avoiding his touching and clutching…
And the gangs beating and bashings!

Working For a Living

Dad got him a job, morning newspaper delivering…
Then more rounds, Sundays and evenings…
Now he was more confused, earning a living,
At fourteen, he began his first proper working…
He did his best, never any shirking!

He wishes he’d been clever enough for apprenticing…
But he wasn’t, and this is no bullshitting…
16 now, interest grew in his ding-a-ling…
Joan, her name, a pretty little thing…
Who claimed she was about to be birthing…
At first, Inchcock thought of bragging…

He discovered that Joan did female wrestling…
While he wrote crap poems, wordsmithing…
T’was found that Joan had been lying…
She was not about to be multiplying!
For Inchy, there’ll be no betrothing!

Times, Depressing…

Memories of his failure, he keeps unearthing,
It’s himself his is mentally badmouthing,
He realised he was unlucky when around forty…
He’s grown old early, was getting more portly…
Depression grew worse shortly…

He needed mental stimulus strengthening…
He’s still not had any at seventysomething…
He’d hoped for better luck but didn’t win a farthing!
Did the lottery for many years, never won anything…
Won the pools one week, though, amazing!

Not a lot, hardly enough for bequeathing,
2/6d – (12½p) winnings he would be receiving,
His pools plan cost him 75p (15/-d), always losing!
And wrong choices and options choosing!
His life is forever error and mistakes replenishing!

Whoopsiedangleplops Acceptance!

Now, he sees that his life is like thirst-quenching,
Sanity-saving drinks have never been emerging!
Only his Thought-Storms will get any turbocharging…
His ever further ageing ailments, always twinging…
His mental stability… well, that’s beyond salvaging,
Sadly, due to his own misjudging and mismanaging!

Of course, he wished Dementia Doreen would go away…
But most clearly, she is with him every single day…
No matter Inchie, may hope, plead and may pray!
He’s bald nowadays, so worries not about going grey…
His memory and brain working more absentmindedly!

Physical Problems

Cataract Kathleen is his ailment most vexing…
The earholes are second, the wax is grid-locking,
The diminishing hearing is quite shocking!
Neuropathy Pete has his leg and handshaking!
Inchie still hits doors when through them he’s walking!

Things Wot Inchie Can No Longer do…

Here, he lists the things he’s never been found doing…
At least for a few years, there’s been no canoodling!
Surprisingly he misses doing his cobbling,
Resting, relaxing, unwinding, or chilling!
He can’t even manage to do the kettle descaling!

Incapable now, of drooling, duelling, hoping, driving…
Coping with problems or their abnegating…
Ballooning, javelining, footballing,
But: he’s excellent at frowning and bumfuzzling!
And bad odeing, and body-fattening!
And he’s the perfect mind & body for malfunctioning!

The Future?

Inchies Forecast for the World!

Ah, the future, to Inchie, it’s not very enticing…
For him, just the usual mistake-making and doddering!
More Thought-Storms, memorise of failings, so agonising,
He’d like to undergo a brain reinstalling…
Impossible, of course, that’s Dementia Doreen lurking?

After a life of ever belittling,
Now he’s ever bungling…
Tripping, stumbling or falling…
On a bad day, you’ll find him burbling…
A good day, he might be yodelling!

But good rays are rare…
Hardly ever, to be fair…
Maybe a decent minute or two here and there?
You can see why the old man’s in despair?
For company, he even welcomes the dentists’ chair!

He’s always on a downer; at least he’s consistent?
Yet a good chinwag and laugh, he is not resistant?
But he feels so sorry for those whose lives are distant…
The whippersnapping youngsters, not the convalescent…
What does the future hold for them? No contentment?
Wars, violent crime, people becoming intolerant…
Gangsters, politicians, getting more fiscally corpulent…
Fracking, rainforest destruction, morals corrodent!
Worries, price rises give fears, making folk crapulent,
Which uses up their funds quicker; it’s totipotent!
Putin may yet change God’s design, the rodent!
Proving the turd is untouchable, cunctipotent!

Why does Putin attack with impunity?
Proving to the world his inhumanity?
If also, his degree of egocentricity?
If we interfere, we’ll lose our power, electricity?
Proving our powerlessness and ignominy!

Putin

He does not look it; he’s showing serenity?
He claims to have compassion and benignity…
Or is that look, snottiness and solemnity?
Indeed no caring, just in hatred in the vicinity!
As he kills without care and utter impunity!

The West’s response shows no dignity…
Scared to death, showing nothing, of authenticity,
But what can we do with a man of such insanity?
His inhumanity is of outstanding durability…
Stop him? We do not have the ability!

From being attacked himself, he has autoimmunity…
Cause the West doesn’t have the guts or edacity…
We have our own failings, our own disunity…
This war has no opportunity of curability…
And that brings out amongst many detestability!

Ukrainian Spirit?

What a man, President and Ukrainian!

Once Putin wins, it will be more challenging than he thinks,
May the West challenge him to a game of tiddleywinks?
Volodymyr Zekenskyy, the man who doesn’t shrink!
Who compared to Pucking Putin, the far better man, I think!

Inchcock: His Open Letter to Theresa May

WAK001Dear Theresa May,

Congratulations on beating the man you have just sacked from the Cabinet in the Tory leadership election.

I’d like to offer you the opinion of a rather uneducated old fart, who, incidentally much appreciates his pensioner’s bus pass, on a few of your selections for your new cabinet ministers. I understand his opinion is of no value or consequence, benefit or interest to you (Or any of your cabinet or MP’s), but the new growth in distrust of the aforesaid personages, has encouraged me to be bold.

Also, my not having long left to live, had a bearing on this decision too.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

WAK01Philip Hammond  Brexit Remain Supporter

New Chancellor of the Exchequer

Millionaire Hammond is worth around £8.8m but avoids tax after transferring property as a “gift” to his wife. This Essex boy has never had a proper paid job

He recently stepped in over ‘very disappointing’ plans by new Chinese owners to hike membership fees at Wentworth golf club. Long-time members of Surrey-based golf club have accused the new Chinese owners of using an eye-watering fee hike to get rid of them and turn the club into a preserve of the global ultra-rich. If he fails on this, you can always buy the support of Tony ‘I ain’t rich enough yet’ Blair and William Hague by buying them a two-year membership of the club. Although I’m uncertain if Hague’s wife Ffion is still a Barclays Bank Advisor, but as he and she he joined a lavish Italian trip, one of Europe’s most expensive hotels, where rooms costing £1,000 a night and paid for Barclays executives on a black day for global markets, I assume she will not give up these perks and of course the pay for being an Advisor to Barclays Bank: (£86,000 per annum, tax free?) You know the one, that the Tory Government rescued financially?  

MY VIEW: He is the second richest member of the new cabinet, with a net worth of £8.4 million, just under Lord Strathclyde with £9.6 million. Mr Hammond is said to have achieved his worth from stakes in a health care and nursing home developer and “consultancy work”.Within six months, he will be blaming the Brexit Leave Supporters for the country going broke. Only joking – am I? I wish him well and I appreciate that his lock on the front door of his third home costs more than my house did. I just wish he was not so rich that if he fails he will not suffer financially at all – just Jealous Theresa, yer know!

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WAK02Boris Johnson  Brexit Leave Supporter

New Foreign Secretary

Royal-blooded, Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson (born in New York City to wealthy upper-class English parents in June 1964), Johnson was educated at the European School of Brussels, Ashdown House School, and Eton College.

Boris is, albeit, distantly related, to the present Royal family, and also to the Royal Houses of Europe, including the Swedish and Dutch Royal Families, as well as the Romanoffs.

So, we can see why you have chosen him to be your Foreign Secretary. Also and as well besides, we understand.

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WAK03Amber Rudd Brexit Remain Supporter

New Home Secretary

Who, as Energy Secretary who Labour claimed misled MPs about meeting mandatory EU energy targets on renewable power, is a buxom lass, and it is easy to see why Theresa has opted for her for her new as her new Home Secretary.

As Energy Secretary, she came under fire for failing to reveal close links to a top lobbyist in official parliamentary records. Under new rules brought in for this parliament, MPs must officially disclose all family members engaged in lobbying the public sector.

The Hastings & Rye MP, also Billed the taxpayer £173,367.16 over the 2014-15 period placing her in sixth place out of the 16 county MPs. She claimed the bulk of her expenses on staffing costs – £137,127.53– as well as £22,794.66 on office costs, £10,330.79 on accommodation, £2,854.18 on travel and £260 on ‘miscellaneous expenses’. So she’s cunning, greedy and not afraid to fiddle if given the opportunity.

Worked as a financial journalist and venture capitalist, after working in New York and London for J.P. Morgan & Co. So, she’ll be perfect for the position as Conservative Home Secretary.

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WAK04DavidDavis Brexit Leave Supporter

Brexit Minister Secretary

David Davis, the former shadow home secretary, who grew up on a council estate, spent more than £10,000 of taxpayers’ money on home improvements in four years, including a new £5,700 portico at his home in Yorkshire. 

The former chairman of a Commons committee that keeps tabs on government spending also claimed more than £8,000 for over 5,000 gallons of heating oil. Claims submitted by Mr Davis under the Commons’ additional costs allowance system show that he paid £5,704 for the portico – an open porch that normally protects a property’s front door from the weather – in July 2006. The bill was “to supply and install a new portico to front door entrance, new matching gate and frame to court-yard and six-pane window to out building”. The Commons fees office agreed to pay the bill two weeks later.

Mr Davis spent about £5,000 on home furnishings, including £658 to decorate his kitchen and utility room and £640 on a flax carpet for the breakfast room. In 2008-09 he charged £46.33 for changing a lamp in a floodlight at one of his properties.

In 2009-210 his expenses were only £ 109,146.

Davis was raised on Aboyne Estate, a council estate in Tooting, South West London. After attending Bec Grammar School in Tooting, London, he went on to gain a master’s degree in business at the age of 25 and went into a career with Tate & Lyle. Another non-working for a wage MP.

August 2013: Figures from the body responsible for parliamentary expenses show that the highest expenses claimant in Gwent was David Davies, Tory MP for Monmouth, who claimed £40,241. But the MP said that he had not seen a penny of the money and that the term expenses had been used for too long.

He’s going to have a ball now he’s in power int he!

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WAK05Michael Fallon Brexit Remain Supporter

Defence Secretary

The MP retrospectively claimed £3,521 for legal fees and hundreds more for mortgage interest charges and utility bills — all personally authorised by the head of the fees office. Mr Fallon had previously claimed £1,000 a month in second home expenses to rent a property in Pimlico, south west London. Mr Fallon said at the time: “This was an inadvertent mistake for which I accept responsibility. The fees office proposed that the overpayment should be offset by other claims.”

The MP added that all his other claims “were routine costs properly authorised and allowable at the time”. He began making the excessive claims after buying the Westminster flat for £243,000 in June 2002 and designating it as his second home. Various other household expenses he claimed for after September 2004 included a £250 per month cleaning bill, which Mr Fallon reduced from £300 after being asked for a receipt.

Between 2002 and 2004, Fallon regularly claimed £1,255 per month in capital repayments and interest, rather than the £700-£800 for the interest component alone. After his error was noticed by staff at the Commons Fees Office in September 2004, he asked: “Why has no one brought this to my attention before?” He repaid £2,200 of this over-claim but was allowed to offset the remaining £6,100 against his allowance. After realising they had failed to notice the excessive claims, Commons staff reportedly suggested Fallon submit fresh claims which would “reassign” the surplus payments to other costs he had legitimately incurred.

In May 2005, he claimed £499 for a television, £69.50 for a digital box and £35 for a radio. Mr Fallon sold the flat in December 2006 for £295,000, making a profit of £52,000. He claimed £1,774.50 in legal fees relating to the sale. In the two months before the sale, he claimed £126 for boiler repairs, £170 for repairs to bathroom tiles, £282 for electrical repairs and £225 for carpet cleaning. He then bought another flat in Westminster for £728,000. Soon after moving in, he claimed £1,795 for a bed, £1,500 for curtains and almost £1,000 for a freezer, washer-dryer and deep cleaner. The claim for the bed was reduced to £1,000. He then began claiming the interest on the mortgage for his new flat, which came to about £2,100 per month — almost three times as much as at his previous property. Mr Fallon also shares a large house in his Kent constituency with his wife, Wendy. The house, which the couple bought in 1997, is about 28 miles away from Westminster. It is not mortgaged.

Mr Fallon is also paid as a director of three companies. His salary from one, a money broker, is reportedly £45,000. He also pays his wife from his taxpayer-funded office expenses to work as his secretary.

Fallon, is a board member of a leading brokerage firm that dominates the rates market and which has been asked to co-operate with the Financial Services Authority’s investigation into malpractice across the City.

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WAL01Liam Fox Brexit Exit Supporter

International Trade Secretary

In a less shameless world, Liam Fox’s career would have ended in 2011. Or to give him his full title, the disgraced former defence secretary, Dr Liam Fox.

In March 2010 Fox appealed Sir Thomas Legg’s decision that he had overclaimed £22,476 in mortgage interest payments. Fox immediately repaid the money, then appealed the decision. Fox’s appeal was rejected and the decision was upheld by Sir Paul Kennedy, a former high court judge. Fox stated that his decision to remortgage his second home to pay for redecorations and claim the higher interest repayments on his expenses represented value for money because he could have charged the taxpayer for the decorating bills directly. In his response, Sir Paul Kennedy stated: “What you claimed was not recoverable under the rules then in force. I entirely accept that, like many others, you could have made other claims if the fees office had rejected your claims for mortgage interest, and that you may well have spent some of what you raised by increasing your mortgage on your constituency home, but the evidence is imprecise, and my terms of reference only allow me to interfere if I find special reasons in your individual case showing that it would not be fair and equitable to require repayment, either at all or at the level recommended.” This reportedly made him the Conservative Shadow Cabinet member with the largest over-claim on expenses, and as a result, he has been forced to repay the most money.

It was reported in June 2009 that Fox claimed expenses of more than £19,000 over the last four years for his mobile phone. Fox claimed the high bill was due to regular trips overseas, in his capacity as Shadow Defence Secretary and said he was looking for a cheaper tariff.

In October 2012, the Commons Speaker blocked the release of data showing which MPs were renting their homes to other MPs for financial gain. However, a study of parliamentary records was published in the Daily Telegraph. The study showed that Liam Fox receives rental income from his London home while simultaneously claiming rental income from the taxpayer to live at another residence.

In October 2013, Fox hit the news again, after documents showed he claimed 3p for a 100-metre car trip a year earlier. He also made an additional 15 claims of under £1 for car travel approved in 2012–13, two of which were for 24p and 44p. He told the Sunday People: “I don’t do my expenses. My office does them. But they are all done according to the rules for travel distances.

During October 2011 Fox’s relationship with a close friend, Adam Werritty, attracted extensive media attention and eventually led to Fox’s resignation. Werrity, some 17 years younger than Fox, had been best man at his wedding, had lived rent-free in Fox’s flat, and been involved with him in business and in the conservative Atlanticist think-tank The Atlantic Bridge. While Fox was Defence Minister, Werrity had visited Fox at the Ministry of Defence on many occasions, had accompanied Fox on numerous official trips, attended some of his meetings with foreign dignitaries, and had used official-looking business cards which said he was an “advisor” to Fox, all despite having no government post or security clearance. The media raised questions about Fox’s judgment in allowing this to happen, the nature of the men’s relationship, and the source of Werrity’s income.

Fox is a registered shareholder of the medical educational firm Arrest Ltd. His estimated wealth is £1.7 million.

Fox accepted a £50,000 donation from Jon Moulton, whose investment firm, Better Capital, later went on to own Gardner Aerospace, an aerospace metallic manufactured details supplier which includes component parts for both military and civilian aircraft. This potentially exposed Fox to conflict of interest but neither Fox nor Moulton violated any rules with this donation.

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WAL02Jeremy Hunt Brexit Remain Supporter

Health Secretary

Since first being elected to government in 2005, Hunt has been involved in a string of scandals which when put together outshine some of the bigger scandals on this list. Yet somehow the impervious MP has gone on to be rewarded with ever more responsibility. Here are some instances where other MPs and the public have called for the Teflon-coated minister’s resignation:

  1. · In 2009, he was forced to repay £9,500 of taxpayers’ cash after allowing his election agent to live rent-free in his subsidised home. This was after he had also breached the rules for claiming for a property that was his designated main home.
  2. · In 2010, it was discovered his former parliamentary assistant had been given a civil service job. The assistant was the daughter of a Conservative life peer who had also been the director of Hunt’s company.
  3. · In 2010, he apologised after suggesting hooliganism was to blame for the 1989 Hillsborough disaster.
  4. · In 2012, it was revealed he was a tax avoider (something Cameron said he would not tolerate) after dodging more than £100,000 in tax in a property deal.
  5. · Again in 2012, close links were discovered between his office and Rupert Murdoch’s company News Corporation. Hunt, at the time, was handling the company’s bid to take over BSkyB. It was found Hunt and his advisors had communicated sensitive information to Murdoch.
  6. · In 2013, the British Medical Association said he displayed “complete ignorance” after saying he thought the abortion limit should be changed to 12 weeks.
  7. · His expenses featured: 1p for a 12-second phonecall, £75 on five candles, £700 on signs for one of his houses and a whopping £3,180 on stamps, envelopes and labels (in one year).

Why is Hunt again in the cabinet? Labour leader Ed Miliband once said “it beggars belief” but maybe it has something to do with Hunt’s support during his buddy David Cameron’s leadership campaigns?

A definite bad move from Theresa, if she is wanting to regain the confidence and trust of the voters… but I don’t suppose she’s bothered about that!

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WAL03Chris Grayling  Brexit Leave Supporter

Transport Secretary

Chris Grayling has claimed £104,183 of taxpayers’ money over six years for a London flat – even though he has a family home just 17 miles away from Westminster. And neighbours said they “rarely, if ever” see him at the Westminster flat where his postbox is packed with unopened mail.

On the eve of becoming an MP in June 2001, Mr Grayling, 46, paid £127,000 for the one-bedroom flat in a six-storey block, which has views of Westminster Cathedral and is only a short stroll from the House of Commons. But a local estate agent said the value of properties in the block had soared to between £210,000 and £330,000, despite the recession.

Our inquiry sparked claims from MPs last night that Mr Grayling  would trouser a huge profit from the London property market,  largely thanks to taxpayers’ cash. Mr Grayling is allowed to use his additional costs allowance (ACA) to pay for and furnish a second home – either in London or his constituency of Epsom and Ewell. Between 2001 and 2007, he claimed a total of £104,183 under the ACA – close to the maximum possible claim over the period of £122,710.

In 2009, Chris Grayling promised to sell his London flat and repay any profit to the taxpayer. There is no record of this repayment. Numerous requests for information from Grayling’s office have been met with a blank refusal to provide any further evidence. It’s quite possible the payment was made. The records we have are incomplete, having been destroyed under Commons rules. But his office’s refusal to provide any evidence of it suggests the old arrogance of MPs is reasserting itself as memories of the expenses scandal fade.

Just after the May 2005 general election, he claimed £4,250 for redecorating and £1,561 for a new bathroom. The next month he claimed £1,341 for new kitchen units. The month after that he put in a claim for another £1,527 for plumbing and £1,950 for further work.

He got himself caught up in the Fox/Werritty scandal.

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WAL05WAL06Priti Patel  Brexit Leave Supporter

International Development

Her expenses in 2014 were £152,000 plus.

She employs her husband as her Office Manager on £50,000 a year.

On the IPSA granted MPs pay rise of over £7000, she did not comment on whether she would accept the rise or how she felt about it. But she did.

She once worked for lobbying firm Weber ­Shandwick, whose clients included British American Tobacco – the makers of brands like Dunhill and Lucky Strike. Patel then moved to Diageo, the British multinational alcoholic beverages company, and worked in corporate relations between 2003 and 2007, earning hundreds of thousand of pounds. While the company paid workers £15 a year. In 2014, she accepted a £2,000 donation from a tobacco supplier HT&Co (Drinks) Ltd .

The MP for Witham, supports the death penalty too. In the past she’s professed admiration for Ayn Rand, told reporters: “Murder should never be an alternative to an honest day’s work, which is why I’m strongly in favour of a reintroduction of the death penalty for low-earners.” She added, “A £100,000 earnings cut-off would ensure the most important members of society are not executed, and would also provide a deterrent for the poor and workshy who would rather be housed in jail to save money.”

… I’m sorry, but I can’t write and research anymore… I’ve depressed myself…

Ode to the UKs Political Leaders

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Who should you really want to vote for?

Who will make you more frustrated and poor?

Can any of them be trusted any more?

Will they all send our soldiers to war?

Will they copy Maggie and the nihilist Blair?

They’ll all make your blood boil and want to swear,

Fiddle their expenses, unhindered without a care,

Honest politicians? You haven’t a prayer!

Their chrematistic nature we’ll have to endure,

Their ego, lying, cheating and cunning for sure,

They lie cheat but never get shown the door,

Should we shoot one now and then to level the score?

They seek wealth, adulation and utter power,

A set of dishonest, distrustful folk this shower,

Getting more greedy by the day… the hour!

Free from prosecution in the their Ivory tower.

We’d be better off trusting a herd of Gnu,

Their greed you just cannot subdue,

Their growing wealth needs a judicial revue,

It’d probably be done by Osborne’s Uncle too,

As Con-men go, UK MP’s are the best, it’s true!

General Election 2015: Some things that make you wonder whether to vote or not…

MPelec15

We look at the escapades of  our past and present MPs like Blair, Brown and more…

Should we have voted them in – they’ve all lied – more than once before,

Blair with his Ploutomania and addiction to killing and war,

Cameron out to kill-off the NHS that’s certainly for sure,

Cleggy his pet supporter has a lot to answer for.

Nigel will fail, despite his being cocksure,

Vince Cable a man of whom I am suspicious and unsure,

Their lies, cheating and fiddling we seem to ignore?

I might be uneducated and rather poor,

And been guilty of voting for one of em before,

Now this lot I hate, they make me teeth sore!

Written by Inchcock on Saturday 18th April 2015 while he was suffering from rumbling innards and frequently demanding trips to the porcelain – Where he naturally was inspired to make this ditty as he thought of Britain’s Members of Parliament

No NHS patients, unemployed personages, or disabled people were harmed in the creation of this load of rubbish.

 

Inchcock’s Politicians Dictionary Updated

Dic top

Permission was granted for Inchcock to blog this dictionary to prevent him from sulking, going off and feeding the pigeons and catching Histoplasmosis and getting himself all depressed again

Amarulence: (Bitterness, spite)

How politicians think of the voters.

Aphnology: (The study of wealth)

What Politicians are preoccupied and obsessed with.

Dic0001Back-hander: (A bribe or illegal inducement)

Only the very new, or the two honest MP’s already in Parliament would not know what this means.

Bank: (Depository, Investment firm, trust company, A business establishment in which money is kept for saving or commercial purposes or is invested.)

Where politicians prefer not to store their ill-gotten back-handers and bribes, preferring to use Overseas investment accounts.

Barclay’s Bank:

The company who has 35 paid advisor’s from within the ranks of MPs and their family members. (Like Ffion Hague, William Hague’s wife) amongst our MP’s and their relatives, thus getting rescued financially whenever they need to be – Barclay’s is made up of two ‘Clusters’: Retail and Business Banking, and Corporate and Investment Banking and Wealth Management, each of which has a number of Business Units, and bribes official’s of the Government with ease.)

Bifurcated: (Divided into two branches, paths)

Descriptive of the current Liberal Democrat Party

Bribery: (An illegal or underhand inducement)

Only the very new, or the two honest MP’s in Parliament would not know what this means, or be an active participant in bribery.

Businesses: (Commercial, industrial, or professional dealings)

What Britain used to own and run in the UK.

Chrematomania: (Obsession with money)

A disease that grips MP’s the instant they make their first expense fiddling claim. It is considered one of the essential components of the psyche of anyone applying to become a candidate for election in the UK.

Cimmerian: (Very dark; gloomy)

The future for the UK when the Coalition Government took power, it is even darker now for the proletariat, but the Etonites and rich are doing well.

Dic0001aCommendaces: (Funeral orations, Prayers for the dead)

Emotions and impending activity regarding the Liberal Democrat Party

Compassion: (Deep awareness of the suffering of another coupled with the wish to relieve it)

Conservative MP’s need not concern themselves with this word or its interpretation; they’ll never need or understand it. Labour members do use this emotion, although of course they are not genuine feelings. One person backs up  this theory: Tony Blair.

Decency: (Conformity to prevailing standards of propriety or modesty)

Coalition MP’s need not concern themselves with this word either, they’ll never need or understand it.

Deleterious: (Harmful effect, injurious to others)

The effect that Coalition MP’s lies about VAT increases, and cutbacks have on the proletariat. MPs enjoy being deleterious.

Empleomania: (Insatiable urge to hold public office)

A disease that all future MP’s are born with, a more common word for it is Greed.

Europe: (The area of the globe that has three countries in it that Britain has not been to war with, Luxembourg, Switzerland and Morocco. The sixth largest continent, extending west from the Dardanelles, Black Sea, and Ural Mountains. It is technically a vast peninsula of the Eurasian land mass)

Rolls-Royce was bought by Germany’s Volkswagen Group in 1998 as part of a £430million deal.

Expenses:

This does bringeth forth great joy to the nepotistic MP’s and their bank balances – Something spent to attain a goal or accomplish a purpose.

Foreigners: (Persons born in or coming from a country other than one’s own)

MPs like these people, and help them by selling off the UKs assets to them. Here are a few: The UK’s most prestigious marquees, Rolls Royce and Bentley, have been respectively owned by BMW and Volkswagen since 1998. – Ford bought Land Rover while MG Rover was sold first to the Phoenix Consortium for a tenner before being rescued from administration by the Chinese Nanjing Automobile Group in 2005. – Ford had purchased Jaguar in 1990, but sold it along with Land Rover to India’s Tata Motors in 2008. – Last year, a survey conducted by the trade magazine The Grocer and the research firm Nielsen found that of the biggest 180 biggest grocery brands in the UK, just 44 are home-owned. – HP brown sauce was the inspiration of Frederick Gibson Garton, a Nottingham grocer in the late 19th Century. In June 2005 the brand became part of the Heinz empire. Heinz itself was purchased earlier this year by Warren Buffet’s Berkshire Hathaway and the Brazilian global investment fund 3G Capital. – Japanese firm Mizkan who, by the way, already owned Sarsons Vinegar and Hayward’s Pickled Onions, purchased Branston Pickle. – Britain’s other large confectioner Rowntree Mackintosh, founded in York in 1862, was bought by the Swiss conglomerate Nestle in 1988. – Scottish & Newcastle Brewery was jointly purchased by Heineken of The Netherlands and Carlsberg of Denmark. – Britain’s biggest bank is HSBC – the Hong Kong and Shanghai Banking Corporation. – There is nothing more British than Tetley Tea, which is owned by Indian conglomerate Tata. – Selfridges, the Oxford Street department store was purchase by the Canadian Weston family. – British Gas and British Telecom were flogged too, followed by British Airways, British Rail and British Steel. It was a signal that the UK was open for business, and we’ve never looked back. Soon our big companies were also being auctioned to the highest bidders, and that meant that it was often foreigners doing the s-h-o-p-p-i-n-g. ICI, Rolls-Royce and P&O were among the crown jewels that went into overseas hands. The list goes on and on. Now more than 48% of the UK’s listed firms are foreign owned.

But this does not seem to bother the MPs of the UK?

Hamartithia: (Being likely to make a mistake)

A word that the existence of was denied by Margaret Thatcher, then Tony Blair, and every MP since!

Dic0001bHonour: (Personal integrity)

Absolute mystery to MP’s.

Honesty: (Truthfulness, sincerity)

An affliction with some of the proletariat voters, that as yet has not affected politicians at all.

Imperturbation: (Freedom from agitation of mind – calmness – quietude)

Over the years the MPs have cunningly covered their tracks and protected themselves from prosecution for their wrong-doings and lying. So this word is a perfect word to describe the MPs themselves.

Industry: (Refers to the production of an economic good [either material or a service] within an economy)

Manufacturing bases/companies, like we used to have in Britain, car builders, lace manufacturers, shipbuilding, fishing fleets galore, and the likes, now gone! (See Foreigners)

Lying: (Telling fibs)

Without doubt ever increasing proliferations as this word is used more and more, it is rampant throughout our MPs and Government ministers, mind you, they do it as well if not better than many other countries representatives.

Dic0001gMorals: (Personal or cultural values, codes of conduct)

The decline of this words meaning has been falling for a couple of years now – not in Parliament of course, it’s been missing and ignored in there for many more donkey’s years!

Mumpsimus: (A view stubbornly held even when proven to be wrong)

This word was created at the conception of Members of Parliament, and has been present in every Minister of the Governments since!

Nepotism: (Favouritism granted to relatives or friends regardless of merit)

A natural instinct inbred into politicians over the years.

Nonentity: (A person regarded as being of no importance or significance)

An unemployed voter, a member of the proletariat, an NHS patient, an elderly mugged person.

Occulcation: (Act of treading on or trampling underfoot)

A treatment so enjoyed being dished out to the uneducated masses from MP’s

Offshore Accounts:

An essential requirement for all MP’s, even those two who are not on the fiddle. (An investment/ savings bank located outside the country of residence of the depositor, typically in a low tax jurisdiction or tax haven] that provides financial and legal advantages. These advantages typically include: Greater privacy, Bank secrecy, low or no taxation [i.e. tax havens] easy access to deposits (at least in terms of regulation), protection against local political or financial instability.

For further guidance please contact William Hague, David Cameron, Tony Blair, George (‘orrible) Osborne, Gordon Brown, or any of the other fiddling gits!)

Parliament: (A legislature)

A place where MP’s can get up to £500 an hour for attending, subsidised meals, ask questions for money, fiddle their expenses, get their heads down, and vote to give themselves more money.

Personal Assistant: (A well paid slave)

MP’s can have as many of these as they like, and claim for them on expenses. MP’s with a slightly different taste in assistants like Willie Hague and his entourage of male helpers, Lucien, Damien, Tarquin, and Nigella, often utilised the Grand hotel bedroom for consultations, advice, and foible comparisons with them. I’ll miss Hague’s affairs.

DicMickCamPugnacious: (Argumentative)

MPs will argue black is blue with the most placid of people.

Quiescent: (Inactive or still, dormant)

The hopes of the Liberal Democrat Party

Slubberdegullion: (An unemployed person – Riffraff, a slobbering foul individual, a worthless sloven, a pigpen, a jeeter, a tramp, an uncouth slob)

Any MP.

Tatterdemalion: (Anyone who earns less than £50,000 a year – Someone who lives in the gutter and whose only function on this planet is to serve as a warning to others)

Impecunious voters.

Tyrannicide: (Killing of a tyrant)

A wish that many hope will happen to Coalition Ministers.

Dic0001Venality: (The condition of being susceptible to bribery or corruption, the use of a position of trust for dishonest gain)

An unavoidable and untreatable foible of Government Ministers and MP’s.

Voter: (One who casts a vote for or against something)

In the view of the politicians: An idiot.

Inchy’s Letter begging support for David Cameron

Campoint

The magnanimous, pulchritudinous personage of our beloved David William Donald (The Wonder-man) Cameron

Dear Reader,

I have been perturbed lately about the state of health of our beloved unelected Prime Minister, The Right Honourable David William Donald Cameron. Prime Minister of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, Minister for the Civil Service and First Lord of the Treasury, Leader of the Conservative Party, Member of the Cabinet Privy, Council European Council.Salary £148,000 (annual, including £67,060 MP’s salary)

CamOxfordhome

One of his modest homes in Oxford

Mail on Sunday’s disclosure that he paid off the £75,000 mortgage on the £1.5 million home in North Kensington, London that he owns with his wife Samantha, after they took out a £350,000 taxpayer-funded HSBC mortgage on his designated Oxfordshire constituency second home. For his part, Cameron claimed he was able to pay off the mortgage on his London home by selling shares. While within the rules, this is precisely the kind of financial jiggery-pokery for which other MPs have been criticised in recent weeks.

CamMirror

Gossip… just gossip – It’s only been badly mauled that’s all!

But he is still open to the charge that someone who’s clearly worth a few bob was ‘playing’ the system by claiming more than £21,200 from taxpayers in 2005-6, for the mortgage interest paid on his constituency home.

It has been suggested that he could have saved the taxpayer thousands of pounds if he had put the money from the sale of his shares towards his constituency property – a large and comfortable country house – which he bought eight years ago for £650,000. Especially as it is now worth in the region of £1.8million, giving him a substantial paper profit.

Imagine his delight when his eldest son, Arthur, a stockbroker, married Steffie Cooper, a cousin of the Royal Family. This union provides Cameron’s link to the ‘Mad’ King George III, an ancestor he shares with the Queen (his fifth cousin once removed).

The line of ancestors down from these wealthy figures continues through the City. Both Cameron’s grandfather, also called Ewen, who died in 1958 leaving £57,000 (around £1.6million in today’s money), and his father Ian, a former High Sheriff of Berkshire, were stockbrokers.

CamC4

Odd how some of the troops are given him odd looks innit?

Now he has the added problem of who to send our troops to attack next.

All this must be causing him concern.

Therefore, I think the nice gentleman would appreciate a little support from the electorate who didn’t vote him into office.

So last month, I started an appeal for gifts and support for him.

I’ve had to cancel the appeal due to ill health.

Camcyanide

Cyanide capsules – are you the donor?

I’ve managed to send back to the donors, the gas canisters, crossbow, letter-bombs, pipe-bombs, the poisonous ball point hypodermic pen, the exploding cigar, the handkerchief gift box teeming with deadly bacteria, and the poisoned bottle of Cameron’s Whisky.

Unfortunately, the trained assassination budgerigar escaped.

CamC4

Address of donor required please

If the people/person who sent in the C4 could kindly contact me with his/her/their address, I can return it along with the Cyanide capsules sent in.

Nottingham’s next ‘Support for David Cameron is Essential’ association meeting, will take place at in the old BT Telephone box outside the Savoy Hotel, next Wednesday at 1755 hrs.

Thank you.

Bunter Forsythe-Weatheringstone OBE,

Nottingham Castle.

Juan Inchcock’s Confessions

PenningWe thought it was time to explain the reasons behind the lack of  literacy skills, social skills, and demented views of WordPress’s Juan Inchcock Chambers. He’s Thick! He originally realised what rubbish this sad effort was and intended not to post it.

We convinced him to. (Easy how the bribe of promising to send him an email each day for a week so he can imagine he has some friends, can soon influence his mind.)

This ode is now produced with the full permission of the bald headed nincompoop.

 

Explanations to my Friends (Both of them)

Life once seemed party-like, a happy celebration,

Then came the moral decline of our once great Nation,

Greed, jealousy, hatred, spite, bullying and manipulation,

Joined by lying politicians and their de-industrialisation,

Malpractice, unfairness, cheating and deprivation,

Along with narcissism, and spiritual motivation,

Talking down to us moron’s with great obnubilation.

Politicians with no truth, trust, compassion or clarification,

Offering no genuine prospects, only vilification,

They draw from me no praise, just condemnation,

For their treatment of subjects, and their dehumanisation,

Fiddling, to our MP’s is their right and intoxication,

Offering we scum no thought, concern or remediation,

Then I started to suffer from deeper demoralisation.

Like others, I did nothing about it in my pauperisation,

My options remained in the minimisation,

No opportunities arose for revitalisation,

No hopes of any reinvigoration,

My sanity came under confusing disorientation,

My confidence suffered from a mammoth devaluation,

Then I started on the non-prescription medication.

I lost my job, and it’s no exaggeration,

I suffered many a testing trying tribulation,

I Searched for a job, and with underestimation,

Thought getting a job would be in the equation,

Not getting a job through my own ignoration,

Then realised it meant further spiritual annihilation.

Then the medical problems required more tranquillisation,

Now I Suffer from underutilisation,

Now I Suffer from misclassification,

Now I Suffer from criminalisation,

Now I Suffer from oversimplification,

Now I Suffer from proletarianisation,

Now I Suffer from transmogrification,

Now I Suffer from capitalisation,

Now I Suffer from institutionalisation,

Now I Suffer from retardation,

Now I Suffer from trepidation,

Now I Suffer from brutalisation,

Now I Suffer from contamination,

Now I Suffer from suffocation,

Now I Suffer from desperation,

Now I Suffer from many an hallucination,

Now I Suffer from age discrimination,

Now I Suffer from victimisation,

Now I Suffer from pressurisation,

Now I Suffer from verbalisation,

Now I Suffer from lack of materialisation,

Now I’m too sick to consider an occupation!

Doing me blog helps, if I can avoid any aggravation!