The Amazing Mikhail Steedenski Mystery Photographicalisation


Naturally, any mispelling found in this post was dun on purpose like.



Mikhail showing off his talent of transmogrification?

Or should that be transfiguration or transmutation?

Whichever; Marissa, Rachel and Duncan are showing elation,

His ping-pong skills and his 007 imitation,

His shady character, driller or a PC at the station,

His snogging with Shirl, gets no castigation,

I think they others may be about to give him an ovation,

Rachel in red seems to like them, offering her beautiful smile,

Marissa in black, sober and overjoyed for a while?

Duncan’s looks suspicious, thinks this might all be an halucination?

Confusing; might there be a table-tennis match invasion?

What do you make of Mikhail’s skills of duplication?

Can it be he’s an alien from another nation?

Is this they see, an out-of-this-world eerie occasion?

Marissa noted, there was no Claret bottles around Mikhails location,

Could this be true, or just an assignation?

So, she nipped into the house, to his work-station…


Blimey! She found another Mikhail, guzzling wine, some were Malasian,

They instantly formed an affiliation,

Got sozzled, with a healthy enjoyable determination!

Inchcock Today Saturday 13 August 2016: Lovely visit to see Olive


Saturday 13th August 2016

0520hrs: Forced my eyelids to open and mind to activate… with difficulty.

The bits I could remember of the dreams was very sparse. At one part I was being flayed verbally and with a whip and castigated over my bad memory? Mind you, for a change it wasn’t in a bombed out building, nor was I being chased… this was on the deck of a galleon, my oppressors were many and varied, some who I know or have known in real life? And, they appeared, to be fighting and squabbling with each other to get the use of whip? It felt so real, the pain I mean. Later when I had my shower, I found myself checking to see if I had any lashing marks on me from the dreams? Hehe!

Eventually, after I’d depressed myself over the dreams, I got out of the £300 noisy, shaking second-hand recliner and to the wet-room, where the WRHD did not go well at all. Difficulty in passing, blood in the stool and back passage and it took an inordinately long time to complete. Then the stomach started of grumbling again, but nowhere near as back as yesterday morning.

Made a brew, forgot to take the medications, but I remembered later on. Got the kitchen titivated then the laptop on to do the diaries to date. When finishing yesterday’s journal, I had a sudden impulse to do a humorous graphic post and set about doing this on CorelDraw and CorelPaint.It took around two hours or so. This is the header for the funny. Rachel Carerra, Shirley and Mike Steeden and Marissa Bergen. A 

It took around two hours or so. This is the header for the funny post. Rachel Carerra, Shirley and Mike Steeden and Marissa Bergen. A cracklingly attractive and desirable selection of females! (Not including Mike is this statement like) I made it a bit of a Funny Caption/Comment Competition thingie.


Had to nip for another WRWW.

01bOn the way back I looked at the desk with all the paperwork that needed sorting – thought about it, took the medications with some lemon flavoured spring water, made another cuppa and started this diary off.

Should get on with this sorting later actually.

After an hour or so on WordPress, I went to get the Peptac for an extra swig cause the stomach is still playing up. Then realised I had not got the vegetables going in the Crock-Pot! So enjoyed yesterday’s that I tried to put 01dthe same seasonings into this one. A tiny bit of demerara sugar, oregano, mint sauce, vegetable stock and a splash of vinegar. No idea if that was what I used yesterday, but it sounded okay?

The vegetables today were: garden peas, carrots, leeks, red and white onions, orange peppers (Hope they aren’t too strong?). Cleaning afterwards I managed without any effort at all, to cut my finger with the paring knife. It didn’t bleed much, but I did drop the cutting board, and it hit my knee on its way to the floor. So, another pair of jammie bottoms into the already overstuffed, overflowing huge laundry bags! Blooming good job BJ is lifting me to the launderette on Tuesday, bless him.

I’d had been hoping for less Whoopsiedangleplops today as well. Humph!

1120 hrs: Got myself all cleaned up, scrubbed, polished, scented, showered, shaved and fit for my visit to see Olive this afternoon. Spent a lot longer under the shower. Lavender soap was utilised. (Can’t find any more in the shops, this tablet is getting like should be getting, thinner and far less volume – Hehe!) Citrus body spray used, no aftershave, though.

01e1155 hrs: All done! Feeling better now. I went in to weigh myself.

8 oz down! (Well, 7¼ oz then!)

So chuffed about this. Especially after giving up all hope of stopping the daily increase over the past week and finding my superbly conditioned but jelly-like blob of ageing body mould to have increased daily to a higher total by 8lb! Hee ha!

01fInto the kitchen to make a cuppa and take the midday medications and noticed I hadn’t taken the rubbish bins to the chute after sorting the out earlier.

Back on the laptop, it’s still too soon to go and visit Olive yet, as her son, grandson, daughter or granddaughter is taking her shopping this morning.

I put the Feet First appointment for Saturday 17th September at 1400hrs that I made yesterday, onto the Google Calendar.

Checked on the Crock-Pot vegetables cooking and added a spot of mint sauce to the mix as it bubbled away before I realised I’d already put some in. Tsk!

I did some Facebooking on the TFZ site. Two hours or so later, I checked the Crock-Pot and had a taste… still a bit bland, so I added a spoon of concentrated black bean sauce. I’ve no idea what I’m doing here now. Hope it comes out alright in the end.

Got a phone call come in, answered it quickly with a ‘Good Morning’ (Although is was afternoon) – Silence reigned for a few seconds, then a strongly Asian-accented voiced chap or woman began: “And jolly good most morning to you, I am…” I put the phone down. Felt a bit bad afterwards, but with getting so many of these calls that are trying to con or sell me something… Tsk!

Off to see Olive for a laugh, chinwag and cuddle. Rather sadly, I returned to my own apartment, and the vegetables looked to be done to perfection. So, I got the meat in the oven and sliced some pork loin to go with it as an extra treat (Not that I deserved it).

01bCleaned the utensils and put the Crock-Pot porcelain bowl in the sink to soak, and the meal was ready to serve up.

It looked a bit of a generous serving to me… but I guiltily ate it all up with great lip-licking passion.

One of my better efforts (Although a too large meal, Tsk!) A 9.3/10 methinks. Took the evening medications and faded quickly, into the £300 second-hand recliner and put the TV on, channel swapping a lot because I couldn’t make my mind up what to watch.

Around midnight, I awoke from a nod-off and got up for a WRHD… and it proved to be a painful exercise. Stubbed my already blackened toe on the Ottoman, did the job on the porcelain throne bloodily and painfully, dropped my bar of carbolic soap as I washed my hands and clouted my head on the sink as I went down to retrieve it!


Ladies: 122 Reasons why Chocolate is better for you than Sex!

The following advisory information for Women has been supplied by the WBA (Women Bloggers Association), for which thanks and appreciation, are offered.

122 Reasons why Chocolate is better than Sex for Women

The average piece of chocolate is at least, six inches long.
Chocolates stay hard for a week.
Chocolate won’t tell you size doesn’t count.
Chocolates don’t get too excited.
A chocolate never suffers from performance anxiety.
Chocolates are easy to pick up.
You can fondle chocolates in a supermarket – …and you know how firm it is before you take it home.
Chocolates can get away any weekend.
With a chocolate you can get a single room – …and you won’t have to check in as “Mrs. Chocolate”.
A chocolate will always respect you in the morning.
You can go to the movie with a chocolate … and see the movie.
At a drive-in, you can stay in the front seat.
Chocolate can always wait until you get home.
A chocolate won’t eat all the popcorn – … or send you out for Milk Duds.
A chocolate won’t drag you to a John Wayne film festival.
A chocolate won’t ask: “Am I the first!”
Chocolates don’t care if you are a virgin.
Chocolates won’t tell other chocolates you’re a virgin.
Chocolates won’t tell anyone your not a virgin anymore.
With chocolates, you don’t have to be a virgin more than once.
Chocolates won’t write your name and number on the men’s room wall.
Chocolates don’t have sex hangups.
Chocolates won’t make you wear kinky clothes.
Chocolates won’t go to bed with boots on.
Chocolates aren’t into rope or leather.
You can have as many chocolates as you can handle.
You only eat chocolates when you feel like it.
Chocolates never need a round of applause.
Chocolates won’t ask: Am I the best? How was it?
Chocolates aren’t jealous of your Gynecologist, or hairdresser.
A chocolate won’t want to join your support group.
A chocolate never wants to improve your mind.
Chocolates aren’t into meaningful conversations.
Chocolates won’t ask about your last lover – …or speculate about your next one.
A chocolate will never make a scene because there are other chocolates in the refrigerator.
A chocolate won’t mind hiding in the refrigerator when your mother comes.
No matter how old you are, you can always get a fresh chocolate.
Chocolates can handle rejection.
A chocolate won’t pout if you have a headache.
A chocolate won’t care what time of the month it is.
A chocolate never wants to get it on when your nails are wet.
A chocolate won’t give it up for lent.
With a chocolate, you never have to say you’re sorry.
Chocolates don’t leave whisker burns, fall asleep on your chest, or drool on the pillow.
A chocolate won’t give you a hickey.
Chocolates can stay up all night – …and you won’t have to sleep in the wet spot.
Afterwards, A chocolate won’t: want to shake hands and be friends, say, “I’ll call you a cab” or tell you he’s not the marrying kind, call his mother, ex-wife, or therapist!
Chocolates don’t leave you wondering for a month.
Chocolates won’t make you go to the chemist’s.
Chocolates won’t tell you a vasectomy will ruin it for them.
A chocolate a day keeps the OB-GYN away.
A chocolate won’t fill in your crossword incorrectly in ink.
A chocolate isn’t allergic to your cat.
With chocolates, you don’t have to play Florence Nightingale during the flu season.
Chocolates never answer your phone or borrow your car.
A chocolate won’t eat all your food or drink all your alcohol.
A chocolate doesn’t turn your bathroom into a library.
Chocolates won’t go through your medicine chest.
A chocolate doesn’t use your toothbrush, roll-on, or hairspray.
Chocolates won’t leave hair on the sink or a ring in the bathtub.
Chocolates don’t leave dirty shorts on the floor.
A chocolate never forgets to flush the toilet.
A chocolate doesn’t flush the toilet while you are taking a shower.
With a chocolate, the toilet seat is always the way you left it.
Chocolate won’t compare you to a centerfold.
Chocolates don’t tell you they liked you better with long hair.
A chocolate will never leave you, for another woman, for another man, or for another chocolate!
A chocolate will never call and say, “I have to work late, honey.” …and then come home smelling like another woman.
A chocolate never snaps your bra, or pinches your butt!
You always know where your chocolate has been.
A chocolate never has to call “the wife.”
Chocolates never have mid-life crises.
A chocolate won’t leave you for a cheerleader or an ex- nun.
Chocolates don’t play the guitar and try to find themselves.
84: You won’t find out later that your chocolate, is married, is on penicillin, or likes you, but loves your brother!
A chocolate doesn’t have football practice on the day you move.
Chocolates never tell you what they did on R&R.
A chocolate won’t ask for a promotion just when you’re up for a promotion.
Chocolates don’t care if you make more money than they do.
A chocolate won’t wear a leisure suit to your office Christmas party.
You don’t have to wait until halftime to talk to your chocolate.
A chocolate won’t leave town on new year’s eve.
A chocolate won’t take you to a disco and dump you for a flashy outfit.
Chocolates never want to take you home to Mum.
A chocolate doesn’t care if you always spend the holidays with your family.
A chocolate won’t ask to be put through Med school.
A chocolate won’t tell you he’s outgrown you intellectually.
Chocolates never expect you to have little chocolates.
Chocolates don’t say “Let’s keep trying until we have a boy.”
A chocolate won’t insist the little chocolates be raised Catholic, Jewish, or orthodox vegetarian.
A chocolate will never contest a divorce, demand a property settlement or seek custody of anything!
It’s easy to drop a chocolate.
You can Get chocolate.
“If you love me, you’ll swallow that” has real meaning with chocolate.
Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.
You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.
You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.
If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won’t mind.
Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names.
The word “commitment” doesn’t scare off chocolate.
You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working hours without upsetting your work mates.
You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.
You don’t get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.
With chocolate, there’s no need to fake it.
Chocolate doesn’t make you pregnant.
You can have chocolate at any time of the month.
Good chocolate is easy to find.
You can never be too young or too old for chocolate.
When you have chocolate it does not keep your neighbours awake.
With chocolate size doesn’t matter; It’s always good!
Chocolate does not have bad breath!
Chocolate does not fart in bed!
Chocolate doesn’t lie or lay-about!

Inchcock Today Wed 17 Feb 16: Started slow, then got slower!

A lawyer was making his case in a crowded courtroom when he noticed four gentlemen in the back of the room on tip-toes and trying to get a better view.

So the lawyer stood up on a chair and asked if they could see him now, the four men, an Englishman, a Frenchmen, a Spaniard and a German, answer the lawyer in order:

“Yes!” “Oui!” “Sí” “Ja!”!

With thanks to Timothy Price, for forwarding this joke for me to use.


Wednesday 17th February 2016

Gave up trying to sleep and got up around 0110hrs. Had a painful tinkle, made a cuppa and laptop on.

Got on with finishing the Monday diary.

Doing a lot of sneezing this morning, hang on I’ll check the thermometer in the kitchen… 57°f, not good that.G

Did some Facebooking. For a long time.

Checked the emails. Two of the gals that are concerned about my pamphagous eating habits offered advice. Bless their cotton socks.

Then got the bath running and perfumed.

Good soak, during which I listened to the local radio, snow forecast for high ground today. Not a lot it said.

Dried off well, medicated the sickly parts of my immense blubbery body that were in need. Checked the taps were not left on, put the towels in the airing cupboard, cleaned the bath, sink and taps, then adorned my Titanic torso with the day clothes.

JaneOld 01

A young Sister Jane

Rang Sister Jane while I was making a cuppa. Had a natter. Told her I’d doctored and sent a photograph of her earlier, and sent it to her via email, from when she was about two years of age.

I hope that cheers her up a bit.

Got the laptop out of sleep mode and checked the rest of the emails.

Realised I’d left my bob-cap in the WC, went to retrieve it and found I’d left the heater on again. Lovely and warm in there now, Tsk!

I got CorelDraw opened, and started a graphicalisation I’d been hoping to start for ages.

NCCwalk01I was checking some old stuff for graphics that I did years ago and found a word I’d not used for even longer. Phlyarologist! That describes me to a tee!

The graphicalisationing took me the whole day – and a bit of guilt at getting nowt else done or sorted!

BJ rang me, to confirm he’s coming in the morning to go to the Coffee tenant 01W02meeting with me. no idea what to expect from it.

I got to the WC and no blood from Little Inchy, rare but good that.

Had four Soda bread slices toasted, two with Marmite, Two with Blackcurrant Jam.

Collapsed in the chair and occasionally dozed for short periods, kept waking up with ideas to get something done, but nodded off again each time. Tsk!

So, managed to wake long enough to take me medications, and the odd trip to the bathroom. Things are getting a bit hard in passing again. If it’s the same in the morning, I’ll take a Senna tablet with my morning medications.

Put the A-Team DVD in the telly thingy, and that did the trick.

Nodded off nicely!

Old Photograph from Rachel, Mike and Inchcock?

 When Shirley was throwing Mikes empty Claret bottles away,

She has to use Pickfords, there’s so many nowaday,

She came across this photo, obviously from a long gone day,

Was it depicting any naughties or horseplay?

If anyone knows, please let her know today! 


If Rachel still has the outfit, Inchcock would appreciate a visit from her wearing it again. Please give him advanced warning if agreeable so he can get some extra medications in.


Inchcock Shows Signs of Contentment – Investigation to follow…

Unheard of Inchcock Symptoms Disclosed!

Medical experts and fellow bloggers today found out that Inchcock was showing signs of Contentment this morning.

A stand-by rapid response team was despatched to his flat on the 12th floor in Nottingham post haste. Led by Duncan Robertson head of the Inchcock Support and Containment Squad of the Satirist’s Blogger Union.


Gary Hoadley delayed by unforeseen circumstances

Unfortunately the Inchcock Support and Containment Squad of the Satirist’s Blogger Union’s Riot Controller Gaz Hoadley (22) could not respond with the team due to his return home from his holiday in New York being delayed by unforeseen circumstances.


The Inchcock Support and Containment Squad of the Satirist’s Blogger Unionists Members preparing to go into battle to save Inchcock by adorning protective equipment.

The team, all worried about Inchcock’s attack of Contentment were soon on the scene.

Inchcock Gazette reporter Kentucky Angel interviewed Duncan as the Inchcock Support and Containment Squad of the Satirist’s Blogger Unionists were preparing themselves to enter Inchcock’s premises: She asked him why it was taking so long to gain entry?

“There are so many dangers in their Angel. Many unknown to those not within the bloggers circle – we must protect ourselves from diseases not commonly encountered and obstacles within the premises, I know I been in there! also to avoid catching anything ourselves…”

“What do you mean?”


Inchcock’s Grabbers – A Danger!

Well we have make sure me know where his walking stick and three grabbers are located to avoid falling over them you see.

Also we must know where his medications, and used pads, bandages and elastica are stored.

And, we are sure of his current condition you see… if he’s come back to his usual depressed, moronic, not knowing what’s going on condition there will be no worries or need for us to offer assistance – but if he’s still on a high and showing signs of fitness, healthiness or happiness then we are in trouble and may lose him altogether I’m afraid. His metabolism and brain are just not used to contentment or optimism, I’m sure he could not cope with any of these emotions unless of course they are drug induced..”

At this Duncan passed the supply of DDT to Rachel Carerra (18¼) the Inchcock Support and Containment Squad of the Satirist’s Blogger Unionists Accountant & Massage Specialist she quoted; “This could be dangerous, but Inchcock by being the crappiest, worst pathetic blogger of all time in a round about way supports and improves the standing of all of our members and other satirists you see. So we’d sooner he didn’t snuff it yet, until we find someone as bad as him to take over the mantle – and of course he still owes £20,450.26 to our bookkeeper and vehicle acquirement officer Danny Soz (19¾) who is here with as much if not more concern for the lad Inchcock (79).”


Shirley Blamey & Mike Steedenski were requisitioning essential supplies for the squad

At this Danny Soz chipped in: “I care about the imbecile more than most do. And what would Lidl and the NHS do without him?” He rolled a Golden Virginia fag in a an MOT certificate and continued: “His fading with age short-term memory has been a boost the to Inchcock Support and Containment Squad of the Satirist’s Blogger Unionist’s bank balance. The missus would surely miss him if he has another heart attack trying to cope with the excitement any unnatural to him feeling of contentment, enthusiasm, fulfilment or pleasure… we stop this at all costs, especially the costs to my bank balance…” At this he coughed on his roll-up, took a swig from his absinthe flask and asked where the hell was Shirley Blamey (Not saying, Social Events Secretary) and Mike Steedenski (24 Health advisor) anyway? Do they not care about fellow blogger Inchcock? (Fellow members of the  Inchcock Support and Containment Squad of the Satirist’s Blogger Unionists) Rachel Carerra explained that both of them were commandeering essential supplies for the  Inchcock Support and Containment Squad of the Satirist’s Blogger Unionists squad, and she was concerned for his safety.

She then questioned the absence of the  Inchcock Support and Containment Squad of the Satirist’s Blogger Unionist’s (Music Director and Supermom Marissa Bergen 16½,)


Marissa, delayed a the bar in the airport in Newcastle

It transpired that she was last seen at Newcastle airport. However they did receive a message from the Northumbria Police that he had been released on bail and her methadone had been returned to her.

We understand that the Prime Minister has been informed along with Interpol and the NHS Psychiatric Unit. Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt has since contacted Minister of Works & Pensions Ian Duncan Smith to see if anything could be done about avoiding the news of this Inchcock phenomenon getting out onto the web.

AndyBreaking News:

Just in from the Nottingham Perverts Monthly.

Inchcock was seen this evening outside of a ladies shop ogling at the headless models in the window. In the rain, looking miserable and with odd socks on.

So, all back to normal then?

Well… Thank heavens for that!