I only wanted a shave and shower! – How hard can that be?

Having a Shave and Shower…

I wanted to be presentable, to visit Olive in flat eighty-two,

Thought: I’ll take a shower and shave, that’s what I’ll do,

Then I had to have a session on the loo,

Good job I’d used the lemon scented Toilet-Bloo,

Readied for the best shave a man can get, it must be true,

The Gillette razor, two blades and Hydration Moisturiser mark two!

Moments later, I felt like Victor Meldrew, too

Much blood was drawn, a scar left my ear-lobe all askew,

 But I got the after-shave & TCP on it, it’d stop soon I knew.

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I went to move the shower chair – a dizzy and before I knew,

I was entangled in it and to the fall I flew,

Hit the wall with my head, now all bestrew,

Some doctoring I had to do,

TCP applied to the, that made me say Ooh!

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Luckily, no blood was drew (Bad English bit it’ll do for you),

Moved the chair and back in the showering to do,

My language was rather I admit, rather blue,

The pump gurgled, why it does this I never knew,

Applied the carbolic soap and honeydew,

Scrubbed away singing, the words of which I knew few,

The lump on my head swelled and grew,

A headache bad, but no hiatus or issue,

Soon I would be at Olives, so from the shower, I withdrew.

Citrus underarm sprayed, the Brut lid I couldn’t unscrew,

The toothpaste top was a bit hard to undo,

Sit-ups, press-ups and squats, each one hundred and twenty-two,

Shadow boxed and handstands like daily I do,

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Changed into me best togs, mainly in Sky-blue,

Rushed off to see Olive, for who my love is true!

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Doctors say at our ages, passions, we should subdue?

I say, thanks and but from this advice we just may Eschew!

I fank you!