Inchcock: Saturday 19th November 2022

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Yet another sleepless night for the old man! Men’s Day UK as well! If any non-man is interested, I’ll be in all day, should you want to pop over. Oh, never mind then! Hehe!

Just after midnight, I was finishing off the Friday blog, and I decided to make a mug of Glengettie tea and dunk some of the Biscoff caramelised biscuits. Take a break, you know?
It didn’t quite work out like that. Nothing unusual in that for me… but this time, the mess I made of it is worthy of mentioning. Mayhap they could make a comedy series out of it. Humph!
I may as laugh about it now… Although I didn’t at the time, though! Here goes, “Inchie decides to make some tea…”
⓿ Took the cold mug of tea to the kitchen, put the kettle on, washed the mug, warmed it and got the Glengettie tea bag ready to use. All without any hassle…
❶ Kettle boiled, made the mashing, stirred it well left it to brew. As I turned around to check that I’d not left the tap running, my sleeve caught the cup as Pete shook the right arm.
❷ The mug travelled via my dressing gown and jammies and hit the most painful area available, smack onto my Bouncing against the bottom of the cupboard, and broke into several pieces.
❸ The hot water began to seep through my thick jammies, and I had to remove them sharpish! However…
❹ I rushed at it, well, I had to… and lost my balance as I lifted the second leg out of the jammie bottoms… ending up with a thud and on my backside on the wet floor!
❺ I had to crawl on all fours into the computer room to use the recliner to haul myself back up on my feet. During which…
❻ I knocked a bottle of Spring water off of the ottoman. It didn’t break or spray or even leak… but it did land on my other damned !!!
❼ When I got painfully up onto the plates again, my balance was all over the place, but I managed to limp, hobble and carefully get back to the kitchen to clean up the broken crockery and mop the floor.
❽ Trying to clean a floor and manipulate the mop and bucket, as well as using Metal Micky to keep your balance, is no mean feat! And I managed to stub a toe, Twice cleaning up the mess! In fact, a .
❾ I coped somehow, got the bucket & mop back in the wet room, and I made my way to the medications on the Carer’s table. I struggled to get the Germolene onto my toes and took two Codeine 50g tablets to ease the pain.
❿ I decided it was time to sit quietly for a while. I knew that sleep would not be an option. And for a couple of minutes, I sat there with my eyes closed, and the started!
❶❶ Then, just when I was getting over the scares, fears and worries, the kicked in. I just had to get up and check that I’d not left any taps running or puddles of tea to slip over…
After checking in the wet room and kitchen, I seemed to be getting unbothered by how things had gone. It was, I imagine, what taking drugs is like, I became light-headed and unnaturally almost carefree?
This lasted for about half an hour or so. I was back on the computer, and I was doing so well with the typing. I knew where the icons and hidden assist were without having to check in the book I made of them for CorelDraw… I was starting the graphics to use in the Health Checks. Then it was as if some git turned off the light in my head; everything returned to confusion and memory blanks. I think the outside graphic box specification, which I’d used ten minutes earlier, and found I had no idea how to get at it again?

I must get someone to phone one of the Help Line numbers given to me by the Nuthall Hospital; Just to talk to someone who might know and understand the problems that bring with her. To know that others struggle too… Oh, I don’t know…

I’ll stop now and give the blogging a break. It’s getting more stressful every day, but much worse this morning, of course knocking the mug of Glengettie over, burning your own belly and legs, making and having to sort out a mess, twice stubbing one’s ingrowing toenails after dropping the mug on one of them… and having to face Esther on Monday, having no warm dressing gown to put on now… may have contributed to my current . Did you see that? The Thought Storms are coming from my fingers now as I type!

What was I going to do? Ah, I’ll get the done. A stand-up job, of course. /it’s far too early to use the noisy shower and disturb my neighbours. Ah, well, I’m sick of hearing myself complain
Hi-Ho, it’s off to the wet room I go, then…
I faffled about getting some clothing to get into after the ablutionalisationings were all done and dusted with.
Took me a while to get the socks I required, I knew in the cubby-hole I had a few pairs of the long black bamboo diabetic socks. But the other day, Esther put some socks in there after doing the laundry and mixed up my organised layout, and all the footwear was mixed up.

acci-whoop Of course, I got all the short socks together to move back to the front left and showed her skills, and I dropped all eleven pairs! Having to keep bending started off… it was too late by then, but I went and got a picker upperer to use. Which separated the paired socks, and then I had to sort them back into sets and get them back in the cubby hole.
Took the shirt, trousers and the nearly dried but partially damp tea-covered dressing gown to the airer in the hall and got the others into the wet room.
It was when I was brushing my teeth that I realised I’d still not got the diabetic bamboo sock from the cubby hole.
That was the first of the three bleeding incidents during the ablution session; I rushed to get the teeth finished, and the blood flowed from the last broken tooth.
Out of the lovely warm heater-on-full wet room, into the cold rubbish room, and got the bamboo socks. No sleep, nothing much gone right… I was getting het-up again! And it was so cold out there in the other room.
Got the saving started; I used the four-bladed razors, thinking it would be quicker. Then, I changed to a two-blader to shave the back of the neck

As I looked in the shaving mirror, there appeared to be a blood flow from somewhere at the back? I got the camera out to try and see what it was by photographing as best I could to look at the viewer. But I could not locate the source of the blood.
Cunningly (and stupidly), I dabbed some Brut aftershave on toilet paper as far as I could reach around my neck. That solved the issue! Boy, did I jump! But it did the job and stopped the flow.
Then, seconds after checking on the annoyingly bothersome scab from last Wednesday’s burnt finger, got knocked off against the seat raiser corner…
I believe I may have used some naughty language at this stage, as the blood ran down my leg and foot onto the wet room floor. Luckily I still had loads of toilet paper to hand from using it on the tiny-teeny-weeny little nick on the back of my neck shaving.

The leg’s DVT spider and saphenous vein look rather artistic this morning. They were bulging or swollen with it today, though so little snippets of good news are welcome here in the Woodthorpe Court mental institute.

After medicating various delicate areas and using the talc’ and the roll-on deodorant, it was time for the big challenge.
Getting the knee-high bamboo socks on without using sock glide, Glenda!
I feared for my newly opened-up scab on the finger… There is no way I could risk Glenda nipping, trapping or squashing it. I was dubious of my ability to get these extra-long socks on without Glenda, but I was determined to – if I could!
acci-whoop It was a mixed-result session. I banged my head and then my arm against the door as I got my bulbous-shaped body into the corner of the room. Not sure how I managed to do it, but I stayed on my feet?  Naturally, a . I’d still have to get the PP’s and trousers on; getting them on is not exactly a walk in the park nowadays.
Well, the long socks and PPs were on; I then tackled the jumper and trousers. Huh! Easy-peasy!

I’ve not done the Health checks yet. So, I will!

Well, the body temperature result was most pleasing.


The Blood Pressure was surprising to me anyway, up back in the Hypertension – 2 Red areas? What? Why? How?

The Sys was only 138. in the green as well.
Ah, the DIA was well up on yesterday’s 82 at 92, wasn’t it? Mmm!
Fair enough, then.

The Pulse was high as well.

Ah! You win them all, can you? Well, I can’t, anyway. Hehehe!

I’d better get back on the computer and make a start on finalising the Friday blog. Not too much to do with it, being as I didn’t get to sleep, and I seemed to be in a virtually virulent mood in my work last night.
Virulent? I’ll check to see if that’s the right word.
Apparently, it was the wrong word.
I’d love to remember which word I was thinking of using in the first place.
Methinks the concentration is already crumbling. I must try to get caught up with some sleep.

08:30hrs: Burst forth in tune. And Carer Chirpy Charley bounced into the room. In a rush, she was late.
Got the medications sorted out. We had a mini-natter, treats were given in thanks, and off Charley flew.
For some reason, possibly induced and prompted by , I thought it was evening, and followed Charley to the door and locked it, as I should at night. Although, the key-safe; is still unopenable to the carers and me? Which could prove fatal if I have another strike and no one can get in to rescue my muscular-ripped, tall, athletic body after a tumble or stroke?
I must mention this to ILC, Tightrope-walker, and Warden this Monday. Oh! Also, I must ask her to read the multi-paged leaflets and instructions from the Coppice Hospital I have to digest. But the important bit is the things I have to take with me, the time etc. Not to mention I have to arrive ‘Not Late – but no earlier than 5-minutes
? And to book an Easy-Link lift.
There is a list of about five organisations, that I may use to ask for help over the long waiting period for the hospital appointment. I need help on which one to use cause I feel I do need support over this. The print on the paperwork is just too small for me to read.

It’s no wonder that Deana is ducking & diving from me, and I can’t get to talk to her. Hahaha!

I realised I should not have locked the door when Carer Charley left, and I went to put things right.
Found two bags of rubbish that had not been taken to the chute for me. I told you she was in a rush tonight… I mean, this morning.

Well, would you believe it?
Liberty-Global’s $23.7 million salaried boss, Mr Fries, has failed to get a connection to Nottingham yet once again!
I wonder if he still gets his annual bonuses and expense account? I mean, good luck to him. How many incompetent smoke and mirror men and number-crunchers like him get can earn so much for failing miserably?
No wonder he told the UK Virgin people to never mention Liberty-Global to any customers when they ring in to complain… is it? No good; I’m going to try blogging again later, Mr Fries.

I’ll get some nosh and try to get some precious sleep caught up with. Fingers crossed! Oh, food first!

Warmed two part-baked bread rolls in the oven, and I cooked a microwave oven- ready-meal in the microwave. No problems with the timing, and they were both ready at the same time (9-minutes).
One of the mini-pots of lemon-flavoured yoghourts. Atr it slowly, enjoying every forkful and spoonful! 9.15/10, Flavour! Of course, I added some vegan BBQ sauce to the vegetables and gravy. Washed the pots, and I got down in the recliner.

Into a deep sleep that was, I believe, unbroken. It felt like I had been resting peacefully for many hours when roused me back into ersatz life.
The tune rang out; it was Carer Ty. He was in a rush too. He said he’s had his mobile for three years; and had just dropped it and cracked the perspex, which annoyed the lad so, as is to be expected. I asked him to take the waste bags with him, “No problem!” Thanked him.

I got confused again and thought it was morning, but it was still night! I’m getting fed up with this scenario!

Got the medications and asked him if he could check the taps in the wet room and in the kitchen, along with anything left cooking in the oven. “No problem!” Thanked him. After he departed, I noticed that the bags were still there near the door. No taps were checked. Well, I said he was in a rush. Hehe!

As it was only about 20:00hrs, I took the bags to the waste chute.
No finger trapping, toe-stubbing or walking into anything. Although when I bent down to retrieve the dropped Metal Micky, it was
acci-whoop: As I was reaching down to grab the stick, a mini came on. It only lasted for literally a few seconds, but it could have been almost fatal had I gone over and hit my head on the heavy iron chute drawer.
Still, I didn’t take a tumble as I thought I was going to. That was because of my cunning avoidance tactics! I leant into the nearest part of the wall, and as I did so, the involuntary leg dance stopped dead in its tracks. As I had to get back to the flat yet. Hahaha!

I mused over the two incidents where I became confused as to what time of day it was. This regularly seems to happen to me when I am woken up by either the doors , or when above starts his banging and clanging.
GC Humph 01My musing moved on to the Hospital appointments and the genuine fear of the Cataract operation, and the first Memory and Mentally-Affected assessments at the Nuthall Hospital will arrive on the same day. what are the odds of that? Not as high as you would think, knowing my luck.
I tried to stop the mind-wandering and depressing moments of self-doubt and insecurity.

MedPhorpainAs I started to get deep into the quagmire of self-pity and self-hating, the started off in both lower legs. That really didn’t help at all. I  massaged, and Phorpain gelled the legs, giving it plenty of energy and a good massaging.
Of course, it didn’t help! So I took yet another extra Codeine, 30g. Else it may be the third night of no sleep if   gets as nasty with me again. !

I started the routine again. Got down in the £300, bought eight years ago from the second-hand shop, Harold Haemorrhoid testing, repugnantly beige-coloured, crumb containing, virus-breeding, acne-giving, rickety, itch-producing, none-working recliner.

The flourished. Sleep stood no chance!

May the blessedness of Good Luck befall You!

Inchcock: Friday 11th November 2022

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04:30hrs: I can’t tell you I woke up cause I never got to sleep! Because I had   For all night long! I was forever getting up to stretch the calves, massage them and dollop on and rub in the Phorpain Gel. MedPhorpain
And take painkillers. I meandered into the kitchen to get the kettle on for a mug of Glengettie tea. I took these photos from the window; in two different settings, and the second came out much better than the first one did. But can I remember which settings?
Made a brew of the Glengettie, left the bag to marinate well, and I sorted out the waste bin bags. Had a wee-wee and cleaned and disinfected the NWWB (Nocturnal-Wee-Wee-Bucket)
To the computer with the tasty strong mug of black tea and photographed the calves; they were coming down, the carves were easing off now. As long as I do not spend too much time inactive, I hope they will stop twisting my legs. I can’t understand why they played up so much last night and just didn’t stop for about nine hours? However, they seem to have had a calming effect on the able ulcer; I could hardly see it this morning. Hey-Ho!
Finished the tea… ah, now that might be a possible reason for the bad Cramps. I’d run out of Glengettie teabags and not had any for a day or two until they were delivered yesterday. And had drunk a number of mugs last night? But I’ve never heard of that before? I’ll look it up later.

I’ll get the Health Checks done. hopefully, the results will again be in the Amber Zone? We shall soon find out…

Back up again!

Still, it’s better than Wednesdays!

I set to getting the Thursday post done, and after half an hour, I could feel the cramps building up in the calves again. So, I had a walk around and did some stretching exercises, which seemed to work for me.
Which reminded me to have a look on the web for tea and cramps. Back in a while…

Carbonated drinks, caffeine, and aerated drinks should also be avoided during menstrual days because they have high levels of sugar in them, which can cause inflammation and make the cramps more severe.

No mention of tea there, then?
I started reading another page, and it said: 13 more ways to stop period cramps. I moved on…
I altered my queries to “What to drink when legs are cramping?”
Black tea is safe to drink. When he switched to plain black tea, the symptoms disappeared within a week. The scientist who reported this case pointed out that the flavouring in Earl Grey tea is bergamot oil, which can block the movement of potassium in muscles. This can lead to muscle cramps and twitches.
Well, Glengettie is black tea. So that should be safe, then.

  Came in. She looked very tired, but I bored her with tales of my past Whoopsiedangleplops, which brought some smiles. She got the medications handed out.  A can of the new Carer’s treat I got from Asda. Rum & Cola, with strawberry. And a choccy bar in thanks. Took the waste bag with her as she departed! I thank you!

I was making another brew of Glengettie, and Esther came in.
she called int ogive me the change from the overpayment.

I’m going to get the ablutions done now… then get something to eat, and try to get caught up with some sleep… Pleeease! Sweet Morpheus!

I got sidetracked when I saw the wonderful evening sky from the kitchen window and decided they would be worth photographicalisationing.
The hue was so different. Bootiful!

I stripped and put the clobber in the laundry basket, well, bag.

I got into the bathroom, and the ablutioning went well, other than two things.

❶ I managed to get several nicks shaving, and they were a devil to stop bleeding. (Possible Warfarin INR level low?)
❷ After it all was washed and medicated and dried... I did feel like l a fool… I came out and put trousers and day-wear on to go to sleep in!. So I had to changed back into the jammies! Tsk!

🍽️ I got the meal sorted out.
That veggie minced beef & onion pie was gorgeous tasting! Brilliant vegan pastry.
Potatoes, tomatoes, and a pot of the soya lemon yoghourt. My regulation issue of BBQ sauce added, of course.
A well-worthy 8.2/10 for Taste-Rating.
As I got into the aged, grotty-looking c1966 made, charity-shop-bought, horribly beige-coloured, £300, Harold’s Haemorrhoid-testing, non-operational, acne-giving, virus-breeding, rickety, easy-to-fall-out-of recliner, I think I felt the start of a visit from ! I offered a prayer to anyone or thing interested, not to have another agony-ridden sleepless night.
Then thought it wise, to massage the legs.
Dolloped some Phorpain gel and rubbed it in well, and I took two paracetamol. Got back down again.
I’ve no idea if it really helped, but by Jimminee – once I got to sleep, I had the longest unbroken kip I’ve managed for years! (This should not be surprising, I suppose, considering last night’s total absence of sleep?) Damned nearly 8 hours before I woke up!
Sleep at last! Grrreat!.

Inchcock: Friday 30th September 2022

TODAY’s CARTOON
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ODE OF THE DAY

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NEMO MORTALIUM OMINBUS HORIS SAPIT

04;30hrs: I woke, but not time for  Thought Storms, self-pitying, or passing the usual wind… For the  was desperately needed, I frantically farted about and somehow made it to the Throne in time, just. The evacuation took about 30 seconds, and it was all over. Minor bleeding, but not a lot. No effort from me was needed; it was all passed in auto-mode.
Besides the regulation cuts shaving, everything went so well that it worried me. However, on leaving the wet room, I did a Master-Class Top Quality, Damned painfully . Right on the edge of the door as I was closing it! Of course, it didn’t bother me at all, being the brave, heroic sort of young man that I am. Ahem!

Off to the kitchenette to make a brew of J. Sainsbury’s Extra Strong Brown Label tea.

But the morning’s views from the window caught my good eye.
It was raining and appeared so different to what it normally is.
Out came the Lumix; I offered up a prayer that it would fail me again and took these shots. The second one was taken through the bottom portion of the window. I tried different modes from the SCN options. But didn’t do very well. Although the last one was not too bad, I’m not claiming it is good, mind you.

As I was taking the last shot, an even more urgent than the first one needed for the
. This time a totally changed mode of evacuation again! Rock hard, reluctant and bloody painful. The cracks in the ceiling counted up to 46 this visit.
I spent an hour updating the Thursday blog and a further 45 minutes putting photographs on Pinterest.

Then got the seen, starting with the temperature and Blood Pressure. Roughly the same as yesterday’s results.
The NHS site indicated that the Blood Pressure was almost down in the Amber zone. The Excel graphs have broken the run of reds, and it looks much better now!

The Body Temperature has come down nicely, too! It’s taken a while for it to tumble… but all fine now!

I checked the flat repeatedly for safely leaving, lights, oven, windows, taps, heaters etc.

Jodie arrived and got the medications sorted out for me. The regulation treats accepted. ♥

Herbert above was giving me some banging, tapping and knocking. But I knew I’d soon be going out, so it didn’t bother me so much.

Then I spotted how the weather had changed so quickly. To fog!

As it turned out, I foolishly got the Lumix out of my coat pocket to take these two pictures. The first straight ahead, and the second one of the car park below on Chestnut Walk.

Oh, I’d better get ready for the bus trip. Tried to make sure I’d got everything needed, pen, mobile, hearing-aids and batteries… but I’ll tell you now, I forgot to put the camera back in my pocket!

I got down and waited for the EasyLink bus. The lady was lovely, and we chatted, and we were soon in Riverside, Bulwell. As she dropped me off, she said the pick-up was at 15:30hrs! I was sure Deana had asked them to make it for 13:30hrs? The lady said just ring us if you want it earlier, and if we can, we will do it. Fair enough. Of course, I forgot to ask her for the number!

Up in the lift, and all the others were in the room, the meeting was starting. I gave a cheery “Good morning each”, displaying my bestest smile. Humph! No one answered.
The usual thing was that so many of us could not hear everything the tutor was saying. He just carried on in the same tone when I pointed this out.
When he was talking about the exercise details of what we need to do… I could not resist letting myself talk out: “Well, on Wednesday, my morning Carer arrived just after I’d collapsed onto the floor… I went down to get the bus that did not arrive. I went back up to the flat, took off my outer clothes, and rang Easy-Link, who told me they were due at 10:00hrs. I dashed about to get dressed again. Caught the bus to the doctor, who told me that I didn’t have an appointment today. The Doctor gave me the flu jab. I had to walk back to Sherwood. Catching the bus back up the hill, I missed the step. The driver and passengers got me back on my feet. Now, I think that was a reasonable amount of exercise, bearing in mind that I had a fight with the sock glide and lost when I got into the flat? (I kept a straight face throughout) And I got the best bout of laughter from the patients for it! Although a couple on the other side just furrowed their brows and looked confused, the educator Nathaniel’s glare should really have melted me on the spot!
The best moment of the day for me, this was!

But, of course, there were bad things on the horizon going to happen that would send me back into a Dracula Depression.

I was last to leave and made my way in the windy weather that had got up into Bulwell Market to have a delve into the shops.
Going into the shops was a mistake. A shopaholic should never risk it when he has his bank card. A financial disaster! In the B&M store, I got some drinks for the nurses, Wardens and Carers. Different ones, I like to tweak their interest. I came out of the shop with two big bags full of stuff! Babycham, cokes, disinfectant, snacks, chocolates, mini wines, and biscuits (A lot of them!)
As I turned from the checkout and the dangerously overloaded with the two bags hanging on the handles of the walker, I realised there was a min-rainstorm out there!

I was soaked to the skin in minutes. People were running into shops to escape the wind and rain, and the Market Stalls were abandoned. I got out the umbrella, and with needing both hands to control the walker-trolley in the howling wind, this was an impossibility. So I just had to get wetterer!
What could I do? So I went into the Heron Foods store. I came out with non-alcoholic drinks (I0), a Korean black bean Chilli. (I still don’t know why I did that), lemon desserts, black bags and Skinny Whips for the Carers. Came out, and the rain and wind were no better, so I took cover in the Iceland Shop. Tsk! Black bags, rice, Orange flavoured Wagon Wheels (they were for me!), Zoflora, and Party Ring biscuits.

This is where I thought I could get some smashing shots of the abandoned stalls, people running this way and that, and the atrocious weather. I got outside again, and the weather was worse than ever! The Market Place looked like a bomb site as the wind blew the emptied stalls all over. I tried to hasten back to the shelter of the Riverside Venue to get under cover, at least. But controlling the three-wheeler with all that weight on it, there was more weight now as the carrier bags filled with rainwater! Then I realised I’d forgotten to take the camera with me! Wot an Idiot!

Fighting to keep control, I walked into a massive puddle; I had no choice in the matter. The way the wind went, so did I! The shoes filled up with the cold rain. Eventually, I got into the building. And walked through to the car park entrance. Checked the time, and I still had over an hour to wait for the Easy-Link bus to arrive.

The waiting area inside had these massive automatic sliding doors for exit and ingress. The rain and wind continued! And those sliding doors never stopped opening and closing, even when no one was near them. I was chilled to the bone, wet and miserable.

Also, when I got the crossword book out to have a go at during my marathon wait for the lift, it was soaked through. Not surprising, really. But it did annoy me a bit.

When the minibus arrived, and the driver chap came in, boy was I happy! I could have kissed him, but didn’t! He was not a natural natterer, so a silent journey, apart from me talking. But, he cheered up when we got back to the flats. When I gave him a choice of drinkies from the trolley bag.

All I wanted to do, was to get a mug of tea and dried off. BUT NO!
There in the foyer, hands on her hips and looking threatening was Warden Julie. “They’re waiting for you in the salon, you’ve got yer feet appointed, and that was for over an hour ago!”
I couldn’t argue or even bother to explain the reason for my being late; I was drained and very damp. She kindly frog-marched to the salon. Not really, but it sounded good, dinnit? Just walked with the dripping trolley and soaked all over in the squelching shoes as fast as I could to the salon.
I don’t think the nail-cutter was very happy at having to stay on longer to do me. I did explain to her why I was late, but it didn’t raise a smile, get me out of her hatred zone, or even get any comment after telling her.
She did speak to me after cutting two of my toes. She only nobbled one last time? She told me I  now had two ingrowing toenails. From start to finish, she did the job in less than five minutes? I was certainly in pain from the normal toenails she cut; the last toe that she cut; made me jump. I said a naughty word! Shame!
Usually, I offer them a drinkie, but the cans were in the water in the carrier bags, and I didn’t know which one anyway. I’ll take some down for them next week. Paid the £25 demanded, with my last £30. Telling the lady at the desk, who owns the salon, about how I struggle to find pound coins to pay the Easy-Link with, and she gave me Five coins instead of a fiver. x

Got back into the flat at long last. Got the wet clothes off, drained the carrier bags, and sorted out the purchases bought.
Disinfectants wot I got. The Fabulosa washing scent stuff stunk awful to me, but the Carer loved it?

Ah, the treats here, each and every one a new variety. No, they are!

I can’t understand why I bought those Mexican beans in chilli? They’re bound to be too hot for me! That Dairy-Free spread looks worth a try.

Chestnut mushrooms. Sausages for Richard on Monday, and I’m looking forward to trying that Korean BBQ-flavoured rice. I’ll ask Richard to help me break them up.
I got on the computer about six hours ago, and am still on it doing this blog, now. Apart from when Sam (I think) called. Some names I can remember… but not many. Got me sorted and chose one of the new drinkies and a Chunky White Milky Bar for nibbles in thanks.

I pressed on until I started getting the shivers, obviously, from getting soaked through earlier.
I shall get something to eat and call it quits. I’ll have to finish this in the morning… There’s a thought, I hope I get a Carer, it’s Saturday innit tomorrow.
Back in the morning… I hope!

A sad meal was made up. A veggie burger on three uncut sliced cobs, and I sliced up some of Jenny’s donated tomatoes. ♥ And a banana for afters. Not the best looking or appetizing meals I’ve done, but I was in pain and so weary. The Taste-Rating of 3.5/10. But most likely, this low score was due to my state of Health. I can’t smell things very well now with the cold coming on. I’m still shivering cold, sniffling, stabbing away at me, and the feet are so painful, it’s hard to believe! To counter the discomfort, I took an extra Codeine and a Hemp capsule. Sleep will help as much as anything, I think. After the care calls, I’ll get myself settled in the second-hand, £300, charity shop bought, crumb-retaining, microorganism-producing, smell-retaining, gungy beige coloured, none-working, incommodious, Haemorrhoid Harold testing, c1968 recliner, and if it’s not on, turn on the TV, in hopes that it will help me get to sleep. It normally does; I’ll nod off when the commercials come on screen.

Ad KI was checking the SD file before turning off the computer, and I found the one on the left was on the SD card.

The Mystery Photo of the Month?

I know what I think it might have just been, but that would have been a physical impossibility. Does anyone have any thoughts on the subject? Obviously, a shot was taken by mistake?

18:25hrs: Jodie, I think it was, but you never know for sure – Well, I don’t anyway! Sad, innit? I was watching an episode of ‘Heartbeat’ at the time she arrived, and I was almost dropping off. Hehehe!
Got the tablets issued. The Carer put my socks on… not on herself, on me. Hehe! I think I’ve made a mess of this? Might have been Sam? We had a chat then, she chose some treats, and she took the waste bag to the chute on her way out.

I settled to watch the second episode of Heartbeat. During which I estimate I nodded off about eight or nine times. Ruined the viewing.
The next time I woke up was about an hour later.
I turned off the TV, assured now that I would soon be in the Land of Nod within minutes, which I was!

, I bounded back awake, convinced I’d left the hot water tap running! I rose painfully onto my feet. The feet and toes were giving me some bother and a half!
mainly. The knees seemed to have given way to the new Unguis incarnates pains. Off into the kitchenette, no tap running, then I went into the wet room to check there and shoulder-charged the doorframe going in. This got going; the toes were getting worse, and
after all that, the hot tap was not running.
Not that that was the end of the little mental pandemonium known as , Oh, no!
Back in the £300, second-hand, c1968, cringingly-beige-coloured, not-working, rickety recliner, without the slightest chance of nodding off again, due to the hurting and activities of !
But nothing could stop the Thought Storms from raging into life. This triggered the . As far as recall, I got up to check the fridge and freezer doors, and the oven had not been left on, and then if the front door had been locked.

Each trip was making the toes more painful! Thus even less chance of dropping off to sleep now!
I elapid there, train to think of something I could concentrate on to avoid the Thought Storm messages. I made a story up, a comedy, with relative to me failures and Whoopsiedangleplops on it. The feet were now getting the attention of Colin Cramps!
I think I might have been about to fall asleep, for the Thought Storms had gone offline in my brain. And I started sneezing hard and often. Of course, this set off , and I gave up any hopes of sleep, all together. I dare not take any more painkillers today… or yesterday as it is now.

Not one of my betterer days!

Inchcock Today: Thursday 4th August 2022

Starting with this Humorous Ode
———————————–
Nemo Mortalium Omnibus Horis Sapit

Last night I slept early, getting up around 12:40hrs, and got on with the day’s work. I’m nothing if dedicated.
After yesterday’s three false alarms, I was unsure of having a successful mission. However, the evacuation flowed in contact with the plastic throneand kept coming; at one stage, I thought my body might float into the air. Hehe! I’d passed that much. And comfortably, pain-free without any bleeding! A total reversal, I suspect that the different veggie burgers I had for dinner may have played a part in this scenario.

This photo I took of the plates and pins and forgot to put on yesterday’s blog. It could happen to anyone, Ahem! Don’t they look good? This and the excellent BP lately are worrying; I’m not used to this.

I had a wash and sorted out the waste bins. Got a cold drink from the fridge, finished yesterday’s blog, and posted it off to WordPress.

I made up the dry-humoured Ode to use and spent hours trying to sort out whatever I’d done wrong on Corel Draw, which lost me so many options. At one time, I gave up, turned it off, and got out the sphygmomanometer. 
Yet another great set of figures this morning. And I was only just inside the red zone. Amazes me how the BP has been so good this last month.
I tried CorelDraw again, and I lost the saved template. More time lost, searching without much hope… But, I found, retitled it to the original name, and all was well again. I thought

I’ve got a Morrison via Amazon order coming later shortly now. But will Carer Richard come late enough so he can have his Mushroom Pete treat? Will the delivery come in time? – Will they have any in stock? – Will they send crap substitutes? Can I freeze a fresh mushroom pate for Richard to have the following Monday? Did I remember to order some? What day is it?…

The wee-wees have eased off. The rear-end found new life. My legs, ankle ulcer and feet are looking virtually perfect. No Harold Haemorrhoid or Fungal Lesion bleeding. No stubbed toe, walking into anything, & no battle with Sock-Glide-Glenda (I didn’t put any socks on). 

Arrived when and we were both a little down, I think. What bit of chinwagging we got was not the most cheerful. And Richard broke his own record for the fastest visit today. He was soon off in haste, but still the pleasant chap he is.

I turned off the computer to ensure that when the Morrison Amazon delivery arrived, I could be in the kitchen with the door open and hear when the weak, timid, pathetic chime from the intercom was heard. When the intercom chimed out, I was taking the opportunity to titivate the mess on the draining board.
A beautiful young lady came to the door and handed me each bag I put in the hallway. She already had my address, Hehe! Took my date of birth.
I thanked her and set about taking each bag through to the kitchenette. Poor old thing! I know I’m getting old, senile and past it. It shook me that I needed a few minutes to rest after taking the bags through the hallway.
The frozen item was the Meatless Farm Burgers, as well; there’s not much free room in the freezer.
Got what might be the last of pod peas, they are near the end of the season now, and it shows.
The fridge, on the other hand (not that I actually had a fridge on the other hand), had a lot of fodder that had to be jungled and jiggled to make room to get the stuff in there. These included some Strawberries, one for the Wardens, and Carer Valerie’s weekly treat.
Bananas, and my favourite veg seasoning, Oxo. These cubes have a fantastic flavour with them. I got some rice in, as it has already shot up in price, and a lady on the TV last night said to expect a lot more increases.
I put the warden’s weekly flower treat in the hallway; it’s cooler in there and rang to say they could be collected anytime. And if the DVT nurse comes early, I’ll bring them down to the office for them.

I must remember to ask Deana if the lift for the Diabetes session is sorted cause with Nathanial staying late to go over my missed meeting course, I will not know when I will be leaving. So will have to get a tram to Nottingham, a bus to Sherwood, and another bus up to the flats on that Friday. Fingers crossed that the ailments give me a break, which they are doing now… but they’ll be back! Haha!

Minutes after typing the above, the wet warm glow started in the lower regions. Why did I have to open my mouth? At least today, I can patch things up with the invaluable help of the shower before medicating. I always dread this happening when I’m out and about. Pure luck that it doesn’t happen too often… come to think of it, I’m not out usually anyway.

I’ll turn everything off computer-wise now and get the ablutionalisationing done and medicating certain areas in need. Back in a while…

“Lambasting-to-Self: Oh, No, you great fool, the DVT nurse and Deana are coming, aren’t they, dumbo!… I wish you’d get it together… Idiot! You know you can’t hear the telephone, intercom or even the door chime when you’re in the shower… Pillock!”
Dementia Doreen dashes your plans! Did you see that? The vaguest iota of contentment or thought that things might about to be going well, and what happens?

11:10hrs: Checked the tracker on Amazon; 3 stops away; I’d nearly forgotten about this delivery coming as well! Tsk! All that hassle getting the shower repaired, and now I still can’t get a shower! Or much sleep, either.

Took these photographicalisations of magnificent puffer clouds on display. A tremendous deep shade of blue?

11:39hrs: Checked the tracker on Amazon; Still 3 stops away.

Got some chips in the oven, chip sarnies for a snack? Cooked it, took a photo of it (and it didn’t get on the SD card?), ate it (the chip sarnies), and fell asleep.

Zzz!
Amazon Red Leicester delivery arrived. I put them away.
Zzz!
Esther called to see how things were, off on holiday. Wished her all the bestest.
Zzz!
Wardens Dean and Julie arrived. To do the yearly fact updates, we did them, and I mentioned the lift to the Diabetes at Bulwell. The leading man, Nathanial, is staying behind on this session to help me catch up with the one I missed, thanks to Meridian Care lot not letting me know they had failed to arrange a lift for me after saying to me; “We’re sorting it, no need to worry!” Deana phoned the transport people and arranged for a ride for the Friday 12th, 2nd session. I had to join something, and Deana sorted it all for me on the phone. Lovely, ♥! Deana also gave a note with the relevant numbers on it… But can I find it? NO! But I did remember to provide them with their weekly treats, flowers, and strawberries. Searched for hours for the note… maybe she didn’t give me one, or… I’m getting muddled again. I emailed her the list of the meetings and mentioned the mystery note… I am a fool!
Zzz!
. Arrived, I was well deep into sleep again, a rude awakening. Haha! Got the medications sorted out for me. Treated to a choice of plonk/nibbles. Off he went, not taking the waste bags to the chute. Cause I didn’t remind him. However, I had all the waste made from the other deliveries to sort, so I got on with them and took them all to the waste chute.

Cathleen’s Cartilage was playing up after I twisted the knee getting into the chute room. Pain level, only 4/10. Easily bearable.

Onto the computer and sent the list of sessions to Warden Deana. Updated this blog up to here. Then started the template for Fridays.

I nipped into the wet room to check that the shower was not leaking again, and…
Gave myself a good toe stubbing against the dreaded, fearsome Sock-Glide-Glenda. Catching the ankle ulcer at the same time. When I took this photo, later on, the end of the toes of the affected foot was white, and the rest of the foot was glowing red; the leg above was ghostly white?

Just another of the mysteries of Woodthorpe Court, with the hobgoblins, spectres, gnomai, phantasms, ghosts, grotesque succubae, extraterrestrials, ectoplasms, spirits, or the Fata Morganas that have been sent to taunt, irritate and terminate my already limited saneness of mind. I just laughed it off, of course.

I got this blog finished. I’ll post it in the morning.

It’s been a busy day. But getting help from Deana, and Ethel checking on how I was going, meant so much to me. Bless ’em! ♥

Inchcock Today: Diary & Odeing

Inchcock would like to start this blog with one of his more heartwarming efforts, Ode-wise. Sentimental, uplifting, exhilarating style of Odeing. It’s part of his self-declared “I’m fed up with hearing myself moan” policy. Thank you!

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Wednesday 3rd August 2020

I spent five hours head down in the recliner last night. If I got about three hours of sleep, I was lucky. One of the worst “Shoot awake & nod-off again” nights ever. At 07:45hrs, A real shaking of a wakeup, with the need for a wee-wee, forced me to scramble free of the c1966 recliner and over to the overnight bucket. I failed to get Little Inchie out in time! Gragnangles! Off to the wet room. I was in a bit of a state, so decided to get another stand-up wash and a change of PP’s naturally. I gave the shower a go, just to see if might work, but there was no noise from the drain-forcer, and the red light came on, so I quickly turned it off at the power again. A got a stand-up washing of the affected areas. New pants on, and back out to the kitchenette to get the kettle on.

Carried out. With another set of fantastic results to savour.

SYS a phenomenal 126!
DIA at 69

Pulse 82
Body temperature 33°f

Couldn’t ask for a better set of figures. Why, I’m down to near normal and in the green, to boot!
07:45hrs: Richard arrived, and he seemed in a slightly perkier mood today at first. But when he sat down, the yawning began again. After interrogating him, Hehehe! I discovered he’s had a bad night again.

He showed me the monitor the Diabetes clinic had fitted on his arm. He scans it twice a day, and the results go straight through to the hospital. True monitoring and a very natty system. Glad he’s got it, so a professional eye can keep tabs on his sugar level.

Not much time for nattering this morning, although he didn’t rush me at all. His body language and my EQ told me he wanted to get away early, and that’s fair enough for me. Hobbled him to the door, where he picked up the waste bags. Made sure that he’d got the bag of treats and wished him some sleep as we parted.

I spent hours on getting this blog template started, but it was hard work; the eyes are not so good, and it was a medley of mistakes, errors, correcting, and then finding the corrections were wrong as well! Time flew by, and I had so many breaks for wee-wees that I thought they would never stop! They didn’t, but did slow down a little after 14:00hrs!

My toffee-nosed, self-important, nyaff, noisy neighbour above kicked off with venom. And continued on and off, firth next five hours. Still, it’s nice to know he’s still alive.

The rumbling innards suddenly got more volatile, with involuntary emissions of wind from the hind quarters. And off on a hobble to the Porcelain Throne. One of the oddest visits in a long time. I got sat down on the Throne, and much wind escaped, but nothing else. I waited patiently, having a go at the crossword; for some reason, I could read the clues with less difficulty than usual. There’ll be a reason for that. If you find it, can you let me know, please?
Anyway, I gave up. got the pants and trews back on and was opening the wet room door, and winds started coming again, accompanied by the rumbling and grumbling innards. Back onto the Throne… for a repeat performance. seems likely that Constipation Konrad is in charge of the bowels, then? Another surrender, with that feeling that something has to, or will erupt at any time now. Most uncomfortable!

As I got into the hallway, with perfect timing, I was only two feet away from the panel: and the intercom rang forth! Yes, YES, it was the plumber arriving to investigate the shower!!!

He was a nice, patient chap. Listened s I explained at I was doing when the alarm went off, and he investigated for me. Five minutes later, he’s got the shower working again. And took the time to tell what had gone wrong with it. A filter had been blocked, and he’s changed it, well cleaned it up, good as new. Explained to me that if a lot of people use the showers at the same time, especially in the higher flats, sometimes the pressure changes. If this happens again, turn it off, and try again in a few minutes. I thanked him and insisted he take a cold drink from the fridge in thanks. Grrreat!

Put some potato cubes in the oven and made an order for Morrisons via Amazon for tomorrow morning. Then got the potatoes in the oven. I’m just having the spuds with some of Jenny’s donated tomatoes, I think. After eating this, maybe I can get some catching-up sleep. But, will I be able to?

MEMORY BLANKS:
Found this photo in the morning. Not the foggiest memory of making it or eating it… But when I saw this, a taste of the veggie burgers came into my mouth.
I think I liked it. Haha!.

Memory regained: When woke me up when she arrived. Obviously, I must have fallen asleep. I was so drowsy after she stirred me that maybe I’d just got off to sleep? It took me awhile to get things together? I remember getting her a cold drink from the fridge and Valerie leaving, then it was head down again… That was it until 00:20hrs when I woke in need of a wee-wee…

A most peculiar evening.

Inchcock Today

Which inspired Pro. Bill Ziegler to start building his Space & Time Machines in his basement. For his latest one, he took his beloved HRH Petal-Lisa with him. They sent me this photo.

Bill, now known worldwide as Professor Ziegler, PhD, In Humanitarian Studies. Initially based in Cincinnati, since the success of his Time Travel experiments, he is now operating from Paris (2049), Palestine (1974), Nottingham (Current), Germany (1925-1945-2015), Outer Mongolia (1911)and Britain (1155 years BC). He has been assigned by the FBI, CIA, Walt Disney Jnr and Joe Biden to nip back and get proof of fiddling in the last US elections. Hehehe!
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
Well, it’s not Telstar, but earth’s moon. I took a photo when I got up. What is impressive is I went and put the kettle on, and I’m talking about eight hours ago now, and I still haven’t made a mug of tea! Gobsmacking!

After faffling about starting many jobs and tasks, having to visit the Porcelain Throne a few times, and forgetting what I was doing beforehand… repeatedly, I started getting the photographs on the blog. Then realised I had not begun to prepare Josie’s Sunday meal yet. So, I did! Although I began to do well in the task at hand and maintained a modicum of concentration…

I prepared the vegetables, tomatoes, leeks, garden peas, soya and mushrooms in the saucepan. Then the beans and chilli were seasoned into pan two… I was almost at the stage of developing a Smug-Mode… until! . Oh, dearie me, a classic Whoopsiedangleplop, with an Accifauxpa to follow…
I’d just tasted the chillies before transferring it to the veg pan; and thought a squirt of more distilled vinegar would be a good idea. (It wasn’t). As I took off the bottle cap, the neurotransmitters failed, and I ended up juggling the bottle, getting soaked in vinegar, and layering the kitchenette floor with the escaping contents…

I had to delay the nosh-sorting to clean up the floor and my clothes. Then got in a spot of minor Conrad Confusion state. I was unsure of what to do first, sort the food? No, that’ll make the mess worse walking through it. So, into the wet room and got the mop and bucket out. And… that couldn’t have come at a worse time for me… I hit my knee on the sock-glide getting to the mop & bucket, and Cartilage Cathy kicked off, and I ended up moping the floor while using Metal Mickey, the walking stick! Not an easy thing to do! I had to stop and get some Phorpain Gel rubbed into the right patella. I was making things worse instead of better. However, when I dropped the mop and bent to retrieve it, a severe stab of pain and the cap had returned to the socket, no longer painful, just a smidgeon sore. Haha! Had my luck changed? No!

The door chime chimed, and in walked a late and not a very happy-looking carer, Joe. I rushed to finish the floor; it took about five minutes or so. I hastened to Carer Joe to take the medications; Joe met me at the door, anxious that he was not delayed any longer, as he had a lot on. Took the tablets, gave Joe a choice of tipple and nibble and went to the door to see him off. I forgot to ask him to take the waste bags. But I was feeling guilty for keeping him waiting. A low point in the day. But at least the kitchen floor was done.

I was still in a, well, erm…, a nervous state, I think. Still not happy with me getting mixed up and keeping Joe waiting, although he was far behind, he didn’t moan at me. I took a snap of the end car park from the balcony… that did not cheer me up in the least; It just brought back the problems I’m having with Facebook taking off all of my photos of the car park, the meals and me medical ones… others as well.
I’ve stopped using Facebook now..
. I’d like to close down my account altogether. Why are my photos not keeping to the standards of Facebook? I’ve seen some posts with swearing and anti-Royalty comments, and they seem to be okay with Facebook standards? Please let me know if anyone knows how to close a Facebook account. Mind you, I’ll lose my Troll Free access and Winwood Court too… Oh, I don’t know!
On the Blood Pressure, Sys was 147,
Not low or high enough to put me in heaven,
Dia 76, Pulse 81, Temp 34.1!

New medications on the collapsible table?
When? Who?… not rememberable…
Left in a bag unopened on the table.
When? Who?… not confirmable.
Pentac medicine’s effectiveness is disputable…
And Furosemide, another puzzle?
When? Who?… another bumfuzzle?
Dementia Doreen is blameable…

For my short-term memory not being retainable!

I should have used the glove or a towel,
To check on the oven-cooking gruel,
Peripheral Neuropathy makes you look like a fool.
When off-line, if things are hot or cool…
The nerve ends can’t tell the brain pool,
Neurotransmitter failures can seem cruel.

Some ailments will never be understood,
Peripheral Neuropathy, there’s not always blood,
Dying nerve ends are often misunderstood,
In fact, as above, they can be good…
The pain message is not precisely aborted,
This ailment needs to be excogitated!

No informing the brain of forthcoming pain or blood,
But belatedly gets the message through, it could…
Then you see the cut or bruise that bled…
Nowt the Doctors can do, it can’t be attempered,.
I imagine this will be why I’m found dead…
No need to fret, all the things wot I’ve been afflicted.

Twice I’ve been shot, and two cancers,
I’ve been given plenty of chances…
A metal ticker fitted, adiposes…
The stroke, Arthur Itis in both knees.
At 20 years of age came baldness,
Now cataracts, coming blindness.
Rotting teeth, deaf, body full of bruises,
Saccades, Glaucoma and diabetes,
Feet full of corns and calluses…
Mugged thrice, they weren’t pleasant,

Ankle and mouth ulcers,
Variable Blood Pressures and pulses,
Oh, and Pectic & Duodenal Ulcers,
Colin Cramps, fingers, toes agonise,
Harold’s Haemorrhoids bleed, a right mess,
And talk about absent-mindedness!
Now I’m full of abominableness…

So, life is now full of absurdnesses,
Paying for Carers and nurses…
Putting up with my pathetic curses…
But things could well be worse,
PN can, as I showed, have advantageousness,
My funeral cost has been covered!

But moments ago, from Jillie, she’s coming to see me!
This cheered my spirits automatically,
So, St Peter can wait patiently,
Cause I’m waiting to see Jill, besottedly!

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

I’ll get some nosh cooked before the Evening Carer calls.
Which I did, and took several photographicalisations while doing so, including the meal, a view from the kitchen window, and from the balcony. All 3 of the pictures have disappeared from the card?

I’m properly fed up!
The evening Carer arrived as I was getting the meal on the plate. The vegan burgers were well done when I got around to eating the meal
.
I’m properly fed up!

Evening All!

Inchcock Senses Alto-Egos Presence!

Alto-Inchy nearly became visible!

.

What the hell are you on about?

Do you believe in the Morlocks?

No…

Bet yer don’t know who they are?.

I couldn’t give a sod who they are or ain’t.

A simple question, no need to gerrall upset abarght it, me old fruit…

Oh, frug-off! I don’t know where you’ve been, but the last three days have been heaven without you! Wherever you’ve been, can’t yer sod-off back to it…

No, no, no… I’ve been visiting the Morlocks, and I am the first Alto-Ego to do so!

Bollocks!

Ah! Yer see, you really don’t know who the Morlocks are then, do you?

I told you I couldn’t give a rats arse about who they are; why do you want me to know about them, whoever they are? I think…

Ah, but yer doesn’t think, that’s why you’re missing out so much… No! Let me finish…

Oh, go on then… let’s have it…

Well, you smarty-pants know-nothing. The Morlocks inhabit the earth’s inner and underside… and have done for longer than any tellurian life forms have, even before…

Is this going to take long? Only I can feel the need for a crap coming on… which will mean I’ll have had two loads of crap today… Hahaha!

Look Dumbo! This is important; I’m not kidding either. This could benefit both of us, and we can have a lifetime of fame… Well, fair enough, not you, you’re about to snuff it anytime now, at least I’ll be the most famous Alto-Ego ever…

I’m not interested nor bothered about dying – that’s cause you, yer foul-breathed bully Alto, have made me this way. With yer constant putting me down, decrying me, making me so depressed, frustrated and angry, fed-up with failures, this never happened before I found you lurking in my body and mind!

Well, that’s so nice of you to say so, and admit it too! I may have misread you a little. To know that you appreciate all my efforts to maintain your grumpiness, self-hatred and demoralised at all times – I think I

I’ve got to admit it; you’ve done a cracking job. So, go on, tell me about visiting the Morlocks then…

They told me how I could gain some visibility to humans! The Morlocks could see me clearly all the time… but I didn’t like that. I couldn’t sneak upon them, and they knew where I was all the while. No, I shan’t be returning to see them again. Thank heavens, tellurians don’t have this ability! But this gaining part-visibility is excellent! Again, I have supreme and individual capabilities that no other Alto-Ego has! Meaning I can scare the living daylights out of my current human, that’s you, of course. And learn to go fully visible with a bit of training. Of course, your time is nearly up, so I might go a little easy on you cause we’ve been pals for a long time now, and…

‘Ode on mush! Let me get a hold of this. You’re using me as a guinea-pig to practice yer visibility training? After telling me how much yer appreciate my help? You’ll likely give me a heart attack, and my limited time will be shorter…

Oh, yes, did you not see the outlines of weapons on me when I arrived? You should have; I’m a little disappointed that you didn’t, cause I wanted…

Screw you! You scumball! How would you feel of you had a limited life span? You’ve destroyed my self-confidence and frustrated and depressed me; I wouldn’t be surprised if you weren’t responsible for giving me Vascular Dementia… Ah! You were laughing at me, you horrible Alto-Ego! I just got a glimpse of an outline of the form you’ve taken…

Keep it cool, man! Well, I say man… Hehehe! No need to start getting new abilities now. You’ve got little time left to use ’em anyway! Why gerrupset? At long last, you’ve worked out that Alto-Egos distribute such ailments… Hold on, yer going red in the face now, that’ll do yer no good, Inchcock!

Why the pluck do you want to give innocent humans a mind-crippling thing like dementia? Are you telling me that you Altos are responsible for the ailment?

Of course, we are, Blunderbrain! It’s the easiest thing for us to inflict on humans – that’s why so many of you get it. Gawd, you’re thick! I mean, it’s not exactly easy, cause when we pass it on to you, we’ve got to wait twenty years before we find out if it has been successful or not, so you must appreciate, we have done it for our own good, yer see…

Gragnangles! How does yer work that out then?

Oh, Inchcock, you are so sad. You cannot see what’s happening at all, can yer?

Worrya mean?

Look at your ailment graphic above, and that’s not got the Kathleen Cataracts, Glaucoma Gladys, or Doreen Dementia on it yet, has it?

Well?

Listen, what’s yer worst worry, not counting being deaf, and can’t see much? Go on; I’ll wait while you muse over it…

Erm, not counting being deaf and can’t see much?…

That’s what I said, no rush, take yer time Inchcock; not too long, cause yer ain’t got a lot of time left, have you?

I’m trying to think here; I don’t need you confusing me more…

Exactly my point!

Wot?

I’ll keep quiet; let you work it out then…

Ponders: Erm, Duodenal Donald and Bladder Belinda have been bad today… Cathies Cartilage and Peripheral Pete have been playing up for a day or two… Dizzy Dennis and Sock Glide Brenda have had me over at the weekend…

Then, I scratched my head in the wet room, and it bled a lot… but I’ve since found out the Warfarin INR blood count was a little out of range; they’ve changed the dosages now.  Summat happened on Friday, what was it? Oh, yes, The blood pressure sys went up to SYS 205 and DIA 88, and the Pulse had gone up to 97 bpm. I remember that. And having in the right eye (red-eye) subconjunctival haemorrhaging, which cleared up after two three-a-day days of eye drops? Ah, that’s summat I’d forgotten about. I must ask for some more of the eye drops. Colin Cramps has visited me for the last five nights, Little Inchies Fungal Lesion has been bleeding… and wee-weeing is painful, and sprinkle at the moment. A good job is that I’ve got a large stock of PPs (Protection Pants) in-store in the wet room to use. But Harold’s Haemorrhoids are stinging more lately but not bleeding as often as they usually do… Although the change in the INR level might be causing the bleeding on the arm after a blood taking session?

Even so, forgetting things is mayhaps the worst thing, so it’s Dementia, Doreen?

Yes, Alto, are you still there?

Aye, I’m waiting for you to tell me that it’s Dementia Doreen; that is the worst worry you have!

Well, pickle-my-walnuts! How did you know that?

All part of Alto-Inchie plan and design matey! By giving you Doreen to keep you worried, see how all the other ailments fade into the background?

I’m not sure… I suppose there might be summat in wot you say…

Even my being here, like it or not, takes your mind off of the ailments a smidgeon!

Yea… but we always end up disagreeing, which is not good, is it?

Or, is it indeed?

Anyway, hours ago, I asked you why you had a weapon with you. Well, why?

Just showing off what I learned from the Morlocks, Inchcock. Don’t fret; they are not real weapons. I don’t need them…

Har-Har! What you mean is you cannot fire them… you do not have the capability or physical skills needed to shoot them, innit?

No need to get sarkie with me, mate! It’ll only get me going making you feel tiny, a fool, an idiot, incapable of manual sex, mini-cocked, bald, socially unacceptable, pot-bellied, uncouth, smelly, repugnant, despondent, uneducated, lonely, miserable, uncouth, ugly, uncultured, underprivileged,  scatterbrained, and pestiferous. Deserving of condemnation or execration… a totally pathetically inept old, repugnant fart, unwanted and uncared for, a coffin-seeking has been, who…

Has yer finished yet?

For now, yer!

Oh, good. I shall not return the insults, just suggest you go forth and multiply. Hopefully, with you never returning again…

Hahaha! The only reason I’ll not come again will be when you are dead, so keep on wishing, dumbo!

Oh! See yer anon then; in the morning, Alto?

Cheers, cocker!

A much confused Inchcock got ready for bed, did his ablutionalisationing, and climbed into his £300, second-hand bought, c1968, nauseously beige-coloured, not-working, rusty, rickety, crumb-holder of a recliner. And once again sensed the presence of Alto-Inchie, watching him ready for a verbal attack… As if prearranged, they started on a rhyme-a-line verbal battle…

Oh, you back again, come to lickspittle?

See that, no welcome again. Is your nastiness congenital?

Worrever yer want, be quick, cause I need a pittle…

Why can’t you be a little more angelical?

Cause I’m trying to sleep, and along comes you with your prattle…

Oh, that’s nice, to cheer you up I call twice…

Pig-off Alto, you’re the nasty one. Not nice!

Well, me helping you must come at a price!

Sod-off, I’d sooner be visited by lice!

I only came to tell you what day it was, Christ!

I think you are definitely agathokakological!

Your wording is anti-logical…

Tommyrot, you know that I’m sociological…

More like demonological!

Do you know what the words mean you are using?

Well, not all of ’em, but I find it amusing…

Amusing? I cannot allow you any of that, or contentment, entertaining, or smiling!!!

Was not? I’m just asking…

You nitwit, it’s the reason for my being, to cause you pain, confusion and much inconveniencing…

You do that alright, with your constant word-mincing…

Doreen Dementia has got to you again; you’re word misplacing and mispronouncing!

You horrible Alto-Ego, I wish I could give you a trouncing!

Well, that’d be better than us kissing…

Can’t we just calm down and start pleasantly talking?

Nae, you’d only start grumping, moaning and trumping…

That my unwanted, human-hating antisocial Alto would be due to your tormenting!

Well, I have no morals or body, like you who are in a state of decay…

Hey, hey, hey! You’re having a dig at me again. Oh, lackaday!

A?

A? Are you referring to my doomsday!

Yea! When you snuff it into the ether, your body and mind will stray…

No salvation, just nothing forever and a day…

You might try to pray…

But you’re faithless, right or wrong, who is to say?

Your end is nigh, and it makes me sigh; you could be dead by midday! Hahaha!

At least your fatty body will waste away…

Oy, Alto, You are betting sarky and bitchy!

Yes, thank you, it’s just my way…

I suppose I’ve led my life abstemiously…

That’s the spirit; at least your painful, pathetic, sad, pointless existence was led altruistically…

Altruistically? I’ll check that on the online dictionary…

Don’t waste your time Inchcock; your lack of education left you with a mental block…

And what about forgetting things, losing time, dates, days, keys, codes and the odd-sock?

You’ve not had a lot of luck, have yer? Remember when you were conned by the financial Shylock?

Aye, and being shot twice, made redundant three times, heart failure, Mother running away, ending up in the dock?

Duodenal Donald, going deaf, poisoned, being treated with lice, Shock after shock…

There’s a lot of my history you seem to know, Alto? Have you always had access to my memory box?

Oh, yea! From the go, mate. The first word I heard on this assignment was your Mam’s when she said to the midwife, “I don’t want it; throw it in the Trent!”

Cor, you heard it all, so it was true then, but that’s no consolement.

Aye, I saw it all, the fights twixt yer parents, the police collecting Mam for trial and imprisonment…

Oh, and the tin bath hanging outside on the wall in the yard, outside coal house and toilet, you getting bullied at school… yer life then wasn’t exactly suent!

You having your heart broken by Grizelda, playing truant…

Your fumbling attempts with Mavis from the end house when drunk…

Alright! Enough! Imperfect as my memory is, there are some things I’d like to forget, many a stunt…

Now, here you are 70 odd years later, done-in, pissed off, disabled, and languescent…

I remember the happy times when I lived in digs on Wilford Crescent; my life was incandescent!

Me too; I had a bit of a fling with another Alto…

Ah, but yer couldn’t have sex together, though?

Too true, but it was bliss, till she had to go… so sad though…

Why? Let your story flow…