Searching for details on the Cataract operations, I don’t suppose I’ll need a paediatrician or rhetorician? The last operation I had, was done by an Abyssinian, The recovery was run by a pretty Australian… My dear carer, which helps me, is an Arizonian! Hope whoever does my eyes is not an anthropophaginian! The nurse thinks my stuttering could be aspergerian? Mmm!
I hope things go well, even more, that they happen… That on the operating table, I don’t need a crappen… They do both the eyes same day… could this be then? They say not; this is what reason was told to me… If you have another condition affecting your eyes, you see… Such as diabetes, saccades or glaucoma, trouble might be, You’ll still have limited vision, even after successful surgery! Well, that’s encouraging; I have all the above three! Plus, if there is any delay in operating – I’ll have to hold my wee-wee! Hehehe!
What I need with Meridian is communication,
No carer called, I could have been on the floor with a concussion,
Their failures so regular means no jollification…
For Inchcock, they say nowt, just fail to come = depression!
Fretting starts the jumping jerking in the neurotransmission!
How I feel now, I’ll have to show some suppression…
I feel so let down through Meridians transgression!
I now rate them as inadequate and feel great derision!
Time to get rid of them, I’ve made a decision!
Away with these worries and procrastination… Let’s face it, their undersupported, underfunded… So accepting their failures is the only solution… Is to up the costs… surely a fictionalisation? When they do not call, why are charges not refunded? Sad!
We pray, unbelievingly for reliability, an idealisation… Is someone involved, getting looked-after, backhanded? I think not… the ‘Caring’ industry shows imperfection, Sticking with the devil, you know, although cackhanded… It might be the best choice, on reflection! Humph!
Fodder fed furiously into my face,
♥ Angel Of Mercy Arrives! ♥
Carer Julia arrived; I had to stop myself shouting hurrays! Her care, helpfulness and empathy, they never strays… For this gal (who I fell in love with) deserves all my praise, I’ll ask her if she wants to adopt a grandad one of these days! She cared for me with patience, went beyond the mark… She contacted the Chemist; this freed my wark! I was soon as happy as an elderly skylark… Took my BP, Julia to the Healthline did remark… The resulting figures, a little high, but Julia set the wark…
I’m to check it in the morning, if high, to call an ambulance, And to agree to do so, in compliance… Within minutes I’d lost my stubborn defiance… Hatred of Meridian failings, thanks to Julia’s caring brilliance!
She was so careful and knowledgeable in who to contact and what to ask them about the dangers of my missing the morning medications. I felt so cared for suddenly, thanks, Julia! ♥
The gal had even packed and posted off the books for Lisa and Bill in the USofA for me; bless her Cotton Socks! ♥ She would not accept the money until she had brought the receipt with her on her next call. Soon, I hope. I thanked the gal and was almost sad when she left after giving me much time and care. ♥
But cheered when I remembered the TV was working again. And that was only due to Esther sorting things out, and I sent off the right TV remote that worked without any resettings.
Waking up all through the night, 4 times an hour on averagely!
Each time, Thought-Storms rampant, both knees hurting arthritically,
Wee-wees galore, getting up and down, good exercise, physically…
Getting out and in the chair went painfully, almost backbreakingly,
On one visit to the nocturnal wee-wee bucket, suddenly…
I realised the time, t’was time to get up, sadly!
However, the Thought-Storms continued, affecting me badly,
Howling around the mind, numbers, calculations, mathematically…
Ghosts, fears, hopes and confusions, mixed maniacally…
Went to fill the kettle, but put water in the saucepan; pathetically!
Left the hot tap running, dropped the milk… I spoke cursingly!
Oh, I wish the Thoughts would leave me, but no, sadly!
Carer Richard arrived, which seemed to ease my mental disarray,
We chatted, both of us relating many a memory,
We have a lot in common, medically…
Although I must say, not academically,
Our natterings went most ambiguously,
I can still access my long-term memory!
My views and thoughts on life today go anachronistically?
If I’ve got the wrong word there, please forgive me…
Richard departed, the brain stopped acting ballistically…
The wee-weeing steadied down… but not entirely,
Cheered up a smidge, I went to get my Strawberry sundae,
But found it had a use-by date on it, for last Friday!
Made a start to this blog, checked the day…Monday,
Thought I’d make a sarnie, last of the beef, oh, Ya!
But the beef had gone off, more stuff to throw away!
Back to the computerisationing, went on an Odeing foray!
Taking time to find a rhyming word, I forgot what I was going to say!
Porcelain Throne time… what will it be like today…,
Oh, that was fine, not messy, good texture… and no delay!
Easiest and pain-free than for many a day!
Coming out, all chuffed, I stubbed my toe on the way…
Shaking Shaun, Shuddering Shoulder Shirley, have gone away…
Only just typed this, and Shirley began to jump and flay…
Contentment and hope, I should not really display!
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
Got the camera out, and found some snaps I’d taken earlier. I don’t think I’ve blogged them yet, but I could be wrong. It has been known!
Josies Sunday Lunch
My Sunday Lunch
My Second Sunday Lunch!
Yes, a little embarrassing that was. I forgot I’d had an earlier nosh, and made another. I gobbled it all up mind. Glutton!
Strayed off of my plans again,
My memory is such a pain…
Got a shave, cleaned the teeth,
Hit my knee on the bucket beneath…
But I mustn’t and won’t complain…
My higher spirits I want to maintain!
Back to photographing again…
The red van parked in the car park? No, surely…
Good heavens, Gore Blimey, and lackaday,
The red van had to park proper… Mayday!
It’s the black car in his way…
Parked in his illegal spot today!
All I can say is Hahaha!
A misty morning dawning,
Stayed this way all day…
Door chime ringing, it’s Josie!
Returning her Sunday dish and tray,
Said she enjoyed it immensely…
That perked me up, egotistically!.
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
I’ve lived my life, caringly, blindly and anacreontically,
But mostly I suppose it’s been okay, absobloodylutely,
I must have been old minded at birth, characteristically,
There have been moments of my living abstemiously…
I never fitted in, why I didn’t even like Old Mother Riley!
I’d turn from shyly to bravely, and back again, abruptly…
Rarely aggressively, agitatedly, or abrasively,
Often agonisingly, agreeably, and absentmindedly!
Now I live with depression and insanity…
But try to hang on to my natural humanity…
Vascular dementia, stroke, means mental abnormality,
But it’s all part of life, along with dying eyesight, apparently?
Forgetting new things brings forth my acting apologetically,
I admit to acting more and more confusedly…
But this only happens when I remember, I live pathetically,
Abstractedly, physically arduously, but I love laughter abundantly!
By gum, that was deep in parts. Did I write it?
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
Hello, Esther came in, (Just finished taking an urgent wee-wee in the bucket, too!) She’d picked up a parcel in the lobby, and brought it up for me, bless her. It was the TV remote control that amazon said would be arriving on the 28-29th January? Great! She is going to do my washing that the Meridian Care shower failed to do last Friday!
Wallah! Got the batteries into the remote and tried it out. Tales of the unexpected were one too!
Time to get this blog sent off, and get summat to eat.
The cause, the reasons for my permanent incongruence? Are numerous, physical and mental… with many a covariance, Trying to work why out is nefarious and needs diligence… Something nowadays, that can cause mental dissidence, Which does little for my becoming extinct self-confidence.
Although years ago, This wasn’t so… But, there you go… What do I know? More than you think, since I started going loco!
Being as deaf as a doorpost, eyesight failing makes one tense, But other ailments to worry about… and this makes sense… Eases the worrying; Neuropathy, toothache… hence… You can’t worry about them all simultaneously, no chance!
Vascular Dementia Doreen helps you to feel at ease… Back Pain Brenda, Shuddering Shoulder Shirley may tease, Arthur Itis and Colin Cramps, bring Ohh’s Argh and Oyee’s, Which reminds me, I still waiting for the operation on the knees? Then the Cataracts, Saccades and Glaucoma bother to be eased? So that proved it, the very though all of these… I’d forgotten all about my being so obese! Oh boy, I’m so easy to please!
Carer Richard said; Why don’t you try clairvoyance? Not sure what the lad meant in this instance… I’m sure I don’t know anyone called Claire Voyance, I told him this for a laugh… but just got back annoyance!
The rare times I get to the stage of semi-confidence… I always get a Whoopsiedangleplop as comeuppance! Yet, I remain permanently in a state of calmness pursuance… Without much success, I usually suffer appurtenance.
Always a bother, using the Porcelain Throne or convenience, The fungal lesion or Haemorrhoid Harold bleed in an instant, The evacuating product is either liquid or rock-hard… renitent? The time and the energy that has to be spent… Time on the throne, then cleaning up, medicating is exorbitant! But, most of all, it’s frustrating and a damned nuisance!
Incidentally, what does it mean, incongruence?
I can’t believe in reincarnation; it’s not common sense… It may indicate the errors in my previous life were immense! This time, I just had to pay for it, take my punishments? This pathetic existence might be the Lord’s chastisement?
I wonder if so, who the hell I was to deserve this life?
So full of failure, depression, no wife, and strife…
Was I Stalin, Hitler or Mao Si Tung in my previous life?
Muammar Gaddafi, Maximilien Robespierre, or Mack the Knife?
Why did I get a minuscule willy and a life of strife?
Nothing in the brain to replace the missing hard drive?
Come think of it… am I actually alive?
Sunset shots, no idea when from, sometime in the last three days I’ve been without the capability to upload.
Yesterday morning (Maybe?) Colin Cramps was paining me, All night long, eight hours, no sleep, scarily, But still, in wealth, health, finances and pecuniarily… I have no worries… I am totally hassle-free… I’m lying here, to a certain degree… I can’t walk properly… It’s harder than ever to see… Arthur Itis murdering the knee… Constantly I need a painful wee-wee, Lost the remote control for the TV! Using the Porcelain Throne leaves things increasingly phooey! And to varying degrees, it’s always bloody! So many medications, I’m becoming a druggie, Of pains, aches, worries, fears… I’m never free! Diabetes stops me from eating chocolate and toffee… Always some other medical examinee… Vascular dementia has taken my minds synchronicity, More operations are due, but that’s just a technicality, I’m coping well, really, but with a vulnerability… Too occasional depressions and pathetic self-pity, Yet, I’ve a gift of physical, not mental, survivability, Sometimes, I have an outlook of determination and doability… Often prevented from actioning by my docility… Yet, I press on, causing more damage, such is my senility… Why did the Lord give me life, but not the ability? Fair enough, he gave me more than a fair share of verbosity, And great bonus, in a massive bouncebackability, But far too much instability and aperiodicity? Not to mention my fretting, worrying and trepidity, Oh, I said them – that’ll be the memories absentia! Psychasthenia, I’ve avoided, I’m glad to say it’s not obligatory, Thank Gawd, for my beloved Lisa, Jenny and Jillie 🧡
Made up some Polish pork sarnies, so good they tasted! Planned it for them to be ready, To eat it watching the telly… Heartbeat was on… but I soon capitulated!
I’ll turn on the telly a fine-looking nosh, and I waited… Again, my plans had been incapacitated… The TV remote had absquatulated! Spend so much time searching, going wud! The meal went stone-cold; it could not be ameliorated! No TV, eyesight too bad to read; aggravated! Hearing no good to listen to the radio… The remote control was not appropriated! After a lengthy search, of finding it, there was no likelihood, I was self-annoyed; I could have spat blood! At least the sandwiches tasted really good! A Dark Depression accumulated… As the next Whoopsiedangleplop, I awaited…
The following day I woke, and photo’d the feet, The limbs looked okay, felt alreet, Colin Cramps was easier last night, his pains petite, Then, as I moved, the action was only slight… Arthur Itis attacked – in the right knee, with all his might! Hearing myself whimper made me uptight, I struggled to move and was not very sprite… Then, went to Phorpain it… What a sight!
My disjointed but prettily coloured patella.
The sort of knee one may find on a troglodyte? No sunshine for them either, very little light, But I was more concerned with the failing eyesight, I make myself a sarnie, using Vegemite… Just two little slices, more weight I will not incite,
It was cold, misty and windy tonight, Got the camera, the end car park to highlight… Will the computer let me import? Well, it might… Good heavens, it did! Much to my delight!
The red van on the no-parking zone is like a benchmark, It’s never been known to park up properly, I remark… The van reminds me vaguely of the Bismarck?
Sod it! The knee cap’s come out, off to the hospital!
My EQ had already warned me, today would be different, special,
But I’ll have to be prepared for aggravation, be on my metal!
But explained things won’t be wrong, not an early burial…
But plans, like life, can be so decoctible…
Plans, well mine, are easily cock-uppable!
However, EQ’s warnings were mostly corrigible.
I thought that my will-power and contentment was indestructible,
Which, to say the least, was a rarity and unexplainable!
I got the blog created and sent off… although it was minimal,
The Carer was a smidge depressed, not very cheerful,
Gave him a can of Gin in thanks, told him to be safe, be careful,
Departing, the Carer definitely seemed a bit more gleeful,
Which made me feel better; did you know he was bilingual?
I only did a small blog, the eyes are getting worse, seeing less,
Still can’t get the photos on the computer – I’m at my pottiest!
Sorting out the paperwork needed for ophthalmologist,
The Bank Manager, whose visit I’d have gladly missed…
And added herb-slices to my little shopping list,
Readied things for the escape, shopping, bank and optometrist…
Here we go…
I got to the door, seeing I’d enacted my habit of being a noctambulist,
Boxes had been moved, stuff out on the trolley, can a hypnotist,…
Be consulted, for I do not recall getting from bed; was I pissed?
I think not; I stopped drinking years ago… mind you, it’s still missed!
Some bits of paper on the carpet as well, to be honest…
I don’t think my mind is at its mentally healthiest…
Hit my head picking stuff up… but this was not to be the painfullest,
Half an hour later, I felt at my poorliest…
I hobble out along to Winchester Street, limping down the hill,
A car parked on the pavement again, cruel and evil…
Not sliding in the wet leaves was taking all my skill…
I was soon swearing like the devil!
I tripped on the crack underneath the leaves, twisted my knee…
Bagged my leg falling on the soggy gravel,
It hurt, but so did me wanting to have a pee!
But more important was my desire to see Jillie!
My tumble meant nothing now; I hobbled like the devil,
My mission is to see Jillie, whatever the peril…
My fears and pain had disappeared – they were nihil!
We met, and in her arms I did cradle…
Nothing mattered then, even my wanting a piddle!.
The time shot by while I was Jillie, my lover… in my mind
She’s regal, beautiful, and so very kind…
I found her 60 years too late; it drives me out of my mind!
But she had partly adopted me, that was so very kind,
She is a gift, a pleasure, a desire, of all mankind ♥
Jillie walked with me to the opticians, beautifully coiffured,
She is even aware before I say so when something I’ve misheard!
A treasure-find for me, patient and so good-natured!
My confidence was boosted, hopes temporarily recaptured…
Into see the ophthalmologist room, to have the eyes inspected!
Prodding and eyes, the drops all done; 20 minutes, I waited…
The Oculist came out with the problem after I was examined,
The result was not unexpected… I’m overly cataracted!
She set the ball rolling for me to have two lenses fitted…
Paperwork to the Doctors’ was remitted…
She explained further to me of the operation…
Risky at my age, but without it, I’ll be blind within a year As was expected and natural to me, worry, but no fear.
Gave me some leaflets to read. There is no point in prescribing the new glasses until after the operation. Because having two plastic lenses replacing the genuine lenses would alter the sight a lot, they will sort the spectacles out with another examination after the procedure.
Also, she can look into the Glaucoma and Saccades issues after my getting and trying the new spectacles. Which can’t be done until so many weeks after the operation has been completed. Ah, well! Only what I expected, really.
I had the pleasure of thanking them, and going with Jillie to the bank. Which took a lot of her time, but she was very patient. We went into a room with an advisor. I could not hear what he was saying, and the rapidly declining eyesight meant I could no longer see well enough to try lip-reading. But, Jillie did all the talking for me. ♥ She asked about the Carers Direct Debit situation, and the chap told her, as she explained afterwards, I had no idea what was going on, Hehe! that the transactions were set up, but nothing had gone out yet? Crumplemost Confusing!
After a long time, we left the bank, and Jillie had to help me with the cash machine to get some money out. Bless Her! I don’t know what I’m going to do when the gal is unavailable!
Got some bits from the local continental store, not a lot; I’ve got a food delivery coming in the morning.
We walked back to Jillie’s house, and I got a hug (Boy, that felt good!) as we parted. Despite the morning’s happenings, I felt up to walking up the hill back to the flats!
I got in and made a meal. Gobbled it up, and sat down; and fell right asleep! For about four hours! Got up, and I started to mop the kitchen floor as Carer Richard arrived. We had a little natter, but he was in a rush. So I gave him one of his favourites, a pink gin and tonic, thanked him as he departed. Then got on with the moping again.
I sat down with a mug of Glengettie tea to watch Heartbeat on the box… But only managed about ten minutes, and I drifted off again.
After an hour, I sprang awake in absolute agony! The hobble (I imagine) had set off Colin Cramps, and boy was he giving me some pain! Worse, he went on all night until about 04:30 in the morning!
I used up an entire tube of Phorpain overnight! But it did me no good. Even taking two co-codamol didn’t ease things at all! All in the left foot and leg. Knob-Gobs! I’ve never had cramps so bad in my life before?
Now, there’s no comparison twixt the above two,
Albert is dead; Inchcock is in the queue…
Both smoked a pipe, Erinmore honeydew,
Violence, they both tried to eschew,
Albert was very clever, too…
Inchie also had thoughts, but very few…
He can’t get them to do what he wants them to,
He still struggles with his toilet tissue issue!
Alto-Inchie on Inchcocks Waking & Rising
Once woken, he works out what time and day is dawning, A wee-wee will be needed, while he’s still yawning, Check what ailments are most perturbing… If any clothes are on, he’ll start disrobing… The fungal lesion will be bleeding or throbbing, Arthur Itis, Reflux Roger and Ann Gyna may be stinging… With doing the ablutions, he’ll start grappling, Little Inchie, embarrassingly like a watercress sapling, The constant wee-wees, flowing then ebbing… Porcelain Throne time, so he starts the divebombing,
Having cleaned as best, he can, Medicationalisationings is his plan, He does so sometimes painfully, others with elan, Gets his medications from off of the Ottoman… Sprays, drops, creams, ointments, some vegetarian!
Stops any bleeding with Brute aftershave, and then began… Little Inchies Fungal lesion cleaning, a delicate organ! Tea made, he awaits his carer whichever, Julia or Megan, Falls asleep and dreams of a two-headed Martian!
This morning’s ablutions got Inchcock to his bolshiest…
The Porcelain Throne did not clear; this did not please!
Five times the water in the tank was replaced…
Struggling to get the lid back on, his lesion began to bleed,
Eventually, the evacuated product blockage was freed,
But he banged his knee, and this he didn’t need!
And for some reason, he peed and peed and peed!
Alto-Inchie on Inchcocks Activities
Inchcock grabbed his Canon, camera,
Into the balcony, he did manoeuvre…
To his amazement… the rusty red van had parked almost between the lines in the proper place, and not on his beloved yellow chevrons! On closer inspection, Inchcock realised some else had parked in his illegal corner on the hatched area, forcing him to try and park his van in the car park – which he very nearly managed between the white guidelines. Haha!,
Mayhaps this time, he returned being sober?
Although he did park correctly last October!
Alto-Inchie: Inchcock Cooks!
Inchcock prepped the meal for Josie, and takes a wee,
Get the ingredient together properly,
Then he fell over majestically…
Well, at least acrobatically…
Now he has a freshly swollen knee…
Arthur Itis hurting, which is obligatory…
He got the chilli-stew cooking, not hassle-free!
Then his Sister rang he…
Then he fell over majestically…
Well, at least acrobatically…
Now he has a freshly swollen knee…
Arthur Itis hurting, which is obligatory…
He got the chilli-stew cooking, not hasslefree!.
Sister Jane and Inchcock, nattered away free…
Until he smelt something burning, to the kitchen he did flee…
Spilt over stew, it was as if the 1812 overture by Tchaikovsky,
Had entered his head, as he panicked, profusely!
He cleaned things up, started again; and felt glee…
He even swore at me!
Alto-Inchie: Handouts in Thanks
He sorted his freebies out, updated, some new,
Including the Mojito ones, he read as Cocktail,
Then found they were non-alcoholic… Wail!
He was fooled by the microscopic printing, that said Mocktail
Still, some of the Nurses and Carers don’t like ale…
He got Josie’s nosh done and tasted, luck did prevail,
An Accifauxpas delivery route did entail…
He stubbed his toe against the heater rail…
He arrived at Josie’s door feeling frail…
As it opened, he saw she looked hearty and hale!
So with a smile and some banter, he did regale…
Glad she looked so well, chattering he had to curtail…
Cheerily wished all the best, to his nightingale,
Off for another wee-wee he did bail!
Alto-Inchie: Inchcock Broods For A While – Then Brews
A memory shot into his brain, he was mortified,
The thought of The Meadows where he lived…
He supposes the old houses had to be sacrificed,
They were decrepit, with rats, fleas and mice…
Must seem bad to folks; he thought they were nice…
As having alopecia, chickenpox, pneumonia, polio and lice?
We were all poor, sickly, but not at all mystified,
When yet another child got ill and died…
We helped each other, we were unified…
A family of thousands, with fear, denied!
Inchcock made a Glengettie brew,
Feeling better now, well he would do…
Tea can be good for you…
He went into Photographicalistical mode straight away. Well…
And after the traditional painful, challenging wee-wee, He got his Canon camera and dropped it, accidentally, Well, he’s getting senile now and rather elderly… His thoughts and actions are slow, performed dottily, He hurt his back, bending to retrieve it; he needed another pee! Yet it still worked, so he took his first photo, jauntily…
He took it from the balcony,
The red van parked, again, illegally…
Yesterday, the lights shone brightly…
This photo came out fairish – a periodicity!
Clear morning, t’was no longer foggy…
The following two shots were taken in duplexity…
Top one to the north-east,
Second to the south-east,
Not so good these, my apology!.
He took an extra snap, using technology…
He’d zoomed in, to him that’s using gadgetry,
He went into a smug mode, as he did one correctly!
He even charged up the battery…
For him, that’s technological activity!
But the twerp couldn’t get the card to work The computer was confusing the burke! Card reader not recognised, he went berserk! From his efforts, he did not shirk… And by some miraculous quirk… He got it to work, the jerk!
After making a brew of Thompsons Punjana tea, stubbing his toe, and dropping the milk bottle, he cleaned the mess up. Took his CBD.
The formula was frivolously formulated for phrasemaking while Inchcock was busy cutting himself shaving. He can’t recall what it was exactly but decided that as he continued with his ablutions and medicationalisationing, he might get inspiration or a vague idea for a new plot. But, by the time he stopped the chin bleeding and utilised the Porcelain Throne, the earlier plan of his blog’s theme had plodded off into the ether, lost forever…
Teeth cleaning, nasal decongesting, and into the shower. Inchie banged his shoulder against the power-box (Dizzy Dennis to blame). Swore violently. Took his shower, then set about doing his medicationalisationings.
These went reasonably well (Did I say that?) The most painful bit of agonistically applying the stinging Betamethasone cream really was nowhere near the pain it usually was? This was a good start.
Treating Arthur Itis, Colin Cramps, Shaking-Shoulder-Shirley, Ankle-Ulcer-Herbert. Harold’s Haemorrhoids, Saccades Sandra, Duodenal Donald, Back-Pain-Brenda, Little Inchies, Fungal Lesion were all medicated. The none Carer and prescription items were applied to many parts of the body.
Saccades eye drops. He was gobsmacked at getting some of the liquid into the eye, for once. Of course, he managed to get some in his nose and mouth as per usual.
A second hobbling speedily attended visit to the Porcelain Throne was followed by taking two Dioctyl® capsules. To counter Trotsky Terence’s return! Messy, very much so! Took ages to clean things up afterwards.
Carer Richard arrived. Soon got the medications sorted, and he made sure I took them and didn’t drop any, bless him.
It was his last call, so he spent a little while having a chinwagging session with me. The lad’s gone through many similar procedures as I have, but poor Richard got them a lot earlier in his life. Which I appreciated.
He’s coped amazingly well with things. A caring bloke, too.
He seemed to be cheery,
And, off Richard did flee,
I had another pee…
Colour chart for the wee,
Was on number three,
Now six, it smelt musty!
Oh, back to the lavatory,
Oh, what a malady!
Well Into The Afternoon…
But no one had told Inchcock, the chatterbox…
Chattering to himself, sipping dandelion & burdock!
Thinking he may just wash his socks…
A message comes through on his voicebox…
Unsolicited mail, through his letterbox…
He forgets the socks: arrears in his Carer fees shocks!
Over £400 – Oh, Hollyhocks!
That’s not what he said, but it also rhymes with Bullocks!
He plans to get it paid by the following equinox!
A change of nosh style, I’m watching the size of my hips!
Vegetarian sausages, peas, swede and lentil potatoes…
Chilli sauce, onion gravy, a banana, oranges…Oh, and chips!
I forgot to take from the fridge the tomatoes…
And now my rear quarters blows and blows!
The Nottingham Lads True Tales of Woe In Rhyme Series
I beginneth the Ode, with the tale from Tuesday,
With food being delivered from Iceland, I say,
Sainsbury’s, I wanted to use, as I would, ordinarily,
Could I get access to their site? No flipping way!
Hence, my disappointment today, Wednesday…
Sorting the food delivered left me in dismay!
I opened the first bags onto the server trolley tray,
Bananas looked nice and green, should last many a day,
But the potatoes had growths on them and use by this Thursday!
No faults with the orange juice, pasties Cornish and Cheesy,
The lamb shanks I’d not had for a long time (budgetary),
I’ll have a lamb shanks in gravy tonight, to myself I did say…,
The next load I put out on display…
The dates left this septuagenarian giddy!
No dates on either pack of tomatoes, hey!
Both lots were soft and beginning to decay!
Two loaves of bread, both expired today!
Sugar snap peas, they were safe until Friday!
The mushrooms one day left, Wednesday, today!
The other stuff’s dates seemed to be okay!
The last few bits seemed better by to review,
But the brown cob packs should have been two!
But they only sent one, which was dearer – Boo!
Fairy liquid was on offer, just £1… that’ll do!
Oh, and the sweet chilly Thai sauce was £1 too!
Then the old warped memory came into play…
I didn’t want or need the chilli sauce anyway!
Memory-Lapse – another waste of effort, and monetarily,
For I’d got a massive jar last week,
Pissed off with myself, so’s to speak.
My Biggest Gastronomic Disappointment Ever!
I got around to cooking the lamb shanks at last
I got around to cooking the lamb shanks at last, Such a long time since I’ve had such a repast… I could hear my taste buds as they clacked… Remembering the glorious taste, from the past… Assured the delightful flavour would be a blast!
My hopes were high; I intended to eat it all… But my cheeriness had a great fall… It was horrible! I didn’t like it at all! Sweet and sickly, for lamb, not natural, Disappointing and incredible! The sweetness made it inedible,
Why did I trust Iceland? Incomprehensible! For Iceland, it’s only typical… Nowt to fret over, nothing unusual… I’d buy them out and sack them all… If I had the wherewithal…
Depressed! I pottered about in the cupboards
Stuff in the end cupboard, to be eaten…
Most unwanted substitutes from the heathen…
Wicked Iceland and Morrison’s: They are Rotten!
Unwanted crap I don’t like sent, all too often!
No shortages of seasonings, though… Parsley, Chilli, BBQ, Pickles and Oxo, Lea & Perrin sauce, Balsamic, Marmite, The innards are rumbling… problems gastro?
Oh, dearie me! To the Porcelain Throne, I had to go, Shit! I’ve just stubbed me hammertoe! I’m just not a lucky bunny, you know! What was I odeing about a while ago?
The cupboards… vinegar, soups, beans, red, gungo, Mulligatawny, black and white pepper, Go-Glow… Go-Glow? Why is that in there? A mystery, though? With flavourings galore! Core, my toe’s getting sore… No meat hereabouts… A lamb shank for sure… A packet of out-of-date marshmallows…
Ah, I’ve got the bean and cheese pasty in the fridge! I checked the sell-by-date and found a dead midge? I’m struggling here, just a smidge… With this Odeing verbiage… Hell, summat else out of date, a box of porridge!
The Door Chime, Chimed!
It was the Amazon delivery;
On the orders of cleaner Esther, I’d ordered an ironing board…
But another Whoopsiedangleplop had matured!
These and Accifauxpas for me, are assured,
There’s no way stopping them from coming; it can’t be cured!
Their perpetuity can be assured…
I think that can be said officially; rest assured…
Another cock-up, mistake or Accifauxpas will be sculptured!
They just can’t leave me alone; it’s such a bind!.
Thoughts At The Time
Is the ironing board a self-assembly one, then?
The box wasn’t heavy, it’s too tiny, indeed… Freakier!
Got inside and found they had sent; no snigger!
An ironing board cover? Another Inchy blunder?
Now I can see where and how and feel in despair!
Is that not a picture of an ironing board above there?
My lousy eyesight causing problems there…
I’m fed up and don’t think life is fair!
Inchcock’s Making The Best Of Things Series – In Ode
The extra handicap of the reaction to the Booster Jab; made my doing anything, taking an inordinately much longer time than usual. Thus, it was nearly midnight last night by the time I’d got the blog finished and posted. Although aching and in pain, and really needed to get some sleep. The mind and body wanted to close down. But, Inchcock, an epicurean, foodie, glutton, gourmet, chow-hounder, and well-known foodaholic, put an end to any thoughts of joining in with any Sweet Morpheusness for a while.
I foolishly started to make a belated meal, and a mini-feast it was too! At last, come around about 01:00hrs, I got it served up.
Raw fresh peas from Nigeria. (Shame the ones from Peru are not available, they were sweeter than the Nigerian ones by a mile, but beggars can’t be choosers when things are out of season) Oven-baked potato slices, tomatoes, crispy smoked bacon was the main course. The bacon was eaten in slices of milk roll bread and was dunked in some absolutely great tasting Thai sweet chilli sauce. I was satisfied with the substituted bottle; as for where I got it from, well, I’ll get some more from Amazon.
Which reminds me, I’ve got some diabetic bamboo socks delivered today. Well, that’s what I say! Bearing in mind my cock-up stroke Whoopsiedangleplop with Sainsbury’s and Morrison’s order dates, I get them arriving yesterday; when my Google calendar clear says that the Sainsbury one is coming Monday and the Morrison one on Tuesday… I’m sinking into the morass mess of mental mayhem of memory mishaps. It has to be admitted. Vascular Dementia Doreen is to blame, methinks.
Of course, you have to bear in mind that it is me we are talking about! No chance! Anyway, I feasted well, did some belching, took an extra Codeine, and flaked out on the recliner searching for sleep…
Sleep as I recall it, when I got up for my fifth wee-wee, at 03:00hrs, seemed far away, a luxury denied me again! Thought Storms Stewart kicked of the instant the eyelids drooped and threatened to nod off. It’s incredible how many things you can fear, hate, smile and laugh about, returning memories to torment you on your failed options and actions. Self-disgust, the injustices of those in charge, shames… not to mention the ailments having a go at you. I had no idea what time I got off into the land of nod, but I kept waking up thinking, I’d better get up, the carer will be here soon – then nodded off again.
The Doctor’s response to this problem when I spoke with her (a few years ago now, of course) Was, “Yes, many older people get this… any other problems?” I decided not to bother her further.
As I woke for the umpteenth time and was going through the routine of planning to get up, then falling asleep again, the door chime rang out its loud, ♫ Oh, Susanna ♫ tune. Gawd, it was late! Carer Richard came in to find a foggy-brained Inchcock staggering up out of the recliner. Hahaha! Fair enough, he does usually find me fuddle-brained anyway.
Richard asked the required medical question, as they do on a Monday. And did a wristlet alarm check to ensure the signal was getting through to the Nottingham City Homes people.
It was his last call, and I enjoyed a little nattering and moaning session with the lad. I thanked and treated him, and off he went.
Then as I put the kettle on belatedly, I took some shots of the morning’s misty views from the kitchenette window.
The photographs didn’t help my spirits much, Didn’t cheer me up; I still felt I was a bit of a schmuck, An old man, (Gillie) again being lovestruck… If she was to adopt me, I’d be thunderstruck!
I wonder when the socks will arrive, they’re made of bamboo, Had to get some; it’s too cold not to wear them now, Boo-Hoo! I’ll check the Amazon tracker; that’s what I’ll do… Nine stops away, couldn’t ask for better, could you! The socks seem to be of reasonable value… One can’t say that very often of Amazon, can you?
In an effort to cheer missen up, I perused the box of gifts that HRH Lisa and Billum had sent to me from Fort Thomas in the USA. I know, I wasn’t going to open it until Christmas Day, but anyway…
The box within the box was so pretty, it had to have been decided on by a lady. I put it on the server trolley and investigated away! But I’ll not put them on display until Christmas day.
Just look at all the work Lisa must have put into making these for me!
She even named them for me in the card she sent with them! ♥
Crazy Furry Goat (Goliath), Long Eared Rabbit (Roger), Wacky Cat Kawaii. Pink Fuzzy Monster (Malcolm), Rudikth, the Red-Nosed Reindeer! The names in brackets are those I’m considering giving them when they get on display and become along with Koala and Teddy Bear, my morning chinwagging partners! ♥
I’ll have to make sure I give them names that I might remember. Otherwise, they will get confused about who I am talking to if I use the wrong word. Hehehe! They put in some ‘Moon Pie’ cakes as well. They are not available in the UK. And they look rather tasty! I shall not indulge until Christmas day!
When I showed them off to the carer who came to check on my medicines stock, she thought they were just like a Wagon Wheel. When I put a picture of an unopened lemon Wagon Wheels on my blog a while back, Billum said how they looked like Moon Pies. Thus they sent them to me to try. Bless their cotton socks! ♥
♥ Thanks again, HRH Lisa and Billum! ♥
The door chime rang forth again;
♫ I come from Alabama with a banjo on my knee, I’m going to Louisiana, my true love for to see It rained all night the day I left; the weather it was dry The sun so hot I froze to death; Susanna, don’t you cry. Oh, Susanna, don’t you cry for me cos’ I come from Alabama With my banjo on my knee… ♫
The daycarer from the Meridian office was the day carer; she’s come to check that my medical stocks were sufficient for over the holidays. She thought the Moon Pies were like Wagon Wheels… Oh, I’ve already said this, I guess, sorry!
She thinks I’ll need some more Codeines getting in to last me. Which is not surprising, with all the extras I’ve been taking; What with the 15hr agony of the hospital trolley marathon, the bruised bum, then the absolute nightmare of the reaction to the booster-jab, I think I needed, they got me through anyway. I expect someone somewhere to believe I’ve become addicted, however, and another lecture from the Doctor, of course, over the phone.
Another Escapee Pea!
Making a fresh brew, I trod on something rock-hard on the kitchen floor, almost like an electric shock, it made, jump a smidge. It seems lately that these escapee garden peas are coming out of hiding regularly? Haha!
I checked again in the Mazon bamboo sock front situation. And guess what? As you see, this was the message I got from them. Delivered today; your package was left near the front door or porch. Well, it hadn’t been! I got myself into a mini-flap when I wondered if it had been delivered to Winchester Court in error?
So, I rang ILC (Independent Living Coordinator), Warden, Desktop Dancer, and who is also not interested in adopting me! Tsk! It’s just not fair! She said it might be downstairs in the lobby; I mentioned Winchester Court, she said the flat is empty. I had a vision of them leaving the stuff outside the door of an empty apartment – if so, it would not last long! Deana said she’d look for me and let me know. I thanked her and returned to the computer in another failed effort.
Hehe! Ferreting around for something to nibble, I came across the packet of new mini-cheddars I’d ordered, but I resisted the temptation. I’ll have them later when I’m more depressed or even hungrier.
The right arm looked betterish, and the pain has subsided a lot now.
Little Inchies fungal lesion had not bled all day. I liked that a lot! But I am in no way being fooled; it’ll come again!
The legs (the Knees) had improved beyond recognition this Monday. I had a job to recognise them as my own. Although, Arthur Itis was getting a little frisky with it when I was writing this.
Warden Deana Saves The Day
Deana rang the door chime and entered – with the parcels of socks in her hand, bless her! They had been left down in the front lobby by the Amazon delivery urchin. Along with several other packages for different people! I thanked her kindly.
Cleaning the teeth broke another tooth, The few teggies left are getting corrosive, But I wash brushing a little aggressive, Shaving, not a single cut or nick, Showered, I almost felt hygienic… On the radio, the London philharmonic, Stubbed my toe; that was chronic… But, I don’t want to nitpick, Even though I tripped over the walking stick!
Food Glorious Food
The dessert was a bit special. On the label, it read; Raspberry Gourmet Greek-style thick & creamy live yoghurt with fruit layer. Confusing innit? Tasted okay. Cooked seasoned sliced Polish pork knuckle with seasonings sarnies, Nigerian podded peas, and crispy chips (oven fries). Flavour rating; 8/10.
Late Phone Call
A call from the opticians came in. Which left me more confused than ever. According to the lady calling me, I did not have an appointment with them. But when I called in there last week on my way to the dentist, I called in to book an appointment, got home and put a date in the calendar, January 4th 2022. She said they had not made an appointment for me?
I’m getting mixed up here; back to the phone call: She asked if I could come in the morning (today at 09:00hrs for an eye test? Presumably, they had had a cancellation?).
Being the keen attentive, alert, sharp sort of person that I’m not, I made another Whoopsiedangleplop; I told her her ‘Yes’ I’d come. Then realised I had the Amazon order coming? Too late to get help ringing her back; the staff had all gone!
Evening Carer Valerie arrived, and I soon fell asleep after she’d gone.
Fed up! Woke up wide awake at midnight and got this blog finished and posted, a little late, but betterer late than never!
I’ll start at the beginning, (Sounds logical to me? – Hehe!) Perhaps I might learn to spell as well… tomorrow…Tsk!
I woke around 03:00hrs and rose gingerly to my feet,
But the knees and legs bothered me most, mate…
Just look at ’em on the left here… What a state!
Still had Arthur Itis giving pain and the flat feet…
Without pains, a life I would think would be incomplete?
The regular fluid retention that usually sinks into the feet seemed now stuck in the top of the legs. My patellas are all knobbly? But I’m not complaining (then anyway).
I began to think through the needs and actions of the potentially hectic mornings requirement. Which, as I noted, were:
Get the ablutions done early, like straight away…
Make sure I do not use the shower as early as this in the morning, so I’ll have a stand-up session at the sink.
Get the teeth done first.
De-coke the nasals.
Saccades eye drops in. (Try to get some of the medication into the eye this time!)
Before shaving, don’t forget to say your little prayer to the Peripheral Neuropathy God. And make sure the aftershave is handy to stop any bleeding.
Do take care medicationalisationing. I can tell already that Little Inchies final lesion has been bleeding cause as soon as I moved, the dried blood cracked as the P.P.’s were adjusted… So be prepared for agony, and brave it out, mate!
Now cometh something that will be as much hassle and pain as anything…
Yes, the sock-glide has to be used for the first time in months! Sorry, but it’s just too cold to go out to the Dentist, barefooted in my shoes this time!
I wish you all the best of luck with carrying out this fearful, scare-making task! But, it’s got to be done!
Things went relatively well as it happened.
As expected. The worst by far was the tender application of the dreaded, feared, always tear bringing…
Tender in the extreme and extra painful cause one has to get to things in the first place… 😢
The Sock-Glide won the ‘Most Hated’, The Most Feared’ awards. But the fungal lesioning retained its status as ‘King of the Excruciating Medicalisationings!’
I was so glad that I got these done and out of the way early on… I even Smug-Moded about it for a while!
I made my first brew of tea, finished off yesterday’s blog, and got it posted off. The Carer came nice and early, so that was nice… her seeing the photo of my legs on the computer screen was a bit harrowing for the gal, though. Hahaha! Me too!
I thanked the girl and offered some nibbles or drinkies in thanks, but she wouldn’t have any. I fang-you! Off she went taking my waste bags to the chute with her.
The computer turned off, and I got down to getting things ready in earnest. Let’s have a think now…
Bus pass to get back home with, yes! Camera, check. Cash card… okay. Keys, Alert bands, Warfarin I.D., yes… Somethings missing, methinks? Aha, shopping list and cash card, Gorrit! By the time I was all ready to go, it was about 08:15hrs as I set out. I got into the lift and down to the ground floor…
Then went back up to the 12th-floor and the flat and got a face mask adorned. Nearly made another cock-up there!
Down and outside, over the road, Accifauxpas, nought!
I turned around, to the view of Winwood Court,
I took a photo of it… well, I thought I aught!
But the gravel hill up into the park made me fraught…
Made it up the hill in one go – but I was heavily breathing,
A dog came from nowhere, barking at me; I was seething!
Nearly ended up mucking my underclothing!
The dog owner arrived, she was chunky, fortysomething…
I fell in love again… the mouth was frothing…
I limped my way through the twitchel no one was about,
I was a little nervy, so I still kept a lookout,
Had a look around as I came out…
That twitchel has an ominous aura, there’s no doubt!.
Down the hill, as far as Elmswood Gardens, then right…
And alongst it. I plodded towards the traffic light…
Mansfield Road road, the spending did start!
Too early for the Dentist, I called into the Wilko store, Laundry booster, Zoflora and Trots tablets… Yes, some more! The tablets were easy to get, four feet from the floor… The booster too high, out of reach, to my displeasure! I ask a lady for help, at her leisure… The Zoflora, bottom shelf, I ended up on the floor! But the ladies laughed and helped me up some more!
Out just in time to get to the Dentist,
They treated me well, although they were pressed…
A new gal training on the reception desk…
I was soon fetched to see the Dentist Oola Bogusz,
As she leant over me, I could sense her firm left bust…
She smiled at me a lot, was I going mad or what?
She and the nurse actually joked with me???
Toothpaste prescription, Something amiss here, just you see!
In no time, I was treated and set free!
I had a funny turn while paying my dues…
Well, I had it when I first joined the queues
These were also patient with me… another ruse?
I have to work this out at home, have a muse…
Why the change? They all usually have a short fuse!
Not many folks about? Most of them had not got facemasks on. Even in the Dentist and Wilko. What’s the matter with them?
Down to the Co-op, to get some cans of their delightful own brand chilli-con-carne… why the tastebuds were salivating at the thought of getting some more cans… But No! The assistant asked the manager for me, and I found that they had stopped stocking this product, Grrr! Gnatwrangles! Damn them! Curses! Flibblegonkackles! Gits! Slobs! Flibblegonkackles! May they go bankrupt! And may whoever it was who decided to stop stocking my beloved cans of Chilli; Get festering, fungal-lesions bursting out slowly all over their body, for at least a full year, before they finally rot away; in absolute agony! Not that it overly bothers me, mind!
Then up to the top of the road to Lloyds Chemist,
Oh, Pharmacy nowadays, sorry, how remiss!
I got the prescription toothpaste from Alice,
Leaving, I trapped my finger in the door…
My Saccades vision is now feeble & poor…
And the left index finger is bloody sore!
I got to the bus stop and met Esther, we had a natter, as she was on her way to the flats to do someones cleaning. Nice to see her. We walked through the link passages together – they can’t touch me for that! Hahaha! (Can they?)
Home Sweet Home!
Well, things didn’t go too bad, well, maybe… erm… either way, I did enjoy the getting out of the flat bit. Although it cost me a lot of dosh, a little blood, frustration and had moments of utter confusion… that’s life, you see… Well, it is for me!
My Route Taken
Yellow on foot – Purple on the bus.
I unloaded the bits of stuff purchased. Of course, there would have been more; had the lousy, stinking, crap-ridden, overcharging, dog-breath, Klunglefrazzled Co-op had some their ‘Honest Value’ Chili-Con Carnie to sell me. But never mind. Shit!
I soon settled into a routine that matched the rest of the day, Drinking spring water, tea and a pee; what a thirst I’d got on me, I may not have been contented, but not depressed, exactly, I started the mammoth task of doing this blog artistically! In between blogging, I even had two callers, socially! A lovely carer to drop off a Christmas card, nice & early.
Even got a phone call from the Doctors surgery, Wanting to arrange a booster shot for me… I explained I’m having it done at the chemist this Saturday, Adding, I’ll see you tomorrow anyway… Why is that? she did say, ‘For medical, the yearly…’ No, you’re not booked in, evidently? I’ll check, hang on, she said wearily… I’ve got it on my calendar, my dearie? Have I got it wrong again? Am I illusory? Nothing on our records, she added hastily… Oh, a free day for me then, that’s satisfactory… Maybe I can have a hassle-free day? Yes, well, I’ll see, you may be hearing again from me?
The feet, after not wearing socks for months, continuous…
Felt okay, but the legs were feeling somewhat lethiferous,
So, I wound up the trouser legs, oh, the fuss…
What a change to earlier ones, more flush,
Still swollen, at the top, but fatter lower down?
Will the fluid flow with a gush?
Will things spurt in a rush?
Will the legs turn to a sodden mush?
Will the world, these limbs discuss?
Will the cause be revealed, as dracunculus?
Look what I found in the middle of the kitchen floor!
A rock hard escapee garden pea, what is more…
The miracle is, how I hadn’t noticed it before?
Has my eyesight, really got that poor?
Am I going potty? I’m not sure…
Camera Out – Balcony Utilised!
To take some snaps of the wonderful view.
The amazing sky, shown in the first two…
In a couple of shots of Chestnut walk, you won’t see any queue,
The place is sparse of people. what can I do?
Are they all inside, eating sausages, fish or making a fondue?
Mayhap some are trying on their Christmas tutu?
Or on holiday in Bulwell, Cardiff or Timbuktu?
Perhaps absent, gone off on a romantic rendezvous?
It’s possible a few could be feeling sozzled or blue?
Out buying food, but the panic buyers are in the queue?
Or in town, with their free bus passes to renew?
I’d speculate more; if only I knew…
Where they have all gone, what are they up to?
Ah, gorrit! Christmas! They’ll be making their homebrew!
Well, I’d better get some food – salad or a stew?
No, vegetarian sausages and root potatoes… that’ll do,
I’ll take a photo of it later, just for you to have a peekaboo!
Vegetarian! Royal grown potatoes, root vegetable mash, tomatoes, Nigerian podded peas, Veggie sausages, cheese and bean pastie, with orange jelly and spray cream for dessert!
Taste Rating: 7.9/10 – Delicious!
Part of ‘The Nottingham Lads True Tales of Woe In Rhyme’
To all my thousands of fans throughout the world, I wish you all good fortune, fun, festivities, euphoria and future financial prosperity! (To both of you!)