Inchcock Today: Not a Good One!

10th August 202210th August 2022 / Inchie / 2 Comments

We’ll start with the Ode,
Cause I’m tired and old,
Sorry, there’s no centrefold…
Oh, dearie me, I just scowled.
Just stubbed my toe; I let a naughty word go…
Read about another murderer being paroled!

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Hope this one gets a smile or even a laugh…

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Today felt like the longest day – ever!

0525hrs: I sprang awake with the usual verbal Huh! In mental confusion and a mind-muddle. That’s also a regular awakening scenario.
However, I was soon out of the c1968 recliner. And after a regulation wee-wee; The brain seemed to come partially together, and I remembered both the Amazon order was coming today and the delightful Carol to do the washing in place of Esther. The Amazon order should be the gigantic bottle of Ben’s hickory smoked barbecue sauce on its way to me. I adore the flavour of this one. It may not as strong as some other sauces are, but it’s smoked to perfection! And along with the wonderful Stubbs Hickory Liquid Smoke, will be used in the chilli I make. This passes Josies and my taste buds test to a tee! I also use it on the veggie burgers. Oh, I do live well… That might be a slight exaggeration. Hehe!

I checked the state of the plates first, not the dinner plates, my plates of meat, feet. They looked good, but they were painful underfoot. Having said that, They’ve been a lot worse, so I’m not going to grumble!
For some weird reason, I remembered the mould on the bottom of the shower area. I got the Mr Muscle Spray and used it all, covering the affected area. Then thought I’d leave it for the recommended 15 minutes and, naturally, I forgot all about it. Ahem! !

I made up the waste bags, then I cleaned the cooker top… I did think about cleaning the oven… but, well, you know how it is… Hehehe!

Arrived and inquired as he came through the door what that smell was. At this point, I remembered the mould spray I’d lathered the wet room and floor with. Richard went in, looked around and turned to me with that famous half-smile and a he is, look on his face! He pointed out that I’d used shower gel, not a mould cleaner. He helpfully told me to nip down to Sherwood and buy some. Hehe!

It was so late in the night that by the time I made a start on this blog, my eyes were making it so hard for me to see properly. The notes on the ‘remember-pad’ have wriggling letters and words, so I’ll have to either guess or ignore what I cannot decipher. Sorry!

I’d not heard from HRH or Billum for a while. I was a little worried, so sent an email asking how things were – with hopes that they were okay. I love them both; they have such great personalities and are caring people.

Little did I know of what lay in store for me today. Ups and downers and more frustrations through things I did wrongly cost me dearly in time. I was up all day and night, trying to make things right again. Humph!

Carol, the ex-carer, who is standing in for Esther, came in, but of course, I could not hear her. Good job that I wasn’t using the bucket or medicating any bleeding areas at the time. I mentioned that it would be best if she pressed the doorbell before coming in. I spoke very matter-of-factly so as not to hurt her feelings. She apologised, and I said there is no need for that; you were not to know. She’s a lovely lady. She took the laundry for washing and said she will return. Bless her.

Now all the scribbling I’d done for over 14 hours was getting harder to read. I think I see “To the waste chute with Richard… Stubbed Toe and then mixed in. Back at the flat – Carol returned with the washing. But there is a lot of writing that means nothing to me now. Grungleturds! Carol and I had a natter, and she left the bag in the junk room for me. I still haven’t got around to taking the clothes out as hung up yet! It’d been the sort of day.

I do remember a … Oh, yes! As Carol was leaving, I, yes me! Realised I’d not paid her yet! Which I did, post haste… well, as soon as I found where I’d left my money, that took the edge off of my smugness, Hahaha! Another line of nothingness on the pad.

As I sat down to check on the Amazon delivery tracker, Anne Gyna kicked off, and she made a good job of it. So much so that like yesterday, I took gulps of Pentax, and having taken an extra Beta-Blocker, I dare not take any more, so took a Codeine 30g, but she’s been at me ever since. Even now, so many hours later, Anne is letting me know she’s still there, and it’s nearly midnight now! Being worried about Billum and HRH isn’t helping, I suppose. Worra day!

I then sorted it out. Better late than never.
The figures looked okay to me, and the body temperature was almost spot-on. Surely the NHS result configurator will show this time a lower overall figure? I put in the numbers on their site, And sure enough, I was nearly in the amber zone. Yee-Ha!
I had an email come in while I was making this graph copy. It was from the wonderboys at Iceland – telling me the order is on its way, but with a few changes – confusing ones at that!

At least I got some No-Bull mushroom steaks and Vegan Ice cream. Not that I needed the ice cream at all; after finding out how much I’d already got in the freezer when I put the goods away later when they arrived. Well, would it be impossible to put them away before they arrive? Hahaha! It’s also so sad that the best burgers, the No-Moo brand, have stopped being stocked by Iceland – The Gits! I can’t find any of the other shops that are stocking them! Humph! The Iceland order arrived. The chap went through and put the food bags into the kitchen for me.

I thanked him and offered a cold drink for both men. Vodka and lime and a G & T were selected.
I had an extra problem on my hands now. Reading the short life dates on the chips, potatoes, burgers and what was the other thing? I forget now; it seems like days since the delivery to me, with no sleep for so long. Grumps!
I got the things in the fridge as quickly as I could. I needed a bit of jiggling about to make everything fit in there.
I spotted the vegan cheese that I bought earlier. Must get that used up.
You see here on the left what I mean about my being overstocked on the vegan ice cream? That is because they (Iceland) have stopped selling the No-Moo burgers, and I suspect that the ice cream might be the next to be abandoned. I have little confidence in Iceland’s system.

Got on the computer, at last, to start finalising yesterday’s blog. I can see another early morning to bed job for me again. But soon got disturbed. But on this occasion, I welcomed it, for it was Carol returning the laundry. This is when I got smug at remembering I’d not paid her, then looking somewhat of a , when it took me five minutes to find my cash so I could pay Carol. Tsk!

I found that two letters had been posted; one was the DVT Warfarin Anticoagulation figures and doses. The other was from the CT4N transport.

Some of the writing on the leaflet from CT4N I could read. The graph with the prices for each trip out and in, or in and out, was clearly seeable. So, I assume I can use my oldies bus pass to get the cheaper rate, I think. So, it will cost me £9 for each of the 24 sessions of the Diabetes Training or whatever it’s called.
I must see Deana tomorrow to see if she’s arranged a lift for each session for me. Cause I reckon it says I’ve got to ring them for each trip? The eight A4 double-sided pages on rules and actions needed to use them (DT4N) are just too small to read. I think I can feel Cataract Cathleen laughing inside my head. Hahaha!

He’s now playing away at drilling, and knock-knocking, with the occasion clattering sound effects. Not getting on well with the blogging at all here. However, I did finally get the Monday post done and sent off, 14 hours later than usual, to WP. Email links were sent out, and then the “Oh, Susana” tune chimed away.

It was the Amazon delivery. Well, a part of it anyway. The extra-large super-duper Ben’s hickory smoked barbecue sauce, my taste buds were tingling at the thought of it! It is mouth-wateringly tasty!
I think I must have got something wrong again when I ordered the writing pads. I’,m sure I used the steel ruler to measure that t the page size would be the same as the ones I’m using now… but no!
You see the pack of eight pads next to the BBQ sauce bottle – eight pads! The bottle of Ben’s is thicker than the pads are wide!
I think my Arithmophobia let me down again somewhere along the line in ordering these. Ah, well, I’m not really surprised. I’m just so annoyed with myself again!
Then the biggest time-coster of the day… …
Last week, I made up some of the tabs, like the Whoopsiedangleplop one above, in this colour, ready to use here. I can even remember when I did them. Straight after, the metal-tasting reflux came up, followed by a scary Dizzy Dennis bout. Within minutes things improved, but although I was close to getting my head down, I stayed up all night CorelDrawing and creating the tabs. (Truth is, I was weary of sleeping in case the reflux came up again). I am a cowardy-custard!) So today should have saved me time, not cost me it!
I went to use the first one and realised I made them all the wrong size. I thought at first, slightly annoyed again, I’ll just have to edit each one with a new size; time-consuming, yes, but a damned site better than having to spend literally hours making a new set… I thought.
❶ I didn’t realise that the editor only allows you one edit per photo per graphic, and I could not alter them. ❷ But before I could start to create a new set, I had to clear the blog gallery of all the old ones, so they wouldn’t clash with the new ones! So, I did! ❸ Then, take all the old ones off of the hard-drive file to lighten the load on that, so I did! ❹ Double checking that the file and gallery were free of all the old ones, and at just the wrong moment shook me silly; I’ve no idea what I might have pressed as the cursor shot across the screen… but Corel Draw closed itself down! I genuinely think I might have cried! ❺ As if she was mocking me, kicked off!

❻ I stopped, and a Dracula Depression fought its way through the pain to get at me. And a sad Inchy just sat in the chair here, saying nothing, but the Thought-Storms were raging. I felt so sorry for myself, then I felt ashamed, and it was me sinking to a new low… ❼ Silly, but I believed a mug of tea would somehow help and went to the kitchen to put the kettle on… ❽ I didn’t make it, for fortuitously I got a en route… which made me even angrier, I’m not one for getting angry, but this time I think I was; everything blurred for a short while as if I was walking through fire and smoke… I’m not joking! The pain I was in must have triggered some defence mechanism I’ve not had before. For I suddenly resolved myself not to be beaten – and returned to the computer, and admittedly with a certain amount of incertitude, restarted CorelDraw. ❾ Of course, then I had lost the last saved version of the file! So, I saved this saved version to the old name, and things looked good. Hope was in the air! ❿ Then, all I had to do was pray that neurotransmitters and SSS didn’t bother me again and spent well over two more hours getting the new set of tabs completed!
I’d not had a shave or wash; I was in agony and so tired… yet this new spirit of resistance won the day, and I could get on with this blog once again. A SUPER . But was soon disturbed, in the nicest way…

By Cheeky Charley, the cheerful tonight carer. Because last night, I had dropped a tablet, tonight she hand-fed them to me, one at a time. She washed my stomach, where some blood had dropped earlier in the day when bile came up, and Charley made sure I was feeling okay before she left, all chirpy and gay! I think tonight she was going on the Girlie-Night-Out, and if so, I bet she was the star of the show, wherever they went. Hahaha! ♥

Back to the blogging grindstone, but a happier lad… well, I say lad… I was so worn out mentally, but Anne Gyna eased off at last, and then I had a break and checked on the emails. To Billum and HRH Lisa, they had replied to my email, letting me know they were okay and recovering from a nightmare hospital visit for Lisa. The nightmare was the hotel they were staying in. So much noise they could not get any sleep. Youngsters with their music and noise. Which is so sad. Between the three of us, who all suffer from sleep deprivation, and all three of us get it at the same time! I’m just thankful their absence was not caused by illness or accident; they both have more than enough to cope with as it is. This news kept me going. I checked the email again.

Billum let me know a bit more of his Whoopsiedangleplops. HRH and he went through. A sad Tale of Woe. We three share that trait. Hehehe!

Evening All!

The Stroke Ward then Care Home

20th November 202120th November 2021 / Inchie / 17 Comments

First, I’d like to explain that as bad as I thought my Stroke was at the time, after being taken to the Queens Medical Centre, diagnosed with having had an Embolic stroke, I thought I’d been lucky. Then I was transferred to the Newell Stroke Ward at the Nottingham City Hospital; I soon realised it was not bad at all!

The event took place while I was in the land of nod. I woke to find myself all disoriented, dizzy, and confused. I was sprawled half-in, half-out of the £300, second-hand, c1968, eyesorely-horrendously grungy coloured, haemorrhoid-testing, unfit-for-use, recliner. Unable to sit up at all, I was lolling to my right. Actually, I thought I might be dreaming at the time and sort of waiting for the fog to clear – of course, it didn’t. The most embarrassing thing in my life (Bar one, but I’ll not mention that!)…

Mass Bodily Fluids Flood – The deluge!

Miss this first section if you are queasy!

(A lifesaver, thanks to Nottingham City Homes!) And the deluge came! Trying to work out what was happening and pondered on whether to press the Medical Alarm Wristlet button…

Every part of my body that could leak leaked! This was without any warning and so rapid, even the tears that eructed out and I think missed the face cheeks it was so violent. The nose ran, sweat poured from all over, I dribbled from the mouth – but the worst two of all – the bowel evacuation almost shot out, and the wee-weeing too! (at The QMC later, the Doctor said that my ear wax turned to liquid?)

Even pressing the alert button was hard work; I was swaying about and fell out of the chair onto the floor as I got to the control and pushed it. Then found out I could not talk to the controller who answered the alarm!

QMC – Then City Hospital Stroke Ward

Yet I was aware of the mess I was in and ashamed! But I was talking again, but so aware of how I must have looked and smelt! A blank spell from then on until I was being pushed into the scan room at the Queens Medical Centre.

Memory went until I was in an ambulance on the way to the City Hospital stroke ward, The Newell Ward. They kept taking me for e-rays and scans for the day, but I can now recall little of the processes.

Sister Jane and Pete turned up later. Having been to the flat and cleaned up the mess I had made – Bless Them! So many of the patients were in a much worse condition than I was, which made me realise how lucky I had been. Walking again needed some therapy, and since then, I have started stuttering. With Peripheral Neuropathy diagnoses two weeks earlier, walking ever since is a challenge nowadays. But it could have been so much worse!

One morning, a new patient arrived. He looked like the spitting image of Tyson Fury. They had to move some beds to make room for him, which he was wheeled in on.

Then The Wailing Nights Began!

For about ten hours every single night – for fifteen of them, the poor chap would start calling out for his Mummy! No one else got any sleep! But it was not his fault, naturally. The insults being thrown out to him from other patients desperately needing sleep obviously made no difference.

After the first two or three nights, Tyson (I never knew his name, I can’t remember it if I did), who had been placed near the door, opposite the rota board, realised he could see the names of the other patients, and he would go through everyone… ‘Bill, Bill, help me!’ ‘Malcolm, I need help, fetch my Mum, please!’ ‘Dennis, call for my Mum, I beg you!’ And so forth… then start again repeatedly for hours longer!

The insults and lousy language slowly got worse as the frustrations grew in the other occupants. “F’ing shut your F’ing Gob!” and “Oi… shitting nob-rot, shut the F’s up” are two that come to mind, of the many. Although I had sympathy and empathy with Tyson’s plight and had resisted joining in the angry banter… on the last the 15th night, I very nearly did, but I didn’t.

Unfortunately, they gave me Clopidogrel to help prevent any more blood clots. Then found out I had an allergy to them. Hence the ankle ulcer and extra bloated feet and legs.

Move Me To A Nursing Home

I was so relieved when a doctor told me that they were desperate for beds for new stroke victims. Relieved? Ha! Had I known what was to come, I would have refused to go! They would be moving me later in the day into a Nottingham City Homes care home for a couple of months.

The single room, with adjoining WC with a shower, was nice and snug. There were no shortages of residents to come in and have a look around and help themselves to anything they fancied. Amongst the things that went missing were one hearing aid, pens, biscuits and a pair of socks. I later saw a bloke wearing the easily identifiable diabetic bamboo socks. My Get Better Teddy Bear from TFZer Pattie in Canada disappeared, but I found it in the TV room?

The routine went like this:

A carer would come in to help me get the ankle strap on each morning. They all got it wrong, nearly crippled me! Hehe! The door would open (no locks), and a mystery voice would yell out, ‘Breakfast in ten!’ Then give me the medications. I missed many breakfasts.
Occasionally a cleaner would come in to ‘do’ the toilet and moan if I’d left any shaving foam in the sink or floor.
The midday food summoning would be something like “Tea!”, “Food!” or “Nosh” followed by the estimated time I have to be down for. I missed a few meals.
Evenings, medications and taking the ankle strap off.

Inchcock with his retrieved Teddy Bear! ♥

I was told not to leave the site at any time. During the nine weeks, I was there, my laundry was only returned to me three times. Sister Jane and Pete kept me supplied with socks and shirts from the flat. They asked me to make a statement for the police when a bloke attacked a woman with a knife.

If nothing else, this experience has made me all the more determined to avoid going into a care home.

In a Repeated Dream

For several weeks after leaving the Car Home, and Jane and Pete returning me to the flats, I had a repeating dream… I would be leaving the hospital… with the Grim Reaper calling me back to the Stroke Ward. I don’t think it got to me badly, but I was glad when they stooped! (Watch it now, the bloody thing will start again!) Haha!

Part of the Inchcock True Tales of Woe & Make E’m Laugh Series!

Inchcocks First Accident On His Bike!

18th October 202118th October 2021 / Inchie / 4 Comments

It’s A Funny Old World

Working out at Worksop,
At the Nottingham Co-op,
I nibbled chips and a rollmop,
Wanted to get home at the gallop,
To watch Hettie Winthrop,
Fog so thick, I couldn’t see the bus stop,
Avoided it on my bike, and I was off,
Traffic bad kept coming to a stop…
At the bend near the tuckshop,
Things were at a dead stop…
Kerbed it, bike went over the treetop,
Me down the hill, in a mangled flop,
Later being found by a traffic cop,
Bloodied, shaking, all of a quop,
Officer took me to the cop shop,
I don’t want to name drop…
Yootha Joyce was there, drunk as a sop,
And this is not a codswallop!
She hiccuped and did a bellyflop!
To me, she was the cream of the crop!

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This is the actual bike before the Accifauxpas… Hehehe!

TTFNski!

Inchcock’s wobble to Nottingham, in the rain. Wet-through, Water-logged, and Wringing-wet. Hey-Ho!

21st December 2019 / Inchie / 14 Comments

Inchcock’s wobble to Nottingham, in the rain

5Fri08

Got off the bus with some help from a stranger, walked down to town,

Galloping Horses were swirling or spinning around,

But no one riding on them, I found,

Damned shakes, I dropped the flipping camera on the ground,

Retrieved it painfully, and took some more shots from around.

5Fri09 The overcharging food stalls, cooking their repast,

As Nottinghamian’s, just strolled past.

5Fri11 The Nottingham Slab Square, It’s always there, It looked a right mess, to be fair!

5Fri12 Off I plodded, to the Poundland Shop,

T’was only a short little hop,

In search of drain unblocker and other codswallop!

5Fri13 I entered the premises, soaking wet,

I bought too much stuff again, not to fret,

I still had a little money left yet,

I gave the helpful lady, a thank you, she is a pet,

And gave her a can of Gin & Tonic!

5Fri14 Paid-up, and out into the rain again,

Arthur Itis and Anne Gyna were giving me a little pain,

Determined, to resist depression,

Mind you, I had indigestion,

And a slightly confused brain!

5Fri16 On to South Parade,

Dizzy Dennis visited, unwanted,

So, progress was delayed,

He soon dissipated,

I was glad but amazed!

5Fri017 I took a photo, down Exchange Walk,

Not many folks having a talk on their phone?

People all around, yet I felt so alone,

Chewing gum littered where the folks walked.

I hobbled, struggling with the three-wheeled trolly-guide,

Through the Exchange arcade,

And out the other side,

For these stallholders, I’m afraid,

Not much money will be made!

5Fri20 King Street in the rain, showed another Council pain,

Yes, chewing gum on the pavement again!

I bet they don’t have this trouble in Bahrain,

I view ditching gum on the floor, with disdain!

5Fri22

I crossed to the other side of Long Row,

Got under alcove-cover to take these, don’t you know,

The only permanent retailer was busy serving, on the go,

The folks in the rain, well, it’s better than snow!

5Fri24 I was well wet, and a little cold,

Not good for me, now I’m getting old,

Good job I’d had my flu jab, the anticold,

Despite the rain, I had to be bold,

So I dashed, wobblingly, to the bus stop, wet and cold!

5Fri25 T’was bleak on Queen Street, waiting for the L9,

5Fri26 And the hands didn’t look very fine!

It didn’t look like it was mine,

But I mustn’t whine,

I mused of things like Mnemosyne,

Then took a moody picture, it came out fine!

5Fri27 The bus arrived, and it brought on a smile,

It’s coming eased my cold and chagrin,

I went to get on, missed the step by a mile,

A bloke picked me and the trolley up, and helped us in,

I was alright after a while,

But this trip out, left me needing Codeine and Amoxicillin!

WDP 09L

Vital Advice for Nottinghamian Senior Citizens, Part one – In Rhyme, of sorts

27th October 2019 / Inchie / 2 Comments

They’re dangerous, uncouth and some are blind,

The ignorant swine are uncaring, and what’s more,

They often hit you, coming silently from behind,

Leaving your hand arm or elbow, feeling sore,

They test your sanity, patience and mind,

They’ve no warning bells or horn, that’s for sure,

Belting along the pavements, they are a bind,

It’s no use if you beg and implore,

For them to leave more room, not be so unkind,

The few who reply, use sneers, curse-words obscure,

To roads and cycle paths they should be confined,

Their insults, two fingers you’ll have to endure,

Best to use your walking stick – hit ’em on the jaw!

But that’s no solution, not a good idea, you see,

Cause they are young, fit and violence-loving,

They offer scowls and are threatening to me,

Some ride at me, I have to do some manoeuvering,

Which ain’t easy with the walker to push, you see!

Empathy, sympathy, and understanding they are avoiding,

Making this old fart, run and flee!

Taking their photograph may get me a beating,

But don’t give up the struggle, become an attritee,

Join me on my hobbles, bring a Glock, that’s the thing!

They don’t scare me though… well, not too much.

Alright, the law-breaking and getting-away-with-it ‘Gits’ do!

Inchcock Today – Saturday 20th to Sunday 21st April: The Oaks Residential Care Home

4th May 2019 / Inchie / 2 Comments

The Oaks Residential Care Home

Saturday 20th to Sunday 21st April 2019

Malay: Sabtu 20 Hingga Ahad 21hb April 2019

Saturday 03:00hrs.Rose and got the shower and shaving done, readied the washed earlier foot controller-pad ready for help with being put on. Wrote pas for staff to get some disposable razors and a newspaper for me sometime and asked carer if this would be possible. The answer was now, not today. The radiators in the hallway outside the door started rattling, clanging and banging away.

Pete called, I called him back. Asked if he could bring some aftershave for me on his next visit (Still waiting) with him. He said yes.

12:50hrs, egg sarnies and a cake for the meal. Settled to watch some Carry On Films, beginning with Carry-On Don’t Lose Your Head The radiators began clattering and banging again. Some engineers in attendance to try and mend the problem. Which continued.

Got the dizzies. Had a veg-curry and rice for my nosh. No dessert. Feeling bilious, but it cleared later. No sleep due to the now louder than ever radiators clanging away. They calmed down then, but they were still giving some noise out. Casino Royale watched on the box, medications given.

The radiators changed to sound like a slow turnover diesel engine.

Then watched the Men in Black, film as some cars were racing each other outside.

Sunday 21st 03:00hrs. The radiators in the hallway outside the door started rattling and banging away, waking up several tenants. I got up and had a shower and shave. Got the foot controller-pad ready for help with being put on.

At 04:00hrs the radiators changed to a tune like a battering ram.

Shave and shower Still awaiting the aftershave. Thus more nicks and cuts acquired. Jan and Pete called. No aftershave yet, still waiting. Radiators changed tune to like a throb-bang-shudder routine. Karen bought my medications. Nosh was a hot dog with onions (Tasty!)

The ankle-pad was applied by the delicious carer.

Radiators altered to a noise like chug-chug-bang routine.

Arguments and bad language at nosh-time.

Then changed to a sort of Dub dun-dun rattle, with the odd bang thrown in. Later, changing to a persitent Ratatat, thud bang. But very loud now!

Inchcock Today – Wed 27 Mar 2019: A diverse, niggly, oddly-most day!

28th March 2019 / Inchie / 4 Comments

ZZZZX12

Wednesday 27th March 2019

Scots Gaelic: Diciadain 27 Màrt 2019

23:54hrs. I woke up reluctantly. A throbbing headache and Shaking Shaun and Dizzy Dennis toying with me, all at the same time. I lay there, feeling a tad dispirited and waited until things calmed down. Shaking Shaun let go of my body first. Dizzy Dennis later, but the headache remained, throbbing away. I remembered I have the food delivery coming twixt 06:00 > 00:700hrs. No blood test this week. I felt there was something else to be aware of, but could not pinpoint it. Eventually, the need for the Porcelain Throne arrived. I manipulated my grossly over-stomached body free of the £300 second-hand, ci1968 rickety recliner, and off to the wet room.

3Wed001 The legs and feet felt much improved this morning, (not the knees, they were Arthur Itis affected in the extreme) as I walked far easier than of late. The evacuation went well, despite it being of the mini-rugby ball style. Made a nice change that did, Hehe!

The legs knees had lost a lot of warpedness, the lower shins had gained some blue tinge spots, many blood papsules seem to have disappeared, and the pale anaemicness had been replaced with the yellow pigmentation again. Still, it is interesting to find out how and what on the pins has changed each morning. Hehe! It took my mind off of the throbbing head for a while.

Got the kettle on and the Health Checks done. Sys 145, Dia 78, Pulse 78 and Temp 35.1°. Took the medications, then I got the computer on and began to update the Tuesday blog.

Hours later (without any wee-weeing!) I got it finished and sent off.

To the kitchen to make a brew of tea. I took two snaps of the morning skyline through the unwanted light and view-blocking windows with the glass that it is impossible to reach to clean. The first one I used Gold Auto mode, the second, Green Auto mode? The green was far closer to how the sky actually looked.

Well, well, well. It had to happen because it hadn’t happened for ages now. I stubbed my corn toe on the edge of the cupboard bottom. Naturally, being the refined person I am, there were no cursing, swearing or unhealthy words uttered. (Fib Mode Detected!) Hehehe!

I made up a Morning Thought ode and graphic for today’s Inchcock Today. I may well be a poetaster and baviaan (a writer of insignificant, meretricious, and shoddy poetry), but I love writing it.

I began this post and got as far as here on it. Aha, a wee-wee needed. Ten minutes later another was required. Both of these were of the SNSWW (Short-No-Sensation-Wee-wee) variety.

I went on Pinterest to put some photographs on, then to Facebook.

Tended to the ablutions next. Which went well, no shaving cuts, Harolds Hemorrhoids not bleeding, no toe stubbing, and no knocks or bruises… well, at first anyway.

The fun and games (pain and agony might have been a better description) of getting the new Amazon bought, men’s diabetic long bamboo-fibre socks with stretch non-tight tops on, proved dangerous, harmful and more effort than I would have liked! But all the same, if you could have seen my efforts, you would have been in tucks. Even I was! The right leg was not to difficult, and idiotically, I let a touch of ‘Smugness-Mode’ creep in. The real show was with the left leg. I kept getting up to rest on the right leg while I got the sock rolled up ready – and it kept springing off, repeatedly. I gained two new bruises and a scratch, as the leg clouted the floor cabinet corner, the floor and once the Porcelain bowl! Finally, I changed tactics and lifted the leg with the sock in hand to try to avoid resting it to get the sock on – got it on and fell backward hitting the back of my head on the door! That did the headache a lot of good! Oy Vey, I’ll be glad when the sock glide becomes available for me to collect from the surgery. But when that is likely to be, is anyone’s guess!

Still, once I got them both on, I found they were very comfortable and came up above the knees.

Just leaving me with the concerns about them off later, to worry about! Hehehe!

Unfortunately, I found the socks were creeping down below the knees minutes later. Humph! But, I’m getting used to living with my being pitifully accident-prone and luckless. I suppose I’ll just have to accept that I’ll never enjoy oblectation or success ever again! Grumph!

I made a brew and got on the computer to update today’s badinage, while I waited for the food to arrive.

Dang me! I’ve got earache now to accompany the cephalalgy! Tsk!

3Wed06 07:50hrs now. The Ocado order is due between 07:00>08:00hrs.

I looked out of the unwanted light and view-blocking new kitchen window, with its unable to access areas to clean, to see if any signs of the delivery could be sited. Nope! Just a line of tenants parked cars, none reversed into.

I had a look at the Ocado site.

3Wed07

It seems they are having problems. Order status, ‘We are preparing your order’ it said? Not good, is it!

08:15hrs, no food from Ocado yet?

I went on CorelDraw.

What a plonka! I’d ordered the food for the evening, not morning! Tsk! So now I have to stay awake if I can manage it. Globstuckenists!

I got the things ready and went to the Nottingham City Homes, Winwood Heights, Hauptbereitschaftsleiteress Warden’s Temporary HQ. Sarcasm & Insult distribution area. Tenants Socialisationistical Meeting Shed. Telling Inchcock off Zone. Where things like crockery and pottery get stolen from, Rumourmongering Clinic, and somewhere to rest while waiting for the bus, Portakabin.

I called to see Frank on the way out. Jenny is still very poorly.

I felt terrible for Jenny and Frank. Off to the hut. Running the gauntlet of vehicular dangers.

3Wed08 No one in. A few tenants arrived, and I had a chinwagging session with them. But, Dizzy Dennis attacked me, and the Porcelain Throne summoning visited again. So I decided to return back to the flat and not go out today. I wasn’t in a good mood or feeling on top form anyway. As I went through the lobby, I spotted a washing machine was not in use. I got up to the flat ASAP, Porcelain Throne duties carried out, then back down with the washing.

Back up to the apartment and had a we 3Wed09 e-wee, then back down with the crossword book, to the lobby.

Got the washer going, and had a natter with some people who I did not know for a while. I moved the gear to the dryer.

Doris and Mo, then Gaynor arrived and stopped for a chinwag and laugh. I had another a go at the crossword puzzles, with the help of Malcolm and Mo. Well, they laughed at my failure with the crossword. Hehe!

The headache and the knees and feet were all giving me hassle. I was getting irritable with myself, and feeling so tired again. Not getting out, didn’t help I suppose.

Got the dried stuff folded and in the bag. Cleaned the filter and drum, and up to the flat. Not in a good mood for some reason, still getting irked at myself.

I set about getting the meal prepped when the phone rang. IT was Sister Jane, who had left her phone on loudspeaker, and I could not understand much that she was saying. She took the speaker off, and things improved. “Will I be in on Friday around 10:00hrs, as she and Pete would pay me a visit?” I explained about the possible Emails. I am expecting about the sock-glide, the GUM clinic, and the Kidney appointments, all to give me a time to go to the relative place. She told me to ring her if I was not going to be in. I agreed, as was too nervous not to. Haha! The mess she will see in the flat will not go down well.

3Wed10 I got my clothes off and the glorious old slippers on. Then the computer on to update this blog. (You watch it, someone will call on or ring me now!)

Got the nosh sorted out and served up.

Chips with stewed steak and a sourdough baguette to soak up the gravy with.

3Wed11 Got the nosh eaten up.

Not one of my best efforts. 5/10 Flavour rating. Washed the pots and got in the second-hand, £300 ci1968 recliner to watch some TV.

Determined not to fall asleep and miss the late Ocado delivery… Zzzz!

By pure good luck, I woke at 1830hrs in need of 3Wed12 a meg-mega, slow trickling wee-wee! And realised I had to rise, get some clothing on, and get ready for the food delivery.

Which came at 1920hrs.

I found that the tray of five Sicilian tomatoes had now gone up to… wait for it…

This will surprise you, it did me!

£5! Cor blimey! Love a duck!

I got on the computer to update this diary.

I got as far as here, and just had to stop and get some kip.

No doubt about it, a diverse oddlymost day!

Why Inchcock’s Confidence is at an all-time low. An Ode, laugh and a truth”

7th March 2019 / Inchie / 3 Comments

Thoughts that Inchcock considers as vital information to pass-on to the younger generation, in a bid to help them decide when to top themselves.

Knowing what is coming to them in old age.

Here starteth the THOUGHTS of WOE

My confidence is at an all-time low,
Things I need, disappear, memories don’t flow,
What’s right, wrong or real, where to go,
Sometimes frustrated, I’ve a wee-wee overflow,
I can’t play an instrument, trumpet or piano!

I fall asleep anytime, anywhere, stunts my workflow,
A bag-of-nerves, no confidence, I’m going loco,
Will I ever regain my sanity? I just don’t know,
Losing my mobility capabilities is a severe blow!

Just some of the programmes I miss watching, though,
Red Dwarf, The A-Team, Heartbeat, Boon & Columbo,
All on Freeview now, but I can’t watch them though,
I can’t stay awake long enough to watch a TV show!

I eat foods from Idaho, Sesotho, Mexico, Morocco,
Montenegro, and Puerto Rico, as my stomach, does grow!
I can’t see my feet when stood up, you know!
Lost Faith in Muslim, Christianity, Gnosticism & Shinto!
In Tellurians, politicians, banks, and Boll-Weevils, too!

Getting up in a morning is a pitiful, painful fiasco,
As are bending, stretching and lifting things is also,
But the mental side, the brain burst into a crescendo,
But no ideas, aims, plans, designs or manifesto,
Always, I use the feeble excuse, “I’ll get it done tomorrow!”

In depression, moroseness I will often wallow,
Meekly go along with others, revealing no bravado,
The only solution is a brain transplant to undergo,
Then I can take lessons, in Judo and Aikido,
Become a Champion, a success, make lots of dough!

Go on TV with Richard Attenborough,
Defeat my enemies, crush my foe!
Become admired, a local hero!
Get a job in Santa’s Grotto!
Or should I just get blotto?

Just a few of the daily ailments below that you can expect.

I didn’t put the Kidney stones, blood poisoning or Mental Decay on the list for fear of making it sound a tad too bleak for the ankle-snappers!

Inchcock Today: Mon 31st Dec 2018: Best if it is forgotten! Humph!

1st January 2019 / Inchie / 7 Comments

Monday 31st December 2018

23:40hrs. I woke and stayed where I was, preciously perched half-on, half-off of the £300 second-hand rickety recliner. The mind deep in muddled, confusing thoughts. I spent a few moments trying to reclaim some recollections of the dream I knew I’d been having, and that it was not pleasant, could no memories were found lurking in the brain-box. Various bits came to mind for the day… The Asda (Walmart) delivery is due twit 06:00>07:00hrs. Another jet of wee-wee was building up. At least on the Furesomide, although the powerful evacuations cause splashbacks and a little pain, at least I get some warning beforehand now. What time is it? (Good heavens 2340hrs!) The fluid retaining legs feel a lot easier this morning. Hello, a Quick visit from Dizzy Dennis and Reflux Roger is kicking-off. The stomach is rumbling. Why are some of the Papsules bleeding? Maybe I might have been scratching them during the night? Did I take last nights medications? (I found out I had later, Phew!) I wonder if Nurse Nichole will do me today at the blood test? I mustn’t forget the Doctors appointment either… on and on the mind waffled to itself!

When I eventually tried to remove my hog-like body from the recliner, I felt Inchies Fungal Lesion crack and bleed, at precisely the same time a message arrived from the innards, telling me to get to the Porcelain Throne without delay! (I recalled at the time, thinking this does not bode well for the day’s fortunes, circumspection needed methinks. Hehe!)

Avoiding knocking anything down or any toe stubbing, I was off of the chair and got to the wet room and onto the Throne. (The legs felt a lot better, but the left ankle was giving me some grief) The splattery evacuation was all over within about ten-seconds! The cleaning and medicating of Little Inchies lesion took about ten excruciating minutes! Humph!

Another slight Dizzy Dennis spell as I left the wet room. I went to the kitchen to take the medications. Adding an extra Simvastatin to counter the ever-active sticking Roger Reflux valve!

1Mon01

Made a brew of good-strong Assam tea, and had another LHBLWW (Long Hosepipe-Blasting like Wee-wee).

While sitting at the computer making up the above graph of the INR Warfarin test results… I felt itching on my back, just below the neck, and it just had to be scratched! Which turned out to be somewhat of a problem for me, as I could not reach the spot that needed attending to. I tried up against the corner of the door, but this was very awkward and painful as I could not control the amount of pressure I was applying.

1Mon01a Then I tried using the small ‘picker-upper’ stick to apply some Germolene cream and have a good scratch at the same time, but this proved to be a bloodier approach to the problem! Hehehe! Puzzled by what it was I was having a go at, I set about manipulating my right hand with my right hand and forcing the hand to reach to the area. I had a feeling about the session and decided that it was small boils that were the problem! I guessed at this by the blood and yellow/greenish puss on the tissue. Now, I have discomfort from both arms, elbows, wrists, and shoulders as well! Klutz! I’ll give the area a good rinse after the shower and try to apply some cream on it.

Another LHBLWW and I got the weekend diary post finished off. It was sad reading when I edited it, but a few times I found myself laughing out loud at my own antics. Hahaha! I sent it off to WordPress.

I went on the WordPress Reader section.

Made a start on this blog. I thought about having a bit of brekkie but resisted.

Had an SSWW (Short-Sharp-Wee-Wee) for a change? Then another one, five minutes later, Tsk!

Got the ablutions done early, no showering of course yet, too soon.

The Asda man delivered at 0615hrs.Thanked him and got the fodder sorted, after yet another SSWW!

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Got updating this blog, and consumed the Raspberry Ripple later on.

Shame it didn’t taste like I remembered it did. Ah-well, likely the old gustatory cells stiff out of sync or tilt, with the ailments being like they are?

1Mon07c I got the baked beans in the saucepan with the seasoning, to marinate for use later. I’d decided on beefburgers for nosh today. I’ll buy some while I’m out.

At 0800hrs, I took the black bags to the waste chute and deposited then.

Got to think things through now. Dr Vindla at 11:20hrs, INR Blood Test at 12:00hrs, must remember to ask about the QMC appointment to see if they have it yet. Being holidays, I imagine it will be a few days before I am advised. Can’t be helped.

1Mon07b Took my shower and got things ready.

A quick snap of the morning view from the unwanted new light and view-blocking kitchen window, a fumble around to see if I’d forgotten anything. Glad I checked, I’d left the tap running.

1Mon08 Off I trotted, down and out onto Chestnut Walk.

AS I limped along, I was overtaken by a few other inmates. I was limping along even slower than usual this morning. A tinge of jealousy overcame me, seeing the others getting a move one s they belted by me. Hehe!

I called into the Nottingham City Homes, Winwood Heights, Generaloberstesses Wardens Temporary HQ. WC, Rumourmongering Clinic. Sarcasm & Insult distribution area. Tenants Socialisationalistic Area. Telling Inchcock off Zone. Crockery and pottery to be stolen from location, and inmates porta-cabin, and managed a natter with a few others, but they were apparently in the same mood as I was, and poorly with it. They also looked a little the same as me, in appearing to look so tired-out. Bless us all!

Disastrous news was given to me, that revealed perhaps, why the gloomy looks were on the faces of my fellow inmates… The L9 bus service is being taken off! Some of our residents were told this by the drivers. I am hoping and praying it will prove wrong. How do we get to the shops, surgery, blood tests and clinics without transport in bad weather?

1Mon09 I got on the bus with the others and dropped off on Winchester Street Hill bottom. Where some disgusting Nottinghamian Street Art had been freshly deposited on the pavement. Some poor devil had taken a step in the wrong direction. Eurgh!

I set off along Mansfield Road and up the incline. I was moving at a fair rate of knots for me but was coping well with the pace for once.

1Mon10 Near the top of the hill, the usual Royal Mail van, with the same two drivers sat in it, had parked in their regular place, right across the pavement.

I managed to walk by, on the inside giving the chaps a look of disgust as I did so, banging their mirror on the way by. How are people with prams, disabled carts, shopping carts supposed to get by, without going on to the road to do so?

I got myself to the surgery and logged in. Had a bit of a dizzy spell in there while I was sat doing the crossword. Tsk!

DR Vindla did various tests and seemed pleased with how the fluid retention had gone down in the legs and told me to carry on with the Furismide and come back to see her on Monday week. She needs to monitor the effects on the kidneys and liver. The QMC appointment will arrive next week in the post. She did not mention any blood-tests other than confirming today’s. I would imagine, I’ll get an Email from them when the results come back on the test I am about to have. I was dismissed, and returned to the waiting area, to be called to the Nurses room. I opened the crossword book (neither session on this book today, proved very auspicious).

Bit of luck then, it was Nurse Nichole who came to collect me. Luckily, the bleeding took an age to stop after the test, thus expediting a short but so-pleasant nattering session for me. Thanked the gal and handed her some nibbles for the New Year, leaving a bag of nibbles on the reception desk on the way out.

Once outside, I really didn’t feel well at all. A partial visit from Dizzy Dennis, the innards rumbling and fear of wee-wee escaping all made me nervous. So, I went to the nearest shop that sold beefburgers (Carrington Co-op). I selected a pack of four Co-op brand burgers from the freezer. That was the only choice they had!

Out to the bus stop, I went, and caught a bus within a minute, back up to Sherwood. Right timing too, (I thought at the time anyway), there was about five minutes before the bus was due. Four other tenants were also at the shelter, and a chinwagging, laughter and snide remarks were enjoyed by all, while we waited.

And I mean, waited! The bus was twenty-minutes late when it arrived, and the bladder was being tested like never before. I was scared stiff of being embarrassed if things should burst-forth, I had the PPs on but felt these would not cope if the Furosemide activated LHBLWW did arrive. It did so as I thought about it! I felt so ashamed and flustered! I tried to stand as far away from anyone as I could on the bus, and placed the bag in front of me, in case anything showed-up. The short trip up the steep hill seemed to take ages. I got off the bus first and dare not stop to talk to Cyndy and Roger who spoke to me… I made my way as quickly as I could to the flats. The other of course caught me up and passed me by.

Hell, I was so glad to get inside. Straight to the wet room to sort myself out. The PPs had coped better than I expected them to. The lesion had been bleeding. So, off with the clothes and binned them, under the shower for a long session of cleaning and freshening. While I was taking a shower, another unstoppable LHBLWW evacuation arrived! This state of affairs is getting to me now! Finally cleaned and changed clothes and did the Health Checks, the BP is very low again, and I wasn’t feeling too good. I put this down to my embarrassment factor. What will I do if this happens again, when no L9 buses are running?

I am now, sorry for myself, depressed and in a state of utter dysphoria. A nervous physical and mental wreck!

1Mon11 I got the nosh sorted. I must be doing something right, cause I ate it all up. Beef seasoned baked beans with beefburgers, sourdough bread and a lemon dessert.

Flavour Rating of 8.8/10!

I got the things in the washing up bowl. Did the Health Checks. Then I got myself into the £300 second-hand recliner.

Lots on the gogglebox to watch.

Zzzz!

Ageing can be a little Confusing – Inchcock’s Explanatory Ode

6th December 2018 / Inchie / 6 Comments

The pointlessness, confusion, mayhem, of morning thoughts, will no doubt affect the elderly. Even the alcoholic, chain-smoking, ones are at risk!

If perchance you can make any sense of these Inchcock Thursday morning ponderations wot he wrote this morning, then it is time for you to seek more help and support. Age Concern – PDSA or the snug in the Lions Arms?

Should you reach this stage, my personal advice would be to avoid thoughts of the National Health Service, Grenfell, the Government or Brexit!

4Thu01