Inchcocks Further Thoughts on Politicians – in Prose

Slab InchyNCCwalk03

Further thoughts on Politicians

There’s not many that haven’t had an illicit love affair,

They are experts and tutored in spouting lies and hot air,

They dance around giving answers like Andy Capp or Fred Astaire,

Most Ministers have never worked, or known financial despair,

They fiddle expenses, get a pay rise of 9.6%, that’s so unfair,

They say the IPSA sets their salary now, they declare,

But they set the wage of IPSA of £40,400 per manager…yea?

And grant the IPSA expenses; of this the part-time IPSA are aware,

The rot set in with the crooked nihilistic, nepotistic Tony Blair.

Most are millionaires too, jealous… me? Now where’s me bus pass?

Cameron, and his cronies will never worry about the cost of gas,

Despite his cabinet consisting of a cruel men, an inertial mass,

PMs a group from superior stock, all unethical, bold as brass,

They are not caring, they are cruel, pitiless and crass.

_

They ought to hypnotised into being honest en mass,

They’ve taken away my few benefits, ‘cause I bought a pension,

Paid into it for fifty odd years, worse off now, makes you laugh,

It’s the weak they prey on, ignore, laugh at and harass!

Not for workers or pensioners, warmth, good food or an au pair,

I can’t afford a holiday or even the petrol or train fare,

No BUPA for me, just the ailing NHS hospital care,

The NHS staff are harangued and frustrated, but they really care,

MPs strut and pose, well fed, clothed, looking debonair,

While pensioners are struggling, broke, in utter despair,

They have their earnings from bribes and many an offshore share,

They sit in central heated offices, in their reclining chair,

Of others poverty, frustration and pain, they seem totally unaware!

Bless them. (Spit!)

NCCwdog

Further Thoughts in Rhyme on the General Election May 2015

0518

General Thoughts

Can’t see any of them throwing me a bone,

Each cheats like the others, each one is a clone,

Every one of ’em gets on my axone,

None of them has any moral or honest backbone,

Many MPs can’t control their own testosterone,

All of ’em like to blow their own trombone.

Backhanders?

They get backhanders and this has been shown,

Banks give ’em cheap mortgages, or a no interest loan,

A classy mistress or a second home in Sierra Leone,

Free nights out to first nights show – with chaperon,

Wealth and free amusements are not unbeknown,

To Barclay’s bank a lifeline of billions was thrown,

Not surprising, with the Barclay’s shares they own.

Molestation

They’ll not worry about prosecution when their hands roam,

For in this fowl trend they are not alone,

This their fellow members seem to condone?

No need for the others to depone,

Seems like all of them to this habit are prone!

Employment

While they let some lucky voters work at the grindstone,

Others are left to abuse alcohol and the Methodone,

Osborne and the like, never been in a work zone,

Silver spoon raised, they were never alone,

Rich parents and Eton were their cornerstone,

I had neither… but I don’t like to moan.

NHS

Private hospitals will always mend their cartilage bone,

Not for them an operation to postpone,

Cameron strutting round like Al Capone,

Determined to destroy the NHS I bemoan.

General

They lie to us every time in a superior tone,

To nepotism they are all very prone,

They seek adulation to sit on a throne,

Out of Government they should all be thrown!

Political Graphics (Silly) to aid your choice of who to Vote for in May 2015

Where should they be?

Ode3

What have they done?

Osb05

Osborne parked in a disabled bay

The real Osborne?

Osb09

Still, I reckon

M-Theresa May

MPs known not to have fiddled their expenses are marked with a cross.

M-Theresa May

Lib-Dem’s Manifesto

M-Theresa May

The Rt Hon Jeremy Hunt finds a cheaper version of Warfarin for the NHS patients

M-Theresa May

Inchcock refused entry to Parliament, just because he was carrying a home-made stink bomb and had not paid his Poll Tax – Tsk!

M-Theresa May

Ed Miliband fights the removal of page 3 nudes

M-Theresa May

The finest liar since Tony Blair!

M-Theresa May

Quote from The Guardian: David Cameron warned on Sunday that Britain needs to be on alert for “roving firearms terrorist attacks” in Britain!

M-Theresa May

Islington Labour controlled County Council to introduce £60 fines for diesel found leaving their motors running – 2nd offence could mean imprisonment!

Lib-Dems say ban all petrol and Diesel cars by 2040!

M-Theresa May

UKIP – and when you wake up…

M-Theresa May

Would you buy  car from this nepotist?

Inchcock’s thoughts on George Gideon Oliver Osborne

Ode01George Gideon Oliver Osborne born 23 May 1971. 

Sir Richard Osborne, founder of the Osborne dynasty, was an MP and a high-ranking official in Ireland, and was made a hereditary baronet by King Charles I in 1629, in recognition of his public service. The seventh baronet, Sir John Osborne, great-great-great-great-great-grandfather of today’s Chancellor, was also an MP. So was Sir William, the eighth baronet, and Sir Henry, the 11th baronet. But the real glamour in Osborne’s ancestry is on his mother’s side. His maternal grandmother was the Hungarian-born painter Clarisse Loxton Peacock, who married an Englishman, Grantley Loxton Peacock. There is politics also in his wife Frances’s family. She is the daughter of David Howell, now Lord Howell of Guildford, a minister of Margaret Thatcher’s original Cabinet in 1979.

He was educated at St Paul’s School, London, and at Magdalen College , Oxford , where he read modern history. At Oxford he was a demy (scholar) and joint editor of the University magazine Isis . After a short spell as a freelance journalist, George joined the Conservative Research Department in 1994 and became Head of the Political Section. From 1995-7 he was the Special Adviser at the Ministry of Agriculture, Fisheries and Food and worked in the Political Office at 10 Downing Street. From 1997-2001 George was Political Secretary to the Leader of the Opposition and Secretary to the Shadow Cabinet.

He has never held a proper job in his life.

Osborne married The Hon Frances Victoria Howell (b. 18 February 1969), author and elder daughter of the Conservative politician and Government Minister Lord Howell of Guildford, on 4 April 1998. The couple have two children, Luke Benedict, born at Westminster on 15 June 2001, and Liberty Kate, born at Westminster, London, on 27 June 2003. He has an estimated personal fortune of around £4 million, as the beneficiary of a trust fund that owns a 15 per cent stake in Osborne & Little, the wallpaper-and-fabrics company co-founded by his father, Sir Peter Osborne.

Ode02Chancellor makes £450,000 profit selling his taxpayer-funded second home

Included the mortgage for a paddock on his taxpayer-funded expenses, Land Registry documents disclose.

The chancellor and his wife Frances bought a Cheshire farmhouse and the neighbouring land in his constituency for £455,000 in 2000, before he became an MP.

Between 2003 and 2009, he claimed up to £100,000 in expenses to cover mortgage interest payments on both the land and the property at Harrop Fold farm near Macclesfield.

The chancellor’s farmhouse featured in the MPs’ expenses scandal of 2009. It emerged that he had “flipped” his second home allowance on to the property and increased the mortgage. Throughout the lengthy parliamentary inquiry into Osborne’s expense claims that followed, there was no mention of the separate land.

But it has emerged that the expenses payments were not only for a house but also for the neighbouring paddock, which is registered separately with the Land Registry.

HMRC boss admits to more data losses Author: Andrew Porter

Summary: HMRC has admitted there have been seven other significant data losses in recent years. … Last night shadow Chancellor George Osborne said: “These admissions blow a hole in Alistair Darling’s defence. As the acting head of HMRC admits, far from being a mistake by a single junior official, the data security breaches at HMRC are the result of serious systemic failures.” “The public will now expect the Chancellor to come clean and explain exactly when and how these previous losses of personal information took place. Alistair Darling’s credibility is hanging by a thread. He is running out of time to reassure the British public that he’s capable of getting a grip.”

Osb01

Chancellor George Osborne blew nearly £1,000 of taxpayers’ cash on a trip to Germany that let him watch his team win the ­Champions League.

The multi-millionaire Chelsea fan held brief talks on the eurozone crisis with his German counterpart Wolfgang Schaeuble, which meant the jaunt was classed as an official visit.

But he later grinned and clapped wildly as Chelsea won 4-3 against Bayern Munich after a penalty shoot-out.

According to figures slipped out on the Treasury website, the trip cost taxpayers £949.

But the total bill will have been higher because officials travelled with him to attend the formal talks.

The revelation comes just weeks after the wallpaper heir, who has a £4million trust fund, claimed “we are all in this together” as the Tory axeman hammered millions of hard-up families in his recent mini-budget.Chancellor George Osborne blew nearly £1,000 of taxpayers’ cash on a trip to Germany that let him watch his team win the ­Champions League.

The multi-millionaire Chelsea fan held brief talks on the eurozone crisis with his German counterpart Wolfgang Schaeuble, which meant the jaunt was classed as an official visit.

Osb03But he later grinned and clapped wildly as Chelsea won 4-3 against Bayern Munich after a penalty shoot-out.

According to figures slipped out on the Treasury website, the trip cost taxpayers £949.

But the total bill will have been higher because officials travelled with him to attend the formal talks.

George Osborne accused of breaking his promise not to fiddle figures

George Osborne has been accused of wasting public money by “massaging” spending plans to avoid the embarrassment of a rising deficit.

The Institute for Fiscal Studies, an independent think tank, suggested that the Chancellor had engaged in the same sort of economic manipulation he criticised Gordon Brown for.

Budget figures showed the Government borrowed £121 billion last year. This year borrowing will be £120.9 billion.

Ministers have admitted that the tiny fall was only possible because of emergency cuts in departmental budgets this year, and delaying payments to bodies like the European Union and World Bank.

The Treasury has described that process as sensible use of public money, saying it would prevent wasteful spending at the end of the financial year.

Osb04Chief Secretary to the Treasury Danny Alexander claims Mr Osborne has a family-sized fridge at work full of snacks, treats and milk – but doesn’t share

But he said the multi-millionaire Tory refuses to share the contents with loyal staff.

George Osborne attends as the Dallas Cowboys play the Jacksonville Jaguars in an NFL match at Wembley Stadium Snack Time: George Osborne reportedly padlocked the treasury fridge so he didn’t have to share  However, tonight Mr Osborne’s aides hit back – saying the fridge is communal and his comments show how rarely Mr Alexander makes a tea round.

Speaking to Westminster journalists about working with Mr Osborne, Lib Dem axe-man Mr Alexander said first: “We do share things – but not the milk.

“To my amusement, he still keeps it under lock and key. His fridge in the Treasury kitchen is replete with a padlock.”

George Osborne was embarrassed by a SEVEN-YEAR-OLD today when he failed to answer a basic maths question.

pcs-Raddings-chanc-23q.jpgThe Chancellor was being interviewed by a panel of children on Sky News about the economy.

But he was left flummoxed when seven-year-old Sam Raddings asked him what seven times eight is.

Flustered, Mr Osborne eventually replied: “I’ve made it a rule in life not to answer a whole load of maths questions.”

Many were quick to ridicule the Chancellor for dodging the question.

“It’s a little worrying that the Chancellor George Osborne doesn’t seem to know simple maths,” wrote one.

It isn’t the first time Osborne has been lampooned on social media recently.

He also found himself at the figure of fun after trying to take credit for the next Star Wars movie being filmed in UK.

Earlier, Mr Osborne admitted he wishes he had done more to help Britain’s economy when the coalition first came to power.

Osb05George Osborne parks in disabled bay: Tory Chancellor causes outrage by ignoring restrictions

He’s snatched millions of pounds in benefits from those in most need – and it seems that George Osborne could not care less about anyone else.

Tonight he was branded selfish and arrogant after allowing his chauffeur to park his £50,000 Land Rover in a space reserved for the disabled.

There were plenty of other places available just a few yards away as the Tory Chancellor was dropped off for a burger at an M4 service station.

But Mr Osborne was obviously far too important to waste valuable seconds – and the bright-yellow markings on the restricted bay were brazenly ignored.

Richard Hawkes, chief executive of the disability charity Scope claimed the incident “shows how wildly out of touch the Chancellor is with disabled people in the UK”.

He said: “They will see this as rubbing salt in their wounds.

“Many are already struggling to make ends meet, yet the Chancellor’s response has been to cut vital financial support and squeeze local care budgets.”

Ten things you might not know about Osborne

There are a few things you may not know about the man with his hands on the nation’s purse-strings.

  1. He was originally called “Gideon Oliver Osborne” (nicknamed “Giddy” by schoolmates), before changing his first name to George by deed poll at the age of 13.
  2. While working for John Major, Osborne was “perky” in his delight about Tony Blair’s election as Prime Minister – dubbing him “The Master”. Meanwhile, when Iain Duncan Smith was leader of the Tory party, Osborne used to refer to Blair as “our real leader”.
  3. Before the 2010 election, Osborne used to be “dismissive” of LibDem leader Nick Clegg – partly as Clegg refused a dinner invitation from him and David Cameron. He also thought Clegg was “politically clueless”, but would later “have to revise this view during the general election campaign”.
  4. He loathed Gordon Brown. In his office, he would refer to Brown as a “bast**d” and delighted in impersonating him as a lurching monster. Brown’s impact on Osborne left him behaving like an “abused puppy” according to an adviser, who was “mentally trapped” by a man he professed to hate.
  5. Osborne was “far from distraught” when David Willetts, as Tory education spokesman, was embroiled in a controversial debate over grammar schools. After Willetts’ demotion, Osborne was said to have laughed that “he’ll never have my job then!”
  6. Despite ruling it out at Tory conference last week, Osborne agreed with Nick Clegg last year to bring in a mansion tax in exchange for slashing the 50p tax rate for top earners. However, it was vetoed by David Cameron.
  7. Osborne “fell into” the Conservative Party, with his biographer remarking that “had he been born a decade later and grown up in the mid-1990s, he might be a Blairite Labour MP striving to catch Ed Miliband’s eye for a frontbench promotion”.
  8. He was a “fervent fan” of Madonna.
  9. George Osborne once challenged a fellow student at Oxford to a wasabi eating contest and won, but he was left “doubled over in agony”.
  10. That our chancellor played a naughty “pass the ice cube” game with Spice Girl Geri Halliwell in 2009 while at a wedding.

It’d seem there is more to Giddy than meets the eye…

Osb06a“Pasty tax” was a popular phrase used by the British press to describe a proposal made by the Chancellor of the Exchequer, Conservative MP George Osborne, in the 2012 United Kingdom budget to simplify the tax treatment of “hot takeaway food” so that Value Added Tax (VAT) would be charged at 20% in all cases. The change would have increased the sale price of hot snacks such as sausage rolls and Cornish pasties sold on the premises where they were baked.

The issue became a political controversy, described by at least one newspaper as a political scandal, dubbed Pastygate in March 2012.

The outcome: After the public opposition, Osborne significantly altered the plans in late May, which was characterised as a “U-turn”.

Personally I love this entry on: Uncyclopedia 

Osb09

Gideon “Slash’n’Burn” Osborne (born 23 May 1971), better known as Boy George, Bum Nose or Georgie Porgie, is a British aristocrat, Conservative Party politician, ponce, forthcoming baronet, prospective inheritor a vast fortune and, as of May 2010, Chief Lord Chancer of the Exchequer. He is all of these things and more; but more than anything, however, he is a Monumentally Colossal Twat. Indeed, being a twat has proved his lifelong vocation – an occupation which he self-avowedly places above all others in terms of the time, care and devotion he applies to it. He has spoke of his vast fortune in being able to combine his occupation as full-time twat with that of Chancellor to an incredible degree.

On a personal level, Osborne is a self-obsessed, smarmy, stuck-up, arse-faced country gentleman whose sickening, unappealing demeanour encapsulated in his voice, appearance, personality – and indeed his entire life story – is completely uninspiring to the vast majority in British society. Call him ignorant if you want, but he won’t be listening; call him an arse if you like, but for him the arse is just that bit at the bottom of your body that you spend most of your life sitting on, and which other people wipe for you. Dark clouds gather around his person, causing dismay to all who surround him – until he pays them to go and hover over a poorer person.

It has been noted by many that his nose bears an uncanny resemblance to a posterior, which is interesting because he is also noted for talking out of his arse and he does have something of a nasal twang, sometimes referred to as a posh speech impediment.

Osborne at Eton and Oxford

Osb06bThe boy, George, was sent away to Eton College when he was small. When he was bigger he left. Well actually, he didn’t go to Eton at all, but everyone thinks he did because it’s just such a bloody juicy story. He rose to the top of the all-male, white, upper class culture of this grand public school until a pauper actually had to build an extension so he could rise even higher. Osborne imposed his dominant personality on the school. He did gain a respectable 9 A*-C GCSE grades, but he only managed an F in Economics – a fact which the country now feels the bane of.

His school report noted that he did not pass with many flying colours, but rather, only one flying colour – and needless to say, it was white and always flew first class. Nevertheless, his father secured an excellent place at Oxford for his dear boy, mostly through intense fellatio, in a course other than economics. Before sending him to his top university, his father had told George to get high grades, though he also warned him not to trip over the balls at the Croquet game. Certainly some words in that sentence proved more influential than the general premise of the sentence itself.

George’s first course choice upon arrival at Oxford, was the legendary Politics, Philosophy & Economics (more commonly known as PPE). PPE, is a course designed to allow anybody and his dog to gain a first (similarly President of the Oxford Union) and present themselves as clever bugger, when fact getting a first in PPE is akin to getting clap. However George mistook the common element of PPE, as meaning or referring to common people. Exclaiming that he don’t do common and signed up instead to do modern history. George struggled at his chosen degree, until he realised that essays could be purchased from the web, thus blowing his entire trust fund in one term, as he struggled to understand that Modern, as in modern history did not refer to the Victorian period.

At Oxford University he was a member of the Bullingdon Club with ‘Call Me Dave’ Cameron and Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson, where they engaged in drunken debauchery, criminal vandalism, up-it-to-the-oiks-snobbery, capers and sodomy (Osborne being the ‘bottom’). These initial rumours were confirmed the week before the 2010 UK general election when footage of Osborne exhibiting considerable gastrointestinal capacity surfaced online. The two-hour-long viral video, entitled ‘Of Os-Borne’, which circulated through sneezing and nurses not washing their hands, was credited with swinging the polls 946mV in the Conservative party’s favour. It is perhaps testament to the sheer failure and ineptitude of the shitty conservative campaign that even despite all this, they failed to win the bloody election…

Inchcock: there is much much more at this link, satire par de excellence!

http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/George_Osborne

Osb08Osborne gave me my biggest none-satirical political laugh in years!

The Olympic Stadium has been filled with the cheers and applause of 80,000 people.

But for a few moments last night boos rang out from the arena in East London.

The boos were for government minister George Osborne, who was there to present a gold medal to Tunisia’s T38 400m champion Mohamed Farhat Chida.

He seemed to handle the occasion OK though, laughing when his face was shown on the big screen.

The prime minister, David Cameron, was made to feel more welcome when presenting swimming star Ellie Simmonds with her second swimming gold medal of the Games.

While there was some booing, the cheers from the crowd were reported to have drowned them out.

Inchcock’s Politicians Dictionary Updated

Dic top

Permission was granted for Inchcock to blog this dictionary to prevent him from sulking, going off and feeding the pigeons and catching Histoplasmosis and getting himself all depressed again

Amarulence: (Bitterness, spite)

How politicians think of the voters.

Aphnology: (The study of wealth)

What Politicians are preoccupied and obsessed with.

Dic0001Back-hander: (A bribe or illegal inducement)

Only the very new, or the two honest MP’s already in Parliament would not know what this means.

Bank: (Depository, Investment firm, trust company, A business establishment in which money is kept for saving or commercial purposes or is invested.)

Where politicians prefer not to store their ill-gotten back-handers and bribes, preferring to use Overseas investment accounts.

Barclay’s Bank:

The company who has 35 paid advisor’s from within the ranks of MPs and their family members. (Like Ffion Hague, William Hague’s wife) amongst our MP’s and their relatives, thus getting rescued financially whenever they need to be – Barclay’s is made up of two ‘Clusters’: Retail and Business Banking, and Corporate and Investment Banking and Wealth Management, each of which has a number of Business Units, and bribes official’s of the Government with ease.)

Bifurcated: (Divided into two branches, paths)

Descriptive of the current Liberal Democrat Party

Bribery: (An illegal or underhand inducement)

Only the very new, or the two honest MP’s in Parliament would not know what this means, or be an active participant in bribery.

Businesses: (Commercial, industrial, or professional dealings)

What Britain used to own and run in the UK.

Chrematomania: (Obsession with money)

A disease that grips MP’s the instant they make their first expense fiddling claim. It is considered one of the essential components of the psyche of anyone applying to become a candidate for election in the UK.

Cimmerian: (Very dark; gloomy)

The future for the UK when the Coalition Government took power, it is even darker now for the proletariat, but the Etonites and rich are doing well.

Dic0001aCommendaces: (Funeral orations, Prayers for the dead)

Emotions and impending activity regarding the Liberal Democrat Party

Compassion: (Deep awareness of the suffering of another coupled with the wish to relieve it)

Conservative MP’s need not concern themselves with this word or its interpretation; they’ll never need or understand it. Labour members do use this emotion, although of course they are not genuine feelings. One person backs up  this theory: Tony Blair.

Decency: (Conformity to prevailing standards of propriety or modesty)

Coalition MP’s need not concern themselves with this word either, they’ll never need or understand it.

Deleterious: (Harmful effect, injurious to others)

The effect that Coalition MP’s lies about VAT increases, and cutbacks have on the proletariat. MPs enjoy being deleterious.

Empleomania: (Insatiable urge to hold public office)

A disease that all future MP’s are born with, a more common word for it is Greed.

Europe: (The area of the globe that has three countries in it that Britain has not been to war with, Luxembourg, Switzerland and Morocco. The sixth largest continent, extending west from the Dardanelles, Black Sea, and Ural Mountains. It is technically a vast peninsula of the Eurasian land mass)

Rolls-Royce was bought by Germany’s Volkswagen Group in 1998 as part of a £430million deal.

Expenses:

This does bringeth forth great joy to the nepotistic MP’s and their bank balances – Something spent to attain a goal or accomplish a purpose.

Foreigners: (Persons born in or coming from a country other than one’s own)

MPs like these people, and help them by selling off the UKs assets to them. Here are a few: The UK’s most prestigious marquees, Rolls Royce and Bentley, have been respectively owned by BMW and Volkswagen since 1998. – Ford bought Land Rover while MG Rover was sold first to the Phoenix Consortium for a tenner before being rescued from administration by the Chinese Nanjing Automobile Group in 2005. – Ford had purchased Jaguar in 1990, but sold it along with Land Rover to India’s Tata Motors in 2008. – Last year, a survey conducted by the trade magazine The Grocer and the research firm Nielsen found that of the biggest 180 biggest grocery brands in the UK, just 44 are home-owned. – HP brown sauce was the inspiration of Frederick Gibson Garton, a Nottingham grocer in the late 19th Century. In June 2005 the brand became part of the Heinz empire. Heinz itself was purchased earlier this year by Warren Buffet’s Berkshire Hathaway and the Brazilian global investment fund 3G Capital. – Japanese firm Mizkan who, by the way, already owned Sarsons Vinegar and Hayward’s Pickled Onions, purchased Branston Pickle. – Britain’s other large confectioner Rowntree Mackintosh, founded in York in 1862, was bought by the Swiss conglomerate Nestle in 1988. – Scottish & Newcastle Brewery was jointly purchased by Heineken of The Netherlands and Carlsberg of Denmark. – Britain’s biggest bank is HSBC – the Hong Kong and Shanghai Banking Corporation. – There is nothing more British than Tetley Tea, which is owned by Indian conglomerate Tata. – Selfridges, the Oxford Street department store was purchase by the Canadian Weston family. – British Gas and British Telecom were flogged too, followed by British Airways, British Rail and British Steel. It was a signal that the UK was open for business, and we’ve never looked back. Soon our big companies were also being auctioned to the highest bidders, and that meant that it was often foreigners doing the s-h-o-p-p-i-n-g. ICI, Rolls-Royce and P&O were among the crown jewels that went into overseas hands. The list goes on and on. Now more than 48% of the UK’s listed firms are foreign owned.

But this does not seem to bother the MPs of the UK?

Hamartithia: (Being likely to make a mistake)

A word that the existence of was denied by Margaret Thatcher, then Tony Blair, and every MP since!

Dic0001bHonour: (Personal integrity)

Absolute mystery to MP’s.

Honesty: (Truthfulness, sincerity)

An affliction with some of the proletariat voters, that as yet has not affected politicians at all.

Imperturbation: (Freedom from agitation of mind – calmness – quietude)

Over the years the MPs have cunningly covered their tracks and protected themselves from prosecution for their wrong-doings and lying. So this word is a perfect word to describe the MPs themselves.

Industry: (Refers to the production of an economic good [either material or a service] within an economy)

Manufacturing bases/companies, like we used to have in Britain, car builders, lace manufacturers, shipbuilding, fishing fleets galore, and the likes, now gone! (See Foreigners)

Lying: (Telling fibs)

Without doubt ever increasing proliferations as this word is used more and more, it is rampant throughout our MPs and Government ministers, mind you, they do it as well if not better than many other countries representatives.

Dic0001gMorals: (Personal or cultural values, codes of conduct)

The decline of this words meaning has been falling for a couple of years now – not in Parliament of course, it’s been missing and ignored in there for many more donkey’s years!

Mumpsimus: (A view stubbornly held even when proven to be wrong)

This word was created at the conception of Members of Parliament, and has been present in every Minister of the Governments since!

Nepotism: (Favouritism granted to relatives or friends regardless of merit)

A natural instinct inbred into politicians over the years.

Nonentity: (A person regarded as being of no importance or significance)

An unemployed voter, a member of the proletariat, an NHS patient, an elderly mugged person.

Occulcation: (Act of treading on or trampling underfoot)

A treatment so enjoyed being dished out to the uneducated masses from MP’s

Offshore Accounts:

An essential requirement for all MP’s, even those two who are not on the fiddle. (An investment/ savings bank located outside the country of residence of the depositor, typically in a low tax jurisdiction or tax haven] that provides financial and legal advantages. These advantages typically include: Greater privacy, Bank secrecy, low or no taxation [i.e. tax havens] easy access to deposits (at least in terms of regulation), protection against local political or financial instability.

For further guidance please contact William Hague, David Cameron, Tony Blair, George (‘orrible) Osborne, Gordon Brown, or any of the other fiddling gits!)

Parliament: (A legislature)

A place where MP’s can get up to £500 an hour for attending, subsidised meals, ask questions for money, fiddle their expenses, get their heads down, and vote to give themselves more money.

Personal Assistant: (A well paid slave)

MP’s can have as many of these as they like, and claim for them on expenses. MP’s with a slightly different taste in assistants like Willie Hague and his entourage of male helpers, Lucien, Damien, Tarquin, and Nigella, often utilised the Grand hotel bedroom for consultations, advice, and foible comparisons with them. I’ll miss Hague’s affairs.

DicMickCamPugnacious: (Argumentative)

MPs will argue black is blue with the most placid of people.

Quiescent: (Inactive or still, dormant)

The hopes of the Liberal Democrat Party

Slubberdegullion: (An unemployed person – Riffraff, a slobbering foul individual, a worthless sloven, a pigpen, a jeeter, a tramp, an uncouth slob)

Any MP.

Tatterdemalion: (Anyone who earns less than £50,000 a year – Someone who lives in the gutter and whose only function on this planet is to serve as a warning to others)

Impecunious voters.

Tyrannicide: (Killing of a tyrant)

A wish that many hope will happen to Coalition Ministers.

Dic0001Venality: (The condition of being susceptible to bribery or corruption, the use of a position of trust for dishonest gain)

An unavoidable and untreatable foible of Government Ministers and MP’s.

Voter: (One who casts a vote for or against something)

In the view of the politicians: An idiot.

Inchy’s Letter begging support for David Cameron

Campoint

The magnanimous, pulchritudinous personage of our beloved David William Donald (The Wonder-man) Cameron

Dear Reader,

I have been perturbed lately about the state of health of our beloved unelected Prime Minister, The Right Honourable David William Donald Cameron. Prime Minister of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, Minister for the Civil Service and First Lord of the Treasury, Leader of the Conservative Party, Member of the Cabinet Privy, Council European Council.Salary £148,000 (annual, including £67,060 MP’s salary)

CamOxfordhome

One of his modest homes in Oxford

Mail on Sunday’s disclosure that he paid off the £75,000 mortgage on the £1.5 million home in North Kensington, London that he owns with his wife Samantha, after they took out a £350,000 taxpayer-funded HSBC mortgage on his designated Oxfordshire constituency second home. For his part, Cameron claimed he was able to pay off the mortgage on his London home by selling shares. While within the rules, this is precisely the kind of financial jiggery-pokery for which other MPs have been criticised in recent weeks.

CamMirror

Gossip… just gossip – It’s only been badly mauled that’s all!

But he is still open to the charge that someone who’s clearly worth a few bob was ‘playing’ the system by claiming more than £21,200 from taxpayers in 2005-6, for the mortgage interest paid on his constituency home.

It has been suggested that he could have saved the taxpayer thousands of pounds if he had put the money from the sale of his shares towards his constituency property – a large and comfortable country house – which he bought eight years ago for £650,000. Especially as it is now worth in the region of £1.8million, giving him a substantial paper profit.

Imagine his delight when his eldest son, Arthur, a stockbroker, married Steffie Cooper, a cousin of the Royal Family. This union provides Cameron’s link to the ‘Mad’ King George III, an ancestor he shares with the Queen (his fifth cousin once removed).

The line of ancestors down from these wealthy figures continues through the City. Both Cameron’s grandfather, also called Ewen, who died in 1958 leaving £57,000 (around £1.6million in today’s money), and his father Ian, a former High Sheriff of Berkshire, were stockbrokers.

CamC4

Odd how some of the troops are given him odd looks innit?

Now he has the added problem of who to send our troops to attack next.

All this must be causing him concern.

Therefore, I think the nice gentleman would appreciate a little support from the electorate who didn’t vote him into office.

So last month, I started an appeal for gifts and support for him.

I’ve had to cancel the appeal due to ill health.

Camcyanide

Cyanide capsules – are you the donor?

I’ve managed to send back to the donors, the gas canisters, crossbow, letter-bombs, pipe-bombs, the poisonous ball point hypodermic pen, the exploding cigar, the handkerchief gift box teeming with deadly bacteria, and the poisoned bottle of Cameron’s Whisky.

Unfortunately, the trained assassination budgerigar escaped.

CamC4

Address of donor required please

If the people/person who sent in the C4 could kindly contact me with his/her/their address, I can return it along with the Cyanide capsules sent in.

Nottingham’s next ‘Support for David Cameron is Essential’ association meeting, will take place at in the old BT Telephone box outside the Savoy Hotel, next Wednesday at 1755 hrs.

Thank you.

Bunter Forsythe-Weatheringstone OBE,

Nottingham Castle.