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Well, well, well! Another series of cock-ups, disappointments, failures, frustrations and a fair share of self-misanthropicalness thrown in today, Again!
The landline telephone that went down yesterday brought more worry again today. After trying to press the Alarm Alert button while Carer Sam was here, the Panic Alarm was not connecting either! Carer Sam said she’d tell someone about it.
A fine time to take a tumble or go arse-over-tit, innit?
This, along with , bringing tablets back up. Bring up vicious winds. Ever present
& the mind-killing
carping on at me, it was another frustrating, barely tolerable day at moments. With misappropriate, miscomprehending mental mind meanderings, making anything simple seemed to be a mountain to tackle! Messy!
I felt pitiful, self-critical one moment, then snivelling psychologically damaged erk the next. Later, despite the concerns and worries, I’d find myself singing 1962 songs, and it seemed, genuinely unbothered about things? But somehow, I knew at that time, in the back of my so-called mind, that this would crumble again soon, and the loathed, nay, feared, opens the barn door for
, and the cycle of freeing myself from his grip begins again. I seem to do this in auto mode; the short-term memory can have greatly opposite benefits, as in this case. Conversely, mega-frustration and self-criticism can develop when you genuinely cannot recall what you were doing or going to do. When the
turn into a
, then the tormenting bafflements sink in.
I can never forget what I was doing before the blank period. Sort of coming around or back into focus, often hours later, the interim time’s activities are lost forever.
When the Doctor calls me next Wednesday, I hope to have made a list of my ailments and problems, possibly with the help of , if possible. So I don’t miss anything off the notes that may need mentioning. Later on today, I got a call from the Doctor’s surgery. I couldn’t hear who it was, but some medico would call on me in the morning on the 4th of December. (Mobile or in person?)
Another took over when I realised that, yet again, I got the order from Asda all wrong. I’d have bet money on double-checking and finding it right, but no! I intended and thought I’d ordered it for next Thursday. It came this morning! Can I get any help with this problem? Of course not. One becomes aware of The mind’s fallibilities whenever Doreen Dementia… No, I forgot, nowadays it is, of course, it’s
who’s the culprit, the brain-slayer. Yet, here I am writing away, with problems from
failing, typing and sensing with the finger ends, which causes some complicated issues with the computer at times. However, at this moment, my brain seems concentrated on what I’m doing? These odd moments of semi-clarity never last for long; they never do. Sadly.
Another thing that amazes me even more is how I can still do the silly Odes. They seem to flow from my distorted brain quickly enough. Typing them can be frustrating, but not the creating? Ah, there is one problem I do often have is: when I get an idea for a funny line and have to check nowadays to see if the word is suitable, spelt right, and rhymes, I’ve forgotten what I was going to write on that line using the aforementioned words or words. Yet the ideas still come without much prompting? I mentioned this once to the lady at the bonkers hospital meeting. I do not think I got any acknowledgement or response.
is constantly with me. Day and sometimes wakes me up at night to have a go at me for my failings, past guilts, wrong decisions, etc.
A new worry to add to the list: The telephone has stopped working. Today, I tried to test the Emergency Wrist Alarm. That is not working either! Now, this does worry me. He was with me at the time this failure occurred. She told me she’d mention it to someone. But being a Friday afternoon, and the Wardens leaving soon for the weekend, my hopes of getting any help are minimal… or slightly less, of getting anything done about the problem before next week!
Now that I’ve mentioned this on the blog, my worry mode has kicked in. What if I do have a tumble, a bad cut, another stroke or get a panic attack? How can I summon help other than with the mobile phone, which is not easy to use nowadays anyway? I will always try to remember to keep the Nokia with me while there is no Alarm to raise for help. But naturally, for me, remembering is not going to be easy. So, if the blog suddenly stops, the reason may well be that I’ve collapsed and died slowly, an overweight, crumpled heap on the carpet, over the weekend in agony. Oh, no, the Carers will call. They know or should have been told of my high-risk factor with no way of summoning help and may make extra checks on me; bless them. So, if they forgot to tell the Wardens or the Wardens had gone home before they got there, it would be Monday before they could be informed of my plight. Then, wait for the Nottingham City Homes to be informed and respond. I don’t intend to have another stroke, heart attack, panic attack or bleed to death, but just in case, I’d like to take the opportunity to thank them all now for the care and attention they have showered me with. My Money is in the wet room, under the stack of Depend Protection Pants on the floor cabinet… first comes first, Gerrit! Hahaha!
On with the day’s photographicalisationings
Don’t recall why I took two of these?
But I took them, so I put them on.
Morning view.
Rotten photo of the rotten-tasting mug of tea.
Selected small Anya potatoes in the crock pot.
I forgot to ask the Carer to put the
back on for me. Plonker!
Self-medicationings attended to.
Some painfully, so. Haha!
I did it again. Ordered Asda for the wrong day!
I was sure I’d ordered it for next Friday, too!
The fridge and freezer were well stocked. Tsk!
I put the pressies in a box and placed the pyjama bottom that I could no longer get into on top to disguise what was inside and stop anyone from spoiling the surprise.
Crafty!
Lightening up now.
Blogging away…
arrived. Bringing some prescription medications and a bag from the District Nurse’s clinic.
More ankle straps and leg strappings.
And a pair of ‘All-Purpose Boots’ for me.
These could be to replace the ankle straps?
But I couldn’t manage to get them on myself.
Too many Kelva and complicated fitting are needed.
Maybe this is about the Medico coming to see me?
Eerie early evening sky.
(Say that when you’ve had a few) Hehe!
Hog pork pie in the meal.
Just after sunset.
I forgot to ask him to put the
on.
FARE THEE WELL!