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I no longer seek an admirer,
Anyone to be an adorer,
One thing I’d like to acquire…
Is for someone to answer,
From someone like an augurer,
Why my life’s not been aglitter!
: : : :
To say why life’s been a bugger!
I’d have liked to have been brainier,
I tried to be a bagpiper,
To have been less of a blunderer,
I was born to become a blooper,
In life, I’ve always felt like a beginner…
: : : :
Not that I want to be a complainer.
With age, I’ve become more crotchetier,
I was never a gambler or cardplayer,
I didn’t want to become a conqueror,
I was bare, down to earth, not cavalier,
I admit to being a clodhopper.
: : : :
I’d sooner have been a dragonslayer,
But in reality, I’m more of a doomsayer,
Generally, I’ve fallen into disfavour,
Making me become a despairer,
Life’s becoming ever-drearier,
Harassed by seizures and dementia,
: : : :
Ailments taught me to be an endurer,
I should press on – but don’t feel too eager,
Should I see a medic or physic-examiner,
I not looking for a life-extender…
More interested in being an escaper,
The bliss of being an Earth expirer.
: : : :
Looking back, I wish I’d been flirtier,
I turned out funnier but freakier,
Like Keir Starmer the UK Führer,
A new movement must foregather,
With leaders up for going farther…
I bet it’ll be a pensioner or farmer!
: : : :
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– –Doing Well, Again!– –
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I’m so sorry, but depression is rampant.
Overriding the electric shocks up the leg.
Thankfully, Anne Gyna has been easy on me.
Can’t win them all! Humph!
Creativity is a minimum, as is the desire to bother.
I apologise again.
I’m still making up the 200 files I permanently deleted a month ago in readiness for my return to real life. I just can’t concentrate and have this overpowering desire to replace some of the word sheets from scratch. Nothing else got done much at all, really. I did get the early morning ablutions, shower, and shaving done by 06:30hrs because the ups and downs regularly changed to a ‘Sod it all, I’m not bothered’ happiness. To the other extreme of frustration and depression, especially early today. I was up at 03:30hrs, waking in a ‘Sod it all, I’m not bothered’ mode that kept reversing. No middle-of-the-road, either unstoppably on a high or sinking back into depression. 
I’d done the shaving, showering, and medicationalisations, and they were all on a high note. All finished and sank down again. Then I got this bug to make up some lost word lists from scratch. Done nothing else, really; I just can’t get it together.

I took a few pictures this morning, but the afternoon was spent on this stupid idea of making up some word lists.
I still do not have them on the blog, but I’ve started on it, although it will be sparse. I’ve used the camera for some photos and left the SD card from last night in the computer thingy slot. So, I hope they can be got at them. I’ll give it a go now… with a bonkers guilt about stopping the word list-making. This is just not natural. But what is?
I will book an appointment in the morning for any time I can get into the surgery with the Doctor; I’m genuinely worried now with Anne Gyna and the Seizures being so regular. The Catheters are getting cunning now, although they have not given way yet today. That threat remains. I need to make time to write down things that I am concerned about, and I will try to be more forceful and make her listen to them all. But I forget so quickly… I’m determined to.
There may not be a blog for a few days, but I’ll try to make a few notes and keep you all informed. Let’s see if I can access the photos taken, not that there are many.

Well, it took me ages and repeated tries, but I got them into CorelDraw on the fourth attempt. I thought the computer would let me save them this time.
Yee-Ha!
0345hrs Morning shot.

Rubbish bag to the doorway.

I had never had so many cuts shaving before. Shuddering Shoulder Shirley was the main culprit; after shaving, she stopped again. Huh! Still, they were all tiny ones and didn’t bleed a lot. And I didn’t bang my head!
The ankle ulcer had some odd-looking growths coming up. The electric shocks up the leg were on & off all day long.

As I dressed after the medicationings.
Depression arrived. No logical reason.
Nothing had changed, but this did not stop
the , and
he stayed with me until around 17:00hrs.
Then and the ‘Sod it all, I’m not bothered.’
happiness mode kicked in. This situation has been
reversed so many times without cause
or reason. Up, down, up, down.
I must add this to the list in the morning.

I got the clock calendar undated.
And a mug of Glenettie.

Then, I lost myself and did nothing besides the word list for the ode and, eventually, the ode itself.

I did make a mug of 99 Co-op tea later.
Taking these photos.
When Sam did her 2nd call, I showed her the pictures from the camera. What is it he’s burning every Thursday?

I’m going to get some food cooking.

Back in the morning, I suppose.
TTFN.

This feast tasted so lovely, and I tucked into it.
Part-way through &
returned. Why? When I happily ate while watching
my favourite ‘Heartbeat’ on the box, with a
contented glow, seconds before?
I just stopped eating and threw it away.

Carer Chris called. Medications issues, he got the diabetic socks off for me. Christopher attached the nocturnal catheter bag for me. 

At least sleep came early. A broken, ever-jumping, awake session. In the end, I got up at 03:35hrs.
With the irritating desire to get the rhyme words upadted.
But resisted it. For a while!

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Cheers!
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