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I’m fated to getting the occasional adumbration,
Like they will not go ahead with my trephination,
But that’s not going to give me any trepidation,
Nor my seizure giving me trips into oblivion,
Not my broken knee, or my fungal lesion…
Toothache Tiffany, or Cramp giving Colin…
My catheter, else my cartilages adumbration,
Glaucoma Gladys, and not to mention…
My bowels fail and non-retention,
Or even my overnight elucubration,
Mainly, the problem is my brain’s fragmentation,
I’m thinking of becoming a futilitarian!
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No question, I’m an excellent forgetter,
And getting worse, not better,
In some ways, I’m a bit of a backslider…
Job not done, cause I don’t remember,
The job I started, when I mentally meander,
Start another, and get all a bluster…
If I get a phone call, seizure or visitor,
Then get asked what to do by a Carer,
Did anyone tell them I had Dementia?
I may go to the kitchen to cook a burger,
Go to the toilet, and, well, bugger!
Come out and start using the Hoover…
Then, back on CorelDraw on the computer,
Then it might freeze, read the brochure…
But can’t see it, due to Gladys’ Glaucoma!
Then I smell the burning veggie-burger…
I swear, curse, become a self-belittler,
In comes a nurse to change the catheter…
Both leg strapping & socks off the Lymphorrhea,
We have a laugh, I hold this as dear…
Off she goes, leaving me feeling sadder,
To the wetroom to empty the catheter,
I immediately saw another Inchie blunder…
I’d left the tap running, the hot water,
Now it could not have run colder!
I got even angrier and bolshier…
Leaving, I hit the doorframe with my shoulder!
Depression Darius Dawned, oh, super!
I should write a book, could be a bestseller?
Under fiction, although true, do I care?
Near blind in my left eye, right one’s clear,
The left one’s view is cloudy and foggier,
I’ll have to inform the Doctor…
Get my eyes examined…
But each call, it’s a different Carer,
On the phone, it is hard for me to hear,
Ejaz & Nimra have been nowhere near,
When they were assured to appear…
They made life that little bit chirpier,
Talking to the new Carer,
I detected signs of dyslexia,
Suppose because I was disconcerted,
I had to tell him he’d undermedicated,
The Warfarin, I grabbed & imbibed,
How bad today was cannot be described.
It made me think I had cacodemonomania,
The neurologist mentioned the word cachexia,
He was talking of the effects of a seizure,
Nimra took a video of one I gave a chanticleer!
Ejaz helped me send it to the Doctor,
But no reply, nothing has been heard.
Life is getting harder, complicated, contrarier,
Each day I face enforced frustration & failure,
What can I do, can’t hear or see properly – Caramba!
Getting help? Ha! I’m a dégringolader,
With mind & body in need of many a chiropractor,
Failure, frustration, desperation & dysphoria.
Still, you don’t like to complain, do yer?
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I’m afraid that I’m going to have to cut down on this blog, seriously. For some time at least. Shame, cause I loved doing it so much. I’ll try to keep a cartoon, and an Ode, with a few words of the happenings on the day.
THE REASONS
Health and time. I’ve lost Ejaz. Other than that, I hope on a Wednesday. Nimra will not be coming again.
Carer Mizra, did one call today? I hope he can call more often, a grand help he is. Dispiriting.
Everything I do is taking so much longer.
The cock-ups, errors, and mistakes seem to be getting more frequent. In the last three days: Taps left on, remote control lost, bank and Virgin details cannot be found. Eight near tumbles (Cartilage & Dizzy Dennis).
The video of me having a seizure was taken thanks to Nimra, and Ejaz helped me work out how to email it to the Doctor, but no reply or appointment has come back yet. The trephination, it sounded to me, like it was going to be cancelled. Fair enough. Waiting for appointments with the Eyes, Ears, Nose and Throat department. Teeth, Ears & Glaucoma; Glaucoma is getting worse in the left eye when I shut my right eye; all I can see is a blur. Not good at all.
I’ve been fruitlessly begging for more Carers call time. Not that it is now a good thing, losing Nimra and, apart from Wednesdays, Ejaz.
When I was in the hospital last time, the last few days, several callers half-promised me help. Social, with finances, trying to get extra Carer time (Haha!),
Help with wheelchairs, ordering food online, my computer problems, and arithmaphobia. Suggested rehousing me in a home with 24/7 assistance available. Not that my only experience of living in one after the stroke, encourages me in the least. But no one has been in touch. I’m not surprised.
Depression-Darius has me in his grasp. With the bad news about my Carers, Dizzy Dennis, Concentration Konrad and Lost Balance Belinda all rampant today, I’ve lost the will and interest.
I’ll be trying to get the word list done again; it’s such a slow job. I still can’t work out how I lost the files all in the first place… Oh, yes, the social lady said she would get me some help on that score. Hehehe! I believed her!
As for when the Doctor said they’d resuscitated me. I was gobsmacked. I can’t remember anything of being anywhere for treatment.
That’s my moaning out of the way. Sorry.
Morning view
BP Hyper this morning!
Managed a mug of tea, before
I got carried away with words.
Carers table. Tided up by Carer
Nimra, before she left,
never to return. Sob!
Brightening up!
Floods at the end of the car park.
White car there again, oh,
and a red one too.
and
kept me company all day.
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Have a good day!
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TTFNski!
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I went on the balcony and did not dare open the windows to take these two shots, with the mist and rain out there. The first taken was straight ahead
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I stopped and went to make my first mug of tea of the day. And the phone rang. The nurse will not be coming today after all.

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Carer Nimra arrived as I was hanging up the Khagoul I’d handwashed in the wetroom. She checked the right leg, removing the straps to reveal that the nurse had applied a large bandage over the leaky blisters. I had no idea she had. Which goes to prove that
It was foggy and raining when I went to make a brew of tea, so I got Kodak Tim Two and took dome photographs from inside
the balcony of the views on offer. The first one to the right. This second one is slightly to the right.
strategic parking experts’ results in the end car park. I hope we don’t need to call the Fire Service. Health & Safety? Tsk!
I got that blog posted and stood up to treat myself to another mug of tea, and have some bikkies to dunk! But, no!
time. Not a bad nosh.
I took this snap out of the kitchen window of the late-night view. It came out very dark, too dark to see anything. In the morning, I lightened it a bit.
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Up at 04:10hrs! I am a fool!
I went to the kitchen after abluting, medicating, perfuming and dressing. Got the kettle on and took this shot through the kitchen window of the rain. Took me a while to work out what was what in this photo. The reflections with the flash showed more of what was behind me than of what was in front of me. Interesting detail. He says! Almost artistic, even if it was unintended. Haha!
to try again.
The higher shot of the sky proved a bit less successful… but I’m used to not being successful. I’ve had Years of practice. Haha!
ot of me, finally getting my first mug of tea of the day! Nirma took a good shot with Kodak Tim Two.
I handwashed a khagoule and the other pair of under-socks and hung them to dry in the wet room.
The Asda order arrived!
manager will be calling me soon, I’m sure.
I put a potato in the cooker to warm up with my daily meal. Then returned to the computer to try again to concentrate on getting yesterday’s
What look like chips on the left of the tray are Marmite Cheese Puffs. A packet of pretend crab sticks, sugar-snap peas, & pork & pickle pork pies! It tasted Grrreat! A tub of lemon & lime yoghourt for dessert!
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05:30hrs: I was woken by
As gently as I could, I found and brushed the few teeth I had left. I had to have an
though! I’d calmed down after taking a break and taking this photo of the morning view. I took one of the sky as well. But it
seemed to come out so differently coloured from what my eyes saw when taking it? Perhaps I was still annoyed?
Both knees, and where I could reach on my back. Then on to the Barrier Creaming. Under arms, under my man-breasts, between the top of the legs, and my
lower private parts were done. I’ll ask Carer Nimra to do the knees, ankles and feet for me with the foam and emollients in the morning, before she puts on the feet undersocks and strappings. I’d be lost without the Carers.
I very carefully Germolened the extra sensitive lower regions, both of them. The right one keeps changing size?
operation, but oh, it so cooled down the stinging! I almost started singing for joy at the relief.
and used the nasal sprays. Got the Ophthalmic eyedrops in. The usual performance again. I’m sure I missed more than I got in the eyes. The liquid runs down the cheek, so I have to shut my lips in case any trickles into the mouth. It did once
The ready-made Parselt Box meals arrived. I bought a few of the faggot and mashed potatoes in gravy ones, they were on offer.
Kitchen window photographs, taken late on. First, to the right; the second, to the left. It seemed to be getting
lighter? It may be me getting tired, or is there a slight possibility that I may have made a bit of a grammatical error, a
Got my faggots, potatoes & gravy meal ready, and took a snap of it. Well, I thought I did. But I couldn’t find it on either the SD card or the internal memory. Again! Another lost snap!
I was searching for another lost snap of this morning’s piccy of the microwave. Could I find it? Well, No!


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Three on the right are from a video my Carer took of me enjoying a seizure…
seconds, I was out of it.
I’ll ask Ejaz on Wednesday to find a way,
Early morning rain.
A little later, I went on the
The gone-midnight feast!
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forthcoming. I may snuff it before I ever get them all done again. I’ll never do it. Tsk! & Ranglesomeness!
Off to the wet room to get the ablutions sorted out. The sitting on the Porcelain Throne lasted about 30 seconds, and the cleanup took about half an hour! Then, I started the washing & cleaning of my gloriously fit, strong, muscled body.
When I started preparing the meal plans, I took these shots (I think). Hope I haven’t got the days mixed up… I wouldn’t be surprised. Sorry if they have already been put on a blog.
of them coming out alright for once.
My anger turned to self-pity (Sad, I know). But things got worse,

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Sausage & Hostage, another verbal blooper,
04:45hrs: Pouch off, Health Checks done, Scary results again. 
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I booked in at reception, sat down to await my turn to be seen,
Taking this snap en route,
I started a little photographing,
Took this shot of the Council House decaying,
All the bus stops had kids awaiting,
Crossed the road and went into a shop, Heron’s,
It looks so unkempt, close to biohazardous,
I dropped the mobile; it could not be seen.
He met me as I opened the swipe door,
I made a bad meal before, but never so bad.