Satire

Inept Inchy: Sunday 13th October 2024

/ Inchie / 11 Comments

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04:00hrs: I rose from the depths of the bed and discovered I was being accompanied by a wind orchestra. The instruments playing the tunes were Reflux Rogers, a belching section, Rumpy-Rumpo from the rear end, and rasping-gasping accompaniment from the breathing department. I don’t know why, but this lasted over an hour. It’s a darned good job that I live on my own! The rear wind sounded bubbling as I got up – and hastily hobbled to the wet room to utilise the . The resulting evacuation was surprising for two reasons. One that, despite its exiting as dark green lumps, had no pain, and it disintegrated immediately after hitting the water. A quick counterattack from . No wonder I have so few readers. Hahaha!
My were tackled next. Being so early in the day, I dare not use the noisy shower for fear of waking the neighbours. I started with doing the teggies; what few I have left is becoming a delicate job. As I prepped the shaving tackle and collated it to allow me to shave without my spectacles, I decided to stop saving the top lip because I’ve always been cutting that area since I shaved off the tache. I’ll let it grow again; I bet it’ll be white this time. Of course, being me, my mind wandered onto another subject; ‘Will the computer work this morning’ arose in my mind. I was yanked from my thoughts as I cut above my top lip in three places with one stroke of the razor… Yes, I’d automatically started shaving around the mouth! It’s too late to worry. I’ll stop shaving it tomorrow, then. Hehe!
I was particularly harassed with myself because I only wanted to turn on the computer and check out CorelDraw, MW Word, and Excel. A good body scrub was enjoyed all the same. Then, I freshened up with aftershave to stop the bleeding and Brut Man Spray! 
Then, the medicationings. They went as usual, applying the betamethasone cream to Little Inchies Fungal Lesion. Whor, & Argh!
I Phorpain Gelled both of the cartilages, Carole and Chloe. Arthur Itis was as good as gold this morning, and I didn’t medicate him. I did the bulging bouncy under the stomach flab area, forehead, underarms, and where I could reach to do it, on the ankles, and I put on the Acne and Ezxcema areas. Then I Germolened the new patch of pimples and spots on the outside of the right arm. Then, the pleasantest medication task was Germoloiding Harold’s Haemorrhoids. Then I faced the task of getting the fresh PPs on. Which can be a bit tricky, depending on how bad or good the Cartilage girls, leg ulcers, and Arthur Itis are on the day. Today, the only harrowing one was Cartilage Chloe… Getting my left leg lined up, the picker-upper in hand slid my rear-end into the corner so there was less chance of a tumble if I lost my balance; I was all readied. Getting the leg high enough to fit in the pants took about five tries. Getting the washed-day catheter pouch on was also relatively easy today. Much more of this, and I’ll be in danger of getting close to being contented—worrying that is, I’m not used to it. But, of course, I have yet to see how the computer goes, haven’t I? That’s another worry. But overall, the session went much better than usual. And this performance is needed every day!
Worra life! No wonder I’m depressed! 

I titivated the kitchen surfaces that I could reach. I didn’t do anything silly or exerting, like move things about to clean any hidden areas. I blamed the computer and my wanting to get on it for this, Hehehe!
Then Carer, erm… damn it, forgot her name. Anyway, she remembered to put my socks on for me.

ON THE COMPUTER
A mixed bag of a performance today.
Things let me get some photos on the blog, but it refused to save others like it did two days ago. Potluck! But when I put the first ones on, did the top graphics load and save them all? I didn’t go into any Smug Modes, not with this computer.
This earlier shot was belatedly permitted to go on after refusing me on the first try?
Excel and Word opened, and I got the Health Checks on.
Later, I went to the balcony and took this shot to the left, catching the other balconies as I snapped it.
Next, I took a Kodak shot—a close-up of the nearby dwellings, catching the suspected loft drug houses.

Great balls of fire… look at the time already! What happened to the day… I seem to have blinked and lost four hours at the same time. Unreal! Ah, it was probably sneaking in again. Or, I suppose I could have drifted off while waiting for CorelDraw to save a graphic. It has been so slow today. It’s not that I want to push my luck; at least she has not crashed yet. She’s still cocking up the font manipulation, though.

It’s too late to start my meal because the carer may call anytime from now until 06:30 hrs—no, no, I mean 18:30 hrs. It depends on who it is, I think. Some have to come from other sites, so it’s understandable. I wish life was! I’ll wait until they have been, then get it cooked.

I hobbled out onto the balcony to take this shot of not the mudslide but the mud trickle. Hehe!

I’ll go on the WP Reader now.
Some great blogs and odes on today.

Hello… back to the Porcelain Throne I go.
Not a Sausage! But I did have a lamb meal later: Shepherd’s pie with spuds and a Lamb hotpot. I cooked them together in the oven and added extra peas after tipping them in the large bowl. Afterwards, I had a lemon dessert. Lovely it was, too. 

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TTFNski, KEEP SAFE!

Incogitable Inchy: Friday 12th July 2024

/ Inchie / 6 Comments

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Today, I could have done without it.
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It had to happen, I suppose, but I woke up. In the state of mind & body as described above – feeling crap! Uninterested in even trying to sort out the state my mind was in. The overriding guilt within. The… Oh, I said all this above. I’m sorry about that. A little more urine in my nocturnal pouch this morning, and still a bit dark in colour with signs of blood in it. But it didn’t bother me at that moment; What did get to me was the message of gloom from my EQ. Things would not go right today. (As if I didn’t know this already! It’s the same every day here in the slammer for me. Even what should have been a joyful event the other day, in getting an appointment with the opticians, just had to have ifs, buts, maybes and uncertainties about it. Not to mention that it’s costing me nearly £100 for them to just come to the flat. How much is needed for eye testing is a secret as of yet. And the date was a fortnight later. A protem time and date were given to Carer Kara.  
I slowly rose from the world’s most uncomfortable bed, trod on the torch I must have knocked off the side table, and cursed mildly. This was followed by a realisation that a depression was brewing, and I tried to fight it off, all the same. Seeing the red bits in the sky, I fetched Kodak Tim to take some blotched pictures of the morning view. Had I not felt so low, I would have stood a while talking to the clouds… Yes, I talk to them and the trees, you know. Well, it’s a bit of company for me. But not this time, for the gurgling from within and the wind from the rear end was getting out, so and me wobbled along to the wet room. As I sat there, many of the usual ailments that didn’t seem too bad yesterday kicked off. Curiously, for only the second time ever, as I washed my body after the evacuation, I felt the dum-dumming of the mechanical Aorta valve beating away. At least It confirmed that I was alive, but I didn’t get too excited about it.

I made a brew of Thompson’s Punjana. And got the computer going. And I instantly cheered up. (Not for long, of course, but there you are!) The eyes were far improved on their condition last night. Why remains a mystery. So, I committed myself to finishing yesterday’s blog before the sight faded. It was a great time for an hour or two, and happiness almost thought about the possibility of breaking out. Silly, I know!
Carer Maryham arrived. I stopped computing, and she put on the diabetic sock for me. She handed me the medications, remembering to give me the Vit K one. Maryham had to dash off; she was busy this Friday morning.

I forgot about the blogging, so I sorted the waste bin bags into one and took them to the front door for collection.

I got the camera and took another sky view photograph. Blotches included, of course. The sun is having a job getting through again this morning. I could hardly believe it was July, with things being so cold and dark. Brrr! In fact, I was sneezing a bit.
Back to the computer… it had to happen; it always does, every day. !
I was loading the snaps for Blotchy Kodak Tim, and the machine would not let me import the SD card content for some unknown reason. The feeling of doom and gloom returned just as Carer Joanne came in. She identified my frame of mind immediately and asked what the matter was. I think she regretted it because I told her. Hahaha! I kept her waiting a few minutes while I tried and failed to get the photos. Last night, as I closed it, I updated the MS on the computer. Mmm?  
Carer Christopher arrived. As he was sorting the medications, my super-new, old Nokia 
The phone went berserk with text messages coming in. After three, I  got a recorded voicemail. They were all supposedly from Lloyds Bank. Chris listened to the recorded message and said it was a scam. These were followed by four more messages. I think they were all the same ones repeated, but not confident as I cannot see well enough to read them now that my eyes are failing again. I could not hear the recorded messages, but Chris confirmed after taking the mobile phone that they claimed to be from Lloyds Bank. Chris said the texts gave me a passcode to log on to my Lloyds account, which I do not have. But I panicked a bit.   I wanted to delete them. I asked if Kara was in today, if she had not gone home yet, and if she might take a look at them. So, I didn’t delete them yet. There was a telephone number to ring for assistance. But I was wary enough to ignore it. Obviously, my finance helper Kara was not available. So, I’m in a state and a bit of a pickle. What next! I thought back to this morning’s awakening thoughts from my EQ. He was right again!
Getting murky early tonight.
Well, packing up, as the eyes seem to insist. But a little later on in the day today, which gives signs of hope, methinks.
Going to get some nosh. Back in the morning… I hope.
TTFNski…

I’M BACK…
Two crisp fishcakes without any fish (don’t ask), six potato rostis burnt to perfection, and a can of peas and sweetcorn. A pot of orange jelly to follow. I ate it all up and had a bag of Frazzles.

The photo on the left was taken from the kitchenette window. Well, this came out different, didn’t it? Heaven knows what I did wrong. Tsk!

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The party is over, not that I was invited,
With my mind & body so blighted,
And struggling, being so poorly sighted,
I got through another day – I’m delighted!
Facing another, I expect it will be addlepatted!
Hopes and plans to be thwarted,
Accifauxpas ridden, unpremeditated,
My computer crashed, problems unpropitiated,
And it’s over 60 years since I mated!
Huh!

TTFN

Ibuprofen Inchy: Sunday 28th April 2024

/ Inchie / 4 Comments

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Or it might have been Carer Victor or Israel. Erm, if I remember correctly, I’ll reveal it all on Monday.
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It was not an extraordinary sort of day, with a few intermittent happenings that were out of the ordinary. I can’t recall having a single , no, honestly! A carer failed to arrive for the midday checks, which was not all that unexpected; last Monday, a morning medication Carer failed to arrive. The ailments and injuries were, as usual, ever-present.
My , or of course it may have been  , added up to three. This seems to be the agreed count these last few days, with my brain taking over masters in conjunction.
For some unknown reason, the burn on the right hand of the oven rack is taking a while to stop being painful. Constipation Conrad is back in charge of the evacuations. My concentration is no worse than yesterday. Not that that’s saying much. I think Concentration Konrad is now a permanent fixture. He joins the other ailments as a part of the Mysteries of Woodthorpe Court, with the hobgoblins, spectres, gnomai, phantasms, ghosts, the grotesque succubae, extraterrestrials, ectoplasms, spirits, or the Fata Morganas, that have been sent to taunt, irritate and terminate my already limited saneness of mind, which is losing its marbles?
It’s a busy week coming up, too. On Tuesday, the J Sainsbury order arrives – a big one, too! On Wednesday, the Pegasus Police form must be filled in and posted back – without any help from Caregiver Kara, who is on holiday for a fortnight. The results could be catastrophic if I get confused and fill it in wrongly, but a man of calibre should be able to cope. When I worked at Tesco, I had six tills to cash up, making sure the money was right, coupons were given and checked, and even the issue of Green Shield stamps had to be checked every day of the week.  
Of course, that was in 1966, a few years ago now. My brain had most of its functions working. All were pre my getting shot (twice), cancer, heart operation, duodenal ulcer operation, Cataract Katie, Glaucoma Gladys, Saccades Sandra, Dementia Doreen, falling in a lake, having the Stroke, getting Peripheral Neuropathy, Cancer of the bladder – Catheter Bag fitted… currently the most painful of the ailments! FND, Diabetes Insipidus, Diabetic Polyneuropathy – leading to Diabetes 2. Going deaf, a failed Cataract operation – currently awaiting a second one, a Glaucoma operation and having a permanent catheter fitted, Cartilage Chloe (left knee), Cartilage Carole (right knee), Onychovryptosis (Ingrowing toenails), None-Epileptic Seizure Disorder Dina, Cognitive Impairment Iris, Vasculitis Vanessa, Dental caries, which in turn assist my given ability for . I wear alert wristbands; if I wore one for each ailment, I’d run out of wrist and arm-room. Hahaha! I’m still searching for an ‘Allergic to Clopidogrel’ wristband. Not that I have room to wear it, Hehe!
They give Clopidogrel to everyone taken in after a stroke. But we didn’t know until it was too late that I was allergic to it. Thus, then I got Peripheral Neuropathy.
But it’s been fun and exciting.  
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I think I saw a speck of blood in the bag this morning when I photo’d it. Likely, it’s just a reflection from the flash, I assumed?
Much drizzle is out there from the balcony’s right window. The usual excellent parking is available from our senior citizens on the yellow chevrons, indicating, do not park here. I’m not jealous that the drivers can still afford to own one. Or that my licence had to be surrendered due to the ailments making me unsafe on the roads. Har, Har! The drugs would still have me nodding off; that’ll most likely be the s. Coming home from work one day from Rempstone, I stopped at some traffic lights in Clifton and dosed off for two hours. I woke up in an ambulance going to the hospital. I felt fine; I just have no memory of what happened. Apparently, other drivers couldn’t wake me up and thought I’d snuffed it and called an ambulance and police.
I decided that at that time, I’d hand in my licence. I realised that I could have killed someone. What if I’d been driving at the time? The RAC returned the car to my garage. I thanked them and cancelled my membership. Within two days, I’d given my beloved vehicle away. At least it helped a mate who was out of work. I never saw him again? 
Boy, I’ve waffled on here! Sorry.
Off to the wet room.
A rare return of .
Almost caught me out! I was expecting a battle with .
After the slushy evacuation, the stomach remained gurgling. I cleaned things up and started shaving.

Partway through doling, I hastily plonked down on the seat again for a repeat performance. Well, not so much, but what exited was even more watery this time. With a tinge of orange in the colour that was not there on the first session on the throne? By the time I finished shaving, washed, and did the medicationings for the delicate areas in need, then got the place cleaned up again, I’d been there for over two hours! It was a more painful-to-pass scenario, but I’d gladly welcome him back.
Pants and slippers on again, I meandered out onto the balcony. The rain was still pouring down.
I took the first two of the snaps. They were not very good, taken through the window glass. 
I hobbled into the kitchenette to do the same through the kitchen glass. All three show how much it was raining, though. We had a fair bit of it yesterday.
 
There followed an almost rapid selection of I caught the hand in the window closing it, right on the burn scar, which naturally made me jump away… ; I knocked the towel roll and holder off of the window ledge. : The stalk broke off from the base. : Bending down to retrieve those as mentioned earlier, I hit my forehead on the edge of the radiator. Turned and dropped the walking stick, which hit the fridge and fell right on my left foot’s ingrowing toenail! Did I swear? Yes! And I did again when I realised I’d sprayed the kitchen cleaner all over the dressing gown when cleaning things up. Humph!

I got out the new vacuum cleaner and hoovered up the mess I’d made when walking to the wet room in the hallway.
I took a snap of the new cleaner to show you the fancy headlights on the machine. Hehehe! The vacuum arrived in eleven pieces in a square box, with miniature writing on the instruction booklet. Luckily for me, Carer Chris came and assembled it within three minutes. Of course, I could have handled doing it quickly; I just wanted the lad Chris to think he’d done something worthwhile.
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The new Catheter Pouch Bag keeps slipping down the leg.
The new Tena Protection Pants keep slipping down.
I also seem to have misplaced my hearing aids. I’ve checked the wet room, kitchen, rubbish tip room, and front room without any success.
To the rescue again. He found the hearing aids within minutes. He’s a very good ferriter. While he was searching, he spotted some biscuits, and he had to have a packet. Hehehe! They had dropped behind the rickety 1962 G-Plan cabinet, and he retrieved them for me. Saved again! 
The evening sky kept changing hue. Well, I thought it did, anyway. Of course, what my eyes see and you may not do…

Or should that be the other way around? You can tell I’m getting tired, can’t you? My thoughts at this moment, remind me of vegetable dumpling stew… mixed, unclear and lumpy.
I took this last, catching the edge of the window frame and the sun on its way home. There’s an elegance to these sunset shots. They’re vivid yet semi-opaque – a bit like the cameraman. Har-Har!


A simple nosh for a simpleton.
Salt & vinegared chips, vegetarian sausages, a soft brown baguette with pickle-flavoured ketchup.
Followed by a pot of mandarins in jelly.
My hunger was pleasantly sated.

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TTFN

Inchy: Thursday 4th January 2024

/ Inchie / 4 Comments

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Not bad at all.

Kitchen view, kettle on.

Amalgamated the waste bins.
Amalgamated, I like that word. Hehe!

And.

Legs creamed.
Whoever mopped the floor last had put the mop away without washing it. So, (No cleaner this week, holidays?) I washed it and then tried to mop the floor a bit…
Part-way through. Stung, then gave way. I pulled my back as I grabbed for the handrail, and that was the end of my mopping-up session. Then, I made sure of that. Got the new PPs on. After a struggle and a little foul language

Put some thick-skinned red potatoes in the crock-pot. Plan to have these later, with the smoked haddock and some garden peas. We’ll see how it goes. My EQ is telling me it will be messy for some reason? He’s rarely wrong.

Got the diabetic socks and leg straps on.
He did a decent job of it.
I asked him to take the laundry down for me, please.

I got the computer on, hoping to update yesterday’s blog without too many complications.

Tea Red Label The JS order that was meant for next week arrived. I am worried about my constant cock-ups!
Treats galore! The smoked haddock was the star of the delivery. I hope to follow Sister Jane and Neighbour Jenny’s instructions and make a decent meal with it.
Why did I get Pickling vinegar? What did I think I was ordering? Has , along with finally taken over my brain? I just wondered.

The fridge was near bursting point. (Wait until tomorrow?)
Topped up the Nurses & Carers Treats shelves.

The smoked Haddock pack.
The bottom of the smoked Haddock pack.
Made this above to see the instructions clearly.

Pressed on with the blogging.

Trip number two.

Taken through the balcony windows.

Pressed on with the blogging. Well... I say blogging is more like correcting grammatical mistakes and fixing my corrections later. If you see what I mean?

I was surprised later to see how the mudslide was so big. I’m sure that we had less rain today.

I got the oven heating up and consulted my notes on cooking the haddock meal before starting on it… and a problem of sorts arose! I thought I’d got a roll of Asda Kitchen Foil out, and when I opened it up to judge the size needed for the haddock bits to go into… I observed it was, indeed, called not foil, but ‘baking parchment’? One side seemed to be foil, and the other was like brown paper? Which way around am I supposed to use it to wrap the fish?
It was getting late now, but I tried ringing neighbour & friend Jenny and Sister Jane for advice on this cooking issue. But could not get through to either. So, decided to wrap it with the foil on the inside. I prepared everything and spotted a chimney fire through the window… Out came .
They were not very good attempts, were they? Tsk!

I reconcentrated on cooking the meal. The fish needed 15 minutes in the oven, the potatoes needed to be taken out of the slow cooker and sliced, and the peas in the saucepan could go onto the plate. I’d been hoping but looking forward to this nosh since the delivery arrived. I put the dishes in the sink to soak as I went along. And Wallah! Got it served!

The fish might have been a smidge undercooked, but it was good enough for me. The lemon juice and butter came through in the taste. Two minutes into the eating…
The landline burst forth.
It was neighbour Jenny ringing back, cause she missed my earlier call. I wanted to get back to the meal but quickly asked her about the Baking, not aluminium foil. She’d never heard of it before. Bless her for ringing back.
Back to the meal. Another two minutes later…
The landline burst forth.
It was Sister Jane ringing back, cause she missed my earlier call. I wanted to get back to the meal but quickly asked her about the Baking, not aluminium foil. She’s never heard of it. Then gave me instructions on how to cook the haddock. A little late, mind. Hahaha! Bless her for ringing back, too.
The meal was as good as cold when I got back to it.
Oddly, I still enjoyed it, even if not hot. Hehe!

Took this photo as I was washing the pots.


Cheerio, Folks! ♥

Inchy: Thur 21 Dec: The Psychotherapist Appointment – that wasn’t!

/ Inchie / 6 Comments

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04:45hrs:

Nocturnal pouch, lighter this morning.

Rain and howling wind when I opened the kitchenette window. Caught a few refreshing drops of cold rain in the mush. I did laugh!

: I struggled to get the diabetic socks off of my legs. Causing a mini  , which cost me a lot of time and pain cleaning up, before I trod it all over the floor. Which didn’t work cause I trod it all over the floor and then the hallway as I fetched the vacuum!  
I didn’t actually spit, but came close!
I only had one cut shaving, but it was a fairly decent one, requiring the application of the Brut aftershave a few times before I stemmed the flow.
For once, and this is very rare indeed, I only had one short . Which barely lasted for about three seconds! Great! I’m anticipating some follow-up sessions, though.
The Red Eye was hardly noticeable! But as the carer mentioned later, it is above the eye that he can see it?

Then…
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I sorted the waste bags.
Then got onto the computer to try to get some blogging done while I had the time.

. arrived. He’s got a lot on today, but he didn’t mind. The new ankle socks were looked at, but we continued with the diabetic long socks, which after creaming the lesions were put on, then the ankle straps. Then the leg straps… then repeated on the left leg. He did a good job of them today, and I was able to get the inside-outside slippers on easily enough, bless him. I was going to ask him to help me get the trousers on, but decided against this, differed that I am, when I recognised that I would not be able to empty the day catheter while the trews was on, so didn’t. I’ll get them on later. Hopefully, without any s.
 Then empty the pouch just before the battle to get the trousers on. But feel sure it’ll go alright.

was bleeding, and I had some red skin on the leg near the top of one of the straps. So they got a bit of medicationing from me.

I did a bit of work on this blog after finishing off yesterday’s. Then started to collate the things needed for the hospital visit.

Being the idiot I am. I set of down in the lift to get to the foyer on the ground floor, the elevator doors opened… and I realised I’d left the camera and hearing aids up in the flat – Wot a Burk! So, back up to the apartment. (It sounds classier than the flat, Hehehe) Could I find the hearing aids that I know I’d left on the ottoman? No! Well, not for ages, eventually finding them in the kitchen on the window ledge. I shot down so as not to miss the lift from Easy Link.
The driver was the pleasant lady who took me to the hospital. Lovely gal. She had two other passengers on the bus, I tried talking to them in greeting, but the two were not responsive, poor things, still I tried to give them the odd nod and smile en route. I was dropped off first at the Audio Clinic. I got a little confused when I got out, but the lady made a joke of it, she is sweet. I asked if she would be picking me up to go back, and she said no. So I insisted she take a drinkie and nibbles from the . Why she asked me. I said ’cause it’s Christmas, and I’ll sulk if you don’t take some. She laughed and obliged me.
I thought there was time to take some photographs of the front of the building…
In my earlier semi-panic to find the hearing aids, I’d forgot all about getting . Boy, I was getting weed off with myself!
Into the Psychotherapist Appointment…
That wasn’t a Psychotherapist Appointment!
I’d looked forward to it so much as well. A chance to explain all my difficulties and problems to someone at long last. But No! I should be so lucky! The lady on reception casual said, “Oh, we put the wrong department on the letter, did we?” As she was reading it! That and the earlier cock-ups lessened my spirits.
I took a seat as instructed and waited for my name to come up on the new panel on the wall. It seemed ages before my turn came, but I was in no rush.
I thought I’d have a go at the crossword book at least I’d remembered to take that and a pen…
But not my reading glasses!
Some days are destined to go wrong… well, in my case, every day is, and does! 
My name came up and a young lady came to fetch me to her room. I was there not for the mental condition, but to have new hearing aids tested and supplied!
I fear I could not resist telling her and showing her the letter, and of my disappointment and followed up with all the hassle with the computer, the landlines, the new TV, and the Emergency Alarms all going down. She wasn’t interested at first, but by the time I stopped the moaning and groaning, I’d converted her to show sympathy for me at least. Hahaha!
She did a magnificent job of testing my ears, and the new aids are working brilliantly. She was told earlier of my inability to replace the tubing nowadays and told me to ring for an appointment and come in and they will do it when needed for me. She also gave me some batteries to take with me. Lovely-jubbly!
When I got out to the waiting, reception area, ~I knew there would be another cock, I’d made five and these tend to come in threes – I’d forgotten what time the bus was picking me up. I could not see the front door from the seating area. The thought of going out in the terrible winds that were blowing was not good. On the way in, we saw many rows of dustbins that had been blown all over the place in Sherwood, City Centre and the college area. In fact, when I went out to see if the bus had arrived, the hearing aids were nearly blown out of my tab holes. Also, I could feel the pressure of the filling-up catheter bag in the trousers, most uncomfortable. I dare not go to empty it, in case I missed the lift…
Then a receptionist man came to me, I must have been showing signs of concern or something, and asked if he could help with whatever the problem was. bless him.
He then fetched a high chair and put it in their foyer, so I could watch for the minibus arriving. Which it did an hour & ten minutes later. Steve, I think the driver’s name was. He’d looked after me before. So I insisted he have some treats as well. When we got back to the flats… erm, apartments (Haha!) How I got those hundred yards to the foyer door without being blown over, losing a hearing aid, or being hit by the twigs, empty bottles and bags in the wind, I don’t know. 

I was so glad when I got inside.

Home photos taken. I think they are in chronological order, as they came on Kodak Tim. Here they are:

First photo when I got in.
Later…
Drizzling starting.
The pouch just emptied.
Excellent colour!
Drizzling still…
As it was an hour later…
Persisting…
Aha, stopping at last.
returned the laundry for me.

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Very nice nosh. Flavour: 8.3/10.
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Wobble on here, so tried again.
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Ah, this was a better effort!


I hope so! Cheers!

I’m still miffed at not seeing someone about my neurological problems today. 
Since getting home, I had a and a few . AGAIN! I left the hot tap running and the water ran cold. Then also, yet again , while trying to get the heavy large quilt folded. A landing on the knees affair, so it could have been far worse… still painful mind, with &  
the main victims of the incident.  on his next and last call, folded the quilt for me.

Best of Luck, each!

Inchy’s Odes: An mix of old, new, bad, indifferent

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Insanity is coming along much quicker,
Bus rides are getting bumpier…
Medications getting costlier,
They now charge for a courier,
It all helps to make me crankier,
 Depressed, sour and crabbier,
The internet is ever crappier,
My midriff is a lot chunkier!
My mental resistance is crumblier,
All women I see are curvier…
Can’t expect life to get any cushier,
WC evacuations are mushier…
I’ll never again be a wee-weer!
Oddly, I’m feeling gloomier,
Yet life is actually funnier!
Remembering things are now foggier,
I forget my papules are itchier, 
My piles & fungal lesions are bloodier…
But, now I’m not such a worrier!
Forgetting that I’m going loonier!
Not bothered about getting scruffier,
On my feet, I’m getting unsteadier, 
I may well be a crap Odester,
I’ve got tins of Golonkowa….
And some self-raising flour,
The doctor said I’ve got gastrectasia!
And my mind developed ecdemomania,
Forgot what they are now, but I’ll endure…
With eyesight & hearing so poor,
But I’m not bothered, that’s for sure…
Did I tell you of my knee fracture?
Or the catheter bag puncture?
2 mugs of tea a day, said my doctor!
I had three of Glengettie, lovely flavour!
A lousy life, death I will savour!
Probably bleed to death, using the razor?
I’m cheerfuller now, well, not so dour…
No time for sulking, or sorrow…
Someone’s calling to unblock the sewer,
My moments of gloom, get fewer!
I’ve never been an achiever…
Been a giver, not a receiver…
In some things, I’m a believer,
Well, I was, but what, I can’t remember…
I don’t regret my life being a schlocker…
I’ll just continue to panic & dither,
I know no other way, either!

TTFNski, Each! ♥

Inchy: Mon 13th Nov 23: Progress! Not a Lot!

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High & Lowlights…
The Ablutioning sessions, of which there were many, were all unpleasant affairs, with being in full control throughout.
The telephone and Panic-Alarm were still not working.  could not find my mobile phone anywhere. I did eventually find him, hidden within the depths of the itch-creating, bruise-giving, catheter-tube-tugging, crumb-decorated from my nocturnal nibblings, God-awfully uncomfortable, anti-sleep designed, c1966, second-hand, bought for £300 ten years ago from the charity shop, cringingly-grotty, no longer working, dirty beige recliner. Amazingly, I seemed to have wrapped it up in a blue plastic bag & tied it up in the way I would for the waste bin bags? Don’t ask; I cannot remember doing this at all, apparently, I did it in my nocturnal slumber?

ILC (Independent Living Coordinator), Oberstgrüppenfuhreress Warden and Primo Ballerina, Warden Deana, had finally been told that the phone and alarm were not working, and she responded by coming to see me, to explain. She had not been informed until told her this morning. Bless him, of my problem. It turns out, that many other tenants have the same problem and are telephone and Panic-Alarmless, just like what I am. She had rung Virgin about the situation, and got a reply, from .
Apparently, the letters sent out, told us that we had until December whatever to sort out the fibre change; in fact, it was November, not December, in error. Not bad for , those who pay their CO, $62m million-plus salary with guaranteed bonus in shares, and an open-ended expense account. Worryingly, they own or have money invested in every single internet supplier in the UK. Virgin, BT, Vodaphone, EE, Three, Talk-Talk, and dozens of others in Europe! They are all going ‘fibre’. I wonder if they all left people at risk without the safety of their landlines and emergency alarms?
I’ve written before about the failing of . Mainly due to my jealousy of how much Mr Fries gets for letting such things happen, and still gets his million in slaty and bonuses. I did read that during the Covid period, he got a $1m monthly bonus! $62m a year! Jealous? Me? Spit! Especially as he left me in the shit!  Truly Oligarchal!
Anyway, thanks to Deana’s intervention and help, each abandoned and let down by , will receive an adaptor, which will be posted to us. I have got to ask the carer on the day to inform Deana, and she will arrange for it to be fitted for each client. Well, that’s saved s from sending people out to fit them, hasn’t it? Further proof of my suspicion of the smoke and mirrors, thaumaturgy, number-crunching, figure-shuffling, illusion, deception, and hocus-pocusing, that is a daily part of their activities. I’m glad I got that off of my chest… just waiting for the incoming Lawyers (Bet that they have shares in them, too) letter, summons for slander, or whatever it is called
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Onward…

Got up at 04:00hrs. I took a photo of the nocturnal catheter pouch and busied away  cleaning and sorting

Great balls of fire! I nearly took a decent shot of the early morning view from the kitchen window… Wow!

During the ‘Couldn’t get a connection with for two hours”, my spirits sank to a new depth.
Surely they had not cut off the internet as well! Argh!
Turned off the computer, and I tried again, but no luck.
Reset the router. But no luck!
Took the router plug out of the socket. Waited half a minute, and back in and turned on the power. Surely this time, I thought. But no luck!
While I was pondering on what else I could try…
Norton came on, telling me I was connected to an unsafe connection? I did a Norton Virus Check. Then goon with the blogging at long last…
Within a minute, the connection was lost again!
I tried resetting the router again.
Minutes later, it was back on.
Had to go through another Norton Check.
But this time, the stayed on. Well, for an hour or so.
It went down several times again later, but I didn’t have to resort to all that bother these times. But of course, I am developing a hatred of Norton now; it comes up each time I reconnect… Ah, I wonder if they have investments in Norton too?
Scumballs!.

A couple of photographs here that confused me.
Why did I take this one?
And what was this one of?

Got the waste bags sorted.

Then the Asda order arrived.
The man put them in the provided Iceland bags.
Bad news on the tomatoes. They were Spanish and bitter foul tasting. I wish they’d say where they were from on the internet listings!
Wonder how many will have black spots on the this time?
Bottom freezer draw.
Middle freezer draw.
I didn’t photo the top draw, cause I
couldn’t open it. Too full! Hehe!
Top food cupboard.
Bottom food cupboard.
I’ll not starve then! Mind you, I might bleed to death, die from another stroke to heart attack; thanks very much to cocking things up again and leaving me without a lifeline. Humph!

Teatime views.
An odd bit of blue on the clouds? Pretty though!

Curried beans, tomato passata, with
I got a mite carried away with the seasoning?
However, Taste-Rating: 8.6/10.

TTFN

INCHY: Thursday 21st September 2023 – Not Well.

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CARERS BP FIGURESTHEY ARE A HEALTHY BUNCH
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I have a new disfigurement!.
In my Little Inchies department…
Lack of sleep equals somnolescent,
The constant pain made me rigescent..
Little Inchie is recrudescent…
I’m sorry to be a nuisance…
Blogging calls, but I’m recalcitrant,
 My body and mind going putrescent!
I fear I’m getting obmutescent…
Inchie can no longer be micturient,
I’d hoped the catheter would be impermanent,,
Inchie is wounded; the catheter is nocent!
Poor Little Inchie is marcescent…
Bloodied, hurting, almost mugient!
Inchie, piles, nose and teeth bleeding…
Limited time, but I did this odeing…
Concentrating is very demanding.
Cognitive Impairment Iris is debilitating,
I’m doing no more waiting…
Better start writing or typing…
It’s better than moaning and griping!
Not much, so I added some old cartooning…
Even resisted going on the balcony, mooning!

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Some photos first, though…

Very good colouring!
No stringy bit in it this morning.

Tried to get a photo of it close-up later. But not good.

The feet look the same. I took these when doing the ablutionings, which I started at 06:30hrs. Got a cut-less shaving session done, then the teeth cleaning, which was pretty bloody. Little Inchie bleeding, and Harold’s Haemorrhoids too. I was about to get in the shower, and the morning Carer, Victor arrived. He was alright with waiting a bit for me to get a quick shower.

I made eight mugs of Glengettie tea today.  But did not go over my allowance of two mugs… Six of them went cold!

Got some bikkies out to nibble. They are just not the same with no tea to dunk them in, are they?

Waste bins sorted.

Porcelain Throne…

Raining again…
Mudslide developing.
Wee-weeing well, without any input from of course!

Rain stopped!

Mystery photo of the day.
I have no idea what it was or remember taking it?

Rain Started again

Stopped & started again.

Sunset piccies

Flowing again.

After sunset? The rain stopped.,

CARTOON TIME!
Inchy!
Inchy Again…
Political…
Humankind?
Grrr!
Inchy yet again!

It’s not fair!.

Clivey & Inchie.

Covid Gag.

Royalty!

Evening All!

Inchy: Sunday 10th September 2023 – The Bell Tolls For The Tories!

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THE SUICIDAL TORY FUTURE
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Got bedded down last night, well, this morning at around 03:20hrs, and low & behold, was waiting, ready to start again. But I did get off eventually and had nearly three hours of bliss. I would have stayed in the £300 second-hand shop purchased, c1966, welt-causing, uncomfortable, not-working, itch-inspirational, crumb-containing recliner for longer; Unfortunately, Dementia Doreen’s compatriot, , convinced me on waking, that it was Monday! So I thought I had a delivery coming between 7 & 8, and it was already 07:15hrs; a semi-panic-mode was engaged and I got up in a bit of a rush; Dizzy Dennis visited, lost balance, and I sat down again, with a foggy head.

Then I realised it was Sunday…

The Night Pouch
At first glance, I thought I’d been mysteriously passing spaghetti through Little Inchie and . Hehehe! Too dark a colour.

The legs look a little rough again.
No pains with them, yet.

Got some spuds in the crock pot.
Then felt the need for the .
porc tttWell, was done after three days. But of course meant a mess to clean up.

Waste Bags Sorted.

Carer Rahmat arrived. Did the issuing of the medications, eye drops, painkillers & Peptac were given. A little natter, which I appreciated. Took her BP and temperature. Very good, see above.

I felt so different again this morning. Plain weary, but the balance was much better. I got on with the mammoth job of catching up on yesterday’s blogging. Things started annoyingly…
Amazingly, I changed the Wi-Fi option and it came back! Very slow work this time. I feared I might even fall asleep in the computer chair. I must try to get some decent sleep in.

I was amazed again, at how the time flew by – it was the midday call already. The blog was making progress, slowly. Rahmat at last accepted a drink I offered a choice of. Bless her!

Got the blog posted at long last. And made a start on the Ode for today’s Inchy Today. I think it took me over three hours, and then later I found spelling mistakes in it. , I think my concentration was getting far worse the more tired I got.  Still, could be worse… couldn’t it?

Still struggling with the editing, and I forgot all about taking any photos until early evening. I’d been nibbling; in fact, I ate all of the remaining Le Petit bikkies!
A banana, a choc ice, an orange ice lolly, and as of now 19:10hrs, I’ve not made or wanted a mug of Glengettie?
Tea GlengettieThis is singularly worrying. It’s never happened before? Could it be the mysteries of Woodthorpe Court, with the ghosts, wraiths, spectres, cacodaemons, apparitions, and other grotesqueries that haunt the hallways and lobbies, searching for Inchie to curse with bad luck, create ambiguities, abstrucities, perplexities, misfortunes and botherations, to scare, worry and confuse me! 
Very peculiar situation. Not only not drinking tea, but failing to take photos of the clouds for my pareidoliaing!

I took a snap of the afternoon sky and grabbed another orange lolly from the freezer. Hahaha!
Bootiful!

Continued with the blog for several slow-moving hours, and went to take photographs of the later evening. I was struggling then and were making it difficult for me to control the camera and use the selection buttons, but I had to give up.
Carer Benjamin arrived. I hadn’t heard him, cause even if I had hearing aids in, I couldn’t hear the dooorchime when in the kitchen or wetroom. He was right behind me and made me jump a smidge. Which brought a much-needed smile. He’d been standing there a while and noticed how I was struggling with the Kodak. He whipped out his mobile phone and took these photos for me, bless his cotton socks.

Then a closer shot of the houses.

That was kind of Benjamin.
So I took a snap of the lad.
Offered a cold drinkie in thanks, and he got the medications sorted. Then the eye drops were put in. He’s a clever lad, and noticed the shaking in my… well, all over really. Hehehe!
He’ll be back, just like Arnie, later for the Catheter night bag fitting. After Benjamin departed, I got on with updating this blog, to here. But mental fatigue, mistake-making and lack of sleep made me stop. I hope I’ll be back later too.

Took this shot of the attractive early-night clouds.

Did some more blogging catch-up, and then Carer Benjamin returned for his last visit. During which, he took this shot with the Kodak, of the scratches & bruises on the left leg 0 which must have been acquired, Thursday, on the last of the falls, I’d not noticed, but sharp-eyed Benjamin did.
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He also noticed that the leg was swelling up, compared to the state of the right one. One battered body, one distorted brain,
hearing problems, seeing problems, money running out at a fast rate, , problems; bleeding at the point of entry of the catheter tube. is visiting much more often lately, and the previously nocturnal only , is now apparently on a new 24/7 roster. My are scarily getting more frequent… the mind seems to just lose blocks of time altogether, and forever. None have ever come back to me, and those hours or minutes remain a mystery? Maybe this is making things worse?
Just thought I’d mention them. To help whippersnappers who just may read this, to know what they can expect. So, keep on with the cannabis; it helps. (Guilt developing!)

I bedded down in the second-hand, £300, c1968, overwhelmingly sickening beige coloured, tatty, uncomfortable, wobbly, germ-producing, falling to pieces, food residue collecting recliner. But refused to let me sleep, even gave me a few sharp awakenings. I got up a few times, and wobblingly carried and to the kitchen to take some photos of the night skies
Sunset, taken earlier.
Blissful!
Later it looked like I had a monster on the horison.
A long time later, the monster was still there?

Back to try to sleep again, and I realised how little had been passed urine-wise, into the night pouch.

Took a photo with the flash on…
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A perfect colour though. Bet it will have darkened by morning.

Not sure when I managed to get to sleep. But recall that had me wakened twice, all the other jerking-awakes were due to .

May Your Fortunes and Festivities Ferment with Good Food too!

INCHY: Saturday 9th September 2023 – Aboulomania!

/ Inchie / 8 Comments



Ahem! I found this in ten seconds! Fair enough, it was designed for infants to work out. But still – Hehe!
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This day, I was more out of it than in again. The urine in the night bag was dark but grew darker as I refilled the day bag. Well into the evening, it turned an almost perfect near-white? The Porcelain Throne visits (4) were bloody and painful, with absolutely nothing getting through to the WC! I spent ages on the Throne, all to no avail. I’m now taking crystals to help me go, after months of taking anti-diarrhorea pills to stop me from going! In fact, I was on the Throne when Carer Chris came in and tapped on the door asking if I was alright. I’d not heard the chime. He said he could hear me oohing, r’ing and swearing! Guilty!

The memory, Dizzies, Confusion, and I could barely hear anyone I spoke with… I must try to sort out the problem with the Audio Centre, to get some help to ring them next week. No Kara next week. I think she’s on a deserved holiday. The financials are all on hold. Carer Atere said he was coming in her place. He knows the financial paperwork storage system, which will be a big help.

The usually Nocturnal Thought Storms Steve had a bash at trying diurnal Thought Storming! Huh!  Just what I needed, Not!
Concentration Konrad was noticeable by his complete absence.
The number of times I just could not think of what I was after an interruption, was so often I lost count. I’m not kidding. And yet there was an air of acceptance with me today. I reckon I thought I deserved it… Well, according to Thought Storm Steve, who was constantly reminding me of the shameful things from my youth.
The day was spent on the computer. Apart from the emptying of the catheter pouch, the failed visits to the Porcelain Throne, and the Carers calling. The worst repeat interruptions were from the , .who amassed many brown-outs today. Which in their usual fashion lost me work that I’d done and could not save, because I had to turn everything off, and reset the box, then restart the computer. Even change Wi-Fi connection numbers each time it went down, and do the same work again!
What me, Cry? Blubber, Howl? Curse, Swear?
It was only my dyspathy towards the number-crunching oligarchs, the smoke & mirrors money & figure manipulating financial geniuses of Liberty-Global that kept me going, and not packing up on the blogging.
Spit!

Still got a few photographicalisations done though!
Bejesus! What a colour!
Still dark hours later, when I belatedly emptied the day pouch.

Waste bags sorted out.

During one of the failed visits, I had to change into fresh PPs. I tried one of the cheaper XXL ones…
The first laugh of the entire day!
I struggled, as usual getting them on, but kept my balance; no fall or tumble, not even any banging on the wall, stubbed toe or door-head-butting. Finally, I got both legs in the right holes… Don’t laugh; I have been known to get them the wrong way around… also trying to get two legs in the same hole. Go on then, laugh! Hehe!
I carefully got the pants up my legs, without catching the release valve lever… this was going so well. The laugh came to me when I got them fully pulled up… they were so big the waistband was only inches from my nipples! Hahaha!

Artist Impression done in CorelDraw by Inchy. Har-Har!

Aha, much lighter shade this afternoon!
My favourite puffer clouds to the north.
And, to the east!

Liberty-Global Internet went down a few more times.
Gnash!

I dropped a tablet and thought it fell in the waste bin.
Had a sort through the bin, but could not find it.
So I got the torch and looked underneath the second-hand bought ex-Hopewells  G-Plan c1960 sideboard with the computer on it. Not only couldn’t I find it, I stubbed my toe in the struggle to get back up on my feet again! It has to be in the bin…
So, another dig around in the waste bin.
And another failure to find the Codeine. Hey-Ho!

Then realised when I’d stubbed the toe, I’d caught the right ankle ulcer. It stung a bit, but I now had the Germolene to rub in to ease it. Of course, bending down to rub in the ointment, kicked off , so she got some Germolene rubbed in… at least the area I could reach. I wonder if any youngsters read this blog? They’ll, just like I did, and think it’ll not happen to be, getting dithery, dozy and daft as a brush. Haha!

Night Shots From the Kitchen Window
Peaceful looking?
Lights out time.
Sky again to the left.

Here are the results of the carers tested for their BP.
All looking good!

Well into the morning now, I’d better get some nosh done.
I shall report back with a sit-rep for you every one of my avid readers in the morning. Hope you both sleep well. Har-Har!

03:00HRS: AT LAST… FOOD!
Vegetable Chilli-Con-Carne!
Breadsticks, a banana, and an iced lolly for afters.
Flavour-Rating: 9.2/10!

Got bedded down around 03:20hrs, and low & behold, was waiting ready to start again. But I did get off eventually and had nearly three hours of bliss. .
I would have stayed in the £300 second-hand shop purchased, c1966, welt-causing, uncomfortable, not-working, itch-inspirational, crumb-containing recliner for longer; Unfortunately Dementia Doreen’s compatriot, , convinced me on waking, that it was Monday! So I thought I had a delivery coming between 7 & 8, and it was already 07:15hrs; a semi-panic-mode was engaged and I got up in a bit of a rush; Dizzy Dennis visited, and I plumped down again, with a foggy head. Then realised it was Sunday.

Int life Good? Haha!
TTFNski!