Ageing humour

Inchy Today: Monday 31st March – Nurses Visit Cancelled

/ Inchie / 8 Comments

– – – GRIM REAPERS DELIGHT – – –– – – STARTED WELL! – – –
– – – Calendar Changed – – –
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– – AXIOMS WARNING ODE – –
I selected my lifelong axioms,
Since which there’s been ablations,
The occasional abstentions…
Some short-lived additions,
After some cerebrations…
Many more reconfigurations,
Now not looking like my intentions,
More like pseudo-inventions,
This gave me mental-contusions,
To mingle in with my confusions,
Did I opt for these delusions?
A list of unwanted dissentions,
Life should come with enchiridions,
With specific instructions!
Beware of HMG’s cacodemons…
Politicians who talk in idioms,
Caution with HMG’s maelstroms,
Dating ovolactovegetarians,
Eating together? Prognostications!
Put oligarchs on your pogroms,
Learn from quinquagenarians,
Fear the con artists’ clarions,
Dementia attacks parts of the cerebrum.
Check for correct reflections,
Fear not Government defections,
They think they’re all phenoms,
Anticipate political desertions,
Believe not their tergiversations,
Recreancies, disloyalties, deceptions,
Their deceit, lies & fabrications,
Codology, slyness & defraudations
This is the same for all Nations!
To survive, you’ll need patience…
Sufferance, fortitude, & resolution,
Armageddon, there’s no solution!
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I spent the night more awake than sleeping, which is not different from the last few nights, following the massive 5 hours of sleep I got four nights ago.
The mini-seizures returned this afternoon. I wonder where they disappeared to so suddenly?
The feeling of fatigue is still with me. I have kept feeling I need to sit, rest, and sleep all the time recently. Sometimes, I can nod off quickly, but within a couple of minutes, I’m shooting awake again without any tangible. A bit like when nothing had changed from when was with me. No questioning the facts. That was winning the mood stakes again this Monday. What things will be like tomorrow worries me. I’ve got to get up early to do the ablutions, or maybe do them tonight when I should be catching up on my sleep. Might be best for me to leave the nocturnal pouch on until it is near the time for the lift, and make a list of things needed to take with me. I dread having to go all through the process of booking appointments at the Audio Clinic, and then getting the lift sorted for when I’ll have to go back to pick-up to the clinic to pick up the refurbished or new hearing aids weeks later.

Thank heavens that Carer Joe sorted them out for me this time. I’ve got on the list; Cash to pay for the lifts, Reading glasses, crossword book and pen, Bank Card, and remember to take the non-working hearing aids with me with the others when I leave the flat. Oh, ‘eck! I just remembered. I’ve got a food order coming in the morning, too. Well before the lift is due, but I might have to do the ablutions and medications very early in the morning or tonight.
I’m sure I’ve missed something on the list.

I know the chances must be zero, but I’d love to see the lady I spoke with last time I went to the Audio Clinic. I listened to her problems, the lady has as well. I could have cried for her. I think she enjoyed being able to talk to someone non-medical about the problems she is having. Of course, I knew how she felt. She said that she told the doctor about some of the things that were happening, and she was sure the doctor just didn’t believe her. I didn’t get her name or number, but I might be brave enough to ask her if she is there again in the waiting room. She told me it took the medics three years to diagnose it.
I just looked it up on Google; In the UK, an estimated 50 to 100,000 people are affected by Functional Neurological Disorder (FND) in the community, with about 8,000 new diagnoses per year. The annual incidence is estimated at 4-12 per 100,000 people. 
My doctor is in denial about me having it and is putting it down to my .
I waffled a bit there, and now I’m even more behind with the flipping blog! Sorry, I have to rush!

This first photo saved alright, but I lost several others.

Two hours later.

Another half-hour.

After sunset shot. Nice!

More photos off into the ether, and four joined them when they disappeared from the file! Arrgh!
Including the beef in black bean meal photo.

I’m unsure when or why I took this one. The bladder waters. It is possible that it is an older photo that was missed or that it was used earlier.

Worried about Tuesday’s trip to the Audio Clinic.
There will not be much on Tuesday’s blog. This one is already terribly short on photos and detail.

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ODE 2: TIPS (Part 2.143)
Seek not what you fancy,
But what to you is needy,
Definitely owt urgently,
Try to live amenably, amiably,
Things happen accidentally…
Which can affect you mentally,
Living cheekily, cheerily, chirpily…
Sounds wonderful to me,
This ode is wrote circumlocutory,
I’ll let you know about my catatony,
When I read it up in my dictionary!
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Hahaha! Cheers Each!
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Inchy Today: Sunday 23rd March 2025

/ Inchie / 10 Comments

WHICH IS CURRENTLY IN A TANGLE
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TODAY
I’m interested in things celestial,
But today, it’s my right leg’s ankle…
And the developing furuncle,
Also, the left kneecap’s carbuncle,
With the boil on my bum, cataclysmical,
Puss drains out, problems cerebral.
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STARMER
It’s time that Starmer abdicated,
Mind you, his lies are articulated,
Labour principles are aborted,
His fibs can all be authenticated,
Pensioners: food cannot be afforded,
It’s time the Fuhrer was audited!
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GULLIBLE
I’m easily conned and dehorted,
Easily get discountenanced,
Being led, dissuaded & dehorted,
Plans cancelled, changed, deleted.
Bullied, dissuaded & deprecated,
Over this problem, I’ve deliberated,
Need liberation, am I denuded?
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ABDUCTION
May I suffer an alien abduction?
Off to a planet with no invitation,
Allowed in, without name verification,
Name? My bus pass my only validation,
I was given a prediction…
Straight out, with no obfuscation…
Everything perishes, utter devastation,
It’ll mean equality for every plebian!
>>>>>>

THE END
Is existence really empirical?
We see what we think is tangible,
Why are we not realistic & practical?
Different views on what is sensible…
Are leaders acting so reprehensible?
Rulers are all epithetical & egotistical,
Wars twixt the different endemical,
We live longer, life’s still ephemeral,
Hell is fire, Heaven is expiable?
Will Christ ever come to be exegetical?
Christian, Muslim, Jew or Evangelical?
Each believes a different Gospel,
Each written by a man it’s impossible,
Town people, Country people,
Tribes people are Earth people,
The date of the end is unavailable,
For most, it will be unbearable,
For all, it will be unpreventable,
St Peter will find us resentable!
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I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A GREAT IDEA…
I got on with the cleaning that beat me yesterday. I started on the wet room again with a new, unexpected degree of determination.
I could do the ablutions first and clean up first, just in case I drop anything and make a mess. Logic floating about here… I thought!
Emptied the nocturnal catheter pouch, wrapped it and put it in the bin. It was a seven on the NHS scale; the carer judged it for me.
I settled to try and utilise the Porcelain Throne. But did not anticipate the length of time and agony to get the innards contents freed. I was another massive, bum-splitting gigantic torpedo that finally freed itself. Bled a bit, but I felt better after a day and a half of no movement from the bowels. As I was cleaning my rear end, I noticed bubbles coming up from where the torpedo had disappeared. I’d not used any toilet cleaner or bleach yet. I went to the junk room to get Kodak Tim 2, and they were still bubbling away when I got back with the camera and took this photo? 

At this stage, I was beginning to lose my enthusiasm for cleaning up. I stripped and started washing the body and delicate areas. All went well.
Then, I got the shaving tackle out, dropped shaving foam, and tried to catch it. I lost my balance and crumpled onto the mop and bucket I’d abandoned there when I felt unwell and gave up. 
The painful bit was not being able to get back up.
Serves me right! Humph!.
I had to crawl on my knees, trying not to upset Catheter’s Chloe & Carol or Arthur Itis and being careful not to damage the catheter.
Mission impossible!

I got my muscular, fit, healthy body back up on my feet. But that was the end of my plans to clean the wet room. I wasn’t up to it.

I did a bit on the blog, but Sandra was sending Mini-Seizure and I had to give that up. I momentarily considered going back to the cleaning..

I decided to sit down and recover in the second-hand, c1968, eyesorely-horrendously grungy, beige-coloured, £300, charity shop bought, crumb-retaining, microorganism-microbe producing, gungy, moth-eaten, beige-coloured, non-working, bacillus encouraging, incommodious, Haemorrhoid Harold testing, c1968 recliner. Within a minute, Sweet Morpheus accepted my plea, and I drifted into a marvellous sleep and dreamed of Grizelda. The intercom woke me, as the Carer wanted to be admitted. Humph! After Ahram had departed, I tried foolishy to get back to sleep. Really, I wanted to see Grizelda again. No-Go!

Massive Blanks.

I came around or woke up and realised I had not changed the calendar clock yet. Two days now.
So, I changed the clock.

The weather was not good. The cloud was so thick I didn’t see the sun setting at all. No street lights on. Power outage today? And here I was, high in the sky, looking at the darkness, with my lights on to tease those below! Haha!

Very late, I got the meal sorted.
Nordic Bacon and potato chunks.
I put two slices of Milk Roll bread around each chunk of bacon. A lemon curd yoghourt to round it of!
Nice!
The knees are leaking again. I’ll ask the first carer what he thinks about the wound in the morning.
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– – – 💖 Cheers Middears 💖 – –
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Inchy Today: Thursday 20th March 2025

/ Inchie / 12 Comments

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I’ve never tried anything Columbian,
Ah, bananas, I forgot to mention.
I don’t need protection but rather a resurrection,
I had some education, though only a smidgeon,
I dislike raptors, but I did have a pigeon,
At my age, they say I am antediluvian,
One’s body & mind go into bifurcation,
Old age is full of exacerbation and aeonian,
Daily activities all have a limitation,
You should see the amount of my medication!
An hour goes by, seeming like a second…
An hour to complete a bifurcation,
Confusion, indecision, apprehension,
You’ll face failure, incapability & denigration,
Just washing, & dressing takes you an aeon,
You’ll gradually lose contact with your cerebrum,
You’ll regularly visit the audiologist and optician,
Have a catheter fitted by a urologist surgeon,
Cataracts, Glaucoma, lasered by a chirurgeon,
Duodenal ulcers, strokes… prepare for perdition,
Arthritis, cramps, & have an amputation,
Dementia, a stroke, seizures, disequilibrium,
Peripheral Neuropathy joins the equation,
FND, deafness, drives you to declension…
There’s no stopping your deterioration,
So, best prepare for things like decession,
You’ll jerk and shake due to denervation,
You’ll not find time for any deliberation,
Your ailments make up a large compendium,
You’ll be prone to effutiation & equivocation,
There’s no solution available, no criterion,
No help, understanding or appreciation,
Mind & body, no communication or association,
If, like me, alone things may seem stygian,
Advice I give without tergiversation…
Best to accept your worsening tabefaction,
After your ultimate ultimation…
Please don’t expect anything utopian,
St Peter will do the investigation…
To decide heaven or hell, without vacillation,
Don’t moan about you being a valetudinarian,
For your sins, don’t expect vindication,
Don’t speak of things with witwanton…
In hell, things can’t be more woebegone,
As they were on earth, you just came from!
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It’s not too bad a day, really. I may regret saying that later! There is no time for too much tonight. It’s another busy day, but I don’t mind because the Anne Gyna stabbings were far less frequent this Wednesday. No, wrong again. They were less frequent than they were on Wednesday. I think I do.
I’m getting tired already. (19:32hrs) I’m just starting this blog. Worralife!
I’ve lost the notepad, so things may be even more out of time sync than usual.

Got up at 04:15. After a six-hour kip! Yea! One page of the notepad I found. Why all the other pages were torn off leaves me blank? Nowt, new there, then!

Ablutions and medicationings achieved. No cuts shaving.

First view shot from the kitchen.

Boy, did the seizures make up for yesterday. I lost about three hours, during which I continued typing away, and when things came back, it took me two hours to correct them. All being broken by being interrupted, and harder to get back into as the mini-seizures returned. I do not usually carry on doing anything when these arrive, just sit staring blankly, they tell me.

Carer ‘Joe’ arrived and fitted me with diabetic socks and medications, and we had a little mini natter.

The carer also coded the night bag contents.

Back on the blog for about three hours, and my beloved Nrse Hristina arrived. ♥..
She took my blood, and we had a few minutes natter. I do love her so. ♥

After Hristina departed, I spent a long time doing today’s ode. Before realising I’d not finished Wednesday’s yet. Humph!

The helpful carer arrived and again assisted me. This time, he called the audio centre for me to try and make an appointment to get the hearing aid mended or replaced. They gave him one for the 2nd of April.
Akmad wrote all the details down for me to put on the calendar.
Then he called Easy-Link to see if they could transport me. I have to ring them back on Tuesday or later to confirm they have a free slot. Thank heavens for the help; without it, I’d have mixed myself and these dates and times up with my Arithmaphobia. Thanks, mate.

Ah, the handwashing of the socks I did earlier.
I hung all the diabetic socks on coathangers above the sink to drip dry.

Views of the Day
Early one.
Afternoon.
About 17:00hrs.
20:30hrs.

I was so tired out while making and prepping this decent-looking meal. And foolishly not asking the carer not to put the nocturnal catheter bag on cause I’d not made a meal yet. This means I was doddering around with Four-Pronged-Waking Stick Willie and carrying the night bag while trying to prepare the meal. Not easy. I don’t know what went wrong with the chips, but they were awful! I couldn’t find a use-by-date on the bag, but maybe they were outdated. I can’t remember even buying them.
The Franks were passable. The cheesy cobs were dry and tasteless, even when I added some Marmite. The Heinz tomato sauce with pickle had certainly, unquestionably gone off! Eurgh!
The mandarins in orange jelly were great!
The night’s sleep had multiple problems again.
I’ll relate these in tomorrow’s blog. (Hopefully, if I do not forget, but I don’t think I will—forget) Suffice it to say that I woke up in a terrible state. 

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Keep well, & have a stroke of luck! (Good Luck)
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Inchy Today: Saturday 15th March 2025

/ Inchie / 6 Comments

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I may be wandering along a beach,
Fancying some chips that are out of reach,
Then the brain turns to devising critique,
Against Starmer & his HMG claque.
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In Scotland, the locals love a good claik,
But thought I was a Sassenach Glaik,
I adored their griddled-made potato-cake,
Their Beithir Fire beer? Hangover & headache!
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To the City Hospital for an angiography,
I was nurse-handled most adorably,
One of them, I think her name was Audrey,
Seemed to take a liking to me!
Said we should meet later, for a bevvy!
I agreed excitedly & droolingly,
We snuggled on the bed, passionately
But she felt the catheter on my knee…
I never again met Audrey,
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I got a job in a mine once, in Caerphilly,
On the first day, a bit of a catastrophe,
They issued gas masks, helmets, complimentary,
I worked conscientiously,
A collapse, & I crushed my knee,
Then I worked unconsciously… Hehehe!
I spent a week off sick,
But they patched me up quick,
Back to work, but life being aleatoric,
A car crash, ambulance, axonic,
I became the mine’s latest attrit!
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I was born with nowt, & I’ve got most it left,
Through sheer determination & graft…
I may have been a penniless waif,
And not turning to crime or theft…
I worked long hours, was a spendthrift,
My plans for a fortune? I didn’t get a sniff!
::::::

Morning shots.

No garden fires.

Prepping nosh.

Nosh. Chick peas with sweet Soya sauce, beetroots, potato fishcakes, smoked mackerel pieces, pickled mushrooms, two well no-butter buttered cheese-topped rolls. And a mini-pot of lemon curd yoghourt. The mackerel had some bones in it. Which took the pleasure off of the taste a smidge.

It was a lousy day. There were no clarifications about the laundry, medications, financial help, or domestic help. Carer Joe said these services are not available for me. 
This is going to be a nightmare!

On Sunday morning, I located the telephone number of the Social Lady, Sarah, I believe. So, on Monday, I can call her regarding the mounting pile of laundry, nearly two full bags, on Sunday morning. My newly acquired arthithmaphobia assistance with banking, etc., and no domestic services supplied. Even if they can provide me with this help, the cost will increase, and I may regret it. But I can’t cope without some help. The house and brain are in tatters, and the worrying over this has brought back Duodenal Donald into action. Just what I wanted with the seizures and Anne Gyna who continues in top pain-giving form. That’s another thing; the Codeine box said I could take up to four a day if needed. But the Carers say it’s only two, and rightly so, because it’s in his instructions, no blame attached, but with Anne Gyna giving me a lot of stick, and not taking one, made for an ever waking up night’s sleep, as Anne Gyna was stabbing away and waking me up… well, endlessly. If it’s the same in the morning, I may have to take one extra anyway.
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Fed Up, Frustrated Frankly, & Mentally/Physically Fatigued
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Inchy Today: Friday 14th March 2025

/ Inchie / 6 Comments

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Today started pretty well: it soon began turning,
Depression: In three minutes & it was leaving,
Then a seizure, after which my head was reeling,
The carer called; I can’t recall all I was saying…
Was I talking? Was he listening?
I thought I’d mentioned the washing…
But I’m uncertain, that’s the thing,
Depression Duncan had really moved in,
I didn’t even do any ablutioning…
Or any physical medicationalisationing,
It took me 5 hours to do this simple Odeing!
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Even as DDDD left, my brain was busy,
I wanted to think of my ode’s lexicology,
But my thoughts spinning-changingly,
Past events, wrongs, what about the laundry?
The carer can’t get through to the pharmacy,
Happy Horis is back, albeit belatedly,
I can concentrate again, you see?
But still more to do, washing & medically,
There’s just not the time available for me,
I’ll just empty the catheter of pee…
And a heavy-duty visit to the lavatory!
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Then a seizure did manifest…
A short one, for two minutes at best,
Already feeling at my wretchedest,
If DDDD comes again, I’ll feel aghast,
I feel bad-done-to today, badassed,
I’m not a believer, but my crucifix clutched
DDDD stay away, I’m not a hypocondriast!
You made my mind vague & overcast,
Please don’t come piggybacked,
You’ll get my spirits & hopes ransacked,
If you do come, make it short & fast!
It’d be better for me it if you hadn’t trespassed,
Still, if you do, I’ll try to be steadfast…
I pray your previous visit will be your last!
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HMG spent £45m on anti-spyware,
Stored it in a warehouse, it’s still there,
Waiting for them to find the highest bidder,
It’s a toss-up twixt China & Russia,
This gives the taxpayers acroparesthesia!
Humans need to find more absorbency,
To live life happily, honestly & guiltlessly,
Accept that it’s fraudulent… I mean HMG,
Accept wars, murders, are Earthly,
How to do this? Don’t ask me!
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Life’s changed, it’s gone all skewwhiff,
With depression and war, some us live,
They called an oligarch now, not a toff
Murder, bribery, drugs and Smirnoff!,
If you need help, others just scoff,
The UK PM is a dishonest caitiff!
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Life can be confusing, adumbral,
Some disbelieving, others agnostical,
Some study things all aetiological,
These mysteries are inextirpable,
Most claims are agathokakological.
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From ‘The Statue of Liberty’
Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled
masses yearning to breathe free,
Commoners, proletariat & bourgeoisie,
Things grew more criminogenically,
Now we have borders & Trumpery,
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Life can yet become more scarier,
People can get more sneerier,
Good deeds, help, will be scantier,
Undoubtably less sincere & trustier,
Hopefully, the ladies will get sultrier!
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Waste time worrying, of things imminent,
Carers, nurses, else solitary confinement,
Seizures, dementia, falls, being impercipient,
Ending up with a self-immurement,
Seeking a mental & physical demulcent.
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No time to get anything done in the first 10 hours.
In the dawn, and it was well gone 15:00hrs before. DDDD and the Mini-Seizures finally stopped.
The worst and longest-ever depression.
It’s now nearly 16:00hrs. And I’m going to get the ablutions and medications seen to now.
I spoke with the Caregiver about whether they are doing the domestic and laundry for me. It is not known yet. The Caregiver rang the chemist again for me but could not get through this time either. He said I was now deficient on Warfarin tablets. He returned later, after contacting the chemist, with a box of Warfarin. Thanks!

Computer problems again.
The seizures were all mini, I think, anyway.
I spent hours trying to get the photos on and gave up.
I deleted all the photos taken, and in the late evening, I tried again. The computer was slow, but in the morning I could save some! Not a lot, though.

I could see things (Seeing things in clouds, Pareidoliaing).
The nature of the clouds varied in this scene.

A Cornish pastie, beetroots and French fries.
And a lemon fool dessert.
Followed by some Cheezy nibbles, and a can of shandy. I can now drink from cans again. After giving up, due to the lack of teeth, more water was going on me and the surrounding area than got down the throat. The miracle solution, you ask? The dentist didn’t want to remove all my teeth and make me dentures, so I used a straw!
Can’t see how I’d not thought of this before. Haha!

Sorry, I don’t have much on, but I did a bonus ode.

I managed to get this after-sunset photo to go on in the morning. It’s quite a different aspect in this one.

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Today’s problems were eclectic,
DDDD made things so tenebrific,
Help from a carer, that was terrific👍🏻!
Seizures & DDDD were both horrific!
One call from , vitriolic,
DDDD makes me feel ‘Depressionaholic!’
I’ve never been less enthusiastic…
My thoughts confused, ever-changing, zebraic,
Carer ‘Joe’ helped me with matters urologic👍🏻,
one visit; can you beleive it!
When DDDD returned, it was dolorific.
Oh, and neurotransmitter shocks of electric!
One seizure left me soporific, almost hypnotic,
I told Matron Jackie I hope she looks into it,
I’d like them to give me a full mental audit…
With DDDD, life gets less etheric,
It concentrates on feeling depressic!
I must stop doing odes docudramatic!

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All The Best from Inchy & Inchie, Hehe!
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Inchy Today: Wednesday12th March 2025

/ Inchie / 7 Comments

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Is it a vacation, furlough, or holiday?
Today is tomorrow, or is tomorrow today?
Is it a vacation, furlough, or a holiday?
Are politicians & their oligarchy…
Mostly skilled in deceit, greed or quackery?
Increasing their lies, & show warmongery?
Politicians greet the world’s end with alacrity…
Life is the mystery; We might die painfully,
Powers without compassion, logic or astucity!
Stating, altering, and doing things contradictorily,
Decisions with hopes turning incandescently,
They need to be examined electroencephalographically,
Nothing will stop the coming catastrophe,
I forecast the end will not be pretty…,
That’s why I wrote this little ditty,
I show not fear or lachrymosity…
Humankind’s termination is not such a pity!
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WEDNESDAY, 12th MARCH 2025
Stirred at 05:30hrs. Had a decent sleep. Sorted the catheter out but did not empty it cause I wanted the new Carer to see & grade it.

Took these three shots….
from the kitchen window.
Then…
I made a brew & reset the antique-style calendar clock.

Oh, dear…

I didn’t get to finish them, as the intercom rang.
The new carer from Inner City Care arrived.
He was a pleasant enough chap. We had a quick natter. His name was Achmad or Achmed or… (I’ll have to ask him how he spells it on tonight’s call.) My medications were given. He’s not sure if a midday visit is booked yet.

Going back into the wet room to finish the ablutions and medications, an alarm went off. I think it might have been the alarm testing, cause it soon stopped/as did my brain. I never got back to finish the ablutionings! Wot a Clot!

I got on the computer and used the Ccleaner again to get any photos onto CorelDraw. Well, I could, but it would not save them to file. No reasons were given, so I assumed the storage space was too low again. That did the trick, and as I was uploading…
Three within a minute got to me. Seconds later, I was getting on with the job, happy as a lark.

Two more mini ones, this time they left me fuddle-headed and confused to a degree. At least I realised this and stopped working on the computer for fear of going into a deeper seizure. I turned the computer to sleep mode, and before I could stand up – I’d gone into a cracking long, I assumed, Absence Seizure. Cause that is what happened. I think it lasted a good few minutes. After which I was even more puddled and out-of-it!

Things cleared a bit, & I returned to the computer.
GLOBDANGLES AND TURDSTOOLS!
I had to use the Ccleaner again to work on the photos. 
Naturally, .

I lost a couple of hours, but I had been working on and making a mess of the Ode. There were no more recognisable seizures until 17:00 hrs, and that was of little bother; it was not too deep or long to get to me. The seemed lighter at times, before going into a nosedive straight into a mire of dour dejection. I’m hoping the Matron Jackie can inspire my Doctor into activity over this ailment. I pray!

Tesco order. Just three bags – £59!
Mind you, I got two bottles of cider. (Guilt)
Food, food, & food.
Medications, soda water, PPs & bleach.

Afternoon sky shots were taken over a couple of hours..
The weather was quickly changing today.
One.
It should be a balcony shower. WP or Google, although in the editor the proper photo shows, they keep shoving something else in, distorted snaps? I’m fed up with this.
What a variety!
Really dark at times today.

 Awaiting the tea-time Carer. Unsure of when he will come, I can’t finish my ablutions or get a meal sorted yet.

DDDD still lingering. I’m wondering if I told her about the mood swings when we spoke about this year’s telephone appointment last week. Sarcastic? Me?

My worst effort this year, I think.
Luckily, I had earlier refilled the cookie jar with Cheesies!
I then emptied the cookie jar of Cheezies! Well, I didn’t eat much of the poorly made meal! Hehe!

Last call, Carer, ‘Joe’ got the diabetic soaks off. No medications were inquired about, but I didn’t need any anyway. I’d taken a swig of Peptac earlier to free the wind and taste from the calamitous meal.

I asked both Caregivers if they knew if the laundry, domestic, and financial help was still to be done for me. The response was negative! No, yea, or nae. They knew not. That is, if they understood my question. Bad enough as my hearing is already, I’m sometimes struggling to understand what they say to me. So, my accent must be as challenging to grasp as theirs. Joe and Akram are nice enough, lads.  

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Patience, Please – The End Commeth! Hehehe!
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TTFNski!
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Inchy Today: Tuesday 11th March 2025

/ Inchie / 10 Comments

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I last had sex 40 years ago, in Spring,
Got shot twice in a shooting…
Cancer, so had a catheterising,
So, it ended my romancing,
Then heart operating,
The stroke, then the eyes cataracting, 
I just wrote this Odeing,
For whippersnapper-advising…
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Keep lubricating & desiring,
Never stop hoping, looking or desiring,
May you both say nothing, yet you sing,
There may be spats & some ding-donging,
To keep your collusion from dwindling,
Maintain your passion and drooling,
Use tablets if something starts drooping,
Smile, say you’ll do the decorating,
Avoid any debauching & derogating,
Be you married, divorced or dating…
or living with or sharing a dwelling,
Stop your entanglements from decreasing,
Stop your romance from decaying,
Try to avoid any unwanted discharging,
You must resist being disobliging…
Rumpy-Pumpy, can be ever-deflowering,
Linger-longer, no defenestrating,
Each session should be deflagrating,
You both should be diagonalising,
After which, after doinking…
I’ll have a sulk and start depressioning!
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A CONFUSIONABLEITIS RIDDEN DAY!

Put another way, a typical, everyday day! 

Mystery Photo?

Not a wonk of sleep. I was tired, but it was no go!

Got up to take these moon shots.
What happened to the moon?
It must have been a cock-up from me!

Bad to bed. No kip. Up again and ate a jelly.

Early morning shots.

Gave up trying to sleep around 06:45hrs.
Catheter pouch off & emptied.
Waste bag sorted.

A stand-up wash and sry, teeth, shave (3 minor cuts), and I medicated the various regions as needed – well, I started to. Carer Richard came for the last time ever. I forgot all about not having medicated the fungal lesion and ankle ulcer. I might pay for this later. Humph!

Back to the Wet room

Kicked in and persisted on and off all day & night. Assisted in her ‘Let’s Cripple Inchie’ mission, by for the first time in a while. Naturally frequented my brain a good few times. The lack of sleep and the new Carers starting in the morning were enough to confuse and worry me. But not enough to please the other ailments. A while later, Cartilage Chloe all but had me over, and in the process of staying on my feet, I acquired a new arm bruise.

I made a prescription medication list. I must ring for some more in the morning.

Then I made an Iceland order for Tuesday 17th March, between 8 & 10:00hrs. 

I went back to the computer and saw a giant ladybird on the keyboard. It had black wings with red spots. When it flew away, I felt the draft it made! Hehe!
Summer is on its way.

I had another go at changing the photograph view tp horizontal, wide. I’d tried several times before but just could not find how I did for Kodak Tim 1 on Kodak Tim 2.
Blow me down, I did it!
The food delivery arrived moments later.

Blimey, I’d bought a lot! Marmite, potato cakes, patties and a pasty. Chips, yoghourts, Parmentier potatoes. Ready meals, cheesy cobs, Milk Roll bread…
Peas, more meals, Chinese sweet & sour…
Water and roast chestnuts, cheesy cobs, drinks, and cleaning products. Boy, did I spend!

A CRACKING SEIZURE DAWNED
I actually felt it coming on. This lost me in another world for about two hours. This time, I did nothing at all. Well, when I returned to mock consciousness, I was hanging half-out of the computer chair, and my reading glasses were on the floor! So I assume some activity took place. Sometimes, I seem to carry on blogging and don’t realise I have done so; then, I have to spend ages correcting the mistakes, omissions, and gobbledygook I’ve made. Not this time. I wondered if I had just fallen asleep.
I’m sure I explained the seizures to Matron Jackie yesterday, but I can’t recall her reaction. Tsk!

Well into the afternoon, the sun attempted to come out.

The carer is due in an hour.
I’m tired and drained even more now.
I’ll get summat to eat, methinks first. Not feeling good now. Anne Gyna is still stabbing away, occasionally along with .

Belly pork and potato cakes, perhaps.
The potato cakes were terrible!
Other things were delightfully tasty!

The last Meridian Carer called, Selina. 
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Sleep took hours to arrive, but at least it did. I must have had at least six hours—still short and needing further catching up. But blessed, all the same! Cheers!
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Cheerio, Mon Amis!
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Inchy Today: Monday 10th March 2025

/ Inchie / 5 Comments

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I’m not coping with life’s cock & bull,
Not living life much, indeed it’s not complete,
It’s less agreeable, more allegorical,
With the ingrowing toenails on my feet!
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Lonely, depressing, confusing and exilic,
Killing, wars, hating have become endemic,
Greed has now become most eclectic,
This is making me into an elegiac!
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If companionship I could acquireth…
A recovery in my spirits may beginneth,
Even at 80, can life refresh?
No, I’ll just bewaileth!
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To avoid getting any angrier, or angstier,
Full of failure and being depressederer,
Maybe I ought to see an augurerer?
Before I meet St. Peter?
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I now struggle with things arithmetical,
As I always have with things astrophysical,
My knees and hands are all arthritical,
But I try to stay amicable.
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I’ve always been something of a hypothesist,
I wanted to be a mouth organist, a harmonicist,
And was always a reader, a hermeneuticist,
And a pretty fair anecdotalist!
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Nowadays, I’m incapable of getting a crescendi,
Sad as it is, at least I do know why,
But with the end of the world being well-nigh…
I worry about the survival of the tsetse fly!
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I went to learn about antispyware…
There were a lot of people there…
An MP, a roadsweeper & a beefeater…
Good job it wasn’t a vegetarian affair!
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I went to an anti-Starmer get-together,
We all agreed he spoke bilgewater,
We knew sadly that he wasn’t a suicider…
So we bought a steamroller to run him over!
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Sir Francis died aboard ship of dysentry,
Lincoln, Garfield, McKinley & Kennedy,
Each President was assassinated, sadly…
But no one has killed Starmer yet? – alackaday!
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WARS STILL RAGE IN OUR WORLD
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Last night, I slept much shorter, but I was far less ridden with jumping awake all the time. And I did get back to sleep more quickly each time, even if   tried a few times to tug out my interstitial sulcus. What was totally missing for the whole time was . A smile emanating! I considered thinking about the possibility of making the bed but chose to remove the nocturnal catheter pouch, and urine was a six on the NHS scale.

Matron Jackie and an assistant called on me.
(As did seizures, dizziness and Anne Gyna)
I struggled to follow things with two voices to listen to.
Matron Jackie will try to get me help with hospital visits and doing the ablutions.

Seizures increased after they had gone.
Confused, I did not make any notes.
Did take some photos. Not necessarily in the order put on this blog, Confusion Konrad to blame.

Misty morning.

Clock-Calendar changed.

Waste sorted.

The spuds were readied and put in the slow cooker.

Evening shot.

Nine hours later, I made the first mug of tea.
Realised I’d turned the slow cooker on to boil the spuds but left them on the old cooker.
This could happen to any other idiot, you know! Hehehe!

It was yet another busy day, but little got done.
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Keep Safe! – Kia Haumaru!
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Inchy Today: Sunday 9th March 2025

/ Inchie / 6 Comments

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This ode was inspired by Koheleth,
Who came into my dream on March seventh,
We chatted, and also… methinketh…
We rewrote the ten commandments, meseemeth,
He asked what mankind was really worth.
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Seems we shared many an apomorph,
In this dream, I was an ectomorph,
Seems he rebirthed in Dusseldorf,
He said life today is unsocial & tharf,
I don’t know what his words were worth.
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Long dead, he’s now a Grim Reaper, today,
‘I’ve got my own; he contacts me each day’,
He added; Mankind’s existence is not justificatory,
I said Well, there’s always been wars & poverty!
Mankind no longer read the words of the Almighty!
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I said, we no longer use mankind, but humankind,
It’s considered insulting to our female kind!
His looks of scorn tormented my mind…
Women’s duties, the Lord defined!
To reproduce, to submit to her husband.
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To the window I was beckoned…
He spoke as his arms lifted skyward…
Earthlings are no longer disciplined,
The Lord is thought less of than cannabinoid,
Faith, they go out of their way to avoid!
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The vision ended, and I felt isolated, bare…
Was this Old Testament man really there?
What was it he wanted to tell or share?
Did he visit to lambast or assure?
To the bible we should adhere?
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It was written by men to suit their persuasion!
To get a stronghold on the masses & accreditation,
Hundreds of faiths, claiming authorisation,
It’s no wonder I get depression,
Faiths & Governments are anti-egalitarian!
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Proletariats get only biased adjudicature,
Let’s face it, Starmer is an out-and-out liar!
Justice, fairness, & compassion we require,
We get greed, oligarchs, violence & war,
What can we do? Nothing, I’m sure!
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I found an old SD card hidden on the floor underneath the computer desk. I also found some photos of the progress being made at a house in front of the flats. It took another to update the series, but now it appears finished.
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Last night was the worst night’s sleep of the year
What didn’t keep waking me up? Every bloody thing seemed to! And despite being tired out, I struggeld to get back to sleep every damned time I woke up! I gave up at 05:00hrs.
Anne Gyna, I suppose, was the most oft-repeated offender, closely followed by Shaking Shoulder-Shirley.
As I moved my muscular, healthy, perfectly formed body to get at the , I started coughing and sneezing! Humph! What the heck next? Double Hump!

I removed the nocturnal catheter pouch. It was a bit darker today, and as I stood up, I lost my balance and gave way at that second… Fortunately, I managed to land on the aged, grotty-looking c1966 made, charity-shop-bought, horribly beige-coloured, £300, Harold’s Haemorrhoid-testing, non-operational, acne-giving, virus-breeding, rickety, easy-to-fall-out-of recliner that I’d just climbed out of. A bit of good luck here: did not bleed!
I emptied the night pouch, disposed of it, and paid a visit to the Porcelain Throne.
A stinky affair, and sticky as well! I got the tune of Phorpain gel to rub into Cartilage Chloe and Arthur Itis. However, I got some pm the day cather bag. I had to take it off and wash it. I’ve only got two left. I must order some more. I clearly remember thinking something similar two weeks ago. This brought on , Why? I Dunno! But he did.

I took a snap of the view from the kitchenette window. However, when I uploaded the shots to the computer later, they didn’t appear on the SD card. Treble Humph!
I gathered all the wastebin bags into one and placed it near the front door. Then, I got onto the computer and realised I had not put the SD card in Kodak Tim 2 or Kodak 1. What a mess trying to sort them out. It seemed so much harder to get to grips with while DDDD was present. I spent hours fathoming about getting them arranged in order.
Some are on each SD card and on each internal storage.

So I semi-guessed, reading each box to see if it said day or evening. Some I could not read, thanks to Glaucoma Gladys. But they were obvious ones I had to take day and night, so there was no problem. I took them. Then, as I was emptying the catheter day bag, blood was coming from Little Inchy’s fungal lesion. So I applied some cream Hydrochloride cream. Gawd, it hurt. Haha!

As it turned out, I pressed on with the blog—a mission impossible. I did not finish yesterday’s post but am starting today’s. What an imbecile!

Was joined by the longest ever Absence Seizures. I worked out the best I could, which must have lasted three hours. I was finally coming out, or back into, mock reality. The carer arrived. I know I was talking to him, but I do not know what. I’m going to have to ring the Doctor about these. Mind you, I already have. I waited 8 days to get a telephone call back from her. I have waited another 6 days for a call. This gigantic, lengthy, non-eleptic seizure left me confused & drained. Not good!

I must get Saturday’s blog done now (22:36hrs).

Done it! Hurrah! .23:00hrs

Earlier sunset snaps.
Almost like a painting?

Food needed now!
Wunderbar!
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Concerned at too many a seizure…
Differing types, lengths, anywhither.
Waiting for Matron, as assessor & advisor,
Three weeks now, she may come in October,
Worried about my mental architecture,
My innards, eyesight and Back-Pain-Brenda,
Currently, the worst different types of seizure,
My latest ailment is arithmaphobia,
Doing the medications ordering and roster,
I feel a sort of mental nincompooper,
Signs of my becoming a cacographer,
Eyesight & shakes, a terrible photographer,
My mind & body are contracting dystaxia,
Options, decisions taken, ever more dotier,
Prolonged seizures? I become a gongoozler,
Ankle ulcers colours, black, red and/or zaffre, 
Little Inchies Fungal lesion, Anne Gyna,
Shirley’s Shaking Shuddering Shoulder,
Toothache Tiffany, Gladys Glaucoma,
Earache Erasmus, Acne and Eczema,
Cartilage Choe & Carol, Episodic Ataxia,
Dementia Doreen, Paroxysmal Dyskinesia,
Dark Dank Depression Duncan, a canker!
For reading this Ode-Moan; I thank yer!

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Forgive My Foul Language, but Starmer!
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Inchys Ode: Saturday 1st March 2025

/ Inchie / 2 Comments

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Ode Old– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
Duncan paid fewer visits today,
But perhaps I shouldn’t say…
It’s not as if he went away,
What will happen on Saturday?
Good luck to me isn’t anticipatory,
If it comes, it’s always only briefly,
Though it always returns, worryingly,
But I write this ode ultracrepidarianly,
I got that from my thesaurus dictionary,
My life bears moments of uncertainty…
Conjecture, questioning my own ubiety,
No claims to rightness or piety,
Awaiting a glaucoma op and urinoscopy,
I often act subconsciously, mistakenly,
Or over-humbly, sycophantishly,
At times, I’m away with the sidhe,
If Dark, Dank Depression Duncan, Dawns,
With my own brain, I can lock horns,
Duncan’s visit can feel like an aeon,
Attracts feelings of rejection and abjection,
Are these ‘downs’ real or an aberration?
He can bring on a cruel self-beration,
Sometimes, a sort of zombification,
A low, deeper than being woebegone,
While accepting my own antiquation…
With its struggle amany and vulneration,
Dementia Doreen is another vaurien,
Incogniscent Iris, seisures often…
DDDD the opposite of High Mood Horis, you see,
Alternates with DDDD visit frequently,
One extreme or the other, persistently,
Never equidistantly or contentedly,
I can struggle to find reality, facticity,
Thoughts, movements show contumacy…
My neurotransmitters are dying on me, 
Are texts from limb to brain understood clearly?
A chance of it being right? They go astray!
High-Mood-Horis; I do what I can do quickly,
DDDDD? Then things can get tricky…
Throw in the odd interrupting seizure…
What I’m writing can turn to bilgewater,
I often turn into self-loathing babbler,
When Horis returns, I think he’s boshter,
Then, no matter if the problem gets bigger,
Or has the temerity to get smaller,
Or new farces & snags I discover,
While I’m under Horis’s protective cover!
Ménière’s, seizures… but I always recover,
In High-Horis-Mood, I seem not to bother..
Well, I don’t… I couldn’t be cheerfuller,
DDDD returns, I change into a self-depraver…
A curmudgeon, self-loather, a self-hater,
Yesterday, Horis was the chief-frequenter,
Today, DDDD is issuing his depressing diaspora,
Giving me paranolia, perfervour,
He’s in and out more than I use the door!
Today, more often than ever before,
Could this account for today’s pyrexia?
In speech, thoughts & actions, I palter,
Prevaricate, equivocate, peradventure,
Had my fortune told by a chiromancer,
When I was an anklesnapper…
She told Dad, Your son will, in the future,
See the world’s end and last disaster!
She didn’t say I’ll be wearing a catheter,
Or I’d have a heart attack, then get cancer,
Get shot twice, Cataracts or Glaucoma,
FND, or be fitted with mechanical aorta,
An ankle, throat and Duodenal ulcer,
Or I’d get thrown into a canal, then a mere,
Ingrowing toenails, or get ever-deafer,
Or I’d say thingummy, whatchamacallit, dojigger,
Impaired memory, due to Doreen’s Dementia,
Or I’d fail to get a job as a railway porter,
Through being colour blind, called protanopia,
Or I’d end up an octenarian with dysphoria,
Or fungal lesions, & sweet memories of Grizelda,
Or I’d be killed by a man called Herr Starmer!
As would many a pensioner and farmer,
Or have to grow up with child-sized todger,
Or succeed with a landladies daughter,
The nurse arrived to change my catheter,
Getting the tube back in meant a lot of swordplay,
I wouldn’t go back in straightaway,
We had a bit of a shilly-shally…
We got it in, although it was bloody,
Then she checked the state of my rear alley,
She gave the piles some close-up scrutiny,
She treated me kindly, ointmentatily,
Barrier creamed things gently,
She groped the swollen testical for me,
I was embarrassed; I didn’t act squeamishly,
No real pain, things felt a little sorely,
Thanked her, wished her well, merrily,
When I moved, things kicked off painfully…
After my Whoopsiedangleplopski!
I took a tumble down on my right knee,
The cather tube yanking at Little Inchie,
Care arrived; perfect timing to lift me,
Onto my computer chair, swiftly,
No serious harm was caused, thankfully,
The only real pain was testically,
Little Inchie felt a smidge itchy,
In the shower, a biol in my armpit!
I go in a tangle doing arithmetic,
My wind escapages were miasmic,
DDDDDawned, why did I feel complicit?
Guilt, shame, I felt I was a nudnick,
I wanted to run away, be nomadic,
Another seizure, after which I felt sick,
Inside, was I adopting things pseudologic?
I finished this ode; is it oxymoronic?
I sat for hours doing nothing!
At the computer, apparently just staring?
Yet I couldn’t stop thinking,
Mostly rubbish, pointless rambling,
Not in a seizure? My thoughts alternating,
Forgotten in seconds, more were coming…
No logic, common sense or warning?
Dark, dank depression Duncan was dawing!
I went with the flow; it wasn’t even annoying,
I don’t see why, but this was humiliating,
As silly things I started contemplating…
I, was the only thing I was hating,
My interest in everything started abating,
I’m so tired, having done and achieved nothing!
I’m ashamed; should I be publishing?
I so miss circulating, & friendly badinaging,
Mutual silliness, verbal consorting,
Oh, it’s already time for my Warfarin,
I might have a shandy with the medication.
Almost immediately, there’s less aggravation,
returned; my new addiction,
I can’t give a toss now about any affliction,
Gone are my worries and agitation,
I am proud now to be an anythingarian,
I could fight Starmer and Satan,
Who I think are working in collaboration.
I laugh at ailments and debilitation,
You’ll maybe read this as deliberation?
But when DDDD leaves, I lose my tension.
If only my Doctor would pay attention!
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HOWZAT!
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A bad day.
Put most of it in the day-long ode. Sorry.

Didn’t get up until past 06:00hrs.
The pouch was taken off and emptied.
Waste bags sorted and ready.
Made up some pots to use for the laundry.

Carer Chris arrived. No diabetic socks were needed to be put on, as I was planning to do the ablutions & medicationings later on.
As soon as Chris departed, I got in the wet room.
Shaving first—two cuts. The teeth went okay. No showering done, I was up too late. I dried off and had a heck of a job getting the fresh protection pants on. They are the thicker ones, as I’ve run out of the dearer ones, and with Starmer nicking my winter fuel money, I must cut back.

Carer Christopher took this on his second call, returning the laundry for me. It’s an excellent shot. I took three, but they all came out with massive shiny spots on them. Thanks.

Finally I got on the computer.
Determined to do a themed ode (above).
It turned out a bit dreary and covered so many things that I lost the plot altogether. It took me hours to complete, so nothing else was done, including sorting out the catheter equipment. Humph!

I took a break late in the afternoon. A cuppa, and went to investigate what nosh I had to make a meal with later on. Not a lot. So I think I’ll have a frozen ready meal with some bread. Then again, we’ll see what happens.

The nurse mentioned above arrived. A lovely lady.
Embarrassing it might have been, but she was so good at keeping me calm. XXX

I took this snap as she departed.

Back to the ode and eventually, I got it finished.

By then, it was really dark outside, but beautiful. I’m so glad I saw the sky when I did. I only went into the kitchen to make sure I’d not left the tap running or the fridge or freezer door open. What a colourful sky!
To the right.
To the left.
Zoom in ahead.
Well pleased with these efforts.

Carer Chris returned. Medications given.

I decided not to make a meal yet. If I leave until after his last call, I may be able to stay awake long enough to watch the FA Cup match highlights.
But then again… Hehehe!

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TTFNski!
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