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As days go by, I would not have missed this one had it disappeared into the ether. Cock-ups, confusion, worry, semi-panics, depressions, frustrations, apprehensions, fears, dejections, rejections, vexations, and complications. Making it even worse, self-pity visited a few times. More killings and stabbings. A 
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and the persistent today 
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Still, it could always be worse.
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Woke around 06:30hrs: Having slept, albeit a broken sleep, for over 6 hours! Dark urine again.
Topped up the freebie thank you drinks shelves. Much more choice for the Carers & Nurses.
Put the waste bags in one.
A hard work getting the motion to start.
The Asda order arrived.
It took me some time to get all the bags into the kitchenette. In doing so, I suffered a little bit of a 
. I caught my ankle ulcer against something sharp in the bag I was carrying.
I brushed the bag against it, but it was no bother. I didn’t howl, wince, swear, or anything of that nature. I laughed it all off and merrily carried on carrying the bags in. 
Instant mash with cheese, pork pie, bacon off-cuts, Lactofree milk and some haddock goujons. Never tried these before in a light batter; it might just suit my taste buds, but 
…When I was taking them with the other fresh foods to the refrigerator, I dropped some stuff and then 
. 
And proceeded to tread on the goujon packet, and the pack burst open, distributing the crushed fish bit around the kitchen floor! This time, I did howl, wince, and swear a bit. Got some antiseptic cream on the wound, and carried on sorting the food out.
A selection of naughty but nice desserts, seasoned potato slices and mash, tomatoes, pasties & a packet of coffee bags for the carers to make and drink in their restroom. The 
tomatoes were Dutch and delightful!
Milk Roll soft sliced bread. Brown French baguettes, cheap kitchen 
towels.
I think that the fridge has never been fuller.Â
I’ve still got the pasta packets to use up. I think, just maybe, I am a little nervous from when I 
scalded my hand months ago.
The Freezer is also fuller than ever. I will not receive any more food deliveries until next week. I even had to throw away some dated stuff to make room for the bread and baguettes, which now will fit into the freezer drawers. Carer Kara later took them with the other bags to the chute for me. ♥
Concentrating on blogging for ages and ages, I suddenly noticed that it was light now. Thought I’d take a picture of the view on offer. Such a gorgeous sky. I also realised that I’d been up for a long time, and it was now 11:00hrs… and no morning carer had been – or had they?Â
I knew I’d had a earlier this morning and was toying with my head. Uncertainty, doubtfulness, and an unreliable trust in my own memory.
Had someone been or not? That is the question at hand now. Surely someone had been by now? I could not get anything from my memory box about one. Not that this is unusual. The first clue of any positivity was that I had not got the diabetic socks on. (But this has happened often before, when I forget to ask the Carer to take them off at night or to put them on in the morning). In fact, I had wrapped a throw around my legs to keep warm while on the computer – doubts still lingered, and I didn’t want to ring about it for fear of being told that I was talking rubbish again. A lingering doubt in question… was could I be certain or not? I still couldn’t decide. I was too nervous to ring to check. I’ll 
wait until the midday Carer calls and check with her/him. I was baffling myself. Battling a battered brain and unreliable, failing memory-blank is not easy. I’d say the words to use are ‘Frustrating’, ‘Embarrassing’, ‘Annoying’ and ‘Hopeless! If only the social and medical helpers would read this blog, they would learn more about the problems that I will no doubt forget about within days. Humph!
That’s something else that concerns me about my memory, well, more like amazes me. Sometimes, when writing the blog, I am able to press on, but once I am interrupted or waylaid by the door chime, a phone call, having to empty the catheter bag, the need to check if I’d left the taps running, a visit to the 
, cooker on, fridge door open, etc., getting back into it is a real struggle.Â
I’m still not certain that a Carer did not call! Doubts linger on, and an awareness that things are not going to get any easier worry me now. Although, if (when) I do get worse, I may not be aware and stop fretting over the situation? I’m becoming a bag of nerves and fears. But only part-time, now and again?
I waffled on a bit there, sorry.
I’m back on with the blogging. And shortly arrived. I was still in a state of semi-confusion when Kara came. I mentioned my doubts to her. She checked something on the mobile and then looked at the record log. (I wish I’d done that earlier, Tsk!).
Kara gave me the early morning medications and got my socks me legs. She has no time now, but she’ll try to help me tomorrow with the confusing emails that I’ve received. She took the bags with her and did the Safety checks on the taps, doors, and stove were not left on. Thank you ♥!
Memory Blanks again.
I assume I took these shots at different times in the late afternoon. I’m pretty certain, but not sure, of the artistic clouds in the sky. The second shot down tempted my Pareidoliaising instincts. To my eyes and mind, it reminded me of all things, of the Red Dwarf spaceship? Not so much now after I’ve put it in and looked again though. Can anyone else see it? Or is it just me? Hehehe!
The well urine filled almost caught me out.
What a relief! Haha! The backflow pains gave me the nod that it needed emptying post-haste.
Carer Chris did the last two calls. Nibbles and a drinkie. Night pouch attached, diabetic socks removed. He left me nodding off. Hehe!
I nodded off as soon as the lad had gone and had the best sleep I’ve enjoyed for ages. It was a short but Shock-free session, and I was soon back up again at 02:10 hours, needing the Porcelain 
Throne. It was another Constipation Conrad session. So I stayed up and got some tidying up done, then onto the computer. I soon drifted off to sleep after Chris had gone. But burst back into life at 02:20hrs, in need of the Porcelain Throne, despite 
Doing her best to have me over. Stayed up and back on the computer… It’s a hard life, full of strife, no wife, mental confusion, physical ailments rife! Still, it might get better in the afterlife?
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Siriol!
Cheerio, in Welsh!
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A little lighter colour this morning.
Morning sky shot
And… a ground shot!
Balcony doors.
Later on, a kitchen view.
End car park.
Kitchenette.
Midday gloom. It did brighten a bit later.
Nearly caught me out again!
I took this Kodak Tim shot.
I struggled to get stripped and clambered into the bed. In particular, 
 gave forth pains, complaining as I got in and settled into the new second-hand bed. I struggled further, getting into a pain-free position for sleep.
I just got myself deeper into a mess again. Not being able to see or understand the controller 
did not help much. Within two minutes of my laying down in the snug bed, I’m afraid that 
was angry at all the leg lifting needed.
, at long last. I had turned on the TV, and the 16:00hrs News 
was starting, but I soon drifted off into a wonderful oblivion. Heavenly sleep! But it didn’t last long. Five minutes later, 
turned up, full of the joys of spring. Hahaha! He issued the medications, and I was in the chair for the entire visit, mumbling about needing sleep! Hehehe! He didn’t hang out and left me wishing I could get some sleep!
. Worran ‘orrible night!
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Woke and rose at 04:15hrs: After over five hours of kipping! Grrreat! Took me a while to nod off, but I only had three, I think 
didn’t visit me once! But, as usual, when I moved, this time it was both 
giving me grief, and it must have taken me five minutes to get to the wet room. More on that later.
& 
launched an attack that I ended up surrendering to and gave up trying to do this blog. Defeated!
, I’m surprised I have any skin left on my head; it was falling off all day. Later I rang Sister Jane, and she and hubby Pete were not in good health at all. Jane’s cough sounded terrible. I’m worried about her now. As I moved to get the B17 tablets that Jane had told me had a
, I took a tumble when 
Passed well, not a bad colour.
Kitchen view.
This is getting bad now. This time, as I was trying to get a decent shot, a 
, not only that but 
joined in as well. Then, after taking the sad pictures and closing the window… 
I made a brew of Glengettie and got the computer on to work on this blog. A new Caregiver arrived and Medicated me, put the diabetic soaks on for me, and had a little natter. What about escapes me now. Tsk!
 or maybe 
, but I recall nothing of this time whatsoever. The rot had set in.
called, and I bluffed my way through. I think, in fact, I did not stop talking to the poor gal. It would help if I could remember what she was talking about. I think I may have, possibly, conceivably mentioned the Lurgy because Joanne sounded like she had a sore throat… or did she?
What amazing views.
Gorgeous.
Oh, how I’d love to recall the pleasure of taking them.
I do recall taking these.
Best nosh in a long time.
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Bad, innit?
He looked poorly. No, cheering him up at all was successful. He must be going through hell with the diabetes symptoms. Poor lad.
to take photos of each meal I’d bought.
Collectively.
Mushroom Risotto
Vegetable & Lentil Hotpot
Three bean Chilli
Vegetarian Cottage Pie.
Meat Free Chilli.
Cumberland Pie.
arrived. She rang the Community Nurse’s place and told them about the new Catheter pouch being too long and the tube too thick. They said they would replace them with men’s day bags ASAP. Thanks, Kara! ♥.
like last time. I went into concentration mode and proceeded to make up the templates. 
. We had a natter after she’d sorted the medications, and she had to rush off, busy, busy, busy; bless her, leaving with a smiling face.
. 
Dagnabbit, and balderdashski! I’d missed two days off and doubled up on another. And now they are all out of order and sync. Crying was an option, as was cursing and self-recrimination… not as far as suicide, though! Chris thought it was funny. Huh! Boy, was I irked at my own stupidity! No meal or TV watching tonight; I had to correct the errors and spent an aeon getting them sort of nearly, well, something like an imitation of a workable order.  
Not a good shot, Tsk!
A smidge betterer?
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Adios Amigos!
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The nocturnal catheter bag was removed.
Say no more…
A tablet was found on the carpet.
Complete reversal.
Plenty of time for the cross-wording.
Wash & shave.
The new slippers are back on!
Waste bags sorted out.
This’ll see me to the funeral.
That filled up qui
Then, some spare straps.
Blimey filled up again!
But I did get to do some crosswording.
See the stain on the carpet? That was where the damned catheter had been leaking, for all the time I was merrily crosswording and waiting for the evacuation to develop, that never did! Humph!
I tried to take some decent shots of the evening view as I titivated the stew I was cooking.
A bit wobbly this one!
Blimus! Filled again!
I’m not sure why I made such a fowl-tasting bean stew. Make the regularly, but have never done one with such a  terrible flavour? Eurgh!
Caught the moon.
Then, the lights in the night.
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A wee bit dark. Haha!
The first morning view.
Eurgh!
. But didn’t.
I found a bruise on top of my left foot, but I didn’t know why or where from. Oh, and I did the shaving while standing in a bowl of hot, disinfected, soapy water with bi-carb in it, so the dirt came up from the feet. And all without slips or injuries! 
diabetic socks out ready, as 
arrived.
eruptions, but only if I can get the time to let it soak in properly under the diabetic socks. Which Richard put on for me next after giving me the morning prescription medication and Peptac.
I saw something in the photo that had me back on the computer and CorelDraw to make the graphic I spotted. I just had to do it!
My sense of humour was alive and kicking!
The doorstep-sized sliced Sourdough bread was massive. It was a substitute for two little sourdough rolls. I’ll ask if anyone would help by taking half the loaf to use cause it was far too much for me to eat without it going out of date, and I had no room in the freezer.
At last, I’d got some of the Branston Fruit Sauce, 3 bottles; although they were not cheap, they remain my favourite brown sauce. The diddly bananas will do for me. Some biscuits, too.
The light arrived, and I took these shots.
From the kitchen window.
Again, the bladder pains informed me that the day pouch was backing up. I can’t understand why it has been doing this lately?
One from the bank.
The other is from Lisa in the USA with a Christmas Card; bless her. She is such a treasure to me. With all her ailments that outnumber mine, I think she’s so caring and kind! 
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
She is calling tomorrow to take the DVT Warfarin INR blood test for me. All my sweetheart connections
today are cheering me up. I took a can of Gin Spritz to neighbour Jo,sie too.
Przyprawa and liquid sea salt were added to the tomatoes in the saucepan, and later, I added the bacon and some soya pieces. I can heat this up easier later on.
Two late afternoon shots.
, into the balcony to take a couple of shots. I got the first one just as the sun seemed racing down over the horizon.
By the time I’d got set to take another…
The sun had disappeared!
It went down gorgeously. Well worth the long time spent in preparation. I ate the sourdough bread and most of the tomato and bacon mix. Great!
Inchy adopts another
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Not much passed overnight.
This sad photo was taken from the kitchenette window. Supposedly, a close-up of Cavendish Avenue.
Then, I tried to get a decent view of the horizon
Had a mug of J.S. red label Ex-Strong tea
I asked the lad if he could help me with assembling of the table. Negative response. But I still gave him his treats, as usual. Bless him!
Bit of a change here…
Visit four: Another variation on an old theme.
Another attempt at a decent photo as it got lighter.
I nearly got caught out when the day punch suddenly filled up again. A little dark, still, too.
Hours later, I nipped out on the balcony to view the end car par mudslide. Shrinking back again. It might be gone soon if we do not get any 
Surimi sticks, tomatoes, beetroot, chips, cobs, with a side of Chop sauce. Not bad at all
Slurped!
Ice cream followed.
I was drained, and I put the computer in ‘sleep mode’ and fell blissfully asleep… for five minutes or so. 
Tormenting, teasing dreams that even I could barely understand flowed for a couple of hours or more. Constantly bursting awake… Yet seemed to go back to sleep immediately? It was as if I wanted, needed, I had to, involuntarily, get back to the nightmares. Oddest few hours mentally than I’ve had for weeks! 
Lovely shade on view.
Tried a little closer.
Then, to the left slightly.
Naughty!
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nocturnal pouch in the night. I’d forgotten to ask the Carer to empty the day bag before attaching the might pouch, and the bag was getting too full and rather painful in the bladder area. Ruined my sleep as well with having to get it taken off.
05:00hrs: Hence, the colour of the urine when I got up in the day bag, was far too deep. Humph!
Meandered into the kitchenette, got the kettle on, and tried for a change, to take a decent morning photograph.
They were of my usual standard – rubbish!
Made up a waste bag from the others, and as I placed it near the front door, I had to hasten… well, hobble swiftly to the wet room for the morning session.
Gorblimey, that was messy again!
The first one wasn’t…
The second is even worse.
The 
needed emptying.
The well-sellotaped box it arrived in, was awfully light. I can imagine myself getting the shakes and knocking the table about with ease and spilling, dropping and swearing a little, maybe, when I use it?
An hour or so later, the pouch was near;y full again!
But it did look a ‘lighter shade of pale!’ (Wasn’t that the title of a song back in the d
Getting dark earlier than ever.
did the next check. I took his Health Checks before he left. Another good one from the lad, a healthy specimen of a Carer. Hehe!
Caught some contrails in the oddly coloured evening sky, with the sunset… It was Bootiful!
Flavour Rating: 9.2/10. Gorgeous!
How the view had changed from 30mins ago!
I bet you all got this one!
Another change of view.
This ode was only meant to be funny!
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You… well, even I couldn’t believe the mess I got myself into with the computer today! I was so frustrated that a loathing of myself and a continually hounding at me with a horrendous amount of lousy luck flourished furiously. 
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Early nosh again.
Prepped.
Put the card in and took this effort of the red sky.
When the computer went down for the first time, I tried to photo some of the screens that filled the screen… But they went off as I took the shot… talk about bad luck. Not that anyone can help if they see it, all very technical with no signs of what I had to do!
Opened the internet, Google.
Late afternoon delight.
The bottom field, lovely looking weather, no one around, which I found out of the ordinary.
A later shot of the sky and clouds.
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TIP: Seasonal
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(A caring gal), was eventually recognised as the fizzled brain tried to get into gear. It was hard work, confusing and annoying to me cause I knew I was waffling about the leg straps and diabetic socks but could not get a hold of things. 
Storm Babet was settled in for the majority of the day. A run of nine hours of rain. As a record of this, I took photos of the end car park mudslide throughout the day as it gradually grew gruesomely!
Tried to take a close-up through the window.
Then, opposite the flats.
It’s flowing down now.
Tried a closer shot with the window open.
Then, an even closer one.
Muddier water now…
Still growing slowly.
Another close-up.
The top white car had escaped.
It’s at its peak here!
Ablutionings.
Mug of Glengettie.
Poor gal got soaked in the rain, and her feet and socks soaked through. Luckily, I have several pairs of new, unworn socks from back in the day when they fitted, and I could use 
. And we went in to pick a pair so she could have dry tootsies on for the rest of her rounds. Lovely gal. 
It was never easy to manipulate by getting worse legs into the darned thing. Every time, I ended up with bruises, bleeding or blood nips. Many Tumbles as well. But nowadays, she lurks in the spare room, and I feel a hatred (well, fear) for her each time I go into the room. I swear the green-coloured, plastic-covered metal implement of torture still laughs as I go by! 
As indeed, the other five visits of the day were!
The plastic pouring cones arrived. I refilled a dropper bottle with Olive Oil. And to think they came from Taiwan within three days of ordering! 
