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INCHY’S SPORTING FAILURES
Football for Oil Drum Lane Athletic,
They soon discovered I was pathetic…
I’d like to have tried something aquabatic,
But if I go near water, I panic,
Whist; for my partners, this was tragic!
They threw me out, but I was apologetic,
Weight lifting? 1st session, I looked cadaveric!
Angling Club had no wins, but I was the bus comic,
Darts, I played better, avoiding the gin & tonic,
Mt teammates christened me ‘The Dipshit’!
At that, I found I was even more chronic!
Now, at squash, I was doing well, almost dynamic,
Of course, I didn’t win any games, dammit!
Archery, not strong enough or ergonomic…
Parachuting, I did one; it was too frenetic!
Bungee Jumping, I did one, and it was fantastic!
Second go, that was something of a classic,
I ended up in the hospital when the platform split,
Gave me a skrik, it left me spasmatic,
On a machine, I think it was electrotherapeutic,
On to my time being sportingly pugilistic,
I may have been nervous, but I went ballistic…
I was too small. That was my sitch…
The first punch I took, I was kayoed out of it!
The reasons above for this ode reading are so threnodic!
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Yet again, it was a night of broken sleep. A little different, though, this time. The usual trend lately is for me to wake with a jump or jerk, as if someone had prodded me awake. Most of Saturday night’s last night’s disturbances were almost calm and serene. But there were far more of them this time. I was having the odd mini-seizure now and then, most times after waking. Working out the time was surprisingly difficult… did you ask 
why? Then I’ll tell yers. I first went into the land of bliss as I was watching TV, and… unbeknownst to me, I moved into the hospital bed. When I decided to get up, I wondered what the heck was happening. (Thinking that I was in the recliner) I looked at the clock and saw the wall about 4 inches from my nose! Hehehe!
I tried to stand up to remove the nocturnal catheter pouch off. For a few moments, I was baffled by the situation. As I turned and hit my head on the anti-fall bar, I realised where I was and could not find the clock.
Extracting my flabby body from the bed went great! Because both Cartilage Chloe and Carole were painless. Arthur Itis’s stiffness was letting me know about it. Once I sat on the side of 
the bed, I checked the clock; it was 05:10hrs. I got the bag off of the catheter. There was not much urine in it, and it was of a top-rating colour on the card.
I wanted a mug of tea, so I went into the kitchen, checked taps, etc. and took two photos of the morning view, and it was fogless for the first time in three days.
So, the pictures looked semi-decent compared to the foggy ones taken over the last few days. I decided the next job would be to get the 
done.
I utilised the Porcelain Throne first… well, I meant to. But Constipation Conrad prevented any motions from starting.
I realised I’d not got the tackle needed. So I fetched the bath towel and Kagoule, Kaftan, Thobe, Longshirt, or whatever you call it, from the hallway. Returned to the wet room, and showered, and shaved.
Apart from a little difficulty getting the fresh Protection Pants on, all went so well that I thought it might be a last treat from the almighty before the Grim Reaper arrives. Haha!
Also, it took only 1 hour 30 minutes from start to finish! 
!
All fresh, clean, and in a good mood, given how well the ablutions had gone, I went to the kitchen to make the mug of Glengettie that I’d failed to make earlier. I got the kettle on again… The innards warned me to get back to the Porcelain Throne post haste! So, I did… I cannot believe how things changed so much. At the first sitting, nothing would move, and 
as seen, I blamed Constipation Conrad.
But it was a 
performance this time. I have never been so close to a voluntary evacuation before without it happening!
So I think I had a bit of luck there, really.
I got the tea made and reset the retro 1970s-style clock calendar. Then I got on the computer. Ten minutes later, I fumbled 
back as fast as possible to get to the Porcelain Throne again! Yet again, apart from Starmer, someone must have been watching over me. Because it was as close a job to things escaping as it was on the second visit! Phew! Can this good fortune last? Is it a trick by the devil to make me relax and get caught out on the next visit? I expect to have a few more yet. The innards started slowly churning again no sooner than when I sat back down on the computer. I’ll avoid starting to feel optimistic about the situation. My belief that things will finally turn around, only for another adverse event to happen, reinforces the idea that my bad luck is persistent. Well, it is! Tsk!
Carer Kimberly arrived; I’ve not started on any blog work yet. I forgot to ask her to put my diabetic socks on for me. What a turd I am! Sometimes, the Carers remember, but not today. Not that I blame them. Just wish I could remember to ask.
When Kimberly left, I thought about what to have for nosh tonight. I had a look at the food available in the kitchen, fridge, cupboards and freezer
I put some spuds into the slow cooker. Then, what did I do after seeing the morning view getting more blue? I took a photo; in fact, I took two. I’ll blow this 
second one up.
Can you tell what the things in the sky are? None in the first shot, just the close-up one? Thanks!
Of course, it could be some gunk on the lens? I’ll see what the next one looks like.
I’ll have some Golonkowa later on the meal. I love pork knuckle. This Polish can of it usually have plenty of pork jelly included. Very nice! I’ve got the memory of the taste coming back now.
I was tempted to nibble at the LU Cookies, my new favourite biscuit nowadays. If I open the packet, I may be tempted to eat a few, spoiling the dinner later. So, I resisted the temptation. It’s easy when you are as determined as I am to do the right thing. Alright, I only ate
two of them! 
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The blog work is getting slower and slower and becoming more mistake-ridden. I am determined to get it together and to concentrate. Then Carer Selina arrived. I’ve not seen her for weeks. She has been off for a while with a broken foot! I forgot to ask her to put the socks on again. We were having a little natter… I went into what (Selina thinks were two) 
mid-conversation.This time, it seemed I just looked like I’d fallen asleep, but I was muttering. I can recall nothing of it while I was out of it. Then, according to Selina, I started carrying on from our conversation… after a few words, I drifted off again. I think it was good that someone had seen it as it happened. But she said it frit her a bit.
After she left, 
blurred my vision, and I had to give up on the blog. I’m unsure if it was in the report, as I couldn’t read the writing. Not that anyone reads them.
I think I took this photo earlier in the day. But midst the seizures, I managed to miss it off then. I do that a lot, you know… miss things off.
These I took when I went to the fifth mug of tea of the day. I did manage to drink one of them… I think I did. I’m all over the place mentally now.
Ah, I just saw the circle I put on this one on the left. Same snap as the one on the right above. I’ve blown it up. I’m hoping that someone can determine what it is. Well, I know not what it is. Is it a bird? Is it an alien? Is it an Angel? Or is another freebie donation being delivered to Starmer as a backhander?
A Day of Mysteries, Today.
Ah, well, I’ll get summat to eat then.
Golonkowa, pickled beetroot & water chestnuts, cheesy no-butter, buttered bread rolls, and some tasteless potatoes that need the sauce to flavour them. The biggest disappointment? The crap, bland, going soft tomatoes!
But I ate it all… bar some of the spuds.
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Have a Fantastic Day!
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However, they sorted things out for me within about five minutes. And the flat rang out with open laughter from the nurses and even me!
bet this visit will be mentioned a few times when they return to the nurses’ HQ. 
I managed to do a little of my pareidoliaing of the sky and clouds this afternoon. The clear blue sky with some little puffer clouds just above the 
horizon was taken to the left of the kitchenette window.
On this one, to the left higher up, I can see so many things in the clouds. Do they seem to be gathering together to do the Conga? Haha!
This high-up shot reveals a face, baby cloud faces, and an exhaust pipe. Well, it does to me. I bet you can see things I didn’t. Bootiful!
Then, there is a snap of the bottom field below the tree copse, with the local houses looking as pretty as a picture.
ke some sky photos that might please the computer’s fussiness.
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Food warming up now.
Black bean sauce, veggie sausages, mock-chicken chicken, sliced red onions, a dash of liquid smoke, and Warburton’s Milk Roll sliced bread. The only disappointment was that I could not open the tin of water chestnuts because it had no ring pull attached to the can. I tried the two can openers, but I cannot grip the roller well enough to turn it on. Sad, innit?
Go forth forever, having fun & festivity,
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A totally different day today.
The night bag of urine was terribly dark again.
My innards gave out a blast like I’ve never known before. 
Ah, This one was better.
My second windy blast extruded from the rear end… I made my way to the Porcelain Throne again. I spent a day or two doing my best, but no action! Gave up again!
I went back to the computer and used CorelDraw. I got a call from Sister Jane, which was lovely. When I returned to the computer an hour later, Dizzy Dennis was back, joined by Back-Pain-Brenda, and misery overcame me. No depression. I took a painkiller as Brenda was vicious with it now, and as I took the Codeine, 
Toothache Tiffany put her oar into the equation. 
When emptying the catheter day pouch again, the colour concerned me somewhat. As a rule, by midday, the shade gets lighter, but not today.
I wondered, well, hobbled into the balcony for a look around. 
I took a snap straight ahead.
have been the TV licencing bullies at the door, I’d knocked over a bottle of partially drunk soda water. The cap had dislodged, and I had a mini-lake sinking into the carpet!
The sun came out momentarily. I grabbed the Kodak, went into the kitchenette, and took what I thought would be a decent photograph of the Sun.
I took a break from getting nowhere fast with this blog and took this snap of the left balcony window. It’s not too bad this time.
I looked up what to expect from the enforcement officer’s arrival. 
A cold, no-cooking meal for Inchy tonight.
Followed by a pot of Oikos lemon yoghourt.
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was the main culprit.
Morning Views.
The urine was flowing well.
Later cloud photos. From the kitchen.
Things stayed in my mind a lot easier after this. It was when Carer Chris arrived for the teatime visit. He knew somehow that I’d had a problem, as he said I was stuttering and stammering when he first arrived, then returned to my usual self. Very perceptive, lad.
Medications were issued, and he made sure I took them. Feeling a lot easier now. I
2 hours, one day 3! for the last ten visits, I think. Yet today, including the messy visit and cleaning up, I was out in… wait for it… one hour & 20 minutes! 
When Cgris had gone, I got a second wind from Gawd, who knows where, and I titivated the kitchenette floor with the fancy speed mop. 
I then realised I had not put on the alert wristbands. Thinking I must have left them in the wet room, I returned to collect them but couldn’t find them.
I searched the cabinet in the main room. I even checked the waste bin to see if I’d dropped them in there, but no luck. I felt like a proper fool as I turned around and found them on top of the £300 second-hand shop-purchased, c1966, welt-causing, uncomfortable, not-working, itch-inspirational, crumb-containing recliner.
Then I made a quick meal.