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Photo of something I dropped in 2018. I popped this in again, not being able to take photos and get them on the new computer, due to CorelDraw not working on the new computer, and both cameras being kaputt anyway. I used this as it is the same fork that I dropped today.
I kept a count of items I’d dropped today.
As a bit of a fun quiz, to see if you can guess how many things I lost grip of, this Thursday?
A: 5 – B: 15 – C: 20 or D: 34.
Not that there is any prize, but it may be a surprise.
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THURSDAY 25th JUNE 2026
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MANY CHANGES TODAY
Both legs are playing up today; the right one is higher up, and the left might be from the fractures, ’cause I clouted it last night, when it gave way, on the cabinet corner.
No moans today. Yes, there are plenty to pick from, but I’m getting sick of listing them. Which may change later, naturally. Arranging the lists and getting Carer cover to go with me to the hospital and Doctors is not working well.
Lack of communication and feedback. As with the worrying case of the Catheter.
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I’ll not mention the Glaucoma operation being delayed, and I have to phone them to make another assessment for the surgery session.
Oh…
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Little Inchys Fungal Lesion Bleeding
Inchie Ode: Sunday 28th June 2026
Inchie played in goal… once
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THE PIPISTRELLE & PIMPERNEL
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Erm… Er… but, What? – A Philosophical Cartoon?
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Mayhaps, I’d just got to a new stage in my
depressioning? Just had enough? Hehe!
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SUNDAY 28 JUNE 2026
A mix of mellowness and anger,
A twinge of hope? At least an aura,
A moment of acceptable aprosexia,
Questions asked, hoping for an answer,
Made with no guide or adjudicator,
I became a temporary faux procrastinator,
An email of complaint, anger was on amber…
Sent to the NHS, about the Catheter,
Mentioning the cataract & Glaucoma,
I’ve never felt angrier or absoluter,
I’ve never been a greedy acquirer,
Today, I could not have felt shyer,
High-Mood-Horis’ presence felt higher,
Then Depression Darius sank me lower,
Darius or Horis, which was my alienator?
Then, I’d be the apologiser, then appeaser,
Guilt, shame, embarrassment, then felt annoyder,
Recalled the dentist giving me acroanaesthesia,
Or would that have been acroparesthesia?
Either way, it left me with ataxia & aparaprosexia,
Tonight I became even more ambisinister…
With periods of drop-it-no-choice, apraxia,
Still some items on the floor, I used the picker-upper,
My knee gave way; the tendon was very tender,
Went down, hit my head on a cabinet corner,
Cry? Me? I wailed like a yodeller!
My luck stays the same, bad, whatever!
But mentally, I’m whithersoever…
Here, there, gone, coming, whichever,
Weirdly wearier, weedier, woozier,
I’m turning into a whimperer…
If only life could be easier…
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I blamed Starmer. Still do.
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Inchies Ode: Wednesday 24th June 2026
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WEDNESDAY 24th JUNE 2026
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A Daft Witty Ode
I once went out with a female girl,
And romance began to unfurl,
In the excitement, I got an injury
I went and cracked my knee,
I got entangled in her girdle!
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Inchies Ode & Clap-trap: Tue 23 June 2026
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INCHIES TUESDAY ODE
THOUGHTS ON EL PRESIDENTE TRUMP
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A hypothetical ‘Greater United States of America’ (in red). including Canada, Greenland and the former Panama Canal Zone, made by Donald Trump, Venezuela (in orange) under U.S. influence after the intervention and ongoing U.S. threats on Cuba (in yellow) in early 2026.
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I got the notepad to read my day’s memory notes, scribblings. They were terrible!
I wish the camera hadn’t died; otherwise, I would have taken a photo (if the computer would let me import it) to show you what a mess I made of them.
My eyes are getting seriously bad now. When I nod off and wake again, all I see is what I was seeing before, warped and leaning to my left. Cataract or Glaucoma, one or both, could be the reason for this, maybe?
The lousy luck in my having a seizure as they were prepping me for the Cataract pre-operation procedure, and the lady thinking I was having a stroke as I came out-of-it clutching my chest (always get an acidic taste reflux after a seizure), called the CAT team. I spent the night in the Cardiac ward. Then, months later, I got a text or an email, but I couldn’t find it because I had accidentally deleted everything from my email & mobile memory. It told me I had to make another appointment, and this time to make sure I bring a Carer along with me. Same for the Doctor’s appointment… Yes, I got one! Had to wait 5 weeks to get the earliest available one.
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I was going to send this to the District Nurses to explain my concerns over the new Catheter.
I also meant to ask how often I have to arrange for it to be changed, but I missed that off. Tsk!
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I’m Not Coping very well
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On my last visit to the Highbury Hospital
That was in about 2012; now I’ve got a second one.
Which I’m pleased about. Snags? Plenty!
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Inchies Ode & Waffle: Sun/Mon 21/22nd June 2026
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SMUG MODE NOT ADOPTED!
The new computer, which was purchased 3 weeks ago, has never worked properly. Two visits. One installation. I asked for a techie visit, & 6 weeks and five texts later, he arrived. And still things are hit & miss with the, what was estimated to cost me £350, but came in at £850 plus installation. VAT prepaid. Since then, eight texts have been begging and asking the techie to return. For weeks now. This could be because on his belated follow-up, I was having trouble with the Catheter, and the pain was warping my mind like never before – or more likely, as I realised belatedly, I had not paid him for this visit. Sorry, mate. Cash is waiting for you if you can help me with the main problem you identified so long ago during your last unpaid-for visitation. (Sorry about that. This new computer is like Mozart’s “12 Variations on ‘Ah, vous dirai-je, maman’”: Better known today as the melody for “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star”, meanwhile, the computer continues to run riot with what it can and cannot do in the system. A few times, to my delight, both hard drives were accessible. Overjoyed, I started moving and/or using them… Fool!
Until CorelDraw froze on me when loading, before the loading had finished. I could do nothing, couldn’t access any other programmes at all, couldn’t even close CorelDraw or the computer, and lost all the work I’d done, again! No choice, I had to unplug everything to close down and reboot (this almost-brand-new) computer. Wanting to cry now. Gave it a few minutes, repowered and booted it up. Opened CorelDraw.
It would have been easier to have stripped naked, gone on the balcony, done a Tarzan yodel and attracted a hundred elderly ladies to form a queue, begging me for rampant sex. For this dream, this dream to come true twice daily, and win the lottery, that I don’t even do!
CorelDraw started to load, and the busy circle turned as usual. Thinking I ought to give it longer to load, I went to the wetroom to evacuate, leaving the program running. You never know, I thought. (I do now, no!) The evacuating Trotsky Terence content, cme and came. I can’t believe that my innards could have held so much, and boy, it was so watery and stinky!
I imagine the evacuation and cleaning everything up must have taken me 40 minutes. Especially with my dropping the mop and it knocking stuff off the floor cabinet: aftershave, fresh-air sprays, toilet rolls, and kitchen towels, to mention a few. Of course, most of the towels and tissues got wet and were thrown away.
When I got back to the computer, the CorelDraw working 
circle was still spinning, but there were no increases in procedure advancement showing. So, I had to go through the whole procedure again, this time using the Win ‘Reload’ feature. Although I dare not try opening CorelDraw again, I had a brainwave fighting its way 
through the fog, frustration and futility. As I got this window come up, I’ve had it before, as with all the other graphics & photos being reused today. Cause there is 
no way I can get them on it without CorelDraw. But the computer was now giving me access to the ‘‘ForWP’’ files! I resisted getting excited; I knew it would not last long from the short history of this new computer.
And I made a good snippet of it and saved it in another file in the ‘‘ForWP’’ folder.
Tomorrow you will hear of an even more depressing history of this “One Stop Computer Shop” bought computers, wails, woes, worries & disappointments.
I got it in at the top of this blog… but things didn’t last. After all, it’s Inchie we are talking about!
The magical new “One Stop Computer Shop” purchased a computer, but it lost all connections again. At least this time, it held on until I’d actually got a graphic online!
The week’s BP record. A much better week! I tested other programmes. I was refused or challenged a few times. But bear in mind that it was made by Oligarchs in search of global financial domination. Virgin Media, which is owned by Liberty Global, paid Richard Branson (I think, $24b for Virgin Media) and ruined a great service. British Gas, Dell, Pix-Cel. Not forgetting the other Liberty Global-owned or invested in communication companies. Here are a few telecommunications, broadband, and media companies that I know of from the web:
Virgin Media O2 (UK): A 50/50 joint venture with Telefónica, offering broadband, mobile (including O2, giffgaff, and Tesco Mobile), and B2B services.
VodafoneZiggo (Netherlands): A 50/50 joint venture with Vodafone that provides mobile, broadband, and TV.
Telenet (Belgium): A consolidated subsidiary providing fixed broadband, pay-TV, and mobile communications via brands like BASE and Play Media.
Virgin Media (Ireland): A fully owned Liberty Global subsidiary providing broadband, mobile, and television services, as well as Virgin Media Television.
UPC (Slovakia): A wholly-owned telecommunications provider operating under the Liberty Global brand.
Significant strategic stakes in ITV, Lionsgate, CANAL+, Vodophone UK, Polska, and Univision.,
Significant strategic stakes in ITV, Lionsgate, CANAL+ Polska, and Univision. acquiring Dutch cable company Ziggo for €10 billion in January 2014. The acquisition was completed in November 2014, when the services of UPC Nederland merged into the new business. Liberty Global and Discovery Communications became joint owners of All3Media in a £500 million joint deal. Liberty invested £7.5 million in global broadband cable network Technetix. Virgin Media released its Netflix, which enabled the set-top V6 box. Own O2 · giffgaff · Tesco Mobile (50% ownership).
Oligarchs Supreme! (Spit!)
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🤎SO PLEASE DO, IF YOU CAN🤎
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I believe I exist in ademimonde, a Netherworld,
Dually with Earth’s hellish cankered demiworld,
I skip twixt the two; Earth, deliquesced,
And my own world, Peaceville, a nether region,
But, how do I travel between them?
I imagine it may be by my dreaming…
A move, one can float without feeling,
Not necessarily wanting or needing,
Altering a state of mind: mood-changing,
It can be flummoxing, mystifying, & puzzling,
Often meliorating, improving, bettering,
But with my fears and worries remaining,
When it comes to skedaddling,
From reality or back, without the willard,
In Freedomland, I sense I was wiretapped,
Occasionally, my tail sort of wagged,
Worries, fears, faded, I rarely wherrited,
My hands & face seemed far less wrinkled,
Yes, it’s a lonely place, as it is in the world,
In which I peristently seff-lambasted,
In Netherworld, I do not fall, waver or totter,
There is a hidden room to meet a visitor,
I often went there and witwantoned,
Getting pleasure, I often wantonised,
Why last November, I womanised!
How do I drift into my Netherworld?
A question many times I’ve unoppugned,
It just happens when least expected,
No idea why, but it’s not complicated,
Mayhap, it could be when I’m seisured?
Like a long dream that ended in a second?
Sometimes, I hear my actions being narrated,
And there’s the cellar,
where I meet Grizelda,
More, I’ll not tell ya,
Are they imaginary, chimeric or illusory?
Phantasmaly: unreal, ghostly?
Visionary, hallucinatory or silly?
Returns to reality, bring on poignancy,
Crumbly memories return visually,
After returning to reality’s peccancy,
Mayhap it’s my version of pareschatology?
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AN Ode GRAPHIC I MADE LONG AGO
Maybe when troubled by an Oligarch?
A dream, maybe I had too much Armagnac,
But let’s look on the bright side, not the black,
I have a new pain at the top of my back,
So, I do not need any antiaphrodisiac,
Must get in touch with Jenny, my matriarch,
Right knee giving way again, pains in my stomach,
More ailments, I’ll turn into a Morphinomaniac,
Ah, well, I’ll make a mug of stroupach…
If the leg gets me to the kitchen & back!
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I fear tomorrow, another visit to the QMC,
To get help physically & mentally,
Enough of this silly pareschatology…
and my falling into pathetic poignancy,
Yes, my Odes are not real poetry,
They’re calls for help, sadly…
Sod it, I burnt a finger & chips badly.
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Over Monday night, sleep, deferably through mental exhaustion more than physical exhaustion. The jumping awakenings, each one brought on, I think, by my shaking shoulder, were far less often. Despite worries that turned out to be fruitless about my mobility, affected by the right leg and knee, I had my last jump awake, noticing it was about 05:00hrs, and had two blissful hours with Sweet Morpheus.
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Inchie Today: Saturday’s Waffle & Odes20th June 2025
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G: Ayup, midduck, yer looking rough…
I: You would be if yer had my unlucky stuff,
G: Complaining again, always moaning,
I: I’ve got cause for bemoaning & groaning,
G: Have I upset yer yet again?
I: Nae, I’m sorry, everything’s going wrong,
G: Yeah, tell that to every time I come along,
I: I always have bad luck attacking, with increasing unsolved problems amassing,
G: Yeah, I know that, obviously…
But helping you cope could be tricky,
I: All you do is take the piss out of me!
G: Can’t blame me if you’re off your trolley,
I: Do yer mean sort of mentally?
G: You’ve lived too long, yer going bonkers!
I: Nae, I’ve been that since the sixties,
G: Yeah, also a worthless bupkus…
I: Hang on, bupkus, what’s that? Tell us!.
G: Man of no value, significance, or substance!
I: Why are you making all these besmutches?
G: You were caught wearing bodices…
I: I was only four, they were my mams’
What’s all this to do with my problems?
G: Don’t get upset if I get carnaptious…
It’s what happens to your soul that matters,
I: You’ve come to add it to your collections?
G: Oh, aye, we Reapers are also clavigers,
I: Blimey, more rare words, go on tell us…
G: We’re your soul’s caretakers, custodians,
I: I’ve lost your plot, worra yer saying?
G: It’s compassion that I am relaying…
I can return your soul as you get buried…
So you must avoid being cremated…
See? I can have you resuscitated!
I: And I can live again? Sort of reactivated?
G: I guarantee you’ll not be disenchanted,
I: Reincarnation? Makes me feel dejected!
G: Typical answer, I expected!
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THE DAWN OF ANOTHER DAY
Saturday 16th June 2026
Terrible night again last night, but at least the crippling mind and body failures of Friday have not affected me at all this morning. I’m curious as to what caused my problems yesterday. But so glad that Carer Ejaz made the first call. To take good care of me, I appreciated that.
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I finished off yesterday’s blog, turned off the computer, and settled in to watch a series of three World Cup Matches. But, fell blistfully asleep. For the longest period of the night. About half an hour. Then Carer Andrew arrived and woke me up, much to my discontent.
Medicines taken, legs Cetraben-creamed, Shaking Shoulder Shirley & my back was Phorpain gelled. After the lad had gone, I felt sure that sweet Morphius would enfold me again.
He didn’t. For the next five hours, I kept nodding off, but only for a minute or two, and sprang awake accompanied by various elements, 
and a few times in a “Where-the-Hell-am-I” mode.
My intentions to get up were prompted by the arrival of 
. But at least I got up today without falling back down again. That was pleasing. I pressed the ‘Booster button’ on the meter and sat at the computer for a further hour or so. hoping the water would heat up.
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I replied to an email from Jenny, then went to check the heat of the water from the tap. It was not exactly hot, so I had to boil a kettle of water for shaving. Sorry that I bothered you now. I made a terrible job of shaving. Not realising until after I washed & brushed up. How I didn’t notice before, I don’t know. A check on my Bic razors revealed they needed dishing and new ones using, but I didn’t do either. They were clogged up.
Then I had an incident with the toothbrush that, if filmed, would have been a prime recording worthy of being sent to You’ve Been Framed. I leaned to pick up the toothbrush, with the toothpaste in my other hand.
Bear in mind, this all happened in about 12 seconds. The brush shot out of my hand and hit the wall. bounced back shooting by me, rebounded off of the top tray, I managed to grab it, and dropped it straight away, and it fell into the WC.
While I was smiling at this, I realised that during the battle to control and retrieve the toothbrush, I’d squashed the toothpaste from the tube. You would not believe how much shot from the tube, spreading all over the wetroom mats, floor, sink, the WC, and down my overgenerous belly, left leg and foot, and on my testicles.
A bugger to clean up as well! Humph!
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I did my best to catch up on sleep. I actually drifted off.
For about half an hour, the Carer crept in and woke me up. This time, I literally jumped awake. Setting off, Shaking Shoulder Shirley. Carer issued the drugs, Porpain gelled the shoulder and legs. And was soon off, he was running behind, he said. I tried putting the TV on, which usually works, when I can’t get to sleep. But it was of no use; back to just dowsing and involuntarily adopted a sort of, well, a Give-It-Upperdness, and got on with creating the second Inchie Ode At I5:00hrs. I got nearer to falling asleep than I had all day, doing this. They do not flow easily when one is struggling to concentrate & has not slept for 4 days.
I paused to ask Google for advice on this.
I wrote: An 80-year-old imitation male, under stress, cannot sleep despite being tired.
SLEEP & AGEING
Insomnia is a common sleep disorder, characterised by a persistent difficulty falling to or remaining asleep, despite the opportunity to do so. People with insomnia also experience excessive daytime sleepiness and other cognitive impairments while they are awake that directly stem from sleep loss. People may have sleep-onset insomnia, which causes difficulty falling asleep, or sleep maintenance insomnia, which causes difficulty staying asleep. Some people with insomnia experience sleep onset and sleep maintenance issues.
According to current estimates, 15-30% of 70-year-old and older adults live with insomnia. Older people are more susceptible. Attributed to a few different factors. Seniors are at higher risk of medical, psychiatric and neuropathological conditions. That can lead to insomnia symptoms, as well as other sleep disorders. Breathing or restless legs syndrome. Our internal circadian clocks and sleep-wake cycles can also change as we age, and these changes affect how long – and how well – we sleep.
Additionally, certain medications used to alleviate symptoms of geriatric medical conditions can, in fact, cause more sleep disturbances.
Glad I asked for advice on the problem.
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Self-faults that one has detected…
Situations that one has diffused,
One’s capabilities… now disintegrated,
Awareness of being disprivileged,
Dreams, hopes, now devastated,
The air we breathe, spiked, defiled…
Promises, compassion are disparaged,
As truth and decency are disavowed,
The poor demotivated & denigrated,
Violence, wars, Oligarchs delighted…
The balloon-of-hope is now deflated,
Death disregarded, water disconnected,
Innocents dehydrated, decapitated,
The world has never been so divided,
Commoners lives & deaths disacknowledged,
Lifetimes of pain for the disadvantaged,
Millions of colaterally-damaged, destituted,
Our new HMG has already disintegrated,
Sadly, these facts do not deprehend!
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Inchie Today: Thursday 18th June.
– – As is life for Inchie Hehe! – –
I would have used CorelDraw to cut out my face and add it to the old graphic above. But as CorelDraw has corrupted on the new £ 850 computer, which is not working properly.
Another hint at Inchies lousy luck! Grrr!
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ODE TO MEMORIES OF A BETTER TIME
Inchies’ very first EPIPHANY!
Hints of naughtiness, from his initial dip into promiscuity,
The 13-year-olds’ introduction, flirtatiously!
A neighbour who was obviously older and wiser…
In the ways of coupling, indulgency & intimacy,
Inchie recognised her instant pulchritudity,
Her first move had him surprised, but smiling,
He’d never enjoyed such passionate groping,
Then hairy-breast fondling, desire for more growing,
On which she was soon educating,
Guiding what was firmly expanding…
Sex on his first date… Amazing!
He sensed an inner central heating,
They carried on fondling and amalgamating,
It turned into a thrice-weekly practice…
One that Inchy would never miss,
The settee, bed or on the Axminsters,
She showed how to use some appliances,
One overheated session, they needed bandages,
I’ll leave you to guess the reasons…
And Inchy has still got the lesions!
He never again built plastic aeroplanes!
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5 years before his Epiphany!
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-The giving way on me, right leg-
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Inchie Today: Wednesday 17th June 2026 – Teriible start ot the day!
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MUST BE THE WORST DAY EVER – UP TO NOW
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LOUSY NIGHT – CRUEL MORNING
Managed a few moments of sleep, kept waking up in a right peed off mood. Just needed sleep, but the demons and evilf-fieindly bad-luck-bringing thoughts of my own concoction seemed unbeatable today.
Rising from the bed and hobbling my way to the nocturnal Catheter pouch on the floor near the recliner, my right leg gave way, and once again, as yesterday, I was fortunate enough to lean towards the chair to land semi-softly and injury-free.
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I was still sitting in it, and trying to nod off again, as the intercom chined out its “Oh, Susana” tune. The knee gave way as soon as I stood up, and by the time I’d got to the panel to admit the Carer, it had closed down. I waited a few minutes to see if they had been admitted or would ring back, then returned to the recliner, expecting the Carer to come in. “Oh, Susana”, rang out again. This time, I got to the box a bit quicker and in time to let them in.
Carer Mizra appeared, did a body check, and creamed or gelled the areas in need. Shoulder, back and genitals. Then Mizra got the medications issued.
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I was pleased with how the new computer was working. When first opened, both external drives were accessible! But, of course, within a few minutes, they had disappeared. Back to normal, then. The hour-and-a-half Carer visit didn’t happen, the same as yesterday.
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1) The computer, specifically CorelDraw, froze as I clicked export for the Cartoon to go to the file to use here.
2) I could not close down by the regular route. So had no choice but to turn off at the power sockets.
3) But I could not get the computer to reboot.
Nothing but trouble since paying £850 plus fitting to get this computer, and I could not find his telephone number!
But knew that Mizra had it, as he liaises for me.
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4) Carer Andrew made the short midday call. I asked him to ring Mizra and ask him to call the engineer. No reply, so I don’t know if he did.
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5) While he was here, I tried a couple of times to get the computer back on, but both attempts failed.
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6) I found the Carer lying in the hallway on his mobile.
I thought he’d gone. I asked him again to contact Mizra for me. No response.
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7) I did get the loading to go as far as the opening label screen, but this one usually comes up first… so it was not a surprise when the ‘Working Circle’ appeared and the mouse arrow showed on the screen. It stayed like this for over an hour! Demoralising!
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8) I turned everything off at the power again and lost the TV signal in doing so, and heard a series of Beeps coming from the hard drive.
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9) All off again. TV was not affected this time.
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10) This had to be my last try. I was so downhearted.
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11) Then, I got a telephone call from a something navigator, from the Doctors Surgery. She mentioned a meeting with advisers I’d been invited to via email. There was a vague memory, but nothing certain. The lady explained it was about sorting people’s needs out, and the best way to do so. I jumped at the chance. I think she said someone would be calling to arrange a meeting.
Linda, I think her name was. I mentioned my wish, if possible, to go into a home. In hopes of relieving the tensions from getting nothing sorted, with problems being added almost daily, which challenges my sanity, health, and my ability to cope.
12) Today is a good example. The early tumbles. The computer is playing up yet again. No hot water. 4 weeks since my last shower or shopping assistance. Adding to the Banking, British Gas, Virgin Media, the new Catheter’s lack of information or instructions. No help was given with managing procedurally.
13) Do I carry on with a weekly day-bag change? Is it safe to use with a nocturnal pouch fitted?
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14) Not that I could put photos on the blog, anyway, both camers are broken!
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14) Now, my prime love/hatred, the new computer, cannot access CorelDraw or Excel. So, there are no graphics or photographs that can be used. Other than any already in the WordPress gallery.
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15) I rang the District nurses for help on how to manage the new Catheter, who told me to contact the QMC. I went on a little about the situation I am in.
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I then rang Jenny, who rang back. But I was not really with it t the time, in fact, I had a nasty seizure after making the call, mind blank. Extra confusion.
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16) I received a call back from the nurses while still a little out-of-it. I was asked if I am really interested in going into a home. I think I took this opportunity to get my thoughts out, and they will ask Matron Jackie to see if she can get the ball rolling. Brilliant. Cause things are getting worse here now. Problems increasing, solutions decreasing.
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Movements from the rear end started again today, all in Constipation Conrad mode. A bit of blood each time from the haemorrhoids. At least no accidental evacuations with Conrad.
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I’ll have to do only the Ode. Oh, it’s been such a busy, annoying day; I’ve not done it yet.
I suspect this blog holds ampullosity?
Changing moods bring ambivalency,
Spent most of the day crestfallenly,
Spent many sessions self-critically,
Problems showing no curability,
Concentration, showing a deficiency,
Hopes, needs, logic, all seem to disagree,
Depression increases, diurnally…
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Is life, like a politician, an effigy?
Not realistic, no ecclesiology?
What happened to youth’s excitability?
80, first time owing for your electricity?
Into the mist, goes you equilibrity,
No more mental or physical euphony…
I used to hope for an epiphany…
But life now proves more euphuistically,
I also dreamt of finding eudaemony…
I got this depressing ennui!
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It was once suggested by Dr Neurology,
To help me electroencephalographically,
But that was in September, 2003,
Then a stroke, TBI, and Cancer hit me,
Dr Neurolgy again saw me in 2023,
Sometimes I can think with clarity…
I hasten to add, this happens rarely,
Then my mind goes wanderingly,
Mind blanks can hit anytime, lastingly…
or for a few moments, mysteriously,
Moments too, of great falability,
Frequent occasions of mental obliquity,
With unstoppable times of neurotomy,
Hoyrly changes to me nimiety,
Dementia turned me flibbertigibbety,
Duodenal ulcer, hernia, verbal nugacity,
But can I face the nitty-gritty?
The crux of the problematic matter?
Slowly but surely going détraquée!
I’m now an ace at dontopedalogy,
Few teeth left, crinkled skin, pilgarlicky…
Had enough of life’s woes & mallarky,
Being as I don’t want to sound sarky…
To avoid moaning and negativity,
I blame it on my pfropfschizophrenie!
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Lack of control, of happenings & events,
My ever-changing consciousness,
From unawareness to utter cluelessness.
People I talk to will see/hear a difference…
No in-between, Depression or High Horace,
Decisions to be made, I’m on the fence,
Knowing danger, what’s my response?
Forget; as it dies in my memory disperses,
Involuntarily, to my memory burners,
Lack of control, of happenings & events.
Make life a struggle, that’s so intense…
Worries, problems, Catheter, fears…
Self-hatred, incapable, many mental fratches,
Solutionless, can’t batten down any hatches,
I hate my changing moods & responses,
Often say things I find erroneous,
Mostly to myself, & of course Darius,
Important dates, numbers, emails…
Texts, etc., that no one can solve,
Fade away, making me feel injudicious,
I used to think that life was so precious,
Now it’s approaching worthless,
New computer, camera, faith, & hopes,
All kaput, I feel so inefficacious,
Really, my outlook is hopeless…
I hate my changing moods & responses.
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I’m Struggling!
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TTFN
Inchie: Tuesday 16th June 2026
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Today’s farcicalness, combined with my rare, so precious moments of ‘Sod-It-All’ moments…
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oozed a warning to me. Not a precise indication of things to come, as they would have been from the voice in the head. Vague in details, other than I will not like of cope very well with problems, whatever they may be. But positive that things will take a turn for the worse in the morning, certain of the timing.
I think that my absolute, assured definiteness that they will arrive as the occupant of my cerebrum (Premorbid Cognitive Impairment Inchy), as revealed and kept reminding me throughout the day, grounded the possibility that whatever these events might actually be, they will happen. Thus encouraging short, frequent visitations from 
. Which were great, though it was confusing why I should appreciate the change in outlook and, somehow, guilt-making.
Which may have prompted me to do nothing else for the day, other than updating and renewing from scratch Word-Lists that this new computer keeps finding impossible to reach to use! Then, minutes later, it finds them, then, as another of the multiple Virgin Internet failures, they are unfindable again.
I realised after hours of catching up on them, I’d saved them to the same location, ARRGH!
At the very moment I recognised this and swore and cursed a few times, the virgin Internet connection failed for what must have been the 20th time… and I had to start all over again. By the time I’d got 20% of one ending completed, early evening, it had stopped visiting me altogether.
Adding the fact that the hot water tap had stopped heating around 17:00hrs, when it should have started to heat. I had to use the kettle and the slow cooker for hot water. again. I decided not to bother shaving, too risky for spilt or fropped hot water – But I found that the cooker had not been checked, and when I moved it to clean it, I burnt my finger ends. No problem, I had plenty of cold water to use, which prevented blisters from coming up.
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By then, I was not interested in making a meal, as I was more concerned about what 
or 
I would be expected to face in the morning.
I’ll feel like a fool if nothing happens. Hehe!
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I mustered up a rather sad meal. Pickled vegetable salad from a jar, three bags of crisps, and a one-day-out-of-use-by-date chicken pieces. Threw them in a dish and added some Teriyaki sauce. Fell asleep, woke up with the television still on, and the dish on the floor with scattered bits on me, the chair and the carpet. When I got up to clear and clean things, the right leg gave way, and I tumbled back into the c1966, £300 Oxfam charity shop-bought, wincingly grotty, beige-coloured, crumb-covered from my nocturnal nibblings, itch-making, uncomfortable, positively unhealthy, and dangerous, no longer operational, virus-breeding, easy-to-fall-out-of, Catheter-tube-trapping recliner. I gave up and stayed there.
Surrounded by vegetables and the smell of the pickle, squashing the spilt food from earlier on the cushions, arms, and picking bits off of the dressing gown.
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Zzzz!
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Ideas mused over, of what to tell the Doctor about.
Seek knowledge of the new bent-end Catheter. District Nurses can’t touch it. I was told to get a taxi to the A&E at the QMC. No other advice.
But how often are they to be changed? Been having flowback &/or blockage every two weeks of two months now. I dread it happening again, especially given that I need £30 each time to travel to the A&E and back. Incidentally, on this visit, the ring road was blocked and not moving; the Fare Clock kept ticking, though. So paid not £15 for this trip, but £25.40, leaving me short of cash to get a taxi back. Thankfully, a lift home was provided.
Treated badly at the A&E when the spraying shot out of the penis down legs and on clothes – had to ask for the WC to try and stop the flood and clean myself up. I was sent through the passageways back to the WC at the door that I’d come in from hours earlier. No toilet paper or towels available ans it was flooded. Luckily, I had taken a roll of kitchen towels with me in the walker trolley.
Got back to the unit eventually, feeling a bit better. But had missed my turn. So, another wet-wait. Finally, a Doctor called my name; it was getting late, and he looked very tired. He went to get the new Catheter tube in twice, and rang someone, whom he then took me to see as he was getting his coat on to go home. I don’t think he was too happy to see me.
He looked agog when he saw the state of the bloodied and unclean on the PPs and clothes. He hastened to insert the tube but failed. A low growl escaped him, and on his second try, he gave it some stick, which went in. He spoke coherently for the first time, telling me not to touch the holding patch on the containment array that was stuck on my thigh, very important, he said. No reason given why, but still.
I sat in the corridor, wondering how I was going to get home. Thankfully, a lady came and told me to stay where I was, and someone would collect me and drive me home. The highlight of the day.
Naturally, I was the last one to be dropped off.
Desperate for a wash and clean-up, I found that the hot water tap was running cold water!
At 03:00hrs, I got the computer on (on the fifth attempt), and the pain from the Catheter tube got seriously painful. The appointment with the Doctor took ages. Today, being 16th June, the earliest appointment I could get was for 10th July. Not sure I can last that long with how things are going, or rather, not going, and getting done; and new problems keep introducing themselves.
And, I’ve been told I have to supply a taxi both ways if I want a Carer to go with me. So, that’s £30 worth of taxi every two weeks, whatever it costs to do the shopping, and Escort Carers, whom the NHS insist I take with me. Especially since this seizure and my straying into Mansfield Road in front of a bus. Now the new coudé tipped Catheter fears. The financial, British Gas, Virgin Media signing in, and the Bank problems. On and on they arrive, unsolved.
I can’t carry on like this.
I shall beg to go into a home. Where positive, knowledgeable help might be available.
Cause it ain’t getting none here. Bar, the great advice, help and understanding from Jen. 💗
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Found it impossible to get back to sleep.
Feeling niggly, I got up, knee still dodgy, and painfully tried to clean up the mess.
Didn’t do a good job.
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1951.
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TTFNski, Each!
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Inchies Monday Ode – 15th June 2026
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Bad day, not much recorded. Anne Gyna, Cathetr and Shaking-Shoulder-Shirley each a bother, and took most of my attention. I might have put on an old Ode by mistake as well. Late on, Dizzy-Dennis paid me an unwanted visit.
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