Inchcock Today: Fri-Sat 6-7th May 2020

Friday 6th May 2020

We’ll start with
THE LOOKING BACK ODE

Advice-Tips for ankle-snapper included

Whoever thought that we would end up batty?
Or slowly, our body will end up so fatty?
And for Sunday dinner, have a bacon buttie?
Alone, we sit here, not too far from the portapotty…
Fighting off the Thought Storms, recalcitrantly!

See a youngster injure, and enjoy our epicaricacy!
Getting depressed as we realise life’s now an atrocity!
Stuck in a three-roomed flat, full of self ethnocentricity!
Wondering how you’re to pay for this month’s electricity!
Can we blame it on Dementia or our quaint eccentricity?

Of course, misery holds no exclusivity,
We won’t recognise our own depravity…
Yet recall a time when we had debauchery…
Whatever anyone says, we reply with dubiosity!

No fight left; what happened to our audacity?
Now incapable of shoeing any voracity…
And how we drank and ate: It was pure gluttony,
Happy now, with two biscuits for a meal, no edacity…
And, how come the peeing has lost all its velocity?

My adiposity, obesity, and rotundity, cause animosity!
You try in the morning to be gritty… the day ends up shitty!
Give folks a good morning, trying to be neighbourly…
In return, you get dagger eyes with venom and toxicity!
Still, it’ll happen; make the best of it… although it’s a pity!

DIARY OF WOE – FRIDAY

On around the eighth time of jumping awake, and sleep was only for four hours, the annoying tingling from the bladder forced me up and out of the c1968 recliner and over to the grey overnight bucket for a wee-wee. I don’t know why I bothered; I think I’ve got another infection in the waterworks, it took ages to evacuate, and then it was painful and barely a trickle!

I opted to get a stand-up wash at the sink, teggies, and shaving sorted. There was a degree of forcing myself, for a very rare urge to get my head down again had to be fought off!

Not an easy struggle, but I won it with a bit of help from stubbing my toe against the electric stand-up airer’s leg… again! I often wonder if there is a built-in foot attractor in the pipes?

I made a start on the graphic for the Crowell Manor blog. And, along came Carer Richard arrived. And after giving me the medications, he set about checking all the dates on the foods in the fridge. I think it was eight out-of-date items. Humph! Good on him! He will review the cupboards next Thursday when he returns from his holiday.

(I started this blog, but not until Saturday, so no memories to use) Many of my notes for this blog became unreadable due to my stupidity in a rush to record them. Squiggles are too small to read! I’ll skip any that I’m unsure about and just copy those I can understand, so it may be a short double-diary from here on in for both Friday and Saturday… Sorry.

Shit comes to mind as a suitable explanatory word of how I felt! Got some photo’s uploaded on the first try! YES! I thought it might have cured itself, but it was back to hit and miss, with many more misses than hits to the later ones! It got even worse later on…

Liberty-Global and Virgin Media went down several times. It was highly annoying and frustrating. But did I let it get to me? Yes, I did!

Crap Service, crap lying company, and it should be… never mind!

15:10hrs, I got the blog finished and posted off.

INR DVT nurse came.No, honestly!  I think I may be in love here again… Hahaha! I should imagine that my being 62 years older than she is, a good foot shorter, I’m carrying a few stones more than I should – and wobbly at that, having Vascular Dementia, being deaf partially and blind, my hopes are not exactly optimistic. But somewhere in the ether lingers the tiniest bit of hope..!

Apparently, Liberty-Global Virgin Media went down three times in an hour! I read more on my memory pad cause I was so angry, I pressed on the pen harder!

CRAP!

I was struggling to get the photos onto CorelDraw, and while trying to sort it out, Neuropathy Pete kicked off, and Nicodemus’s Neurotransmitters sent the right arm and leg all over the place. I ended up with an entirely changed screen layout and four different messages on screen that I had no idea what they meant! I could not access the controls! I was buggered! So, I stopped, turned everything off in the proper order, and prayed that the screen would come back right when I rebooted.

Couldn’t get any photos to load at all!

DIARY OF WOE – SATURDAY

HERE WE GO… TRY AGAIN

Up until the early morning hours, trying to get the photos on the system, no luck, so I got my head down. Bursting awake at 06:30hrs, after four hours of kip. Panicked a little, in case I had not heard the Carer coming; they sometimes call at 06:00hrs… then realised that if they had been, I would have heard the loud ♫Oh Susana♫ tune, even if I was sleep… or would I?

I was a bit of a mental wreck, worried about not being able to get the photos on the blog… had I missed the Carer, though? Wee-wee, a mug of Glengettie, and sorted through the potatoes to salvage any that could be able to be ‘desprouted’ enough to use. Not many passed the test, but enough for tonight’s meal. Hehe!

I took a few photos during the day, but I failed on all three tries to get them onto the computer. Things are looking bleak!

200 0 0 porc The evacuated product was a little on the firm side. Constipation Konrad taking control, I bet the next visit will either be a rock-solid, bloody, painful affair. Or, of course, it could catch me out with a reversal and be a smelly, semi-liquid, messy outcome. Tsk! This is one of one’s little pleasures in older life, not knowing what to expect!

Carer arrived. Carol was a sweetheart and always ready for a laugh and natter, even when, like today and she was busy. ♥ I did the Health Checks. Later, Carer Valerie came with some things she said had been found in the washing machine, only dish clothes, but none were mine. I’ll mention it to her when she calls again; nice of her to bring them anyway.

I got the Crowell Manor Laboratory blog finished and sent off to WordPress. Then started this one, hoping that the belated photos might get on the computer Sunday for another rescued photographs blog. Hahaha!

I seemed to get further and further behind with everything today. I did get Facebooking, WP comments replied to… all to the accompaniment of Herberts clunk-clunking, noises like dropped stuff, and an occasional tap-tap-thud.

.Mind-blanks, dizzies and no rest, as I kept on trying to get the blogging done. (I finished this one Sunday morning at about 11:00hrs. I needed to concentrate on getting Josie’s meal prepared and served up by then. So as I speak (well, type), 13:50hrs, the blog has still not been posted.) There’s no time to go one WordPress Reader; I’ll have to find time somehow on Sunday.

Worra Life, Innit?

As one ages; faculties fail… and you feel like a misfit,
You can’t get out, remember owt, or get credit…
Sex is barely a memory… and that’s dying. Dagnabbit!
These are things you’ll live with, cohabit…

A teddy bear, embarrassment at your fleapit…
Ailments galore, memories of once being fit,
Summat else, bleeding when you go for a shit
Names, using, thingamabob & whatchamacallit,

Your once handsome features, now so decrepit,
Putting up with name-calling, like a half-wit, & nitwit,
Desires dying, loins failing, I can’t be any more explicit,
The advantages of Brexit… all a load of bullshit!

.

Local News Snippets – Part 4⅔rds

Local News Snippets – Part 4⅔rds

Last week’s Snippets – Part 4⅔rd,
Crimes committed by the criminal herd?
Murders, knifings, muggings… occurred,
Are sentences being suspended and deferred?
The end of public safety… read my words…

It’s started, the crumbling of morality…
Violent crimes are committed daily & nightly!
Such offences are falling, apparently?
Methinks the Government say this, lyingly!
Crime figures are given with a certain mendacity…

Repeatedly freeing killers early, to murder again,
And yet, so many people do not complain?
The average proletariat shows some disdain,
I’m known locally as a harmless lamebrain…
Who is generally a softy and relatively humane,
Who voted in Brexit to remain…
Now violent crime is sending me to Novocaine!


This young man, is our hopes for the future?


Crime reducing in Nottingham, we were told…
Now multiple murders every week, behold!
The figures are hidden, those unsolved…
Reported crimes are down… down?
That brings on a furrowed brow…
Little faith left in the legal system now!



Four months, suspended for twelve months, and 15 days of rehabilitation activities? Oh, good!.


Then I found this report…

I’m getting confused here…




Bestest ever try… still no cigar…


Link: Unsolved Nottingham Murders

The Nottingham Lads Local News Snippet Series

Inchcocks Local News Snippets – Issue 31⅕th

Issue 31⅕th

I’m pleased to be able to report,
This issue has less violence of a sort,
Minor stuff, no murders, that’s a comfort,
Cause I may find one later, to import…
There’s no need to feel distraught,
There’ll soon be more, for me to flaunt!

Here we go…

Mental Health Act, I worry about it a bit…
Many members of my family have known it…
Malcolm, and others, they have seen fit…
Locked up, losing their citizenship…
One chap, they even gave him the snip?
He hurt no one, ever, but he still got zapped?
Now my family have gone off to the crypt!

Yet none of them had committed rape or murder,
If the mentally ill are considered a danger…
Could we not have discovered this much earlier?
Stop waging war, spend money wiser…
I’m getting confused, I’m not a scaremonger…
Drug gangs, Putin, murderers, muggers and pillagers,
Greed for cash… to show off and swagger!

Nor am I in my right mind, due to Doreen’s Dementia,
I’ve not led a life, with very much adventure…
But the mentally ill can be more of a danger…
Cause we rarely find out, before they become a killer!
That they have a problem, but a lawyer is a great deluder…
Claiming mental problems, voices hear, trickery here!

As with the parole board, that frees many a murderer,
To kill again… can justice really be absurderer?
So many innocents, now laying in their sepulture…
Because of the legal system, and its pathetic nomenclature!

Life imprisonment, they get out in ten?
This is not rare, it’s happened so often…
Judges pretending that the case is disproven…
Like backhander taking referees, the Government to please,
Keep the scum out of prison, the cost does displease…
It’s cheaper to make them into parolees…
So they can murder again, and with such f’ing ease!

Fair enough, put her in hospital, to play with frisbees,
She can be assessed regularly, by overpaid committees?
She’s better now, all the parole board might agree…
They may say no, either way, it doesn’t bother their fees!
Will mental murders ever start to decrease…
Is the legal system bothered at all? That’s the wheeze!
I’m sure we could find a way to help earlier, Please!
Before we have yet another innocent, deceased!

Humankind, seem to be losing the ability for conferring…
As well as bantering, bartering, and also, discussing…
Although some other qualities, they are practising,
Like moaning, complaining, thumping, mugging…
Battering, stabbing, lying, cheating, conning…
Grovelling, drinking, drugging, belching, killing…
Bedevilling, befuddling, begalling, belittling…
Caterwauling, shoplifting, fiddling, crime and spitting,
They have taken to with eagerness, and willingness.

This violence is getting a little close to home mate!
Like Putin, who validates it’s okay to annihilate!
Drink, drugs and sex, can easily overstimulate,
They put men on the moon, dead cells rejuvenate…
Shame the proletariats’ brains won’t recalibrate!
Mistakes my those in power, they just replicate…
Knowing their failings are worse than Watergate!

Oh, yes?

Even closer to my Woodthorpe Court, great!
Burglaries, break-ins, what a spate…
I think I’ll hibernate and vegetate?
Till Jesus returns, not long to wait!

Conditional bail? Sounds dodgy, to me?
What are the conditions? What do they be?
Why have they let this animal roam free?
Justice is farcical, in this country!

I’ll try to follow this one!

Local Postcode Crimes v National

The NG5 4DZ Crime Map. Been busy ain’t they?

A scumball like that does not deserve a lawyer for free! At least he got a prat of a lawyer, who could only tell the judge that he’d been a good boy, in mitigation. With his record, how he got off so lightly just proves my saying that the law is an ass!

This Below is really sad… Heartbreaking!

Everyone is a loser!

RIP Ray Dixon

ROGUES GALLERY

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Inchcock Today: Ode to Sanity – Part11⅒th

ODE TO THE THOUGHT-STORMS
Inspired while Inchy was waiting for the action to start at his mornings’ Porcelain Throne visitation. It took a while!

The Thought-Storms on the Throne are getting nastier!
No respite, the evacuation stopped halfway, I got edgier…
The questions came at me; it couldn’t be crappier…
It’ll be a while before the pain stops, and I feel any happier!

Any logic in the Thoughts couldn’t have been scantier…
From the fear of loneliness, Putin, and questioning Santa!
Should I have a mug of tea or a can of Fanta?
The Thoughts mingled became silly and schleppier…

Hopes, then worries, self-pity, to pathetic fear!
Strangely, after so many years, I fancied a beer!
The brain was making me feel dizzy, oddly queer…
The nose began to run, and it got even leakier!

My confidence in coping died, I became even qualmier…
The Thought-Storm was driving me balmier…
I noticed that my stomach looked lardier…
And Little Inchies fungal lesion got itchier?

The Thought-Storms had me by the jugular…
I tried to fool them and acted jauntier…
Talking to myself, battling the brain,
I couldn’t move because of the evacuation pain!
The whole situation became worse again…
When Neuropathic Pete got me shaking, jitterier!

I knew that later on, things would calm down, likelier…
Suddenly the room felt cold, much parkier…
I even began to shake and shiver?
Gawd, things were getting nigglier!
I felt I was going even loonier!

The evacuation flowed again, which made me panickier,
Should I give a push, or leave it, which would be riskier?
Then the Thought Storms got even bolshier…
And the room felt like a fridge; it got so much chillier?
Was I still in the recliner dreaming? Or going crazier?

Then for once, I got luckier…
I stood up, feeling pluckier…
The evacuation ended alright,
As I pushed with all my might,
It had been a struggle and fight,
I’d won, no bleeding, I felt leerier…

For the Thought Storms stopped then…
As stubbed my toe on the tungsten…
I don’t usually appreciate the pain often…
But the Thought-Storms stopping was a gem!

Part of the Inchies True Make Them Laugh In Ode Series

Inchcock Diary & Local News Snippets Part 32⅔

Breaking News!

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Inchcocks Diary Wednesday 9th February 2022

Around 03:10hrs, I woke for the umpteenth time – I urgently needed to utilise the Porcelain Throne. Again, as I got up quickly, Dizzy Dennis visited me, but I didn’t fall back into the rickety recliner this morning. That must have pleased Harold’s Haemorrhoids; it did me, that Germoloid Cream is not cheap, you know!) However, I stubbed my right big toe on the doorframe going into the wet room… Which is better than clouting my shoulder on the doorframe!

Unfortunately, the evacuation was another loose, splotchy, messy affair. But not as bad as yesterday morning. I withheld going into a Smug-Mode, all the same.

Back to the main room. And as I got some clothes on, I chatted with my family, of fun furries. (Sweetly supplied my HRH Lisa, in the USA♥). They and even I seemed in a decent mood for once.

I got the kettle on and went to do the sphygmomanometerisationing, etc. The temperature first came out at 34.4°c. 93.92°f. I checked on Mr Google, who told me: “Hypothermia is a dangerous drop in body temperature below 35C (average body temperature is around 37°c). It’s a medical emergency that needs to be treated in the hospital! I really can’t understand this? I’ve been in the 34°c areas for over a week now, but no Health personnel have said anything? I wonder if I’ve got it wrong somehow? Hey-Ho! Confusion Conrad with me again. Did the Blood Pressure next. SYS 151, Dia 73 and Pulse 68. I’ll check these on the NHS site. Back in a bit…

Message back: A blood pressure reading of 151/73 indicates Stage 1 Hypertension (high blood pressure). Well, the Doctor knows about this, whether she’s bothered or not, I don’t know. I’m on tablets for high BP… I’ll check again… I found it; the Ramipril is for BP; should I take an extra one… or not? Oh, dearie me! One day last week, my BP MedPhorpainwas 171/65, but I didn’t feel poorly. The last thing I need is another stroke. Mind you, I’m not all the tickled pink with losing my eyesight and teeth. The hearing is virtually gone, anyway. Innit a life! I olive-oiled the ear-holes. Phorpain gelled the knees.

But I refused to wash or medicate Little Inchies fungal lesion with the darned, Oh sp painful Daktacort. This obviously is because it’s as disheartening as owt I’ve had! And my being a namby-pamby sissy, left it until later. Tsk!

I nearly made a cock-up, and took one of the capsules from Amazon that Esther said help you sleep better. They work for her brother, I think she told me. I got two bottles, one for Carer Richard, who mentioned when I told him of my waking up at night lately that he is suffering the same thing. But we must not take any in the morning, just at night to help us stay nodded-off! Har-har! Nice to be able to help out with him being a good lad.

I made a start on finishing yesterdays blog and got it done eventually. Then tried to make an order for J. Sainsbury’s. But the system was down again. Humph! Had to use Iceland. Ultra limited choice and crazy substitutions are their forte.

Started the template graphics for today’s post, and “Oh, Susana” chimed away as Carer Richard came in! The poor lad had his leg collapse on him last night, get strain and bruising. But, I cheered him up a smidgeon by giving him his CBD Hemp tablets I’d bought for us both to try. A tube of pain gel for his leg. A bottle of spring water, an Easter egg, and a can of plonk. He definitely left happier than he arrived; bless him. Don’t think I’ll see him until the following Monday now.

Richard departed sooner than Herbert kicked off with his tapping and banging. On and off all morning, but not too bad.

I got the kettle on and went back into the balcony to see the end car park parking. As near as I could tell, it looked just like yesterdays snap did? Have I made another cock-up. Whoopsiedangleplop or error? Yes, there is a difference twixt these maladies. Haha!

Back to the kitchen, I made a brew of Glengettie tea and had four chocolate biscuits with it at the computer as I pressed on, slowly getting the blog prepared. I made the top graphic for Bill and Lisa. I hope they like it. Oh, and took this photo above of the dank morning view.

I hope it doesn’t rain and make walking difficult for Richard with his leg – mind you, it would be more difficult perambulating without it. Hehehe! I am a fool!

Good heavens! Where’s the time gone to? It’s 14:00hrs already!

Better make a start on the Local news section then…!

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Animals! Back in a bit, but not happy with the first Snippet at all. Better have a perusal of the YourArea newsletter and get a few graphicalisations to use…

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

I am really pissed off with myself now!

I got a rattling shake from Peripheral Pete as I was typing… the keyboard was knocked to the floor via the waste bin. I retrieved it after a while, and the shaking stopped…

Norton had taken over the Google Home page… I’d lost the favourites bar from the screen, and somehow, Gawd knows what I did in those few uncontrollable seconds, but I lost access to WordPress altogether! To make things worse, I had to go for the Porcelain Throne session again… with bleeding as well that had to be sorted – all the time worrying about the computer mess I’d made. Then I hit of all things, my chin on the grab bar rushing to get out of the wet room…To find the History folder had opened up…

When I got back to the computer, I could have cried… in fact I think I did a bit. Anger, self-recriminations, frustrations and a feeling of utter worthlessness enfolded every part of me, mental and physical!

How I avoided becoming a gibbering wreck needs looking into. Well, I didn’t avoid it altogether. Then, I struggled to work out what I had done to get into such a pickle.

It took me a good three hours to get the favourites and font listing back – all trial and error. I found the courage to try things I would usually avoid for fear of destroying something, not the foggiest what I was doing, but my managing getting those two things back was a miracle! Now, I have no Google, but I can access Firefox, and the most fantastic thing, is I now have hundreds of unwanted fonts appearing from somewhere? And they have slowed down the whole computer!

I got a green window come up, and again, I had no idea what it meant; it seemed in part code? Then after a good five minutes, it disappeared from the screen?

The greatest farce, I use the word farce, because I was panicking a lot and had no idea what it was I might have done right, but I now have WordPress back… hang on, I might not have… I’ll have to find out by closing and rebooting I think… It allowed me to save and close everything… Oh please, please, PLEASE, let it open; here goes…

I may be fretting over nothing, but it did let me reboot.

I’ve had the same opening screen saver for weeks now… a new one came up, with the genuine but different photo of me?

The VPN had to be reset or restarted. (Norton).

But I’ve calmed down tremendously now I’ve got back on WordPress. Phew! The tons of fonts are still on. They won’t let me delete them. I’ve got a… Shit my potatoes in the oven… They are relatively well done now.

The Carer will be due soon, I’ve had nowt to eat yet, and I am suddenly so hungry.

Packing in on the computer now. I’ll try to catch up in the morning, feeling a bit nervy now, better get the nosh sorted.

I took this sky view photo while getting the nosh sorted out. Unique cloud formations that look like ridges in the fabric of the sky? Could it be the exhaust from alien invaders spaceships? Hehe!

Again, not a fancy meal, but more than adequate for an old Nottinghamian with vascular dementia, a high heart rate, and losing the plot. Sea salt and butter on the potatoes, the gorgeous podded garden peas from Kenya. Brown, yellow and red mini-tomatoes (All tastier than I thought they may be). A small BBQ burger, a pot of yoghourt. Deserved Taste Rating: 8.6/10! Nothing like being precise? Har-har!

A bit of luxury, then. I put the TV on to watch a football match while eating the meal on the tray, balancing on my bulbous, adipose, abdominous, wobbly, far-too-large stomach.

I fell asleep for the last ten minutes of the game. Then started the search to recover the lost bits of the meal, primarily peas, from the areas they had managed to hide themselves in. Some, in open view (Using the torch anyway).

I hobbled to put the light on so I could see things, unknowingly crunching several peas that had rolled on the carpet en route. Two of which squelched in between my toes and were a painful devil to get at to remove.

Two or three had found their way into the dressing gown pocket. Several in the fleshy folds of the tummy rolls. Some underneath the cushions on the recliner. A few on the side chair used by the Carers… I’m not sure how they got that far or high? Mayhaps, the most surprising escapee pea was found stuck on my left hearing aid! This was not spotted until I had a wash later?

You know that sometimes, Vascular Dementia Doreen can bring forth an amusing little Whoopsiedangleplop or Accifauxpas. That does little harm, and even to me afterwards, as in this instance, can bring forth mirth and the odd self-chuckle! Although stubbing my right big toe while bending to search under the cabinet for skedaddled garden peas was a little painful.

Got the washing up done and off for a wash. (Finding the squashed garden pea on the hearing-aid? Hehehe!)

Belated Carers arrived; due to training new gal, Kiya. Cheeky little monkey, I like her. Offered treat nibbles, said my farewells, but neither gal took the waste bags to the chute for me… so I took them.

Then, I remembered to take one of the new CBD Pure Hemp capsules. I’m hoping they will help with the recent lousy nights of sleep. I’ve been waking up, anything up to twelve times a night, and occasionally more often. Almost jumping or jerking awake. Fingers crossed! But the nurse said that it will take a few days to have any effect.

The capsules are transparent, and the contents look a little like tobacco, or maybe cannabis? Either way, the capsule slipped down easily enough. They are very light, which made me think they may be difficult to swallow, but, no problem. On this first one anyway! Hopefully, in a few days, I can find some proper undisturbed nights of rest? 🙏

The Thought Storms began as soon I got seated in the £300, second-hand, decrepit, c1968, rickety, none-working recliner. But the brain was defending me, I think. The memories of the cock-ups with the computer seemed to be masked? A mystery again as to why. But for some reason, the self-recrimination and hatred were very mild and only fleeting. Only the positive side of the days’ events was mused over??? Those are the only words I can use in describing m thoughts at that time.

In the early hours of the morning, the noise that woke me was atrocious. The loudest ever humming noise I’ve heard? Where from? I’m not sure. It may have been the dreaded not understood ‘Hum’. Or the machinery on the roof of the building? Or even a combination of both. Overnight, my sudden awakenings added up to about only six or so. Please let the Hemp capsules work!

The Nottingham Lads True Tales of Woe

Inchies Sunday… Not a pretty sight!

Inchies Sunday… Not a pretty sight!

Endamagements, Endangerments & Endurethments
Few Endearments or Enduring qualities
Not to mention the mixed-up Mental-Mind-Menagerie

The day started with my waking up in a panic…

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Ode To The Dream

The Good old days, some would say,
I’d say, somewhat bleak and acidulously,
Not so, cause, losing my hair, then-fiancee,
Getting shot and doing a drunken bungee…
I even got stung on Little Inchie by a bumblebee!
All the nurse said, taking out the sting? Was, Hehehe!

A lousy sleep again, and to a degree…
Woke up already depressed, did me!
In my protection pants, I found the pen & notepad,
With tons writing about a dream, I’d had…
I added it at the end of Saturday’s blog, begad!
————————————————————–

I kept waking up again all night. Stirred at 04:00hrs, in need of the porcelain Throne… which I visited and utilised for traditional reasons.

It tooCW01bk me an hour! This was due to faecal impaction, the likes of which put last week’s problems in the shade! I even got a few answers in the crossword book done! (Had to cheat on three, though, to get me going. Tsk!)

Made up the ode to the dream and put it at the end of yesterdays Inchcock Today posting. Took a snap of the dark, dank rainy morning and made a brew. It took a while, but I was happy-ish with it.

I decided today for a change. Made a start on Josie’s Sunday lunch treat. I’ll not put the potatoes in the chillies, and cut some spuds up into small chunks, so I can make them crispy in the oven. Then I can lay them atop her chilli-beef (canned), fresh mushrooms, tomatoes, water chestnuts and five different types of beans, with Worcester sauce, beef and BBQ seasoning.

No expense is spared when I treat someone; they get treated! Mind you, if she doesn’t like it, I’ll get a mouthful. Hahaha! If so, I’ll try to show you the scars.

As I checked on Josie’s cooking, it dawned on me that the so-called Meridian Health & Social Care Carer had not been… Again! For the seventh time! Grunglebogcraps!. So, it is a Saturday, there will… No! I’ll try that again… It being a Sunday, there is no one on-site at the flats, and I have to ring their number and get a Control Room, Birmingham, I think last time. And had to go through the rigmarole of explaining who and where I was, etc… Ah, well, here goes…

I found the Nottingham number required, and I gave them a ring. I got the being transferred message and waited for it to be answered; I made up an ode for later while I was waiting.

A lady answered, but only asked my name, no other details this time? Must they have put my number on the frequent caller list? Haha! The lady put on some music for me while she rang the Carer to see what was happening. She returned a few seconds later, telling me your Carer would be with me by 10:30hrs. I thanked her and got on with the blogging, wee-weeing and checking on Josie’s nosh.

I belatedly got the eye drops, ear drops and nasal spraying done and sorted. During which I got two calls from Meridian. The first at 10:40hrs told me the Carer would be there soon. Then at 10:50hrs, to say she was on her way.

I’d just put the chopped spuds in the oven after chopping them up. I wish now that I’d found some of the metal finger-end-chopping-up protections whatsits, whatever. Tsk!

Still, plenty of more finger plasters. And it didn’t bleed much.

Luckily, I was just returning from one of the umpteenth visits to the Porcelain Throne, and I was near enough to the intercom to hear it and see the light coming on. It was the Carer. A sweet-looking young person appeared worried and apologised straight away for being late (Elka, her name). The poor thing explained that no one at Meridian had told her I’d been put on her list! I believe her!

I made sure she didn’t fret and calmed her down by telling her that it was nothing new with Meridian. After she had done the medicationings, I offered her a choice of nibbles as she left, a lot less worried-looking and with a smile on her face! That made me feel good too!

I tackled Josie’s meal presentation on the tray. I was pleased with my effort for once. Of course, whether or not Josie likes the taste with the bit of curry I put in chilli will be found out tonight… no, tomorrow! But it certainly looked different with the roast potatoes cubed around the dish? I treated her to some mandarin sections in orange juice and some spray cream in a plastic pot if she fancied any with the fruit. A can of her favourite brand on G&T. I delivered it dead on time again, oh, I am good… Hehehe!

Josie opened the door, and immediately the roast potatoes seemed to confuse her. She wasn’t a fan, methinks. I thought they would tickle her pink… but no! My precious moments of satisfaction with my efforts crumbled. Ah, well, yer can’t win them all! At least the mandarins, G&T and Yorkie Bar got an ‘A’ from Josie. Hehe!

A smidge deflated; I said my farewells and returned to the apartment. Made the header for this edition of the blog, and for some unknown reason, the wee-weeing started back to its regular routine, which meant no time to get to the wet room, so the NWWB (Nocturnal-Wee-Wee-Bucket) was utilised for the rest of the day and night. With a fair bit of PMAD (Post-Micturition-After Dribbling).

The sun nearly made it out during a nice break in the showers. Quite colourful… until the rain returned. And the darkness with it.

Only a short period (An hour or two) of Herbert suffered up until now. I think he may have gone out.

I tried to defrag the computer and set up a regular defragging every month. But it seems the defragging took only seconds? Is that right? I’m lost again?

Working on the blog, and the sun had a second bash at coming out. I took this shot from the comfort of the computer chair.

BBC1, I got my nosh sorted out straight away. Seeing that Nottingham Forest was live on the free telly. I had a sense that Forest was going to win. Earlier I believed a 1-1 score and penalties – then while I was struggling painfully on the Porcelain Throne, it all came to me. Nottingham Forest really was going to win comfortably.

And boy, did they do it in style!

Premiership league Leicester City were not in the game. It is like Brian Clough’s glory days!

I celebrated by having two pasties, BBQ flavoured chips and tomatoes for my meal. A Cornish pastie, and a beef pastie, too boot! Not a lot!

Flavour-Rating: 7/10.

When I went to wash up the pots etc., the view outside looked amazing. Unfortunately, I have no idea why… I just couldn’t capture the scene as it looked to the eye… then again, with Cataracts, Glaucoma and Saccades in my eyes, it may not be so surprising. Humph!

After cleaning up and getting the kettle on, I spotted to my left, to the South, a cloudless patch of sky with the moon in it. So, I got the Canon and tried again for a decent shot… Best I could manage! You should have seen the other failed attempts. But I’ll not show them, too embarrassing! Haha!

Got off to sleep quickly again. But kept waking up so often… Humph!

The Nottingham Lads True Tales of Woe

Inchcock Today: The Nottingham Lads Local News Snippets

The Nottingham Lads Local News Snippets

Gotten Himmel – Seven Hours Straight-Through sleep!

What a marathon, a pleasurable hypersleep!
When I woke, my joy did reep…
But I’m not going to threap…
But I did spend nearly an hour on the toilet seat!

The carer gals ganged up on me… but I was alreet,
I dropped two tablets, but they only spotted one!
Still, I gave them a nibble and drink as a treat,
If I left it to them, I’d be dead and gone!
Thanked them and carried on…
Getting the beans, seasonings and chunks of meat,
Carefully prepping the chilli for Josie’s luncheon!

I was already feeling somewhat smugger,
Until I went to the Throne, a right bugger!
Harold’s Haemorrhoids bleeding, the flow rate larger…
Then I realised, the fungal lesion was bleeding too!
But I began to get a little cheerier,
One thing that went well though, was the poo!
The Brute worked, and I cleaned up getting things drier,
Again, I as soon felt frumpier,
Had another toe stumper!

Got Josie’s nosh sorted, but it was a scramble…
Too long doing this blog as a preamble…
So I rushed the prepping; took a gamble,
But didn’t land in the proverbial…
The tray prepped, I dropped some bit… that’s immaterial…
It was delivered on time, keeping my record was essential,
Josie was in spirits, a chinwag was attainable,
Wished her good eating, and Josie was delightable!

Back to the kitchen, tap left running again, I’m blameable!
Got the pots washed and put away, then, being so capable…
I’ve the habit of doing this, I dropped the kettle…
Burnt my leg, took ages to clean the mess, I’d had a bellyful!
I’d broken the handle against the table!
Took a photo of the end car park, just because I was able!

My frustrations with myself, are indescribable,
Self-loathing, grudgeful, and yet, also grateful?
I suddenly realised I was really lucky!
Or do I mean highly gullible?
I’m still going, not strong, but plucky…
I’m not sinful, and definitely not skilful…
Why thinking like this, confusion was plentiful,
I’d better get on with the blog before I get forgetful…
Yet, for some reason or other, I don’t feel stressful?.

Local News Snippets

This is a sport?
Violence to report…
A game, tempers short?
Well, not my sort!

Well said Police Officer Sarge…
Amazing, can you enl
arge?
Will anyone be charged?
I don’t mean to be a targe!

So sad, I used it so many times!

An anti-social behaviour injunction?
He’s a scumbag, give him a vaccination!
One that might improve his sensitisation…
Pentobarbital should help is putrefaction!

Nottinghamianese to the core!

Worrying!

Fingers crossed!

How many years will the animal be given?
Will he be yet another freed prisoner to kill again?
Judges, parole pillocks show stupefaction…
Or should the question be when?

Another potential killer.

Inchcocks Postcode crime figures…
Can’t say that they assure us…
Police redundancies and station closures!
Stabbings, murders, bleachings, fractures…
The courts give them stiff lectures…
The odd lengthy sentence in the mixtures,
But the worst of devious plicatures…
Are they are better of inside… time for reflectures?

I know, I know… but it rhymes! Hehehe!

Particularly nasty, bearing in mind who she was working for!

Argh!

LATE NEWS FLASH!

♥ I put the photo of Lisa on the header, cause she’s lovely! ♥

The Nottingham Lads Local News Snippets Series

Inchcock Today

Inchcock Today

Fings ain’t too good. But I’m absolutely fed up with hearing myself moan and waffle on about things. So, I won’t!

Photos from yesterday and today…

Carer… erm… Sorry, I’ve forgotten her name.

Intercom screen (Yes, it worked!)

Today

Got up late today. Then, remembered that the Iceland delivery came yesterday! Thought the Iceland delivery was due, so took this snap of the bitterly cold mornings view and shot (Hehe!), well hobbled into the wet room to ready the things for the ablutioning.

Back into the kitchen to make a brew of Glengettie. Took another snap of the moon I spotted. I sometimes notice these things!

Ten minutes or so later, I spotted that I had not turned on the kettle at the power socket. Various words of self-derision were spouted.

Waiting for the kettle again, I took this snap of the City Hospital in the morning mist. I made the brew and took it with me into the wet room to save time. As the Carer is due shortly. So I still had to rush the session a  bit. But it didn’t help; in fact, it took me longer than it usually does. The task of stopping the bleeding from one particular shaving cut took yonks. Then, I needed the Porcelain Throne.

Harold’s Haemorrhoids had been bleeding so much I cracked the dried blood as I took off the Protection Pants! But they did a great job of holding things in. Good job. I hadn’t put the Morrison ones on; I think they would not have coped with this flood. Of course, another half-hour lost sorting, medicating and cleaning up! Hey-Ho

Waiting for the somewhat late Carer to arrive, I went on CorelDraw to make some graphics up. Gawd, I spent hours on it. Everything took even longer than usual, and I made a couple of cock-ups by shaking in my right hand. And they were sorted out with pure luck. I’d frozen CorelDraw altogether! Not the foggiest idea how I did so; just blessedly relieved that I managed to.

A landline call came in. I thought it might be Sister Jane. But no! It was Meridian Care’s top office. The Carer would be late coming. Nay bothers, I pressed on with the graphicationalisationing and Accifauxpas making. But did manage to do a couple of graphics done in advance. Before two, I say two carers arrived. Never been done so quickly. Treated the gals, and off they shot off, taking my waste bags to the chute with them. I thank you!

Already late in the day now, I pressed on with another graphic. I don’t want to show them directly, or it just might spoil the enjoyment of my multitudinous host of followers. Sometimes they both visit my site on the same day.

WHOOPSIEDANGLEPLOP – ACCIFAUXPAS!

As I proceeded in a Westerly direction, to my dismay…
Towards the front room with the food on the tray…
Do I really need to say?
Shaking Shaun arrived, and my grip on the tray gave way…
I dropped the lot, ruining hopes for this horrible Saturday!
I don’t think I reacted ballistically…
But, my self-annoyance rose dramatically!
Fetched the cleaning stuff from the wet room quickly…
Where I saw my undrunk cold mug of Glengettie!
I got the cleaning up done, very carefully,
The job was painful, annoying, and most stressfully…
I didn’t get Humpty, only with myself, quite rightly…
But things changed to almost getting tearfully…

I stubbed my toe getting back up off of the floor!
Hit my elbow in doing so; now that was also sore!
The Dark Depression took over, to my discomfiture!
I was testing my own mental infrastructure…
Am I mad, I thought… everything I do, withers, for sure!
Silly thoughts reigned… about my constant failure…
The rest of the day, the depression was wearing and dour!
Huh! I suddenly realised I’d not taken a shower!

Moments ago, went in to make another brew, indeed…
So, now I’ve got to sort myself out with another feed…
My energy, concentration limits I exceed…
First, there is another job to do, a regular need…
Even if my logicality and thought power do recede…
Got to finish and post this Ode, I must heed,
I hope that shortly, sanity will intercede?
Whoops, it’s time that I wee’d!

The Nottingham Lads True Tales of Woe

Inchcock Today: Life In Ode

Mind Control… or lack of…

What my mind is conjuring, and weirdly producing,
Has a new idiosyncratic strain that needs introducing…
A previously unknown worrying sense of doom-accepting?
You know, a sort of go with the flow, with no coercing,
This new deliberation of mental compliance is almost piercing!
It’s still a new thing, so I’m not going to start whingeing…
No moaning, cursing, complaining or penancing…
But, the control of my thoughts is indeed decreasing!

Kentucky Dream…

A dream only last night, I was in a house, tippytoeing…
Floating, searching, smiling, and happily singing!
It was where my cyber-friends Lisa & Billum were living…
Although they couldn’t hear me, to them, I started chatting…
I was aware this could just not be happening…
I cooked them a chilli stew and started the garnishing…
Left them a note with the meal, and started going…
Outside I was suddenly solid again and segueing…
Along a pathway… the dream started subsiding,
I found myself in my wet room… wee-weeing!

The justice system, I can’t help renouncing…
Criminals, murders freed early, to rob and kill again!
No thoughts of family members or victims; disgusting!
No realisation that they have given anguish and pain…
Pathetic parole board, free killers again, mind shuddering!
Is it the judges, parole board or murderers that are insane?

True Love Lost…

In 1964, I visited Grizelda, hoping she was in the mood for servicing,
She was very good to me, in fact, she was astounding!
For hours we were in heaven, sweating, exhilarating!
For the next session, I was already praying and waiting…
Then shattering news! Grizelda was departing…
But she gave me one last amazing trouncing…
Thus, the end of our fantastic romancing…
Gawd, how I loved our coupling and connecting!
She went home to München… bloody sickening!
One day I might find an affaire du Coeur again?

Confusions…

I ordered two-blade razors for shaving,
I used Morrisons. What should I have been expecting?
I got 5-blade razors for my shaving…
So, did my teeth, de-nasaling and washing…
Started shaving, I found it challenging…

The results were a smidge discouraging,
I’d already got bleeding molars from teeth-brushing,
The razor? I cut my finger on the plastic sheathing,
A tiny cut near the ear hole. Didn’t half sting…
Applying the aftershave to stop the bleeding,
Shuddering Shoulder Shirley started twitching…
Blood in the chest, floor and clothing…
As the Brute, I kept on sploshing…
I dropped the bottle on my foot; I was seething!
Farting about, I was very self-scathing…
But heroically carried on with my bathing!
Then walked into the doorframe, leaving…

 – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Advice Received this Week

The Ophthalmologist: Take this leaflet and read it. The print was too small to read it!

The Ophthalmologist: Remember to phone the Doctor in two weeks to ensure that the Cataract operations application papers have gone through and the process started. No mention of what to do if they hadn’t – And does she really expect me to remember to do this?

Carer: (On me losing the TV remote control, I’ve never found it) You should put it in the same place every time! Well, I actually do try to, so good advice. It’s not clear cut, but falling asleep with the regular nocturnal somnambulant activity almost every night. I often find I wake and turn on the TV, get the crossword book, or, judging by the crumbs found in the folds of my stomach fat, indulge in nocturnal nibbling. But only discover this in the morning after waking. At first, I blamed the mysteries of Winwood Heights, the ghosts, wraiths, spectres, cacodemons, apparitions, and other grotesqueries haunting the hallways and lobbies searching for Inchcock. To create ambiguities, abstrucities, perplexities, misfortunes and botherations, scare, worry and confuse me! Sometimes, the furniture has been moved too. Shame! So, as sound as the advice was, it wasn’t practical for Vascular Dementia Doreen or me.

Carers – Warden Dean & the Nottingham City Council Commercial Debt and Revenue Recovery lady, and Bank Clerk: (Re the hundreds of pounds 3 months unpaid carer Bills to Meridian). “Don’t worry!”?

Dentist: (On being asked for the umpteenth time to take all my remaining teeth out) “I might be able to save the top front one…” After three have fallen out, the two previous ones she could save having been filled twice, then pulled. My confidence is low!

LookAfterYourEyes.org: The operation usually takes from 15 to 45 minutes. It is carried out under local anaesthetic, so you will be awake but not have any sensation in the area around your eye. Throughout surgery, you will hear the ophthalmologist explaining what they are doing, and you may see some vague movements around your eye. The ophthalmologist will make a tiny cut in your eye to remove the cataract and insert a plastic replacement lens. You will not usually need stitches, but your eyes will be covered to protect it from knocks after the operation.

You will be allowed to go home the same day, but you should have someone to go with you and look after you for 24 hours after surgery. Who?

If this means a Meridian carer, it would cost me a minimum of £440 for the 24 hours! Arghhh!

Just how does one go about declaring bankruptcy? Is it easy?

Part of the Inchies Make Them Laugh In Odes Series

Inchcock Today: Escape To Sherwood!

My EQ had already warned me, today would be different, special,
But I’ll have to be prepared for aggravation, be on my metal!
But explained things won’t be wrong, not an early burial…
But plans, like life, can be so decoctible…
Plans, well mine, are easily cock-uppable!
However, EQ’s warnings were mostly corrigible.

I thought that my will-power and contentment was indestructible,
Which, to say the least, was a rarity and unexplainable!
I got the blog created and sent off… although it was minimal,
The Carer was a smidge depressed, not very cheerful,
Gave him a can of Gin in thanks, told him to be safe, be careful,
Departing, the Carer definitely seemed a bit more gleeful,
Which made me feel better; did you know he was bilingual?

I only did a small blog, the eyes are getting worse, seeing less,
Still can’t get the photos on the computer – I’m at my pottiest!
Sorting out the paperwork needed for ophthalmologist,
The Bank Manager, whose visit I’d have gladly missed…
And added herb-slices to my little shopping list,
Readied things for the escape, shopping, bank and optometrist…

Here we go…

I got to the door, seeing I’d enacted my habit of being a noctambulist,
Boxes had been moved, stuff out on the trolley, can a hypnotist,…
Be consulted, for I do not recall getting from bed; was I pissed?
I think not; I stopped drinking years ago… mind you, it’s still missed!
Some bits of paper on the carpet as well, to be honest…
I don’t think my mind is at its mentally healthiest…
Hit my head picking stuff up… but this was not to be the painfullest,
Half an hour later, I felt at my poorliest…

I hobble out along to Winchester Street, limping down the hill,
A car parked on the pavement again, cruel and evil…
Not sliding in the wet leaves was taking all my skill…
I was soon swearing like the devil!
I tripped on the crack underneath the leaves, twisted my knee…
Bagged my leg falling on the soggy gravel,
It hurt, but so did me wanting to have a pee!
But more important was my desire to see Jillie!

My tumble meant nothing now; I hobbled like the devil,
My mission is to see Jillie, whatever the peril…
My fears and pain had disappeared – they were nihil!
We met, and in her arms I did cradle…
Nothing mattered then, even my wanting a piddle!.

The time shot by while I was Jillie, my lover… in my mind
She’s regal, beautiful, and so very kind…
I found her 60 years too late; it drives me out of my mind!
But she had partly adopted me, that was so very kind,
She is a gift, a pleasure, a desire, of all mankind ♥

Jillie walked with me to the opticians, beautifully coiffured,
She is even aware before I say so when something I’ve misheard!
A treasure-find for me, patient and so good-natured!
My confidence was boosted, hopes temporarily recaptured…
Into see the ophthalmologist room, to have the eyes inspected!
Prodding and eyes, the drops all done; 20 minutes, I waited…

The Oculist came out with the problem after I was examined,
The result was not unexpected… I’m overly cataracted!
She set the ball rolling for me to have two lenses fitted…
Paperwork to the Doctors’ was remitted…
She explained further to me of the operation…

Risky at my age, but without it, I’ll be blind within a year
As was expected and natural to me, worry, but no fear.

Gave me some leaflets to read. There is no point in prescribing the new glasses until after the operation. Because having two plastic lenses replacing the genuine lenses would alter the sight a lot, they will sort the spectacles out with another examination after the procedure.

Also, she can look into the Glaucoma and Saccades issues after my getting and trying the new spectacles. Which can’t be done until so many weeks after the operation has been completed. Ah, well! Only what I expected, really.

I had the pleasure of thanking them, and going with Jillie to the bank. Which took a lot of her time, but she was very patient. We went into a room with an advisor. I could not hear what he was saying, and the rapidly declining eyesight meant I could no longer see well enough to try lip-reading. But, Jillie did all the talking for me. ♥ She asked about the Carers Direct Debit situation, and the chap told her, as she explained afterwards, I had no idea what was going on, Hehe! that the transactions were set up, but nothing had gone out yet? Crumplemost Confusing!

After a long time, we left the bank, and Jillie had to help me with the cash machine to get some money out. Bless Her! I don’t know what I’m going to do when the gal is unavailable!

Got some bits from the local continental store, not a lot; I’ve got a food delivery coming in the morning.

We walked back to Jillie’s house, and I got a hug (Boy, that felt good!) as we parted. Despite the morning’s happenings, I felt up to walking up the hill back to the flats!

I got in and made a meal. Gobbled it up, and sat down; and fell right asleep! For about four hours! Got up, and I started to mop the kitchen floor as Carer Richard arrived. We had a little natter, but he was in a rush. So I gave him one of his favourites, a pink gin and tonic, thanked him as he departed. Then got on with the moping again.

I sat down with a mug of Glengettie tea to watch Heartbeat on the box… But only managed about ten minutes, and I drifted off again.

WHOOPSIEDANGLEPLOP!

After an hour, I sprang awake in absolute agony! The hobble (I imagine) had set off Colin Cramps, and boy was he giving me some pain! Worse, he went on all night until about 04:30 in the morning!

MedPhorpainI used up an entire tube of Phorpain overnight! But it did me no good. Even taking two co-codamol didn’t ease things at all! All in the left foot and leg. Knob-Gobs! I’ve never had cramps so bad in my life before?

The Nottingham Lads True Tales of Woe In Rhyme