Ageing and Waking up – Advice on what to expect!

Created by a 70-year-old Nottingham Pensioner, in support and advice for those amongst us who are approaching maturity and senescence, but without having first prepared for the coming nasty onslaught of their failing faculties, loneliness and the consequences of physical and mental disintegration that are imminently coming.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Waking up in the Morning

First thoughts, can you remember your nightmares you’ve just had,

Have you passed water or anything else that might be bad?

Did you take last nights medications?

Or have any more confusing aberrations?

Is life real, or just a fad?

*****

You’ll test out your moving parts and ailments early on, slowly of course,

The Arthritis, water filled legs, ankles, hands one by one, 

Is the Angina, reflux valve or ulcer giving you any bother at all? 

 Avoid when getting up, from having a dizzy or another fall.

*****

Moving quickly, must not be overdone!

What medical appointment have you today?

Will anyone call to see you? No, you reply in dismay,

Ah, you’ve to go to the clinic for your X-ray?

Or perhaps this in for next Monday?

Will you snuff it today, you cannot say!

*****

Then the serious stuff comes into your mind,

Which tea-bags to use, Yorkshire, Punjana or Co-op ninety-nine?

You begin to move, there’ll be a jolting pain down your spine,

You’ll have a little chunter, a curse and a whine!

*****

Bravely you grab the broken arm of the chair,

To ease yourself up, but you don’t get there,

Slumping back into your 1959 brown imitation leather armchair,

With steely determination you try again, ignoring the pain,

You must succeed, for you need to use the porcelain yet again!

The odds will be against you getting there are a crime,

You’ll stub your toe en route, this you’ll do more than one time,

Your piles will bleed, miss the bowl and think you’re going insane!

A cuppa will help, you put the kettle on while searching for your sock,

You’ll feel the wet warm dribble from your bleeding Inchcock.

*****

Then you’ll get another bit of a shock,

You’ve run out of your Dandelion and Burdock,

Looking at your kitchen clock, it shows it’s approaching only one o’clock!

At this stage, you’ll question your sanity and mental health,

Realising of stupidity, you have great wealth,

And you don’t really like your older self!

The end

Written in a moment of insanity inspired boredom and realisation

that the time is coming to reconsider the subjectivity of your

own self-detrimental thoughts are escaping into the ether.

Or something like that!