Vital Advice for Nottinghamian Senior Citizens, Part one – In Rhyme, of sorts

BNC01

They’re dangerous, uncouth and some are blind,

The ignorant swine are uncaring, and what’s more,

They often hit you, coming silently from behind,

Leaving your hand arm or elbow, feeling sore,

They test your sanity, patience and mind,

They’ve no warning bells or horn, that’s for sure,

Belting along the pavements, they are a bind,

It’s no use if you beg and implore,

For them to leave more room, not be so unkind,

The few who reply, use sneers, curse-words obscure,

To roads and cycle paths they should be confined,

Their insults, two fingers you’ll have to endure,

Best to use your walking stick – hit ’em on the jaw!

BNC02

But that’s no solution, not a good idea, you see,

Cause they are young, fit and violence-loving,

They offer scowls and are threatening to me,

Some ride at me, I have to do some manoeuvering,

Which ain’t easy with the walker to push, you see!

Empathy, sympathy, and understanding they are avoiding,

Making this old fart, run and flee!

 Taking their photograph may get me a beating,

But don’t give up the struggle, become an attritee,

Join me on my hobbles, bring a Glock, that’s the thing!

BNC03

They don’t scare me though… well, not too much.

Alright, the law-breaking and getting-away-with-it ‘Gits’ do!

Inchcock’s Thoughts of the Week – In abysmal imitation rhyme.

Despite, the old hero’s Diarhorrea Trotsky attack, his Accifauxpas, tumbles, toe-stubbings, Haemorrhoid Harold’s Return, his Bleeding Fungal lesion, visits from Dizzy Dennis, Shaking Shaun and Shivering Sandra, his leaving the hot tap running again, and falling asleep in his computer chair (Him, mot the tap!), and his depressed state of mind: He is proud to present this week’s Thoughts in even more pathetic rhyme than last time!

Dec 23 2018

quip

 

 

 

 

Graphicalisations of TFZer ‘Skybound’ Series

TFZer Birthday Girl here, with a TFZer lad as an escort out of the plane!

Australian and Canadian TFZers landing in  the Cove

Airline owning TFZer gal here – She likes her instructors em young!

This TFZer gal insisted on emergency supplies going down with them?

This English TFZer gal has a TFZer escort, and her pet alongside? Hehe!

TFZers are having fun, and a jealous eagle spotted them?

TFZ gal has the idea, a BBQ, 2 fellas and a broken balloon. Very wise!

No messing with these two TFZers, Has NASA been informed do you know? Haha!

This TFZer gal aborted her flight, to look after and massage Mick? Nice one!

Clever, this TFZ gal, Alfresco meal, a barrel of wine and two TFZ gents.

An Australian nugget of TFZ gold this Angel. Pets, admirers all awaiting her descent?

Usually caravanning, camping and hiking this lady – but she’ll try anything, so they tell me? Hehe!

This Canadian gal went on advice twice! Still, TFZer Gerry ain’t complaining, lucky devil!

A real with it lass here. Fodder and wine all ready, and an admirer and tree climber too! Well done!

To TFZers, making sure they don’t get lost with this Navigator gal in charge!

Being a Scottish lass, this gal opted for an aeroplane to use, instead of balloon or parachute! And, two escorts. Very Wise!

Very quietly floating down and enjoying them selves here – just as it should be. Congratulations the pair of you!

Homing in on Texas, with a Canadian instructor, who may never find his home again? I bet he’s not too worried about that!

No doubt who the lucky one is… The fella!

She’s here again, and took her Canadian pets & her other half with her too! Jealous? Me?

She’s so bold and up for a laugh is this TFZer gal, And, took hubby along this time. Hope they have a ball!

Ex School M’am TFZer Lass, leads the way for the instructor and TFZer!

Just moved house this TFZer gal – She’s taken hubby up with her. No doubt to help him get over the hassle of the move?

A cake baking expert TFZer lass here. The TFZ bloke is looking casual and esorting her decline – lucky devil him! Hehehe!

Inchcock Today – Tuesday 6th June 2017: Cor blimey… INR level (Target 3.5) now at 9.1 – Scared to shave now! Hehe!

2Tue001a

Tuesday 6th June 2017

Japanese: 2017年6月6日火曜日

Stirred, still feeling a bit tired around 0425hrs. Again, no memories of any dreams, just a feeling that I had, had some?

Off for a wee-wee.

Took the medications and luckily spotted I had put the evening doses (The midday ones were okay) in the morning doses pots the other day in error.  So I set about changing them.

2Tue02It had apparently been raining most of the night.

Still drizzling a bit. I’ll have to get the big coat on or remember to take the brolly with me when I go to the surgery for the INR blood test. Cause it is a 38-minute walk to get there.

To the Porcelain Throne to tend to an imminent motion. Not so bad this morning… not easy or painless mind, but improving methinks. I hope.

Got the nibble in the bag for the nurses, then got the computer on. Checked the Emails first.

2Tue03One from Iceland telling of some red potato chips they are selling. I found the idea appetising. Never heard of Bergerac Potatoes, I might go on to Bulwell after the doctors and see if I can get some to try?

Carried out the Health Checks next. The weight had shot up a bit, but all else looked okay to me:

Sys 151, Dia 76, Pul 91, T 35.8 & Weight 14.82.

Another wee-wee.

Started to update the diaries then began this one. Did some WordPressing. Off for another wee-wee. (Getting worrying all this wee-weeing? Hehe!)

2Tue05Yet another wee-wee.

I decided that if I am to get some of those Purple Chips later, will get some pod peas podded and into the slow-cooker with some demerara sugar in them, and if I’ll remember. I can turn them on when I leave. Good idea?

Unbelievably, I had another wee-wee! Problems here perhaps? I’d better mention this to the nurse later.

Soon be time to do the ablutions, so a not to be late setting off on the hobble into Carrington for the blood test. A quick bash on Facebooking.

Updated some photo albums, then shot off (Well, hobbled) to the wetroom for the good in-depth ablutionisationing session and a wee-wee.

2Tue06Got the new coat on and collected the bag and set out on the hobble to Carrington and the surgery.

As I passed the Chestnut Trees, the damage caused by the winds overnight and this morning were visible. Made me feel a bit sad.

Onward and down Winchester Street Hill into Sherwood and left up and over the long incline 2Tue07and down into Carrington. The rain didn’t stop at all, but it was far less severe than earlier, but the winds continued to be high and vigorous.

Logged in at surgery and sat having a go at the crossword book. Actually did rather well progress wise for a change. The nurse called me in. We had a chinwag while she took the blood, gave her her nibbles and was off. The nurse had a bit of a job stopping the bleeding afterwards.

Gave the reception team their bag of fodder to gnaw on as I left the building, out into the now heavier rain and winds.

I thought to myself, it would be advantageous to me if I went to the Arnold Iceland store instead of the one at Bulwell, then I could catch an L9 bus back all the way to the flats. Walked to the bus stop and caught a bus into Arnold. Got the crossword book out again. Looked up and realised I’d gotten onto the wrong bus. Humph! I had to drop off well away from where I intended to, and walk for about a mile up and down the hills, in the 2Tue08rain and wind back to Arnold.

Oh, I was annoyed with me! Tut!

The torrential rains now were stopping me using the camera with nowhere to shelter, until I got to the open market.

Purchased some fresh pod garden peas from here.

Checked on the time, and if was to catch the L9, haste was needed at the Iceland store in getting the Purple Chips. It took me a while to find the chip freezer, and I bought some mini pork & Pickle pies and a pack of two beef patties en route to finding the chips, of which I bought two packets.

To the checkout and paid using the Visa by swiping, as it was only a total spend of £5 exactly.

Hobbled as speedily as the now aching feet would allow me, and got to the bus stop with three minutes to spare!

2Tue09As the bus arrived in Sherwood, two fellow tenants got on the bus.

Ethel and Roy, it was like a family meeting with much joviality and banter ricocheting between the three of us.

Quite cheered me up, that session did.

Back at the flats, all three of us struggled with the gusting winds from the bus to the foyer. Roy told me that the winds on his 14th floor were howling through to noisily this morning.

Got into the apartment, took a wee-wee, midday medications and got the oven warming up for the chips.

2Tue09aThe computer on and updated this diary. An hour or so later put the chips into the oven and set the alarm for 15 minutes.

Had a wee-wee. A quick blast on Facebook, then got the meal served up.

Had to cook the chips for awhile longer, still soft.

2Tue11Got the meal served up!

The purple chips looked really odd and out of place.

They did not have much taste to them. Sorry that I got two packs now. Tsk!

Had a rinse and a wee-wee and noticed one hell of a bruise on the top of the leg?

Fell asleep, woke up feeling frigid. Tried to make use of the Porcelain Throne, but only succeeded in getting things blocked again, and had a battle that needed patience and gave up after a long time trying.

Got the Gogglebox on and fell asleep again. Woke up needing a wee-wee, and the phone chirped-up. Out of the £300 second-hand recliner and answered it. T’was from the Thrombosis & Anticoagulation test centre, telling me my INR level was… wait for it bearing in mind the target is 3.5… now, 9.1! Argh! She said not to take any Warfarin tonight – which just goes to display my luck, I’d taken the Warfarin already! Warned me to take care shaving, of banging, cutting or scraping myself and if I did, I must contact the three 9’s for assistance.

Also, I must go to the doctor’s surgery and have another INR blood test on Thursday. I explained that I didn’t think they could fit me in at such short notice, and she said they will have to!

I got the computer back on and sent an Email to the surgery.

2Tue12

Time to take the greatest of efforts not to stub my toe for a few days and be weary and steady when shaving. Humph! No wonder I feel so cold now, with the blood being so thin. Thinking of whether I should go out for tomorrow’s Tenant’s meal or not?

Tried again to make use of the Porcelain Throne. No movement at all, even after a long effort during which I found there are 489 tiles in the wetroom. Haha!

Updating this diary and the surgery rang me in response to the Email and the Anticoagulation new dosage. It is the same doses as last week? I explained about the call from the hospital and being told to book in for a blood test for Thursday – she said no, it has got to be for tomorrow! She stated that they could get me in for 1130hrs – I told her about the Tenant’s Meal in Arnold at midday, and she made an appointment for Thursday at 1000hrs?

When I put the details on the calendar, I realised I had not left myself much time to get to and from the hospital tests for the Deep Vein Thrombosis? Oh, heck!

Still, thinking about this, it goes a way to explain the increase in Dizzy Derek visits… I think? The wee-weeing so often; thought the thin blood might have something to do with this, but maybe not.

Feeling very confused and concerned with the lack of movement from the innards, and feeling cold, I’ve actually put on my dressing gown now, the rain has stopped and the evening sunshine came out.

Going to try and get my head down early, even for me, but after all the kerfuffle, I didn’t feel tired anymore? Up for a wee-wee, washed up and got the Gogglebox on again.

The winds still howling away outside, the rain a falling and me having to take extra care to avoid physical Accifauxpas and Whoopsiedangleplops… Is it asking a lot of me innit?

The dozing soon started, drifted off and w2Tue12ahen I woke ten minutes later I recalled a War & Peace length dream and wrote some bits down on the pad. In the morning when I got around to updating this diary, the memories written down once again were unreadable. Bits I could recall were few, involved an Austin A30 van and my head without a torso climbing out of a pram? Did this graphic for a bit of fun.

Dozed repeatedly through the programmes I wanted to watch, went for a wee-wee and turned off the telly and sat there thinking will I be able to get to sleep properly with so many nod-offs…. Zzzz!

Inchcock Today – Sunday 4th June 2017

Another terrorist killing incident, in London

7Sun001

My heart breaks with the hatred. I was in two minds whether to bother with this insignificant diary. After a long time pondering, I shall do so, with apologies to the victims and their families and friends, and a prayer for an end to the atrocities.

RIP

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Sunday 4th June 2017

Deutsche: Sonntag, 4. Juni 2017

Woke at 0320hrs: Must have slept well up till then, the tray with the dirty pots from last night’s meal was still on the chair next to the £300 second-hand recliner. Nice not to have to keep responding to the Trotsky’s for a change, hope I can pass something other than blood today, now the Trots have been speedily replaced with Constipation Konrad!

Got the things for the second laundry room visit of the w7Sun01aeek, and set off down and got the washer loaded and going.

Nice looking morning outside the foyer doors.

According to the forecast, this is likely to be the last decent day for a while – wind and rain are a-coming our way they say!

Back up to the flat and got the third load of clobber ready.

Did the health checks: Sys 159, Dia 76, Pulse 78, Temp’ 34.9 & Weight down to 14.8 – Looking all good. Felt I might be able to get some action from the innards, particularly since some wind was escaping, so I visited the Porcelain Throne – No luck.

Down with the other gear to the laundry room. Moved the first load from the washer to dryer, set it going and loaded the washing machine on short-mode.

Up to the flatlet and got the things ready for cleaning the windows in the living room later on.

To the Porcelain Throne again, all wind and no matter again – Hehehe!

Back down the lift and the washer had finished, and I had cunningly put the stuff that would dry quickly in with the second wash – then transferred it to the dryer already in use, that had half an hour or so left to run. Cunning stuff, I thought! Back up to the apartment and did the washing in the sink.

7Sun02aDown once more, and the dryer had worked a treat, all the stuff was ready before the cycle actually finished.

Washed the machines inside and out, cleaned the filter and folded the gear and into the bag, swept up the floor.

The dressing gown came out alright this time, and no odd socks again.

Up to the twelfth floor and put the things away, then got on with doing the windows, during which I got the message to try again on the Porcelain Throne, from the innards. Not so much hassle this time, only took about ten minutes, compared to yesterday’s half-an-hour, that was not too bad. But Haemorrhoid Harold was flowing with blood again… Not surprised really, that had just squashed by Harold’s cling on’s must have been the widest and longest ever known, perhaps the size of an H-bomb? Hehehe! Felt like it to me. Tended to the cleaning me up and swabbed all contact areas with the antibacterial wipes, and returned outside onto the balcony to carry on with the window cleaning duties.

7Sun02bGot the outside done in a fashion and started on the insides. I used the lemon and vinegar.

They didn’t look too bad on first viewing.

Made a brew and took the medications along with one additional  Senna tablet and one Codeine Phosphate for the pain from the bum. Sorry, hehe!

Got the computer on and as I sat here, and proudly glanced at the newly cleaned windows now the sunshine was coming in through them… Oh dear, the streaks! Tsk!

I went onto the BBC News Site, and read the news of the terrible atrocity in London. Made me feel sick.

Grammarly was not working properly on Firefox at all. Very frustrating.

Spent hours trying to delete the unwanted categories and tags, in the hope things might run better, but I think I’ve made it worse.m Humph!

Got this post started and updated and posted off yesterday’s diary.

Got the meal on the cook. Mini beef pie, making some gravy to go with it, potatoes and waffle balls, fresh pod peas, tomatoes… well that’s the plan anyway.

Emails, WordPressing and onto Facebooking – although the programme was playing up a bit again.

Spent hours doing a TFZer graphic and lost the lot of it when CorelDraw 2017 crashed again, it did this three times. Tsk!

Argh, The fodder!

1Mon04The well-burnt beef pie was rescued, made up the meal and mixed the gravy. Not one of my best efforts gravy-wise tonight, though, Tsk!

Nice, gave it an 8.9/10 rating. Generous that!

So tired now after the early start, and I think a little frustrated with having to stay in all day.

No more calls to the Throne, just that one today, although, I tried a few times voluntarily, but failed to move anything. Hehe!

Did a quick freshen-up to find Little Inchy’s Lesion had reddened and was very tender, but thankfully, not bleeding.2Tue001a

Took the belated evening medications, and took one Senna afterwards.

Settled to watch the TV. A messy session, nodding off so often, changing channels, drifting off again… I don’t know why I didn’t just turn everything off at the first nod-off. Sailed off again for a few hours this time, and woke in urgent need of a wee-wee. Then went through the stubbing the same toe en route to the WC, and then again on the way back to the £300 second-hand recliner.

1Mon05Little inchy was still very tender, so I cleansed thing up and put some of the Cetreben Cream over the lesion and took an extra Codeine Phosphate with a cup of milk, which I then dropped on the floor.

I must move that mop and bucket in the wetroom. The plastic on that foot press on it seems excessively hard to me! Haha!

TTFN folks.

Inchcock Today – Friday 2nd June 2017

 

5Fri12i

Friday 2nd June 2017

Kurdish Kurmanji: 2nd Roja Înê June 2017

0400hrs: Disentangled me from the £300 second-hand recliner and off for a wee-wee – It seems that the Trotsky’s are easing off… at the moment?

5Fri030415hrs: Got the readied dirty-laundry bag and down to the laundry room and got it washing away.

Took this photographicalisation outside the foyer, a close up of some of the new double yellow road lines. Apparently where they have put the cones was where cars were parked yesterday, to keep the road car free for lining to take place today?

Backup and took the medications and did the Health Checks.Results

Results were: Sys 156, Dia 73, 5Fri02aPulse 79, Temp’ 33.8, Weight 14.81: All good, methinks.

Took the medications and scribbled some notes to use when I get around to doing this diary on WordPress.

Took me a really long time to find the pain gel tube. Looked in its regular drawer and all of the others, the cupboards, the living room, the wetroom and in the spare room, without any luck.

5Fri02Found it in front of where I was when I started to look for it in with the bottles of sauce and seasonings on top of the counter? Tsk!

Took this photograph from the kitchen window, showing the new yellow lines.

0449hrs: Down to move the clobber into the dryer.

Back up to the apartment and got the computer on to start updating Thursday’s Chronical.

TFZ01burgerGoing through the Emails afterwards I came across:

Meet the Mother of all Father’s Day treats – an insane burger costing a jaw-dropping £39.95. The Almighty, on sale at Red’s True Barbeque in Nottingham, is the ultimate meat lover’s dream. Every key ingredient is aged to perfection, working on the idea that things get better with age. Only 25 are available at the restaurant in Queen Street for Dads celebrating their special day on June 18.
http://www.nottinghampost.com/8203-this-nottingham-restaurant-has-the-ultimate-father-s-day-burger-8211-for-39-95/story-30365958-detail/story.htmlBurger

5Fri040530hrs: Down to collect the laundry. No odd socks were found today. Cleaned the drum and filter out.

Clouted my elbow on the corner of the sink unit and muttered something like; “Well, fancy that!”

Back up to the mini home and got the clothes put away, and finally got a demand for the use of the Porcelain Throne.

Much better this time – are the Trotsky’s easing off, or are they teasing me? Hahaha!

P1170808Updated and finished Thursday’s diary and got it posted off.

Onto Facebooking then, fingers crossed it would not play-up freezing and the like.

It was okay, apart from when I went to see the Notifications answered then returned. Had to search for where I was before… if you know what I mean?

Got the ablutions tended to.

Letter from E3 arrived, redirected from the old address, telling me I owed them some money and it must be paid now. I went to see one of the wardens on the way out, to call them for me so I could settle it and cancel the agreement with them, convinced this sidetrack would make me miss the bus, but it had to be done. Obegruppenfurheress Julie was in the cabin and kindly called them for me. Odds are I’ll get another bill next month?

As I came out to walk into Sherwood, I spotted the L9 bus coming, for once I was glad it was so late.

Dropped off in town, after another session on the crossword book.

Had a walk around taking the City Centre taking photographs. Made a Special Post of these and much more, later.

5Fri10

5Fri09

5Fri12eCalled in Primark Again, but nothing suitable. Hobbled in the rain to M&S, even less suitable attire. Walked to the tobacconist’s and got some snuff for Bill (William on Sundays) at the flats, then went to Clinton Street and the Sports shop. Where surprisingly I found some tops suitable and cheap too. Bought two of them. After getting a very annoyed yer disinterested good looking young man assistant to get them down for me with the extended prongs from the fifth row up on the wall.

Joined the queue to pay for them and left the shop, out into the drizzle on Clinton Street.

5Fri12dWhere I observed that many of the Nottingham shoplifter… no, sorry, I meant shoppers, had been caught out in the rain.

Had to go find a bus stop that displayed the time on it, as I had forgotten to take the mobile with me. I know, it must be hard for you believe I could do such a thing… Haha!

It was five minutes before the L9 bus was due, so I hobbled over the crossing and to the bus stop in plenty of time.

Had a visit from Dennis Dizzy while waiting.

I was soon on the bus trying once more to complete at least one of the crosswords without cheating… I failed again!

Back at the flats, I was very pleased with how the Trotsky’s had behaved. Perhaps things are getting better now? (If only I’d known what was coming in the morning – Eurgh!)

Put the two jumpers in the metal and canvas shelves in the spare room. Took the two bags to the rubbish chute, got the kettle on, warmed the oven for the meal later and got the computer on… Windows 10 update started… warning me of drive issues and problems that it chose to sort out of its own volition. Kept starting closing. About 40 minutes later it seemed to have stopped updating and turned off. I started if again, and the installations started.

With a hopeful heart, I opened Firefox after having to inform Windows several times that I did not want their browser as default.

Then I updated this diary, then started a new post using the photographs taken today, calling it ‘Gerry’s Photographic poddle around the Wet Nottingham’ Of course I may change the name.

Back in a bit after I’ve done it, folks… All done.

5Fri12pThe meal was tomatoes, crispy potato balls, even crispier extra strong cheddar cheese done in the oven, fresh pod peas, an egg and two battered fish cakes with bread thins and followed by a lemon mousse.

It was truly delicious!

Then the viewing of the TV programmes farce began. I spent more time nodded off that watching anything on the gogglebox!

No calls to the throne whatever?

Inchcock Today: Wednesday 22nd March 2017 – Oddest dream ever… I think?

3Wed05

Wednesday 22nd March 2017

Ukrainian:  Середа 22 березня 2017

0325hrs: Up, out of the £300 second-hand recliner and onto the porcelain thrown by 0332hrs, it was urgent! Hehe! Once again things were doing alright bleeding-wise in the front and rear of this ever growing more-flobby-body. Although Little Inchy was red, inflamed and sore, there was no bleeding at all again.

Carried out the health checks, the weight was up again, though.

3Wed05

Everything else looked okay mind.

Made a brew, looked for the blue mug a while before remembering I’d dropped and broken it yesterday. Humph!

Computer started and WordPressing commenced; Finished off yesterday’s and got it posted. Had a WordPress viewing session. During which I came across this one posted by mate Duncan MadHatters – Toddlers nighttime activities Worth a look cause it’ll make you smile without a doubt.

Unfortunately, when I watched it and saw there was a sound to it, I had to put the headphones on to listen and it was just Benny Hill background music, it only goes for a couple of minutes, but during this time, the poor old Morrison delivery driver rang the intercom to be let into the flats – and I didn’t hear him of course. He had to ring the landline and tell me. Still, he alright about it when he got here and I showed him the video clip, he had to laugh and smile.

I had a wash and clean-up early, in case the palaeontologist arrives early.. hang on… palaeontologist? that’s not right, is it? Can’t remember the new title they have now, but I meant Susan the Chiropodist.

Left the socks off in readiness, but that was not a good idea, I started sneezing regularly.

Put the goods away then started this blog off.

Then onto Facebook, made some graphics to use first.

3Wed07

To the porcelain for a heavy duty session… again? Still no bleeding, good!

The foot lady Susan arrived. I got more pain from her than I did the dentist when I had a filling last week. Hehe! But she is beautiful and charming. We had a gossip and laugh as she applied the agony. She then toyed with the TV DVD buttons and got the thing working again! So glad and grateful I was at the time.

After she departed, I found I still can’t pause, fast forward or backwards, or change the sound on the DVD? 

When she’d gone, I had a search for and collection of the shot-away nail clippings – amazing how far they go. I half expected to find another rock-hard escapee garden pea. Hehe!

Tried watching the Boon DVD, but with being unable to adjust the volume, or stop and go back to listen again to something I was not sure of, I gave up, no pleasure in watching it like that. Shame.

I called Olive, but bad news there. She didn’t want any visitors as she was so unwell. The heart sank. She said she was going into hospital in the morning for investigations into her new ailment. She’d be back after around 1400hrs and I could ring again then to see if she was up to letting me call on her. A prayer was said, something I rarely do, but just felt it might help. My spirits sank.

3Wed06I got the fodder going and ended up with a super successful meal, but could not enjoy it.

The cheesy potatoes came out almost perfect, but I was not in the mood to appreciate this.

A put some antiseptic cream on the burnt finger. Tsk!

After eating and doing the washing up, I updated the Health Checklist and settled to watch some TV – now that will let me use the remote and change options, but not the DVD?

3Wed07When I went to the porcelain room, I was sure I could hear a rumbling noise. No bleeding again, that was nice.When I came out the reason for the noise became apparent, it was thunder.

When I came out the reason for the noise became apparent, it was thunder.

The sky was dark, but no rain whatsoever, and the thunder lasted for a while? I got up and onto the computer and made a representation of the 3Wed08adream.

I think I was arguing over something with the hand coming through the gap in the clouds and up popped, I assumed, Jesus who promptly started telling me why I would not make it into heaven?

Details of the banking farce came into the lecture, my falling into the canal as a nipper and I think he told me off for not taking a good enough picture of his sky?

Tsk!