Inchcock’s Local News Snippets – Part 33⅓rd

Inchcock’s Local News Snippets – Part 33⅓rd

Seems to be a question over which part this is? Haha!

Breaking News – Deadly Caterpillars found in Nottingham!

What with swine fever & poisonous insecticide…
Covid, Putin, bird flu, which is worse? You decide!
Drunk drivers, murderers, and a shortage of cyanide…
We’d better sort out the best choice for suicide…
Jump off a high building, shoot yourself, or use Fungicide?
Easy for me, I’ll take 10 Warfarins and a few Furosemide
The kids would be heartbroken if their dog died…
But would self-immolation really be justified?
Maybe, cause Putin’s war will soon go worldwide!

I’ll try to catch the court case to see the sentence,
Unless the lily-livered judge decides on his innocence,
All he’ll have to do is show the mock judge reticence,
The judge will bring up some 1895 jurisprudence…
See that the lad didn’t mean to kill, using grandiloquence…
The beak congratulates the lawyer on his great defence…
Fines the lad £50 and pays his court cost expense!

I keep seeing in these reports; the word Sherwood…
Me living there midst of the violence and blood…
Means I don’t feel safe, as any innocent would!
I think I should have left, absquatulated…
Mayhaps the miscreants are misunderstood?
Whatever happened to an eye for an eye, blood for blood…
Christs, it’s dangerous living in Sherwood!

An Angel of Mercy came to the rescue,
Gave no name, a white van driver, too!
Would you think he was from Nottingham, do you?
Probably from Wales, Devon or Crewe?

According to the court records, (a chap here works there). This animal has had 91 convictions for 41 offences. He’s awaiting trial for four fraud charges, attempted robbery, carrying a knife in a  public place, and demanding money from several taxi drivers! There are another 44 charges that were ‘dropped’ through lack of evidence (that seems a lot?) and domestic abuse. Five years and five months, with eight months for the eleven fraud charges. I need a mathematician here… how long did the scumbag get for each crime he committed, please?

Confusing?

We’ll trace the suspects earnestly!
No doubt, using their renowned synergy,
And cunningly concealed sagacity…
And scribble a note on the back of the hand!

By pure default.
This man’s a dolt!

Parole Board idiots let him leave clink early,
They should be prosecuted and sued, clearly…
They got it wrong yet again, then surely…
There are not up to the job, pathetically!
As Hughie Green said, ‘I mean this sincerely’…
The Parollers should be sacked and fined, but severely!

Mayhaps in prison, Brown could train…
The Parole Board idiots again…
Tell them they are thick, nonsane!
Freeing scumbags early is transmundane,
They’ll commit crimes again, fly off in a plane…
Laugh at them, call them names profane!

A murderer, drug dealer and a crackbrain…
They have been freed this year, have they no brain?
Everyone who was freed and committed a crime again!
I’ve proved at catching runaways; you are inane…
Parole Boarders have no morals to maintain,
Freeing murderers to kill again is inhumane!

Parole Boarders are as guilty… of this, I am certain…
Off the crimes committed by the freed-early lurdane!
Are the idiots’ drug addicts, or do they use enflurane?
Cause the arseholes free killers again and again?

We (UK) have 246 Parole Board members. It’s agreed,
The highest-paid member gets £166,560 indeed!
The Prime Ministers’ pay, this does exceed!
Justice for the innocents killed by Murderers freed…
The wife, husband or child victims’ families…

Guilty Parole members should be locked up or sauteed,
On bread and water, with the occasional fried centipede,
I wouldn’t say I hate or loath those that intercede…
Indeed one or two must-have accurately refereed?
Too many freed killers kill again! For revenge or greed!

LATE SNIPPET

Got Him!

Fair enough!