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Could I escape the human jungle we call society?
To question, get guidance maybe from the Shakti,
But where can I find this sanguinity? Possibly…
An ecosystem, twixt Tanzania & Kenya, the Serengeti,
See the migration of two million wildebeest & calmly…
See how they survive, live, free of Satanophany,
For humankind, has and is living salaciously,
See politicians, dictators, oligarchy, ruling irrevocably,
Uncooperatively, obstinately & recalcitrantly,
All are famous nowadays for being greedy,
Acquisitive, avaricious, grasping & parsimonious,
The art of deceptive speech or writing, sophistry,
Shared by leaders all over, and in my country,
We could learn from the wildebeest, & the honey-bee?
I’m talking of all of us, including Inchie!
I’m due for a trephination and sigmoidoscopy…
What future we’ve got left will not show serendipity,
The end will come from what might be called stupidity…
Via pitilessness, brutality, sociopathy, cruelty…

Which brings me back to Starmer, sadly,
He got into power, both lying, & cheatingly…
By deceit, dishonesty, and extraordinary duplicity,
His skill lies in his speeches full of scintillae,
2024: OAPs have nothing to fear from me, said Starmer.
The First thing he did when he got into power,
He cut off pensioners’ fuel allowance, now an alienator,
He’s a back-hander taking, cash & gifts abuser,
His reading is bad, for a crooked ex-barrister,
Sausage & Hostage, lies, and
Made Conservative, Nigel Biggar, into Baron Biggar,
Made Conservative Mark Harper, into Baron Harper,
He’s the biggest ever Labour Values neglecter,
He’s a compassion-free policy rejigger,
Oaths, commitments & promises rearranger,
A morals reshuffler, as MPs go, he’s a ringer,
A moral, honesty, & compassion ravager!,
Self-wealth, freebies, he does nurture,
Which is why the UK has no future…
I hope he visits Nottinghamshire,
Although it’s never ever been in my nature,
I’ve been rather a sort of peacemaker…
But he’s turned me into a PM hater,
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I’ve been a smidge busy again today, but I did have visits from , by the end of the day,  totalling a pleasing ratio of attention versus nasty, naughty .
Better than for a long time. It may be a record?
There is a reason for this, I’m certain. A visit from the lovely, chunky, appealing, sociable, friendly nurse who called on me this morning. She listened, she told me her worries, we laughed… I’ll relate this a little later; I’m determined to get the tales in chronological order, for once. I’m missing the uninteresting bits to save time. It’s already close to midnight. 
Of course, how many times have I said this and waffled on? Yes, we’ll see.

It was an odd night; the toothache was a bit of a bother, and the shooting pain was rife. But getting back to sleep was no problem. I think I amassed nearly seven hours in the land of nod. But I needed it after yesterday’s busy, panicky, frustrating, embarrassing and painful day.
It was about 07:15hrs when I burst back into life. This is worth sharing just for the humour it might bring, making us all smile too. Are you ready? I don’t think you’ll believe it, but it is true. Then I’ll start Hehehe!
Within the first minute of coming back to consciousness, (Might be out of synce but they all happened) First thing that hit me was the pain in the fractured knee, which I examined straight away, but no signs of any new bruises, as I was told to check daily if there were any new pains from the knee. 
As I got upright from bending down, Dizzy Dennis had a go at me, and I sat back on the bed, just to be careful, and accidentally clouted myself on my cheek with , and caught the teeth and gums at the same time, gifting 
the opportunity to join in the painful early morning pain-giving attacks! 
As I got up to get some pain killers, I unfortunately and swore a little. Then, I had to respond to the calling to the Porcelain Throne. Samned hard work to get it out!

Carer Ejaz arrived and issued the medications. These included one of the Amoxacillin tablets. He gave me some Peptac and Phorpain gelled Cartilage Chloe and Arthur Itis’s knees.

I made a start on yesterday’s blog at long last. But not for long, and another summoning to the Porcelain Throne arrived and had to be responded to. Even more painful and a lot longer evacuation this time. A bit of bleeding was coming from

I put some of the cream onto Little inchy, but had no desire to rub it in. I had enough pain with the other ailments, and decided not to use the after-barrier cream.

The Asda order arrived, and I got the stuff into used Iceland carrier bags and into the kitchen to sort it out.

I’m not sure why I bought even more jars of Kung Po sauce… yes, I do now, it was on a special Offer. 

These cookies were on Special Price, as well.
I should have remembered that the Minis, although tasty, were harder than the others, and I might struggle to eat them without getting a toothache. Fool!
I put some in a nibble jar, and the bacon-flavour crispy thingamajigs in another jar. They should be painlessly edible

Returned with even more gusto, and good cause. Why? A District Nurse arrived. I initially thought it was to change and replace the Catheter contraption. The pain I experienced when they replaced the tube in Little Inchy was bad enough, but with all the other ailments I had, I almost feared it. 
But the careful, kind, up-for-a-natter-and-laugh nurse said that should be done next week. Today, her objective was to replace the dressings on my leaking, lymphatic right leg. That was a relief, Haha!
We chatted after she got me on the bed (No, no! Shame though). I mentioned the trip to the dentist, and she related her last dental experience—she was off work for three weeks in sheer agony. I asked her to take some nibbles for the nurses. By the time she had been gone for about four minutes,
There was nothing to do about it, I’d fallen in love again, which, of course, in my state of health, mental and physical and my age, is inappropriate; it wouldn’t, couldn’t work, but the thought that it just might, is still being retained in my alien occupied brain, as a part of my maintaining a hope, clinging to a fantasy, pretending and ideating. I’m waffling again! Sorry. But when you can’t stop falling in love, and are an unwell old antique, what else is there that one can do? Hahaha!
That hour she was with me was so precious. As indeed is this photo on the left, that Carer Ejaz took for me, of the new double-layer wrap that she put on for me with great care and attention. I think she said the top layer was a type called Farrowrap. The bottom one is a roll-on one.

The end of the car park, with the regular little red car on the no-parking lines, and two other vehicles were demonstrating their parking skills for us to admire.

Ejaz took the gigantic empty box, which had the wheelchair delivered in it, from the balcony for me last week. I would have liked to have sent it to Tim Price, for his cats to utilise. It was massive, though, too big maybe.

As I returned, I stopped by the blog, sorted out the washing I struggled to get done yesterday, and rearranged it to separate the dressing gowns and the kagoules (nightdresses). I managed to break three coat hangers, stubbed my toe again, and put them back in the order I found them. That proved pointless!

 Prepared the Meal.
Made a cock-up, (I needn’t have mentioned that, I make them that often) and burnt the meal, which made the food harder, defeating my plans for having softer food to counter the effects of dear 
another error!
However, hunger was rampant, and I struggled to eat it all slowly and painfully. Wish I hadn’t now.

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TTFNski, Each
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I admit, it can be a bit of a bugger,
However, Depression Darius doesn’t stay forever,
My bestest help comes from Ejaz, my Carer,
No doubt we can cheer up each other,
A preparatory day today, for the coming dentistry.
My first day using the Haematachometer, it’s easy,
I’ve been thinking more of the hereinafter,
High-Mode-Horis, Sod-em-all and laughter,
Then the Neurologist called after…
He explained the upcoming trinphination procedure,
Not until November, but he’ll try to make it earlier,
The cardiac medic explained the heart failure,
Diabetes appointment made, also for November.
Hoping for a nurse, the catherer changer…
Flu and Covid jabs, hope they come sooner,
Orthopaedics, to tend the fractures in my patella,
Couldn’t cope without Ejaz, my Carer!
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,
I believe I made some mistakes between yesterday and writing this blog, and I’m embarrassed, so I apologise if I did.

 Up at 04:15hrs, in need of the Porcelain Throne yet again. Before going out to the dentist with Ejaz, I’d emptied the catheter bag six times, and it was full each time! And visited the Porcelain Throne eight times! I fear greater embarrassment at the dentist on the bus going or returning. I have a terrible feeling about this. 🤞🏻

Then I completed the ablutions, which took me two hours to complete. However, I managed to change the catheter bag onto my left leg and even put on my slippers afterwards. I had a cutless shave. The teeth and gums bled a little. The medicationing went reasonably well. Little Inchys’ Fungal Lesion bled a fair bit when I moved the catheter contraption to my other leg. Ointmentated and barrier creamed certain areas of my magnificent body. (Fib sneaked in there!)
The Porcelain Throne was utilised twice more during the ablutioning.
Changed the clock.
I turned on the computer just to check the time and date.
The food arrived from Acado. Refilled the bottom cyoboard again. Message to self: I must stop ordering too much.
Fresh foods in this photo’s contents are destined for the fridge. Polish sausages, Zwieska, Cheesy Rolls, Roast pork and rostis. I have plenty of drinks for anyone who calls to help me in any way. The iced coffees are particularly popular.
I’m still passing urine too easily. But, since I moved the catheter to the left leg, it has been on the right leg for about 2 months, and this colour was the best ever recorded. While being hospitalised for 3, then four days, I kept missing the nurses changing it. Then the three weeks with the fractured knee meant I couldn’t, daren’t move it back then, cause of the pain of it. But it is far less hurtful today, so I moved it. I have complete confidence that the dentist will alleviate the pain later today. Hahaha!

The contracted lady who comes to do the INR, Warfarin, and Blood Oxygen samples arrived. When the intercom went blank as she was talking, I knew she wouldn’t be happy; she never is. She said when she got up, “If she can’t gain access straight away next time, I will just leave and go to the next call!” I sarcastically said, “I’m very sorry, it could be I was in a seizure, or being visited by Dizzy Dennis, or Peripheral Neuropathy Pete was playing up… But it wasn’t, it was the intercom playing up as it has done so very often this year. I do so apologise for upsetting you, Madam!” At least I didn’t get a snotty reply this time. She didn’t reply to my comment; however, she momentarily flashed a look of incredulity my way and left. Muttering, I know not what, with a sneery expression.

Prepping To Go To The Dentist, so as not to keep Ejaz waiting. I even managed to put on the trousers and outdoor slippers without any help . Then I got the four-wheel trolley walker out of the balcony to use, and put on my heavy coat . Haha! Then I went down to the front lobby to wait for Ejaz. Good timing, too; he arrived about 30 seconds after I went outside to look for him.

He was unperturbed by my telling him I’d been up since 4:00 am, and I’d completed the ablutions and medications. And got the PPs and trousers on by myself, and also the slippers! And got the walker out of the balcony myself. I was just digging for a compliment or two, but I didn’t get any. Hehe!
We walked to the bus stop to find eight or nine other folks waiting for it. For some reason, they all let me get on the bus first, despite my being a late arrival at the stop. 

We got off at the Mansfield Rd bus stop on the hill. We nattered and had a laugh as we crossed the road and walked up to the dental surgery. I was danged-glad that Ejaz was with me. Getting up those four deep steps is not easy without the trolley, but Ejaz assisted me.
We got in, and I left the communicating up to Ejaz. I sat on the trolley in the waiting room; it’s a little higher than the chairs in there and far less painful on the knee fractures. Ejaz joined and put the brakes on the trolley. Ten minutes later, we were summoned into one of the surgeries. Several questions arose regarding timing, pain levels, and whether it impacted my sleep. I told her I could not be sure, because I have seizures. Then, she checked which teeth were giving me trouble. I knew of two and pointed them out to her. She took various X-rays, and we were waiting for the results to come in. She thought that more than two teeth needed attention, and asked again about the level of pain. I explained that if I drink anything hot or icy, the pain level is around 8 out of 10. I’m trying to eat soft food because when I eat on the right side, it can be painful… and, well, it can be unbearable.
She decided that she needs more rays to be taken, which are more suitable for finding my problems. She will schedule another appointment to take detailed intraoral (film inside the mouth) and extraoral (film outside the mouth) images for a comprehensive view of the teeth, roots, and surrounding bone, as well as larger areas such as the jaw, skull, and growth patterns. Showing all teeth, jaws, and sinuses at once. How did Ejaz remember all that – brilliant the lad is! I found out later he’d recorded what she said on his mobile.
The Dentist, Sumayyah Hussainytterny, gave Ejam a prescription to obtain from the chemist just up the road for a day course of Amoxicillin (a Penicillin). We departed the surgery and returned to the dentist’s SS branch at the reception. I paid the £28, and Ejaz & I gingerly made our way down the four steps, got down them, and walked up to the Ascent Chemist to get the prescription filled. The lady returned to Ejaz, pointing out that the only writing on the prescription was how to take the medication, not what it was! Ejaz got me seated in the walker and returned to the dentist’s to sort out their faux pas. Time was running out now. He returned and got the 500mg Amoxicillin tablets.
We were lucky when we arrived at the bus stop, one was due in two minutes.

We were soon back up at the prison, no, no, Woodthorpe Court flats. Having been at the dentist’s office far longer than we’d hoped we would. Ejaz suggested that he get the washing in the laundry machine and put it in the dryer on his next call. I can fetch it if I want to, or he could have done so on his last call. I agreed, but only so he didn’t feel bad. I’ve had washing stolen and had a load of washing thrown out onto the floor because I didn’t fetch it in time, and now someone wants to use the washer or dryer.

I continued with the blog, hoping that the many nurses, the Doctor, and the Neurologist would read it or even call me to make an appointment. Something.

Then I went down to the laundry room. Ejaz had put the washing in the laundry at Winwood Flats. I’ve never used those yet. Ejaz told me he had put my laundry in machine one. It was a long and exhausting walk to get there. The washing was done. I did not know how the dryers worked. I could not see the tiny buttons, so I walked into the leisure room and asked a lady if she could show me. Bless her, she went with me to the washing room and soon sorted me out. She put the machine in rinse mode and said she would move the clothes to the dryer for me.

Back up to the cell, no, flat. Finding four text messages on the phone that had failed to get through. No numbers given, just a time when they rang, which was when I was down in the laundry room. It would likely have been the nurses changing the catheter contraption, the Neurologist, or perhaps the injection nurses.

I went back down, nearly losing my balance with the stick en route. The lady must have put the laundry in the dryer for me. It had 35 minutes to run. Back up to the flat again. Getting late now.

I continued working on this blog and then headed back down to the laundry room. Took me ages to get the clothes sorted and folded. They were a smidge damp, well, the thick coat was. I cleaned the filter and reinstalled it. Taking this photo of a car on the chevrons at the front of the flats on the way back. I met the lady who helped me on the way back, and offered her my appreciation and thanks.
Back up to the flat again.
I had a packet of the Marmite Puffs, and they were very lovely, but at over £2 for a tiny 18 g packet, they should be. Tsk!
I added the heavy coat from the dryer to the rest of the clothing in the bag, taking care to keep everything as straight as possible. Going back along the link corridor, I stopped twice because my frequently fractured knee was pretty painful.

Back in the flat, I emptied the catheter bag. Ejaz said it was a number 3 on the NHS scale. Great! But each emptied after that; it got darker and darker. Shame!

When Ejaz did his late call, he took a snap of my right leg. Not a pretty sight at all. Then again, that’s not unusual!

The non-appearance of the medics at least gave me a chance to do a longer blog, but I am worn out and ready for bed after today.

I decided to make two cheesy-topped bread pork rolls with tomatoes for my belated nosh.
I very stupidly added raw garden peas to the tray. This resulted in instant pain from the four teeth and gums on the right side of my mouth.
The peas were abandoned after the first spoonful set Tiffany off. Even some tomatoes were too hard to eat. I would think that I ate about half of one of the pork-filled bread rolls. And I was in such agony, I realised in the morning that the only thing I could have eaten without pain, the lemon mousse, had been left on the ottoman, untouched and thrown away. Doing this hurt me! Hehehe!

As Ejaz left after his early morning visit, I realised he had not given me one of the Amoxicillin tablets. I took one and made a note for me to tell Ejaz. Afterwards, I wondered if I’d done the right thing or the wrong thing. I was aware of what the Dentist or Chemist was communicating to Ejaz; maybe they told him to start the course in the morning? 

Guilt enveloped my silly actions. But, in my defence, the toothache pain was getting beyond my limits. And in the night and morning, I felt a bigger nitwit, as the pain did not subside at all. If anything, it was worse; the right jaw was swollen as well. And just to add a little interest.

, was worse than ever, and the sharp tingling up the leg got much worse. Not to mention the left knee fractures, and Cartilage Chloe playing up.
I don’t know why I told you that, after all, it is a sort of usual, habitual situation lately. Hehehe!

On Ejaz’s last visit, I told him I’d taken the Amoxicillin tablet & why. He took a shot of the legs and the colour of the urine in the catheter day pouch, it’s getting darker now. One thing that struck me was the new compression bandage’s colour, so skin-like.

Thanks to Carer Ejaz.

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Late morning, an act of war on my body & mind was enacted,
Anne Gyna, Shaking Shaun, Toothache Tiffany declared!
Earlier things went well, I had not despaired,
The whole tale will be revealed and detailed…
Fair to say, it was later partly attenuated,
When they came, I don’t recall being seizured…
But depleted, tired, physically defeated…
Had to sit down, I felt so drained,
Fell asleep, my slumber, Ejaz awoken,
I remember not of what we had spoken,
Off to sleep, 2 more hours, again I was woken,
Time to get this untouched blog written!
Unfortunately, I was still feeling tattered,
Back to kip, this got me so aggravated…
All I’d done was abluted and medicated,
Hope I didn’t miss a call that I expected,
The neurologist, Covid-flu jabs to be inoculated?
Toothache Tiffany, Anne Gyna defeated…
My high pain-level ability was resisted,
Then ‘High-Mode-Horis’ visited!
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Worra flipping day!
I woke late and felt tired but not particularly down mentally. I decided to get the ablutionings done, which turned out to go like this: Very well. The Precelain Throne first. Constipation Conrad is back in charge again. ‘Fully’ in charge. It took a long time for the evacuation to start.
I got a bowl of water and dettol and stood in it to soak the feet while I did my teggies, cleared my nose, sprayed the eyes, and olive-oiled the ear-holes.
Then dried the feet, washed the bowl, and got on with the shaving. As far as I could tell, there was only one tiny nick under the bottom lip. Did a slow, thorough washing of the body where I could reach, dried off and cut my fingernails. 
Applied the Barrier cream, Foam Spray, and Antiseptics, then got the aftershave and deodorant splashed all over my muscular, young, and trim body.
As I collected my slippers to take for Ejaz to put on for me and left the wet room, Ejaz arrived. The fractured knee I woke up with was hurting a fair bit, but it soon eased. Ejaz checked the body for me. It was just Cetreben creaming needed for the left and right ankles from . There was a bit of fluid leaking, but nothing to fret about. After Ejaz had monitored the highly acceptable BP returns on the Health Checks, I handwashed the brick-red nightgown. After rinsing and disinfecting, I hung it to dry in the wet room.  
At this point, I was doing well, considering, then as I got on the computer… Then the sudden attacks from the three ailments hit me all at once. I’ve never had this before, and it shook me a smidge, so I abandoned the computer, turned it off, and just had to sit down for fear of Dizzy Dennis having me over in the tall chair. I moved into the £300 second-hand shop-bought, c1966, moth-eaten, bedraggled, grotty, cringingly beige-coloured, much-dilapidated, crumb-containing from my nocturnal nibblings, bug-ridden, itch-inspiring, not-working recliner. My head was spinning even just sitting there, – showing off her stabbing pain-giving skills (on and off all day), and the worst of the three at that time, that was .
I used far too much of the £599.00 per 100ml toothache pain relief spray. I even took an extra Codeine 30g, and later, with no pain relief attained, I took a Co-Codamol tablet I bought from Chemist’s 4U on the web.
Then I drifted off into an absolutely,  totally, wonderfully satisfying sleep, and had a so pleasant dream. I really believed I was back with Grizelda and engrossed in carnal activities like we used to. It was a short dream, but memories are precious.

Regrettably and lamentably, Carer Ejaz woke me up, just when the dream was at the stage of Grizelda and I… No, I’d best not say. But I could have spat! Hehe!
I don’t think I fully came back to reality, and when I did, Ejaz was asking questions ten to the dozen, was swirling in my head,  giving me terrible grief painwise. I fear I couldn’t understand what Ejaz was talking about, but I don’t think I left the recliner during his visit, and he seemed content to go. It’s harder for him on a Sunday, cause of the scarcity of buses.
No sooner had Ejaz gone than I was in agony with leaking and sending electric shocks up the right leg as far as my groin. 
On the plus side, at long last, had eased off, and she started to attack with more extended periods between them… not that I appreciated this at the time, because  was now hurting through so many teeth, I dared not make a brew of anything hot, or drink the chilled spring waters. Then, just keep me interested, I started getting flow-back pains in my bladder, I imagine, through not drinking enough liquid. I gave up on sleep. 
 I had a small mug of tea and let it get colder, then I got back on the computer. I was struggling all the same, as usual lately.

My concentration was not good, and I was making errors in CorelDraw graphics. Additionally, I was constantly being corrected and reminded of my mistakes by Grammarly, which almost annoyed me.

I gave up on blogging and went onto the balcony to take a couple of shots of the beautiful skys to the right, then left of the views on offer. The wind was still mighty out there. I didn’t scar my legs on the Wheelchair footrests again, though. Hehe! Although I did manage to trap the same finger as yesterday in the sliding glass door. Tsk!

Mainly , & giving me grief now. Dizzy Dennis disappeared almost. Anne Gyna just paid me a short visit, and she’s getting easier each time.

I finally got the Ode completed. Hurrah! It’s not one of my best. I’ve just reread it. Taking so long on it, and the lack of concentration didn’t help, and as fr making so many mistakes, I’m not surprised.
Sorry about this, I did my bestest.

I missed this one off. I’m not sure when I took it, but it is, without a doubt, a photo of my once-beloved tree copse on the lower field, opposite the prison cells, or rather, opposite the block flats where I currently reside. Haha!

Just after Ejaz had left for his teatime call, I took this snapshot of the view from the kitchen window.
An eerie one?

Back on the blog until just before Ejaz’s last visit.
He saw how I looked and sounded a lot better than earlier. I asked him to call the District Nurse and Dentist in the morning for me.

I got the food prepped and eaten.
I’d love to know how photographs taken and seen on the view screen of my Kodak Tim 2 camera can simply disappear by morning when it comes to adding them to the blog. I think three went AWOL today. One of the injured legs, taken by my Carer Ejaz, the picture of my meal, and a shot of the end of the car park. I seem to have acquired this skill over the last few days. How? Why? Who do I blame? Or maybe ? Perhaps ? ? Or can I convolutedly lay the blame on  ? Old age? Possibly ? Ah, could the culprit indeed be  ; water on the brain?
I imagine I’m just going bonkers.
Hehe…! Hahaha! Yes, that’ll be it!

I Expect Things To get Better…

Oh, that’s wot Starmer said! Hehe!

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Not a good day. So not much of a blog, sorry.
I took some photographs, which may help me remember things. A few notes to use from early on, before the mayhem began.
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07:15 I woke up and went to the Porcelain Throne. 
0735 hours: I was still battling Constipation Conrad, and Carer Ejaz arrived. Ejaz did another good job for me. He foamed the legs and ankles. Then Phorpain gelled the Arthur Itis-suffering knees, both painful Cartilages, of Chloe and Carol. Then, we carried out the Health Checks and recorded the results.

I took a snap of the end car park and the front car parks from the balcony.
Taking the first one through the glass, so it was not a good one. For the front one, I opened a window to take it. Trapped my finger closing the window mechanism.

Made a small mug of extra-strong Typhoo tea, and updated the clock calendar. The hearing aids are working again!

I pretended to tidy up the Carer’s desk with quite a few nibbles and medications scattered around. 

Then, my most beloved DVT Warfarin nurse, Hristina, came to see me. Sadly, with confirmation that she will no longer be calling on me. Sob! Krudnuts! I could have cried. She’s called in to tell me this devastating news and give me two bottles of Krakus concentrated beetroot borscht. Bess her! The NHS have hired a private firm to take the blood now, and tomorrow will be their first call. A depression should have arrived then by rights and circumstances, but the kind thought of her coming to let me know herself, and with the wonderful gifts, it was weirdly only that appeared. Odd, that.

After her final farewell, I gave her a kiss; she didn’t object, just thanked me, and a smile blossomed on her face. This smile will not be forgotten, nor will Hristina. 🤎 I got the feeling of guilt for trying to sink me, but couldn’t. Although, of course, when the sad news dropped into my brain, DDDD took over.

As soon as I realised I’d made a muck-up when the Morrison food order for next Tuesday… arrived!
Now I was sinking fast!

Food.

After this was put away, a bit of self-lambasting was issued. Curses etc… The return of the mini-seizures arrived. After every one of them, it took me ages to come around, to reconcentrate, lose the shakes. Still, they have been kind to me since I got back from the hospital, I must say… until today. Hahaha!

I think I may have got things wrong, missed off or repeated… the wrong day, or the bad timing. Can’t cope very well today. The seizures, although extra-mini in length, are a devil to recover from… and I had plenty of practice today and night.

Good Luck in Love & Money

I’ve got none of either, but am available for consultation!