True Tales of Woe

Inchcock Today: Saturday 22nd October 2022

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I actually got some sleep last night. I admit, not a lot, but the sleep lasted more than for the last three nights put together – 5-hours!
I woke around 05:30hrs, and after pondering over what day it was and what needed to be tended to… out of the blue grew! I was sure that something favourite suspected, , was my most regularly committed one, of leaving a hot water tap running.

If anyone was taking a video or filming in the flat for the next ten minutes or so. They would have captured enough comedy material to sell a series of comedy sketches to a TV channel! Of course, it’s all just everyday life to me! Here’s how I remember it going:


❶ Flapped about to get free of the recliner, and instead of getting up on my feet, my bum hit the chair, then the carpet. Bump Bumped! But this only delayed me for a minute. Somehow I got up on my pins within seconds? (Or, did I) I soon regained a modicum of control in my mission to check every room.
❷ Even though I could feel and sense the blood coming from Harold’s Haemorrhoids, I had to do these checks; whatever happened!
❸ Into the kitchenette, all the usual checks, windows, oven, stove, microwave, slow cooker and the taps (faucets). All clear there…
❹ Checked the front door, which was locked as it should be. I did unlock it then, as with getting up late, there is a possibility of the Carer arriving early.
❺ Into the wet room – I gave the door frame a shoulder charge as I went in – Luckily though, and for the first time ever, I hit my left shoulder on the door – thus, I avoided waking up or disturbing or damaging the right Covid booster arm, by clouting the right shoulder. Having semi-satisfied , you can never guarantee this fully; I returned to the front room to get my clothes on and get the brain running.
❻ Brian Ricks, Charlie Chaplin and Del Boy to have performed what happened as I got the trousers on, any better than I did. Of course, for them to do it, needed a script, but my performance and facial expression needed no acting. Again though, to be fair, I couldn’t see my face; bewilderment, I imagine, is one word anyone seeing it might happen to use. Here’s the rundown as best as I can explain it:
❼ I got the trews on and knew I would get the ablutions done next and medicate the poor . I quickly pulled the belt to close the buckle – (bearing in mind these belts were only bought 3 or 4 weeks ago from Amazon). The buckle shot off, hitting the computer screen at the other end of the room, and the perfect trouser drop (Comedy-wise) was performed! I later found the buckle pin, three rivets and an unidentified metal ring on the floor.
❽ The belt itself fell limply to the floor, hitting a !

This ended any of my enjoyment of or seeing the funny side of the occasion. And not a soul, other than me, to see the happening. It just doesn’t seem fair to me! I could have had a belated career as a comedy writer! Humph! Mind you, with my blog followers list being so high, I should be content. They both occasionally email me.
To the wet room next. , Teggies, teeth, and then shaving. Kept down to just two mini-ones. Then under the shower. After today’s start with the trousers, somehow, I enjoyed the unrushed showering session greatly. Oh, and the showering, I kid you not, was free!

I fear something of a mind-blank happened here!
When the memory returned, complete with the ‘brain-freeze’ results. I was in the right predicament because I did not know what I was doing on the computer in the slightest. I’d got the Blog open, CorelDraw, the Ode Writer on Word, the calendar and WordHippo all open! Something I never do; is open so many programmes, but there you are… as lost as I am, presumably.
On the memory pad on the side of the computer, it said, “Took photos”

Which I show here on the left. Apart from the fact that they obviously made bad efforts at photography, I can tell you nothing.

Ah, the next line, which may or not be helpful, says, ‘ Inspired?

It also appears that Carer Sam had been, and we had a chat and a laugh. And the Pentac bottle dose-pot, I found wet on the kitchen draining board. So I knew she’s been, I looked up, on the Meridian record folder. I can’t remember washing it, so I assume Sam did it for me? A vague memory of walking her to the front door and wishing well as she took the waste bag with her?
Aha, I vaguely remember doing this line. Took a photo of the flats in town, then zoomed in to take a close-up of the block. No reason why I did this on the pad.

I assume something witty, clever or interesting must have come into my mind? (They do that sometimes, you know – the last time was about 1966).

Found a note written on the wrong pad, and I realised it was for today, but only when I read it: Four visits to the Porcelain Throne in three hours! I bet I bored Carer Sam with that bit of news? Hahaha! Maybe not. Sorry the mind-blank to the memory away, now.

And after doing the checks again, I set about sorting out what it was I was up to with the computer. It must have taken me hours to get sorted… Well, partly understood. Then I got the Friday blog finished and posted off. By then, it was about 14:00hrs!

Pretty confused and not totally content with the mind-blanks increasing. Glad I’ve got the face-to-face with Dr Vindla coming up on Tuesday morning. I shall try to be a bit pushier when telling her the facts of what I’m going through. It will be interesting to see what she says, and I might learn if she is ignoring was worries, as it seems to be to me. But of course, as I am nowadays, I just don’t know.

The was Kylie who arrived, and she got the medications sorted. She was in a hurry, but she kindly read the first part of this blog about the trousers and said it read hilariously and that I should show it to the other Carers. Hehehe! That cheered me up magnificently! She took the bin bag with her as she left, and I clearly remember locking the door.

Oh, better do them, belatedly…

I finally got on with creating this blog – sounds so easy, doesn’t it? But, no! 
. What did I do? I’ll tell yers! I’d made a base template for Sunday, and I started this blog on that one! I even got confused when copying and pasting to the right post – and had to start afresh again! However annoying as this was, I handled it with more aplomb than the earlier cock-ups; because I’d cheered up since Chloe’s visit. I hope I’ve not got the Carers’ names mixed up? Worrying about this is all part of the attention from . The never existed until after Doreen started calling. The Memory-Blanks, either. If, and I’m not saying I expect, the Doctor ignores the signs again, I shall have to swap Doctors. Although, there is nothing to indicate a different quack will be any more interested in listening than Dr Vindla, either. Rambling on again there, sorry!

Well, with all the farcical events today, it is already four hours beyond my usual Shut-Eye time! And I’ve not had anything to eat yet. I shall have to get something quick and get my head down.

Oh, blimey, I’ve just remembered the mushrooms that I put in the slow cooker – around 15 hours ago!

I took the top photo just after putting them in the bowl. I’ll go to photograph what they look like now… back in a bit…
I hope.

The bottom two I’ve just taken.

Shrunk a bit, haven’t they? Hehehe!

I had a job prising the mushrooms out of the porcelain bowl of the slow cooker. The scalded finger will heal. I had to manually pull most of them out, but it wasn’t worth the pain and effort. Still, if I need something leather-like to mend any holes in my shoes, I’m already set up?
So, no mushrooms with the rice tonight, fair enough. I get the meal made mushroomless, of course, and catch up in the morning in the event that I wake up, of course.
TTFN.
Sunday AM, late, very late, updated this blog.
Found this email from Amazon. Checked on the tracker, and it’s not yet dispatched.
Made the most belated meal; BBQ rice (microwaveable), with 7-Mediterranian roasted vegetable sauce heated in the saucepan. A lemon yoghourt. and got settled. No mushrooms, of course!

I was going to have the last two microwave sausages; I even put them on top of the microwave to remind myself. As far as I know, they are still there.

Yet again, Sweet Morpheus was reluctant to permit to nod off. Even putting the TV on didn’t help. It must have been four hours before sleep came – then it was another load of weird dreams with it. Humph!

The Stigma of Dementia stinks!

Tuesday 20th September 2022: Ode Cartoon & Diary

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TUESDAY’s POLITICAL CARTOON
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Not that I’d had any sleep to wake up from, but I dropped some pluppets of wind, then moved into a position ready to free myself from the clutches of the second-hand, £300, c1968, overwhelmingly-sickeningly beige coloured, tatty, uncomfortable, wobbly-recliner. At this stage, I changed plans and made my way to the wet room for the. The was also needed a visit.
I whipped down the sleeping slacks sharpishly, fearing a partially liquid evacuation. Splurge-splatter all over and done within seconds!
Ah, now the teeth breaking… I mean cleaning and the potentially dangerous shaving to be done.

I wetted the chops and neck, then a good covering of shaving cream, and I was off. The blood flowed at the first glide of the four-blade razor down the chin! Several minor nicks followed, and one at the back of the neck that I could not get to see. So, after doing the teeth, breaking GC broken toothanother lump out of the double molar, which also bled away! It was bleeding long after I’d finished the ablution and got dressed. I discovered that I’d torn the gum as well, but still, I managed to stop it in the end.

The only other ailment bothering me was . Very tender! Duodenal Donald and Anne Gyna were being sweethearts this morning. And Dizzy Dennis, , and the recent nuisance was nice and calm, too! Worrying innit?

I went to make a brew of Glengettie tea and took this photograph of the dark dank morning out there. To me, it looked nothing like on here when I viewed it on the viewer screen on the camera. Most disappointed in my efforts, I thought it would be much sharper?

Arrived. Richard was in the much better form today. We had a netter and chinwag. Seemed to go on for ages. I enjoyed us putting the world to rights. Hehehe! Took his lesser-filled treats bag with him, taking the waste bag with him. I think I mentioned something to him as he went down the lobby, and I have a feeling it was about something important, but I’m blown if I can remember what it was about now.

I got out the Boot’s Sphygmomanometer, manufactured by ZDEAC (Zhongshan Daguan Electrical Appliance Company Ltd) in Guangdong, China, out and working. And what a change in the figures today!

The up and down results continue.
SYS 132 (lowest for a week!) The DIA was within range at 72. The pulse had, at last, come down to 87 after five says being in the red zone.

And the body temperature was the best for weeks, at 34.3°f!

.I put the new figures for today into the Excel graph. I wanted to get an average reading, but it’s so long since I’ve used Excel I wouldn’t remember how to do it. Can’t read the advice I found on the web; when I zoom in, it gets more blurred than ever.

It’s times like this, and the same as yesterday when I made a right mess with WordPress and nearly lost the day’s blog. That I wish the Cataract operation would come soon.

I pondered over the failed morning view taken earlier. I do a lot that, you know, pondering. Hehehe! Trying to think what I’d done wrong. Especially after last night’s decentish sun-setting shots.

You are forgiven for not believing what this photo was of that I took next… Tsk!
Go on, have a guess. Haha! Yet again, it looked nothing like this disaster on the viewer screen? The red light shows, was the back of the Lumix, the charging of the battery light. Obviously, I took this with the Fuji camera. So that’s a mess I’ve made of a Lumix picture. And a disaster with the Fuji. Has the Cataract gotten worse? Am I going bonkers? Have I lost it altogether? Humph!

Just to put yet another dampener on things, I stood up to go and get the kettle on.
Yes…
Much pissed-offed language flowed, a few naughty words were uttered, and my mood dipped again, my interest in everything flailed, and depression dawned… not to mention the agony it left me in! It also pulled viciously at and her knee!
MedPhorpainI got a great dollop of Phorpain gel and rubbed it energetically all around the right knee. It did not ease the pain at all. So I took another Codeine.

Then, the same as the week before last, the instant fatigue come over me. I knew I just had to sit myself down and likely fall asleep. I had the forethought to make some rice for a meal, in case I’m in the land of nod for as many hours was last Thursday, or was it Wednesday? Luckily the rice can be cooked in the microwave, but of course, I can’t read for how long. Huh, then I remembered forgetting to ask Richard to read it this morning!
I’m going to get the rice done and sat down. I’m not feeling very good at all now?

Made myself some rice, added mushrooms and a bit of BBQ sauce.
The flavour rating, as best I recall, is 7/10.
Then I flopped down in the c1968 recliner and, for hours, did my best to get some sleep. My body instructed me to.
Nonetheless, I stayed awake. I did come close to nodding off a couple of times, but on the first occasion, started banging about upstairs and woke me. I think this is when I took these two photos?
Not sure, though. But it was light, so must have been around then. Both of and from the balcony.

The next time I was about to find bliss with Sweet Morpheus, ♫ Oh, Susana ♫ burst from the door chime.
Struggled up and to the door. It was Josie bringing the dishes and tray back from her Sunday lunch.

Finally… at last, around 18:00hrs, it was getting dark, and I actually drifted off to sleep! But moments later sprang awake with a jump. Unsure of why I had to get up to check the front door, intercom, mobile, and each room in case something had toppled over or similar. It gave me chance to unlock the front door before a carer arrived, at least. Nothing untoward or possible reason for whatever did wake me up with such a jolt and had my mind and body limbs threshing out.

Then minutes later, I was close again to joining Sweet Morpheus; and ♫ Oh, Susana ♫ burst from the door chime. It was the Sam arriving. Despite the rude awaking, I was glad to see Sam. Who dealt me the medications, and she closed the curtains for me. Choice of nibbles in thanks.

Sleep was still resistant, despite my body and mind begging for some.
No idea when I did drop off into the land of nod, but when I woke up, I felt a lot easier and fresher. And with a frantic need of the Porcelain Throne!

Inchcocks Local News Snippets – Comments & Odes

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You could almost finish the sentence for the detective investigating what happened, can’t you? “Somebody should recognise the men for us. We can’t do everything ourselves… Excuse me, a phone call coming in might be important… “Yes… erm, yes. No, no, no, hold the anchovies…”

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What’s the law regarding having animal sex?

……………….Scum!…………………

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Inchcock Saturday 6th Aug 2020: Diary

/ Inchie / 4 Comments

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05:00hrs: I woke, feeling drained before I’d even moved. Checked the time and went through a Thought-Storming session for ages. Jumping from one subject to another, fretting, fearing, blaming and self-condemning. There were decisions, plans, and ideas; the thoughts cleared, amazingly, and I dropped off back into sleep…
This was the same as yesterday! Each and every one of the following wee-wees had after-leakage that, at times, was more than the original wee was! 06:05hrs: I stirred again, in need of a wee-wee.
I hope I will not need to see Dr Nallamothu, Urinary Tract Infections, again. I recall how unlistening and snotty she was with me on my last visit. This is why I’m hanging on, hoping this infection will clear on its own. The NWWB (Nocturnal-Wee-Wee Bucket) was filled within four trips, well, not filled, but it had too much in it to use it safely. I’m getting experienced in emptying and sanitising things nowadays. I wonder if the NHS just might have a job for a qualified Guzunder emptier at the hospital? Hehe!

This Canon photograph is of the morning’s great sky.
They used to stay, ‘Red Sky in the morning, Shepherd’s Warning’. Of rain… but there is nothing on the weather forecast about rain. According to the local news, the reservoirs have been at the lowest since records began. This is not good! Which we could do well with having.

Time to let the sphygmomanometerisationing flow. So I did. The body temperature at 34.1°f was pleasing again. Much better than last month.
The Blood Pressure readings, I thought, were excellent. But not the NHS recording site?
The attachment today was as written beneath the picture on the left here.
Which surprised me. The ‘it should be below 120/80 was a bit hopeful. I’ve never had a reading as low as SYS 120 in donkey’s years. This one was in the amber, as well?

Off to the Throne room, taking the crossword book with me, as I anticipated another session like yesterday morning, of solid resistance. But Constipation Konrad had lost control of the innards to Trotsky Terence now? How can things change in such a short time?

I made a brew of Thompson’s Punjana and raided the packet of pod peas for a nibble.

♫ Oh, Susana ♫ chimed loudly from the doorbell. It was Samantha. Got the medications sorted, listened to my waffling, picked her thank-you treats and was off like a shot. Taking the waste bag with her to the rubbish chute on her way for me.

At long last, I made a start on updating the Friday blog. Not a lot to do on it, but finding so many mistakes and correcting them, took me at least two hours. Humph!

Both kicked off together as I moved on to get this template started. This put a temporary end to the keyboard activity.

I decided to get the ablutions done while incapacitated from typing. Miss was a mistake! Of course, I know this now! As I approached the door, just for devilment, I’m sure, but an involuntary kicked off, and I felt myself going backwards… But I knew the door behind me was pulled to; I always close it behind me, you see, then in the event of a fall or tumble, I can slide down the softer than the floor door! Clever stuff, eh?

But, unbeknownst to me, the door was wide open, and I ended up flat on my back, clouting the back of my head a decent wallop on the way down! So much for making plans!
I got back into the main room on my hands and knees; that wasn’t easy with SSS shaking me about. I used the c1968 recliner to get myself back up on my feet. I was a little shook up but by no means incapacitated or proper poorly.
Found a couple of minor scratches on my arm, the back and head aching, but not severely. SSS gave me rest; at last, Anne Gyna was still stabbing across my chest, which was the worst of the ailments and injuries. Hehehe! I think my feeling a fool was embarrassing too.

I sat for a while to recover, a bit of shock, knowing you would hit the door and don’t, but instead, the floor! Thinking it through, I reckon Esther had left the door open when showing the lady who’s covering for her holiday where things were. No blame whatsoever; it’s my fault for not noticing the door was open… Ah, I’ll settle for blaming Cataract Cathy, then! Hehe! Oh, Back-Pain-Brenda has started now! It could have been a lot worse; I think they would call this ‘Good-Luck?’

Sister Jane rang, and we had a good long natter and gossip.

She’s struggling with her Doctor as well, and her eyes have not been looked at again yet.

Gave me a concert of clattering, but it was a small one. It could have been the 1812 overture! Hahaha!

I will get my feet up to eat the meal and hopefully fall asleep. Well, I hope so, at least. Got the potatoes in the oven and chilli in the pan.

Not very good; I got the subjects cut off. Still shaking a bit from the tumble.
I may take an extra Codeine to help counter Back-Pain-Brenda. Even so, I’ve got away lightly in that Accifauxpa!.
I got an email from Sainsbury’s. So it looks like the code through the post was genuine… at least I hope it was.

Took the Codeine, so I take it while eating, which might be more effective.
Sliced p[otatoes and veg-chilli out of a can this time. But still tasty; in fact, the chilli was a little hot for my tastes, but the more I ate of it, the less hot it seemed to get? Flavour rating: 6.5/10.
Arrived, she was chirpier this evening. Hard to fear what she was saying cause she has a habit, like Esther, of talking to me and facing in the opposite direction. But Val does not do it from another room. Hehe!
I got on the computer, and although hard work, mistakes, and correcting-ridden, I pressed on with this blog.

I went to make a brew of Thompsons Punjana, and the sunset was worth photographing.
I got the meal on my knee on the tray, then put the TV on, not that there was anything worth watching. I’ve got about 150 channels on complimentary view and not a sausage worth viewing that I could find. Noticed the lighting had changed as it came through the thin moth-eaten curtains! And went back to the kitchen window to take another shot, the bottom one of the two. Bootiful!. I think there were only ten minutes between the snaps being taken.
Then I got the blog finished and posted it to WordPress. Gone midnight now! No rest for the wicked! But I want to make a start on the following Snippets blog…

Local News Snippets – Part 4⅔rds

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Local News Snippets – Part 4⅔rds

Last week’s Snippets – Part 4⅔rd,
Crimes committed by the criminal herd?
Murders, knifings, muggings… occurred,
Are sentences being suspended and deferred?
The end of public safety… read my words…

It’s started, the crumbling of morality…
Violent crimes are committed daily & nightly!
Such offences are falling, apparently?
Methinks the Government say this, lyingly!
Crime figures are given with a certain mendacity…

Repeatedly freeing killers early, to murder again,
And yet, so many people do not complain?
The average proletariat shows some disdain,
I’m known locally as a harmless lamebrain…
Who is generally a softy and relatively humane,
Who voted in Brexit to remain…
Now violent crime is sending me to Novocaine!

This young man, is our hopes for the future?

Crime reducing in Nottingham, we were told…
Now multiple murders every week, behold!
The figures are hidden, those unsolved…
Reported crimes are down… down?
That brings on a furrowed brow…
Little faith left in the legal system now!

Four months, suspended for twelve months, and 15 days of rehabilitation activities? Oh, good!.

Then I found this report…

I’m getting confused here…

Bestest ever try… still no cigar…

Link: Unsolved Nottingham Murders

The Nottingham Lads Local News Snippet Series

Inchcocks Photographicalisations, Ode & Diary

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Photographicalisations & Diary

♫Fings ain’t wot they used to be…♫

Little did I know the above-written ode would turn out!
I’m worried now; I think I had a memory blank or blackout?
Mistakes n everything I tried to create… a mental wipe-out!
It took me all day to get the blog done, a mind whirlabout…
Problems lasted hours… in fact all day, or thereabout?
Couldn’t get to grips with the day, time, everything, a doubt?
I had to keep stopping when the brain went on a gadabout…

Cataracts and glaucoma made things worse…
The noisy, clang-banging Herbert above made me curse…
Went to the Porcelain Throne; the evacuation was vicious,
Rock-solid: it took me half an hour; this is not fictitious!
It felt about the same size as a trolleybus!
One aspect was not painful or scary; quite the reverse…
Painful, yes, but no bleeding from the rear end, thus…
Washed and did the Germoloid creaming. Oh, that soothes!

From Grammarly, mistakes of all sorts, I was being told,
But I pressed on, which I thought was rather bold…
Dizzy Dennis joined me; Herberts’ noises could still be heard,
Why do I feel so bad could still not be answered,

So what I’m waffling on about…
I did my best, but without any doubt…
Faults mistakes you’ll quickly pick out…
Dates and times mostly, serious and nowt…
From start to finish, throughout…
I suppose this Ode is a criticism redoubt!

I can’t really put a date as such,
The photos, taken over 2½ days,
It may be mixed up datewise in a rush…
To get this blog done… with my mind in a haze,
I dun me bestest, please don’t underpraise…

I’m depressed and in pain, in many ways,
I really have had much betterer days and praise…
The coming of tomorrow and better days,
I’m hoping the confusion doesn’t overstay…
And depression finally breaks away!

Forgive any duplicated photos put in,
With wrong dates & times, I know it’s a sin!
The ailments are bothering me out and within,
My hopes for improvement are relatively thin…
Good job that I don’t drink, or I’d have a gin!.

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Photographs & minimal Memories

By Jimminee, and jolly good heavens above, what an absolute improvement on yesterday’s sphygmomanometerisationing for the level of blood pressure! Comparing it to Thursdays, nerve-wracking 285 Sys!

It tumbled down to 148, and very welcome it was to see it!

The pulse had dropped as well.

 

Another good result from the thermometer.

It was a dead-on target at 35°c.

I think I was; I had a losing battle against Sock-Glide Glenda again in the wet room. SGG 3 – Inchie 0! It all happened so quickly. Having completed getting the socks on, I was, with only one tiny bruise on the foot, and as I stepped over the frame to grip Glenda to remove her… And seconds later, I was on the deck, entangled in her framework! With a bruise that anyone would be proud of on my shoulder. But then…

Getting up back to my feet (bear in mind I had not got any glasses on at the time). I lunged at the grab-rail to assist my getting up… and missed it entirely! I then had a new bruise to add to the shoulder and wrist ones on my flabby belly as I went back down again and made a painful connection with Sock-Glide-Glenda… again! A few scratches as well, but they are pretty. The Carer said so when she came. She was well impressed with the shoulder bruise. But her favourite was the blotch come bruise on my left man-breast nipple; she was very keen on the pinkness and swelling. Hahaha!

The Iceland food arrived. I’m sure I’ve put all these on before, but it won’t hurt for anyone who may order beef chunks from Iceland to see the photographs of the three packs I bought again. They were all within the sell-by date, too!

On Special offer, I just looked at this close up of the red and khaki coloured lumps they’d sent! It was the same or similar colouring? It reminded me of the only time I’ve seen horsemeat served.

The JS Sainsbury delivery. In the centre of this picture, on the right, you’ll see three tiny sourdough cobs that cost more than the milk roll bread. Talk about hard! Gawd, blimey, they were 80% crust. Did my teeth no good. But I ate what I could salvage from the concrete balls of sourdough later on? 

The ‘Best’ potatoes all had growths of bruises on them.

Can’t recall what night I made this meal. But I can remember enjoying it pretty well. The fishcakes with peas in them were tasty enough, the potato waffles were terrible, as were the fish fingers, all vegetarian. The tomatoes tasted excellent, cake and banana, but the vegan cakes cost more money. The potatoes and peas were disappointing. Taste Rating: 6.5/10.

I think I’ve shown this photo, but I am not sure. Sourdough bread, the Polish style one, mushroom pate and tomatoes, a soft imitation cheese portion, were almost as bad as the cakes. But that bread and pate. Was gorgeous.

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Mike Fries: A good looking, Mafia-type, $23 million wage earner – no, I’ll take that back, he is not an earner to me.
But, I admire his cunningness in convincing his paymasters at Liberty-Global, to pay out $15 billion to buy out Mr Branson’s Virgin Media. Then instructing the UK telecom call-centre team, never to mention Liberty-Global to any customers? Thus, Mike Fries cannot get his $15b internet service to run for a day without going down several times – and Richard Branson gets all the name-calling and abuse. (He’s clever, you know!)

I imagine that if any proletariat call-centre person was caught mentioning the name Liberty-Global to any poor Virgin Media customers… The least they would come away with would be getting knee-capped & sacked?

He’s a Smoke & Mirrors expert. A figure-conjurer of the highest order. The bosses at the top get the complete treatment from his financial sleight of hand and legerdemain skills. They likely actually are being convinced by Fries of the competency of Virgin Media? Which, of course, does not exist.

There’ll be some financial hocus-pocus going on that convinces the top dogs of his profit-making for them, even if only on paper, so’s to speak. It’ll be out of my league!

I believe his flimflam, hanky-panky, and double-dealings will never be caught. So effective are his smoke & mirrors techniques.

This is a shame because despite wishing him a slow, excruciatingly painful death for his cheating ways and knackering me up every day with his Virgin internet repeatedly failing.

I like his style.

I’m jealous probably. Hahaha!

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Evening Carer’s just called. Another new gal, pleasant enough with me. I insisted she had some treats, a nibble and a drinkie for putting up with my constant moaning about life. Hehehe!

It’s late now; I’m ready for summat to eat and a kip. I’ve got some spuds baking, pod plead in the saucepan, and a veggie pastie to add to the potatoes if I don’t fall to sleep first. I’ll try to get this finished in the morning.

I’d like to stay awake long enough to get some sunset shots. If Colin Cramps visits again when I get down, I should at least get the sunset photo’d if no sleep. Har-Har!

As I was going to have a check on the fodder cooking, I heard a clattering noise from the room I’d just left. I went back to investigate…

The new giant faux-fur brown throw had somehow or other, slid off of the £300, c1968, second-hand, decrepit, rickety recliner, taking to the floor with it: my Wood-Waking-Stick-Walter, Picker-Upperer-Percival, Shoe-Horn-Horis,  a towel, two pairs of trousers, a pot of Cheeselets, two bottles of spring water, and two cushions! Harrumph!

I got things sorted things out again. And then went back to the kitchen to get the meal prepped and served up. No sunset as such, but the view was eerily misty, enough for me to take a snap.

photographicalisation. Served up the fodder. Two veggie pasties, two potatoes baked, halved and plant butter added. fresh garden peas and tomatoes. A banana and pot of dessert. Taste Rating: 7.8/10.

I got sorted and down to try and stay awake long enough to watch my first episode of Grimm. It started at 22:00hrs, which is too late for me normally. I remember checking the schedule, and it was 15 minutes before Grimm started on the same channel… and thinking at last I’ll get to watch it… Of course, Sweet Morpheus got me, and off to kip, I went before seeing the program start!

I woke a few hours later, a selling channel was on then. I rose for a wee-wee and needed the Porcelain Throne as I was on my way to the wet room.

Rock-solid again! A good hour I was in there, going through pain and having to make it worse by giving my best supportive efforts to constantly edge the concrete torpedo out from the rear end. Gawd it felt good afterwards, though!

Nemo Mortalium Omnibus Horis Sapit

Inchcock’s Diary & Retrieved Photographs

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Inchcock’s Diary & Retrieved Photographs

Four days without being able to upload any pictures, again,
Frustrating, annoying and a bit of a pain!
I tried this morning once again…
Some of them loaded; how transpadane!
I hope the uploading thingumajig working does remain…
Or I’ll go out of my tiny dementia-ridden brain!

Still, here they are, with details that I can remember,
Dates, days and times; may be subject to conjecturer…
But I’ve done my bestest; I can’t be any fairer…
The memory is not so good and tends to flounder…
Thanks to the stroke, then Doreen Dementia!

Overnight I had youths intruding into the flat,
Not just once, but twice, not very nice!
That got me worried, I can tell yer that!
Youths, two to four of them, to be unprecise!

 – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Photo’s Rescued

Evening (well, I think these three are?), photographicalisations are. All three were taken within a few minutes, if I recall right, from the kitchenette window, on a patchy dark cloud-covered sky. What day ut was, I’m not sure.

A beautiful view, even if the wind was a bit nippy as I opened the window and shuddered a little. Hehe!

I managed to take a closer shot that didn’t come out too bad when you consider the weather, clouds and my shaking right hand & arm.

I think these were taken on Wednesday. I can recall being impressed. But not with my photography, but with Mother Nature producing such amazing sights for us all.

I think I took this second shot because I’d got a small red spot blotch on the first one?

Then I took the third one, with more of the land view shown.

I’ve just noticed that I got an even bigger res spot on this one at the bottom of the frame. Tsk! I got pains in cataracts taking this last one; I can member that bit! It was half an hour or so before they eased off. Humph!

One of the evening meals here. I tried to recall if I liked or enjoyed it… But no! I can’t even remember eating it or taking a photograph either. It looked decent enough. I think I liked it?

Ah, this was Thursday… or was it? I ordered this food from Morrisons via Amazon. I’ve just looked it up on the email; it was on Saturday, the delivery.  Amazing how Dementia Doreen can convince me of facts that are so wrong.

Battered haddock, fishcakes, imitation fish sticks, Leicester grated cheese, mushroom pate, and pots of lemon cheesecake. With, commoners treat like from years ago, jelly and custard. I like ’em! Common and I go together!

Tomatoes, tomato puree with basil, Milk roll bread, Hovis white crusty bread, cakes, and cleaners.

I do not intend to hide my shame at all those cakes. But it didn’t last for long! Guilt flows freely in the brain, and intentions to start slimming crept into the equation…

After the Carer called and I collected the washing, I pondered on what to have to eat. And decided that I’d press on with the blogging and eat later on. The awful idea I had, was to have two slices of the Hovis bread, each with half of the mushroom pate, buttered and the slice of bread folded over the pate. With some tomatoes and nothing else. We’ll see about that…

I went into the kitchen to make sure I had some butter in the fridge to use, and the view caught all of my attention! Buy, was it a fantastic view, or what?

Wonderful! I stood looking at it for ages, as it quickly turned into darkness as the sun disappeared. 

I came across this ‘Gannet-sized’ picture of an earlier in the week meal I’d devoured. I reckon on Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday?

Sundays nosh. I believe.

I soon gave up on computing and got down in the £300, second-hand bought, c1968, nauseously beige-coloured, not-working, rusty, rickety, crumb-holder of a tatty recliner, in search of sleep.

A close-up photograph of the Chestnut Walk’s end car parking antics and positioning. Why do they spend all that money on chevrons and signage if they are enforceable by law? There are consistent; you have to give that to them.

Inchcock’s family early morning get together and chinwagging session. Koala Katie, Teddy Bear & Lil the Lamb were in a talkative mood. You think I’m joking, don’t you? Haha!

 The clunk-clunking started from above. Even Duodenal Donald started to give me some gip! And he’s been as good as gold for weeks!

Within an hour, I’d taken Peptac, used Germoloid, Germolene and taken an extra Codeine Phosphate. What next, I thought? I soon found out!.

I felt the wet warm glow from Little Inchies Lesion bleeding! Got back up to clean and medicate things, then back into the pretend recliner… still in search of some time with Sweet Morpheus! As I tried to get settled, comfortable enough to get into the land of nod…

I nodded off soon enough, waking up two uninterrupted hours of rest later, and felt a lot betterer! So much so, I freed my scarily overweight body from the chair and went to make the planned earlier meal!

Taste Rating: 9.15/10!

Sat I think: I took this photo before tucking into the feast! The thick slices of bread were soft, the crusts crusty. The tomatoes were delicious for once. Wunderbar! And the meal was so easy to prepare!

Back to the present: Unfortunately, getting back to sleep was impossible. The Thought-Storms raged! Guilt, shame and frustrations flowed!

 I was soon back up, needing the Porcelain Throne! But it went well. not messy, and no bleeding from anywhere!

I stayed up and made a start on this blog. Then had a meal

The highlight of this Saturday is that Jillie is calling to see me, I hope. 💜 Which she did! Lovely to see her, hug her, kiss her and have a mammoth chinwagging session!

Jillie brought me some Polish cooked meats. Bless her cotton socks! She checked on the dates and timings for the hospital visit for me. And offered help with cancelling the Meridian laundry service. I’m better off with Esther doing it, she irons anything that needs it when it gets back, and the clothes are properly dry and folded for me. This week Carer Valerie did the washing, returned it the same day (sometimes it is three days before it gets back from Meridian), and all was well dried and folded, but this is not the normal state of affairs. Thanks, Valerie.

Getting to sleep was impossible! The excitement of seeing Jillie, I believe, may have had some effect?

The door buzzer woke me up; in a half-daze and unsure of what time it was, I got to the door… After many hours of trying, I did nod off.

Josie told me her sister was taking her out for a meal tomorrow, so she would not need a meal cooking this Sunday. Good of her to let me know, Bless her.

I gave myself a toe-stubbing against the stand-up airer radiator hobbling back. Oh, dearie me! 

Mage some of the small milk roll bread, buttered sarnies with the bacon that Jillie had bought me. It was delicious! A hint of garlic and herbs, Bootiful! Not as beautiful a Jillie, though, naturally. ♥

Alphabetti potatoes, tomatoes, a small lemon cheesecake, and lemon curd tart for afters. I think I’m cutting back on my food intake, and am going to start the bi-daily exercise as we did in the after-stroke recovery programme… well, all being well. I’ve just got to have a word or two with Dementia Doreen, Cataracts Kathleen, Arthur Itis, Peripheral Neuropathy Pete, Little Inchies Fungal Lesion and Duodenal Donald, t see if they will allow me to do so, uninjured. Hahaha!

I’m a little apprehensive and twitchy now, about the yobs. I bet they’ll be back again tonight… Clapthunder! If they do come, I’ll press my wristlet alert alarm. Even if I can’t make out what they are saying, they should hear me.

As I lay there fretting, I passed wind and made a mess in the Protection Pants to make things worse! Good job that I’ve got plenty in stock. Cause this happened again later! Trotsky Terence was in charge.

The evacuation started and ended before I got down onto the plastic seat! Virtually liquid. What few shreds of solids were a khaki colour, with yellow liquid. The stomach ached and was rumbling throughout. What had I eaten that could have caused this?

I washed, shaved, the teeth were done, olive oiled the ears, Germoloided Harold’s Haemorrhoids, and put the eye drops in (some of the drops actually getting into the eyes!). New PP’s adorned. Changed into the day clothes, and I put the kettle on. Took a Galpharm capsule and a Co-codamol for the tummy pains.

Later on Sunday, I worked on this blog; then, the Morning Carer arrived and sorted the medications for me.

I tried to find the number to report the incidents to Nottingham City Homes, but the number was only for Mon to Friday. I mentioned this worry, on the Winwood Heights Facebook page, hoping there may be another number to use. No answer, but it’s only 10:30hrs yet.

Winwood Heights Facebook Comments: Tenant Hugh tried to find the number for me. Later in the day, Warden Deana wrote, suggesting I press the alarm-alert button and told them of the situation. But, of course, I could not understand what anyone at the other end of the call was saying. Folks forget about my cataracts, deafness and dementia. Even when I mentioned the incident to my Carer, it was suggested that I may have dreamed it? But I didn’t… did I?

I was still unsure of whether to lock the door or not. Leave it unlocked, and the gang of yobs could get in again, cause harm and damage, and steal summat… Lock it, have a stroke, and the ambulance men can’t get in, and I’m dead… I don’t think anyone understands my indecision and fears. I chose to lock it. An hour later, I thought better of it and unlocked it. Two hours later, I locked the door again, which is how it is at writing this now.

Evening Ode to the day

The ganglet of yobs invaded my recluse…
In the early hours of the morning…
Got me rattled and aroused!
They arrived without any warning…
In they came, I put the light on, cunning?
No wonder I was confused…
They suddenly started running?
Else I may have got battered and bruised?
Will they return tonight?
Ready for a one-sided fight?
Will I get thrashed?
Or end up bucktoothed?
I’m not worried… well, not quite…

Evening All!

Inchcocks Bungee-Jump – Where, How and Why?

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Inchcocks Bungee-Jump

There was a damsel I wanted to impress,
She was chunky, and I’d heard, easy to undress…
She loved a laugh and smiled at my stupidness…
But she admired men who showed fearlessness…
What could this whimp do with his faintheartedness?

I pondered, deciding on using fictitiousness!
Told her I was going bungee jumping, most unchivalrous,
Where? she asked – ‘Darley Dale on the bus…’
I’ll come to see you, she said. Oh, excessiveness!
Now to face my acrophobia… but not be loveless?

,

I got the motorbike mended, off to Darley Dale,
Picking up en route, the bonny lass, called Abigail,
I arrived at the festival and put on a swagger, to no avail…
From inside, my stomach churned; I must’ve looked pale…
I was putting myself through hell for a desirable female!

Nervous? Me? Yes, I could hardly breathe or inhale!
Searching for an excuse, I was feeling foolish and frail…
Yet I was laughing along with my beloved Abigail,
I looked up at the cherrypicker platform I’ve to scale,
Fear of heights and cowardice… will I die at Darley Dale?

I found a resolution by fearing being mocked should I fail…
Idea! Thump a Policeman, then they’d take me to jail?
But no, I must do this heroic act to impress Abigail!
If I live through this, fall in love, I’d tell the tale…
Or should I run away and search for the Holy Grail?

They booked my jump for about 1400hrs…
I sneaked away to the Pretty Flowers…
A quaint pub on the road to Alton Towers…
I drank three ciders and four pints of Guinness!
Enough surely to get me out of this?
I’ll never get up the ladder, being so pissed!

Walking back to the fair, when I was getting near…
The fresh air must have taken away my fear…
But it may have been something to do with the beer?
I started whistling and greeted the gang; I was feeling queer!
I cheerfully got into the bungee-jump helmet and gear!

.In the jumpers tent, all the others, some in over-leathers…
Nervously talking and bragging, being sick the others!
“Who’s first up?” most of them dithering and nervous!
I called, “Me first, captain!” The others finished their reefers…
Momentarily I thought, Did I take my beta-blockers?

Too late now, and I felt like a performer in a circus!
Abigail cheered me as I ascended,
I slipped on the ladder, hit my midriff and got winded,
Not enough for my bungee jump to be rescinded!
No stopping me now that I’d ascended…

I pressed on out to the platform… was this all a dwale?
Got out to the edge… shirt off, like a Chippendale…
Everyone from below could see I was a male!
The wind… suddenly blew a gale!
Down onto the ice-cream pole, my body did impale!

A Red Cross man arrived first. “Here, take this aspirin, cock!”
The whole thing was a shock and schlock!
And, I’d laddered my new knee-length bamboo right sock!
Why worry about that… it’s poppycock?
Mayhaps I’d gone into PTSD or shellshock?
The police arrived and arrested me for TWOC!

Inchcocks Make Folk Laugh in Ode Series 77⅘th

Inchcock Today: Alto-Ego’s Confessions In Ode

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Sunday 3rd April 2020

Inchcock’s Confessions In Ode

Written By Alto-Ego Inchie!

Ode to this blogger, he’s a harmless old bugger,
With an awareness of life that gets floppier,
A self-hatred that grows and gets klutzier,
And a body, getting ever fleshier and wobblier!
A memory that is no longer a memory…
A brain that adopts ideas much loonier!

A cancerous bladder, getting ever leakier!
A sex drive that gets measlier and measlier…
Dead as a dodo, really; even his memories are foggier!
Bending downs is not easy; now he’s got paunchier,
He could do with a hearing-aids amplifier…
Today, his many wee-wees were a lot splashier?

His sanity and logic are much less secure…
His cataract and glaucoma eyes, his to endure,
No signs yet of any operations, that’s for sure!
He doesn’t believe he’ll live long enough for a cure…
He’s searched to find someone he can nouriture…
But he’s given up now; why? He’s not sure…

Mind you, he’s not looking to arrive at his cloture…
That’ll have to wait a bit, his final sepulture!
For a while, at least, though, life gets squalider…
Inchcock’s never been tops or an orchestrator…
Although he was once a bus conductor…
There’s one thing that would give him pleasure!

This’s important to him… before his foreclosure,
He doesn’t want to be richer or shrewder…
But summat, that goes against his very being & culture…
Not experienced before, it will put him in rapture!
To get something right, just once – before his departure!

Part of the Inchies Make Them Laugh-In-Ode Series

Inchcocks first solo visit to the Slab Square: In 1955

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Inchcock then & now Haha!

Despite the poverty, I was at my happiest…
In my younger years, and almost positive!
Full of vigour and at my determinest…
I set out one Sunday to slab Square, looking my nattiest!
First time alone on a trolleybus, at my swankiest!

43 Trolleybus in town

The bus ticket cost all of 3d,
Today that would be about ½ a new penny,
I wanted to get a Sunday paper, you see…
Take it to Dad; make him proud of me!
But the newsvendor asked, where’s your Daddy?
I didn’t realise he knew my Dad, Harry!
He told me to take myself home and hurry!
But he did give me a newspaper for Dad, for free!

West Bridgford (WBUDC) bus

So, I did, on a posh, pretty coloured WBUDC,
West Bridgford Urban District Council, you see?
We didn’t argue with adults back then, tactfully…
Agreeing with grown-ups, had desirability…
Cause of their clipping you around the earhole, ability!

I hastened home…

I hurried home, in hope of a visit from Auntie Kerry…
She liked to bath me, which always affected my psychoactivity,
I think she had some habits, mayhaps, eccentricity?
She scrubbed me up well, with dexterity, not dignity!
I always greeted her arrival with emotional glee!
Not understandingly, but happy… and expectantly…
Knowing (praying for) what she was about to do to me! ♥
I longed for her visits, and was her greatest devotee,
And to think that people said we were an odd family? Hehe!

Well, perhaps we were…

How things change… Hehehe!

Good Morning, all!