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My mind developed ecdemomania in December,
Multi-directional, it is something of a derogator,
Often leaving me in a quandary, a dilemma,
It can leave me with mental dyspnea,
It’s no good living in dread, my dear…
This Ode, composed by an aged dégringolader,
To advise & warn each son or daughter…
For things ahead, I hope they digest this data,
And it leaves them savvier, adroiter, & defter,
Relating to when they get older & dodderier,
You’ll at first not notice your brain gets diddlier,
And your deeds & actions increasingly dweebier,
Parts of you, Doctors will surgically dismember,
Neurocognitive disorder, Lewy Body dementia,
Water on the brain, Alzheimer’s, both can be dire,
(In the hospital, I had heart failure last December)
You’ll end up using eyes, ears, & a nose dropper,
Hearing aids, oxygen, or a Mechanical Aorta,
A tissue/biological replacement lasts longer,
More chance of it being rejected, you dejected,
Protanomaly/Protanopia, & Deuteranopia,
You may start feeling drearier and dowdier…Understandably, with new pains, physical,
Then, problems come that are cerebral,
Diagnosis can seem improvisational…
Sort of, make-do, almost extemporal,
It’ll be as if you’re turning into a fossil,
As you struggle to hobble or fogle,
Past your sell-by date, & nonrenewable,
Can’t walk, remember or think, a folderal,
So few teeth, if any, can’t eat a trifle?
Eating crispy bacon? Barely rememberable!
You couldn’t afford it, now you’re pensionable,
Ask for help, you get a load of garble…
Going to the toilet is a risky kerfuffle,
Often you’re too late, it’s most terrible,
Accifauxpas, forgetting or scatological,
Going into a seizure, having a fall…
Not aware of events, these and them all,
These happen, seemingly unpreventable,
What’s most shameful and deplorable…
It doesn’t happen to anyone Oligarchal!
But, fret not, this is absolutely normal.
If you do owt deplorable, or abominable?
And this sounds a smidge disceptatorial…
You may suffer from all ailments above… All!
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I think, well, I know, I was having a seizure in bed, with the strangest dream, that I recall little of; apart from me watching the missiles land, as I (in the dream) stood at the kitchen window, yodelling. Seemingly unconcerned with what I was watching? Then I woke up to find Carer Ejaz standing over me, asking how I was. I recall his helping me get out of bed after he’d taken off the nocturnal catheter bag… then nothing for several or more minutes.
I was sitting on the chair, as Ejaz was medicating the leg wounds and catheter strap welts. He issued the medication and Peptac. I was still out-of-it a while he was asking questions. He wondered if he should call 999. Thanked him, I think, but declined.
I’m having some terrible wakenings lately.
How I didn’t hear the intercom or door chime, I don’t know. Maybe the seizure was a little deeper this time? This morning was the worst I’ve had. However, like all the other mornings, bar one good one, on Sunday or Monday, I think. They started poorly, but things improved as the day went on. They did today, but the improvements took far longer to take over.
It’s now gone 19:00hrs, and the haziness, loss of balance, the mysterious deafness and foggyiness of the brain have all but cleared.
It’s the morning that shows the need for the ambulance. Another like today, and I might press my wristler alarm before the Carer arrives… if I can actually wake and get up, that is. These confusions have never taken longer to clear.
Shame! I lost so much time today that nothing got done much again.
Carer Ejaz reminded me that the Doctor is making a telephone call tomorrow. I’ll mention these scary mornings I’m having. But I’ve no confidence. The seizure neurologist had not been in touch since November 3rd. Cardiac since October 17th. The Social lady since about June… 2024.
Ah, well, they are still taking my Warfarin INR blood for testing. Depressed? Me? Haha! Yes!
At least Ejaz got me interested in the snow covering outside and spurred me on to take some photos of it from the frozen kitchen window.
Here they are…
Aha, caught the moon!
No detail, though.
Which house shows its attic
Canabis grow? Hehe!
Not a good one…
A bit better, caught the moon!
See the drug growers’ roof?
Front car park on Citrus Way.
Through the door glass.
Darned cold, -5°c.
Side of bed bin…
Naughty night nibbling?
Tonight.
Must get the new keyboard
sorted, need help.
Going to get something to eat now.
TTFN and
ALL the BEST!
I was up, removed the nocturnal catheter bag, did my balance exercises & made the bed; all before 06:30hrs.
A very high in the sky moon was allowed through as the clouds thinned. I returned to fetch the Kodak Tim-2 camera and went back to the kitchenette to try for some decent shots of the moon. The top was a classic Inchie result; somehow, I made the moon oval. Tsk! These cond & third efforts were a little better. Even with one eye, I could see the crevices on the moon. Sadly, they did not appear in the photographs. I did my best, but it just wasn’t good enough. Failure comes regularly. Tsk! 
This morning, the visit to the Porcelain Throne went very similarly to yesterday’s. But this time, there were no 
whatsoever.
I came across a word that I had not seen or used before, and thought I’d pop it into the words-to-list.
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Today’s moods varied greatly. Changing so often, I didn’t know how the heck I was supposed to feel sometimes. 
, 
in between, but every time he remained or seemed to, for just a minute or two? These two extremes were both sparse on the ground today, and both for such short periods, I was actually confused at times. This is an opening that, I believe, reveals I need help from the NHS neurology department. Going potty is not an option; it’s just how things are. Even today, when to be honest, apart from the changing baffling moods, the day has gone (for me) very well up to now.
Session
! I stretched to reach it, Lost Balance, Brenda nearly had me over, and I knocked several items off the floor cabinet. I didn’t note of which, but recall the Protection Pants, wrist alarm, and bottle of aftershave among the fallen items. More time was lost restoring them all to the cabinet. I 
while doing so. Now the self-labasting and giving myself a good talking to, started! 
My language was coarse, of course.
I brewed a pot of tea and sat by the computer, taking this photo. I heard Ejaz as he left, saying I’m behind time. And noticing he said this around 08:00hrs. Later, when I put the picture on, I realised that I must have been in the wet room for just under three hours! No wonder I don’t wash often, I can’t find the time between Carers calling. Then with food deliveries. Emptying the day bag. Check calls, telephone calls, emails, and calls of nature. The nurses will do the legs and change the catheter. INR Warfarin blood tests. Hospital appointments, Dentist checks. How do I find time to do the blog? I stay up into the morning, mainly to catch up. Being deaf, Cataract Katie is back again. Lymphorrea Leslie, Fractured Knee Frank, Bad Back Belinda, Shuddering Shoulder Shirley, Toothache Tiffany, Peripheral Neuropathy Pete, Doreen Dementia, Obstructive Hydrocephalus (water on the brain), and Reflux Roger, Mechanical Aorta Alan. Not to mention the Seizures… Oh, I just did. Hahaha!
A close-up of the City Hospital
City Hospital in the distance.
Bit of nothingness here, (I’m good at that.
Sundown, early this time of year.
2 hours later, what colouring!
Wow!
I double-clicked, Tsk!
nor 
I enjoyed this one!
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Once again, I was so reluctant to get out of bed.
I did get some photos done, though.
Tripping over the door runners and clouting my right shoulder on the doorframe. A couple of curse words later, I closed the door and trapped my finger as it slid closed. I added a couple of stronger words, and Darius deepened his 
grip. Why? Yesterday was such a pleasure, too.
I got the computer started, and took a snap of it for some reason, I left the flash on and caught it on the photograph. This would not have bothered me in the slightest bit if it had happened yesterday. But it wrangles me, and although impossible, I know, cause he’s not real. He is in my neurologically-affected mind, but I imagined that 
I’m getting irked, nettled, piqued, narked, and even disturbed at the slightest thing that goes, or to be precise, that I do wrong. 
I took another snap from the window. To my right, that didn’t cheer me up either. The state of the poor tree copse, the jobboes have been at it again.
About midday, I got the computer on. And a Carer called as I took this snap, hearing aids and batteries, vaseline, heart-failure shot if needed, olive oil for the ears, drops for the eyes, Toothache Tiffany spray, and with the ‘Cool’ clock-calendar on view.
Back to start on the computer. Launched CorelDraw, and began to upload piccies from Koak Tim 2’s SD card…
Late afternoon.
I made another brew of Extra-strong Typhoo tea.
I was pleased with the shot I took from the kitchen window. Came out well this time, for a change. About time I made a decent job of taking a snap.
down. Another reasonable shot. This effort turned out okay. Then, as I served it up, I decided to try for a third in a row decent photo of the meal.
So much for going for a hat-trick. What a horrible outcome for all my efforts.
Came late, but he was precious!
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I’ve spent all day updating or recreating the lost Word files. Depression Darius paid a few cursory visits, and High-Mood Horis the odd call to put me in a couldn’t care less mode.
Not so many explosions this year, and what few that I could, against those I missed, indicate that my luck is not about to get any better. Haha!.
Kept missing the big ones. Humph!
Made a few artistic ones.
Not that I meant to.
Just caught one this time.
Not too bad.
Well…
Ayhup! Caught some!
Afternoon shot.
Half an hour later.
Half an hour later.
Close up that caught the
Perhaps the best one?
The last one of this session.
Part of the prepped food for mixing nosh.
As you can see, it was a good snap, even for me.
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I regret that things, although being far better than recently, had the hindrance of just not working, going, being or getting done right. 
! Or rather streaks, today.
Took complete control. I imagine in my warped mind that he was getting a bit miffed at Horis’ impudence. You think?
upper for most of the day, this downer seems so much worse. I’m out of time, the usual fatigue, eyesight and willpower fading fast. 
No hot water, I left the tap running again.
I asked the Carer to apply a fresh plaster cast to the ankle. The toenails and under toes were nasty all day & night. Hobbling about a bit.
Got carried away with the word listings again.
Pulled myself belatedly back to blogging.
Late snap.
I’d only ordered an Asda delivery!
What’s going on in my head?
The person who spoke to me when I was last in hospital said she would arrange some help when I told her what I was doing with the food deliveries.
Saved the work, closed the tabs, and ran CCleaner on the computer. As I closed it down, I smelt the aroma of the burning food coming from the oven!
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were in there that I needed to use, and kicked off doing the ablutionalising.
WAS NOT SO GOOD
barrier cream out, I creamed the man-breasts and genital periphery near the overhanging stomach. Tsk!
, a perfect hit
to retrieve it, but I couldn’t reach it safely to pick it up
I don’t need to tell you where it landed, do I? ARRRGH!
went on much more easily this time. I thought, Aha, my luck’s changing… I turned to get the Khagoule from the shower rail, and for the first time in many days, a crunch followed by a little pain came from 
. It sort of levelled things up a bit, really. Right foot with the toe and left with the knee. I used two walking sticks for the rest of the day.
this today. After Carer Ejaz had looked after me and departed, I went to take a snap of the same view as earlier. It was a little brighter now. I wish that I were. Hehehe! 
. 
It’s getting dark again. The mist is still there on the horizon. The lights are coming on, and you may be pleased to know that 
rather than my
.
Ejaz made the afternoon call. He seemed in a good mood. Bless him. In a rush, mind you. He’s got a schedule to keep.
From here on, until about eight P.M., is an utter mystery. Whether I had a prolonged seizure or fell asleep was hard to decide on. There was a very mild taste of acidity when I came out or woke up, which indicated a seizure. Yet the usual confusion, loss of balance, and out-of-itness were not there?
For how long?
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Seizure Mad Day.
The end car park. A scarcity of vehicles, but one still managed to park on the chevrons.
All the plastic fences had been knocked over again. 
The bottom field retained frost despite the rain. It’s a good job it didn’t freeze.
Now I could not concentrate on the tab-making, and after doing about a dozen more, found I’d put the wrong year on them all! I started cancelling actions to clear the bitmap back to .cdr, then ungrouping to amend the dates, but…
I ran out of memory and had to start all over from the beginning on nine of them.
I mixed up some seasoning as guided by notes that were written for me. No garlic, but I had most of the seasonings on the list, and it smelled nice. I put the bowl in the fridge to marinate for at least half an hour, as the recipe said.
Then I smelt the potatoes burning!
That’s all I ate. Every flavour-filled, dry potato.
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I took snaps of the food; many items were unavailable, and all the cobs felt a little unfresh. But considering the day it was, I’m not complaining.
No caramelised onion chutney, Sweet pickle, Cashew nuts, Sliced bread, or beetroot, not that I’ll starve at all.
rolls, and various cooked meats. A pork pie, three lemon curd yoghourts.
h promptly split open the bag and scattered all over the floor. Ejaz cleaned it up later for me; he’s a good lad. He found some potatoes that had hidden themselves between a cabinet and the old cooker. Four baguettes went in as well, along with some iced Asda ice-cream cornets. Oh, I think I’ll have one now. I forgot about them in the fridge.
Carer D arrived in high spirits. Too early for him to issue any medications, 4 hours needed.
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Cael diwrnod da!
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